Merlin's Struggles
by SpirkTrekker42
Summary: Part I: Can Merlin and Arthur successfully maintain their romantic relationship with Arthur being king who eventually has to marry and produce an heir? Part II: Can M&A manage to stay together while Merlin is under the influence of dark magic that causes his negative emotions to get out of control, where his anger and lust are unleashed on the person he loves most? Merthur COMPLETE
1. Revelation

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps, and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. I usually write Star Trek and Kirk/Spock so I'm used to writing slash but I'm a little Trekked out at the moment. I was so excited when I stumbled up Merthur and I wish I'd followed the fandom when it was actually on TV. I know everyone and their brother writes about Merlin's magic reveal, but I just had to try my own take on it. It's such a fun trope! Oh, and I'm American so forgive me if the dialogue isn't quite right. And now, on with the story!

.~.

_Merlin's Struggles_

_.~._

Chapter 1: Revelation

_The night before the annual tournament_

Arthur finished dressing in his night clothes behind the screen, ready to fall into bed after a hard day's training. It was the night before the annual tournament and he wanted to get a good night's sleep. But first, he needed to speak with his manservant.

"Merlin, are you still there?" Arthur asked. He hoped that his idiot servant hadn't left the room before he'd been dismissed, but then Merlin never had been the greatest at following orders.

The young sorcerer looked up from his seat at Arthur's table. "Just finishing my cleaning. What do you need?"

Arthur walked over to where Merlin was sitting and casually leaned against one of the chairs. "I just wanted to talk."

"Shit," Merlin muttered under his breath. It was never a good sign when a lady said that, and Merlin imagined it would be much worse coming from the Crown Prince. Also, there was a slight chance that Arthur had learned of Merlin's secret. He didn't want to put Arthur in a position where he'd have to choose between his father or Merlin. He was terrified that Uther would win, and where would that leave Merlin? He'd either be dead or at best, disgraced.

"Sorry, Sire," Merlin said as he grew pale. "What did I do wrong?"

"You didn't do anything wrong," Arthur said soothingly, locking eyes with his manservant. "I just wanted talk to you man to man."

"Yes? Go on, then," said Merlin. He relaxed now that he was sure Arthur hadn't discovered his secret.

"I only wished to tell you that even though you're always stumbling over your own two feet, you're often late, and you're somewhat dim, you're still the best servant I've ever had. You have saved my life several times, and I will never forget that." Arthur placed a comforting hand on Merlin's shoulder. "I know I don't ever say it, but I consider you to be a friend. To be fair, you still are an idiot, but you're my idiot. I just wanted you to know that."

"I feel exactly the same about you," Merlin said, beaming. "You are closer to me than anyone." But then Merlin paused. "Hang on. Arthur, why are you telling this?"

Arthur shrugged, pulling his hand away. "Just in case I don't live through the fight tomorrow."

"You will, I promise!" said a gleeful Merlin. "You'll prove to the people of Camelot yet again that you deserve to be their future king."

"Going to save my life yet again, _Mer_lin?" Arthur teased. "Or are you that confident in my abilities as a knight?"

"I'd rather not say, Sire," Merlin said quietly. He had meant it to be a teasing remark, but it hadn't come out that way. Many times, he'd secretly saved Arthur's life from those who would seek to destroy him. Arthur, of course, had no idea.

"You know you don't have to call me 'Sire' when we're alone," Arthur reminded him.

"I know," Merlin said quietly. It was a sign of respect, one that he believed that Arthur had finally earned from him. "I wanted to."

"You know that can tell me anything, right?" Arthur said.

"What do you mean?" Merlin pressed.

"Oh, Morgana mentioned that you had a lot on your mind lately. She wanted me to talk to you about it," Arthur admitted. "She thought that if you'd open up to anyone it would be me. Not sure why."

Merlin inwardly groaned. He was going to kill Morgana! Why had he ever decided to confide in her about his magical abilities? Then a stab of disappointment flooded his body. Arthur was only having this conversation because Morgana suggested it. Of course Arthur would never initiate a talk about feelings. Why had he thought differently?

"Will that be all, Sire?"

"Will that be all, _Arthur_," the prince corrected.

"Arthur," Merlin said softly.

"That will be all," Arthur said, his authoritative manner restored. "See you bright and early. Don't be late."

"Sleep well," said Merlin, taking his leave of Arthur and returning to his chamber. He wondered what his prince would do if he knew just how many times Merlin had saved his life. It would probably be a severe blow to his overly large ego. With that thought in mind, Merlin fell asleep with a grin on his face.

.~.

_The following morning_

How had it come to this? Merlin wondered that as he watched the knights fight each other. Arthur was in yet another life-and-death situation and he didn't even realize it! It hadn't started out that way. So far, the tournament had gone well for Arthur. Seemingly encouraged by the screaming from the crowd, he picked off his opponents, one by one before only one was left.

It quickly became clear that Arthur was the strongest competitor on the field. Merlin's chest burst with pride as he watched his friend take out each man with well-placed blows. As always, Arthur shone on the battlefield. Merlin had never seen a more beautiful sight than his future king decked out in gleaming silver chain mail and his knight's blood red uniform, his blue eyes just barely peaking out of his helmet. Then, out of nowhere, danger reared its ugly head.

The prince was locked in a swordfight with what he thought was his last opponent. Arthur was holding his own, which was no mean feat since he'd been wounded earlier in the leg. Arthur was a great swordsman, but occasionally he did make mistakes. He wasn't completely invincible, even if he liked to think he was. Merlin swore under his breath, as another foe pulled himself up from the ground and charged towards Arthur. The man was directly behind the prince, who didn't see him. Arthur's enemy flung his sword towards the prince, who had just neatly dispatched his final opponent. This was in clear violation of the rules, that competitors were only to wound and not kill.

Merlin whispered a spell from his hiding place under the stands, halting the sword midair just before it pierced Arthur in the back. That throw was scarily accurate, too accurate. It had to be the work of someone using magic! Merlin hoped that the spell would deter the man, but he kept running towards Arthur. The unknown assailant reached his hand towards the sword and wordlessly called it back towards him, catching it neatly in his left hand. Then the man waved his other hand in Arthur's direction, his magical force knocking Arthur off his feet and onto his back.

Arthur groaned as he struggled to get up. Merlin shook with barely concealed anger – no one hurt Arthur while he drew breath! Instinctively Merlin's eyes glowed gold as he threw up a shield of white light all around Arthur, in hopes of protecting him from the magician. But without an incantation, it was somewhat difficult to maintain. It was also zapping his strength to keep his presence a secret from those around him.

"Where are you, sorcerer? Come out and face me like a man!" The evil warlock yelled. "Or your prince will die and Camelot will have no heir to the throne."

Arthur managed to stand up, bravely wielding his sword in an attempt at protecting himself. However, the prince's right leg was still wounded from earlier in the fight and Merlin could see him wince as he limped forward. Clearly, Arthur's opponent had the advantage even without magic. With it, he seemed unstoppable.

Merlin had two choices. He could face the sorcerer in a proper magical duel and reveal his secret, or he could do nothing and let Arthur be killed. There was only one choice he could make. He stepped on to the field, walking swiftly towards the enemy.

"Leave the prince alone! Your quarrel is with me," Merlin announced, much to the crowd's surprise. He didn't dare look at Arthur to see his reaction, not wanting to be distracted from his task at hand. Merlin strode just in front of Arthur, blocking him from the evil sorcerer's path. If he was successful, he would call the attention towards himself and away from Arthur.

"Emrys," the man acknowledged with a nod. "We shall see which of us is more powerful."

Merlin knew that the sorcerer would not rest until he saw Arthur (and probably Uther) dead. If he escaped, Merlin was certain he'd try to kill Arthur again, perhaps when Merlin wasn't around to save him. Merlin hesitated for a fraction of a second, not wishing to take any life no matter how evil the person was. But when the sorcerer flung blue bolts of lightning towards Arthur, Merlin simply reacted with a protective instinct. He repelled the lightning, sending it back towards the sorcerer, penetrating the unsuspecting man's weak shield and killing him instantly. The evil man fell to the ground. Merlin warily approached him, feeling no pulse and confirming that his opponent was indeed dead. Then he released the energy barrier around Arthur. Merlin wobbled and almost fell down - he was so drained from depleting his magical reserves. It had taken everything he had to defeat the sorcerer. Ever proud, Merlin found the strength to stand upright. He would take his sentence like a man.

The crowd was dead silent. True, Merlin had protected their prince from certain death. He had also just broken the most sacred law of Camelot – he used magic. He had revealed to all that he was a warlock, and an extremely powerful one at that. Merlin knew, just as everyone else did, that he would have to pay for his crime with his life.

"Merlin, you are to be executed first thing tomorrow for practicing the art of magic," said Uther, just like Merlin knew he would. "Guards! Take him away."

Merlin finally dared look at Arthur in the eye. The prince's face reflected the shock of Merlin's revelation. The young warlock noted the faint flash of fear in Arthur's penetrating gaze. Then it was gone – Arthur had wiped all trace of emotion from his face. Merlin held back a sob – Arthur was afraid of him, after everything he'd done to protect his master and more importantly, his friend. He knew then that he could not count on Arthur coming to his defense. Sometimes Uther's son could persuade his father to reconsider his punishments, but this time it looked like Arthur agreed with Uther's sentence. And why wouldn't he? Arthur had been taught from a young age that all magic was evil. That belief wouldn't change just because Merlin had demonstrated his powers in public, not matter how good of friends they were. Still, Merlin didn't regret his decision to save Arthur. At least the man that he secretly loved would live to see another day.

"Uther, wait!" Lady Morgana pleaded. "He saved Arthur's life – surely that counts for something."

"He is also a cold blooded murderer," Uther pointed out. "He broke the law and death is the price. Morgana, you will spend the night in the dungeon for your treasonous comment. I will free you after Merlin's execution."

"No! Merlin!" Morgana screamed, her face full of horror as she struggled against the guards that took her away.

Morgana's servant Gwen did not look much better. Gwen covered her mouth with her hand, blinking back tears. She and Merlin were close, often sharing stories about their lot in life as servants and comparing notes about their masters. How she wished there was something she could do. But alas, there was nothing. If Morgana couldn't sway the king, no one could.

"Arthur, no suggestion about how Merlin is to be banished instead of beheaded?" Uther asked, clearly anticipating one.

"No, Father. I cannot trust him again. He committed sorcery – he deserves what he gets." Arthur glared at Merlin, crossing his arms over his chest.

Merlin almost lost it after that. "Arthur, I didn't want you to find out this way," Merlin choked out, taking a step towards his prince. "I'm so sorry. I swear, I only used my magic for good." Merlin knew it wouldn't matter at that point what he said, but he wanted Arthur to know that his intentions were honorable.

"You will address me as 'Sire' or not at all," Arthur said coldly. He backed away from his servant as if he would be infected by Merlin's magic just by being near the young warlock.

All the fight went out of Merlin at this. In the space of a few minutes, he'd lost Arthur's friendship – the one thing he valued most. When the guards came to collect him, Merlin went quietly. What was the point in struggling if Arthur was already against him? It was probably better this way. Merlin did not want to live in a world where Arthur despised him for something that he was born with, something that he had no control over. Magic was a part of him, and he a part of it. As he was led away, the young warlock kept his eyes on his prince for as long as he could before Arthur disappeared from his sight.

Later that night, Merlin hoped against all hope that Arthur might come to visit him in the dungeon to say goodbye. But the hours went by and there was no sign of Arthur. Merlin tried to go to sleep, but the image of the executioner's axe kept him awake. He was terrified of being beheaded. Would it hurt? Would anyone else mourn him besides Morgana and Gwen? What would happen to Arthur after Merlin's death? That scared him even more than the thought of the execution. If Arthur didn't live to be king, then the shining future destiny of Camelot that the great dragon spoke of would never come to pass.

.~.  
_  
Early the next morning_

Merlin was almost asleep when he heard someone turn the lock on his cell. A bolt of fear rushed through him, remembering the looming execution as he sat up with a start. Had the guards come to take him to his doom? Then Merlin watched as a hooded figure entered his cell, reaching for his hand. Instinctively, Merlin grabbed it.

"Come with me," the male voice whispered. Merlin would recognize that voice anywhere – Arthur had come to rescue him!

End Chapter 1

.~.

A/N: Reviews are great! Next part coming in a few days :) Questions, comments, concerns? Let me know! Thanks to my mom for betaing. She's not into slash but she still did it for me. My mom is fantastic.


	2. Destinies Intertwined

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the first chapter! I was so excited to get any response. I'm mainly writing this for myself. I wanted to read a fic where Merlin and Arthur are already together, where that isn't the focal point of the story. I hope to write another story, where Merthur are already in an established relationship and then outline what struggles they have to face ruling the kingdom as King and Sorcerer. That's my plan, anyway. Warning – Arthur uses the F word.

.~.

Chapter 2: _Destinies Intertwined_

_.~._

It took all of Merlin's skill with magical distractions to leave the dungeons and avoid being caught by the guards. Luckily, Arthur had his horse tied up near the castle entrance. It didn't take long for them to reach their ride. Arthur quickly untied it and helped Merlin settle on behind him. Merlin noticed that the horse was carrying provisions – food, water, blankets, a bow and arrows for hunting, and of course, Arthur's sword. Apparently Arthur had planned ahead. The idea of Arthur planning their escape and remembering to bring supplies warmed Merlin to the core. Suddenly, the warning bell began to clang.

"Dammit," Arthur swore. He'd hoped to leave the citadel without alerting the entire kingdom that Merlin had escaped, but someone must have seen them and sounded the alarm. The prince urged his horse with his heels to go faster. He couldn't let them be caught now, or Merlin would die! Arthur wouldn't let that happen to the boy that he…cared about.

Merlin held on to Arthur's waist for dear life as they fled the guards, their horse's footsteps ringing out along the cobblestones as they rode away. With Arthur's fiery red cape billowing out behind him, they flew under the iron drawbridge, which closed just after they'd cleared it. _Whew, that had been a close one! _Merlin mused. He supposed he could have saved them from the drawbridge using magic, but he was feeling depleted of most of his magical energy at the moment due to what had happened the day before.

Eventually, they made it out of Camelot. They were able to put some distance between them and the guards, who continued to chase them. Before long, they came to the edge of the forest, which swallowed them whole. Arthur's horse seemed to enjoy traipsing through the thick foliage as they rode along one of the lesser known dirt trails. Merlin enjoyed the sounds of the birds singing and the lingering scent of rain. He couldn't believe he'd made it out of Camelot alive. Merlin's stomach began doing little flips as he realized that Arthur had risked his own life and his future to save him. That had to mean something, right? At the very least, it meant that Arthur saw Merlin as being more than just a servant.

"Did we lose them?" Arthur asked, interrupting Merlin's train of thought.

"Not for long," said Merlin. "You know Uther – he'll never give up until he finds us and brings us back to Camelot. We shall have to be extra careful that we're not seen."

They stopped to rest the horse, letting her drink at a nearby stream. Arthur and Merlin filled their water skins after they drank their fill. They ate some of the bread and cheese that Arthur had packed. Merlin had been rather hungry, as Uther didn't believe in feeding prisoners who were set to be executed the next day.

"Merlin?"

"Hmm?" Merlin answered.

Arthur swallowed hard. "Can you use magic to conceal us?"

Merlin gaped at the prince.

"You actually _want_ me to use magic? After how you acted yesterday?"

Arthur glared at Merlin. "Dammit, you idiot! I was _pretending_! I had to, my father was _right there_."

"Yes, but why didn't you try to help me?" Merlin asked, still hurt by Arthur's lack of interference.

"My father would've just thrown me in jail, like he did with Morgana. Then…"

"…You wouldn't have been able to break me out," Merlin breathed.

"Right," said Arthur. "I thought it was an impressive acting job by me if I do say so myself."

"Yes, you're a prat, I know," said Merlin, trying to bring things between them back to normal. "But you were afraid of me," Merlin shivered, remembering Arthur's cold indifference. "Afraid of what I'd do to you with magic. I saw the fear in your own eyes."

"I was afraid about your _death_, Merlin!" Arthur rolled his eyes. Just how dense was his servant? "I could never be afraid of _you_."

"Yes, but I killed that sorcerer," Merlin reminded him. "I'm dangerous."

"You did what you had to do to keep Camelot safe, to keep _me_ safe. God, Merlin." Arthur started trembling. "I was afraid that I was going to lose you. Do you know what that feels like? Like the most precious thing you own is about to be taken from you and there is nothing you can do to keep it."

"I know _exactly_ what that feels like," Merlin shot back. He'd felt that way about Arthur for years – he'd just never felt brave enough to tell Arthur how he felt, much less reveal his magical secret.

Arthur let out a sigh. "Aw, fuck it. I know that the way I feel for you is against the law. But that doesn't matter to me – not anymore. I love you, Merlin. I couldn't let my father take you from me. Especially when you didn't know the truth about my feelings for you. I don't want anyone else but you. You're the only one I can trust with my heart." Arthur prayed that Merlin felt the same. He hoped so, but he wasn't sure. The prince's heart thudded erratically in his chest as he waited for Merlin's response. He shouldn't have worried.

"God, Arthur!" Merlin's eyes grew cloudy with tears. "I've loved you for so long! I didn't know how to tell you. I would have mentioned it before but I was sure you'd reject me." He ambushed Arthur, who enveloped him in a fierce hug. Then Arthur kissed Merlin's soft lips. The kiss grew heated, then tapered off slowly.

Their eyes both flew open after they ended the kiss. They kept staring into each other's eyes, gazing deep into each other's souls, both knowing that he had found their other half. It was as the dragon said – they really were two sides of the same coin.

"Never leave me, Arthur," Merlin pleaded.

"Never," Arthur promised. He brought their foreheads together and they just rested like that awhile. "Although I warn you, I'm still going to take a while to understand the whole 'magic' thing."

Merlin reluctantly pulled away. This was something they had to discuss. "You mean how I'm the last dragon lord or my regular everyday magic?"

"Dragon lord?"

Arthur was stunned. Merlin's powers amazed him. Not only could he apparently speak to dragons (and exercise control over them somewhat) but he could cast all sorts of spells and enchantments, usually for Arthur's benefit. How had he not noticed after all this time? There had been a suspicious number of happy accidents that led to Arthur emerging victorious over a magical creature or emerging unscathed from a battle with a superior opponent. It had been Merlin protecting him the whole time and he'd been stupid enough to believe that he'd won those fights on his own.

"Just how powerful _are_ you?"

"Very," said Merlin. "Well, not yet. But Gaius said I have the potential to be the most powerful sorcerer he's ever known."

"I don't understand – how'd you get to be that way?" Arthur wondered.

"I'll do my best to explain it to you. I do know I was born with magic; that the gift is often passed down in families. I'm not sure I understand it all myself," Merlin admitted.

"We have time," Arthur said wryly. "I don't have to be anywhere."

Merlin frowned at the flippant remark. Arthur would have to return to his kingdom eventually and they both knew it. "Right. So, where exactly are we going?"

"I hadn't really thought that far," Arthur blushed. "Maybe we could meet up with the Druids. I could leave you there with them and you'd be safe."

"And then you can go back home."

Arthur sighed. "I don't want to go back. There's nothing for me there without you."

"But you _have_ to go back - you're the future king!" Merlin insisted.

"I'm aware of my responsibilities," Arthur grounded out. Then he gave Merlin a true smile. "But I don't want to leave you. I don't know if I'm strong enough to return alone."

"I don't want you to leave, but you _must_ return to Camelot," Merlin insisted. "Your destiny is to rule and-"

"I bloody know, alright?" Arthur yelled. "And what about your destiny, huh? Aren't you supposed to be at my side?"

"As if I've always been there and always will be," Merlin whispered.

"What?" Arthur stared at the young warlock. "_Mer_lin? Did you really just spout romantic drivel at me?"

"No, sorry. Of course not." Merlin blushed.

"You did."

"No."

"_Mer_lin." Arthur smirked at the brunette. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to sweet talk your way into my bed."

"I-I well, I didn't mean…" Merlin stammered.

Arthur laughed, amused by Merlin's clumsy response. "There will be plenty of time for that later. No need to rush things."

Merlin looked relieved.

"Come on, then," said Arthur, patting Merlin's shoulder. "We need to keep moving."

"Just a moment." Merlin reached out with his magic, feeling his way through the forest as he searched for the Druids. "It's this way."

"How far?"

"Just a few hours," Merlin reassured him.

"What if the Druids won't let me stay? Or worse? What if they want to kill me?" Arthur worried. "They aren't the friendliest to Pendragons."

"You'll just have to trust me to convince them otherwise," said Merlin.

"There is no one I trust more," Arthur said seriously.

Merlin glowed at that.

.~.

_Three hours later_

.~.

Merlin's magic had led them straight to the Druids' camp. Two scouts dressed in brown came out to meet them. Merlin hoped that he wouldn't have to use magic against those of his kind. He wasn't sure how to talk them into quartering the son of Uther, the man who persecuted all who had magic. He had to try. The Druids had protective enchantment on their camp that would prevent any of Uther's men from finding them. It was their only hope of evading capture.

"Who goes there?" One of the scouts asked.

"My name is Merlin, but your kind know me as Emrys." The young warlock looked at them hopefully, giving them a toothy smile.

"I am called Daegal," said the scout, "and this, is Lochru." The scouts circled Merlin and Arthur like wolves on a hunt. "What is your business here, Emrys?"

"My friend and I would like to make camp here for a few days," said Merlin.

"We know of your legend. You are welcome here, Emrys," Lochru said with a nod. "But who is your friend?"

Arthur stepped into the light so that the Druids could see his face. Immediately, they both began to scowl once they recognized him. Merlin noticed that Arthur's face fell slightly at their reaction.

"I know who _he_ is. How far the great Pendragon has fallen to ask us for safe harbor." Daegal mocked Arthur, who bravely stood his ground and didn't take the bait.

"I know you are not fond of my father," said Arthur. "You have every right to hate him. But I am not him. I don't support his campaign of terror towards those with magic." His words didn't seem to make any difference. Merlin expected this, but was proud of Arthur for trying.

"Why are you helping him?" Lochru accused Merlin.

"Because… because…" Merlin trailed off. He and Arthur shared a worried look. Merlin didn't know what to do. He doubted anything he would say would make any difference. So, on a whim, he took Arthur's hand in his and interlocked their fingers, holding their hands up for the men to see.

"_Mer_lin," Arthur groaned, rubbing his temple with his free hand as if he had a headache. "Really? That's your grand plan to convince them?"

"You and the prince are…" The Druids exchanged a look of surprise, but not disgust. This practice was rare, but not unheard of among them.

"Together," Merlin supplied helpfully. "Yes. We will not be separated. Please, we need a safe place to stay. Uther's men are after us and they mean to kill us."

"Do you swear that he will not give the location of our home to those who wish to harm us?" Lochru asked, glaring at Arthur, who coolly returned his gaze.

"With my life," Merlin pledged.

The two Druids looked at each other, and both slowly nodded.

"Very well, Emrys," said Daegal. "We will grant your request. But you may only stay for a night."

"That's fair," said Merlin, beaming from ear to ear. "Thank you. We won't forget this."

"When I am king, I will find a way to repay you," Arthur promised.

"This way," the scouts beckoned.

They followed the Druids to their camp, where they were introduced to all. Merlin was treated with the utmost respect, while Arthur received many looks of distrust. To Merlin's delight, they were provided with food, water, and a hut to rest for the night. The Druids left them to their own devices, for which Merlin was grateful. He wanted to spend time alone with Arthur now that they had admitted their feelings for one another.

They spent quite a bit of time kissing and exploring each other's bodies. A permanent blush had fixed itself on Merlin's face, which delighted Arthur to no end. He teased Merlin mercilessly about it, who retorted with the usual insults. They took a break when Arthur's stomach declared that it was time for them to eat.

"Uther's death must be years away – until then, I just want to spend my life with you," Arthur declared between bites of chicken.

"You really mean that," Merlin said, stunned.

"Would I lie about something like that?" Arthur looked hurt.

"No! I mean, no you wouldn't. I'm just… happy." Merlin beamed at the man that he loved. "I wasn't sure if this was a long term thing. I thought – I hoped it was."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "What do I have to do to convince you? Issue a royal proclamation?"

"No, that's not necessary," Merlin primly replied. They caught each other's eyes and laughed. Then Merlin's smile disappeared as he confessed, "I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you, Arthur."

"I hope you never have to find out." Arthur reached for Merlin's hand and Merlin squeezed it in reassurance. At least they were together now. After months of hoping, Merlin's wish had finally come true. It seemed it was that way for Arthur as well.

They cleaned up after the meal, then they sat in companionable silence. But Arthur couldn't keep quiet for long.

"You know, I've thought a lot about what I'll do when I eventually become king. I'll be able to overturn the laws that forbid magic," the prince said with confidence. "It may take a few weeks, but once the new laws pass, I will appoint you as Court Sorcerer of Camelot. That is, if you want."

Merlin beamed. "You'd do that for me?"

"Obviously, since I suggested it," Arthur snorted. "I believe that your powers should be recognized and celebrated, especially by your king."

"We wouldn't quite be considered equals in public but I suppose it's an improvement on the whole master/servant thing," Merlin considered.

"I'm afraid we could never be together - officially, I mean," Arthur said quietly.

Merlin gave him an odd look. "What'd you mean?"

Arthur explained. "When I'm king, I'll have to marry a noblewoman and have an heir, preferably a male one."

"_And_?" Merlin knew all of this.

Arthur cleared his throat. "You're not upset that I'd be cheating on you?"

"_Cheating_?" Merlin couldn't believe it. "Camelot's future depends on you having children, to continue the royal bloodline. You _have_ to marry and produce and heir. It's part of your duty. How could I hold that against you?"

Arthur sighed. "I know, I know, but it just sounds strange being with someone who isn't, well, you. I suppose a marriage of convenience would be in order. Someone with whom I could unite our lands."

"Would the woman in question know about us before you married her?" Merlin worried. "Because I wouldn't want you to give her the wrong idea about being faithful-"

That earned him a withering look. "_Mer_lin. The whole _castle_ is going to know about us as soon as we return and you move into my royal chambers."

"Arthur, are you _mad?" _ Merlin yelped. "I can't do that! I'd sleep somewhere else; if I'm seen with you in bed people will talk…"

"I'm sure people talk already," Arthur said offhandedly. "Merlin, it will work itself out."

"What if people think I've cast a spell on you, that as the Court Sorcerer I could use my position as a means to gain power over the great King Arthur?" Merlin worried.

"They'd be half right. You certainly have cast a spell on me," said Arthur.

"Very funny," said Merlin, punching him in the arm. "We should get some sleep. We'll need it if we're to be on our way tomorrow."

"You're probably right," said Arthur. They curled up together on the single crude bed.

"This is cozy," Merlin yawned. "Goodnight, then."

That lasted for about five minutes.

"I can't sleep," Arthur whined, just when Merlin was about to drift off. "Talk to me, Merlin."

"Arthur," Merlin groaned. "You wore me out earlier. I'm tired."

"Please?"

Merlin gave in. "Fine. What do you want to talk about?"

Arthur sighed. "I dunno. Let's see. When I'm king, are there any other things you think I should change besides the whole magic thing?"

"Are you asking for my suggestions?" Merlin asked, just to be sure. Arthur had never done that before. It made Merlin feel appreciated, like his opinion actually mattered. It was worth staying up for.

"Yes."

"You should change the knights' uniforms," Merlin blurted out.

This had been something that had been bothering Merlin for a while, but he hadn't been sure how to address it. Several of the knights of Camelot had been killed on patrol in the past few weeks and Merlin had tried to think of a way to prevent such needless deaths in the future. This was one of the ideas he'd come up with, but he'd been hesitant to share it with Arthur. He was afraid Arthur would laugh at it and Merlin would feel the sting of disappointment that Arthur wasn't taking what he said seriously.

"What?" Arthur yelped. "Why? What's wrong with them?"

"The capes have _got_ to go – they're impractical for fighting and too easy to trip over." Merlin explained. "And the red and gold – ye Gods! It's like painting a target on your back that says 'shoot here'. You should wear green, or perhaps brown to blend in with your surroundings when you're patrolling in the woods."

"I never would have thought of that," Arthur admitted. In an afterthought, he added, "You're so _smart_, Merlin."

"What do you want, Arthur?" Merlin sighed.

"No, I mean it," Arthur insisted. "Do you really think I'd be attracted to you if you weren't intelligent?"

"You think I'm an idiot," Merlin reminded him.

"Very true," said Arthur. "You're an intelligent idiot."

"That doesn't even make sense," said Merlin, exasperated.

"To most people the idea of this… of _us_ doesn't make sense," Arthur said quietly.

"But it makes sense to us," said Merlin. "And that's all that counts."

"Mmm," Arthur agreed. They were silent for a few minutes. "You know, I wish I could talk like this to you all the time. Not as the future king, not as a knight, but just as Arthur – without having to worry about what other people think if they overheard me."

"Me too. Then I'd probably get more compliments out of you," Merlin teased.

"In your dreams," Arthur muttered, but they both knew he didn't mean it.

"So you'll consider changing the uniforms?"

"Yes. I'll do it. Although I'm still partial to the red and gold."

"You could still wear the old uniforms for ceremonial purposes," said Merlin. "I wouldn't want you to lose the look completely."

Arthur read between the lines. "You like looking at me in uniform."

Merlin blushed for the twentieth time that day. Thankfully it was too dark for Arthur to notice – no need to inflate his already overlarge ego.

"You're blushing," Arthur deduced.

"Am not," Merlin protested.

"You are! Your face is hot," Arthur said triumphantly.

"Oh shut up," Merlin muttered as Arthur patted his warm cheeks. "As much as I love where this conversation is headed, we need to sleep."

"Alright," Arthur agreed. "I wonder what _you_ would look like in the knights' uniform?"

"Good_night_, Arthur," Merlin said firmly, secretly pleased that Arthur was thinking of him in that way.

"'Night."

They fell asleep with Arthur's arm curled protectively around Merlin's chest.

.~.

The next morning, Arthur and Merlin were rudely awakened by a loud knocking at their door.

"Who is it?" Arthur called, his eyes still tightly shut. He had a sleepy Merlin in his arms – he did not want to get up just yet.

"It's Lancelot," the voice called. "Open up."

Merlin and Arthur bolted out of bed at that, pulling on their clothes before they opened the door. What was one of their knights doing there?

"How did you find us?" Merlin asked as Lancelot came in.

"Never mind that," Lancelot said impatiently. He turned to Arthur. "Sire, I bring urgent news. King Uther has taken ill. He's not expected to live for more than a few days."

Merlin's heart sank. There went his time alone with Arthur.

A determined glint surfaced in Arthur's blue eyes. "I'm sorry, Merlin. I know what I said about us building a life together, but that was before I knew my father was ill. I have to go back."

"Then I'm going with you," Merlin vowed.

.~.

End Chapter 2

A/N: This chapter is twice the size of what it was meant to be, which that's why it late being posted. Reviews are great!


	3. Long Live The King

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. Thanks to all my great reviewers! I love them soooo much I just wanted to say that I like nice!Morgana so she's going to be staying that way for awhile. I hope I got Lancelot right. OMG Arthur saying "Lance… a _lot" _in 1X05. I think that could have been a Bradley James adlib. I can't stop watching behind the scenes Merlin – it is sooo fun. People have made some awesome Merthur youtube vids as well. *Sigh* I love new fandoms. Here's a nice long chapter for you guys. Happy Memorial Day to those who celebrate it.

.~.

Chapter 3: Long Live The King 

.~.

Merlin, Arthur, and Lancelot set off for Camelot as soon as they could gather their belongings. To Arthur's relief, their horses had been well cared-for, probably because the Druids had so much respect for Merlin. The Druids had also replenished their food and water supply. Merlin said his goodbyes quickly, thanking the Druids for their hospitality. Arthur was relieved to leave the Druid camp, as he hadn't felt welcome there. It was strange only being allowed to stay there because he was _with_ Merlin. Arthur was used to the other way around, getting Merlin into noble functions because he was with the prince.

The three men rode single file, with Arthur at the front, Merlin in the middle, and Lancelot in the back. However minutes into the ride, Arthur fell back so he could ride side by side with Merlin. The young warlock was both surprised and pleased by this action.

"Is everything alright?" Merlin asked, wondering why Arthur wasn't taking the opportunity to lead like he always did.

Arthur nodded, then asked, "Should we tell Lancelot about us?"

"What, _now_?" Whatever Merlin had been expecting Arthur to say, it certainly hadn't been _that_.

Arthur shrugged. "Why not?"

"If you really want to, that's fine with me," said Merlin, unable to keep from smiling. Finally, someone else would know about him and Arthur! He was fine keeping it between them, but it was always nice for an outside party to know. "You did say that you wanted people to know about us. Might as well start off by telling one of our friends who we know is going to support us."

Arthur cleared his throat, drawing Lancelot's attention.

Lancelot accelerated his speed so he could hear Arthur. "Yes, my lord?"

"We should stop and water the horses."

After a few minutes, they came across a small stream just off the trail. Lancelot dismounted and pulled his horse over to drink. Arthur and Merlin did the same.

Merlin glanced over at Arthur, waiting for him to begin, but the prince said nothing.

"I thought you were going to tell him," Merlin whispered.

"I thought you _were_," Arthur hissed.

"Don't be such a coward."

"I'm _not_ a coward!"

"What are you two arguing about?" Lancelot asked. "Is it about your love life?"

Merlin went beet red, which Arthur found incredibly endearing.

"Actually, Lancelot," Arthur began. "About that. I wanted to inform you that Merlin and I are…" he trailed off. How exactly was he supposed to explain what they were? What had Merlin said before to the Druids? That they were together. Somehow that didn't seem descriptive enough. He and Merlin had always spent a lot of time together as master and servant, and then as friends. They weren't exactly lovers, not yet. He still didn't think that 'lovers' was an apt description of what they meant to each other either. He saw Merlin not as a servant, but as an equal, the only person in Camelot that he believed to be his equal. So, friends, equals, and soon-to-be lovers? Luckily, Merlin saved him the trouble of having to explain all that.

"He's courting me," Merlin helpfully supplied.

"_Mer_lin!" Arthur groaned, sending him a look that clearly said 'I'm going to kill you'. "Did you have to put it like that?"

"Took you two bloody long enough," said Lancelot, shaking his head. "I wondered when you were going to come to your senses," he said, nodding at Arthur. "Merlin had been mooning about over you for _ages_."

"Lancelot!" Merlin sounded horrified. "I told you that in confidence."

"Ah, turnabout is fair play, Merlin." Arthur smirked. "Ages, huh? Just how _long_ have you been pining away for me?"

"None of your business," Merlin said stiffly.

"But it is my business. I _order_ you to tell me," said Arthur, using his 'authoritative prince' voice.

"You're not my master anymore. I don't have to tell you _anything_," Merlin said cheekily.

"He's right, Arthur; he doesn't have to tell you a thing." Lancelot agreed.

"Traitor," Arthur grumbled good-naturedly. "I should have you hanged for treason."

"You might as well hang Merlin too for sorcery," Lancelot suggested.

"And you should be hanged for helping me escape from jail," said Merlin, grinning at Arthur.

"When I'm king, I'll pardon us all," said Arthur with a grin. Then his grin quickly faded as he realized what he'd said. "_If_ I become king any time soon."

"Whatever happens with your father, I'll be with you all the way," Merlin reminded the prince, placing an arm around his shoulder.

"I know," Arthur said quietly. "I appreciate that, Merlin, more than you know."

"I'll be there as well," Lancelot chimed in, ruining the moment.

"Thank you," said Arthur, clasping hands with his knight. "I'll need all the help I can get."

The future king was silent for the next stretch of riding, leading the group on his horse. Merlin thought about asking him what was the matter but decided that Arthur would talk when he was good and ready. He probably just needed some time to sort out how he felt about his father's possible death, assuming the throne, and voluntarily accepting the weight of the kingdom on his broad shoulders.

Merlin just hoped that Arthur wasn't thinking what he was thinking. What if Arthur asked him to cure Uther with magic? On one hand, how could he say no to Arthur now that they had admitted what they felt for each other? On the other hand, how could he save the life of someone who'd dedicated their life to killing people with magic? Either way, he'd be betraying someone. He'd just have to hope that Arthur wouldn't think of asking him to do such a thing.

When Arthur fell back to talk to him, Merlin's stomach churned with apprehension.

"Merlin?"

"Hmm?"

"Could you cure my father? With your magic?" Arthur asked.

Merlin forced himself not to panic. This was the very question he'd hoped that Arthur wouldn't ask of him. Although, had their places been reversed, and it was _his_ father that was on his deathbed, he wouldn't have hesitated to ask. Merlin didn't blame Arthur. Arthur wasn't stupid – he remembered that Merlin was a powerful magician who might have the talents to heal the sick. The young warlock decided on telling a half-truth.

"I don't even know what's wrong with him. I'm not sure if I can cure him," Merlin said slowly.

"You mean you can't or you _won't_?" Arthur pressed.

Merlin didn't answer, which was answer enough for the future king.

"How could you _dare_ refuse him? How could you dare refuse me?" Arthur yelled.

"You can't tell me what to do," Merlin shot back. "Not anymore."

Lancelot caught up to them, curious about all the shouting. "Really? You're going to do this _now_?" Lancelot asked, incredulous.

Both Arthur and Merlin ignored him, too wrapped up in their fight.

"Merlin, why on earth wouldn't you cure him if I asked it of you? He's my father and your king. You owe him your allegiance."

"I swore my allegiance to _you_, Arthur. Not to your father. I'm thinking of the good of the kingdom," Merlin shot back. "I'm thinking of the people born with magical abilities. If I cure Uther, he could live for another ten years – maybe more. How many more people must die thanks to his prejudices? And then there are the people that don't have magic and are falsely accused. Not to mention the poor and the hungry. If you were the king instead of Uther, perhaps you could-"

Arthur interrupted him. "The good of the _kingdom_? Sure. I know what you're really thinking. You're thinking that if you save my father, you'll have to continue to hide what you are," said Arthur. "You're being incredibly selfish, Merlin!"

Merlin couldn't believe his ears. "I hadn't even thought of that! I swear I wasn't thinking of myself, although perhaps you might do well to. I can't exactly waltz back into Camelot, can I? Not with a death sentence on my head."

Arthur scoffed at that. "Can't you just cast a disguising spell? That shouldn't be too difficult if you're as powerful as you claim."

"I could, but I don't know how long I could maintain it," Merlin said truthfully. "I haven't practiced it enough because I _bloody well have to hide my magical abilities_!"

Warlock and prince glared at each other. Arthur's temper flared, and Merlin was not faring much better. He loved Arthur, he really did, but sometimes the prince could be a pompous ass. This was one of those times. It was true that Arthur had grown wiser over the years that he'd befriended Merlin. However, there were times where his arrogance and stubbornness would rear its ugly head.

Merlin forced himself to think. How could he solve this without having to use magic? Was there any law that stated that the prince could rule in the king's place if said king was sick or incapacitated? Merlin wasn't sure.

"What if there was an alternate solution," Merlin said slowly.

"What'd you mean?" Arthur asked.

"What if Uther verbally relinquished the throne to you? Could you become king then?"

"I can't assume power unless my father is dead," Arthur said hollowly. "It was a good idea, though."

"Thanks."

They rode in silence for the next ten minutes, each lost in their own thoughts. Arthur finally broke the silence.

"Truth be told, you were right. I _am _a coward."

"No you're not. You're the bravest person I know," said Merlin. "After me, of course. I've been brave enough to stick around to save your sorry ass more times than you'd care to know."

Arthur didn't even chuckle at that.

"I'm not ready to be king," Arthur confessed. "That's why I was so hard on you earlier. It wasn't even that I was worried my father would die. I mean, that would be hard but that's not the main reason why I acted the way I did. I'm terrified, Merlin. Terrified that I'll make a mistake that will lead to losing the lives of my subjects, the people I've sworn to protect. Terrified that I'll be viewed as too soft. Terrified that I'll be just like my father." Arthur shook his head.

"You'll be a great king. I know so," said Merlin.

"I can't believe I had the nerve to call you selfish when it was _me_-"

"Shh," Merlin pulled Arthur to him and lightly stroked his golden hair. "It's alright."

"No, it's _not_ alright," Arthur shuddered. "I can't keep talking to you that way, like you're just my servant."

"I'm used to it," Merlin joked. "You were angry – it's forgotten."

"It's not fair to you," Arthur insisted. "You're so good inside, Merlin – so kindhearted and pure. You don't deserve to be insulted, even when I am angry. Especially then."

"Arthur, your father is _dying_. Not only that, you might have to assume the throne. You're under a lot of pressure!" Merlin smiled at the prince, trying to reassure him. "You're going to say things that you don't mean. I understand that. I won't hold it against you."

"You should," Arthur whispered. "You deserve my respect at the very least."

"_Thank_ you," said Merlin, warmed by the rare compliment. "Look at me." Arthur did. "Arthur, we're going to disagree on things. It's going to happen. We'll probably have some spectacular fights in our day – every couple does. But what matters is if we're able to settle our differences with as little damage to each other as possible."

"If I'm too horrible to you, you should use your magic against me. Teach me a lesson." Arthur was only half kidding.

"I just might," Merlin muttered, although they both knew he never would abuse his powers in such a way. "Depends on how big of a prat you're being."

Merlin reached out with his free hand and Arthur grasped it.

"Arthur, I don't want to use magic to cure your father. I can't stand by and know that I let other innocent people die thanks to his wrath. I couldn't live with myself if I did that. I'm sorry."

Arthur sighed. "I thought that's what you were going to say. I want what's best for the kingdom too, and although I hate to admit it, it would be better for everyone if my father died. I'll just have to get over my fear of becoming king so young."

"So I'm forgiven?"

"There was nothing to forgive."

Merlin smiled at that. Arthur returned his smile.

"Oi, did you two kiss and make up?" Lancelot asked from his position behind them.

"Oh shut up," Arthur muttered good-naturedly.

They stopped to make camp and eat. Merlin could tell Arthur still wanted to talk about the responsibilities that went along with becoming king, so he sent Lancelot away to gather some firewood. Arthur would not let his guard down around even his closest of friends, only Merlin was to be privy to his insecurities.

"I still don't feel ready," Arthur began. "Fix it, Merlin."

Merlin shook his head. "I can't fix it – only you can do that. But I will tell you this - no one _ever_ feels completely ready to assume a new responsibility. But you have prepared for this your whole life. You've seen by your father's example what to do, and what not to do."

"What if I'm just like him?" Arthur worried yet again.

"You already said you were going to reverse the law on magic," Merlin reminded him. "That's one thing your father never would have done."

"I also want to give my people the right to a fair trial if they are accused of a crime," Arthur added. "They will be innocent until proven guilty – not the other way around."

"That's two things. What else?" Merlin encouraged.

"I want to lessen the tax on the poor. It's not fair that I get everything and they get practically nothing."

"Arthur, even if you only make those three changes, you're going to be the best king Camelot's ever had," Merlin said emphatically.

"I also want to avoid wars if I can. I already have enough land. I don't want to risk the lives of my men to acquire properly like my father did."

"See? You and Uther are as different as night and day," said Merlin. "You know why?"

"Why?"

"Because you're choosing to not to be like him; you're choosing to be your own ruler."

"I suppose so."

"And because of that your people will adore you and believe in you as much as I do."

Arthur kissed him in response.

.~.

_Five hours later_

As soon as they arrived at the castle, Merlin ran off to alert Gwen and Morgana of his and the prince's return. Arthur wanted Lancelot to gather the knights Elyan, Percival, Leon, and Gawain to wait outside the king's chambers. The future king knew he would need their support when he had to address his subjects, who were outside holding candlelight vigils for Uther. Why they would do a thing for their fallen king when he had never been very popular, Arthur would never understand. But he appreciated the gesture.

Arthur raced as fast as his legs could carry him to the king's chambers. He opened the door and slipped inside, unsure he was prepared to face what awaited him. His father was alone save for a priest, who was present to complete Uther's Last Rites. Uther's gaunt form lay in the middle of the bed. Arthur had never seen his father so frail or so powerless.

"Father." Arthur pushed away his fear, focusing on his compassion for his dying parent. Perhaps it was his father's time, but that didn't make it easier on him to watch. "I got here as soon as I could." He thought about apologizing for leaving with Merlin, but quickly nixed the idea. Now was not the time to bring up his law-breaking. He wanted to give his father a proper send off. Mending things between them was crucial before Uther could pass on.

"Arthur. I'm glad I got to see you one last time before… well." Uther gave his son a grim smile. "I'm afraid you'll have to assume the throne much sooner than you expected."

"I am prepared to do so. Father, I promise you that I will rule Camelot to the very best of my ability," Arthur swore.

"I do not doubt it," said Uther. He coughed and struggled to breathe, making this seem all the more real to Arthur. His father was about to die and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"When I become king, I will marry soon, and produce an heir to continue the Pendragon lineage." Arthur did his best to assure his father that he would take care of Camelot after he was gone. He would not let the kingdom be without an heir, which could lead to debate over who was next in line to rule, and in a worst case scenario could lead to civil war.

He would do his duty, even though his heart belonged to Merlin. He and Merlin understood that their obligation to keep the peace came before the love they had for each other.

Uther coughed again, wheezing as he struggled to keep breathing.

"Sire, if you wish to confess something, now would be the time," said the priest.

"I want you to be happy, Arthur," Uther said heavily, as if it was difficult to say the words. "If you can manage it, find a wife that you believe you could learn to love."

"Like the way you loved my mother?" Arthur pressed.

"Yes. Promise that if something happens to the one you love that you will not allow hate to guide your decisions. Don't be like me, how angry I was after I lost your mother. I took my anger out on many of my subjects, something I deeply regret." Uther reached out and grabbed his son's wrist. "Promise me."

Whatever Arthur had expected his father would confess, it was not that. "I promise," Arthur vowed.

"You will be a far better man than I am, my son," said Uther.

"I will remember you fondly, Father," Arthur said, hoping that one day he would be able to do just that.

Arthur stayed with his father as the king slowly slipped away. Uther's pallid form went completely still. Arthur knew his father was gone even before the priest checked his breathing. _Now I am the king,_ he thought dully. It didn't seem real. When he'd imagined taking the throne, Arthur had never pictured himself this young, this inexperienced. This was in stark contrast to his fantasy, which included applauding crowds and perching on the throne wearing his large golden crown. He supposed he'd mixed up his future coronation with the scenario where the kingship was actually passed from Uther to himself. He hadn't imagined feeling this empty, watching as the priest closed his father's blank eyes and covered him up with the white bed sheet.

"Your majesty," the priest addressed him with a slight bow. Arthur turned away from his father's covered form to stare at the priest, startled at the title. He was the king – his new responsibilities started right now.

"King Uther is dead." The priest announced, opening the door to Uther's chambers to allow Arthur to pass through. Merlin came running, then remembered himself and skidded to a stop next to Morgana and Gwen, who gave Arthur a sad look. Sir Elyan, Sir Leon, Sir Percival, and Sir Gawain all bowed before their new king, swearing their allegiance. Arthur strode forward as the doors closed behind him, momentarily sealing the dead body in the king's chambers.

"All hail Arthur Pendragon, king of Camelot." The priest announced.

"Long live the king!" The knights chorused.

"Long live the king!" Morgana, Gwen, and Merlin echoed. "Long live the king!"

Arthur nodded at them in acknowledgement but didn't speak. He locked eyes with Merlin, not feeling so lost knowing that Merlin was there supporting him.

"Sire, the people have heard the bells," the priest said gently, as Arthur was struggling to absorb all that was happening around him. He tore his eyes away from Merlin and focused on the priest's words. "They know your father has passed. You must speak to them; reassure them that you're in charge and that you will keep them safe." _Address the subjects, right._ Arthur thought. So much for easing into his kingly duties.

Merlin was the only one who noticed a flash of fear in Arthur's blue eyes before it was overcome by a fierce determination. Now that he was the king, he bloody well was going to act like one.

"Then I will address my subjects," Arthur declared, standing tall and proud. Then he locked eyes again with his sorcerer. "Merlin, with me."

.~.

End Chapter 3

A/N: Hope you liked! Reviews are great!


	4. New Beginnings

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

.~.

Chapter 4: New Beginnings

.~.

_(Recap)_

"_All hail Arthur Pendragon, king of Camelot." The priest announced. _

"_Long live the king!" The knights chorused. _

"_Long live the king!" Morgana, Gwen, and Merlin echoed. "Long live the king!"_

_Arthur nodded at them in acknowledgement but didn't speak. He locked eyes with Merlin, not feeling so lost knowing that Merlin was there supporting him._

"_Sire, the people have heard the bells," the priest said gently, as Arthur was struggling to absorb all that was happening around him. He tore his eyes away from Merlin and focused on the priest's words. "They know your father has passed. You must speak to them; reassure them that you're in charge and that you will keep them safe." _Address the subjects, right._ Arthur thought. So much for easing into his kingly duties._

_Merlin was the only one who noticed a flash of fear in Arthur's blue eyes before it was overcome by a fierce determination. Now that he was the king, he bloody well was going to act like one._

"_Then I will address my subjects," Arthur declared, standing tall and proud. Then he locked eyes again with his sorcerer. "Merlin, with me." _

Everyone present automatically turned their attention from Arthur to Merlin. This included the two guardsmen whose daily job was to secure Uther's chambers. Their loyalties lay with Uther, and Arthur could see the hate in their eyes as they realized that Merlin had returned to Camelot. No matter – he would nip this in the bud.

"Sire, your servant has been accused of being a sorcerer." One of the guards stepped forward to plead his case. "He must be a sorcerer – how else could he have broken out of his cell? Your father sentenced him to death and that sentence still stands." Then he turned to Merlin. "It's off to the dungeons with you."

Both guards grabbed Merlin by his arms, but he didn't struggle. Merlin knew that Arthur would intervene on his behalf.

"No. I'm _ordering_ you to let him go." Arthur haughtily glared at the guards, who reluctantly released Merlin, who slowly moved closer to Arthur.

"But sire…" The second guard protested. "The law says-"

"I'm the king now, and I have pardoned him," Arthur cut him off. "Merlin is free of all past offenses, and if _you_ want to keep your head you'll bloody _do as I say_." Arthur caught Merlin's eye, and there was faint amusement in the warlock's gaze. Arthur supposed he'd overdone it a bit with the harsh, condescending tone, but he was the king now, not Uther. He had to put the guards in their place.

"Yes, your majesty." The guards bowed low at Arthur. There was an uncomfortable silence, which was eventually broken by Morgana.

"Arthur, have you seen this?" Morgana asked, pointing at the window and bringing him back to the present. "They're waiting for you."

Arthur looked down through the tinted glass windows at the townspeople holding a candlelight vigil for their king. The bells tolled out Uther's death in the background. The severity of the situation flooded back to him, as his focus had been temporarily diverted by the guards arresting Merlin. _This is happening all too fast,_ Arthur thought.

"I must speak to them." How he wished he'd had time to prepare a speech. He had never addressed the public without something to glance at. Of course he wasn't nervous because he didn't_ get_ nervous. That was the lie he'd told Merlin before he competed in a jousting tournament that Uther had expected him to win. Right now he wished he was fighting in a tournament instead of about to give a speech in front of all of Camelot. At least he knew he was good at jousting.

Arthur turned to leave and Merlin fell into step beside him, as usual. They quickly descended down one of the castle's stone spiral staircases and waited until the guards pulled the front doors open for them to pass through.

"I'm not sure I can do this," Arthur said under his breath.

"Just speak from the heart," Merlin advised.

Arthur stared incredulously at him. "_Seriously_, Merlin? What's wrong with you?"

"According to Gaius, I was dropped on my head as a baby." Arthur did chuckle at that, which was Merlin's intention.

Arthur walked down the steps toward the town square, stopping a few steps before the bottom so his people could see him. Merlin stood next to him. As Arthur stared into the eyes of his frightened people, his heart started pounding and he forgot what he wanted to say. Arthur was consumed by his thoughts. _What if they think I'm a complete idiot?_ _What if they think my reign is going to be just like my father's? What if they think I'll be even worse than my father?_

Merlin saw Arthur freeze. To snap him out of it, he gave Arthur a subtle kick on his foot. Arthur got the message – he needed to start the speech. He took one look at Merlin, who gave him a tiny grin before he took a few steps away, leaving Arthur to take the stage. Then King Arthur squared his shoulders, cleared his throat, and began.

"Thank you for being here tonight." Arthur raised his voice so that all could hear their new king. "It is with a heavy heart that I announce my father's passing. He was your king for many years, and you his loyal subjects. I humbly ask for that loyalty as I begin my time as king. I will be upholding some of the fair and just laws that have governed Camelot for generations. However, I will be moving to change several of those laws. It has not gone unnoticed that there have been many executions during Uther's reign. Many of those deaths were, in my opinion, unnecessary. I will not idly sit by as my subjects are slaughtered on false charges."

Some of the townspeople were nodding at some of the things Arthur was saying, so he took that as encouragement.

"As my first act as king, I officially pardon all those who have been falsely accused of sorcery by my father." He nodded to Merlin, who nodded back. Arthur had just ensured that Merlin's charges had been dropped, in front of all of Camelot. No one would mistake Merlin for a criminal again.

The crowd was eerily silent. Merlin guessed that most of the townspeople were still in shock from Arthur's announcement. He was in mild shock himself, even though he knew Arthur had told him beforehand what to expect. Hearing Arthur say "pardon" and "sorcery" in the same sentence was quite jarring and, in a way, endearing. Arthur seemed to be getting used to people using magic. Merlin was very proud of him for this.

Arthur continued on. "My second act as king, will allow the children suspected of sorcery who have been banished from Camelot may return without fear of persecution and reunite with their families."

The crowd started cheering softly, and a few people clapped their hands.

Feeling a bit braver, Arthur kept going. "My third act as king is if someone is accused of a crime, they have a right to a fair trial. If you are found innocent, you have nothing to fear."

The cheering masses were thrilled by that decree – they thought it was unfair that the law said that the accused would be found guilty before proven innocent.

"My fourth act as king is there will be a tax reduction for all. I know how hard you work, the farmers, the laborers, the _servants_." Arthur glanced over at Merlin who gave him a tiny smile. "You all deserve enough money so you can have food, clean water, clothing, and a decent roof over your head."

People were screaming their thanks for that one. Arthur was almost stunned into silence. He'd hoped that they could cheer especially for that one. And they did! A warm feeling settled in his chest. He was almost through the speech and he hadn't messed it up.

"Finally, let me say that I will do everything in my power to keep the citizens of Camelot and its defenders out of war. I will not consider warring with any enemy unless all peaceful solutions have failed."

Arthur's audience roared their approval, some of them shaking their candles in the air.

"In conclusion, I have no doubt that our kingdom will stand strong as long as I can rely on the loyalty of my subjects. Thank you and long live Camelot!"

The crowd's cacophony was quite deafening to Merlin after Arthur finished his mercifully short speech. He would have loved to return to the castle and his bed, but Arthur had other plans in mind. Arthur pulled Merlin into the crowd so they could mingle. Merlin would bet his life that Uther had never taken such an action. Arthur had already proved that he was going to be a better king than his father.

Surrounded by the rippling sea of glowing lights, Arthur and Merlin walked around and spoke with the townspeople. Merlin stuck close to Arthur, just in case someone was trying to off him. After all, after Arthur, there was no heir to the throne. Merlin was about to keep going, but he heard a teenage girl's timid voice.

"Prince Arthur - I brought you a flower from home." He nudged Arthur, who turned around to meet the girl.

"Thank you," Arthur said graciously. He smiled as the girl handed him a red rose. "It's beautiful_". _He thought, _I think I'm going to let Merlin have that._

"Oh, uh, I mean _King_ Arthur. I know you are not a prince. You're the king. Sorry, my lord." She hung her head.

"It's fine," Arthur waved it off. "I'm not used to being called the king." She raised her face to him once more. What is your name?"

"Hunith, my lord," said the shy girl, blushing at being directly addressed by the king.

"Hunith – that is a beautiful name." Arthur graced the girl with one of his knee-weakening smiles. She looked like she was about to burst with excitement. "That is my servant's mother's name. Did you want to ask me something?"

"Umm…yes. Hold on, I forgot. Oh! Now I remember. Do you have to sleep in your crown?" The girl asked.

Arthur chuckled. "No, I don't have to. I don't sleep in my crown."

"When are you going to get married to a queen?" Another girl asked him.

Arthur laughed uncomfortably and told her he didn't know. He caught Merlin's eye and suddenly it was time to leave.

.~.

Merlin waited for Arthur to finish mingling with the crowd. When Arthur finally disentangled himself from a gaggle of girls, they ascended the steps to Arthur's chambers. He would have to move into the King's chambers at some point, but not tonight.

"Those girls seemed to be very interested in you today," Merlin pointed out.

"Well, yes, young ladies are going to follow me around. I have dealt with that all my life. It comes with the title. But don't worry, Merlin." He brought his voice down to a whisper. "You're the most important person in my life."

"Glad to hear it. Fantastic speech you gave there," said Merlin with a grin, patting Arthur's shoulder.

"Thank you," said Arthur, puffing up with pride. "It was, wasn't it?"

"There was one part that I had an issue with."

"And what would that be?" Arthur asked.

Merlin waited until they were safely inside Arthur's room before he continued.

"You don't know?" Merlin frowned.

Arthur shook his head. "What are you on about?"

"How about being falsely accused of sorcery? That hardly describes me."

Arthur threw up his hands. "I had to start _somewhere_. I don't want to legally recognize those with magic until I have met with the council. I want to do this properly for all our sakes. We'll need time to convince the council, to establish guidelines for those who use magic. In my haste to help the innocent magical folk, I don't want to leave us vulnerable to those who would use magic for evil."

"Good point," Merlin reluctantly conceded.

Arthur yanked his shirt and pants off, not bothering to go behind the screen. Merlin automatically hurried to grab Arthur's night clothes, but Arthur stopped him.

"No. I can do it."

"Are you sure you know how?" Merlin teased, pleased that Arthur wasn't treating him like a servant when they were alone.

"Shut up, Merlin," Arthur said amiably as he quickly changed clothes. He flopped onto the bed, not bothering with the covers. Arthur patted the spot beside him. "Join me."

"Don't mind if I do." Merlin snuggled up next to Arthur. "I just realized something?"

"What?" asked Arthur.

"I'm in bed with the king of Camelot," he pointed out.

"Oh, well spotted." Arthur rolled his eyes. "And I'm in bed with a sorcerer. You know, I don't know if I'll ever get used to being called the king."

"You will," Merlin assured him. "You're destined to become the greatest king Camelot's ever had."

Arthur went silent.

"What is it?" Merlin pressed. He could tell that Arthur needed to tell him something.

"Not that it matters now, but I just wanted to let you know that I wouldn't have ordered you to save my father."

"Why?"

"Because if he lived and somehow found out about you…" Arthur shook his head. "If I had to choose between you and my father, there would be no contest. I'd choose you in a heartbeat."

"Really?"

"Yes, you idiot."

Merlin smiled at the insult. It was more like an endearment these days.

"Also, I realized that it would be better for my people if I assumed the throne. I couldn't personally kill my father, but since someone else set things in motion, who would I be to stop it?"

Merlin tightened his arms around Arthur. In no certain terms, Arthur had admitted that Merlin had been right about the whole Uther predicament. Merlin wondered if such an occurrence would ever happen again, and decided he didn't care if it did. He would just take care to savor this time.

"But you miss your father despite all that."

"Yes." Arthur sounded miserable. "I shouldn't, he's mostly been a terrible father to me. But he did the best he could without my mother to help him. He prepared me well for the kingship. I think I heard him hint his approval of something I did once, maybe twice. He did always like my swordsmanship. Although he forced me to train three hours a day so that I would be the best of the best."

"All that training has made you the best swordsman in all the land," Merlin reminded him.

"That's true," Arthur acknowledged, trying to sound smug and failing miserably.

"He was too hard on you," Merlin said. They both knew that was a gross understatement.

"You don't know the half of it," Arthur whispered.

"Then tell me." Merlin tried to coax him into it.

"I… I don't know if I can."

"I won't think less of you or anything if that's what you're worried about."

"I'm not worried about that," Arthur scoffed. "I'm not a_ girl_, Merlin."

But Merlin saw right through the act. "Arthur, you don't always have to be strong. Not with me."

"Yes I_ do_. I cannot afford to show weakness – it could lead to Camelot's downfall and..."

"That's your father talking," Merlin interrupted.

"He's in my head, all the time," Arthur confessed. "How am I supposed to rule to the best of my ability if I'm constantly questioning my own judgment, comparing it to what my father would do?"

"What did he do, Arthur? Tell me one thing he did to make you feel this way."

Arthur sighed. "I suppose telling you this won't lead to the fall of Camelot. I know I can trust you not to tell anyone, it's just…"

"Complicated?"

"Yes, and no."

"You don't have to say anything," Merlin assured him. Maybe he was pushing too hard. After all, Arthur had only just assumed the throne. Making him face his insecurities – especially those that had to do with his father – may not be the best thing for him right now. But Arthur surprised him as he began to speak.

"I was five years old when he made me watch a woman be burned at the stake." Arthur's shoulders shook as he remembered that terrible day. "I begged my father not to make me go, but he wouldn't listen. He told me that it builds character to watch a witch burn and that as the future king one day I would have to preside over executions so I might as well get used to it. Can you imagine? A little boy subjected to that. I learned to fear magic and my father's power all in one day."

Merlin shook his head. He figured something like that had happened to young Arthur. Uther's scare tactics were legendary – it made sense that he would use them on his son along with his subjects. "That was cruel of him. You were much too young."

"That morning – I can't get it out of my head!" Arthur winced as he recalled the memory that was seared into his brain. "As soon as the poor woman started shrieking in pain, I threw up my breakfast. My nurse hurried me away after that, but I'd seen my father's disappointed gaze directed at me. That look was worse than any physical punishment that he could have given me."

"I'm sorry," Merlin said quietly. His hand automatically found Arthur's, but Merlin dared not do more. He wanted Arthur to continue his story.

"That was the first time I thought to myself that I didn't want to be king, not if I'd have to carry out sentences like that. I asked him why we couldn't just banish the witch. He said that she would surely come back to Camelot for revenge with stronger powers than before. Then I asked him how he knew for sure that she was a witch, and he couldn't give me a straight answer. That was when he told me that magic had killed my mother."

"Do you think he was making it up? About your mum?" Merlin asked.

"No." Arthur sighed. "I think he was telling the truth. It would certainly explain why he hated those with magic enough to kill them."

"I'm sure if your mother was here she'd be very proud of you," said Merlin.

"I hope you're right."

He held Arthur, enjoying the closeness between them. Usually it was Arthur holding Merlin, not the other way around. But tonight was an exception. Merlin felt honored that Arthur was comfortable enough with him to show some vulnerability. He knew it wasn't easy for Arthur, as his father had drilled into him that confiding in someone was a weakness. Merlin was glad that Arthur trusted him with his insecurities. Arthur would have to show the face of a strong leader at all times, except when he retreated to his chambers. Merlin vowed he would be there for him when Arthur let his walls come down, however briefly.

"I should go." Merlin moved to get up.

"No. Stay with me," Arthur pleaded.

Merlin really didn't want to go back to his chambers. Ever since Gaius had died, he'd hated living there. There was too much to remind him of the years spent with his mentor. Gaius was the closest thing he'd ever had to a father. He had believed in Merlin, more than Merlin had believed in himself. The physician helped Merlin face the facts that magic would always be a part of him, that it was gift that could be used for good. He'd learned so much from the old man, both in terms of healing and magic. Also, he taught him when to interfere in a tricky situation, and when you should_ not _interfere. (Merlin was terrible at those – he always wanted to interfere and save people) He knew if Gaius was still alive today, he would approve of Merlin being with Arthur.

Yet, Merlin wasn't quite ready for everyone in the castle to know about him and Arthur.

"Arthur, I don't want people to think that we're…" He trailed off.

"Why not?" Arthur whined. "I thought we already decided this."

"I think it would be better for everyone if I didn't sleep here until you repeal the law about magic. I don't want anyone to think I used my magic to make you do it."

"Come on, Merlin," Arthur groaned. "One night spent here isn't enough to start a rumor."

"I don't know…" Merlin fretted. He'd spent the night in Arthur's chambers before, once when he was literally too tired to move. On one memorable occasion, he'd fallen asleep on the floor beside the bed. Arthur had nearly tripped on him when he woke the next morning. They'd been able to explain the situation to the servants easily enough.

"Please? It's my first night as king. I don't want to be alone."

How could Merlin refuse that?

"Alright," he relented. "But only for tonight."

"You'll be back tomorrow night," Arthur said confidently. "I'll convince you."

Merlin didn't feel like arguing with him. "Go to sleep, Arthur."

"Mmm. My Merlin," Arthur muttered before he fell asleep.

"Yours," Merlin whispered before he joined Arthur in slumber.

.~.

End Chapter 4

A/N: Hope you liked. Reviews are great!


	5. Arthur's First Step

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. I really hope I didn't make Arthur too out of character in this chapter. I think he'd be nicer to Merlin now that they are in a relationship, but only behind closed doors. I love their banter too much to completely do away with Arthur treating Merlin like a servant, and I don't want to completely change Arthur.

.~.

Chapter 5: Arthur's First Step

.~.

_The following morning_

King Arthur had been having a very good dream featuring him, Merlin, and a beach. Unfortunately, he was rudely interrupted by a loud banging and a familiar female voice.

"Arthur, are you still in there?" The voice asked, knocking at the door.

"Mmmph," Arthur intelligently replied. He was nestled within Merlin's arms and he didn't feel like leaving anytime soon. Merlin was lightly snoring beside him. Arthur turned over to face Merlin. He looked so angelic – Arthur didn't have the heart to wake him. Arthur would rather stay by his side and stare at his high cheek bones and alabaster skin. When asked as a young man if he'd ever be interested in someone so scrawny, so stupid, _so male_ Arthur never would've believed it. But yet here he was, in bed with Merlin. He didn't want to be anywhere else.

"Arthur? Hello?" The voice called out, sounding concerned this time.

"I'll be right out," Arthur called, feeling rather annoyed at the insistent voice. Then he whispered, "Sorry, Merlin." He gently shook him and said, "I need you to wake up now."

"Whatsgoinon?" Merlin slurred, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Then it hit him.

Arthur sat up and looked at Merlin. Merlin sat up and looked at Arthur. Their panicked expressions mirrored each other.

"Shit!" Arthur swore, flinging back the covers and trying to find his clothes that he'd shed the night before. "Morgana's outside." He managed to find his pants, and quickly slipped them on.

Merlin wasn't so lucky. In his haste to get up, the young warlock tumbled out of the bed and onto the ground. "Ow," he hissed as he rubbed his bruised left foot.

"Are you alright?" Arthur asked, after tugging a shirt on.

Merlin was pleased by this response, thinking Arthur would comment instead on how clumsy he was. To hear Arthur express concern for him was an unexpected pleasure.

"Fine," Merlin muttered, embarrassed. He managed to pull on a pair of pants, and then a shirt. Unfortunately, he still had bed head.

"That's it, I'm coming in." Morgana threw open the wooden doors. Apparently Merlin had forgotten to lock them the night before.

"Morgana, what are you _doing _here?" Arthur asked.

"They would've sent a servant, but I volunteered." Morgana noticed Merlin's hair, which was sticking up in all directions. She gave Arthur a knowing look. "The council meeting's supposed to start in fifteen minutes. I thought you might need a little reminder. It turns out I was right." She smiled prettily at them, showing off her pearly white teeth.

"Fifteen minutes until the meeting." Arthur yelled at Merlin, mostly to keep up appearances. "I can't be late on my first day as king! _You_ were supposed to wake me up."

Merlin didn't sound overly concerned. "I overslept."

"That's unacceptable." Arthur glared his servant. "I should put you in the stocks for this."

"Oh, no… not the _stocks_," Merlin openly mocked his king.

"Arthur?" Morgana smiled sweetly at them, bringing the attention back to her. It seemed as if Merlin and Arthur were in their own little world and they had forgotten that she was even in the room.

"Yes, Morgana?" Arthur said, still glaring at Merlin.

"Why are you wearing Merlin's shirt?"

"Uh…" Arthur trailed off. He'd been so wrapped up in arguing with Merlin, he hadn't even realized that the shirt he was wearing was much too small. Arthur wasn't sure if Merlin wanted to tell Morgana yet about them or not, so he said nothing.

"Well, you see, there is a very good explanation for that," said Merlin. "I'm really behind on the laundry, so I let Arthur wear-"

Morgana stifled a laugh. It really was amusing listening to Merlin's excuses when she clearly had figured out what was really going on between them.

"Merlin, don't bother," Arthur sighed. "I think she already knows. We can trust her."

"Trust me with what?" Morgana smirked, knowing very well what.

"Oh, go on then." Merlin gave his permission, his cheeks flaming.

"We were going to wait to announce it until the law against magic has been overturned, but you might as well know now." Arthur grinned at Merlin, then turned to Morgana. "Merlin and I are together."

"**Finally**!" Morgana squealed, jumping up and down with girlish glee. "This is wonderful! I'm so happy for you both."

"Why does everyone_ say_ that?" Arthur sounded dismayed. "Was it really that obvious to everyone but me?"

"Yes," Merlin and Morgana said simultaneously.

"How long did you hide this from me?" Arthur pushed.

"Long enough," said Merlin, considering the matter to be closed. He'd never admit it to Arthur, but he'd been attracted to the young prince probably from the first moment he'd seen him. At that time, Arthur had considered him to be an enemy of the crown because he dare insult the king's son. They had really gotten off on the wrong foot.

Merlin had instantly loathed Arthur as he watched him bully one of his servants. He'd challenged Arthur to a fight right then and there. He would've won if he'd been able to use his full range of magic. But since he couldn't, Arthur had beaten him rather spectacularly. It had only been once Merlin had saved Arthur's life and had been assigned as his servant that a truce stood between them. Then they built a slow, careful friendship which had eventually blossomed into something much stronger.

Arthur didn't want to think about a sad Merlin who was too afraid to trust him with his secrets, about magic and about his amorous feelings.

Unknowingly, Morgana rescued him. "So when did all of _this_ happen?" She gestured to Arthur and Merlin.

"While we were away, after Arthur rescued me from the executioner's block," said Merlin, reaching for Arthur's hand. "But if you could keep this to yourself for the time being, I'd appreciate it."

"Can I tell Gwen?" Morgana pouted. "I tell Gwen everything."

"You can tell Gwen," Merlin relented, after Arthur nodded at him. "But just her."

"Thanks. She'll be thrilled. Hang on." Morgana looked like something had just hit her. "You're really changing the law on the use of magic?"

"Yes," Arthur said proudly, squeezing Merlin's hand. "You see, Merlin is a sorcerer."

"And?" Morgana knew this already.

"I don't want Merlin to have to hide who he is any longer," Arthur proclaimed. "He's going to be appointed as the first court sorcerer that Camelot has had in a long time."

"I can't believe it," Morgana whispered. "To not to have to hide – it sounds too good to be true."

Merlin crossed the room to give Morgana a quick hug. "I told you it would happen eventually. Things are going to be better now for people like us," Merlin promised. "You won't have to live in fear any longer."

Morgana gave a small sob. "I had wished that the ban on magic would be changed, every clear night when I'd see the stars from my window. It didn't make any difference. But now…"

"_Don't_ tell me." Arthur groaned as he watched this exchange. "First Merlin, and now you? Morgana, do you really have magical abilities?"

She nodded. "I do. But I have no idea how to control them. It's rather terrifying. Remember that night where a fire burned down the canopy to my bed? That was caused by my magic."

"Why didn't you _say_ something to me?" Arthur complained. "I would've kept your secret."

Morgana shrugged. "I wanted to tell you. I almost did, but it never seemed like the right time. Besides, Uther would have killed me if he found out."

"No. Uther would have made an exception for you," Arthur argued.

Morgana gave him a dark look. "Don't be so sure."

"He never would have killed his beloved ward," Arthur said, but he sounded a tad uncertain.

Morgana shrugged. "I didn't want to risk it."

"The meeting," Merlin reminded them, tabling the discussion for now. "Arthur, you need to go - now."

"Morgana, you didn't by any chance bring us breakfast, did you?" Arthur asked.

She shook her head. "I'm not your servant. Guess you'll have to skip it."

"Arthur's the king. If he wants to take his breakfast during the council meeting, he can." Merlin pointed out.

"This is why I keep you around," Arthur said to Merlin, patting him on the shoulder. "You always think of everything."

"Your father never ate during council meetings. I'm not sure that's a great precedent to set," Morgana cautioned.

"Who cares?" Arthur said flippantly. "Camelot's not going to fall because the king has changed his eating habits."

"You should have more faith in him, Morgana. If he's going to change the law against magic, he's going to need his strength," said Merlin.

"_Thank_ you." Arthur grinned smugly at Morgana. Then he turned back to Merlin. "Will you fetch us breakfast?" He almost sounded apologetic. Merlin wondered what had gotten into Arthur. Was it because of their recent change in relationship that he was being so thoughtful?

"Of course." Merlin frowned, realizing what Arthur had said. "Wait. _Us_?"

"Yes, you idiot. Do try to keep up, _Mer_lin."

"But I can't eat in front of the noblemen," Merlin protested. "It would be disrespectful."

Arthur waved him off. "I won't have you fainting away during the meeting due to skipping a meal."

Merlin's jaw dropped. "You want me there for the _entire meeting_?"

"Yes," said Arthur, staring down a wide-eyed Merlin. "I thought that was rather obvious. What?"

"Uther never let servants-"

Arthur cut him off. "I'm _not _my father. I suppose I'll have to prove that to everyone."

"I suppose you will," said Merlin.

Arthur gave Merlin a pointed look. "Merlin, what are you still doing here? Breakfast isn't going to fetch itself. Oh, and fix your hair. You look like you spent the night in the stables."

Merlin rolled his eyes. It seemed like Arthur-the-prat was back. He was somewhat glad – he didn't want Arthur to change completely just because they were together. The young warlock flattened his hair and took off to grab their breakfast. Arthur got up to leave as well, but was halted in his tracks.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Morgana asked.

"I don't think so," said Arthur. His hands automatically went to his legs to make sure he indeed had pants on. There had been one memorable occasion when he'd been about to leave his room and he'd forgotten his trousers. If Merlin hadn't noticed that he wasn't wearing pants… Arthur shuddered to think of the humiliation that would've come with that.

"How about your crown?"

Arthur frowned. "You mean my father's crown? I'm not even sure where it is. I haven't officially been crowned king yet. The staff needs at least two days to prepare for my coronation."

Morgana shook her head. Was Arthur really this dim? "You need to wear your symbol of authority. Where's your old crown?"

Arthur's forehead wrinkled. "I don't remember."

Morgana shook her head, then produced his crown. Arthur quickly put it on. The band of gold sprinkled with tiny rubies encircled his head. Thankfully, it was nowhere as heavy as the crown he'd have to wear for his coronation.

"Morgana, you're a lifesaver," Arthur said gratefully.

"So I can come with you to the meeting?" She pressed.

"Why not?" Arthur was certain this had been Morgana's plan all along, but he didn't mind. During the meeting, he needed all the allies he could get. He would be bending the rules to let a woman sit in, but Arthur was planning on doing a lot of that anyway. What was one more change?

Arthur made his way to the throne room where the meeting was being held. A smug-looking Morgana walked right behind him.

The new king strode into the throne room like he owned the place, which of course he did. "Good morning," Arthur said pleasantly, nodding at all of the noblemen who were seated at the tables near the throne. He then went over to each man and shook their hand, much to their astonishment.

"Thank you for coming," Arthur said after settling down on his throne. "I will need all of your support in the years to come."

The men stared at each other, dumbfounded. Uther had never bothered to greet them individually before. He'd always just gotten down to business, not bothering with any of the pleasantries.

"Do I have something on my face?" Arthur said wryly as he glanced around the room and was met with wide-eyed stares. "Come on, speak up."

"It's just that we've never heard the king say 'thank you' to us before," Geoffrey of Monmouth finally answered him.

"Yes, well, I'm not my father, and I plan on doing things a little differently," Arthur said lightly. He felt the weight of every eye in the room on him, but he stood his ground.

"Why is _she_ here?" The oldest, most wrinkled man asked, pointing at Morgana. "Women are not permitted at council meetings."

"Morgana is here as my guest." Arthur glared at the elderly fool. "You _will _treat her with the respect she deserves."

"Yes, my lord." Properly chastised, the man grew silent.

Morgana took the empty seat on Arthur's left. She grinned at Arthur, thrilled to have been included in the proceedings.

"So, first on today's agenda we have…" Arthur was cut off as the doors burst open to reveal Merlin carrying a silver breakfast tray.

"Sorry, sire," Merlin winced, hoping he hadn't interrupted anything important.

"Ah, Merlin." Arthur smiled at his servant, hoping he didn't look too besotted. That would not do in front of the council.

Merlin approached the throne, placing the tray in front of Arthur. The king took one of the two plates and filled it with half the food on the tray for himself. He then distributed the rest of the food on to the other plate. Then Arthur gestured to the empty chair on his right, handing the extra plate to his servant. Merlin locked eyes with Arthur, still not sure this was such a good idea. A servant sitting at the king's table? Surely that would be against the unspoken rules that governed the nobility.

Arthur raised his eyebrows as if to say 'I dare you'.

Merlin sat.

The noblemen whispered to each other as they watched Merlin and Arthur tuck in to their breakfast, but they were too frightened to say anything directly to the king's face. Arthur finished his second piece of bread before returning to the business at hand.

"As I was saying," he continued, "the first thing on our agenda is the motion to add more land to our kingdom. The land in question currently belongs to King Cenred. My father was a proponent for this addition of property, but he died before it was officially approved. Personally, I believe that our patrols are spread thin enough, that we already have more than enough land. I also do not wish to go to war with Cenred's kingdom. I promised the people peace, and that is what I wish to do. However, if anyone has other opinions on this matter, I will be glad to hear them."

The council debated this matter for about an hour, with Morgana staunchly backing Arthur's plan. Merlin didn't say a word - he was content to watch the proceedings as the noblemen argued their position. Eventually, most of them agreed with Arthur's opinion. Those not in agreement were quite reluctant to give up an opportunity to gain more land, but they were in the minority.

Arthur cleared his throat, glad that they'd moved past one of the things on his list. "The next item on our agenda is lowering the taxes for those in the lower town and outlying villages."

This idea was met with much outrage. Arthur could only get everyone to agree to a one percent tax reduction, which he supposed it was better than nothing. If he could lower the taxes a little at a time, perhaps he would one day reach his objective of making sure that all of his citizens had their basic needs met. He then called for a short recess and temporarily adjourned the meeting.

Arthur spoke in hushed tones with Merlin and Morgana about the law against magic as he waited for the men to return. He was pleased that no one had protested against their places at the king's right and left side. Arthur wanted them both as his trusted advisors - especially Merlin. He wanted to do as much as he could to raise Merlin's standing with the council. Morgana already had her position in the king's household, but Merlin would need more time before the council was ready to accept him as their equal. It was a lofty goal to be sure, but he was confident he could make it happen. He wanted to, for Merlin's sake. Arthur wanted his kingdom to know of Merlin's pure heart, of his will to only use magic for good. The young king knew when that happened, the people would love Merlin almost as much as he did.

The noblemen slowly filtered back into the room, one by one taking their seats. Arthur called the meeting back to order as soon as the last man sat down.

"Now we come to the third item on my agenda," Arthur smiled grimly at the council, catching both Morgana's and Merlin's eyes. He was doing this for them, and the other citizens under his protection that were born with magical abilities. It was time for change, and Arthur knew it would not be easy. His people had suffered much from Uther's reign of terror, and suddenly allowing magic would probably confuse and scare some of them. But Arthur knew that it was his destiny to change the law and hopefully people's opinion of magic users. He knew that this motion would be most likely met with anger and fear, but if he ever wanted to appoint Merlin as court sorcerer, he had to take this first step.

Arthur bravely stood up, gathering the attention of everyone in the room, and proclaimed, "I move that we overturn the law on the ban of magic in Camelot."

That was when all hell broke loose.

.~.

End Chapter 5


	6. Disagreements

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. Some Lancelot/Gwen in this chapter.

Chapter 6: Disagreements

.~.

"Well, that could have gone worse," Merlin commented as he and Arthur exited the throne room. Everyone else had left before them, even Morgana.

"_Worse_?" Arthur stared at him, incredulous. There were times where he appreciated Merlin's unwavering optimism. This was not one of those times. "How could that have gone _worse_? It was a complete disaster! They were so angry I thought that they might all draw their swords and run me through just for suggesting we repeal the law on magic."

"Look on the bright side. You got them to agree on the same thing," Merlin reminded him.

"Yes." Arthur's tone was dripping with sarcasm. "They all agreed that they don't want to overturn the law on magic. Not even Geoffrey did, who I thought might be on my side. How is _this_ a good thing?"

"Perhaps next time the council meets you could ease into the topic a bit more slowly," Merlin suggested, sidestepping the question. "You just blurted it out today. They had no idea you were going to bring up changing the law against magic. If you'd given them a bit of warning they might not have reacted so strongly."

"Are you saying that I did it wrong?" Arthur immediately went on the defensive.

"No! I mean, not exactly," Merlin hedged.

Arthur glared at him. "Not _exactly_."

Merlin threw up his hands. "Arthur, I have no idea if it would've made a difference if you'd introduced the idea a bit more delicately."

"But you think it might have."

"Maybe. I don't know." Merlin wished he hadn't given Arthur his opinion. It had only led to trouble between them. But if Merlin was to attend council meetings, wasn't it his job to advise Arthur? But how could he advise Arthur if he got offended every time Merlin had a difference of opinion? Was Arthur reneging on his promise to treat Merlin as an equal?

"Why are you acting like this?" Arthur asked, crossing his arms.

Merlin shrugged. "You _wanted_ me at the meeting. I'm just giving you some criticism. It's not _my _fault you can't handle it. Apparently you just want everyone to agree with you all the time, or to tell you what you want to hear."

"Look - I'm doing the absolute best that I can as the king, and it's _still not enough for you_," Arthur yelled that last part.

"Arthur, that's not what I meant!" Merlin insisted, reaching out to take his hand. "I was only trying to help you."

Arthur took a step back away from him. "Some help_ you_ are. I'm going to get some air. I need some time to think."

"Good idea! I'll come with you and we can- "

"_Alone_, Merlin."

"But-"

"I can't talk to you right now." A slow, simmering rage built up inside Arthur as he turned away. Everything he'd done during the meeting was mainly for Merlin. He'd made a fool out of himself for even suggesting that they repeal the ban on magic, but did Merlin appreciate that? No. He wondered why he'd even bothered to bring Merlin to the meeting in the first place.

"Arthur, I'm sorry," Merlin tried, but Arthur kept walking away from him, ignoring his pleas.

Merlin watched him go with a sinking feeling in his stomach as he settled down onto the hard, marble floor just outside of the throne room. Had he caused irreparable damage to their relationship? What if Arthur never forgave him? What if Arthur sent him away? Merlin didn't know if he could bear that – he loved Arthur too much. He didn't really think Arthur would send him away, but as king, if Arthur wanted to, he could have Merlin escorted from the castle and banished without so much as a by your leave. He was so consumed by these unhappy thoughts that he barely noticed when Lancelot approached him.

.~.

"Merlin!" Lancelot smiled at him. "I saw Arthur storming off and asked him where to find you. Did you two have a fight?"

Merlin was silent, which Lancelot took to mean 'yes'.

"I heard the council abruptly adjourned in the middle of a meeting, but that's all I know. I assume that was why Arthur looked so upset. Can you tell me what happened?" Lancelot asked.

Merlin explained about chaos during the meeting and how Arthur had failed to even _introduce_ changing the ban on magic in front of the council.

"That's unfortunate," said Lancelot. "I know how important it is to you that the law concerning magic is repealed."

Merlin sighed. Lancelot was one of the few that he trusted with his secret. He'd confided in him even before he'd told Arthur. "I should have talked to him about how to handle the magic issue before the meeting, but we were so tired last night, I forgot to help him prepare. To be honest, I'm not sure if that would've helped. Maybe the council would've reacted just as badly even if we introduced the topic differently. I shouldn't have reminded him of his failure. Arthur's got enough on his mind already – I shouldn't have added to his burden."

"You did nothing wrong," Lancelot reassured him. "Arthur's just… well. He doesn't take criticism well."

"I noticed," Merlin snorted.

"Where did Arthur get off to?"

"He's gone out to the forest to think about all this," said Merlin. "Should I go after him?"

"No. Don't worry, Merlin." Lancelot said bracingly. "Let Arthur stew about it for a while."

"I didn't mean to upset him," Merlin said. "I never should've told him what I really thought. I just said it without thinking. I don't know where we stand now that we've had this fight."

Lancelot shrugged. "His true feelings for you haven't changed, Merlin. Arthur just needs time to think. You'd best leave him alone. He'll come back when he's ready. He knows he can't stay out there forever, not when it's his first day as king."

Merlin thought to change the subject, as he didn't feel like discussing Arthur any longer. "So, how are you and Gwen doing these days?"

The knight's face lit up at the mention of his sweetheart. "We're great. Gwen is… I don't even know how to explain it with words, but I'll try. She's beautiful, kind, smart, funny… she cheers me up when I'm feeling down. She makes me want to be a better person. We just fit together, you know?

Merlin did know. It was exactly the way he felt about Arthur, when he wasn't being a prat. "You love her," Merlin said.

"Yes – very much. God knows why she loves me back, but she does."

"I knew you two were good for each other," Merlin grinned at the knight. "I still take credit for making this work between you two."

"Thank you for giving me a push in the right direction," Lancelot said seriously. "I don't know if I ever would've told Gwen otherwise about my feelings for her."

"It was nothing. Gwen's one of my best friends. I wanted her to be happy. I knew you would do anything for her, that you'd always be faithful."

"I'd rather die than cheat on her," Lancelot said.

"I know that, and so does she." Merlin smiled at the knight. "You both are very lucky to have found each other."

"That we are." They sat in companionable silence. Merlin noticed that Lancelot seemed to be distracted, like he wanted to say something but wasn't sure how to do it.

"Lancelot, what is it? I can tell there's something you want to tell me."

His dark eyes lit up. "It's about Gwen and me – I have some news. It happened while you and Arthur were gone."

"Yes?"

Lancelot looked around to make sure no one walking by was listening. "I asked Gwen to marry me and she said yes."

"Really? That's fantastic!" Merlin patted Lancelot on the back. "Congratulations, mate!"

"Thank you!" He and Merlin clasped hands.

"That is really good news," said Merlin, thrilled for his friends.

"Yes." Then Lancelot's expression grew serious. "But don't tell anyone – we're keeping it a secret for a while longer."

"I won't tell anyone," Merlin promised. He stared glumly at the floor, as if not really seeing it. He was still thinking about Arthur, and how wrong things were between them. They'd never had a fight like this before – Merlin didn't know how to handle it. Merlin didn't know if he could continue to be with Arthur if he shot down all of his advice. They couldn't just go back to being master and servant, not when Arthur had promised him so much more.

"I've got an idea!" Lancelot enthused. "Let's go see Gwen. I'll bet she'd love to talk with you."

"Alright." Merlin figured that would be a better alternative than sitting on the floor outside the throne room.

They checked Lady Morgana's chambers first and got lucky. Morgana wasn't there, but her servant was. Guinevere greeted them both with a sunny smile, finishing folding the blanket she was holding.

"Merlin!" She gave him a warm hug. Then she gave her fiancé a peck on the cheek. "Lance, what are you doing here? Don't you have training?"

"Merlin needs a friend right now, so I brought him to you. But yes, I really must be going. I need to keep the knights in shape and all that," said Lancelot. Before Merlin could protest, he was gone.

"So tell me. What's wrong, Merlin?" Gwen led him over to sit on Morgana's bed. She sat next to him, taking his hands in hers. Gwen really was a good friend and an even better listener. Merlin knew he could tell her anything without her passing judgment.

He told Gwen all about the disastrous council meeting, and his fight with Arthur.

"I thought that Arthur and I had worked everything out. That he wanted the people to view me as an equal, not just as a servant. He promised that he was going to make me Court Sor-" Merlin froze, mid word. Gwen didn't know about his magic. He really didn't think he could handle another rejection right now, but Gwen had the right to know.

"What did he promise you?" Gwen asked, looking concerned. "Merlin?"

Merlin hung his head. How was he supposed to explain all this? As if this day couldn't get any worse… "I'm sorry, Gwen. There's something I need to tell you. I've been keeping a secret from you. You see, I have-"

"You have magic," said Gwen. "I know." She smiled at Merlin, wanting him to know that she accepted him just as he was, magic and all. "Morgana told me ages ago."

"I told Morgana not to tell anyone!" Merlin protested. But inwardly he was relieved he didn't have to explain his magic to someone else. Telling Arthur had been nerve wracking enough.

"It's alright," Gwen soothed him. "I don't care that you have magic. From what I've been told, it's not something that you chose."

Merlin nodded. Magic had chosen him, not the other way around.

"Merlin, I'm one of your best friends." Gwen looked slightly disappointed. "You could have told me."

"I know." Merlin ran his fingers through his hair. "I trust you with my life, Gwen. I just- I couldn't saddle you with that burden. It took me long enough to tell Arthur and I…"

"You love him," Gwen finished.

"Yes," Merlin said miserably.

"I'm so glad the both of you came to your senses." Gwen giggled, thrilled that both she and Merlin had someone special in their lives.

"Yes, but he's still treating me like his servant when he promised I could be Court Sorcerer," Merlin moped. "God, he can be such a prat."

"I think Arthur's still adjusting to your new relationship. Besides, he's only been king for a day! I think you expect too much of him."

"You're probably right," Merlin admitted. "I haven't given him enough time to change."

"Speaking of change, did you two ever discuss whether you're to continue your servantly duties?"

Merlin gulped. "No. We didn't."

"Merlin," Gwen sighed. "Arthur's probably feeling just as hurt and confused as you are. You need to talk to him about all of this when he comes back."

"I know," Merlin said heavily. "I will."

"Do you want him to get a new servant?"

"No, that's my job!" Merlin answered automatically. "I don't want some other person to undress him and help him bathe and wake him up in the morning, especially now that we're together."

"There's your answer." Gwen looked at him pointedly.

Merlin groaned. "I guess that means I'm still responsible for polishing his armor and all that."

"Not necessarily. You could always suggest that he gets a new servant for the duties you don't want anymore."

"You're right - I could!" Merlin seemed cheered by that thought. "If Arthur would agree to that."

"I think he would. Maybe you don't see it, but I can tell he cares about you just as much as you care for him." Gwen patted his hand.

"Oh no," Merlin realized that he'd been neglecting his duties. "Arthur's room's a mess right now. I haven't straightened it up yet. Plus he's got to move into the king's chambers. I'll need to clear out Uther's things first and then transfer his things. Not to mention there's Arthur's coronation to prepare for…"

"Would you like me to help you for a bit? I'm sure Morgana wouldn't mind," Gwen said kindly.

"Would you? Thank you, Gwen," said Merlin, touched by her generous offer. "Perhaps we could start with cleaning Arthur's room. Hopefully that will put him a better mood if he comes back to a clean room."

"Sounds good to me." Gwen followed Merlin to Arthur's quarters and they started by stripping his bed of its sheets.

"Hang on," said Gwen, as she patted the two body-size indentations on the bed. "Did you sleep here last night?"

"Yes. It's much more comfortable than my other bed," Merlin said in his defense.

"So you were here for comfort." Gwen gave Merlin a knowing smirk.

"I was here for Arthur's comfort," Merlin admitted. "He asked me to stay the night since it was his first night as king. He sounded so pitiful – I couldn't refuse him. I held him until he fell asleep."

"That's so adorable," Gwen sighed.

"I probably shouldn't have mentioned that last part."

"What last part?" Gwen said innocently.

"So you and Lancelot," said Merlin, ready to talk about something else besides Arthur. "Anything special happen while I'm gone, hmm?"

Gwen blushed. "It's funny you should ask. Actually, we're engaged!"

"That's fantastic!" said Merlin, with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

Gwen's face fell. "You don't seem all that surprised."

Merlin shrugged. "I figured it was going to happen sooner or later. You have been courting for ages."

"Lance told you."

"Pretty much," said Merlin.

"We're keeping the engagement a secret right now."

"I won't tell. So do you have a ring?" There was none on her left hand.

"No, but I will soon. Lance is saving his money and should be able to afford one in a few months. Then we'll be married," Gwen said dreamily. "He wants to have it held outside but since the weather is so unpredictable, I'm not sure that I want to…"

They discussed Gwen's wedding plans until Arthur's room was clean. Then Gwen departed, promising to help Merlin tomorrow. As usual, Merlin felt cheered after spending time with Gwen. Her enthusiasm was contagious, especially now that she was engaged.

He was ready to face Arthur now, armed with the advice that Lancelot and Gwen had given him. He was ready to forgive Arthur for what he'd said. He only hoped that Arthur would forgive him and that they could move on.

.~.

Merlin had taken Arthur's boots with him and was polishing them on the front steps of the castle entrance. He wanted to be there the second Arthur returned. He was almost finished with both boots when Arthur rode in on horseback. Merlin was pleased to see that Arthur's red cape was nowhere in sight. Maybe he really had listened to Merlin when he'd suggested that wearing red in the forest was a bad idea.

Arthur dismounted and gave the reigns to one of the stable hands. That was when he noticed Merlin waiting for him. They locked eyes and Merlin's traitorous heart skipped a beat.

"Merlin!" Arthur strode towards him, a small smile on his lips. Merlin tried to remain even a little bit upset at his king for storming off without him, but he found it was difficult. He was just relieved that Arthur had returned and was no longer angry with him.

"You're back earlier than I thought you'd be," Merlin said diplomatically as they entered the castle.

"It's my first day as king – I didn't think I should be gone too long."

"That's very mature of you."

Arthur shook his head. "I'm not mature. If I were, I never would've picked a fight with you."

They were silent until they reached the privacy of Arthur's chambers. Once inside, Merlin locked the door to make sure that they weren't disturbed.

"Arthur, I shouldn't have said what I did," Merlin said, looking down at the floor. "I only said it because I thought you wanted me to give you my perspective. But it caused a rift between us. I won't do it again if you don't want me to."

"No, Merlin. Please don't talk like that," Arthur said quietly, gently cupping Merlin's face and bringing it back up to face him. "I _want_ your council, more than anything. There's no excuse for how I behaved. I guess I was disappointed in myself because I saw the meeting going differently, and I blamed you. That was completely unfair of me. I thought that because I was the king, that the council and I would have had a civilized discussion about allowing magic in Camelot. I wasn't expecting to change the law today, but I thought at least the men would be open to discussing the subject_. I was wrong."_

"Are you ill, Arthur?" Merlin worried as he felt Arthur's forehead. It felt normal. Merlin was certain that Arthur had never admitted that he was wrong in his life. What on earth had made him say it now?

"I'm fine," Arthur sighed. "I know, I've never admitted out loud I've been wrong before. But you're always telling me to practice my humility, so… I'll say it again – I was wrong. I should have introduced the topic a bit more carefully to the council."

"You didn't have to say that," said Merlin, still in shock over Arthur's admission.

"I know. But it needed to be said. Enjoy it now because I seriously doubt I'll be saying it again." Arthur grinned at him, causing Merlin to grin back. And just like that, things were back to normal between them.

"It doesn't matter what happened between us earlier today. Truly. It's in the past," said Merlin. "But I appreciate your apology. I'm sorry too for what I said."

Arthur pulled him in for a fierce hug. They stayed like that for a few minutes just basking in each other's warmth until they pulled away.

"When you left, I was afraid I'd done something to jeopardize our relationship," Merlin admitted.

"Like you said, we're going to have our fights just like every couple does. But Merlin, there's nothing you could do to make me stop loving you."

Merlin's eyes teared up at that.

"No need to act like a girl, Merlin," said Arthur but he was smiling.

Merlin raised his eyebrows. "May I remind you who was acting like a girl last night?"

"No, you may not," Arthur said haughtily.

Merlin let that one go. "Did you think of anything useful during your time in the forest?"

Arthur nodded. "I figured that I need to plan out my council meetings. The first one snuck up on me, I was almost late, and I certainly didn't take any time to prepare for it. I blame you for that."

"Hey!"

"I'm teasing."

"Oh."

Arthur chuckled. "It's too easy with you, Merlin."

Merlin scowled at the king.

"So, I wanted to have you and Morgana present to help me prepare for the next council meeting. Also, I was thinking of including Lancelot and Guinevere. I'd like a female servant's perspective, as well as one of a knight. I chose Lancelot because he's the most unbiased knight I have."

"That's a good idea," said Merlin, relieved that Arthur had come up with idea of preparing for the meetings on his own. Merlin hadn't been looking forward to suggesting that. "Just so you know, both Gwen and Lance know about my magic and accept it. They would be great at representing the viewpoint of people who don't have magic, but support it being legalized."

"I was also thinking about what we're to do with sorcerers who use their magic for evil," Arthur mused. "Do you think that declaring magic to be legal would make it open season for magical attacks on Camelot?"

Merlin shook his head. "If a sorcerer or sorceress wants to attack Camelot, they'll attack whether it's legal or not."

"Good point," Arthur conceded.

"However, if magic is legal, perhaps evil sorcerers won't have much quarrel with you," Merlin suggested. "If anything, I'd guess that legalizing magic would cause the number of magical attacks to go down."

"What sort of punishments do you think we should give if we catch a sorcerer using their magic to maim or kill? I'd rather not execute them, but-"

"Can we talk about the specifics another time?" Merlin interrupted. "I have something else I wanted to talk to you about."

"Yes, of course. What is it?"

"I was wondering, well…" Merlin swallowed hard. "If you wanted me to still be your servant."

"You don't want to?" Arthur went very still, trying not to panic. He didn't trust anyone else but Merlin to be that close to him.

"I'd like to keep dressing you and bathing you and waking you every morning." Merlin blushed, and Arthur relaxed. He really didn't want a stranger doing those things, not with the new intimacy level he had with Merlin.

"Then what's the problem?"

"If I'm to be Court Sorcerer, I'm probably going to be busy with other duties. I was hoping we could find someone else to clean your rooms, polish your armor, muck out the stables, but if you'd rather not…"

"Absolutely."

Merlin had been expecting more of an argument. "You sure?"

"Yes. I couldn't ask you to do menial tasks anymore," Arthur said, affronted. "Not when I know you are capable of so much more. I've only begun to think of uses for your magic. You're a wonder, Merlin. You have a gift and I want you to use it."

"First admitting you were wrong, now telling me I have a gift. Who are you, and what have you done with Arthur Pendragon?" Merlin locked eyes with his king, and they both grinned at each other.

Arthur chuckled. "You're looking at the new and improved Arthur. _King_ Arthur. An Arthur who knows about your magic and will do anything in his power to make it legal so you can stop hiding."

Merlin knew that Arthur loved him, and that he wanted to fix things so that Merlin could freely use his magic, but hearing him say it out loud made it all the more sweeter. Merlin moved in for the kiss and Arthur's lips met his. They kissed hungrily, with Arthur's hand curling around the back of Merlin's head. The young warlock easily lost himself in the kiss, happy to let Arthur lead.

A loud clanging noise outside their chambers barely registered in Merlin's brain, but something told him it might be important. Reluctantly, he pulled away.

"_Mer_lin," Arthur moaned. "Why'd you stop?"

"I heard a strange noise," Merlin whispered. He knew there were guards posted outside, that they would protect the king from any immediate threat. But what if someone neutralized the guards? They would be defenseless.

"Who cares?" Arthur protested, trying to continue their kiss.

"Shh!" Merlin covered Arthur's mouth with his hand. To his credit, Arthur allowed it. His hand automatically rested on the sword on his belt, eyes on the locked doors.

They heard another clang. _Possibly one of the guards being overpowered and falling to the floor,_ Merlin thought as his heart began thudding erratically in his chest.

Merlin suddenly sensed a magical presence outside the doors. He inwardly cursed. If he hadn't been so distracted by Arthur's lips, he most likely would have sensed it sooner. Someone with magical powers was trying to get to Arthur! _That will never happen, not while I'm around_, Merlin vowed.

Arthur tensed, finally sensing the danger that they were in. The young king brandished his sword in front of them, but Merlin knew it would be useless against a magical weapon. He pushed an unsuspecting Arthur behind him in hopes of protecting him from the threat.

Without warning, the wooden doors were thrown open and unhinged, leaving a hooded man in black staring at them with his left hand outstretched. The sorcerer threw a crackling blue bolt of lightning at them. Merlin barely had time to call up a magical shield to protect Arthur. Then he tried to shield himself, but it was too late. The lightening had hit him square in the chest.

"Nooooo! Merlin! MERLIN!" Arthur could only scream in fury from behind a magical white barrier as Merlin fell to the floor, convulsing and completely defenseless.

.~.

End Chapter 6

Reviews are great! My cat just died so I'm feeling kinda bummed. Reviews help.


	7. On The Road To Recovery

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. Sorry the chapter is so short, but I had to study for midterms, and school comes first. My sister suggested that she thought Merlin's life revolved on Arthur (which it kinda did on the show) and that it wasn't a sign of a healthy relationship. So that will be addressed in this chapter.

The next chapter will be about Arthur's coronation, so you have that to look forward to. Also, finding out more about the evil sorcerer will be coming up as well.

A/N2: Thanks to my awesome Mom for being my beta.

.~.

Chapter 7: On The Road to Recovery

.~.

_The next morning_

Merlin was certain he was dreaming. Arthur was there, trying to get to him, but something was blocking his way.

"Noooo! MERLIN!" Arthur screamed. The king struggled with all his might to come to Merlin's aid but he couldn't move.

Merlin knew he should get up from the cold floor and reassure Arthur that he was alright, but he was completely paralyzed. A cloaked figure in black that radiated with dark magic approached him. The man smirked as he shot a bolt of lightning at Merlin's head. As he absorbed the shock, Merlin wondered why he hadn't sensed this man's presence sooner. Was it because he'd been too caught up in his rather intense reunion with Arthur?

Merlin wondered if he was going to die at the hands of this powerful sorcerer. If he did, how would Arthur cope with his death? Would he react in the same way as Uther had when his beloved had died at the hands of magic? Merlin didn't think so - Arthur was better than that. But one never truly knew.

Just when Merlin thought it was all over, another strong magical force joined them, subduing the evil man in black. Merlin felt his surprise at being overpowered by someone else other than the famed Emrys. After that, things got a little fuzzy. Then someone new was calling his name.

"Merlin. Merlin, if you can hear me, open your eyes. Please!"

A familiar female voice was speaking to him, but it sounded distorted. Merlin tried to open his eyes and do what the calming voice said, but it was difficult. His muscles were just not cooperating. Everything hurt. He wasn't even sure if he knew how to open his eyes, but he would try.

"Come on, Merlin. You can do it," the girl encouraged, tightly clasping his hand.

Merlin blinked a few times and then finally managed to open his eyes. Gwen's worried face slowly came into view.

"Gwen? What happened?" Merlin groaned as he tried to sit up. "Ow, my head." He winced, his hands automatically coming up to massage his throbbing temples.

"Lay back," Gwen scolded. "You're not well."

Reluctantly, Merlin did. "What happened to me?"

"You were attacked by a sorcerer." Gwen's tone of voice was grim. "Don't you remember?"

"No, not really. The last thing I remember was…" Merlin had a sinking feeling as he realized who was missing from the room. Panic surfaced on his already pale face. "Oh no! Arthur! Is he alright?"

"He's fine," Gwen promised. "He wanted to be here with you, but he's in an emergency council meeting to discuss the sorcerer."

Merlin's eyes grew wide with fear. "Did the sorcerer escape? Arthur could be in danger right now! I have to-"

Gwen held him down. "Arthur is well protected. He's far away from the sorcerer, who is downstairs chained in the dungeons."

"But how?" Merlin was really confused. "If_ I_ didn't stop him, who did?"

"Morgana," said Gwen, saying it as if she didn't believe it herself.

"Morgana?" Merlin was completely floored. As far as he knew, Morgana was a novice who barely knew how to control her magic. "But her magic isn't as powerful as mine and I thought I was out cold."

"She thinks that the reason why she was able to subdue the sorcerer is due to the element of surprise. But, whatever the reason, he's in jail now."

"Where's Morgana?" Merlin asked.

"She's standing guard in the dungeons, just in case the sorcerer decides to use magic to escape."

Merlin struggled to sit up again. "Morgana's not that strong! I should get down there and-"

"Merlin, you can't!" Gwen looked pained. "You aren't strong enough to even get up, much less fight a sorcerer."

"But I can't just leave Morgana there, all alone and facing this threat!"

"She had help," said Gwen. "Practically everyone in the castle came running when they heard the noises of your battle. Two others with magical abilities rushed in to help her. The woman is a cook, and the man is a stable hand. The evil sorcerer was no match for them once they pooled their magic together."

"That's amazing," said Merlin, relieved that the other people with magical abilities felt like they could reveal themselves and help Morgana.

"It _was _amazing, Merlin," Gwen relieved. "When Arthur made the suggestion to discuss the ban on magic during the council meeting, word spread through the castle. If that hadn't happened, I doubt that anyone would've come to Morgana's aid. If that had happened, we could all be dead right now and the sorcerer might've seized control of the kingdom. Arthur never would've made that suggestion if it hadn't been for you being brave enough to tell him about your magic. It's really thanks to you that we are still alive."

"I wish I could've seen it," said Merlin, imagining the scene unfolding. Morgana with a wild look on her face as she let her magic course through her body, channeling all that power against her foe. Two brave souls that he never knew had magic, joining forces with Morgana to help protect the kingdom. The three of them working together to subdue their enemy and eventually lock him in the dungeons.

"Morgana was scary after she saw what had happened to you, Merlin." Gwen shook her head at the memory. "I'd never seen her look like that. I think she wanted to kill the sorcerer, but she realized he'd be worth more alive. Several guards have tried questioning him, but he's not talking."

Then Merlin realized something. "What about Morgana and the other two? By the laws of Camelot, they should be in jail too."

"Arthur's working on that right now," Gwen informed him. "He's trying to find a loophole to keep them safe before he can change the law against magic permanently. Don't worry, technically his word is law. You know Arthur. He won't let anything bad happen to them."

"That's good," said Merlin, relieved that Morgana and the others wouldn't be punished for using magic, certainly not after they'd saved countless lives. "When he's done with the meeting, will Arthur come and see me?" Merlin tried to keep the longing out of his voice, but he didn't quite succeed.

Gwen smiled at him in sympathy. "You know how Arthur feels about you. You know he'll be here as soon as humanly possible."

"I hope so." Merlin gave her a weak smile. "I'm really tired, Gwen. I think I'll just…" Merlin's head flopped to the side of his pillow as he fell back asleep, exhausted.

Gwen stayed by his side a few minutes longer until she was certain that he was asleep for the night.

.~.

The following morning, Merlin's wish came true. Arthur came bursting into the room, causing Merlin to awaken with a start. He was so happy to see Arthur, he didn't even care about being startled awake. The king had dark circles under his eyes, but he still looked beautiful to Merlin.

"Merlin!" Arthur cried. "You're awake!"

Merlin grinned at the sight of his king. Arthur was looking rather fetching in his red tunic and brown trousers, wearing the most casual outfit that he owned. "Did you miss me?" Merlin asked.

"Of course I did, you idiot!" In his haste to see Merlin, Arthur ran towards the bed, skidded forward and accidentally fell on Merlin and the bed.

"Oww!" Merlin shook his head at Arthur as he quickly extricated himself from the bed. "I thought_ I _was supposed to be the clumsy one."

"I'm sorry - I slipped!" Arthur apologized. "I just wanted to see you so badly. Did I hurt you?"

"No, I'm fine," Merlin said truthfully. He'd cried out mostly in surprise rather than in pain. "I'm just glad you're here."

Arthur leaned down towards Merlin, and their lips gently met. Arthur settled down in a chair next to the bed. Then he took Merlin's hand in his, reveling in the skin to skin contact. Their palms kissed as they laced their fingers together. He_ needed _this physical contact to remind himself that Merlin was still alive and recovering. He hadn't lost Merlin. He was right in front of him, looking rather adorable with his tousled dark brown hair and toothy smile. To Arthur, he looked perfect.

"I'm glad you're here," Merlin admitted, wincing at the dull ache in his temples. "Everything seems easier with you at my side."

"How are you feeling?" Arthur asked, gently rubbing Merlin's palm with his fingers.

"Eh," said Merlin, shrugging his shoulders. "I've been better, I've been worse. Recovering from a magical attack is never fun. I ache all over. Mainly it's my head and chest. Gwen's been great, though. She gave me an update on what's been going on."

"It's been a very strange night," said Arthur, stifling a yawn.

"Morgana, huh?" Merlin was still surprised by what had happened. "Who would've thought she was this powerful."

Arthur nodded, but he didn't quite meet Merlin's eyes.

Immediately, Merlin knew something was off. "Arthur, what is it?" He pressed.

"It's nothing," Arthur demurred.

"Out with it," said Merlin. He didn't want to deal with Arthur's theatrics right now.

"Earlier, after you'd been attacked, I didn't want to leave your side," Arthur said quietly. "It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, to leave this room to attend to my duties. I still feel guilty about that. You should always come first, but-"

"It's alright, Arthur," Merlin insisted. "Truly, it is. Your responsibilities to Camelot come first. You've been busy with the council. If I'd been able to talk, I would've wanted you there, not sitting with me. You have a sorcerer in your custody that isn't afraid to attack people with intension to kill. Did you decide on his punishment?"

"We're going to execute him because he made an attempt on my life. We decided that any attack against the king, magical or otherwise, is treason and it is punishable by death." Arthur held up his hands. "Now, I know what you're going to say. I know you think this sentence is harsh, Merlin, but-"

"He deserves what he gets," Merlin said in a low voice.

"I don't understand." Arthur really didn't. Merlin was always for giving people a second chance, especially if they had magical abilities. It was just the kind of person that he was. Merlin's pure heart was one of the many things that Arthur loved about him. What could have changed his mind?

"He tried to kill you. That offense is unforgivable." Merlin reached up to cup Arthur's cheek with his hand. "Because of him, I almost lost you."

"But you didn't lose me. You shielded me," Arthur reminded him, his gaze turning stony. "_Just_ me. And let me add, that you didn't shield yourself, leaving yourself completely vulnerable to a magical attack."

"I know. I wasn't fast enough to shield myself," Merlin said sheepishly. "That sorcerer caught me off guard. That's pretty rare, but it does happen. But my first instinct is always to protect you. Then I worry about myself afterwards."

"_Mer_lin!" Arthur threw up his hands. "You can't keep _doing_ that. It's not healthy."

"But my destiny is to protect you…"

"Screw destiny!" Arthur yelled, startling Merlin. The king realized he was raising his voice, and took care to bring it down to a regular volume. He knew Merlin didn't respond well to yelling. "You're free to make your own choices, Merlin."

"I choose you, Arthur. I always have," Merlin said quietly. "I always will."

"I cannot let this behavior of yours continue, Merlin," Arthur said sternly. "Your life is just as important as mine, if not more. Promise me that next time a life and death situation occurs, you will think of yourself first."

"Arthur, I can't promise that," Merlin said gravely.

"Very well. You leave me no choice, then." Arthur looked deep into Merlin's eyes and said,"you and I are done."

Merlin's blood ran cold. "No! You can't mean that."

"I'll do whatever I have to do to keep you alive and safe. If I have to end this between us, so be it." Arthur glared coldly at him, as if this was all Merlin's fault.

Merlin crossed his arms. "You wouldn't last a day without me." The warlock was trying to call his bluff, but Arthur didn't budge.

"Do you know how many men and women would give their right arm if they thought they had a chance to sleep with me? I could have you replaced at the snap of my fingers." Merlin knew that Arthur had the power to do just that. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, as if all he was good for was warming Arthur's bed when they had shared so much more. What about their plans to make Merlin the Court Sorcerer? What about Arthur recognizing Merlin in public as an equal? Would all that go down the drain thanks to this one fight?

"You wouldn't." Merlin's stomach churned at the thought of Arthur in another person's arms. "You love me."

Arthur said nothing.

"You promised you loved me!" Merlin cried, his body shaking as he assimilated all that Arthur had said. "Was what we shared a lie?"

"How does it feel, huh, Merlin?" Arthur's stormy blue eyes blazed with anger as he held the warlock's gaze. "You're probably feeling terrified at the idea of losing the only other person in the world who truly understands you. That's what I feel _every single time_ you protect me at great risk to your own life. It doesn't feel very good, _does _it?"

Merlin shook his head no, his eyes tearing up as he realized just what his destiny-centric attitude was doing to Arthur. "Arthur, I-I'm sorry. I didn't realize how it was making you feel." Then he had an insight that had been a long time in the making. "You're right, it's not healthy."

"As much as it would feed my ego, I don't want your life to revolve around me, Merlin," Arthur said in all seriousness. "You have so much more to give, so much more to be. You're always asking me to treat you as an equal, but now I'm asking you to do the same with me. I know I'm the king, but neither of our lives are to be more important than the other. Agreed?"

"Agreed," Merlin whispered and he actually meant it.

"I'll never pretend to want to end things with us again," Arthur promised. "I just had to get through to you somehow, and that was the only way I could think of how to do it."

"You better not." Merlin scowled at him. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry." Arthur climbed into bed with him. Merlin turned over toward him, expecting Arthur to want to kiss and make up.

"Not tonight, you idiot." Of course Arthur very much wanted to participate in 'pleasurable activities' with Merlin, but he put his warlock's health first. "You must be exhausted."

"I am," Merlin admitted.

Arthur pulled Merlin into his arms.

"Arthur, you're probably needed somewhere," Merlin reminded him.

"Don't worry, I can spare a few moments to be with you," said Arthur. "I'm right where I need to be."

Merlin had never felt more safe and loved as he did in that moment.

.~.

End Chapter 7

A/N: No cliffie this time. Reviews are great! Thanks to everyone who sent me a kind message about me losing my cat. That means more to me than you know.


	8. Stipulations

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. I'm stretching Merlin's powers a bit, just so you know. If you need to think of it as an AU, you can. There will be more Merthur goodness in the next chapter. This one really advances the plot.

Chapter 8: Stipulations

.~.

Merlin awoke the next morning feeling extremely refreshed. He was resting comfortably in Arthur's large canopy bed, as he had been for the past day, getting up only to eat and relieve himself. His eyes slowly blinked open, focusing on the dark eyes that gazed down at him. Gwen, bless her heart, was still sitting with him.

"Good morning, Merlin!" Gwen said brightly. "It's good to see the color returned to your face."

Merlin sat up in bed and gave Gwen a hug, much to her delight. "Thanks for taking care of me," he said.

"What are friends for?" Gwen smiled at him. "Besides, Arthur was busy. Someone had to fill in for him. He did sleep here last night, so I slept in my own bed."

"I wish I could repay you for your kindness," said Merlin.

"I wasn't doing it for a reward, silly."

"I know, but still – you went above and beyond the call of duty."

"Did you sleep well?" Gwen asked, glossing over the compliment.

"Uh huh," said Merlin. "I slept a lot longer than the night before. In fact, I'm feeling much better. My head barely hurts anymore."

"That's good," said Gwen, looking relieved. "Arthur will be glad to hear that. He's been walking around looking like he wants to punch something. Obviously, he's worried sick about you."

Merlin chuckled at that. How typically _Arthur_. Being too afraid to show his true feelings, so they would surface as something else.

"How about your chest?" Gwen asked. "Your chest was still bothering you yesterday."

"It feels alright." Merlin's stomach growled. "Sorry," he said.

"No, this is a good sign you're recovering normally!" Gwen smiled at him. "I brought you some food from the kitchens and water in case you wanted some."

Merlin accepted the plate of bread and fruit with thanks. He ate his breakfast slowly, sipping the water and pondering what he needed to do next. What he_ really _wanted to do is talk with Arthur, but he knew the king was busy at the moment. He decided to start with Morgana, who would be able to tell him more about the imprisoned sorcerer.

"Gwen, I need to speak with Morgana," Merlin said firmly. "Where is she?"

"She's down in the dungeons, still keeping watch over the sorcerer."

"Then I need to get down there." Merlin moved to stand up but Gwen stopped him.

"You're not going anywhere until you finish your breakfast. And take a bath." She wrinkled her nose. "You really need to bathe."

"Yes, Mum," said a cross Merlin. He really wanted to find out from Morgana about the kind of sorcerer that they were dealing with so that he could know how to better protect Arthur. But he would do as Gwen asked. He did want to be presentable if he was to be walking around the castle.

.~.

Once Merlin had bathed, dressed, and finished his breakfast, he was free to go. After saying a quick goodbye and thank you to Gwen, Merlin hurried as fast as he could to the dungeons. His curiosity was running rampant. Just how powerful was this man? Were their more like him who were planning to attack Camelot? Was his quarrel with Arthur, Merlin, or both?

As he descended the stairs that led to the bowels of the castle, Merlin hoped that he would find a way to make the prisoner talk. He nodded at a pair of guards, who recognized him and let him pass. It wasn't long before he spotted a familiar female figure sitting at a wooden table close to the cells.

"Morgana!" Merlin pulled the surprised girl into a bone crushing hug.

"Merlin!" Morgana gave him a small smile. Merlin noticed her eyes were a little red, indicating that she'd had little if any sleep. "I'm so glad you're feeling better."

"I have you to thank for that," said Merlin. "But more importantly, I wanted to thank you for protecting Arthur when I could not."

"Well, _someone_ had to." Morgana smiled prettily at her friend. "Arthur must be furious that he was saved by a girl."

"Actually, he's very grateful," Merlin admitted. "We all are."

"I was happy to help," Morgana said, as if it were no big deal. Both of them knew that it was.

"I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but I need to know." Merlin locked eyes with her, hoping she would tell him all she knew. "How did you do it?"

Morgana sighed. "Everyone keeps asking me that. The truth is, I don't know how I did it. I saw the sorcerer attacking you and something in me just snapped. I summoned some power I didn't even know I had and aimed it towards him. Whatever I did stopped him in his tracks. He then turned his power on me, but I somehow shielded myself. That was when help arrived. The three of us were able to subdue him enough to get him to a cell."

"I'm glad that others came to your aid. Where are they?" Merlin asked. "I'd like to meet them."

"Their names are Cealia and Rowan. I couldn't have defeated the sorcerer without their help. Right now they're taking a much needed rest. I'm sure you'll meet them later."

"Speaking of rest, when was the last time you got some?" Merlin asked knowingly.

Morgana stifled a yawn. "I don't remember. I needed to be here to make sure he doesn't escape by magical means."

Merlin shook his head. "I'll watch him."

"Are you sure if you're up for it?" Morgana regarded him with a dubious expression.

"I'm sure," Merlin said confidently. His magic had recovered – he was no longer drained by the attack. Thankfully he'd been able to bounce back quickly.

"Well I _do_ need to catch up on sleep," said Morgana. "But don't hesitate to wake me or one of the others if you need help – send word with one of the guards."

"I'll be fine," Merlin promised. "Really."

"Be careful, Merlin." Morgana's expression was fraught with worry.

"I will," said Merlin.

Morgana left, albeit reluctantly.

Merlin found himself alone in the cold, dank dungeons with only two guards for company. How was he going to get the assassin to talk? Merlin didn't know where to begin. He supposed he could inflict pain on the man, but he doubted it would work on such a hardened warrior. There was also the fact that he couldn't stomach torturing anyone, even to get vital information.

Perhaps his magic could help him. Sometimes Merlin could get an impression of what someone was thinking just by touching their skin. It came in handy with Arthur more times than he could count. But what if it only worked with Arthur or people that he knew? The assassin was a stranger, and a powerful sorcerer. There was a good chance that it wouldn't work on him. Still, Merlin knew that he had to try.

"I need to enter the prisoner's cell," he informed the guards.

"Sorry, sir. No one goes in or out of the sorcerer's cell, by order of the king."

Merlin sighed, wondering why he'd even bothered asking. He performed an easy spell which made the guards much more agreeable when it came to giving him the keys. He unlocked the door and stepped into the tiny cell, closing the door behind him. The prisoner was sitting on the straw floor, his eyes full of fury and hate.

"Have you come to torture me?" The man asked. "It would be a futile exercise. No matter what you do, I won't tell you anything."

"I'm not here to torture you," said Merlin. That was when he noticed a sizable wound on the man's left forearm. This gave him an idea. "I'm here to heal your wound."

"How considerate of you," the man spat. "Don't think that I don't know who you are, Emrys. I beat you once – I could do it again."

"I really wouldn't try that if I were you," Merlin said lightly but both knew it was a threat. "You caught me by surprise before. That won't happen again."

The sorcerer glared at him, knowing Merlin was right. "You were more concerned about the life of your pathetic king than you were about keeping yourself alive. Tell me, does he mean something to you?"

Merlin wisely didn't take the bait. If he said something, then his foe would know that his feelings for Arthur were a weakness to be exploited. He couldn't let that happen. "I need to know if you're acting alone or if you're working for someone."

The man crossed his arms over his chest. "Like I said before, I'm not telling you anything."

"Very well," said Merlin. "Let me work on that arm."

The prisoner reluctantly held out his injured arm. Merlin knew that it must really hurt for the sorcerer to trust Merlin. The assassin watched as Merlin placed his hand over the wound. He started to heal it, which took very little concentration. Merlin reached out with his mind, trying to connect with the man. Even the faintest glimpse into his mind could help give Merlin access to his memories.

/Who are you working for?/ Merlin thought, trying to soothe the man into a false sense of security. /I need to know./

/I do not know the identity of my employer./ The memory surfaced now. Merlin's magic had worked!

But by now, the sorcerer had figured out what Merlin was doing. Just before he blocked his mind, Merlin saw a picture of the sorcerer talking with another man, exchanging money and shaking hands.

"How dare you try to read my mind!" The sorcerer roared, his arms outstretched towards the young warlock.

But Merlin had anticipated this. He called up his shield just in time to block an attack. With the sorcerer distracted, he quickly slipped out of the cell and locked the door behind him. Then he placed an impenetrable spell on the door so it would be impossible for the sorcerer to break out.

"Thank you for the information." Merlin grinned as he made a mocking bow towards the prisoner. "You've been very helpful."

As he ascended the stone stairs, Merlin could hear the sorcerer cursing him to the depths of hell.

.~.

_Later_

Arthur took his late lunch with Merlin alone in their chambers. Merlin recounted the story of what had happened between him and the sorcerer. When he spoke of his ability to read the sorcerer's mind, Arthur was absolutely astonished. As he heard more about Merlin's magical powers, they impressed him more and more each day. For the millionth time, Arthur was grateful that Merlin was on his side.

"So I found out that someone hired him to kill you," Merlin finished. "Unfortunately, he doesn't know who it was."

"Why would someone with magic abilities want me dead?" Arthur frowned. "I don't understand it. The whole town knows by now that I want to repeal the law on magic."

Merlin had an insight. "Perhaps whoever's behind this wanted to make sure that you_ didn't _change the law."

"Yes, but who? It could be anyone."

"You forget what drives people in this world. Almost everything revolves around money," Merlin reminded his king. "You, having never wanted for anything in your life, may not be aware of such a phenomenon."

"I am _aware_, _Mer_lin." Arthur punched him in the arm, which Merlin tolerated. "I'm also quite aware that people have a lust for power. What we need to find out is who would lose money and power if the ban on magic is repealed. Unfortunately, I think many people would fit that description."

"I'm sure we can narrow it down. _Think_, Arthur."

"Hmm. Perhaps someone who profits from burning magical people at the stake?"

"That's a good start!" Merlin encouraged. He already had a prime suspect in mind, but he wanted Arthur to come to the same conclusion on his own.

"They must have worked for my father. He would've been happy to pay them handsomely for their services." Arthur snorted. "I wanted no part of it. I couldn't understand how anyone would take pleasure in turning over people to be killed and being well paid for it. It made me sick."

"Did you meet this person?" Merlin pressed.

"I don't know, it's hard to remember…wait!" Arthur's blue eyes sparkled with determination. I know who it is! It's the witchfinder! It's got to be."

"If you declare magic to be legal, he'll be out of a job," Merlin added.

"Merlin, you're a genius!" Arthur laughed, picked up Merlin and swung him around in a circle.

"Me? You were the one who thought of it." Merlin said after Arthur put him down.

Arthur shook his head. "Don't think for a second I didn't realize what you were doing – I'm not _that_ dim. You were giving me hints. You deserve the credit."

"Thanks." Merlin smiled happily at Arthur, who very much wanted to be the cause of this smile again and again.

"Will you come with me to the council meeting tonight?"

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Merlin cautioned. "Everyone knows by now that I have magic."

"I want you there by my side," said Arthur. "There's no need to hide you away, not when everyone already knows about your magic. And Morgana's, and the two others that helped her. I want you to tell the council how you saved my life countless times at great risk to yourself when someone could have seen. I need them to know that without you, they would have no king."

"Alright," Merlin relented. "But what if they don't want to hear me? The last meeting you had was to decide the fate of the assassin. The one before that, the council wouldn't consider even _discussing_ changing the law on magic."

"Leave that to me," Arthur said mysteriously.

"Very well, keep your secrets," teased Merlin.

They sat in a comfortable silence. Arthur reached for Merlin's hand, and Merlin grasped it. "We're going to get through this, Merlin," Arthur vowed. "We _will _get the law changed."

"I know," Merlin said quietly.

They went their separate ways, Merlin to check on Morgana and Arthur to run his mysterious errand, promising to attend the meeting together.

.~.

Geoffrey of Monmouth sat at his desk, tucked away in the dusty library in the basement of the castle. He'd asked for this job, to direct his few visitors to the books that they seek. Merlin was probably his most frequent visitor, usually on an assignment from Gaius. It was a lonely position, but Geoffrey was no stranger to loneliness. It had been his constant companion for the past twenty years. When Gaius had finally died, Geoffrey had lost his last true friend. It had been difficult but he had endured. He wanted to live to see Uther's son restore Camelot to its former glory before the purge.

Geoffrey heard footsteps approaching. He was expecting Merlin, or another servant sent on an errand to find a certain book. To his surprise, it was the king of Camelot himself.

"Your majesty!" Geoffrey was warmed by the sight of the young king. "How may I help you?"

"I wanted to talk to you about the council meeting tonight."

"Please, have a seat." Geoffrey motioned to a nearby chair.

Arthur positioned it so he'd be opposite the desk. "I'm going to skip the pleasantries and get right to the point."

"Very well." Geoffrey nodded at the king. "What is it you wished to discuss?"

"I was almost certain that you would support my campaign to end the ban on magic. I know Gaius practiced magic in the years before the purge, and that you two were friends. Why didn't you support my cause? Surely you know that magic can be used for good."

"I have seen magic do many great and terrible things," said the old scholar. "I know more about magic than you could dream of. I know you have good intentions in wanting to change the law, but I've witnessed what happened when your father dabbled in the magical arts. No good came from that – it led directly to the purge. I cannot support your campaign."

"My father used magic?" Arthur stared in disbelief.

"He didn't, no. But he was involved with someone who did. Do you know the circumstances behind your mother's death and your birth?"

"No," said Arthur. A year ago, he would've been furious at Uther for keeping that knowledge from him, but now Arthur could care less. "And I don't need to. All I want right now is to repeal the ban."

"If you want me to support your cause, I need to make sure that you have all the facts.  
Geoffrey graced Arthur with a grim look. "In order for you to understand why Uther started the purge against all with magic, you need to know what happened to Igraine."

"My mother died during childbirth and losing her almost destroyed my father." Arthur shrugged. "That is all I need to know."

"Yes, but there is more to it than that." The old man sighed, obviously pained to have to recount the event. "Your parents had trouble conceiving and Uther had to produce an heir. Your mother convinced your father to seek the aid of a powerful witch. You were created by magic, Arthur."

Arthur was surprised by this revelation, but he just didn't care. He had more important things on his mind, like making sure that Merlin and all magical users would be safe in his kingdom. But Monmouth clearly needed to continue his story, so Arthur motioned for him to keep going.

"Your mother carried you to term, with no complications. But what Uther didn't realize, is that according to the Old Religion, when one life is created, another must die. During your birth, Ygraine unknowingly sacrificed herself so that you could live. The witch failed to mention this detail to your father. Uther was furious and heartbroken once he realized what the witch had done. It was then that he organized and carried out the purge against all magic users."

Arthur frowned. "Is this story supposed to convince me to abandon my pursuit? Because it's not working."

"It is a cautionary tale of what can happen if magic goes wrong." Geoffrey's face was grave. "Tell me, my king, why do you wish to repeal the ban?"

"I believe it is unfair to punish those who are born with a power that they did not choose. These people should be allowed to develop their gifts instead of having to hide in fear," Arthur said proudly.

"You want to help your people, is that it? Geoffrey regarded him closely.

"Yes, of course."

"I don't buy it. There must be another reason as to why you want to lift the ban. A more personal reason, perhaps?"

Arthur said nothing.

"Maybe you have a friend that has magic and you want to make Camelot safe for them?"

Arthur just stared at the old man, surprised by his insightfulness. Of course everyone knew by now that Merlin had magic, but not many knew that Arthur considered him to be a friend.

"In the ancient days, a Court Sorcerer was appointed to oversee magical developments and disputes. Have you considered this?" Geoffrey asked.

"I have," said Arthur. "I've chosen Merlin, my manservant. He's extremely powerful and would make a great leader for the magical community."

"He's not _just _your manservant, though," Geoffrey said knowingly. "Is he?"

"What do you mean?" Arthur said smoothly, but it didn't fool the elderly man for a second.

"Arthur, I have eyes." Arthur had never seen Geoffrey seem so dejected and worn out as he did at this moment. "An old man can see many things that younger men cannot. I know what Merlin means to you. If things between the two of you went wrong, what is to stop Merlin from wanting his revenge on you and attacking Camelot?"

Arthur couldn't believe he was having this conversation with Geoffrey of all people. How embarrassing! But he needed the man's support if he ever was to change the law on magic, so he took the bait.

"First off, we would never go wrong. It's obvious even to you that we're made for each other. Secondly, even if it did go wrong – which it won't – Merlin isn't the kind of person who would seek revenge." Arthur was certain about that. It just wasn't in Merlin's nature to want to hurt anyone. Unless of course they were threatening Arthur. Then all bets were off.

"How do you know for sure?" Geoffrey pressed. "If something happened to turn Merlin against you, he has the power to kill you without barely lifting a finger. He could gain control of the kingdom and then Camelot would be lost."

"He wouldn't do that."

"Or what if Merlin betrayed you?" Geoffrey continued. "Is there any chance that you would purge the kingdom of magic users as a way of getting revenge?"

"No!" Arthur growled. "I'm _not_ my father. I will never execute anyone because they have magic. Even if Merlin and I didn't work out, I would never do that. What's the sense in blaming an entire magical population for something that one person did? My father's reasoning was flawed. There was no logical reason for his actions."

Geoffrey didn't seem convinced. "I've seen what heartbreak can do to a king. I never thought your father was capable of ordering the purge, but we all know how that turned out."

"Look - Merlin and I trust each other. We know that neither one would betray the other. We're completely committed," Arthur insisted. "It's not going to be a problem."

"That's what you believe right now."

"No, you don't _understand_." Arthur's frustration was audible in his voice. He was losing his patience. "I could no longer hurt Merlin more than I could hurt myself. And Merlin feels the same way. We'd rather _die_ than hurt each other."

"You truly believe that."

"I do. I _have_ to change this law, Geoffrey." Arthur knew he was pleading at this point, but he didn't care. "I need your support in the council chambers. If just one person stands up to the rest, there is a good chance that others will follow."

"I don't know, Arthur. Why do you need _my_ help?"

"The other elders respect you," Arthur insisted. "It is my hope that they will listen to you and find it in them to support my change."

Geoffrey sighed. "I believe in you, Arthur. I always have. But ever since you took Merlin as a servant, I've noticed a subtle change in you. The arrogant boy slowly turned into a confident young man. I know Merlin had something to do with that."

"He did. Very much," said Arthur. "His kind do not deserve to live in fear any longer. I want all of my subjects to feel safe here in Camelot. That can't happen unless I change the law."

Geoffrey stayed silent.

"Please."

The please was what did it. "Alright," the old man conceded. "I'll do it."

"Thank you." Arthur shook his hand. "You won't regret it!"

"I hope you're right," Geoffrey muttered to himself after Arthur had departed.

.~.

Merlin and Arthur met up just outside the throne room doors. They entered the room together, and once the council was seated, Arthur called the council to order.

Merlin sat at Arthur's left, which showed how much Arthur valued his presence. Luckily, the council was more keen to discuss the magic issue than before. As Arthur had requested, when the time came, he explained all the times that he'd saved Arthur (and Camelot) from destruction. This seemed to have a favorable effect on the council members.

As the council meeting dragged on with endless debate, Arthur wished he could make them all agree, or do away with the council altogether. But that would make him a dictator, and that wouldn't do. When he first set out to change the law on magic, he hadn't expected it would be this difficult or time consuming.

After what seemed like hours, Geoffrey asked that Arthur and Merlin leave the room, so the council could make their decision in private. When they were asked to return, Arthur shared a worried look with Merlin. What if the council had decided not to change the law? Then what would they do? Arthur supposed he could file an appeal, but those almost never worked.

"Well, don't keep me in suspense," said Arthur, as soon as he sat down. "What is your decision?"

Merlin grabbed Arthur's hand under the table for support.

"My lord, we have agreed to overturn the ban on magic," said Geoffrey.

A weight on Arthur's shoulder that he hadn't even known he'd been carrying suddenly dissolved. Merlin and his kind were safe! Merlin squeezed his hand under the table as a thank you, and Arthur squeezed back. He thought they were in the clear, but Geoffrey hadn't stopped talking.

"We have decided that here is a condition that you must agree to you before we overturn the law. We believe we will be more vulnerable to magical attacks once the law has changed. If something happened to you, Arthur, the consequences would be severe as Camelot has no heir. All we ask is that you marry a woman of noble birth in a month's time and provide us with an heir to continue the Pendragon lineage."

"But I haven't even started looking yet," Arthur protested. "Marriage is serious business, and I want to make sure that the woman I pick will make a good wife and queen."

"That is our offer. You may take it or leave it."

Arthur locked eyes with Merlin, who kept his expression carefully blank. Whatever Arthur had expected the council's final say was, it certainly hadn't been this. Arthur knew he had to take a wife eventually, but he thought that a marriage was years away. What were they going to do?

.~.

End Chapter 8

A/N: Sorry it took so long to post this. I hope you enjoyed it. Reviews are great!


	9. Decision Made

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. Sorry there's not more, but I wanted to give you guys something. There's not much plot advancement but there is plenty of Merthur sweet sugary goodness. I hope you like it!

.~.

Chapter 9: Decision Made

.~.

Recap

"_My lord, we have agreed to overturn the ban on magic," said Geoffrey. _

_A weight on Arthur's shoulder that he hadn't even known he'd been carrying suddenly dissolved. Merlin and his kind were safe! Merlin squeezed his hand under the table as a thank you, and Arthur squeezed back. He thought they were in the clear, but Geoffrey hadn't stopped talking._

"_We have decided that here is a condition that you must agree to you before we overturn the law. We believe we will be more vulnerable to magical attacks once the law has changed. If something happened to you, Arthur, the consequences would be severe as Camelot has no heir. All we ask is that you marry a woman of noble birth in a month's time and provide us with an heir to continue the Pendragon lineage."_

"_But I haven't even started looking yet," Arthur protested. "Marriage is serious business, and I want to make sure that the woman I pick will make a good wife and queen."_

"_That is our offer. You may take it or leave it."_

_Arthur locked eyes with Merlin, who kept his expression carefully blank. Whatever Arthur had expected the council's final say was, it certainly hadn't been this. Arthur knew he had to take a wife eventually, but he thought that a marriage was years away. What were they going to do?_

_.~._

Arthur wasn't sure what to decide. How could he choose between marrying and changing the law on magic or not marrying and not changing the law? Either way, whatever he chose would be unfair to Merlin. Arthur _really_ wanted to repeal the law against magic, but at this cost? He needed to talk to Merlin about this and weigh their options before he made a final decision.

"Well?" Geoffrey of Monmouth was still waiting for his answer. Every single council member was staring at Arthur, waiting to see how the young king would respond.

So Arthur did the only thing he could think of. He stalled. "I will need some time to think about your demand before making a decision," he announced.

"So be it," said Geoffrey, with a terse nod. "This council is adjourned." After they were dismissed, the councilmen stood up and slowly shuffled out of the room. Many were discussing what they thought Arthur would decide, or what they would decide if they were the king.

Most of them didn't notice Arthur glaring at Geoffrey's back as he left the room. When Arthur had gone to him to ask for his support in changing the law, a stipulation to marry within a month was _not_ what he'd had in mind.

Merlin cleared his throat, and Arthur forced himself to stop glaring. Apparently it wasn't very kingly behavior. But at this point, Arthur didn't really care. He was the king, and he was being undermined by his councilmen. _How dare they,_ Arthur thought, barely keeping his anger in check. He had gone out of his way to show these men that he was nothing like his father, but did that help win their support? Apparently not.

The two young men walked out of the throne room side by side. Well, Merlin walked. Arthur's fists were clenched as he stormed out of the throne room, his red cape billowing out behind him. People walking past them were sure to give Arthur a wide berth. Merlin smiled apologetically at them as he quickened his pace to keep up with Arthur. They reached Arthur's chambers in record time.

Merlin had barely shut the doors before Arthur began his rant.

"How could they _do_ this to me?" Arthur raged as he paced back and forth in the safety of his chambers. "How could they treat me like I'm worthless until I have an heir? After all I've done to prove to them that I'm not like my father. I should have just disbanded the council. Who needs them anyway?"

"Camelot does," Merlin reminded him, calmly sitting on the bed as he watched Arthur pace. From experience, Merlin knew there wasn't much he could do until Arthur wore himself out. "Unless you want to become a dictator, they have to stay."

"How on earth am I supposed to choose?" Arthur scowled. "Either way, you and I don't get something that we want."

"We knew you'd have to marry eventually," Merlin reminded him.

"I know, but I thought we had _years_ to ourselves before I had to take a wife." Arthur shook his head. "Not a month!"

"So did I," sighed Merlin. "But we don't. Not if we want to repeal the law on magic."

"Merlin, we_ deserve_ those years together," Arthur exclaimed as he came to a stop in front of the bed. "It's not fair!"

Merlin shrugged. "Life's not fair."

Arthur ignored him and continued on his tirade, lifting his arms up.

Merlin carefully removed his armor and set it aside.

Arthur continued complaining. "Not only that, when I marry, I want to make sure that whoever the woman is, you and I both like her. A month is not nearly enough time to decide between all the female candidates that will surely flock to Camelot."

"Why does it matter that_ I_ like her?" Merlin was a little confused. "You're the one that has to marry her."

"You're such an_ idiot _sometimes, Merlin," Arthur said, shaking his head. "I need you to like her because you're mine and if you're not happy, I'm not happy."

"Right then," said Merlin, beaming at Arthur. "That was very nice of you to say."

"I wasn't trying to be nice, _Mer_lin," said Arthur, pulling on his trousers and a loose fitting red shirt. "I was just stating a fact."

"Oh, I see," said Merlin, hiding a smile.

"Are you making fun of me?" Arthur demanded.

"Oh no, Sire, I wouldn't_ dream_ of it," said Merlin, cheekily grinning at his king.

"You can't address me like that. I'll have to punish you for that remark." Arthur pulled Merlin in for a kiss, and slowly deepened it. Merlin lost himself in the kiss, especially loving it when Arthur gently swiped the tip of his tongue with his own. They rolled around on the bed with Arthur finally settling on top.

"This won't do," said Arthur, smoothing Merlin's sweaty bangs away from his eyes after they came up for air. "I can feel you're liking this punishment too much."

"Mmm," said Merlin, very content to be right where he was, underneath Arthur Pendragon with no means of escape. "So are you."

"Then I'll just have to try _harder_." Arthur moved against him, causing Merlin to moan softly. "What was that, Merlin? I didn't quite catch that," Arthur teased as they slowly began to rock against each other.

"More," Merlin insisted. "Don't stop."

"I won't stop," Arthur said quietly, finding the love he felt for Merlin reflecting back at him in his warlock's eyes. "Mmm, it's been too long since we've done this. Ever since that assassin came into our lives, I haven't been able to do what I want with you."

"Sorry it took me so long to recover." Merlin panted, as they gradually upped their tempo. "It was stupid, not shielding myself."

"Don't… do that… again," Arthur panted.

"I won't," Merlin ground out. He was reminded of the 'fight' that they'd had a few days before. Arthur had threatened to end their relationship if Merlin refused to remember to protect himself in times of danger. Of course, Merlin's first instinct was always to protect Arthur no matter what, but he promised that he would try to protect himself just as much. Arthur had relented, and the making up had been rather spectacular.

"Need you… with me," Arthur insisted.

"Always," said Merlin, before their sounds became undistinguishable. When they came together, Merlin's mind went blissfully blank as he literally saw stars. Arthur followed soon after, clutching at Merlin as if he'd never let go.

.~.

"Next time we should remember to take our clothes off," Arthur remarked as they basked in the afterglow. Arthur's strong arms encircled Merlin, making the young warlock feel safe and loved. There was nowhere else Merlin would rather be. "If you're ready, that is. I don't want you to think I'm pressuring you."

"I think I'm ready," Merlin gave him a shy smile. He had been hesitant before, wanting to take things slow. But the more times that he'd been intimate with Arthur, the safer he had felt about sharing such an act. Their trust between them grew each day. Each time they shared a secret or told an embarrassing story, they grew closer. Merlin and Arthur shared a lover's bond deeply rooted in friendship that many people would dream of having but could never quite find.

"It's not fair – you've seen me naked millions of times," said Arthur, as Merlin turned over to face him. "And I still don't know what you look like under those trousers."

"There's not much to see," said Merlin, a little embarrassed. "I'm skin and bones. I'm not nearly as impressive as you. I'm not as fit, or muscular, or –"

"Merlin," Arthur cut him off, giving him a meaningful look. "All that doesn't matter. It will be you. That's all I could ever want."

"Oh," Merlin said, ridiculously happy at Arthur's reassurance. "I was afraid I'd disappoint you."

"I could never be disappointed in you." Arthur gently kissed his forehead and once again called him an idiot. Merlin almost cried, because only Arthur could make an insult into something unbearably sweet. It was at times like these that he couldn't believe that Arthur was his.

It really didn't even matter that Arthur was being forced into an early marriage. Merlin thought it was probably even a smart idea. If God forbid, something happened to Arthur and the kingdom was left without an heir… Merlin shuddered. It was too horrific to think about. If Arthur was killed before he had an heir, Camelot's great destiny and everything that they had worked so hard for would be gone. Merlin couldn't stand in the way of that happening, even if it meant giving up time with Arthur.

He started to tell Arthur how he felt but the king also began to say something at the same time. They laughed softly as they realized what they'd done.

"You go first," said Arthur, still chuckling.

"You're the_ king_," Merlin said in a mocking voice. "You go."

"_Mer_lin." Arthur snuck his hands under Merlin's armpits and began to lightly tickle him. "Just tell me."

"Arthur, stop!" Merlin gasped, trying to pull away and realizing that it was futile. Thankfully, Arthur relented and Merlin was able to regain his composure. "Alright. I know you hate the idea but I think you should tell the council that you'll get married within the month." Merlin waited for a response but got none. "What were you going to say to me?"

"I was just going to tell you that I want to repeal the law on magic no matter what the consequence is. Even if it means I have to get married in a month." Arthur's arms encircled Merlin's smaller form once again. Each of them were lost in their own thoughts.

Merlin was happy that Arthur wanted to make Camelot safe for magic users, and Arthur was happy that Merlin was amenable to him getting married so soon. They were both willing to make a sacrifice for the sake of the other.

"At least we both agree on what should be done," said Merlin.

"Tomorrow, I will reconvene the council and tell them that I have chosen to repeal the ban on magic and that I will marry within a month's time. Then, at the end of my coronation ceremony, I will announce you as my Court Sorcerer. Does that please you, _Mer_lin?" Arthur asked, his voice unbearably low.

"Nothing would please me more," Merlin said truthfully.

It was almost midday, and they both knew that Arthur couldn't hide in his chambers for much longer. But they would take the few stolen moments that they could get before Arthur began his search for a wife. When Arthur finally decided on a future queen, their lives would undoubtedly grow more complicated. But until that time came, Merlin and Arthur would cherish the time they had left together.

.~.

End Chapter 9

.~.

Thanks for sticking with me! Reviews are great!


	10. Discoveries and Announcements

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. I wrote a TON of descriptions about a special room – which is not usual for me. But descriptions are my weak spot, so I challenged myself to do that. I hope you like that part especially! I need to credit my mom for the idea of the diary, and also thank her for being a wonderful beta. Sorry this is later than I expected but I have finals coming up and you know how that goes.

A/N2: I'm very thankful for my regular reviewers Ondori-Naramaki, MirrorFlower and DarkWind, Loulou2a, mersan123, ulqui's-girl, and MyriadProBold. You guys keep me going!

.~.

Chapter 10: Discoveries and Announcements

.~.

_The next day_

Arthur faced the council with his head held high, his presence radiating with quiet power. Several of the men leaned forward in their chairs, eager to hear what the king had decided. The room was deathly quiet as Arthur waited to speak, wanting to build the suspense.

"Yesterday, you presented me with quite a quandary," Arthur finally began. "I have thought long and hard about it and I have made my decision. I wish to repeal the law against magic, therefore I will agree to your terms. I will wed a woman of noble birth within a month's time, in hopes of providing the kingdom with an heir."

Quiet applause broke out among the councilmen. Geoffrey of Monmouth nodded his head in approval and Arthur nodded back. When he first heard them, the king had been furious with the terms to marry within a month, but he had to admit that it was a good idea. It _was_ his duty to produce an heir to carry on the royal bloodline after he died. He wished it didn't have to be so soon, as he wanted more time with Merlin without the complication of a wife he barely knew. But his loyalty to Camelot had won out, as did his desire to allow Merlin and those with magic to be able to practice their craft freely, without fear of execution or persecution.

"I am also informing you that at the end of my coronation, I will be announcing Merlin as my Court Sorcerer. I do not need your permission to do this, as such appointments have always been the king's privilege. I just wanted you to know ahead of time, so that you aren't surprised when the announcement is made."

A few of the older council members looked outraged, and were about to complain but something about Arthur's determined gaze stopped them. They knew it wouldn't do any good if they protested – Arthur's mind was already made up.

"If there's nothing else…" Arthur looked around but no one spoke up. "This meeting is adjourned." He quickly left the room, leaving the men to speculate amongst themselves about Arthur's decision.

.~.

After asking around, Arthur found Merlin taking breakfast with Gwen and Morgana in her chambers. Merlin quickly swallowed a bite of bread as soon as he saw Arthur enter the room.

"How did it go?" Merlin asked.

"Yes, tell us," Morgana encouraged.

"As good as can be expected." Arthur sat down next to Merlin and swiped a slice of his bread. "They seemed relieved that I was going to get married soon. But a few of them seemed disgruntled after I told them I was appointing you as Court Sorcerer."

"You can't please all the people all the time," said Merlin, but inside he was worried. "At least they know."

"I suppose." Arthur reached for Merlin's hand. "I wish I could stay and talk, but I need to work on my speech. The coronation is tomorrow, after all. Can I take these? Thanks." He grabbed two sausages off the plate that Merlin had been saving for last, without waiting for an answer. But Merlin couldn't find it in him to scold him, not when he just announced to the whole council that he was making Merlin the Court Sorcerer.

"Good luck with your speech," Merlin called after him.

.~.

While Arthur was working on his coronation speech, Merlin took on the massive task of removing Uther's possessions from the king's chambers and bringing in Arthur's. The king had protested earlier when Merlin volunteered for the task, reminding him that he didn't need to perform menial tasks anymore. Merlin had insisted that he was happy to do it, especially because he could freely use his magic. The young warlock knew that every spare pair of hands was needed for preparation for the coronation, and this was something that he could do more quickly than anyone else. Gwen and Morgana were happy to help him, thankful to escape the hustle and bustle of servants running about.

Merlin thought this would be an excellent time for an informal lesson for Morgana on learning how to enchant objects. They would start with something small and build her confidence. He hoped that in a few weeks, she would feel ready enough to tackle how to control fire. That was one of Morgana's fears. There had been one night where she accidentally set fire to her bed by fixating on a candle's flame that sat at her bedside. It had scared her half to death, knowing that she had such magical power. Merlin knew he could help her quell that fear.

Merlin cautiously opened the door to the king's chamber. No one had gone inside since they removed Uther's body. He tiptoed inside, almost afraid that he would be greeted by the angry ghost of Uther. When no such ghost appeared, he chastised himself for being stupid and then motioned for Morgana and Gwen to come in behind him.

"It feels weird to be in here," said Morgana, echoing how Merlin felt as they walked around the darkened room. "Like we aren't supposed to be in here, like we're disturbing something. I know technically these are the king's rooms, but I will always associate them with Uther. I know they belong to Arthur now, but…"

"I know," said Merlin. "It's strange."

"Agreed," said Gwen, throwing open the curtains, allowing the sunlight to stream into the gloomy room. It was just like Gwen to shed some light on the situation. "But we can't let Uther's memory distract us from the task at hand. We'd better get started if we want to move Arthur's things in here by today." That was Gwen, ever the pragmatist. Merlin was more than happy to take her advice.

The first thing they did was sort through Uther's belongings. The girls helped Merlin decide which pile to put things in. The options were: give away to the needy, save for Arthur, or for the more precious items, hold in the vaults for safekeeping. Merlin had a pretty good idea of what sort of things Arthur would want to keep for himself, and if he wasn't sure, he placed them in the 'save for Arthur' pile.

As they sorted, Merlin showed Morgana how he moved objects from one place to another using a levitation spell. Morgana tried it on a comb, but couldn't move it at all during the first two tries. However, the third time was a charm, and she successfully levitated the comb a few feet into the air before it clattered back down onto the table.

"Very good," said Merlin with a smile that she returned. "You've taken your first step into the world of magic. Well, magic that you can control. How did it feel?"

"Really excellent," said Morgana, a look of awe upon her pretty face. "I didn't know it could feel good when I used magic."

"That's just the beginning," Merlin promised. "I can teach you many uses for your magic, as well as how to control it instead of letting it control you."

"Thank you, Merlin!" Morgana hugged a surprised Merlin. "You don't know what this means to me."

"To feel like a freak because you have magic? I have an idea of what that feels like," said Merlin, but there was no bitterness in his voice. He had come to terms with what he was a long time ago. Now he was determined to help others like himself realize that their magic was not a disease, but a gift that they could use to help others.

"You two are just amazing," said Gwen, who'd been watching with wide eyes. "I knew you both had magical abilities, but I've never seen either of you use it. It's incredible! "

"It certainly helps making chores go faster," said Merlin with a grin.

"Did you use magic to do your chores before it was legal?" Morgana asked.

"Well…" Merlin trailed off, a telltale blush giving him away. "Sometimes. Gaius would give me a talking to if he ever caught me. But it was just so much easier to do with magic that I couldn't help myself."

"I'm just glad that it's legal now," said Gwen. "For both your sakes."

"We have Arthur to thank for that," said Merlin.

"And you," said Morgana, as she handed Merlin the sheets and bed spread that had been stripped from the bed.

"I'll take these to be washed," said Gwen, grabbing them as well as some dirty laundry.

Merlin was glad to get a little time alone with Morgana, to give her a little further instruction on levitation as he cleaned out Uther's chest of drawers. He found mostly old documents and odd little knickknacks. He doubted Arthur would want any of those things. He was almost about to close the last drawer and move on when a small iron object caught his eye.

"Morgana! Come look at this," Merlin motioned for her to come over.

"I wonder what it goes to?" Morgana said as she picked up the dusty key. "It's smaller than the rest that open the dungeons."

"Why don't you try your spell on the key?" Merlin suggested. He was almost done sorting Uther's things. Merlin figured that once Gwen came back, they could rid the chamber of traces of Uther forever and concentrate on moving Arthur in.

Merlin finished emptying the last trunk of clothes, and turned his attention to Morgana, who was having some success at moving the key.

"Look, Merlin! I'm doing it!" she cried, as the key hung dangling in the air.

"Very good," said Merlin, deciding to give her a bit of a challenge. "Can you try moving it a little to the left?"

"I'll try." Determined, Morgana waved her hand just a little to the left. Slowly, the key moved an inch to the left. Unfortunately Gwen came in at that exact moment, and the sound of the door opening distracted Morgana.

"Oh no!" Morgana exclaimed as she dropped the key that she'd been levitating. It rolled under a tall wooden wardrobe that stored all of Uther's formal attire. "I can't reach it."

Merlin held out his hand to call the object to him before Gwen interrupted.

"Wait!" She cried.

"Why?" asked Merlin.

"Can you move that instead?" Gwen said, indicating the wardrobe.

"I _can_," said Merlin, not really sure where she was going with this.

"Show me. I just want to see if the future Court Sorcerer can live up to his name." Gwen's eyes sparkled with mirth.

"I will accept your challenge," Merlin said with much formality, but his telltale grin gave him away. Of _course_ he was thrilled to have the opportunity to demonstrate his powers, especially to impress his friends. There was the fact that he'd never moved an object quite that heavy before, but after defeating Questing Beasts and evil sorcerers, he imagined it wouldn't be that difficult.

Merlin whispered a spell and suddenly the wardrobe began to float a foot in the air, revealing the key underneath. It took more of his magical strength than he was expecting but he was able to move it relatively easily about five feet to the left and set it down. Morgana was about to reach down and pick up the key when Merlin and Gwen both let out a gasp. All thoughts of bragging about moving the furniture left Merlin's mind as he stared at the wall in wonder.

"What?" said Morgana, stooping down to grab the key.

"Look!" Gwen exclaimed, pointing at the wall.

Morgana stood up, key in hand, and saw what they were looking at. Hidden behind the furniture for many years was a secret door!

"I had no idea this was here!" Morgana squealed with delight. She automatically reached for the doorknob, but predictably, it was locked. "Let's open it. I'll bet this is the right key."

"I don't know," Gwen cautioned. "I've been working here for as long as I can remember, and I've never heard of an adjoining door to the king's chambers. Have you?"

"No, I haven't," Merlin said truthfully. He was mystified as to the door's clandestine existence. Why had it been hidden for so many years? Uther must have known about it. He must have been the person who ordered the furniture placed over the door. But why?

A crease appeared in Gwen's usually smooth forehead. "What if it's locked for a good reason?"

Merlin reached out with his magic and sensed if there were any threats inside the secret room. "It seems safe to me," he announced.

"Alright," Gwen said reluctantly. "But I'm not going in first."

Morgana was more than happy to go first. She fit the key into the lock and turned it clockwise. The door slowly swung open to reveal a room arranged much like the king's chamber, only smaller. However, the main difference between the king's chamber and this room was that this room had clearly belonged to a woman.

A tarnished mirror edged with gold filigree hung on the wall. Beneath it stood a small table, playing host to different sized bottles that upon inspection, Morgana found that they held perfume, face powder, and creams. Next to the bottles lay a silver comb and hairbrush, along with a wooden jewelry box. Near the far corner sat the dresser, topped with a tall glass vase that still held withered red roses. The bed was small, meant for one person. It was covered with a periwinkle blue quilt, embossed with a giant golden lion. A few rays of sun streamed in through the stain glass window that overlooked the courtyard. The window was framed with blue drapes that matched the quilt. Adjacent to the bed stood a bookshelf, stocked with aged manuscripts. Everything was covered in a blanket of cobwebs and layers of dust.

Merlin coughed as he got a whiff of the musty smell when Morgana reached for one of the books. Gwen was not unaffected either. She sneezed three times in a row, not reacting well to the dust that was stirred up.

"Look at the terrible state of this room!" Gwen exclaimed. "I wonder when it was last cleaned? It's filthy." She sat on the edge of the bed, marveling at the artistry of the quilt. If she had to guess, it was a coat of arms.

"Look at this!" Merlin opened the jewelry box and found several sparkling gems on gold chains. He found a diamond, a sapphire, and a ruby – all with matching earrings. But he was drawn to a simple silver heart necklace that glistened in the sunlight. He picked it up and turned it over. Etched onto the front was a scripted 'Y'. He passed the necklace around so that Gwen and Morgana could see it. All three came to the same conclusion. The "Y" obviously stood for Ygraine.

"I think this must have been_ her_ room. Arthur's mum," Merlin elaborated. "Uther must have given her a separate chamber, for times that she wished to be alone and undisturbed."

Morgana opened the book. Inside, written in fancy script read _Property of Ygraine de Bois_. "This must be her diary," said Morgana. "Since she's using her maiden name, I'm guessing she started writing in it before she met Uther." She moved to turn the page and read further but Merlin stopped her.

"What's the problem?" She asked.

"I dunno - I think Arthur should be the first one to read it," Merlin insisted. "It was his mum's after all." Gwen immediately agreed with him, much to Morgana's disappointment.

"Very well – Arthur can have the first look. I presume it's been perfectly preserved the way it was right before she died," said Morgana. She saw something sticking out behind the headboard. "What's this?" She pulled out a portrait of the young queen with Arthur's father. She guessed that Ygraine was about eighteen or nineteen, and that Uther was in his late twenties. Both were gazing at each other and looked very much in love. "Uther must have been so overcome with grief that he locked the room and had the furniture moved to block the door so he wouldn't have to be reminded of her. That's so sad!"

"Arthur looks so much like his mum. It's uncanny!" said Merlin as he inspected the portrait. "His eyes are her exact shade of blue. And he has her golden hair."

"Do you know what this means?" Gwen looked expectantly at the others.

"Yes. Arthur will be thrilled!" Merlin grinned. "This room will give him a piece of the mother he's never known." The young warlock already looking forward to delivering the happy news to his king. "Especially the portrait. His father looks like a kinder, gentler man in the picture. And the diary, of course. Hopefully they will give Arthur some comfort and a bit of an insight into their lives."

"Well, yes, there's that," said Gwen. "But once this room has been cleared…"

"Ooooh!" Morgana squealed, quickly catching on to Gwen's train of thought. "Once Arthur's moved in, this can be _your _room, Merlin! You can spend the night in here, only a room away from Arthur. No one will question Arthur's servant sleeping in an adjoining room so that he'll have better access to tend to the king's needs."

"It will be perfect! You can have your 'alone time' with Arthur in the king's chamber, and once he falls asleep, you can sleep in here," said Gwen. "It's foolproof."

Merlin had turned beet red when Gwen mentioned having 'alone time' with Arthur. But he was relieved beyond belief that they had found the secret room. Morgana was right. No one would think twice if he moved in to a room next to Arthur. They could be together at night and no one would have to know!

"If you hadn't dropped that key, we never would have found the room." Merlin hugged a smug Morgana. "Thank you. I can't wait to tell Arthur!"

"Oh no, I just thought of something," said Gwen, sounding disheartened.

"What?" Merlin's heart sank. Whatever it was, it didn't sound good.

"When Arthur marries, he'll have to give this room to his future queen."

"Oh." Merlin bit his lip, trying to keep the disappointment from spilling out. "You're right."

"But you can stay here for a month," Morgana reminded him. "At least you'll have that time with him."

"It won't be nearly enough," Merlin said sadly. "Once his wife's moved in, I don't know how Arthur and I can be together."

"Between Morgana, Lance, and I, we'll find some way to help you two. We could guard an empty room in the castle or you could use our house sometimes," said Gwen.

"No." Merlin said firmly. "I couldn't impose on you like that. And I don't want to have to hide and worry about being discovered. Arthur wouldn't want that either. I don't know what we'll do. We could stay away from each other for a while if we had to, but we couldn't do it forever. I need him and he needs me. It's that simple."

"We'll help you Merlin," Morgana promised. "Somehow, we will."

"Let's not worry about this now," Gwen said gently, in an effort to cheer up a morose-looking Merlin. "We still need to bring Arthur's things into the king's chamber and give it a thorough cleaning."

Merlin helped do just that, but he didn't say a word for the rest of the morning. They continued their work through the afternoon, only stopping to break for lunch.

.~.

Morgana, Gwen, and Merlin finished readying the king's chambers just before Arthur returned.

"You three did all of this? In a _day_?" Arthur was flabbergasted as he looked around the room. His things had all been moved in and from the looks of things, neatly organized.

"We used magic," said Morgana.

"I know, but even so." Arthur focused his attention on Merlin. "You always keep coming up with ways to surprise me. You're amazing." Arthur's hand brushed against Merlin's cheek, who couldn't help but lean in to the touch. Merlin let out a soft sigh, loving every little moment that he and Arthur shared. He felt extremely proud that Arthur was pleased by something that he did.

Morgana cleared her throat, bringing Merlin and Arthur's attention back to her and Gwen. "We cleared out most of Uther's belongings, but we saved the things that Merlin thought you might want. They're on the bed."

"Thank you," said Arthur. "I was dreading having to do that. I'll probably get rid of most of it, but I might save a few mementos that remind me of my father."

"A thank you from his highness? My, my," teased Morgana. "I think he's dismissing us, Gwen."

"We'll leave you two alone, then." Gwen gave them a cheeky wink, then disappeared behind Morgana. They shut the door behind them, and the sound echoed throughout the chamber.

"We're in your father's chambers, Arthur," said Merlin. "It's weird."

"A bit," Arthur agreed. "But he's gone. I'm in charge now and this is _my_ room."

"Actually, about that…" Merlin wasn't sure how to break the news to Arthur about his mother's chamber, so he just blurted it out. "You inherited more than one room."

"Merlin, have you been hitting the cider again?" Arthur joked.

"No!" Merlin said indignantly. "I'm serious. Look over here. It was behind your father's wardrobe all this time, forgotten for over two decades."

Arthur's blue eyes widened as he took in the sight of a door where the wall was supposed to be. "Have you been inside?"

Merlin nodded. "I think you'll like what's in there, Arthur."

Arthur slowly approached the door. Merlin had left it unlocked, so the door swung open easily as the king pushed his way inside. He gasped quietly as he took in all of the furnishings. Arthur immediately recognized the blue and gold lion bedspread for what it was – the du Bois coat of arms. He quickly put two and two together.

"This was my mother's room," Arthur said in an odd voice.

"Yes," said Merlin, not sure if Arthur wanted some time by himself in his mother's old room. If he wanted privacy, Merlin was happy to give it to him. He took a few steps away, thinking Arthur wouldn't need him for a while.

"Get in here with me, you idiot," Arthur commanded.

_That answered that question_, Merlin thought as he joined Arthur in the secret room.

"There she is!" Arthur had found the portrait of his parents. "This is unbelievable! Look how beautiful she was."

"She definitely reminds me of you," said Merlin. "I also assume she's where you get your kind and generous heart from. It certainly wasn't from your father."

"Merlin, you shouldn't speak ill of the dead," Arthur frowned, but they both knew he didn't mean it. "I obviously got those things from my mum."

"There's something else you should see." Merlin picked up Ygraine's diary and handed it to his king. "Morgana found it earlier. She wanted to read it, but I told her that you should have the first look. We think it was your mum's diary."

Arthur opened it, greedily flipping through the pages - most of which were full.

"You're right – it is a diary. I wonder what she thought of my father the first time they met. I'm pretty sure their marriage was arranged," said Arthur. Then he yawned, bringing him back to the present. "I need to eat, bathe, and get some rest – in that order."

"Yes, Sire," said Merlin, this time without sarcasm. He disappeared to go get their meal, leaving Arthur alone in his mother's room.

"This is better than anything I could've imagined," Arthur muttered to himself. When he'd been a child, he went around to everyone who had known his mother and pumped them for information about her. He asked typical questions. Had she loved him? What made her fall in love with his father? What were some of her favorite things to do for fun? It had never seemed quite enough. But to have this tangible link to his mother, to the woman she was… it was overwhelming.

Arthur's eyes blurred with tears as he tried to read the first entry in his mum's diary. On second thought, maybe he should leave the diary for tomorrow. That would probably be for the best.

Merlin returned within a few minutes and they tucked in to their dinner.

.~.

_Later_

"I can't believe that my coronation is tomorrow," said Arthur as they climbed into bed. He ended up keeping only a few of Uther's posessions, knocking the rest to the floor. Merlin couldn't say he was surprised. If he'd had a father like Uther, he wouldn't have wanted to keep much of his. There would be too many bad memories associated with the object.

"I can't believe it either," said Merlin.

"Finally, the moment I've been dreaming of since I was a child will be here!" As he lay next to Merlin, Arthur's mind was far away from this bed, imagining the scenario that was to take place the next day. God, he hoped that he didn't trip. That would be bloody embarrassing!

"I hope it's everything you've wanted. You've mourned your father. Now it's time to celebrate your reign as King Arthur," said Merlin. "I'm looking forward to seeing you wearing your crown after they make it official."

Arthur scoffed at him. "Why? It's so heavy and I'm always afraid it will fall off. Crowns are overrated."

"It reminds me just how powerful you are," Merlin said in a low voice.

"You really like it on me that much?" Arthur said knowingly.

Merlin's ears turned bright red.

"I see." Arthur smirked at him. "Well. I'm sure if I asked my faithful servant to fetch it for me, I could wear it to bed."

"Arthur!" Merlin protested, when the king's hands went exploring under the covers.

"What?" The king tried to sound innocent and failed miserably. He reluctantly pulled his hand back into safer territory. "You started it."

Merlin tried to steer the conversation back to safer topics, at least for now until they finished discussing the events of tomorrow. "Shouldn't you be thinking about your speech and how you're going to announce me as Court Sorcerer?"

"No," Arthur said confidently. "I know exactly what I'm going to say."

"Yes but, what if they don't accept me?" Merlin worried. "There hasn't been a Court Sorcerer in over a hundred years."

"They will," Arthur assured him. "They know of all the great deeds you have done to protect me and Camelot. I wouldn't be surprised if you got a round of thunderous applause."

"Are you sure you don't want to run through your speech one more time?" Merlin offered.

"I know the bloody thing backwards and forwards! Will you give it a rest with the speech?" Arthur glared at him, but then softened his expression as he looked deep into Merlin's startled eyes. "Right now all I want is to get lost in you."

"Well, when you put it that way…" Merlin caved in.

"Mmm, I've been waiting for this all day," Arthur admitted.

"I have too," said Merlin, glad that he wasn't the only one that felt that way.

They reached for each other and didn't let go until sleep claimed them.

.~.

The next day, Arthur promised before the court, select servants and villagers, that he would uphold his sacred duty as king of all Camelot. He knelt down, ready to receive the symbol of his reign. Geoffrey of Monmouth placed Uther's crown upon Arthur's head. When he stood up and turned around, he embodied royalty. Merlin's eyes watered just a bit - he could not be more proud of Arthur and what he stood for.

"Thank you for this honor to formalize the commitment I have made to my people," said Arthur. He continued his speech that Merlin had pretty much memorized after helping Arthur with it. Merlin couldn't believe that the man before him wearing the jewel encrusted crown topped with golden fleur-de-lis was _his_. Arthur may have to marry for duty, but Merlin would be the one he kept in his heart. Merlin would just have to keep reminding himself of that in the months to come.

"And now, I have announcement before we conclude the ceremony. I wish to introduce to you my new Court Sorcerer, Merlin. I know you all will treat him with the respect that he deserves." Arthur motioned at Merlin to come forward. He shook his hand and raised their joined hands high above their heads, clearly sending a message to the crowd that he and Merlin were practically equals. Merlin wasn't sure what to do, until he saw Arthur's blinding smile. Merlin returned it, and smiled at the crowd – finally seen for who he truly was.

Arthur had been right – the applause was deafening.

.~.

End Chapter 10

A/N: Reviews are great! I wrote this one on vacation for you guys. You're welcome!


	11. Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. I am introducing a new OC – he was referred to in an earlier chapter as a stablehand who has magic. I'm sorry it took me so long to post this – but I did graduate from school so that is a plus.

.~.

Chapter 11: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

.~.

Surrounded by cheering subjects on all sides, Merlin began to feel overwhelmed. Arthur had just proclaimed to all that his former servant was to be Camelot's Court Sorcerer. While he was relieved that his new title had been announced, Merlin wanted to be out of the spotlight. That was Arthur's place, not his. He preferred to work behind the scenes, but as Court Sorcerer he knew that he'd have to make more public appearances. That slightly annoyed him, but he understood that it was necessary.

Arthur noticed the beads of sweat forming on Merlin's forehead. He quickly realized Merlin wasn't enjoying all the attention, and dropped his hand. Merlin was about to return to his place when Arthur slightly shook his head. Gritting his teeth, Merlin stayed.

"In addition to Merlin," Arthur continued, "I wish to introduce the Court Sorcerer's apprentice, the lady Morgana. They will be giving lessons to any people with magic who wish to develop their gift."

The crowd roared their approval as Morgana stepped forward. Merlin and Morgana exchanged quick surprised glances. While they'd never had a formal agreement, Merlin thought it was understood that he would be giving special instruction to Morgana because they were friends and she had enormous potential. He just hadn't expected Arthur to publicly announce that fact.

But in a way, it made sense. It showed their audience that Merlin wouldn't be given all the power, that he would have someone else there to temper him. Also, Arthur subtly was addressing the stereotype that women were accused of using magic for evil than men were. Putting Morgana in a position as the Court Sorcerer's apprentice showed the women in the kingdom that their gifts would be more than welcome in this new world that Arthur was building.

If he'd been looking in her direction, Merlin would have seen Gwen fervently clapping with the other servants. But instead he was wondering about if his idea for a school of magic would be a success or not. He supposed he would head a training session the way that Arthur did with his knights. Only, instead of swordplay, his pupils would be learning spells and how to control their gifts.

Merlin's thoughts had run away with themselves again. He refocused his attention on the ceremony and found that it was about to come to an end. The young warlock was thrilled – he just wanted to get out of there.

"Long live King Arthur!" The crowd shouted in unison.

As soon as the cheering had died down, Arthur turned around and began to walk down the aisle towards the exit. Merlin and Morgana followed him, walking side by side. When they passed through the open doors, Merlin let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. It was finally over!

"Thank you for announcing me, Arthur," said Morgana.

"I couldn't let Merlin take all the credit." Arthur grinned at them both. "But I should have discussed it with you first, Merlin. I just thought it would be a nice surprise - that you wouldn't have to be the sole person in charge."

"You're the king, you can do whatever you like," Merlin answered, his face carefully blank.

Arthur swallowed hard. "I didn't mean to abuse my power -" Arthur trailed off when he realized Merlin was laughing at him.

"It's not funny, _Mer_lin."

"It is!" Merlin wheezed, holding his shaking stomach. "You totally fell for it!

Arthur scowled at him. "I did not."

"You thought I was mad at you."

"Wouldn't you want me to discuss something like that with you in the future?"

"Probably," said Merlin, after considering it. "But luckily for you, I'm happy to take Morgana on as my apprentice. I'm glad you announced it."

"Good," said a relieved Arthur. Once again Merlin was touched that Arthur cared about his opinion, even if this time he didn't ask for it. It was a step, and Merlin was grateful.

Morgana then took this opportunity to set up a time that day to have a lesson. Once they had settled that, Arthur asked Merlin to talk to him about something in private.

"I'll leave you two alone, then," said Morgana with a wink.

"It's not what you think…" Arthur protested.

"Sure it isn't." She smirked at them before she sauntered off.

Merlin couldn't believe it – Arthur was actually blushing. He led Merlin back to the king's chambers where he locked them in.

"You're blushing," Merlin teased.

"Bloody Morgana. I really did just want to talk for a moment," said Arthur. "Don't get me wrong, I would love to do any number of things with you, but I do have duties. I don't feel right about skiving off right after I just got crowned."

"I want you to do your duty," Merlin reassured him. "So what was it you want to talk about?"

"Well, we never really talked about when we're getting a servant to help with the chores. Did you still want to do that?"

"Yes! God yes," said Merlin, relieved that he'd never have to truly play servant to Arthur again. "And I think I have the perfect person for the job."

"Who?" Arthur was intrigued.

"His name is Rowan. He works in the stables but he has magic. He was one of the people who helped Morgana defeat the sorcerer," Merlin explained.

"How do you know he's qualified as a servant?" Arthur asked.

Merlin gave him a look. "How did you know _I _was qualified when I took the job?"

"Good point," Arthur conceded, remembering how Uther had made Merlin his son's servant without checking if he had experience in such matters. It had worked out very well for both of them, with Arthur finding an unexpected love with Merlin.

"Don't worry - I'll talk to him, make sure he knows what he's supposed to do," Merlin promised. "I'm sure he'll be grateful for the job opportunity. And better yet, he can use magic to help with the more menial tasks."

"Do you think you should tell him about _us_?" Arthur asked.

Merlin sighed. "I think I'll have to. I can't have him accidentally walking in on us. We could fool him for a while, but we couldn't do it forever."

"Couldn't you just put a spell on him that would make him forget?" Arthur joked.

"_Arthur_." Merlin glared at him.

"I'm kidding!" Arthur protested. "You know I'd never ask you to use your magic for something like that."

Merlin relaxed.

"Really, Merlin, by now you should know me better than that."

"I do!" Merlin promised. "Sorry, it's just that the coronation was a bit intense. I didn't like all those people staring at me. You have to do that all the time – I don't know how you do it."

"C'mere," said Arthur.

Merlin let himself to be pulled into Arthur's strong arms. He could happily stay there forever. But after a few minutes, Arthur released him, and left to begin his day which followed a strict schedule. He wouldn't see Merlin until it was time for dinner.

The young warlock sighed, already missing Arthur's presence. But he had plenty to do to keep busy until it was time to see Arthur again. He decided to head down to the stables first to see if the stablehand was interested in becoming Arthur's personal manservant.

.~.

Rowan was not hard to find. He was the only stablehand with flaming red hair. Merlin had never met him before, as he'd been out of commission when Rowan had helped Morgana defeat the evil sorcerer. He hoped that Rowan would take the job, as he didn't have anyone else in mind. Not only that, but Merlin would breathe a little easier that Arthur had a servant with magic, in case he wasn't present to defend Arthur.

When Merlin offered him the job, the man looked as if Christmas had come early.

"Thank you, sir! I won't let you down," Rowan said eagerly shaking Merlin's hand.

"Not sir, just Merlin," the young warlock corrected him. "I'm not a knight after all. Also, at some point, I hope to work with you and with other magic users to develop your skills."

"Merlin, then," said Rowan. "I'll remember."

"Good." Merlin smiled at him. Then his face fell as he remembered what he had to tell this man about him and Arthur. "There is one more thing. If you aren't comfortable with what I'm about to tell you, I'll have to hire someone else."

"I don't think that's likely," Rowan muttered. "It's pretty miserable working in the stables, even if I can openly use magic now. I could really use the job."

"I'm not really sure how to say this, but Arthur and I, well… we're…" Merlin trailed off, not sure how to explain this delicate subject to the stable hand, who would most likely shudder at the news. "We're intimate with each other. In bed," he added, to make sure that the man understood.

"I'd heard that rumor before but I never thought it was true." Rowan stared at Merlin like he'd just grown a second head. "That our king would voluntarily lie with a man? I can't believe that. Did you enchant him?"

Merlin felt the white hot stab of anger flare up through his entire body. How dare he! Merlin understood that the man may not be comfortable with the idea of two men lying together, but to insinuate that he'd forced Arthur into it? That was going too far.

"Of course I didn't enchant him." Merlin just shook his head at the man, trying desperately to keep his anger under control. He wasn't angry at Rowan, not really. He was angry that he was living in a time where people believed that men loving other men was wrong or unnatural. He also hated having to hide his love for Arthur. "I see I'll have to give the job to someone else with a bit more of an open mind."

"No, wait!" Rowan called as Merlin turned to go.

"Yes?" Merlin couldn't help but glare at him.

"I really want the job. I've heard of men being with men before, but I've never known anyone who was… like that." Rowan winced. "Personally, I don't think that men should behave like that. However, as long as I never hear it or see it, I think I can stomach knowing that you two are… doing that."

"What Arthur and I have may be something that you will never understand, and that's fine," said Merlin. "But I love Arthur very much. He's also your king. You can treat me however you wish, but when you are around Arthur, you will treat him with nothing but the utmost respect. If you do not…" Merlin gave the man a tight smile. "Well. I hope it never comes to that."

"I could never disrespect the king," Rowan insisted, almost outraged. "He made magic legal. I owe him a great debt for that – I no longer have to hide my talents from everyone."

"Even if he prefers men?" Merlin pressed. "Me in particular?"

"I suppose so - yes." Rowan gave Merlin a tentative smile. "You just surprised me when you told me that you were with him. It's not something you hear every day."

"That's true," said Merlin, starting to relax.

"I didn't mean to offend you."

"That's alright," said Merlin, his anger continuing to subside. "I must ask that you not tell anyone about my relationship with Arthur."

"I won't tell anyone. I do have a question, though," said Rowan. "Doesn't King Arthur have to marry a noblewoman?"

"He will marry soon," said Merlin. "He needs to produce and heir – that was the condition he agreed to in order to allow magic to be legal."

"What are you going to do once he gets married?"

"We haven't really thought that far," said Merlin, ready to change the subject. "So do you want the job or not?"

"Yes!" Rowan said, rather emphatically.

"Very well. You can have it as long as you promise to keep your opinions to yourself about my relationship with Arthur," said Merlin. "You start tonight with something simple – bring our dinner to us, and bring water for Arthur's bath. Make sure to make it a point to introduce yourself to Arthur so he knows who you are. Tomorrow morning, an hour after dawn, come to the king's chambers and I will instruct you on your daily duties."

"I'll be there," the stable hand promised.

Merlin simply nodded and made his way back to the castle. As he walked, he wondered what Arthur would have to say when he learned about Merlin's encounter with Rowan.

.~.

Arthur had had a long, draining day. The paperwork had been ghastly. He hadn't realized how many transactions required the king's signature. It took some time to actually peruse them all – he didn't want to sign off on something that he didn't approve. One of these requests was to banish the assassin that had harmed Merlin. Arthur did not sign off on that – he still wasn't sure what to do with the prisoner, but he definitely did not want to simply banish him. He'd also had meetings with several noblemen, one of which was to settle a petty squabble. To top it off, he still had his regular training with the knights.

He finally shook off some well-wishers and made it back to his room. The only things Arthur wanted to do was to eat, take a hot bath, and go straight to sleep. But Merlin hadn't come back from his lesson with Morgana, so he had to eat alone.

This was mildly disappointing, but he took this opportunity to read a bit of his mother's diary in private. Arthur was very interested to know his mother's innermost thoughts – it was almost like having a piece of her. He flipped to the first page. It had 'property of Ygraine du Bois' in the upper right hand corner on the back of the cover. Arthur took a bite of bread as he settled in to read the first entry.

_My name is Ygraine du Bois. This should be obvious as my name is written in the corner of the book. I don't know why I bothered writing that._

Arthur chuckled at that. His mother seemed to have a sense of humor that was similar to his own. He read on.

_I'll start again. I'm the eldest princess of a ruling dynasty that dates back over three hundred years. I have only a month of freedom left before I'm married off to a king named Uther Pendragon. He rules the kingdom of Camelot. I've been told that he had dark hair, grey eyes, and a stern disposition. He's also ten years older than me. We'll probably have nothing in common. Apparently he loves hunting, and I can't stand to watch a helpless creature be killed for sport._

Arthur, who loved to hunt, felt a small flash of guilt but he quickly pushed it aside. This was also Merlin's opinion of hunting. Merlin had never held it against him, as long as Arthur never dragged him on hunts again, which he hadn't. He hoped that had his mother lived, they could have come to a similar agreement. He continued on.

_I've always known that when I reached maturity, I would be married to a prince or king that would help unite my land with that of another kingdom. I will do my duty without complaint, but sometimes I dream of what my life would be like if I had the choice to marry whomever I wished. I would prefer to wait a few more years before marrying and giving up my rights to a man. Also, if I was lucky enough to find it, I would want to marry for love. I doubt this will happen now._

Arthur frowned. He glanced over at the painting of his parents. His mother was staring at Uther with absolute adoration. Had she truly felt this way? Arthur knew it was possible that she was only drawn that way because the artist was instructed to do so. He kept reading.

_I wonder if I will like living in Camelot. Supposedly it is not much different from my own home. I am certain that I will miss my family terribly. I wonder if Uther would allow them to visit on occasion? I would be much more agreeable towards him if he did. I can't imagine Uther being my only family, save for my ladies maid I'm allowed to bring with me. What if he's too formal? I'm happy to follow the traditional customs while I'm in public, but when we are in private I would hope that we could talk like equals. I know this is more than likely too much to ask. I'm well aware that a wife is supposed to be subservient to her husband, and put his needs above her own. But I still wish that once Uther gets to know me, he will appreciate my council. It is a foolish wish, but yet it remains. _

_I know I should not write of such things, but no one will be reading this besides me, as I carefully keep it hidden. I cannot help but dread the wedding night. My ladies in waiting have told me stories of their first times. They say it hurts. I wonder if he'll be gentle? I have these romantic notions that when a husband and wife come together it will be the most glorious feeling I've ever known. But I just can't imagine this happening with a man I barely know. Whatever happens, I will bear it. I only hope that I become pregnant quickly so he won't have to touch me after that._

Arthur stopped reading, as it was the end of the first entry. He felt slightly sick. He'd never thought of his mother being practically forced into marrying his father before. Knowing that their marriage had been arranged and reading his mother's thoughts on the subject were two very different things.

Thankfully, Merlin decided to show up right at this moment.

"Oh good, you're back," said Arthur. "Rowan brought us dinner," he said, indicating the two plates.

"So you've met him then," said Merlin, sliding into his chair next to Arthur.

"Yes. Only briefly. He seemed to be nervous, but that's normal behavior for new servants when they meet royalty. What?" Arthur asked, as Merlin's expression turned to one of distaste.

"When I told him about us, he didn't approve."

"That's not surprising," said Arthur, only mildly disappointed at the news. "How did you convince him to take the job?"

Merlin told him all that they'd discussed. "I hope he keeps his mouth shut about us," said Merlin. "I know you originally wanted it to be known that I share your bed, but with the upcoming wedding…"

"I wish it didn't have to be this way," said Arthur. "I want the whole world to know that you're mine. But I don't know if that can ever be. Even after my heir is conceived – I just don't know."

"We don't need to decide anything now," said Merlin.

Not wanting to dwell on their uncertain future, Arthur was ready to talk about something else. "I read the first chapter of my mother's diary today."

"How was it?"

"Intriguing. She's a good writer. It was also a little sad – she wasn't looking forward to marrying someone that she didn't know. Surely they had at least a few weeks to court before my father married her."

"Perhaps that is in the next entry," said Merlin.

"Perhaps," Arthur echoed. "I did enjoy taking a peek into her life and her thoughts. It made me realize that whomever I marry will probably have the same fears. I'll do my best to alleviate them, but I don't know what to tell them about you. I'm sure they wouldn't like knowing that my heart belongs to another. If I do tell them I'll be considered unfaithful, if I don't, I'll be dishonest _and_ unfaithful. Either way, I lose."

"Maybe you'll find someone who is already in love with someone else, and they're only marrying you because they have to," Merlin considered. "Or you could possibly find someone who is only interested in sharing your bed to produce an heir, and then only wishes to be friends."

"Maybe," said Arthur, brightening a bit. "There are bound to be many candidates that come to Camelot seeking my hand in marriage. All we need is inside information to see if any of the women fit those descriptions."

"I have a network of servants at my disposal that are quite good at spying – not that I know from experience," said Merlin.

"Of course not," Arthur snorted. There had been a few times that Merlin had needed to spy on Arthur, and he'd managed to botch them up with his clumsiness.

"I'm sure they will find out the information we need," Merlin soothed. "We _will_ find a way to be together, Arthur."

"I hope so," said Arthur. "I don't want to ever have to give you up."

"Me either."

They were quiet for a moment. Each were fearing a situation where they would never get to be together. But it did no good to dwell on such thoughts.

"So, your school of magic," the king began. "Have you thought about how you are going to organize that? What can I do to help?"

"I was hoping you'd issue a proclamation inviting all the people with magic to the courtyard on a certain date and time," said Merlin. "Then Morgana and I would determine if the people had the gift or if they just fancied themselves a magic user. Those who could prove they were magical could sign a list of names, dedicating themselves to the study of magic for the good of all."

"That sounds like a logical first step," said Arthur. "You know, I would love it if eventually we had a small army of magic users to fight alongside the knights."

"Not all of them may wish to fight," Merlin cautioned. "Especially if they are the sole provider for their family. However, I'm sure we will find some people who will."

"I'm so proud of you for doing this," said Arthur.

"Thanks. It feels right, like this is what I'm supposed to be doing."

"And I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. It must be destiny," teased Arthur.

"Yes," Merlin said seriously. "And we were destined to be together. I pity any enemy that tries to cross us."

Little did Merlin know that his and Arthur's resolve were going to be tested, and soon.

.~.

End Chapter 11

A/N: Reviews are great! Constructive crit is welcomed and valued!


	12. Responsibilities

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. Thanks to all my great reviewers – I love you all.

Chapter 12: Responsibilities

.~.

The next day, as promised, Arthur issued a proclamation to the public. It stated that any person wishing to try out for the school of magic must be present on the next Sunday, which was a week away. This was long enough to give people from the outlying villages time to come to Camelot to be tested should they wish to do so. The proclamation stated that Merlin and Morgana would meet the magical hopefuls on the knights' training field at sunrise, and begin the registration and testing.

Merlin couldn't stop talking about the potential of the school to anyone who would listen, namely Arthur. The king was happy that Merlin was so excited, but did he really have to talk about it every second of the day?

Arthur had his own worries. Camelot was about to be overrun with a barrage of visitors. Not only the magical hopefuls, but many eligible noblewomen would be coming to stay at the castle to compete for Arthur's hand in marriage. Arthur made Merlin promise to play manservant for him when he had to take a lady out to the forest for an outing to get to know her. Then, that night they would decide if said woman would make queen material.

The week went by quickly. Ironically, as the countdown to the king's marriage began, Arthur and Merlin's relationship grew deeper each day. Although they didn't have as much time to spend together as before Arthur became king, they enjoyed their stolen moments during the day and spending their nights together. After Arthur fell asleep, Merlin slept in Ygraine's room, which had been thoroughly cleaned. Her personal objects remained, however. Arthur couldn't part with them just yet, and Merlin was happy to let them stay.

The only real downside to the week was talk of the sorcerer who currently resided in the castle's filthiest jail cell.

Arthur agonized over how he should have the sorcerer killed. It had been established by the council that any attack on the king, magical or otherwise, would be considered treason and that the penalty was death. But Arthur didn't want to remind his people of the executions of people caught using magic when Uther was king. He really wanted to distance himself from the image of a terror-inducing tyrant.

"What am I going to do?" He asked Merlin one day while they were taking breakfast in their chambers. "I have to kill him. I can't let him go – if I do, he'll just come back more powerful than before."

"You _must_ kill him," said Merlin. "You have set a precedent that anyone who tries to kill the king must themselves be killed. You don't have a choice, Arthur."

"You just want him killed because he tried to hurt me," said Arthur.

"That too," Merlin said darkly.

"I hate this," Arthur said bitterly. "I'm condemning this man to death. Yes, he broke the law but I feel like it's not my life to take."

"How is this any different from the lives you've taken in battle or on patrol?" Merlin wondered.

"I don't know!" Arthur said, frustrated. "It just is. Maybe because it's the first life I'm officially taking as the king."

"That must be it," said Merlin. "Arthur, you can't blame yourself."

"How can I not blame myself?" Arthur cried. "I'm the one who will be giving the order! I don't want to kill him. You've taught me that all life is precious."

"If you let him go, he will kill again," said Merlin. "He might try to kill you, or me, or one of your subjects. You're doing us all a favor by ending his life."

"I suppose." Arthur had to admit, what Merlin said did make logical sense. He did have a responsibility to keep his people safe, especially from someone that they could not defend themselves from. The sorcerer had dug his own grave. All Arthur was doing was carrying out the sentence, as any king was required to do.

"If I have to do it, I don't want to make a spectacle out of it," said Arthur. "You remember when I told you how much I was affected by watching an execution when I was five? It was awful! I'd never been so scared, and so horrified that one person could do that to another."

"Why don't you execute him just before dawn?" Merlin suggested. "You and I are the only ones who have to be present, along with the executioner and the guards that escort him from his cell. No one else has to know about it."

"Word would spread that the evil sorcerer had been executed but the people wouldn't get the chance to watch it. It's a good idea," Arthur mused.

"Then the people would_ know_ that you wished to do things differently than your father," added Merlin. "A public execution is often used to strike fear into the hearts of the people – that if they step out of line, they could be next to lose their heads. A private execution is much more civilized, for the prisoner and for the would-be audience. There is no reason why the people should have to watch the actual killing, other than it is tradition."

"That is one tradition that we certainly don't need to continue," said Arthur.

Merlin kissed him in response and Arthur put the matter out of his mind until the day arrived.

.~.

The execution happened just like Merlin and Arthur planned. The only difference was that Morgana was present, ready to add any magical protection in case the assassin tried to break free. But he didn't – he wasn't a fool to try anything under the watch of Merlin _and_ Morgana. His hands bound, the prisoner walked towards the gallows.

"Any last words?" The executioner asked.

"Arthur Pendragon," the sorcerer snarled, deliberately leaving the 'king' out. "You and your weakling court sorcerer should enjoy the time you have left. I was just the beginning. He's coming for you, and not even a whole army of wizards could stop him. The sorcerer spat in Arthur's general direction as he was forced to kneel down on the block.

"You don't scare me," Arthur said softly, and gave the order to kill.

They heard the swing of the blade, and it was done. The executioner and the guards quickly removed the head and the body.

"I wonder what he meant by that?" Morgana wondered.

Merlin shivered, despite the warm temperature. "I hope we never have to find out."

"There's one thing I don't understand," said Arthur. "If the witchfinder is behind this, how could he be so powerful that not even an army of magical users could stop him? The witchfinder usually works alone, and his motivation is the money that he gets from delivering magical users to buyers. It doesn't make sense."

"Maybe the prisoner was just making things up?" Morgana suggested.

"Or maybe he was telling the truth," Merlin worried. "If the witchfinder has stumbled on some sort of dark magic, it is theoretically possible that he could use it to bring down an army, even a magical one."

"Dark magic?" Arthur frowned. "I've heard of it, but I'm not quite sure what it is."

"Enchanting dark creatures to kill, necromancy, mental torture, possession of one's soul – these are just some of the things that can be done with dark magic." Merlin gulped, not liking even talking about it. "Truly awful things."

"But you're powerful enough to stop such magic. Right, Merlin?" Morgana asked.

Merlin didn't answer.

"Merlin?" Morgana pressed, sounding scared.

"I don't know," Merlin whispered. "I couldn't even stop the assassin from attacking me."

"If I hadn't been distracting you, you could've," said Arthur.

"That's just the point, though." Merlin sighed. "The enemy – they must know by now that I shielded you before I could protect myself. That's common knowledge now."

"You said you wouldn't do that anymore," Arthur reminded him with a glare. "You promised me."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "I _know_, you prat. The issue is that by now the enemy already knows that you're my weakness. Of course everyone knows that my official job is to protect the king, but that I would sacrifice my life for yours is rather telling. It's more than a part of a job or an obligation out of duty. They know that I care for you enough to die for you."

Arthur had nothing to say to that. It was true. He was Merlin's only weakness. Even the people who didn't know about the intimate nature of their relationship knew that Arthur and Merlin were extremely close friends.

"You won't have to face such a man alone next time," said Morgana. "I'll be there, as will Rowan and Caelia. And those who sign up for our school of magic. The sheer numbers alone - our enemy wouldn't dare…"

"What if they bring us down from the inside?" Merlin suggested. "Target each magical user one by one. Pick us off until only a few strong ones are left? Then make a go for it?"

"Whatever happened to your usual optimism?" Arthur said, trying to lighten the mood. "Why would you even say that? _Mer_lin?"

"Because that's what I would do if I were him," Merlin ground out. He strode away, his jaw clenched.

Morgana started to go after him, but Arthur grabbed her arm. "Let him go," said Arthur. "He needs a little time to process all of this. This is all theoretical to us, but to Merlin, the threat to Camelot is very real."

"You mean the threat to you," Morgana corrected.

"Yes." Arthur sighed. "He's right – I'm his weakness. Anyone who's heard the story of what happened will know that Merlin would give his life for mine."

"That's obvious from the way he looks at you," said Morgana.

"And to the people, it is obvious that I value him, as I appointed him Court Sorcerer." Arthur pursed his lips. "There's nothing I can do to change that now. We'll just have to be extra careful."

Morgana laid a comforting arm on Arthur's shoulder as they watched Merlin leave.

The newly proclaimed Court Sorcerer returned to the castle about an hour later but he acted rather subdued for the rest of the day.

.~.

_The next morning_

It was the rare occasion that Arthur woke before Merlin, thanks to a well-placed sun beam through his window. Arthur decided to savor it. He crept into Ygraine's old room, and stared at the welcome sight of Merlin fast asleep in the bed. It was his turn to disrupt Merlin's sleep for a change.

"Today's the day, Merlin! Up and at 'em!" Arthur yanked the covers off his lover, leaving Merlin freezing and cranky.

"Arthur!" Merlin moaned, keeping his eyes tightly shut. "WHY? That was completely brutal. Couldn't you just have awakened me with a kiss or something?"

"Now why would I do that?" Arthur smirked at a shivering Merlin. It was payback for all the times that Merlin had abruptly woken him when he'd been a servant. "My Court Sorcerer needs to be on his toes today. We need trained magical users, and soon," Arthur reminded him. "You're _finally_ testing the people today. At least then we'll have a rough idea of how many people have the magical gift and want to learn to use it."

"Alright, I'm up." Merlin rubbed his eyes and slid out of bed, glaring at Arthur.

"Here are your clothes." Arthur tossed them to his sorcerer.

"Isn't this a switch." Merlin chuckled as his shimmied out of his sleep clothes and into his tunic and breeches. Of course his outfit was not complete without his neckerchief. "Where's breakfast?"

"It's here in my room. But first, I wanted to talk to you about something."

Merlin was immediately on his guard. Arthur sounded serious. "What's that?"

"It's about dark magic. Look, I'm sorry I asked about it yesterday." Arthur came up behind Merlin and wrapped his arms around him. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"You need to know what could happen," said Merlin. His shoulders began to shake, and he choked back a sob. "I don't know if I would- if I-I had to prevent your death, if I would…"

"If you would use dark magic?" Arthur finished.

Merlin nodded miserably. He turned around to face Arthur. "I've never tried to use it – I've never wanted to. Gaius made me promise not to, and I was happy to obey him. He said only evil would come to those who used it. But if you were in danger... I don't know. I would definitely be tempted."

Arthur shook his head. "I wouldn't want you to use dark magic for my sake. Who knows what the after-effects would be on you?"

"I know," Merlin whispered. "I just don't know what would happen to me if I lost you. What if I just lost it? Like Uther did when your mum was killed?"

"You're nothing like my father!" Arthur insisted.

"You don't know that!" Merlin cried. "Your father was an honorable man, a just and fair king until the day that he lost the woman that he loved. Then, he snapped. That could happen to me if you died."

"Merlin, I know you," Arthur soothed. "You're a good person and you value all life. You wouldn't go down that path. If I was killed, you would grieve but you would not give in to evil and hatred. You would do your duty to keep Camelot safe. Just like I would do if you were killed."

"I can't lose you, Arthur," Merlin said, sounding broken. He sought refuge in Arthur's arms. "I can't."

"Merlin, you can't let the assassin win. He was only trying to scare us."

"Well it worked," Merlin pulled away and glared at Arthur.

"We can't live like that, always looking over our shoulder to see when the next threat is coming. All we can do is live the best lives that we can, and enjoy what time we do have together." Arthur caressed his cheek and Merlin leaned into the touch. He brought their foreheads to rest against each other. They stayed that way for a few minutes, reveling in the closeness and listening to each other breathe.

"You're right," Merlin sighed as he straightened up. "I'm being stupid."

"No, you aren't. You have every right to be cautious," said Arthur. Merlin tried to protest, but the king cut him off. "I'm not dismissing the threat. I just don't think we need to worry about it right now."

"Easy for you to say," Merlin shot back.

"Perhaps we could assign a few magical users to guard duty," Arthur suggested. "That way, if we were distracted, we'd at least have a little warning."

"Alright," said Merlin. He didn't really believe it would help them - he just wanted to placate Arthur.

"Come get your breakfast – you must be hungry." After Merlin walked into the king's chambers, Arthur handed him the food filled plate. He watched as Merlin ate slowly, eager to change the subject to something not quite so morbid.

"My first suitor is arriving today," Arthur complained. "Her name is Vivian. I have to show her around. But I'm not going anywhere with her alone until you get back."

"I don't know how long it's going to take me to administer the test to everyone," Merlin cautioned. "You may have to go on without me."

"_Mer_lin!"

"You appointed me Court Sorcerer, remember? That's my first obligation, to administer the magical tests."

"I know." Arthur pouted, which Merlin did not find adorable. "Couldn't you just let Morgana take over near the end? Then you could come be with me."

"We'll see," said Merlin. Then he chuckled. "Good lord, Arthur! You sound so nervous! It's like you've never gone on an outing with a girl before."

"Girls confuse me. I always did prefer your company, even if I said otherwise," Arthur grumbled.

This statement buoyed Merlin's spirits all the way to the courtyard.

.~.

End Chapter 12

A/N: It's not super long, but I wanted to give you guys something. The next part should be a laugh, with Arthur going on a 'date' with Lady Vivian and Merlin pretending to be a servant. Look for that soon!


	13. Flirting With Disaster

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. I know the last chapter wasn't the most exciting but it was necessary. Hopefully you'll find the Vivian parts funny. I know she is really one-dimensional but she was that way on the show, so I'm sticking to that. When Arthur meets other princesses, their characters will be more fleshed out.

.~.

Chapter 13: Flirting With Disaster

.~.

Merlin was exhausted. The magical testing had taken longer than he expected, even with Morgana's help. He decided that the simplest way to test each person was to ask them to demonstrate their magic. Some people could move small objects. Others could make fire or, in one woman's case, water. A few people made things explode. Rowan, Arthur's new servant, was one of these people. Merlin told each person that their gift was unique and that they would have a place in his school.

However, every now and again he'd meet someone who would swear that they could do magic but they couldn't do it at will. Merlin had to press them about what the conditions were for them to do magic. Several people had to be angry in order to do it. Others had to be sad. One memorable man couldn't do magic until someone made him laugh.

Then there were a few people that couldn't manage to work their magic at all. One confessed not to being magical – he had just wanted to watch all the goings on. Merlin quickly sent him away, mildly annoyed that he'd wasted their time. The others insisted that they could do magic, but they just couldn't show it for some reason. Merlin kindly offered to let them come back in a few days to try again. He was just finishing up with the last person when his stomach started to growl. It was past dinner time.

He headed back to the castle, ready to find Arthur and eat their breakfast in the privacy of the king's chambers. Just as he started to climb one of the staircases, a servant cornered him.

"Lord Merlin! I have been sent to find you and give you a message. The king requests that you dine with him and his guest in the throne room."

Merlin inwardly groaned. He had forgotten that Arthur would be playing host to one of the ladies that was after his hand. All he wanted was some time alone with Arthur – just the two of them, where they could follow their very domestic nightly routine. They would eat, ask how each other's day went, get ready for bed and end up cuddled together in Arthur's bed. But no… not anymore.

The young warlock had known this was going to happen. Arthur had agreed to get married soon, therefore he was going to be meeting quite a lot of women before he decided on a wife and future queen. (Well, technically Arthur had said that he _and Merlin_ were going to be deciding.) That part made Merlin feel a little bit better – at least he'd have a say in who Arthur picked.

However, Merlin had been putting this truth out of his mind, determined to enjoy his remaining time with Arthur. Being confronted with the harsh reality was rather jarring, and it really slashed his spirits to bits. He didn't want to share his Arthur with _anyone_! But he didn't have a choice. This was Arthur's destiny, to marry and have an heir to continue the Pendragon lineage, eventually uniting the lands of Albion. As Merlin was supposed to ensure that Arthur's destiny came to pass, he couldn't very well stand in the way. But that didn't mean he'd have to like it, or that he'd be able to stop pining for Arthur once they ceased their romantic relationship. He wondered if Arthur would pine for him after he got married. Probably not for long – he'd be too busy running the kingdom and building a life with his new wife.

Merlin made his way to the throne room, pushing such negative thoughts from his mind. He hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, so he was understandably starving and a little cranky. When he strode through the doors and saw a blonde woman from afar sitting next to Arthur, and his protective instincts instantly surfaced. He quickly dismissed them – the woman was no true threat to him. Perhaps she would be nice and not too irritating. There was nothing that annoyed him more than a simpering female hanging on Arthur's every word. Unfortunately, this was not the case.

"Lady Vivian, this is Merlin, my Court Sorcerer and servant," Arthur introduced them as Merlin approached the table. Merlin tried to take pleasure in the "_my _court sorcerer" knowing that what Arthur really meant was that Merlin was his. But they both had to play along, so Merlin gave no indication that Arthur had said anything out of the ordinary.

"Oh, hello," said Vivian, tossing her perfect hair and looking at Arthur with a flirty smile before she took a dainty bite. "Mmm, Arthur, the chicken is simply divine." She barely gave Merlin a second look.

"Pleased to meet you," Merlin said politely even though he was anything but. This blonde princess screamed spoiled, stuck-up bitch. She _definitely_ wasn't future queen material. Not that Merlin was trying to make any judgments. Not at all. Of course Merlin was afraid they wouldn't find _anyone_ who was future queen material. Perhaps he shouldn't be so picky. It was a strange business, choosing a wife for Arthur.

"I promised Vivian that we would ride out to see the sunset," said Arthur. "_You_ will be bringing us dessert." Merlin hadn't heard Arthur sound so uppity since before Uther's death. He knew it was all an act, but still – it hurt a little.

"Yes, Sire," said Merlin, with only a trace of sarcasm in his voice. It was enough for only Arthur to detect, which was Merlin's intention. He found a plate of untouched food and slunk off to the other side of the table. There was an empty place for him next to Arthur, but he didn't think he could stomach watching Lady Vivian hang all over Arthur for the entire meal. So he simply ate, and didn't look at them.

Once he finished eating, Merlin went to pack up wine and dessert for Arthur and Lady Vivian, which happened to be cherry pie and one of his favorites. True, he was back to playing the clumsy manservant, but at Arthur's request. It was the perfect role for him to play while he watched Lady Vivian interact with Arthur. Once they returned to the castle, they would part ways with the woman and they would decide if she had what it takes to become Arthur's wife. Merlin rather hoped it would be a short conversation, where he could quickly change the subject to more interesting things.

He found Arthur and Vivian were waiting for him at the stables. Merlin was given his own horse while Vivian got to ride with Arthur. Merlin tried not to focus on the fact that Arthur's arms were curled around Vivian's fragile body as they rode out. He followed them to a clearing in the woods where Arthur liked to go to have picnics. Merlin had to remind himself not to make eye contact with Arthur for long because that would just be torture, knowing that Arthur had to pay more attention to the lady than him.

While Arthur and Vivian sat and watched the sunset, Merlin unpacked the blanket, plates, napkins, goblets, utensils, the wine and the dessert. He took a generous helping of pie for himself, made himself comfortable, and slowly began to eat. He saw that Arthur's arm was around Vivian, and he quickly looked away. This was harder to stomach than he'd originally thought. The thought of Arthur with someone else was truly terrifying. Merlin didn't understand it – he knew logically that this woman wasn't a threat. She obviously wouldn't make the cut. But it still bothered him to see Arthur so close to this woman.

"What's _he_ doing here?" Vivian asked as they returned to the clearing.

"Oh, don't mind Merlin," said Arthur. "Just pretend he's not there – that's what I do sometimes."

Merlin couldn't help it – he looked at Arthur, who had a teasing glint in his eye. It was meant for Merlin, and not the beautiful woman next to him. Suddenly the young warlock felt loads better about this situation. At least Arthur was acknowledging him and trying to put a humorous spin on things. Merlin reminded himself that this situation wasn't much fun for Arthur, either, and that he was probably just as annoyed with Vivian's antics.

Vivian frowned. "Why is he eating our dessert?"

Arthur shrugged. "I've caught him stealing food before, so I just give him whatever he wants. It's simpler that way."

"Oh," said Vivian. "Well, whatever you think is best. My father says that servants can't always take care of themselves – they need the nobility to guide them." She smiled prettily at Arthur, who did not return her smile. He was less than impressed with her snide comment about servants, as she was including his Merlin. Arthur wondered what would happen to Vivian if he announced that he was courting Merlin. She'd probably faint of shock.

Merlin shook his head at the thoughtless comment, picturing in his head how Vivian would fare if she had to spend a day in the life of a servant. He doubted she'd last an hour.

"So, Vivian – what do you like to do for fun?" Arthur asked as they tucked in to their wine and pie. The young king put forth the effort in trying to engage her in conversation. He wanted her to tell her father that he was attentive and a perfect gentleman. Arthur did not wish to offend Vivian's father via his daughter, as their lands were allied in a peace treaty.

She simpered, "Besides go on outings with handsome princes?"

Merlin was happy to note that Arthur gave her a smile that came out as sort of a grimace. "Yes, besides that."

"Oh, I don't know," said Vivian. She sighed coyly at him and scooted closer to Arthur. "It doesn't matter what I do as long as I enjoy the company."

Arthur gulped nervously, not liking the signals he was getting from her. He was obviously being seduced, and it was making him quite uncomfortable. Merlin almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

Arthur scooted a little ways away from her so they weren't so close in proximity and continued with his onslaught of questions.

"Do you like to read?"

She made an icky face. "Not unless I have to."

"Do you like to hunt?"

"No – I don't like to dirty my dresses."

"Do you play an instrument?"

"No – I never had the discipline for it."

"Really? I never would've guessed that," said Arthur, sneaking an amused glance towards Merlin, who hid a smile.

"What do you like to do?" Vivian asked, turning the conversation around.

"Merlin," Arthur answered instantly.

"Pardon me?" Vivian asked, confused.

Arthur cleared his throat. "Merlin, will you bring me some wine?"

Merlin coughed to keep from laughing. "Yes, Sire." He refilled Arthur's cup and topped off Vivian's just for good measure. He couldn't believe Arthur had had the nerve to say that!

Arthur smiled happily at Vivian. It was the best that he'd felt all night. He was sure that his clever innuendo had gone right over Vivian's empty head, and he had been right.

"You never answered my question," said the princess, looking quite put out.

"Yes I did," Arthur said with a straight face.

"No, you called for your servant over."

"Ah. Right. What do I like to do. Hmm. Let's see, I like to hunt and read and practice swordplay," Arthur said truthfully. "But I don't have much time for such things with the responsibilities of running a kingdom."

"That sounds downright dull," said Vivian.

"It's a little boring at times," Arthur admitted. "But it's necessary work. I want my subjects to be safe and cared for. I want to keep us out of war. The welfare of my people, especially my friends - those things are very important to me."

"Of course," said Vivian. "I'm sure you're a simply _wonderful_ king."

"Some people think so," Arthur said diplomatically. "Well, this has been a lovely evening but it is time to return to the castle."

"So soon?" Vivian pouted.

"It is getting dark, and I don't want to risk your safety riding back without much light," said Arthur.

"You are so gallant," Vivian gushed as Arthur politely kissed her hand.

"Thank you," said Arthur as he helped her up on to his horse. "Merlin, we're leaving. Oh, Vivian, look over there!"

While Arthur was distracting the lady, Merlin used his magic to pack up their things in a few seconds. He assumed Arthur didn't want Vivian to see just how powerful Merlin was. That was fine with him. He'd rather not have to answer any questions that she may have about having magical powers.

"What? I didn't see anything."

"Oh." Arthur shrugged as he climbed on the horse behind her. "Thought I saw a deer."

Merlin quickly mounted his horse and they rode back through the forest to the castle. Arthur managed to shake off Vivian by pretending to be exhausted from his busy day. He and Merlin retired to the safety of his chambers.

"What the hell, Merlin – you completely ditched me during dinner!" Arthur complained after Merlin locked the doors behind them. "I was stuck entertaining Vivian by _myself _for the duration of the meal."

"I didn't like the way she was touching you," said Merlin, feeling incredibly stupid for saying such a thing.

"_Really_, Merlin?" Arthur shook his head. "I never expected you to be one for jealousy. I suppose you just want me all to yourself."

"Oh, shut up," Merlin muttered.

It's not like I _enjoyed_ it!" Arthur insisted. "But I have to do this, go through this search for a wife."

"I know you do," Merlin said quietly. "I just didn't realize I was going to hate it so much."

"Come here."

They snuggled up together on the bed, with Arthur putting his arm around Merlin and holding him close. He inhaled Arthur's musky natural scent and his brain was wiped blissfully blank. Arthur was so _attractive_ to him, even his scent after riding out in the forest was attractive.

"What's really going on with you?" Arthur asked.

"I don't want to think about giving you up to some woman you barely know," Merlin confessed.

"Merlin, we can still be together after I'm married."

They hadn't really discussed this. They'd made some allusions, but nothing concrete had ever been said. Apparently they were about to now.

"How?" Merlin cried. "In secret? You sneaking off to be with me for an hour every few days? Deceiving your wife? Breaking your vows?"

"If we had to, yes. I want to be with you, Merlin."

"I won't do it," Merlin said stubbornly. "We'd eventually be discovered, and there'd be a huge scandal. I couldn't bring that down on Camelot. Could you, Arthur?"

The king didn't reply. "We might still find a woman who would just want to be friends with me after we have an heir, and take up with someone else. Then we could be together as much as we wanted."

"Like that's going to happen!" Merlin scoffed. "One night with you, Arthur, and they'll never want anyone else. Trust me on that."

"That isn't my fault." Arthur looked hurt.

"That you're good at everything you try, you're ridiculously good-looking, irresistible, and completely addicting? No, I suppose not," Merlin sighed.

"I don't want to lose you, Merlin."

"I'll always be with you, Arthur," Merlin promised. "You know that."

"That's not what I mean and you know it. Don't be obtuse, _Mer_lin." Arthur glared at him. "It doesn't suit you."

"Arthur, I'm tired. Couldn't we talk about this later?" Merlin pleaded.

But Arthur didn't take the bait. "It wouldn't be enough, to go back to just being friends again. After what we've had- I couldn't give that up. I would be miserable all the time. I'd have Merlin withdrawals."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Very funny."

"I'm being perfectly serious."

"What are we going to do, Arthur?" Merlin sounded despondent. "I don't see any way that we could be together after your marriage."

"Face it, Merlin - we're royally screwed." Arthur felt just as miserable as Merlin. It was rotten luck that soon after they'd admitted their feelings they were destined to be torn apart by duty.

Merlin had nothing to say positive to say to that. It seemed that the future of their relationship was looking quite bleak. It wasn't fair! If only others could see how much Merlin loved Arthur, and vice versa. If they left their biases behind, they might understand. Merlin knew that was too much to ask.

"However, instead of dwelling on the future, let's just make good use of the time that we do have left together," said Arthur. "Can you do that?"

"I don't know."

"Please? For me?"

"I can try," Merlin muttered. What Arthur said made sense. It was just going to be difficult for Merlin not to think about their uncertain future.

"Good." Arthur gave him a soft kiss on his temple before announcing, "By the way, we're having dinner with Gwen and Lancelot tomorrow night at Gwen's house."

"Really? We've never had dinner with another couple who knows about us before," said Merlin, instantly cheered by the prospect. "Sounds like fun. Did you plan this?"

"Gwen did," Arthur admitted. "She said she wanted to give us a chance to all be together and not have to worry about putting on airs."

"That sounds lovely," Merlin sighed. "I haven't had much free time to spend with Gwen lately."

"Nor I with Lancelot, save for training," Arthur added. "It will be good for us to put our responsibilities aside for a few hours."

"Do we need to bring anything?" Merlin asked.

"Gwen did say if you wanted to come down while she's making the dinner and help out with your magic, she would really appreciate it."

"I can do that!" Merlin said eagerly. "I've never used my magic to help with cooking, but I imagine I'll be able to really speed things up."

"Excellent!" Arthur grinned at him. "I will join you three for dinner as soon as I'm finished with my last meeting tomorrow."

"It's a date," said Merlin. He and Arthur simply gazed at each other for a few moments before things began to heat up.

It was a rare night when Merlin fell asleep before Arthur. Since it wouldn't do for Merlin to be found in his bed, the young king carried his sorcerer into his mother's old chambers and gently set him on the bed. Arthur smoothed back Merlin's bangs, and watched his chest rise and fall. How he wished he could stay with Merlin forever. It was really going to be difficult to stay away from Merlin once he got married.

Swallowing hard, he made himself walk away from Merlin and back into his chamber.

Arthur returned to his bed and reached for his mother's diary. He'd been so busy he hadn't had a chance to read the second entry. No matter – he would read by candlelight until he fell asleep. The entry began with Ygraine's account of her first meeting with Uther.

_Today is the day that I meet the man that is to be my husband. I prayed that he wouldn't be the stern, egotistical man that I'd heard rumors about. Unfortunately, the rumors were proved to be true._

.~.

End Chapter 13

.~.

A/N: Do you like more updates and smaller chapters? I think that's how I want to do it for awhile. Questions, comments, concerns? Let me know. Reviews are great!


	14. A Date With Destiny

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. Here we have another diary entry from Ygraine, and Merlin and Arthur's double date with Gwen and Lance. I wanted some levity in this chapter because things are going to turn a little dark later on in the story. I hope you enjoy it!

.~.

Chapter 14: A Date With Destiny

.~.

In hopes to read himself to sleep, Arthur immersed himself in his mother's diary. He read the second entry, which outlined the first meeting between his mother and father. Ygraine had been in route to Camelot and had stopped to watch a competition between the knights. Unbeknownst to her, Uther was one of them.

_Diary Entry Two _

_This is Ygraine, continuing to chronicle the major events in my life. My guards, my ladies maid Hannah, and I were riding in the forest on our way to Camelot. We had almost reached the castle when we came across a clearing where a competition was being held between twenty or so men. My head guardsmen informed me that it was the knights of Camelot, who had been training hard for this day. I was intrigued, so my party pulled off the side of the road to watch. _

_The first event was a foot race, to determine who was the fastest at short distances. When the signal was given, the men took off. One man broke free of the pack to take the lead and easily win the race. However, I'd seen him deliberately shove another man out of the way at the beginning of the race. That man was groaning in pain on the ground, clutching his left leg. Immediately, I reacted. I jumped off my horse and ran to the injured man, ignoring the shouts of protest from my guards. I asked the man if he could try to stand with my help, and he said that he would try. I helped him up, and he leaned on me and my head guardsman, who had come to aid me. We got him on to one of our horses, and I had one of my guards take him to Camelot for treatment._

Arthur was pleased to read about his mother's caring personality. That she would risk ridicule for intervening in a situation when a woman was not supposed to spoke volumes to him. He read on.

_By that time, the fatigued racers had returned to the starting line. The winner swaggered over to where my party was stopped, presumably to brag about his win. I frowned and went to go talk to him and give him a piece of my mind. When I got closer to him, I couldn't help but noticing how incredibly handsome he was. His gray eyes connected with mine and my heart skipped a beat. This attraction to him irritated me, and I pushed those feelings aside. I asked the knight why he'd shown such poor sportsmanship. He looked confused and said that there were no rules for the race. I informed him that he'd severely injured one of his fellow knights in his quest for glory. I thought I saw a worried look on his face, but perhaps I'd imagined it. Then he asked me why I bothered to get involved, stating that a woman shouldn't interfere in such matters._

_This, of course, made my blood boil. We quickly got into an argument. After we'd traded a few insults, I asked him 'who do you think you are, the king?' That was when he informed me that yes, he was the king. I'd been talking to Uther Pendragon the whole time. I'd never been so mortified in my life! He asked who I was and I told him that I was to be his future queen. He said 'not in that, you aren't' – meaning my breeches and tunic, which I had worn for travelling purposes. Then he told me that he'd have to teach me to have respect for men like him. Furious and shaking, I marched back to my horse, got on, and took off for the castle. Thankfully my horse stuck to the trail because my eyes were blurred with tears as I realized just what kind of man I was to be marrying._

Arthur stared at the page of his mother's neat script. That was the last of the second entry. Disappointment flooded through his body – he was horrified to learn how his father behaved toward his future wife. Impolite didn't even cover it. Uther had been rude, insulting, and arrogant. Although, it did take two to get an argument going. Ygraine had unknowingly insulted Uther's sense of honor, and had added a few insults of her own. They seemed quite ill-suited for each other.

There was no other way to put it - his parents had had an abysmal first encounter. Arthur wondered how in the world they ever could have fallen in love when their personalities clashed like they did. Ygraine might have felt attraction towards Uther, and perhaps Uther had felt the same about her, but that wasn't the same as love – not by a long shot. He looked over at the painting of his parents again – they were gazing at each other like they had found something precious in the other person. How could they have gone from hate to love so quickly? The painting was dated a few months after their marriage.

Arthur was not surprised when his father told his mother that he'd have to teach her some respect. It sounded like the father he knew. In fact, Uther had probably said those very words to him at one time or another. However, Uther had never insulted a woman of noble birth, not in front of Arthur anyway. He was at a loss why his father had spoken to his mother that way, especially in front of an audience. No wonder his mother had rode away crying!

"Ahem." Merlin stood in the doorway of their adjoining rooms, jolting Arthur out of his introspection.

"What are you doing up?" Arthur asked. "You were asleep just a moment ago."

"I think I heard an owl hooting," said Merlin, looking the tiniest bit afraid, like an owl was going to swoop down on his head any second now.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Camelot doesn't_ have_ owls." _You idiot_ was implied at the end of that sentence.

"Oh," said Merlin. "Then I don't know what woke me up." Then he took a closer look at his king. "What's wrong, Arthur? You look a little pale."

It was true. Most of the color had drained from the young king's face as he internalized his father's uncaring treatment of his mother.

"It's my mum's diary." Arthur rubbed his temples like he had a headache. "She and my father had an awful first meeting. I don't see how they ever fell in love. It shouldn't matter to me so much – they're both dead. But knowing that they weren't even friends - that bothers me. I always thought they at least cared for each other… I guess I was wrong."

"They must have fallen in love," Merlin insisted. "Why else would your father have ordered the purge against magic when your mum died? If he hadn't loved her, he wouldn't have been mad with grief."

"Is that supposed to be comforting?" Arthur asked. "Because you aren't doing a very good job by bringing up the purge."

Merlin sighed. There was just no pleasing Arthur sometimes. "Give it here. You might be misinterpreting something." Merlin motioned for Arthur to hand him the diary, which he did. He didn't even say anything like 'don't drop it'. This pleased Merlin very much, as it showed how much trust Arthur had in him. Before they'd admitted their feelings, it was almost a certain thing for Arthur to attach an insult to everything that he told Merlin.

Camelot's Court Sorcerer quickly read the entry. He had a wistful smile on his face as he imagined just how the events took place. He could just see Uther and Ygraine out in the forest arguing with each other, all the while being oblivious to the growing physical attraction between them.

"What? Why are you smiling?" Arthur asked.

Merlin started to chuckle as he reread the entry.

"_Mer_lin! Tell me what is so funny!" Arthur moved to grab the diary, but Merlin was too quick for him.

"I'm smiling because the way your parents acted when they first met reminds me a lot of you and me," Merlin explained, safely holding the diary just out of Arthur's reach. "Don't you remember our first meeting?"

"Like it was yesterday," Arthur admitted. "I couldn't quite understand why I felt like I was being pulled in your direction, like I already knew you even though I'd never seen you before."

"You were tormenting that poor servant and being a complete ass," Merlin said knowingly. "I stood up to you."

"And I was completely taken by surprise. No one had _ever _dared to treat me that way. You were either very brave or very stupid. Probably a combination of both." Arthur gave Merlin a fond smile. "But, back to my parents. That was a completely different set of circumstances than when I met you," Arthur reminded him. "You weren't coming to Camelot to marry me."

"Yes, but we fell in love eventually," Merlin countered. "If it could happen to us, two men who were in completely different social classes, who is to say it couldn't have happened to your parents? Perhaps they were much quicker in admitting their feelings than we were."

"That's true," Arthur considered. "I guess I'll just have to read on."

"Your mum sounds pretty brave to address a knight like that," said Merlin.

"Yes, she was," said Arthur, a tinge of sadness coloring his voice. "How I wish I could talk with her."

"I know." Merlin laid a comforting hand on Arthur's shoulder.

"What if I read that, on their wedding night, my father forced himself on her?" Arthur worried. "I could never forgive him for that."

"Arthur - you should get some sleep. Try not to get too caught up in this diary business," Merlin advised. "It happened a long time ago. What matters the most to me is that they had you."

"You're right," Arthur agreed with a yawn. Placing the book aside, he flopped back down on the bed and crawled under the covers. "Merlin?" He asked, sounding a little forlorn.

"Yes?" Merlin knew to treat Arthur's next question with care. From the tone of his voice, Merlin could tell Arthur was going to open up to him about a difficult subject.

"What was it like growing up with a mother that loved you?"

Arthur sounded so vulnerable at that moment it reminded Merlin yet again that he needed to tread carefully.

"It was wonderful," Merlin admitted, remembering his childhood in the small village of Ealdor. "She was a good cook, so I always looked forward to meal times. She let me play with Will and the other boys when we didn't have school. We would do chores together, work in the fields together, play together. I was her world. My mum always made sure that I knew that she loved me. Especially before bed. She would go through a nightly routine to help me go to sleep."

"Do you think if my mum had been alive she would have done something similar?" Arthur asked.

"I'll bet if your mum had been alive during your childhood she would have done this." Merlin carefully tucked his quilt in on all sides of the mattress, making sure that Arthur felt snug and secure. "And this." He gave Arthur a soft kiss on his forehead, carefully trailing his fingers through Arthur's blonde hair. "And she probably would have said something like this." He took Arthur's right hand in his. "Goodnight, love. Sleep well. I'll be here in the morning." He stared at Arthur like he was the most important thing to him in the world. (Which, of course, he was.)

Arthur gazed right back at Merlin with open affection until he finally came to his senses. The king of Camelot had just allowed himself to be put to bed like a child. He quickly pulled his hand away.

"Merlin, if you tell _anyone_ what just transpired…"

"You'll kill me," Merlin cut in.

"Precisely."

Merlin gave him that familiar, toothy grin that crinkled the lines by the outsides of his eyes. "I won't tell anyone that you enjoyed being tucked in, having your head scratched, and being told that you were loved."

"Dammit, Merlin!" Arthur glared at him. "That's _not_ exactly what happened."

"Sure it isn't," teased Merlin. "Don't worry. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I couldn't imagine life without having a mother. It's only natural that you would be curious, especially since we just found a whole chamber of her belongings."

"Merlin?"

"Yes?" The sorcerer winced, waiting for the inevitable insult.

"Thank you."

Merlin nodded, surprised and warmed by Arthur's response. How he wished he could just curl up next to him and sleep there for the rest of the night. But they couldn't afford the risk of being discovered, not so soon before Arthur's impending marriage. So Merlin returned to his bed in the adjoining room, and Arthur had the large bed all to himself.

Both slept fitfully and dreamed of the other.

.~.

The next day, Arthur had meetings and Merlin had a school of magic to run. They were both looking forward to having dinner that night with Gwen and Lancelot, in Lancelot's modest home. It would be the first time that they would be dining with another couple that knew that Arthur and Merlin were together.

Merlin managed to finish up at school and arrive early, to help Gwen with the dinner. He really sped things along, using his magic to warm the chicken, potatoes, and vegetables. Gwen was very impressed, especially since Merlin said he'd never used magic to cook before. To be honest, Merlin had been a little worried about it. He wasn't sure how much heat to apply to the foods, so he started off slow and gradually increased the heat. Thankfully, it had all worked out.

Soon, Arthur and Lancelot showed up and they all sat down to a warm dinner. Lancelot's house was fairly small, but they all managed to squeeze around the wooden table. Gwen and Lancelot were sitting very near each other on one side of the table, with Arthur and Merlin enjoying their close proximity on the other. The king and his warlock would brush shoulders or elbows, sharing little touches that they never had the luxury of doing in public. The conversation was familiar and easy as they all talked about their days.

Gwen had to clean one of the spare chambers in preparation for the arrival of Princess Elena. She was the next in a long slew of noblewomen who would be meeting Arthur in hopes of winning his hand in marriage. It had taken her and the other maids six hours to give the rooms a proper cleaning. It was then that Gwen realized that she shouldn't have brought that up in front of Arthur and Merlin. She apologized for bringing up such a dismal topic at the dinner table and Lancelot gracefully changed the subject.

"Arthur and I had an interesting outing on patrol today," the dark haired knight began.

"Do tell us," Gwen urged.

"We rode off to one of the villages just as a routine visit. I'd heard reports that had come from this village that these people hated the knights because, in the past, some of Uther's men had taken some of their food supply, drank their ale, and took advantage of their women." Lancelot shook his head. "If only we'd known sooner, we could have done something. The people wanted to report it, but they didn't believe that Uther would take their claims seriously."

"How awful!" Gwen exclaimed. "Those lands are under Camelot's protection. How could this happen?"

"Maybe Uther didn't know about it," Merlin suggested, but he didn't really believe that.

"Knowing my father, he probably just turned a blind eye," said Arthur, the disgust apparent in his voice. "There's no way I would ever allow that to continue to happen."

"What did you do?" Merlin asked.

"We sent Sir Gwaine in undercover while the rest of us waited outside the village boundaries," said Arthur. "Gwaine returned to us a few hours later after earning the villagers' trust from time spent in a tavern, and gave us his report. Gwaine told us that the people were willing to give the new knights a chance, especially if King Arthur was with them, as Gwaine had assured them that he was. However, many believed that King Arthur would not take the time to come to their small village." He snorted. "Just because my father never did such a thing, it's automatically assumed that I wouldn't either."

Merlin shushed him. He wanted to hear about what happened, not listen to Arthur bemoan the similarities between himself and Uther.

"Also, the villagers needed more grain to plant for the next harvest, as much of it had been stolen by bandits," Lancelot added. "But they were too proud to ask for what they needed, especially since they'd been treated so poorly in the past. It was an unexpected barrier, to be sure, but it needed to be addressed. Gwaine had to ask on their behalf."

"I can understand that," said Merlin. "Growing up poor, it was never easy asking other people for food or money. It was downright embarrassing, admitting that you couldn't take care for yourself."

"I agree," said Gwen, who like Merlin, had grown up relatively poor. "It would be difficult to go up to one of the knights, knowing that you were in the lower class and they were considered above you, and ask for food or whatever you needed."

"What did the villagers do when you and your knights showed up?" Merlin pressed.

"A few of them got to their knees when they realized who I was. Most of them just stopped what they were doing and stared at me," said Arthur. "I'll admit sometimes I do enjoy the attention, but lately it has started to get annoying. Yes, I'm the king, but really I'm just another person like them."

"Do my ears deceive me?" Lancelot teased Arthur. "Did you actually admit that you weren't special?"

"I didn't say that _exactly_," said Arthur. "Merlin – explain it to him."

"What Arthur is trying to say is that he never would have realized that those villagers are no different than him without my enlightening influence on his life." Merlin smiled happily at Arthur, who looked like he wanted to deck him.

"_Mer_lin! I do have limits. Don't take this any further," Arthur warned.

"That's not what you said last night," Merlin said slyly.

Arthur's cheeks burned. He shot Merlin a look that clearly stated 'you are so going to pay for that later'.

"So, Merlin, tell us about your school," said Lancelot, covering his amusement with a well-placed cough.

"Yes, I want to hear all about it!" Gwen chimed in, once she'd stifled her initial laugh at Merlin's clever comment. "Do you still have Morgana helping you?"

"It's going very well at the moment." Merlin beamed as he spoke about his latest accomplishment, all thoughts of teasing Arthur forgotten. "We're holding it in one of old, broken down guest houses not too far from the castle. Morgana is my apprentice and she's been invaluable to me, working with the people who need extra help. We started off with levitating small objects, but now I'm teaching them defensive spells. I feel like it's more important that they know how to protect themselves and their families using magic. It's a lot of hard work, but I feel it will be worth it in the end."

Merlin went on to brag about how well his students were picking up on how to use their magic properly. He told an amusing anecdote about Rowan, who was Arthur's new servant. The young man had thrown up a defensive shield so powerful, that when Merlin unknowingly crossed it he was repelled all the way to the back of the classroom. Poor Rowan shook in his boots, expecting to face the wrath of the most powerful sorcerer in all the land. But instead of getting angry, Merlin congratulated him on a job well done, and used Rowan's shield as an example for the rest of the class to aspire to. Rowan had relaxed after that, and Merlin noted that after that incident, his students didn't seem to fear their teacher's famed powers quite so much.

When Merlin was finished regaling them about the goings on at his school, Gwen brought out a blueberry pie. They all attacked their portions with gusto, not worrying about displaying good table manners, as they would have if they were eating in the castle. Merlin wished that it could be like this all the time, where he and Arthur didn't have to put on airs or hide how they truly felt about each other.

After they finished dessert, Gwen seemed itching to talk to Merlin alone, and thankfully Arthur noticed.

"Lancelot, why don't we discuss tomorrow's training regimen in the kitchen. We can clean up since Gwen and Merlin made us dinner."

Lancelot was agreeable, so it was easy for Merlin and Gwen to slip back into the bedroom. The young sorcerer settled himself on the bed, and Gwen in a chair next to him. Merlin was still stuck on Arthur suggesting that he clean up, but he pushed that aside so he could give Gwen his full attention.

"So what's your big secret? You look like you're going to burst with excitement," said Merlin.

Gwen blushed a little and stammered out an answer.

"Sorry I didn't quite catch that," said Merlin. "What'd you say?"

"I had sex with Lancelot for the first time," she said, quietly enough for only them to hear.

"That's great!" Merlin enthused. Then he frowned. "He didn't pressure you into it, did he?"

"Of course not! You know Lance. He's always so noble. He never would have wanted me to do anything that would make me feel uncomfortable. Actually, it was me who suggested it," Gwen admitted.

"That was quite forward of you," Merlin teased, earning a 'humph' from Gwen. "Was he your first?"

"Yes. And I was his," said Gwen. "It was very special."

Naturally, Merlin's next question was, "Was he any good?"

"It hurt a little at first, but after that…" Gwen's face morphed into that dreamy look that all girls have when they think about their lover. "Each time we did it, it got better and better."

"I'm so happy for you!" Merlin gave his friend a congratulatory hug. Then he thought of something. "But what if you conceived? You and Lancelot are not yet married. Now Arthur and I wouldn't care of course, but many people would look down on you for that."

"Don't worry, I thought of that," Gwen reassured him. "We're getting married in a few weeks so it wouldn't matter."

This alleviated Merlin's worries. "That soon? I thought you two wanted a big wedding."

"Not anymore. We didn't want to wait as long as you'd have to for a big wedding. We decided we wanted a smaller ceremony, with our close friends. We don't have any family left except from my brother Elyan."

"So can I come?" Merlin asked, already knowing the answer.

She chuckled at his exuberance. "You and Arthur are invited, of course, but I doubt if Arthur would be able to get away."

"I think I might be able to convince him," said Merlin. "I have ways of persuading Arthur to do things."

"I'll bet you do," said Gwen, chuckling at Merlin's innuendo. "Oh, I hope you both can come! I want to share that day with everyone I love. It's really happening, Merlin. I'm getting married to the love of my life!" She let out a small squeal.

"I'm just glad that you don't fancy Arthur anymore," Merlin admitted. "That could have been a disaster."

Gwen laughed. "That was ages ago! Arthur was a passing fancy, but my feelings for Lancelot run much deeper. When you meet the person who is going to be your mate for life, you just know."

"That's how I feel about Arthur, but it can never be." Merlin sighed and Gwen pulled him in for a hug. "In our case, duty must come before love."

"Don't lose hope, Merlin," Gwen encouraged. "One never knows what life can bring. Don't give up on you and Arthur just yet."

"I just don't see how we could be together and not bring ruin down on Camelot," Merlin sniffed, his eyes filling with tears as he considered his future. "We have to fulfill our destiny, and part of his destiny is to marry and have an heir. There's nothing either of us can do about that."

"I thought his destiny is to unite the lands, and rule as a fair and just king," said Gwen as she comfortingly rubbed his back. "If he's saddled with a wife that he doesn't like, let alone love, I don't know that he'd be able to rule as well. It doesn't make sense for him to marry a woman he barely knows."

"That's what his father did," said Merlin. "That's what all the Pendragons have done, ever since they have been ruling Camelot. Arthur must produce and heir or else all is lost."

"That's not fair," Gwen said quietly. "Arthur should have as much chance at finding love as any other person in the kingdom."

Merlin let out a harsh laugh. "That's not the way it works."

"I know. But I wish we could find some way for Arthur to have an heir and still get to keep you."

"If you think of one, let us know," said Merlin.

"I will. Thanks for listening to me, Merlin," Gwen said seriously. "It really helped for me to share that."

"You're welcome," said the young warlock as he rose from the bed. After Gwen had moved to the other room, he muttered under his breath, "I'm just glad that _one _of us gets to be with the man we love."

.~.

Arthur left Lancelot's house in high spirits. He didn't notice how subdued Merlin was until they had reached the castle. He asked him what was wrong and Merlin told him to 'leave it'.

"I will bloody not leave it," said Arthur, as they entered the safety of the king's chamber. "Something's bothering you. Was it something Gwen said?"

"No. I'm just jealous that Gwen and Lancelot get to be married and get to be together for the rest of their lives," Merlin admitted. "Which is stupid – I'm not the jealous type."

"You wish that we had the same opportunities that Gwen and Lance have," said Arthur.

"Yes. I wish every day could be how it was tonight, where it was normal that you and I could express affection for each other, and that we could make jokes about us. I haven't felt like that outside the privacy of our chamber."

"I wish it could always be like that too," said Arthur. "But at least we do have some times when we can be ourselves and not have to worry about being discovered. Like tonight. I haven't had that much fun in a long time. It was great having dinner with Lance and Gwen. We should do it more often."

"Yes, but they just have it so easy," Merlin insisted. "I'm sorry, Arthur – I don't mean to be so negative, but they have all the time in the world and our days are numbered. That's a fact."

"It's also a fact that I love you, and that you love me," Arthur reminded him. "That will never change, even when I get married. Or produce an heir. I would want you to be an important person in my child's life, Merlin. I'd want them to look up to you, for your kindness and your courage and your ability to take things in stride."

"I'm not doing that very well right now," Merlin mumbled.

"It's alright," said Arthur. "I can let it slide this one time." He grinned at Merlin, who tentatively grinned back.

"I wish I could be more like you, and not worry about this," said Merlin.

"I _do_ worry about it," Arthur admitted. "But things could still work out for us, perhaps in a way we have not yet thought of."

"That's what Gwen said," Merlin informed him. "She told me not to lose hope."

"I haven't," said Arthur. "You are everything to me, Merlin. You always will be, no matter what."

"Thanks," said Merlin, touched by Arthur's words. He didn't say them back, not because he didn't feel the same, but because at that moment it wasn't necessary. Arthur knew.

"Come on. Let's see if I can't make you pay for that comment you made earlier." Arthur made a motion for Merlin to join him on the bed and Merlin eagerly complied.

It was true that their future remained uncertain, but for tonight, simply being together was enough.

.~.

End Chapter 14

A/N: I hope that chapter was worth the wait! It was hard for me to write the 'date' scene for some reason, but I stuck with it and I'm reasonably pleased by the way it turned out. I have to credit my sister for giving me the line where Arthur says 'don't take this any further' and Merlin says 'that's not what you said last night'. I thought that was extremely funny – hopefully you guys did too. The next chapter will be about Arthur and Merlin's visit with Princess Elena, who is actually a very nice person on the show. Then the plot really advances!


	15. Picking A Princess

10

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. My mom beta'd this one. I didn't get the usual amount of reviews on the last chapter, but I posted it at a weird time. If you missed it, you might want to go back and read 14 before this one.

A/N2: We have Arthur and Merlin interviewing more princesses and trying to figure out how to deal with their relationship after Arthur gets married.

.~.

Chapter 15: Picking A Princess

.~.

The next day, Princess Elena and her entourage arrived at the castle. Arthur waited until Merlin was finished teaching his magic classes to take her out to the clearing. Once they reached their destination, Merlin set up the blanket, and the food and drink while the prince and princess took a quick stroll in the woods. Merlin followed them at a leisurely pace, not too closely to alarm Elena, but close enough to hear what they were saying.

Arthur asked Elena to tell him a little bit about where she was from and what she did there. Elena quickly launched into an explanation about a project she was overseeing to help the poor people in her kingdom. Arthur (and Merlin) was impressed by her dedication to helping others and using her position to do good works. It said much about her general character, as not many princesses he'd ever met were interested in such things.

Besides her benevolent nature, another thing Arthur learned about Princess Elena was that she was downright clumsy. She was always tripping over her skirts and knocking into things, stammering heartfelt apologies if something broke. Elena made Merlin seem as graceful as a circus performer. Merlin tried not to hold it against her as Elena tripped over her own two feet and fell into Arthur.

"Sorry." Elena blushed as Arthur steadied her. "I didn't mean to bump into you."

"It's quite alright," Arthur said kindly. "When I first started training with a sword, I was rather unsteady myself."

Merlin was certain this was an exaggeration, but he couldn't fault Arthur for trying to help the poor girl feel better.

"It's just that I'm not used to wearing these heels," Elena complained. "When I'm at home, unless I'm needed to oversee a function, I usually go barefoot. But my father made me wear them all the time once we came to Camelot. They're very tight, and I can't quite seem to get the hang of walking in a straight line. The shoes are supposed to make me act more ladylike, but I don't think it is working. What do you think?"

"Oh, I think you look very…very, ah…" Arthur paused, not sure what to say next. He could lie and tell her that she looked beautiful, but Elena was not the standard picture of feminine beauty. Her face was nice enough, but her blonde hair was pulled back in a messy bun, her brown dress had grass stains, and her eye make-up was smeared from where she'd accidentally rubbed it off.

"You might as well say it," Elena said gloomily. "I'll never pass for a normal princess."

"Looks aren't everything," said Arthur. Then he realized what he'd said, and tried to backtrack. "Not that you don't have good looks. Your looks are fine! I mean…"

Merlin inwardly shook with laughter. Arthur was really out of his element here, and it showed.

"I'm a mess, Arthur," said Elena, admitting defeat. "We both know it."

"Maybe a little bit," Arthur admitted, as there was no point in denying it. "You do have pretty eyes, though."

"Thanks." Elena sounded like she didn't believe him. "You're just saying that to be nice."

"No, I'm not," Arthur insisted. "I've heard it said that the eyes are the window to the soul. I believe in that. You are a good person, Elena. You don't think you're the center of the universe and you care what happens to other people. That matters more to me than physical beauty."

"That's the sweetest thing any man has ever said to me," said Elena, giving Arthur a true smile. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. You wouldn't believe how many stuck up women I've had to meet in the past few weeks." Arthur rolled his eyes. "It's a relief to meet someone who knows how to carry a real conversation."

Things ran much more smoothly after that. They spoke of growing up without mothers, and what it was like to be raised by their fathers.

"My father would indulge me more than he should have," said Elena. "I was like the son he never had. He never made me sit for too many lessons. Instead, I learned to fence, shoot, ride bareback, and survive in the wild. I got away with wearing trousers and a blouse until I was fourteen."

"That sounds like paradise compared to growing up with my father," said Arthur. "My life was always scheduled out for me. I always had lessons about politics or horseback riding or sword training. I didn't have much time to myself."

"I suppose I really had a charmed life growing up," Elena said wistfully. "It's a shame it has to come to an end. But there was one duty that I absolutely hated that my father wouldn't let me miss. I always had to be present when they executed a prisoner."

"I had to do that too! I never could stomach that very well," Arthur confessed. "My father told me that when I become king I'll have to preside over executions so I might as well get used to it. I saw my first execution when I was five."

"That's awful!" Elena exclaimed.

"It was," said Arthur. "We had quite a lot of them, too. My father was always executing some poor soul for the crime of sorcery. A lot of times I found later that they didn't even use magic – they were framed by others seeking to cause the harm."

"That's barbaric," Elena said, her voice shaking with outrage.

"Yes. I thought so too," said Arthur. "Can you do magic by any chance?"

"Magic?" Princess Elena laughed. "Me? No. Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering. We just changed the laws in Camelot to allow magic to be used."

"I always thought it was wrong to kill magical people," Elena said quietly.

"You did?"

"Yes. We never had any law against it, but I knew that Camelot and other places did. I never did quite understand it."

"I thought it was an unjust law," said Arthur. "So I changed it."

"I'll bet that took a lot of courage, standing up to those old bags on your council."

Arthur laughed. "It wasn't so bad. They came around eventually – they just took some persuading."

"It must be nice, having that sort of power," she lamented.

Arthur was reminded why Elena was there – if she truly wanted power of her own, she had to marry into it. Women didn't have rights under the law. It was just the way things were.

"It can be nice," Arthur said lightly. "But I want to use my power to change things for the better, you know? Help my people as best that I can."

"That's very noble of you," said Elena, her stomach fluttering when she realized that Arthur was both gallant_ and_ handsome.

Arthur shrugged off the compliment. "It's what any decent person would do." They returned to the clearing, where Merlin and the picnic lunch were waiting for them. "Speaking of magic, would you like to see some?"

"Oh yes!" Elena clapped her hands with excitement. "But I didn't think you had magic."

Arthur shook his head. "I don't. But my servant Merlin does. He's the most powerful warlock in all of Camelot." The young king couldn't keep the pride out of his voice when he mentioned Merlin's gift.

"It's good to meet you, Merlin," said Elena, firmly shaking his hand. Merlin tried not to like her, but it was hard. Elena had a very likeable personality. "So what can you do?"

Merlin shrugged. "All sorts of things."

"Show her the dragon," Arthur urged, his voice low as he caught Merlin's eye. "I _love_ the dragon."

Merlin faintly blushed before his eyes flashed gold. Almost effortlessly, he conjured a small golden glowing dragon that flew circles around them. This was something that he often did for Arthur when they were in bed together, but Elena didn't need to know that!

"That's amazing!" Elena cried as she watched the dragon harmlessly breathe tiny particles of magical fire.

"Thank you," said Merlin with a smile as he made the dragon disappear.

"Was that difficult for you to do?" Elena asked.

Merlin shook his head.

"That was really impressive, Merlin. Where did you study?" Elena urged.

"I didn't," said Merlin. "I was born knowing how to do magic."

"Really?" Elena sounded impressed. "Huh. I didn't know it could work that way."

"He just started a school of magic to share his knowledge with others," Arthur bragged, clasping Merlin on the shoulders. "He's a _very_ good teacher – the students are making great progress. Soon we hope to have a small army of witches and warlocks to help the knights protect our kingdom."

"Arthur's exaggerating – we've barely started," said Merlin, pushing away Arthur's hands. "But my eventual goal is to have my students use their magic to help keep us all safe."

"That's a fine goal," said Elena, eyeing the food. "Do you mind if I start?" Before Arthur could answer, she had grabbed a chicken leg and taken a huge bite.

"By all means," Arthur said dryly. He exchanged a look with Merlin that said, 'can you believe this girl'? Merlin knew that the girl's atrocious table manners did not impress Arthur. Not that the young king was a stickler for table manners, per se, but as a public figure he wanted to set a good example for others in everything that he did. Apparently this was not the case with Elena, or perhaps her father hadn't bothered teaching her.

Merlin thought Arthur was being a little harsh. Merlin knew that Arthur certainly didn't exhibit good table manners when he was eating alone with Merlin in his chambers. He just attacked his food. And Merlin wasn't always one for manners either – but he did remember to use them when eating with any member of the royal court. But it had taken a while for Merlin and Arthur to feel comfortable enough around each other to forget the formalities, especially for Merlin since he was the servant.

Merlin, feeling a little sorry for Elena, waved his hand and gently warmed her drumstick.

"Mmm, that's delicious!" She exclaimed between bites. "It tastes so much better hot."

"Merlin has _many_ practical uses for his magic," said Arthur, winking at Merlin over Elena's head while he was waiting for his sorcerer to warm his food. The sorcerer's cheeks burned as he recalled certain instances where he'd used his magic to 'service' Arthur. The king was always thinking up new ways that they could use Merlin's magic when they were intimate. Not that Merlin minded, of course.

To repay him for that comment, Merlin deliberately did nothing to Arthur's food in order to bait him into asking for his magical help.

Predictably, it took all of ten seconds before Arthur complained, "_Mer_lin! Aren't you going to warm the rest of the chicken for me?"

"I wasn't aware you needed it warmed, _your majesty_," Merlin said flippantly, before he did as Arthur asked.

This gave Elena pause – she'd never heard of a servant getting to speak that way to a king and get away with it.

"You don't mind if he eats with us, do you?" Arthur asked, almost apologetically without waiting for an answer. "He's used to eating with me. He gets put out when I don't insult him while he eats."

"No, I don't mind," said Elena, noting that Merlin had been doing as much of the insulting as Arthur. Then she asked Merlin something that had been confusing her. "If you're so gifted, what are you doing as Arthur's servant?"

"He needs me. He wouldn't last a day without me," said Merlin without missing a beat. To an outsider, it would seem like Arthur would need Merlin's services to function, which was a true insult. However, Arthur and Merlin knew the underlying meaning behind the words, of the secret love held between them.

"I could _so_." Arthur glared at Merlin, who gave him an innocent smile. "I can bathe and dress myself, you know."

"I doubt it," said Merlin. "The other day you put your trousers on backwards. It took you a full minute to work out what had happened."

"_Mer_lin!"

They heard a loud snort. Elena apparently found that anecdote to be hilarious.

"If you like that, you should hear about my diet plan for Arthur," said Merlin, getting on a roll. "In order to keep him fighting fit, I have to hide his sausages, and sometimes his cheese."

"I hate it when you do that," Arthur griped. "I don't need to lose weight."

"That's because it's working!" Merlin nodded sagely, and squeezed Arthur's hand before he realized what he was doing. He played it off, quickly removing his hand from the king's.

"_Mer_lin!" Arthur whined. "It's not necessary to limit my food consumption."

"It makes him very grumpy," Merlin whispered to Elena, who chuckled. "But it works."

As they continued to argue, Elena couldn't help notice that Arthur paid attention to Merlin as much as he did to her, if not more so. She'd never seen such a close friendship between noble and servant before. For some reason, it unnerved her. But that was silly. There was no reason for her to be jealous of a servant, especially a male one. She watched as Merlin gracefully admitted defeat, letting Arthur win the argument. Then the sorcerer lay down on the blanket and closed his eyes. She felt a little relieved that Merlin was resting. Now she'd have Arthur's attention all to herself. Arthur was supposed to be getting to know_ her_, not joking around with his servant.

The princess struck up a conversation with Arthur about the loss of his father. Elena dearly loved her father and wanted to know if Arthur had any advice on the subject, as she was dreading her father's eventual death. Arthur told her the truth, that there was never much love between him and Uther, until the king's deathbed confession. It was a serious topic, but it was one that Arthur seemed willing to discuss. Elena considered this a good sign – some men refused to have serious conversations. They continued to speak on the subject of death, and the possibility of life after death when Arthur saw something.

"Merlin, what on earth are you doing?" Arthur asked, his focus drawn to the blanket that held the boy's shaking form.

"Shivering," said Merlin through chattering teeth. "The sun's almost gone down. It's freezing."

Arthur gave him his patented 'you idiot' stare. "Can't you conjure fire?"

"I tried. I couldn't… achoo!" Merlin sneezed. "Sorry. I guess I'm a bit worn out from the lesson we did today. I might have accidentally depleted my magical reserve."

"_Mer_lin. Are you daft?" Arthur glared at him. "You can't overwork yourself like that. What if I was the victim of a magical attack and you fell down on the job?"

Merlin muttered something unintelligible, but Elena guessed it was an insult of some kind.

"Are you cold, princess?" Arthur asked, as an afterthought.

"No, I'm fine," Elena said truthfully. Her long sleeved dress was quite warm. Only then did it occur to her that she should've stretched the truth in order to accept Arthur's cape.

"Maybe we should head back," Arthur suggested. "I don't want Merlin to get sicker."

"It is getting dark," Elena agreed, and mounted her horse.

"Here." Arthur placed his cape around Merlin's shoulders, and started rubbing them until Merlin grew uncomfortable and pulled away. "Better?"

"Yes," said Merlin. He mounted his horse and tucked Arthur's cape around him. It didn't offer much heat, but it was better than nothing. He really was exhausted.

Without complaint, Arthur packed up their supplies and secured them to his stallion before he dug in his heels and took off. Elena and Merlin followed him.

They rode back to the castle without incident.

"Well, I had a good time tonight," said Arthur, helping Elena down from her horse once they'd arrived. "You're the first woman I've wanted to see a second time. Would you like to meet up tomorrow for breakfast?"

Elena sighed. On the ride back, she'd reviewed the events of the night and had put two and two together. At first she thought she was imagining things, but the more she remembered watching Arthur and Merlin, the more obvious it became. It was a shame too, because she _really_ liked Arthur. But Elena knew that there was no need to put herself through spending time with him if it wasn't going to work out. It hurt because Arthur would have made the perfect husband. She could see him being attuned to her needs and investing time in their relationship – that is, if he wasn't already completely head over heels for his servant.

"Arthur, I like you a lot but I can't marry you. I just can't see it working out between us," said Elena. "We're very different people. I don't think I fit your criteria for a queen. Also, I've realized now that when I marry, I want it to be for love. Even if we had more time to court, I can't see you falling in love with me."

"No," Arthur said quietly, as it was the truth. He shrugged apologetically.

"It's alright," said Elena. "We can't help who we fall in love with. It just happens."

"Yes, I suppose," said Arthur, wondering where she was going with this.

"I'd like to return to my chamber now."

"Very well."

"It's a shame it won't work out between us," Elena said with a tinge of regret. "You are such a gentleman."

"Thank you," said Arthur, giving her a mock bow. "Goodnight, princess." He gently kissed her hand. Elena's expression was tinged with sorrow before she thundered up the stairs and disappeared.

"It was going so well – I don't know what happened," said Arthur, sounding bewildered as he helped a weary Merlin up the stairs. He imagined that anyone watching would just assume that Merlin was drunk.

Merlin wondered how Elena knew that Arthur couldn't fall in love with her over time, but decided it was not important. What was important was that Elena was no longer in the running to be Arthur's wife.

.~.

Just before dark, Gwen had put clean sheets on Princess Elena's bed. She had finished the last part of her job and she was about to leave the room when she ran into someone.

"Princess Elena." Gwen said with surprise as she helped her up. The poor girl was always running into things. "I thought you were still out with Arthur." That was when she noticed the tears gathering in Elena's eyes. "Did something happen?"

Elena snorted and wiped her eyes. "I'll say! Guinevere, it was absolutely ridiculous. Arthur was supposed to be paying attention to _me_, but he and his servant kept eyeing each other _all night_. I was really offended. Not to mention confused and hurt."

Gwen's eyes grew huge. "Oh no! They were _that obvious_?"

"You _knew_ about them?" Elena looked outraged.

"Yes," Gwen said guiltily.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Elena asked. "You could have saved me some embarrassment."

"I didn't believe it was my place," said Gwen. "Camelot needs a queen, and…" She trailed off. "Arthur would have made a good husband. He would have secured your title and you'd have a position of power. He would have been a very good friend to you and would have treated you well." Gwen wasn't sure why she felt like she needed to defend Arthur, but she did it anyway. "He just couldn't have loved you like you hoped he might."

"It's not your fault," said Elena, all traces of anger gone from her voice. "I know you are loyal to him. But what I wouldn't give for someone like Arthur to look at me the way he looked at Merlin." Elena sighed with regret. "You know, you might want to tell them to tone it down with the next girl. Just so it doesn't look _too_ suspicious. Although most people wouldn't recognize that sort of thing between men, after spending time with them it was pretty clear where Arthur's affections lay. You should definitely let them know."

"I will," Gwen promised. "Thank you for telling me. Those _idiots_!" She snorted. "You won't tell anyone, will you?"

"No. I doubt anyone would believe me if I did."

"You never know," Gwen mumbled. "They have been spending a lot of time together lately in the public eye."

"They make quite a couple," Elena admitted. "From what I can tell, they seem to be completely devoted to each other. It's a shame Arthur has to get married."

"It is," Gwen agreed. "But the kingdom must have a queen, and an heir."

"Well, it's not going to be me."

"How are you going to convince your father that you wouldn't make a good match?" Gwen asked.

"I'll tell him the truth – that I've seen that Arthur has eyes for another."

"I'm sorry," Gwen said helplessly.

"I'll get over it. Time heals all wounds."

"Then I'll bid you goodnight." Gwen curtsied and made a hasty retreat. She decided she was really going to let Merlin have it when she spoke to him the next day.

.~.

The following morning, Gwen snagged Merlin alone before he headed off to teach.

"What's this about? I need to go," Merlin protested as they moved to the privacy of Morgana's chambers. "I'm already late because Arthur made me sleep in because I was feeling sick yesterday and I-"

Gwen interrupted him with a glare, which quickly unnerved the sorcerer. "You and Arthur need to be more careful."

"What do you mean?" Merlin's heart began to race at the thought of them being discovered. "No one I know of has caught us doing anything out of the ordinary."

"Elena knows." Gwen gave him a knowing look and Merlin caved.

"It was all Arthur's doing," he insisted. "He kept flirting with me when he should have been giving his full attention to Elena."

"Yes, and you flirted back."

"Very subtly," said Merlin. "What?" He cried, quailing at Gwen's stern look. "I promise it wasn't that noticeable! Well, I did grab his hand once, but that isn't enough to prove anything. And I might have insulted Arthur a little. Well, maybe a lot."

"Whatever you two did, Elena picked up on it," said Gwen. "She was upset at first that Arthur was taken, but eventually she warmed up to the idea. You're lucky that she didn't tell anyone important, like her father. You and Arthur can't act like that in front of any other princesses."

"Yes, Mum," said a morose Merlin, but even he didn't want to tempt fate and bring ruin on Camelot. He promised he'd talk to Arthur about it and he did.

Arthur wasn't happy about being told how to behave, but then Merlin threatened to not accompany Arthur on his outings with the princesses, the young king quickly agreed. He promised that he wouldn't openly flirt with Merlin when he was interviewing potential wives. Merlin was satisfied with this answer, and hoped that Arthur would keep his promise. Thankfully, he did.

.~.

In the next week, Arthur and Merlin took seven more princesses out to have picnics in the woods. Most of them were shy and polite, but weren't willing to share more of themselves. In short, they were fairly boring.

Except for Princess Sophia. Merlin shuddered to think what might have happened had he not been there. She tried to put a love spell on Arthur but it didn't work because Merlin blocked it. He made sure that Sophia wasn't going to bother them again. ('Did you really have to knock her out, Merlin'? Arthur had asked.) They brought an unconscious Sophia back to the castle and informed her father what had happened. Thankfully, Sophia and her father left the next day.

The clear forerunner of the pack was Princess Mithian. She was the most down to earth of them all. Merlin decided to have a bit of fun and magically make Arthur burp mid-bite. Instead of being offended, Princess Mithian burped right back. They shared a laugh and from then on grew more comfortable around each other. They had many things in common, including reading, hunting, and horseback riding. They became fast friends. Arthur liked the brunette beauty very much, and so did Merlin, albeit reluctantly. The way things were progressing between them, Merlin figured that she would be the one to marry Arthur.

Princess Mithian had that royal air about her – she commanded respect. But she was also kind to servants and the people who lived in the lower town. She and Arthur had discussed his plan to slowly reduce the taxes for the villagers, and she agreed whole heartedly. The council had met her and approved. Even Merlin had to admit that she would make an excellent queen. It helped that Mithian soundly supported his school of magic – she was pleased that Arthur had changed the law and had given those with magic the opportunity to master their gift.

The only problem was that Arthur and Merlin felt guilty about deceiving her.

"If only I hadn't read my mother's stupid diary, I wouldn't be feeling this way," Arthur growled, pacing the length of his chambers.

"I would say that all women dream of finding their true love," said Merlin. "Not just your mother. You just happened to read about it firsthand."

"What am I supposed to do?" Arthur moaned. "Mithian will be heartbroken the day she finds out that I love another. How can I lie to her and break my wedding vows knowing what I now know?"

"We could stay away from each other," Merlin said quietly. "It would be hard, but if you asked me to, I would do it."

"That wouldn't matter," Arthur said bitterly. "We would still be lovers, even if I was faithful and we never touched each other again. What I feel for you would never change. It's not just attraction between us. We're linked together on a soul level. Just living in close proximity with you would be agony."

"Then you should send me away." Merlin couldn't believe he was suggesting such a thing. Leave Arthur? Unthinkable! But he was willing to do it if Arthur wanted him to.

"That wouldn't solve anything," said Arthur. "My heart would still belong to you. Even with you gone, I would never be able to give Mithian the love she deserves. In time, she would figure out why."

"Then we really are in trouble."

"It looks that way," said a dejected Arthur. He pulled Merlin into his arms and they just held each other for a while.

"Perhaps you should tell her the truth," Merlin offered as he pulled away and sat next to Arthur on the bed. "Not the whole truth, just the part about you not being able to love her."

"I can't take the chance that she would reject my proposal. I don't have any more time to interview any more princesses – my time is almost up. I _have_ to choose Mithian. I have to have an heir, Merlin." Arthur's voice broke. "There's no way around that."

"Then you have no choice," said Merlin. "Your duty comes first. You must marry. Mithian is a princess – I'm sure she understands the importance of duty."

"Trapped in a loveless marriage all because of duty." Arthur swore under his breath. "It's not fair to any of us. But that's the way things are."

"So when are you going to propose?" Merlin asked, knowing Arthur's mind was now made up.

"I still have four days until my month is up. I'll ask her on the last day. Perhaps by then I will have thought of something to tell her to soften the blow."

Merlin seriously doubted it, but if Arthur wanted to wait to the last minute, he was not going to complain. "And the ring?"

"I'll give her one my mother's rings that we found in the jewelry box," said Arthur. "Probably the gold one with the ruby encrusted with diamonds. After I propose, the wedding plans will immediately commence."

"Our days together will be numbered," Merlin translated.

Arthur looked so forlorn, Merlin knew he had to try and cheer him up.

"At least we have Gwen and Lancelot's wedding to look forward to. It's the day after tomorrow."

Arthur brightened a bit at that. "I already cleared my schedule for that day. I can stay for the ceremony and the festivities."

"They will be glad to hear that."

"And after their wedding is over? What do we have to look forward to?"

"I don't know," said Merlin. "I wish I could say a few magic words and fix everything. But I can't."

"I wish I could just turn it off, that I could stop loving you," Arthur griped.

"You do?" Merlin couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"No Merlin, I didn't mean it like that," Arthur stammered. "It's just that loving you is so inconvenient."

Merlin frowned. "So I'm an inconvenience now?"

"No! I mean…" Arthur shook his head. "I just wish my feelings for you weren't so intense. Then maybe I could love Mithian like I'm supposed to."

"Arthur." Merlin sighed, and tried to forgive his king for his insensitive words. He doubted Arthur had meant them. "You can't wish your feelings away. It doesn't work like that. I know I wasn't what you wanted, but we fell in love anyway. I know I'm not marriage material. I've complicated matters and made things harder on you. That was the _last_ thing I wanted to do. Maybe I should go now."

He started to head toward the spare bedroom but Arthur grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"Merlin, please don't. Don't shut me out."

Merlin looked shocked. "Excuse me, _sire_. You're the one that was shutting me out!"

"I know." Arthur hung his head. "It was stupid. I shouldn't have said the things I did. Even if our relationship _is_ inconvenient, I wouldn't change a thing. I'm glad I had this time with you. I will always cherish the memories that we made."

"I will too. I just want to make you happy, Arthur," Merlin insisted. "I don't want to cause you pain."

"I _am_ happy," Arthur insisted. "Well, I was. It's just a bittersweet time for us. It seems that pain oftentimes comes with loving someone. I know that now, and I don't hold it against you."

"Good," Merlin murmured, and touched his forehead to Arthur's. They both shut their eyes and reveled in their closeness. "I wish I could whisk us away to a place where we could be together, with no rules and no responsibilities."

"That sounds lovely," Arthur murmured, opening his eyes to gaze into Merlin's.

"But we belong here."

"Yes, destiny and all that."

"No, _not_ just destiny." Merlin looked as serious as Arthur had ever seen him. "I _choose_ to stay here, Arthur. My students need me. Morgana still needs guidance – her nightmares have started up again. Rowan is showing great promise. I must help my students develop their gift. I still have a funny feeling that Camelot is going to be facing a magical attack in the near future. I won't abandon my home."

"You're so selfless," Arthur stated, slowly sweeping his fingers across Merlin's cheek. "And beautiful. And you're mine. I suppose I must stay too, and see to my responsibilities as well."

Merlin beamed. "I've always believed in you, Arthur. That will never change."

"With you by my side, I feel like I can face anything," Arthur admitted.

"I'll always be there," Merlin promised, just before they kissed.

"No matter what happens, I'll love you forever," Arthur vowed.

"And I you," Merlin breathed before they tumbled onto the bed.

.~.

End Ch. 15

A/N: Wow this one was probably the hardest chapter to write of them all. It's ten pages long and 5,000+ words! It has started turning the tone of the story. It will be getting a little more serious. But just remember I love Merlin and Arthur together, even if I put them through hell. Thanks for reading and reviewing! The next chapter will be a major turning point.


	16. To Have And To Hold

13

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. We have Gwen preparing for her wedding to Lancelot. I researched on a grand total of one website that medieval brides wore blue instead of white, so I am going with that. If anyone knows otherwise, I will happily go back and change the color of the dress. Also, I can't remember if Hunith and Balinor were married when they had Merlin, so it's more dramatic if they weren't so I'm going with that.

A/N2: It's 13 pages and 7,000 words! Wow, that's my longest chapter ever on any story I've ever written. I poured my heart and soul into this chapter. Hope it was worth the wait.

A/N2: I wanted to commend _Ondori-Naramaki _on her amazing reviews. You really keep me going! Now, back to Merthur goodness…

Chapter 16: To Have And To Hold

.~.

It was the day before Gwen and Lancelot's wedding. Thankfully, it was Saturday and the magic school was not in session. Merlin and Morgana were using their gifts to help preparations run smoothly and quickly. The young couple was to be married outside in a tent covering the training ground close to the castle. That way, if it rained, the weather wouldn't affect the wedding.

"I can't believe you're getting married tomorrow!" Morgana gushed to Gwen as they finished setting out the floral arrangements. They were crimson and yellow, the Pendragon colors. Lancelot had wished for them, as working for Arthur had brought them together. Gwen wasn't one of those brides who had to control every little detail of her wedding. When Lancelot had come to her with his request for the wedding colors, she had readily agreed, happy to have his input.

"I can't believe it either!" Gwen exclaimed. "It seems like only yesterday that we began courting. But it's been three lovely years. And now we're going to spend the rest of our life together."

"You're very lucky," Morgana sighed. "You two hardly ever fight. You treat each other well. You respect each other, and there is a deep love there as well. I hope that I'll find a man as fine as Lancelot someday."

"You will," Gwen and Merlin encouraged.

"Perhaps you'll find someone interesting tomorrow," Merlin suggested. "Most of the young knights are invited. I'm sure they'll be vying for the chance to dance with you at the feast after the ceremony."

"Perhaps," Morgana echoed, but she seemed cheered after that. "So, Gwen, how are you feeling about tomorrow?"

"Oh you know." Gwen shrugged. "Excited, nervous, a little scared."

"What's there to be scared of?" Morgana asked. "Lancelot is a good man. You know and trust him."

"It's not him," Gwen said miserably. "I've just got this horrible feeling that something will go wrong. What if something unforeseen happens and he leaves me alone at the altar?"

"I seriously doubt it!" Morgana promised.

"She's right," Merlin agreed. "Where did you come up with this, Gwen?"

"I don't know," Gwen said miserably. "It's not very rational. Maybe I dreamed it or something. I guess I've always been afraid of being left at the altar."

Morgana stared at her servant, a look that clearly stated 'are you daft?' "Gwen, if he didn't want you, he wouldn't have proposed marriage."

"Well, yes, that's true," Gwen admitted. "But what if he gets cold feet?"

"_Lance_?" Merlin said incredulously as he and Morgana exchanged a 'she's crazy' glance. "He's wanted to marry you since practically the first time he set eyes on you."

"You're right," said Gwen. "I guess I'm letting my imagination run away with me."

"That's alright," said Morgana. "I do that all the time."

"It must be a girl thing," said Merlin. "That never happens to me. Hey!" He protested as Morgana punched him in the arm. "I'm only joking," he said hastily.

"We're _supposed_ to be encouraging Gwen that everything's going to be fine tomorrow," Morgana reminded him.

"Oh, right," said Merlin. "Don't worry, Gwen. Er, everything's going to be fine?" He winced, as he hadn't meant to repeat verbatim what Morgana had just said.

Morgana and Gwen exchanged a look.

"Men," Morgana complained.

"They're hopeless." Gwen added.

"Thanks a lot," Merlin grumbled.

"But we love them anyway," said Gwen. "I can't think of a better male friend than you, Merlin."

The conversation then turned to happier things, like what kind of food the kitchens would be preparing for the feast after the wedding. Arthur had told the cooks to spare no expense, which was part of his wedding present to his friends. One of Lance's friends had donated the flowers from his garden. One of Gwen's servant friends played the mandolin, and was going to provide the music. Geoffrey of Monmouth was to preside over the ceremony, with Arthur next to him to give the royal blessing to the marriage. Gwen's brother Elyan was supposed to walk her down the aisle in the stead of her father, who had been killed by Uther years before. Merlin was to be the best man, and Morgana was to be the maid of honor. The knights who were close with Lancelot were going to attend, as were some of Gwen's friends from the castle. Everything was in place for a small intimate ceremony.

Merlin knew that something would inevitably go wrong, as nothing always goes completely according to plan at weddings. But even Merlin couldn't predict just how wrong things would go.

.~.

_The following day_

Gwen stood under cover in the middle of the tent, which was loudly flapping in the breeze. The rain was blowing sideways and her periwinkle dress was starting to cling to her body as her heart began to break in two. Her beautifully styled hair grew limp as the water ruined it. Even her bouquet had grown soggy and the flowers were drooping.

Stood up at the altar. She'd never felt so embarrassed and heartbroken in her life.

Merlin, Morgana, Arthur, and Elyan were crowded around her, each doing their best to keep her spirits up. They weren't doing a very good job.

"I'm sure he'll be here soon," said Merlin tried to reassure her.

"Why would he do this to me?" Gwen, who was trembling in her brother's arms.

The unthinkable had happened. Lancelot had yet to show. It looked like Gwen's worst fear was coming true.

"Something's not right," said Arthur, voicing what Merlin had been feeling for the past half hour. "Lancelot would never be late to his own wedding. I_ know_ him; he'd never do that to you, Gwen. I'm going to see what's going on."

Arthur grabbed the nearest horse and took off towards the castle.

"Come on," said Merlin and mounted a horse with Gwen holding on tight behind him.

When Merlin and Gwen arrived at the city gate, they found the king shouting at two guards who were quaking in their boots. It was common knowledge that Arthur hardly ever raised his voice – they knew this must be important.

"What do you mean you don't know where he is?" Arthur shouted as Merlin and Gwen approached. "Get me someone who does!"

"Yes, sire!" The guards scurried off, to find someone who knew what had happened to Lancelot.

"Where could he be?" Arthur muttered.

"There has to be a reasonable explanation for his absence," said Merlin.

"I just hope he's not hurt," Gwen worried. "I've been so wrapped up in myself and worrying if he had gotten cold feet, when there could be something seriously wrong!"

"Don't worry; Lance can take care of himself," said Merlin. "He's just as good with a sword as Arthur if not better." But the joke fell flat – not even Arthur felt the need to comment. Merlin exchanged a look of concern with his king over Gwen's head.

Privately, Merlin felt that nothing short of death would keep Lance away from showing up to his wedding to Gwen. Perhaps something horrible had happened to him!

Finally, a new guard ran up to meet them.

"Well?" Arthur asked. "Tell me why Lancelot isn't here to marry his fiancé."

The guard looked terrified. "W-well, sire, he went on patrol."

"On _patrol_?!" Arthur was livid. "I gave him the day off to prepare for his marriage. He shouldn't even be out there!"

"We asked for all bodied men to ride out early this morning," the guard informed him.

"So even though he'd been granted leave, Lancelot decided to go anyway," Arthur deduced.

"Yes, sire," said the guard. "A messenger came to the castle early this morning. One of the outlying villages was being attacked. Apparently women and children were threatened."

"Dammit, Lance," Arthur swore under his breath. "Why'd you have to be so bloody noble?"

"I'm sorry, sire," said the guard. "We reminded him that he wasn't obligated to go. But since you hadn't ordered him to stay here, we had to let him come with us."

"Why didn't he tell anyone where he went?" Gwen asked. "That's not like him."

"He was told that it would be a quick routine trip."

"He probably thought he'd be back in plenty of time to change and attend his wedding," said Merlin.

"Have any of the knights from his group returned?" Arthur asked.

"No, sire," the guard regretfully informed them.

"Where were they headed?"

The guard told them, and Arthur ordered Merlin to ride with him, and have the guard follow and ride with Gwen at a safe pace. As they raced to Lancelot's last location, Merlin knew that Arthur wanted them to get to the scene first, in case they were greeted with a less than favorable outcome.

When they finally arrived at the knight's last known position, they were greeted by a grisly sight. Blood was spattered everywhere, on the rocks, on the ground, on a lone silver helmet. Upon hearing a cry for help Arthur jumped off the horse, leaving Merlin to tie it to a tree. When Merlin came upon the scene, he saw Arthur cradling an injured knight in his arms. Horrified, Merlin quickly approached them, hearing the knight's explanation of what had occurred.

"I'm so sorry, Sire!" Sir Kay choked out, cradling his wounded arm. "I tried… but I couldn't save them. The bandits only left me alive so that I could tell you what happened. I saw them all killed right before my eyes. Lancelot and the other knights are dead."

"How?" Merlin questioned, his stomach sinking as he cast a healing spell on Sir Kay's arm.

"He died defending several peasant girls from bandits."

"He never could stand by if a woman was in trouble," said Arthur, his voice sounding strange as he fought to reign in his grief. He sat on the ground with his head in his hands. "I just can't believe it. Not only was he one of my best knights, he was a close friend."

"Merlin, I believe that the men who attacked weren't ordinary bandits. They were using magic to defeat us," said Sir Kay. "We were powerless against them."

"And so it starts," Merlin said grimly. "They must have been using dark magic. I told you, Arthur! I knew this was going to happen."

"Yes, we have magical enemies. We'll deal with that later." Arthur growled at him. "Right now I need to figure out how I'm going to explain all this to Guinevere."

Merlin, his mind solely on the magical enemy, had forgotten all about Gwen. "Oh no," Merlin breathed. "I was so concerned about the magical threat…"

"It's alright," said Arthur. "But I need your help. She'll be here any minute. I don't know how I can face her, and tell her that the man she was supposed to marry today is dead!"

"I don't know." Merlin retorted. "There's no good way to say it, Arthur. You can only tell her the truth."

"Tell me the truth about what?" Gwen rode up next to him, and jumped off her horse, leaving it to the guard. Then she saw the blood.

"Oh, God, Lance! Arthur, what happened?" Gwen cried.

"Guinevere, there's been an accident," Arthur said heavily.

Then Gwen saw Merlin sitting with Sir Kay a little ways off. Merlin could not look at Gwen, not wanting her to see the truth written on his face.

"Tell me what happened," Gwen demanded as she approached the injured knight.

"My lady, I…" Sir Kay, swallowing hard. "Lancelot, he fought bravely but… he didn't make it."

"_No_," Gwen said forcefully. "I don't believe that. How do you know?"

"The enemy stabbed him in the heart. I saw the light go out of his eyes. Him and the rest of them."

"If that was true, where's his body?" Gwen accused.

"They took all the bodies with them," said Sir Kay. "They said something about using them for a sacrifice."

Arthur exchanged a horrified look with Merlin. "Dark magic," Merlin muttered.

"Perhaps Lance was only wounded. He might need our help!" Gwen insisted. "We need to go after him."

"He's dead, Gwen." Merlin said heavily. "See the bloodstains over here? There's no way someone could have lost all this blood and survived. This is Lancelot's blood."

"How can you be sure?" Gwen sounded almost hysterical. "It could be any one of the knights' blood."

"Because I reached out with my magic. I can tell it's his. I'm sorry, Gwen." Merlin hung his head, hating to be the bearer of bad news, but knowing that she needed to hear the truth. "Lancelot is gone. So is Sir Pellinor, Sir Galahad, Sir Owain…" He listed the names of the fallen knights as he found their blood on the ground.

"No," Gwen whispered. "NO!"

Merlin pulled a shaking Gwen into his arms and held her tight.

"Merlin, it can't be true! It can't," she choked out. "I love him. We were to be married today! Beside my brother, he's all I have in this world."

Merlin glanced at Arthur over Gwen's head. Arthur had a forlorn look, the one that he had whenever a knight died under his protection. He hated these times where he was helpless, where he couldn't fix the problem. But Merlin would deal with Arthur later. Now he had to take care of Gwen.

"Merlin, please! Maybe you made a mistake. He could have been kidnapped," Gwen insisted. "We need to organize a search party to find him."

"Gwen, my magic is never wrong. He's dead," Merlin said heavily. "And he's not coming back. I'm sorry."

.~.

Gwen was inconsolable for the rest of the day. After they brought her back to the castle, they took her to Morgana's chambers to rest. Merlin and Morgana tried to use their magic to help her calm down, but it was useless. Gwen wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep – all she did was occasionally wail. She could barely make the effort to use the chamber pot. Her brother Elyan stayed with her, but even he couldn't make her calm down.

Several times she struggled to get out of bed, telling them that she was going to lead a search party to look for Lancelot. Merlin, Morgana, and Elyan all tried to convince her that there was nothing she could do, but Gwen didn't want to accept that.

"Gwen!" Merlin caught her as she almost fainted into his arms during another attempt to leave her bed. "You need to lie down. You haven't been drinking or eating."

"I c-can't!" She sobbed. "I want Lance and I can't have him back."

Merlin didn't know what to say to that. Apparently she was beginning to accept Lancelot's death. "He would want you to take care of yourself."

"How would you know? He's dead so you can't ask him. Oh God! He's _dead_!" Gwen went back into hysterics. "What am I going to do? I'll be shunned for the rest of my life."

"Why would you be shunned?" Elyan asked. "Just because you were about to get married and didn't? That's no cause to be upset."

But when Merlin pressed her to explain, Gwen immediately clammed up. This worried Merlin. Perhaps there was something else at stake besides Lancelot's death? But what could be worse than that?

.~.

It turned out it was much worse than Merlin could've imagined. He didn't have long to wait to find out what it was. Gwen asked to speak with him, and insisted that everyone else leave the room.

Merlin came over and sat next to her on the bed. He took her icy hands in his, and tried to warm them. He gave her an encouraging look and wondered if he'd have to prompt her, but it turned out that she was ready to talk.

"M-Merlin, I need to tell you something," Gwen sniffed. "It's very important that you not tell anyone, save for Arthur, what I'm about to say."

"I promise," Merlin vowed. "There's something else upsetting you beside Lancelot's death, isn't there? What is it?"

"God. I-I can't even say it," Gwen sobbed.

"Shhh," Merlin soothed her, pulling her fragile body to his as she clung to his neck. He rubbed her back and gently rocked her back and forth. They stayed like that for more than a few minutes, Merlin giving her the care and attention that she needed. "You don't have to tell me tonight if you don't want to."

"But I do!" Gwen insisted and pulled away to where she was sitting next to Merlin. She sniffled, wiping the mucus on her sleeve, and bravely announced, "I'm pregnant with Lancelot's baby. And yes, before you ask, I am certain of it."

Merlin tried not to, but he just stared at her with his mouth open. Nothing could have prepared him for this – he was completely blindsided. He then asked her the first question that came to mind. "Did he know?"

Gwen sobbed, "No! I was going to wait to tell him after the wedding. It was going to be a surprise! But now he's dead and…I can't have a baby out of wedlock, Merlin! My reputation will be ruined! I'll lose my job, my friends, everything!" She was taken by a fresh round of sobs.

Merlin held her until her cries eventually subsided. He didn't contradict her – what she said was true, and always happened to mothers who bore children out of wedlock. Those children were given the name bastard and they bore that label for the rest of their lives. He knew. He'd never known who his father was. The other children had often taunted him about it. It was one of the reasons why Hunith had sent Merlin to Camelot. Yes, it was to learn the art of healing under the tutelage of Gaius, but it was also to start over. In Camelot, no one knew Merlin's family history.

"What am I going to do?" Gwen whispered.

"I'll help you," Merlin vowed.

"There's nothing you can do, Merlin." Gwen shook her head. "You can't fix this with your magic. I wish you could."

"Don't worry." Merlin insisted. "You won't lose your job. Arthur will never let that happen. You'll never lose us or Morgana as friends."

"Yes, but I'll be the constant victim of ridicule and gossip. And who knows what will happen to my child?" Gwen sniffed. "Merlin, you told me what it was like growing up with everyone in your village knowing that your mother had you out of wedlock – the pain it brought you, the feeling like you weren't normal. How could I let that happen to my baby?"

Merlin had no answer. All he could promise is that he and Arthur would always stand by her, no matter what. He stayed with Gwen until she fell asleep. As he was walking back to Arthur's chambers and mulling over the events of the day, the answer to Gwen's problem came to him. It was so simple that he wondered why he hadn't thought of it before.

.~.

When Merlin entered the king's chambers, he immediately cornered Arthur.

"I need to talk to you," said Merlin, with an excited gleam in his eye.

"Uh oh. I know that look, Merlin. It's never a good sign," said Arthur. "What's going on?"

Merlin made sure that the door was tightly locked before sharing Gwen's secret. "Gwen's not just upset about Lancelot's death. She's in an extremely unfortunate situation!" Merlin exclaimed. "We have to help her!"

Arthur shook his head. "You'll have to speak plainer than that, Merlin. It's been a long day."

Merlin realized there was no need to be cryptic and it would be best just to blurt it out. "Gwen's pregnant with Lancelot's child," he said in a rush. "She wants to keep the baby, but she'll lose her reputation if she has a child out of wedlock. The child will grow up labeled a bastard. We have to help her, Arthur."

Arthur stared, uncomprehending. "That's unfortunate, but what do you want me to do about it?"

Merlin gave him a meaningful look. "Arthur, you have the power to help her."

"What am I supposed to do? Pass a law that protects the reputation of a woman when she has a child outside of marriage?" Arthur snorted at that. "Good lord, Merlin! Even for you, that's a ridiculous idea."

Merlin moved closer to Arthur, catching his gaze and steadily holding it. "Who says Gwen's going to have a child outside of marriage?"

Arthur's eyes widened as he finally understood what his sorcerer was hinting at. "Oh, no. No, no, no. Merlin, you _can't_ be suggesting…"

"Yes. I think you should marry her and raise the child as your heir. Then, everything sorts itself!" That last piece of advice earned Merlin a (relatively soft) blow to the head. "Ow," he howled.

"Are you insane?" Arthur gaped at him. "I can't."

"Why?" Merlin challenged.

"There's a million reasons!" Arthur cried. "For one thing, she's not a noble!"

"What if a long lost dead relative just happened to turn up, and he left all his money to Gwen?" Merlin suggested.

"That would be a lie. Besides, we'd have to run the papers by Geoffrey. You tried that with magic once before, remember? And it didn't work."

Merlin shrugged. "Then I'll tell Geoffrey the truth."

"There's no way he'd approve!" Arthur insisted. "He was against me allowing common men to be knights. Why would he go for your scheme?"

"I don't know!" Merlin threw up his hands. "I haven't thought everything through. I just thought of this plan about five minutes ago."

"That's obvious." Arthur scowled at him. "Also, what about Mithian? She thinks she's going to marry me."

"Tell her that you couldn't go through with it, that you love Gwen." Merlin made it sound so simple, when in fact, it was nothing of the sort.

"Oh, sure, just add another lie to the pile." Arthur glared at his warlock. "What the hell is _wrong_ with you?"

"We're lying to help Gwen. So what if we tell a few lies and break a few rules in order to do it." In Merlin's mind, there was no ethical dilemma. He couldn't understand why Arthur was acting this way.

"Alright." Arthur rubbed his temples, as it had been a long stressful day and he was getting a headache. "Let's just say, that for the sake of argument, I agree. Which I _don't_. But say that I did. There's the fact that the child will look like Gwen and Lancelot, and nothing like me," Arthur said.

"If you and Gwen had a child, it would look more like Gwen anyway, with her tan skin and dark eyes," Merlin pointed out.

"That's true," Arthur admitted.

"No one would be suspicious if the child didn't look like you. Come_ on_, Arthur," Merlin goaded.

"Do you really think we could get away with it?" Arthur asked softly.

"Yes. I do," Merlin said calmly.

"But even if we could, _I'd_ know that it wasn't my child, and that the Pendragon blood didn't run in its veins."

"I think you would learn to love Gwen's child like it was your own," Merlin insisted.

Arthur sighed. "Good lord, Merlin. I thought you were becoming intelligent. The issue isn't whether I could learn to love the child or not. The issue is that they wouldn't be of my blood, so they could not legally assume the throne."

Merlin shrugged. "What people don't know won't hurt them."

"_Mer_lin!" Arthur stared at his sorcerer as if he'd grown two heads. "What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing! I guess I thought that if you could change the law and allow magic in Camelot, if you could let Morgana attend meetings, if you could lower the taxes for the poor, and if you allowed yourself to fall in love with a poor servant boy…" Merlin trailed off. "If you could do all that, you could accept an adopted heir."

"I…" Arthur was flummoxed by Merlin's suggestion.

"Does it really matter to you that much?" Merlin wondered.

"I don't know," Arthur said quietly. "Yes, actually," he amended. "It does matter. I'd never considered adopting an heir. This would resolve the issue of my "cheating" to produce an heir. Is that why you're for this plan so much?"

"It certainly doesn't hurt," Merlin admitted. "But no, not really. I am thinking of Gwen, and what Lancelot would've wanted for her. You know that Gwen would make a brilliant queen. She knows the people, their wants and needs. She wouldn't abuse her power – she'd only want to do good for Camelot."

"Just like you," said Arthur. "I wish it could just be you and me ruling the kingdom together but that could never happen. I can change many laws, but not that one."

"I know."

"Merlin, I'll have to think about this."

"I know."

"No, you don't know!" Arthur thundered. "All my life I've been told by my father and everyone else that I and I alone had the right to take the throne when my father passed. _Me_, Merlin. Not anyone else. And why? Because I was my father's son. Because my bloodline is as royal as they come."

"You really believe that? It's almost like…"

"Like what?"

"Like you believe in that 'divine right to rule' nonsense," said Merlin.

Arthur looked down at the floor.

"Arthur?" Merlin gulped.

"What?"

"You're scaring me. Tell me I'm wrong," Merlin begged.

"It is _my_ right to rule," Arthur reminded him. "It's my destiny, like you said."

"It may be your destiny, but that doesn't mean that only a person with Pendragon blood can sit on the throne," Merlin argued.

"All my life, I've been told I was special. Until I met you. You didn't treat me like I was the future king. You treated me just like I was a regular person."

"Sorry to disappoint you." Merlin tried to crack a smile but couldn't.

"You changed my life for the better," said Arthur. "However, I truly believe that it's the God given right of my biological son or daughter to rule the kingdom after I die."

"Let me get this straight." Merlin felt their relationship was crumbling before him, just by hearing Arthur's opinion on this one issue. This was beyond Arthur being thickheaded. This was arrogance to the point of insanity. "You think that the qualifications for next heir to Camelot are for them to have the Pendragon blood in them? You think that is more important than their character, their intelligence, and their ability to rule?" Merlin looked incredulous.

"They have to have my blood in them, yes. End of discussion, Merlin."

"I can't believe it." Merlin glared at Arthur. "You really believe that God – however you define that term – picked you over everybody else to be king, and that's the reason behind your claim to the throne."

"Yes. I do."

"You can't believe that!" Merlin said desperately. "Arthur, you _can't_!"

"How did you not already know that about me?" Arthur stared at Merlin as if he was finally seeing him for the first time. "I've always believed in the concept of divine right. It was one of the only things that my father taught me that really made sense."

"I thought you didn't like anything your father did!" Merlin was beginning to raise his voice. "How could you support this idea?"

Arthur tried to explain, and his voice began to raise in volume as well. "Look. I'm the head of the aristocracy. If I didn't pass the throne down to my son or daughter, then the nobles would get the idea that they could pass their title on to people who weren't their immediate offspring. It would bring chaos to the kingdom."

"That's utter tripe and you know it. King or not, you're no more special than anyone else." Merlin knew it was a low blow, but he had to make Arthur see reason. But the insult backfired.

"I think it's better if you slept in the other room tonight," Arthur said quietly.

Merlin's heart sank. He'd almost rather have Arthur yelling at him. His king must really be furious with him if he was kicking him out of their bed. He knew as well as Merlin did that their time together was limited.

"Arthur, I didn't mean to cause a rift between us."

"So you'll forget about this Gwen nonsense?" Arthur said hopefully.

"I can't do that," Merlin said softly. "I really think we should be the ones to help her."

"I see," said Arthur. "Well, like I said, I'll think about it. Goodnight, Merlin."

"Goodnight. I love you, Arthur," Merlin said.

When Arthur didn't say it back, Merlin's chest ached as he was overcome with guilt. But he was willing to advocate for Gwen and her unfortunate situation. If spending a night away from Arthur was the price, then Merlin would gladly pay it if there was a chance that Arthur would agree to the plan.

As he reflected over the high points of their fight, Merlin finally understood why Arthur was so angry. He had to choose between his own morals and helping Merlin – the man that he loved more than life itself – as well as helping a grieving Gwen, who was like a sister to him. Uther had drilled him practically since birth that a Pendragon had to sit on the throne of Camelot or else, all would be lost. To Arthur, he thought that not having a blood heir might endanger his people. Of course, this was completely illogical to Merlin, but he imagined that it seemed quite plausible for the young king. Merlin had to trust that Arthur would make the right decision, for them and for their future. But his hope that Arthur would choose love over fear was beginning to fade.

.~.

The next morning, by the time Merlin had awakened, Arthur had already left their chambers. Merlin had always hated that, _hated_ that Arthur hadn't stayed to at least say 'good morning'. It also made him feel scared and worried that this behavior was a sign that Arthur wanted to end their relationship. It was not a logical fear, but it still persisted.

The young warlock tried to forget about his irrational fear as he dressed for the day. He quickly tidied up the room, leaving the real chores for Rowan. He was exhausted – he never slept well when he and Arthur were fighting. Running his fingers through his hair in an attempt to tame it, Merlin headed to breakfast.

Merlin ate his morning meal in the throne room with Morgana and Mithian. Arthur, of course, was nowhere to be seen. Merlin tried to put Arthur out of his mind and focus on his food. He had barely begun to dig in to his eggs before Mithian asked,

"Do you know where Arthur is? I haven't seen him all morning."

"Neither have I," said Morgana, looking curiously at Merlin.

"He promised to have breakfast with me." Mithian chewed on her lower lip, a nervous habit. "I hope I haven't done anything to upset him."

"Oh, I'm sure it wasn't _you_," said Morgana, turning her head to glare at her mentor. "Merlin, might I have a word?"

"What, now?" Merlin almost whined. He was really hungry!

"Now," Morgana said firmly. The tone of her voice made it impossible for him to refuse her.

After making his apologies to Mithian, Merlin followed Morgana out of the throne room and into her chambers.

"Explain," Morgana said tersely.

Merlin didn't try to deflect her request. He knew she was asking about what had happened between him and Arthur that made Arthur decide not to show at breakfast. "I can't tell you why Arthur's upset. Gwen made me promise to keep it a secret."

"She's pregnant," Morgana said casually. "Isn't she."

Merlin gaped at her. "Who told you that?"

"No one. I sensed the baby." There was a hint of pride in Morgana's voice at that announcement. "Apparently it has magic."

"You _what_?" Merlin looked at her in awe. "_I_ can't even to do that."

"Look, we can argue our scope of magical powers another time," said Morgana, trying to bring them back on topic. "We have to make Arthur see reason so he will marry Gwen and get to keep you in the process."

"How did you figure that one out?" Merlin asked, a little concerned about the answer. Morgana really was too sneaky for her own good. He was extremely thankful that she and her magic were on their side.

"I guessed. You just confirmed it." Morgana smirked at him. "So why is Arthur so against it?"

"Why do you think?" Merlin scoffed. "He believes in divine right, that only a person with royal blood should rule the kingdom."

"That's utter nonsense!" Morgana exploded. "If he raised an adopted heir, they would be just as prepared to assume the throne as a biological child."

"That's what I said." Merlin sighed. "He didn't take it very well. He said that he needed some time to think about it. What if he says no, and chooses Mithian? We could never be together then without him breaking his wedding vows, something he plans on taking very seriously."

"Unfortunately, Uther has drilled it into his head that only a Pendragon can rule Camelot," Morgana reminded him.

"He said that to you as well," Merlin pointed out.

"Unlike Arthur, I never took anything Uther said on blind faith," said Morgana. "Once Arthur decides to think for himself, hopefully he'll choose to marry Gwen and keep things the way they are between the two of you."

"But if he truly believes that he must marry and have a blood heir for the good of the kingdom…" Merlin trailed off, his voice catching on the word 'heir'. "Then, all bets are off."

"I'm so sorry, Merlin." Morgana gave him a hug, which he returned.

"He's not going to pick me and Gwen, is he?" Merlin said in a low voice.

"I don't know," Morgana said helplessly. That was not the answer Merlin wanted to hear.

"He'll choose duty over me, I just know it!" All the grief over Lancelot's death and the personal responsibility that he felt for helping Gwen had finally reached a breaking point in Merlin. Tucked away from the public eye, Merlin allowed himself to break down in Morgana's arms. He sobbed into her dress and she held him close. Merlin had always been there for Morgana whenever she had fears about her magic. She wanted to return the favor.

"Merlin, it will be alright," Morgana tried to soothe him as his cries began to lessen.

"How do you know?" Merlin sniffed.

"I don't," she admitted. "But you and Arthur have always worked things out in the past. There's no reason why you can't work things out this time."

"I'll try, but if he picks Mithian, it's as good as over."

They both knew that Merlin was right. Morgana had no words of comfort to give him after that.

.~.

Merlin went through the rest of the day in a haze. He spent most of the day with Gwen, who had trouble keeping down her food. Gwen's friends at the castle often stopped by, giving her their condolences. When they heard that she was having stomach issues, they assumed that she was still extremely upset over Lancelot's death. Merlin, of course, knew the real reason why she was having difficulties. The pregnancy was already affecting Gwen, which made her fall even more into a deep depression.

She had asked Merlin about what Arthur's response was to her pregnancy, and Merlin couldn't tell her that he'd asked Arthur to marry her and he'd refused. Gwen wrongly assumed that Arthur was disgusted by her condition as an unwed soon-to-be mother. All attempts by Merlin to convince her otherwise failed. So instead of helping Gwen feel better, Merlin had inadvertently made her feel worse. When her brother Elyan came to relieve Merlin and look after his sister, Merlin bolted out of there.

He took his dinner in Arthur's chambers. Merlin had almost finished his chicken soup when the door opened to reveal the king of Camelot.

"Arthur!" Merlin cried. He forced himself not to run towards Arthur, not wanting to reveal how much he needed to make up after their fight.

"Merlin," Arthur said neutrally.

They stared at each other, the tension between them filling the room. Arthur closed and locked the door behind him. "Well, I thought about it, about Gwen and everything."

"What did you decide?" Merlin asked, pleased with how calm he sounded.

"I thought long and hard about divine right and how that comes into play with my life," Arthur said softly.

"Yes?"

"Well, I was wondering, if divine right doesn't matter, how do you explain that it is my destiny to rule, to unite the lands? Is that just coincidence?"

"No!" Merlin insisted, knowing he had to tread very carefully with what he said. "You were trained to be king. You will unite the lands because the other kings will believe in you, in your vision. You were born as a prince to this kingdom for a reason, Arthur. Never doubt that."

"Thanks," said Arthur, sounding a bit relieved.

"Look. I know this is asking a lot," said Merlin. "You've changed so many outdated laws already. This would be something only you, I, Morgana, and Gwen would know."

"I know, but I'm still finding it difficult to wrap my head around accepting Gwen's child as heir to the throne."

"Arthur, how could your bloodline make a difference in how the ruler would treat their people? Look at your father and what he did with the purge!" Merlin pointed out. "It's truly a miracle that, after being raised by him, you grew into the good man that you are today."

Arthur's expression noticeably softened. "I had the help of a wise manservant who sacrificed his own glory to protect an arrogant young prince from harm because he believed in the man that he would become."

Merlin's heart leaped at that. Perhaps Arthur was going to side with him! Merlin knew it was demanding a lot from him. It would be a tough decision for sure, to go against something that had been ingrained in him since a very young age. Then again, he'd reversed the ban on magic. Should Merlin dare to hope?

"I've mulled this over for quite a few hours."

"And?"

"Perhaps divine right isn't the only answer. Perhaps it is my destiny to adopt Gwen's child, to groom them to be the next great monarch." Arthur finally grinned at his sorcerer. "Ah, what the hell. I'm going to take your advice and marry Gwen."

"Really?" Merlin's face lit up. "But why? What made you change your mind?" If Arthur was doing this for the wrong reasons, Merlin knew it would eventually tear them apart. He had to be sure.

"Because of what you said to me just now. It finally hit me. I realize now that the concept of divine right is as archaic as the ban on magic." Arthur reached out his arms to Merlin. "It also didn't hurt that if I married Gwen, I know that she would let us be together."

Merlin jumped into Arthur's waiting arms. He couldn't believe it – he was getting Arthur forever! His lips met Arthur's and they kissed like there was no tomorrow. Inevitably, things began to heat up between them. Merlin was really enjoying himself when Arthur kept doing _that_, but a tiny voice reminded them that they still needed to work things out.

"Wait. As much as I want this, we need to figure this out," Merlin insisted, reluctantly pulling away.

"Do we _have_ to?" Arthur tried to persuade Merlin otherwise, but the warlock stood firm.

"Arthur, you're supposed to propose to Mithian tomorrow," Merlin reminded him. "We need a plan."

"Alright. We'll make Gwen a noble somehow," said Arthur. "Are you _sure_ she'll agree to marry me? She won't be getting a devoted husband."

"She will," Merlin promised. "This is her best option. It saves her from marrying someone else that would want her to be a real wife. That's the last thing she wants."

"We'll have to keep up appearances, of course," said Arthur. "For all intents and purposes, she'll be my consort."

"Of course," Merlin agreed. "I know Gwen's still grieving over Lancelot and she will be for some time. But what if Gwen eventually finds someone else?"

"She could take them as a lover," said Arthur. "It only matters that people believe that she and I are sleeping together before the child is born if we're to convince everyone that they are my heir."

"Would you tell the child when he or she grew up that you weren't their real father?"

"I don't know." Arthur mulled it over. "If I raised them, would it really matter? If you, me, and Gwen raised the child, they would have three dedicated parents – that's two more than you or I got."

Suddenly, they heard a clatter from outside the door.

Arthur reached the door first, unlocked it, and yanked it open to reveal a wide-eyed Princess Mithian and an empty goblet on the floor. She slowly backed away from Arthur. It was clear to both men that Mithian had been eavesdropping on them. As to why, it didn't really matter. If she'd heard the most critical part, Arthur, Merlin, and Gwen were done for.

"How much did you hear?" Arthur asked.

Mithian didn't answer. She just turned tail and ran.

"Mithian! Wait!" Arthur cried but it did no good. The princess bolted down the corridors like a fire had been lit under her.

"She must have heard everything. What do we do now?" Arthur asked Merlin, despair evident in his voice.

Merlin could give him no answer.

.~.

End Chapter 16

A/N: Hahaha I've left you with a cliffie most evil! I know, I know, I killed Lancelot. I'm sorry, but it was for the good of the plot.


	17. An Arrangement

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind.

.~.

Chapter 17: An Arrangement

.~.

_The next morning_

Merlin had a near sleepless night, out of his mind with worry. Arthur didn't fare much better. They both wondered what would become of them if Mithian told her father about their secret relationship. If word got out that the king of Camelot had taken up with his Court Sorcerer, they wouldn't be able to continue secretly seeing each other. More than likely, Merlin would have to be banished. It was too horrible to think about.

Arthur couldn't think of a way out of their situation. Merlin suggested that Arthur go to Mithian and beg her not to tell anyone about them. Then he should promise her that he'd still marry her and remain faithful. Arthur didn't see any other option. He only hoped that the princess hadn't already informed her father. If that had happened, they were done for. Arthur didn't really think that would work, but he supposed that he should try.

Unfortunately, Mithian was nowhere to be found. She didn't come to breakfast. Instead, she sent her handmaiden to tell them that she was not to be disturbed, and that she was planning on staying in her room for the rest of the day. But Arthur had work to do, meetings to attend, and documents to sign. But the dread he'd been feeling over Mithian discovering his relationship with Merlin persisted throughout the day.

After taking dinner together in the throne room, Arthur and Merlin went back to the king's chambers and began to unwind from their long days. When Mithian showed up at the king's chambers, Arthur barely concealed his surprise.

"Mithian!" Arthur greeted her with a stammered "H-hello."

"May I come in?" The princess asked, her expression neutral.

"By all means." Arthur looked warily at her. A blushing Merlin immediately got to his feet, muttered an apology, and slipped around Mithian to leave the room. Arthur was on his own.

"How much did you hear last night?" Arthur asked.

"Everything of importance," said Mithian.

"I thought so." Arthur gulped, and put all his chips on the table. "I will pay you whatever you ask if you do not repeat what you have heard. I will marry you as planned and we'll just put this whole thing behind us. What do you say?"

"I can't do that," said Mithian.

"Well. It was worth a try." Arthur gave her an apologetic look. "I'm sorry you had to find out about Merlin and I like that."

"You were planning on deceiving me."

"Yes," Arthur said softly. "I beg your forgiveness."

Mithian ignored his plea. "How long have you been with your servant?"

"I suppose it doesn't matter now what I tell you," Arthur said bitterly. "You'll tell your father everything."

"I believe I deserve to know," Mithian said coolly.

Arthur nodded. "That's fair. We've had five wonderful weeks. We've loved each other for far longer."

"And you've been able to keep your love for your servant a secret all this time?" Mithian pressed.

Arthur wasn't sure why she wanted to know about his secret life with Merlin, but plagued with guilt, he answered her. "Until now, yes. But I promised to marry you, and on my honor I will keep that promise – if you'll still have me. As soon as we marry, I'll stay away from Merlin for good."

But Mithian was having none of it. "I can't marry you now, knowing what I know."

"Why?" Arthur asked, the sinking feeling in his stomach growing.

"Because I'm in love with someone else too," Mithian confessed.

"_What_?" Arthur yelped. This was the _last_ thing he'd imagined she would say. As if things couldn't get complicated enough!

Mithian blushed. "You're not the only one who's in love with a commoner."

"Merlin's not a…" Arthur trailed off, ever ready to defend his lover's status. "Never mind, that doesn't matter. Who are you in love with?"

"His name is Francis. I've known him since we were children," Mithian explained. "As we grew older, we became very close. But he had no money, so he left my land to seek his fortune about a year ago. I never knew what happened to him until I came here. He has a job as stable hand. We reconnected a few days ago and he proclaimed his love for me." Mithian shrugged helplessly. "I don't know that I could have been faithful to you now that I know his feelings for me. I was just coming to tell you that when I overheard you and Merlin talking. You know, you really should keep your voices down. It wasn't that hard for me to hear you."

"This is unbelievable," Arthur muttered, extremely relieved that she wasn't going to spill the beans about him and Merlin. "Just when I thought today couldn't get any stranger."

"I spent the day with Francis becoming 'better acquainted'. That's why I stayed in my room all day," Mithian explained with a blush. "When I heard about you and Merlin, I thought that perhaps I could do the same." Mithian gave him a hesitant smile. "Bring Francis home with me, have him work as a personal guard, or another position where he'd be with me for most of the day."

"So you're completely sure that you don't want to marry me," said Arthur, wanting some clarity.

"I might have married you out of duty. But now that I have Francis, and I know about your feelings for Merlin…" Mithian gave him a true smile. "I believe that it would be foolish of us to marry. I think it would be a brilliant idea if you married Guinevere."

"You _do_?" Arthur just stared at her.

"Yes! You'd be saving her from a fate worse than death, and gaining a wife and queen in the process. Not to mention you'd still have Merlin." She gave him a true smile, not the practiced polite smile he'd seen for the past few days.

"So you won't tell anyone about our plan," Arthur said.

"I won't tell a soul," Mithian promised before she added her stipulation. "But only if you can help me get Francis transferred to accompany me home."

"I will come up with something to do just that," Arthur vowed. "And if I can't arrange it, I know of a warlock who can."

"Thank you, Arthur. We both know we'll be ever so much happier if we don't marry each other."

"You took the words right out of my mouth." Arthur took her hand and gently kissed it.

Mithian smiled happily. "You and Merlin. It makes sense," the princess said.

"Would you have figured it out, if you hadn't overheard our plan?"

"Probably not," said Mithian. "Love between men is not something I usually look for."

"Fair enough," Arthur nodded, relieved that his feelings for Merlin weren't obvious to _everyone_.

"Good luck."

"You too."

"I guess this is goodbye," said Mithian. "I hope we'll meet again someday."

"I'd like that," said Arthur.

Arthur cordially kissed her hand and then Mithian walked out of his life.

.~.

Merlin waited until Mithian had left Arthur's room before returning.

"Well?" Merlin said anxiously, confused by Arthur's grin.

"She's not going to give anything away."

"That's great!" Merlin enthused after being pulled into Arthur's arms. "But why?" Arthur recounted the whole story about Mithian's secret love.

"So she was going to be struggling with being faithful as much as you would have been," said Merlin. "Who would've thought it?"

"Not I," said Arthur.

"Let's go find Gwen and tell her about our offer," Merlin suggested.

"Can't it wait until tomorrow?" Arthur begged.

"Why?"

"_Mer_lin."

Merlin chuckled, perfectly understanding what Arthur meant. "Yes. It can."

Arthur grabbed Merlin and pushed him down on the bed. He had no intention of letting his sorcerer go.

.~.

_The next morning_

Arthur and Merlin went to visit Gwen after breakfast. Her brother was sitting with her, and was happy to see them. Elyan had bags under his eyes, which told them he hadn't been sleeping well. Of course Gwen was still beside herself with grief for the death of her fiancé, but Elyan had been close friends with Lancelot as well. As knights, they shared in a brotherhood that ran as thick as blood. He was grieving as well, and desperately needed a break.

After bidding Elyan farewell, they slowly approached Gwen. She took one look at Arthur, shrank back from him and attached herself to Merlin's neck.

"Gwen, it's alright," said Arthur.

"No, you're disgusted by me," Gwen sobbed. Arthur stared at Merlin, completely confused. Merlin just shook his head. The day before Gwen had asked what Arthur thought of her pregnancy and Merlin couldn't give her a straight answer because as of then Arthur had not agreed to marry her. So Gwen had assumed that Arthur couldn't bear to be associated with her due to her 'condition'.

"Arthur's still your friend, Gwen," Merlin insisted. "Nothing could ever change that."

"But he knows I'm p-p-pregnant," Gwen stammered as she stumbled over the last word.

"Guinev_ere_," Arthur said softly, his voice commanding her to look at him.

She pulled away from Merlin to look at her king. Tears streaked down her tan cheeks as she stared at Arthur.

"I don't think any less of you because you're pregnant," Arthur insisted.

"You-you don't?" Gwen sniffed.

"No. Not at all."

"Oh," said Gwen. "But Merlin said…"

"Merlin's an idiot," said Arthur, which led to Gwen half-sobbing and half-laughing. "I care for you a great deal, Guinevere. I don't like to see you hurt."

"And neither do I," Merlin added.

"I'm the king and I have the power to do a great many things but I can't bring Lance back from the dead," Arthur said heavily. "But there's something that Merlin and I can do to help you, if you'll let us. Will you hear me out?"

Gwen nodded.

"Right." Arthur took her hand in his and gently massaged it in hopes that his touch would calm her. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Merlin and I have a plan for you. In order for the plan to work, I must have you declared as part of the nobility. We have the power to make that happen."

"The nobility?" Gwen asked. "But why?"

"Because I wish to marry you." Arthur gazed deeply into her eyes. "I want to raise your child as our own. Then your child will have a father and a future."

"But if I married you, that would make me…" Gwen gasped. She couldn't finish the sentence.

"Queen," Merlin helpfully supplied. "Yes. You would be the queen Arthur and I have been spending all month searching for."

"But I can't!" She protested.

"Why not?" Arthur wondered.

"What about Merlin? I wouldn't want to take anything away from your time with him. If we were husband and wife, I would have to be by your side almost every moment."

"That is the general idea," said Arthur. "Guinevere, your friendship means the world to me, and to Merlin. I think this is a happy solution to our problem. I need an heir, but I want to keep Merlin. You need a husband, and more importantly a partner to help you raise the child. I want to both be involved in helping you do just that. And, of course, Merlin wants to help as well."

"You two would do that for me?" Gwen said weakly.

"Yes," Arthur and Merlin said in unison.

"But I would be your… I mean, I can't be _queen_. I haven't had any training and I don't like speaking in public and…"

"You'll be amazing – most women would be drunk on that kind of power but you're already doubting yourself in that role." Arthur gave her a kind smile. "It's because of that doubt I know you'll make a fair ruler. Sure, you'll need some formal training, but the main thing is you will have the peoples' best interests at heart."

"I think Lancelot would have approved of our plan," said Merlin. "He would have wanted us to help you."

A look of pain surfaced on Gwen's face, but she said "I think you're right." Then, for the first time since Lancelot's death, she smiled. "Oh, it sounds too good to be true! Are you sure you won't change your mind?"

"I wouldn't have asked you if I wasn't sure," said Arthur. "I'll be your husband if you'll have me."

"Yes," said Gwen.

Arthur pulled her in for a hug.

Then Merlin realized what time it was, and announced that he was late for teaching. He looked at Arthur as if to ask 'will you be alright without me?'. Arthur gave him an answering look that said 'I can handle it'.

Merlin made his apologies to Arthur and Gwen, and then sped out of the room to attend to the magic school.

"Arthur, I don't know if I'll be much help as your queen at first," Gwen admitted. I will be mourning Lancelot for a long time. He was the love of my life. It will take me awhile to adjust to this new life."

"That's fine. I expected that," Arthur reassured her. "I'll help you through it, and Merlin will too. We just need to marry as soon as possible so that everyone believes that the child is mine."

"How soon?"

"As soon as the castle staff can prepare for a royal wedding," said Arthur. "Once I announce my intentions to marry you, it will take a week to make the preparations."

"A week?" Gwen said weakly. "I don't know if I can do it."

"I can't delay it any longer," Arthur said regretfully. "I promised the council that I would declare my future queen in a month after they ruled to repeal the law against magic. That month is up today. Besides we need to be wed quickly if the people are to believe that your child is mine."

"What about Mithian?"

"She doesn't want me," said Arthur.

"Why?"

"She's in love with someone else." At Gwen's surprised look, Arthur held up his hands, not wanting to recount it. "It's a long story. Don't worry about her; she's much happier not marrying me."

"Well, that's good at least," Gwen muttered. "I don't know if I can do it, Arthur. It would be dishonest – I'm no noble. How could you accept my child as the heir to the throne?"

"Do you really think that matters to me?"

Gwen gave him a perceptive look. "I thought it would, yes."

"It mattered to me until last night," Arthur admitted. "Then Merlin knocked some sense into me."

"Then who am I to refuse? For the sake of my child, I'll do it," Gwen vowed.

"Thank you," Arthur said, relieved he wouldn't have to do any more convincing.

"You do realize this plan is insane, right?" Gwen asked.

"Yes," said Arthur. "What do you expect?" He snorted. "It was Merlin's idea."

"Won't it raise some eyebrows that I'm going to marry you so soon after Lancelot's death?"

"Probably," Arthur admitted. "But you don't have much other choice if you want your child to have a father."

"So for all intents and purposes, legally I'll be your wife."

"Yes. Then Arthur's expression turned playful. "As long as you aren't expecting a wedding night…"

Gwen said the first thing that came to mind. "Only if you bring Merlin along."

"Guinevere!" Arthur stared at her, flabbergasted.

She blushed as she realized what she'd said. "Sorry. Only joking."

Arthur laughed long and hard at that, shocked by her sheer cheek.

Gwen gave him a slightly mischievous smile. "Thank you, Arthur." She placed her right hand on his cheek. "With Lancelot gone, this is the best scenario I could have hoped for."

"You're welcome, my lady." Arthur gently kissed her hand, which touched Gwen. She cherished any form of affection bestowed upon her since Lancelot's death. She would enjoy growing closer to Arthur as they figured out how to live together as husband and wife who were just friends. They'd be juggling a child and a Merlin in the process.

"Queen of all Camelot." Gwen shook her head. "That will take some getting used to. I suppose I could get used to having a position of power and influence to help our people."

"You'll be a natural," Arthur assured her. "After all, you know the needs of the people just as well as I do, if not more so."

"Will I have to wear a crown all the time?"

"Not if you don't want to." Arthur hid a smile. He wasn't fond of wearing his overly heavy crown, even if Merlin told him he loved seeing him wearing his symbol of authority. "Only when court is in session."

"Will I have to move into your chambers?"

"Yes, for now. I think it would be best to keep up appearances," said Arthur. "Once we can announce your pregnancy, I will give you your own set of chambers to live in."

"And then Merlin will move into yours," Gwen teased.

"That's the plan," the king said with only a slight blush.

"I hope you know how lucky you are to have him, Arthur," said Gwen. "Merlin has always been devoted to you, almost from the very start."

"I know," Arthur said quietly. "I don't know how I didn't notice it before. Merlin… he's amazing. I know I don't deserve him, but it's me he wants. Who am I to deny him happiness?"

"He's besotted by you," said Gwen.

"And I with him. We'll have to work extra hard to make our marriage seem like we've consummated it," said Arthur.

"Well it's not unheard of if kings take servants to bed, even when they are married," Gwen reminded him.

"True," Arthur considered. "I'd rather not be known for infidelity, though."

"It's either that or you stay away from Merlin during the duration of our marriage."

"I'll take the infidelity label." Arthur sulked. "There's no _way_ I'm staying away from Merlin for that long. I'd never make it!"

Gwen chuckled at Arthur's fervent admission. "I'd never ask you to stay away from the man you love. If there's one thing I've learned from Lance's death is that _you never know_." Her eyes filled with tears as a fresh wave of grief swept over her body. "You might have fifty years left with the one you love or you might have one day. Don't take Merlin for granted, Arthur. You'll never know how much he means to you until you lose him."

"I won't," Arthur promised. "I won't take you for granted either – my queen and my friend."

Gwen cleared her throat, wanting desperately to lighten the mood. She appreciated Arthur's sincerity, but the way he spoke reminded her too much of Lance. She decided to ask about one of the possible difficulties in their plan. "So about my nobility…how is that going to happen exactly?"

Arthur chuckled nervously. "I'm not quite sure. I have to ask Geoffrey a favor. He can fix your papers to make it look like a long lost relative on your mother's side left you a great deal of money and a title. If he agrees, it will be smooth sailing. If he doesn't, well…" The king frowned. "Then I may have to have Merlin work his magic."

"You're putting me on," said Gwen. When Arthur didn't respond right away, she narrowed her eyes at him. "_Right_?"

"Of course I'm just joking!" Arthur laughed, but deep down he wasn't so sure. Could he ask Merlin to enchant Geoffrey to make the papers for Gwen? He hoped it didn't have to come to that. Hopefully, Geoffrey would see reason.

"Thank you again, Arthur – for everything," Gwen said sincerely.

"You're welcome." He reached for Gwen's hand and squeezed it. Then it was time to go.

Arthur bid Gwen farewell and returned to his duties, happy that Gwen had agreed to become his queen. It seemed like their plan was going to work after all. As long as they could convince Geoffrey.

.~.

_Later that day_

Arthur and Merlin went to pay a visit to Geoffrey of Monmouth. He was the only person in the kingdom who could verify the validity of a nobleman or noblewoman's genealogy documents. They needed him on their side if they were to grant nobility to Gwen, thus allowing her to be eligible to marry Arthur.

They met Geoffrey down in the old, dusty library near the dungeons, telling him that the king needed his expertise with something. After they exchanged pleasantries, Arthur explained what he wanted to happen to Gwen. She needed a false title and she needed it immediately.

"Let me make sure I understand what you're asking of me," the old scholar said slowly. "You want me to legitimize Guinevere - the _servant_ \- as a noble by declaring a long-lost relative on her mother's side of the family."

"Yes," said Arthur.

"That's all," Merlin added.

"That's all?!" Geoffrey cried. "Committing said act would be illegal. Sire, what is the _meaning_ of this?"

Arthur laid it out for him. "I want to marry Guinevere, and I can't do that unless she's of noble birth. That's where you come in."

"Why her? Why don't you marry an actual noblewoman?" Geoffrey asked. "I thought you were going to marry Mithian."

"Mithian doesn't wish to marry me. I have no more time left to court another princess. The allotted month to marry set down by the council has passed, an initiative that you supported," Arthur reminded him. "Guinevere is willing to agree to an arrangement. Once she provides me with an heir, she's willing to look the other way so I can be with Merlin."

"So this is really about your relationship with Merlin." Geoffrey stared at them with discerning eyes.

"No, not completely," said Arthur, reaching for Merlin's hand in support. "This is about fulfilling my duty to Camelot _and_ fulfilling my duty to my heart. In my mind, Gwen is the best candidate to be our queen. She understands the needs of the people just as well as I do. She's fair, she's kind, and she brightens a room just by being in it. She'll never abuse her power as my consort. Not only that, but she'll make a wonderful mother of my child. We'll have a very practical arrangement. Once she conceives and bears me an heir, she's promised to let me live out the rest of my days with Merlin."

"And she's agreeable to marrying so soon after Lancelot's death?" Geoffrey frowned. "I find that hard to believe."

Merlin audibly gulped. Both he and Arthur knew this was one of the weak parts of their plan.

"I told her that the council insisted that I marry my queen as soon as possible," Arthur lied smoothly. "She was willing." Of course, Arthur needed them to marry as quickly as possible so that everyone would think that Lancelot's baby was actually his. They could easily explain the baby being a few weeks early, but more than that and people might become suspicious. Arthur didn't want anyone to question the validity of his heir. They _had_ to marry as soon as possible or else the plan would never work.

"Merlin, how do you feel about all this?" Geoffrey asked.

The young warlock shrugged. "I'm all for it. Gwen's our friend. She wants to help us, and we want to help her. Now that Lancelot has died, her priorities have shifted a bit. She wants to influence the future of Camelot and she can hardly do that as a servant. She wishes to have a position of power. To me, it makes sense to make her queen."

"I see," Geoffrey said quietly. "What about your devotion to Arthur? Are you sure it's worth all this trouble?"

"Absolutely," Merlin said without missing a beat. "You know, I could've just enchanted you, had you draw up the papers without any memory of doing it. But I didn't."

"Why not?" Geoffrey asked, starting to feel the slightest bit afraid. He'd heard of Merlin's legendary powers and didn't want to test him.

"Because Arthur asked me not to," Merlin said seriously. "He believed that if we explained ourselves that you would see the logic of the situation and agree to our terms."

This wasn't exactly true. It was against Merlin's morals to enchant anyone to make them do his bidding. But if he _pretended_ that he wanted to enchant Geoffrey, it could influence the man's decision to help them. It wasn't blackmail, not exactly. He preferred to think of it as 'creative persuasion'.

"Is this the only time you'll ask me to produce false papers declaring someone of noble birth?" Geoffrey asked.

"Yes," Arthur promised. "Please remember that I wouldn't be asking you to do this if it wasn't completely necessary. I love Merlin more than life itself, and want to continue my relationship with him. I'm also committed to doing my duty as king of Camelot, and taking care of my subjects. This is the best way that I know how to achieve both of those things."

Geoffrey regarded them both closely. "I wonder what Gaius would have said about all of this if he were still alive."

"He probably would have tried to talk me out of it," Merlin said honestly. "But then when he realized my motivation, and the strength of my love for Arthur, he would have supported us."

"Hmm," said Geoffrey. "I don't know," he mulled. "This request is highly irregular."

"That it is," said Arthur, who then got down on one knee.

To Merlin, it almost looked like he was proposing marriage to the old man. The young warlock forced himself not to laugh, as the situation they were in was quite serious.

Arthur calmly held Geoffrey's gaze. He really hoped this idea would work, because he couldn't think of any other options. "I submit myself to you, Geoffrey of Monmouth, and beseech you to help us. All I want is to be with Merlin. Haven't you ever felt that way about someone, that you love them more than life itself?"

"That I have," Geoffrey whispered. "My wife passed a few years ago. She was very dear to me. I couldn't imagine having to go to all this trouble just to live my life with her. I understand why you wish to do this, Arthur." He paused, then glanced at the king and his sorcerer. "Very well. I'll draw up the papers tonight."

"You will? I mean, thank you!" Arthur enthused. "You don't know what this means to me!" He almost hugged the old man, then thought the better of it. Instead, he went for the handshake. Geoffrey firmly shook it. Then they stood there awkwardly before Merlin pulled on Arthur's arm, catching the king's eye.

Earlier, they had agreed to play up the love angle so they could distract Geoffrey from the real reason why they wanted Guinevere as the queen. It seemed like it had worked!

"You've been very helpful," Merlin said, nodding at the old scholar. "We appreciate it very much."

"I hope you know what you're doing, appointing a servant girl as the queen," Geoffrey said, his voice hinting at disapproval.

"So do I," said Arthur. "When will the documents be ready?"

"Tomorrow morning," Geoffrey promised. "I'll start on them right away."

"I'll be there," said Arthur.

They bid Geoffrey a quick farewell. As they ascended the stairs from the library, Merlin let out a whoop of joy. "We did it! Wow, I didn't think he'd go for it."

"Me either," Arthur admitted. "But he did! I guess my appeal to his emotions really worked."

"So what now?" Merlin asked. "Besides telling Gwen."

Arthur grinned at him. "Now comes the easy part. Tomorrow, we announce the marriage to the kingdom."

.~.

End Chapter 17

A/N: No cliffie this time. Please continue to review – it really does make my day. Thanks!


	18. Forever Friends

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. The tone switches a lot in this chapter, from serious to funny to serious again. I hope you like it, especially the funny parts.

.~.

Chapter 18: Forever Friends

.~.

_The next day_

Guinevere was overjoyed when Arthur and Merlin gave her the news that Geoffrey of Monmouth had agreed to forge papers to make her part of the nobility. It seemed that a long lost relative on her mother's side had just died and left all of his money to his closest surviving family member. Geoffrey had poured over old genealogy texts before (falsely) proving that the money and the title belonged to Gwen.

She pretended to be extremely shocked when given this news. It was the talk of the castle that Gwen, the servant, suddenly had her status lifted to that of noblewoman. This, of course, made her qualified to marry King Arthur. Word had spread that Princess Mithian and Arthur had had a falling out. People began to speculate who the lucky woman might be who would be given the honor of marrying Arthur and becoming queen of all Camelot.

They did not have long to wait to find out. That afternoon, Arthur called an impromptu meeting of the council and the female members of the nobility in the throne room. He also allowed several servants who were close friends with Gwen to be present. Morgana and Merlin eagerly watched as Gwen joined Arthur at the front of the room. Arthur took her hand in his, proclaiming her as his equal before the entire court, much like he'd done with Merlin when he'd announced him as Court Sorcerer.

"People of Camelot, I come before you today with the most happy news," Arthur began. "I'm here to announce that Guinevere is eligible to become my wife and queen." The whole room buzzed with exclamations of surprise or outrage.

Arthur cleared his throat and gave the crowd a stern look. The crowd quieted almost immediately. "Guinevere and I have known for some time that there was a strong possibility that she was related to the nobility on her mother's side. Geoffrey was given her closest relative's death certificate, and was able to prove that she is descended from his house. This, of course, makes Guinevere part of the nobility and eligible to marry me. That is, if she'll have me." Arthur stared at Gwen with a fond look. They shared a long glance, with Gwen calmly accepting her fate of living in the spotlight until the rest of her days.

"Guinevere, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife and queen, and hopefully the mother of the heir to the throne?" Arthur asked.

"Yes," Gwen said simply. Arthur pulled her in for a hug, and he held her there for some time. About half of the room clapped their approval, and the other half just stared at the couple, dumbfounded. They hadn't been expecting this at all. Surely Arthur would've picked a princess that, with their marriage, would add more land to the kingdom. Who was this servant-turned-noblewoman and why had she caught the prince's eye?

"When is the wedding?" One of the elders asked.

"Our wedding will be one week from today at high noon," Arthur replied. "You are all welcome to attend."

"What about Sir Lancelot? Wasn't the lady Guinevere supposed to marry him?" Arthur's least favorite councilman asked. He still very much supported Uther's old ways of doing things. His cold stare gave Gwen the shivers.

Gwen and Arthur shared an uneasy look.

"That is an extremely personal question," said Arthur, with a bit of a frown. "The fact is that Guinevere and I are to be married in a week. No more questions. Thank you."

He led Gwen by the hand and they escaped out the servants' door from the discerning eyes of the noblemen and noblewomen. Merlin and Morgana shared a worried glance. Arthur had been unprepared for that question, and he came off sounding insensitive to Gwen's loss. The fact that Arthur had answered for Gwen and then pulled her out of the room didn't look very good.

"What if people think that Arthur forced her into marrying him?" Merlin worried.

"Women are coerced in to marriages that they don't want all the time," Morgana said flippantly. "It's unfortunate, but that's the way it is. Some people may believe that Arthur pressured her into it, but the gossip will die down in a few days."

"I hope so," said Merlin, but he wasn't so sure.

.~.

In total contrast to the happy announcement, Merlin and his friends attended a somber occasion that same day. That afternoon, they held a funeral for Lancelot. Arthur knew that Gwen needed some closure, and frankly so did he. They had no body so they couldn't give him a proper send-off. However, Arthur had gathered the knights and other people who were close to Lance for a memorial service. Morgana and Merlin stood on either side of Gwen, supporting her while Arthur presided over the service.

Arthur gave the eulogy, focusing on Lancelot's service as a knight. The king also mentioned the close friendship he'd had with Lancelot, and how knowing him had made him a better king. Arthur talked about how Lancelot had been the one to change his mind about allowing common-born men to be eligible to take the test for knighthood. Lancelot had demonstrated his bravery time and time again, and Arthur had always been impressed by his dedication to serving and protecting the people.

Then Arthur asked if anyone wanted to share stories or say a personal goodbye to Lancelot.

Everyone was eyeing each other nervously, not wanting to go first, so Merlin volunteered. Merlin spoke about how trust-worthy and non-judgmental Lancelot was, that he'd felt comfortable enough to tell the knight about his magic before he had told anyone else. He spoke about how Lancelot had been nothing but supportive, and willing to keep his secret even though he should've reported Merlin to Uther. He spoke about how he helped Lancelot acknowledge his strong feelings for Gwen and then profess his love for her.

Several of the knights stood up and spoke about their friendship with Lancelot and how they were losing a brother in knighthood. The mood was quite grim until Sir Gawain decided to speak. Gawain told a funny story about one night where they gotten Lancelot extremely drunk. The young knight had confessed his love for Gwen, fervently insisting that he'd rather cut off his own penis than cheat on her. This anecdote made Gwen chuckle a bit, but it mostly made her sad.

Finally, it was Gwen's turn. She spoke of how gallant Lancelot was, how he would help people with no thought of reward and that's how he left this world, sacrificing his life so others could live. She spoke about her love for him, and how she would miss him until the day that she died. She wanted to keep talking, but she broke down in the middle of her speech. Merlin handed her off to Arthur, as the king was her fiancé. He needed to be seen taking care of her in public.

Merlin closed the ceremony, thanking everyone for coming and honoring Lancelot. People began to shuffle away in small groups. Merlin watched from a far as Arthur escorted Gwen back towards the castle. He didn't feel even the slightest pinprick of jealousy watching them together. Merlin knew that Gwen was no threat to their relationship. He was happy to see Arthur taking care of her – she deserved that, especially so soon after losing the love of her life. Merlin was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't notice Rowan coming towards him.

"Merlin," the man acknowledged him with a nod.

"Rowan, thank you for coming," said Merlin, warmed by the unexpected presence of his and Arthur's personal servant. "Did you know Lancelot?"

"Yes, I knew 'im. We only spoke a few times, mostly when I was tacking up his horse. But he was always kind to me, a lowly servant." Rowan smiled wryly. "He was a good man – there aren't many out there like him."

"You're right." Merlin agreed. "He was unique."

"A few days ago I talked to him about my feelings concerning your relationship with the king," Rowan began. "Lancelot said that he didn't believe you and Arthur were doing anything wrong, that you had the same kind of love between you as the love he had with Gwen. It made me think – if a knight of Camelot could have that opinion, perhaps I could eventually adopt the same attitude. I just wanted you to know that."

"Thank you," Merlin said softly.

"That doesn't mean I agree with what you and the king are doing," said Rowan. "But I'm trying to do my best to accept it."

Merlin nodded. He was really drained from the memorial – it had taken an emotional toll on everyone who attended. His brain wasn't quite up to sorting out Rowan's comments, but he supposed that Rowan had meant well. After thanking the servant again, Merlin returned to the safety of Arthur's chambers, where he found Arthur and Gwen waiting for him.

.~.

"I'm so glad that's over," Gwen moaned as she flopped onto the bed. "I know that sounds horrible. But it was awful, breaking down like that in the middle of a speech."

"It wasn't that bad," Merlin insisted.

Gwen gave him a look.

"Okay, so you didn't get to finish your speech. That's alright. Everyone could tell how much you loved him."

"Thank you, Merlin," Gwen said gratefully. "It _was_ nice to have a little closure. I think Lance would have liked it."

"It was a nice tribute to his memory," Arthur agreed.

"Especially Gawain's story," Merlin added. "I know it was supposed to be a somber occasion, but you have to admit, that was pretty funny."

"It was," said Gwen, allowing a faint smile to grace her dark features. "I'd never heard that story before. Probably because Lance was too embarrassed to tell me about it. I wonder what else I never knew about him."

Sensing a melancholy mood in Gwen, Arthur sent word with a guard to bring them some food from the kitchens. Food always made _him_ feel better. Hopefully it would help Gwen feel better too, at least temporarily.

"You know, I just thought of something," said Merlin, sitting next to Gwen on the bed as they waited for the food to arrive. "It's about your wedding."

"What about it?" Arthur asked.

"You're going to have to kiss Gwen after the priest has pronounced you husband and wife," Merlin reminded him. "I think you should practice."

"That's really weird hearing you encouraging me to kiss Gwen," Arthur complained. "Although it's probably a good idea that we practice. We wouldn't want to look like we're doing it for the first time. That would look more than a little suspicious."

"Alright," said Gwen. "Shall we?"

"What, now?" Arthur blanched.

"No time like the present," said Merlin, sounding incredibly amused about the whole thing.

Arthur shot an annoyed glance at Merlin. Then he decided to go ahead and go for it. Arthur and Gwen slowly moved their heads closer together. Arthur turned his head a bit to the right so he could capture her lips without their noses getting in the way. They continued to lean in, with Arthur closing the distance between them. Her lips felt soft, but foreign. This was _definitely_ not Merlin! Arthur quickly pulled away, wincing. He hadn't enjoyed himself at all.

Gwen had a similar reaction. "You're not Lancelot. I feel like I'm betraying him when I'm kissing you."

"I'm sorry," said Arthur. He held her close as she cried again, looking over her shoulder at Merlin, who sympathized. "It wasn't great for me either."

Gwen chuckled at that. "I can't do it for you since I'm not a certain dark-haired warlock?"

"Pretty much, yeah," said Arthur.

They all had a good laugh at that.

Merlin had them practice kissing two more times.

"I suppose that's good enough for the ceremony," said Merlin as he watched Arthur and Gwen wipe off their mouths with their sleeves. "You two should be able to pull it off."

"I think we will," said Arthur, smiling at his soon-to-be queen, who looked rather uncomfortable. "What's wrong?"

"Please don't make me give a speech during the wedding," Gwen begged. "I'll be so nervous already. A speech might push me over the edge."

"No speeches," Arthur promised. "Just your vows. All you have to do for those is repeat what the priest says."

"I can do that," said Gwen, relieved.

"You know, I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'm really looking forward to the wedding," said Merlin. "It will officially seal the deal, that your child will be known as the heir apparent when it's born."

"I'm looking forward to it too," said Arthur. "I'll be marrying my female best friend."

"And I'll be marrying the kindest king in the world," Gwen said. "That you would go to great lengths to marry me, it's just so selfless."

"I'm no saint," Arthur insisted. "Marrying you is great for me and Merlin."

"I know," said Gwen. "But still. I will always miss Lance, but a small part of me is excited to begin my new life with you."

"Me too," said Arthur, pulling Gwen close for a friendly hug.

"Long live King Arthur and Queen Guinevere," said Merlin, before they included him in their hug.

.~.

The day of Arthur and Gwen's wedding had quickly arrived. Gwen's nerves began to overwhelm her. Her emotions were running haywire. She was feeling guilty for marrying someone else other than Lancelot, she was worried how Merlin would handle the marriage, and she was scared of becoming queen. She decided to go see Arthur, hoping he could help to alleviate her worries.

"I thought it was bad luck for the bride to see the groom before the wedding," Arthur teased as Gwen approached him, waiting in the servants entrance off the throne room. She had chosen to wear a different gown than she would've worn for her wedding with Lancelot. It was a simple golden dress, but she still looked quite nice.

"I don't put stock in that particular tradition," said Gwen. "I came to see how you were feeling. I'm quite nervous myself. I can't stop thinking about Lance. I feel like I'm betraying him, but I also want my child to have a father." But Arthur's attention had wandered completely. "Arthur?" She pressed, trying not to be offended that he was ignoring her. "What's wrong?"

"Huh?" Arthur looked confused, then came back to himself. "Oh, yes - sorry. You look beautiful," he added, just a tad too late. "I was just-"

"Thinking about Merlin?" Gwen gave him a knowing look.

Arthur colored. "Sorry. I just wish that…"

"Both of us wish that we were marrying other people," said Gwen. "When we're saying the vows, I won't hold it against you if you think of Merlin as long as you don't hold it against me if I think of Lance."

"Good," said Arthur, relieved. "We'll get through this day, Gwen – I promise. You aren't alone. I'll be by your side the entire time."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Oh, God," Gwen moaned, holding her head in her hands. "I'm really going to do this."

"You'll be fine. If you trip, I'll just have Merlin erase the event from everyone's minds," Arthur joked.

Gwen chuckled at that, which was Arthur's intent. "You're right. It will be fine. I'm just being stupid."

"No, you aren't," Arthur reassured her. "I'd feel the same way if I were in your shoes."

"Do you think that if Lancelot is watching from above that he'll hold this against me?"

"No," said Arthur. "He'd want the best life for you and your child."

Gwen nodded. "That makes sense."

"If Lance can see this, I know he'd be very proud of you for making this alliance with me," said Arthur. "You're not sitting around moping about your lot in life, you're taking advantage of the opportunity this is giving you. You'll be able to help so many people when you become queen."

"You're right," said Gwen. "Alright. I think I'm ready to marry you."

"I'm glad," said Arthur with a small smile. "You'd better go. I need to join my best man out there."

"Go stand next to Merlin. It's where you belong," said Gwen.

"I'll see you soon," said Arthur.

Gwen nodded at him before disappearing.

Waiting on a cue, Arthur walked out to the front of the throne room to stand next to Merlin. They nodded at each other and waited for Elyan to escort Gwen down the aisle.

.~.

Arthur and Gwen had a beautiful wedding, with no major snafus occurring. (Unless you count several of the candles falling over and starting to burn a tapestry. Merlin didn't count that, as he'd quickly used his magic to put out the fire.)

When it was time to say the vows, Arthur snuck a glance at Merlin before repeating the priest's words. He had told Merlin earlier that while the rest of the crowd believed he was promising himself to Gwen, he was really in truth promising himself to Merlin. The young warlock was touched by Arthur's promise, and he might have teared up when his king vowed to love his wife for the rest of their lives. He knew what Arthur truly meant. The rest of the ceremony passed quickly enough, and soon it was time for Arthur and Gwen to kiss. They shared a chaste kiss and the crowd roared its approval. Arthur led his new bride out of the throne room and suddenly the wedding was over.

The feast following the wedding was quite scrumptious. Merlin didn't remember exactly what he ate, only that he had plenty of meat, cheese, bread, fruit, and wedding cake. He overindulged a bit with the amount of wine he drank, but he figured what the hell. It's only once that you watch the love of your life marry your other best friend. There was much dancing and a toast to the new couple. As soon as it was socially acceptable, Arthur and Gwen left the party. Merlin followed them soon after.

.~.

The trio escaped to the privacy of the king's chambers.

"We did it!" Gwen exclaimed, giddy with relief as she hugged Arthur, then Merlin. "It's done."

"And there were no major mishaps during the wedding except the candles almost setting the entire hall on fire," said Merlin. "Good thing I have quick reflexes."

"You're going to be my queen," Arthur said with a grin.

"Yes," said Gwen with a small smile. "I can't believe it."

"No thanks at all? None?" Merlin asked.

"Oh, yes thank you for preventing a fire," said Gwen, finally realizing what Merlin had said. She nudged Arthur, who promptly said,

"Huh?"

"Nevermind him, Gwen," said Merlin. Apparently Arthur hadn't been paying attention. "So when's the coronation?"

"Not for another two weeks probably," said Arthur. "The servants and kitchen staff need some time to rest before I ask them to prepare for another large event."

"That's very nice of you to think of their needs," said Gwen.

"Yes, well, I have quite an appreciation of how hard servants work," said Arthur, looking at Merlin, to Gwen, then back to Merlin. "Tell me. Aren't you even just the _slightest_ bit excited about going to be queen?"

"A little bit," Gwen admitted. "Every poor young girl dreams about becoming royalty. But I'm mostly excited that my child won't grow up a bastard, that we'll be part of a real family."

"You know, we still need to make sure that the public knows that you two have consummated your relationship," said Merlin. "Just so that when the child comes early, they'll believe that he or she is truly a Pendragon."

"How are we supposed to do that? Pretend to have sex and hope someone walks by and hears us?" Arthur said sarcastically.

"That's a great idea!" Merlin exclaimed. "My, my, Arthur. You're a genius."

"I wasn't being serious," Arthur protested. "Were you?"

"Perfectly serious," said Merlin. "I'm glad that you've come to this conclusion on your own. Gwen and I had discussed this earlier, and we believe that it's a good idea."

"What?" Arthur cried. "Gwen, you can't support this."

"The people need proof that this is your child," said Gwen, patting her stomach. "I'm all for it."

"You really think that is necessary?" Arthur just gaped at them, expecting Merlin to start laughing for pulling such a good joke.

"Yes," Merlin and Gwen said in unison.

"You're pulling my leg."

"We're not," Merlin insisted. "We want to leave no doubt in the mind of any citizen that the baby is yours when it comes early."

"Why can't you just tell people you heard us doing it?"

"Because that's hearsay. We need someone to believe for sure that you two did it," said Merlin. In case the people don't believe the child is Gwen's, that person could swear that it was because they heard you."

"Please, Arthur?" Gwen begged. "For my peace of mind?"

"Alright," Arthur sighed. "But Merlin has to leave."

"Why do I have to leave?" Merlin whined.

"Because I can't have fake sex with Gwen with you in the room!" Arthur gestured wildly as his face began to heat up.

"Ohhh," said Merlin with an exaggerated wink. "Well, if you two need some alone time, I won't get in the way."

"MERLIN!" Arthur growled. "That's not… that's not…" He sputtered and turned to his new wife. "Are you _sure_ this is necessary?"

"Yes," Merlin and Gwen said in unison.

"Oh, alright." Arthur gave up. "So how is this going to work?"

Merlin laid it out for him. "My plan is to go down to the kitchen and grab Caelia. She's a cook with magical abilities, the one that helped Morgana save us from that sorcerer. She's also the biggest gossip in the entire castle. If we walk by and hear you sounding like you're doing it, it won't be long before the whole castle will know."

"Great," Arthur muttered sarcastically.

"Come on, Arthur – it will be _fun_!" Merlin laughed as Arthur glared at him.

"I don't know about _fun_, but even I have to admit that it will be a bit amusing," said Gwen.

"I'll leave you to it. Don't break him," Merlin warned.

"I won't," Gwen promised. "You'll get him back in working order."

"Oh for the love of God," Arthur groaned. "Just kill me now."

Cackling with glee, Merlin left Arthur alone with his new wife.

.~.

"Well, come on, then," said Gwen. "We've got to practice."

"This is stupid," Arthur muttered.

"Arthur," Gwen warned.

"Fine," the king said sullenly. He wasn't really sure what he was supposed to do, so he improvised. "Oh, Gwen! Oh, oh, oh." Arthur moaned as he rocked on the bed, getting it to squeak loudly.

"Like you mean it," Gwen sighed. "You sound about as enthusiastic as a eunuch. That's not going to convince anyone."

"Well, excuse me!" Arthur looked offended. "I've never pretended to have sex with a woman before."

"Just make the noises that you usually make with Merlin," Gwen suggested.

"What?" Arthur cried.

"How else are you going to sound convincing?" Gwen gave him a stern look.

"I don't know what I sound like when I'm with Merlin!" Arthur threw his hands up. "Good lord - this is so em_bar_rassing."

"Alright. Maybe we need a different approach. Let's start again," said Gwen.

She and Arthur started another long chorus of 'oh's' and they jumped on the bed, effectively producing a strong squeaky noise.

"Oh, Merl-" Gwen covered his mouth.

"Mmmph," Arthur said in surprise.

"Really?" Gwen said, slightly annoyed.

"What's wrong?" Arthur was genuinely confused. "I was getting in to it."

"Saying Merlin's name isn't going to cut it, Arthur." Gwen glared at him.

"Oops? Did I really say Merlin's name?"

Gwen let out a suffering sigh. "Yes you did. Let's start again."

.~.

Thankfully when Merlin and Caelia, the gossip queen of the castle, walked by the king's chambers, they were able to hear loud noises that sounded quite convincing.

"Oh my!" Caelia cried as they continued to listen to Arthur and Gwen 'going at it'. "This is noteworthy news. Thank you for telling me about this, Merlin. I've got to tell my friends!" She scampered off, leaving Merlin alone in the hallway. He tried hard not to laugh as he listened to Arthur and Gwen. Deciding he'd had enough, he knocked on the door and entered.

Merlin returned, to find Gwen giggling like mad and Arthur's face burning as if he'd been out in the sun all day.

"I really hope someone heard that because I _never_ want to do that again," Arthur growled.

"Yes, Caelia and I definitely heard you," said Merlin, sniggering. "It will be all over the castle that you two have wedded and bedded."

"Fantastic," said Arthur, heavy on the sarcasm.

"You should be proud of your fake sexual prowess," said Merlin. "I know _I_ am."

"Can I talk to you?" Arthur grabbed Merlin and dragged him away. "Excuse us one second, please, Gwen."

Arthur pulled Merlin into the adjoining room.

"Don't be mad me," Merlin protested. "It really was necessary."

"No, it's not that." Arthur sighed. "I just had an awful thought. What are we going to do when we want to have sex and Gwen's sleeping in the next room?"

"Lock the door and tell her to leave us alone?" Merlin suggested.

"_Mer_lin, this is a potentially serious problem!"

"You're right," Merlin conceded. "We're completely fucked," he said with a straight face.

"Really, Merlin?" Arthur was growing tired of Merlin's flippant attitude.

"Hang on. I think I've got a solution."

"Oh thank God," Arthur muttered, glad Merlin was taking this seriously for once. "Let's hear it."

Merlin gave Arthur a completely deadpan expression. "You'll just have to stop being so vocal during sex."

"What? _Me_?" Arthur cried. "What about _you_? You're much louder."

"I don't think so," said Merlin. "I distinctly remember what you yelled out a few days ago. You said-" Arthur clamped his hand around Merlin's big mouth.

"Don't you dare," Arthur warned. "Gwen's just in the next room."

Merlin nodded, and Arthur slowly removed his hand.

"Or I could put some sort of impenetrable spell on the door, so she can't hear us," Merlin offered.

"Can you really do that?" Arthur said, in awe.

"I think so," said Merlin. "It shouldn't be a problem."

"Why didn't you bring that up in the first place?" Arthur growled.

"I dunno." Merlin smirked at him. "Watching your reaction was much more fun."

"Very funny. Come on. Gwen's probably worrying about us." Arthur grabbed Merlin arm and pulled him back into the main chambers.

"Is everything alright?" Gwen asked when they returned.

"Yes. We just had to figure something out. It's fine," said Arthur.

"You must want me go to sleep in Ygraine's old room. I'll grab my things," said Gwen, erroneously guessing what they'd been talking about.

"Gwen, wait," Arthur insisted.

"Yes?"

"It's your wedding night. I would like it if you slept here with me, just for tonight. Merlin can take the bed in the other room."

"Oh, no, I couldn't," Gwen protested.

"I don't want you to be alone tonight," Arthur said quietly. "You're facing a new situation, a new life. You deserve some comfort." He didn't bring up Lancelot's death, but it was insinuated.

"But what about Merlin?" That was Gwen, always thinking of other peoples' feelings before her own.

"I agree with Arthur," said Merlin, even though he and Arthur had never discussed this situation. "I want you to feel welcome here. You are Arthur's wife after all."

"Yes but you're his lover," said Gwen. "In public I come first, but in private you should _always_ come first."

"You'll get a much better night's sleep in Arthur's bed," said Merlin. "It's so comfortable. And don't worry, he won't grope you in your sleep. Much."

"Merlin," Arthur said, annoyed. "I don't grope you in your sleep."

"How do you know?" Merlin pressed. "You're asleep when you're doing it!"

"Because I would never…" Arthur realized that he was ignoring Gwen. He abandoned his fight with Merlin. "Look, Guinevere, you're sleeping in my bed tonight. End of discussion."

"Alright," said Gwen. "I really do appreciate it."

.~.

Everyone went through their nightly routines. Merlin kissed Arthur goodnight and went to the smaller room. Arthur and Gwen climbed in to Arthur's king-size bed together, and tried to get comfortable.

"I'll do my best to stick to my side of the bed. If you need anything, feel free to wake me up," said Arthur.

"I'll be alright," Gwen promised. "Goodnight, Arthur."

"Good night, Guinevere. Sleep well."

Arthur was almost asleep when he heard a voice calling his name.

"Arthur?" Gwen said timidly.

"Yes?"

"I can't sleep. Can I bring Merlin back in here?"

"I would like that. We could finally have that threesome." Arthur quipped, with which he followed with an "I'm joking." The last thing he wanted was for Gwen to get mad at him for being insensitive. She had to be missing Lancelot, and she was a lot closer to Merlin than she was to him.

Arthur got up and went to Merlin's room. He returned with a sleepy Merlin, who sat on the bed next to Gwen and held her tightly. "It's alright, Gwen," Merlin said softly. "I'm here. Arthur's here." That was about all he knew he could say.

"I'm sorry," Gwen sniffed. "I don't mean to keep you two up. "I just can't stop thinking about what my wedding night would've been like if I'd married Lancelot."

"We understand," Arthur said quietly while Merlin rocked her in his arms. "You're still mourning what might have been."

"It's alright to be sad," said Merlin. "I was practically inconsolable when Gaius died. It took me weeks before I felt normal again. And he was just my mentor. I can't imagine if…" He trailed off. He couldn't imagine how he would cope if Arthur died. Perhaps he would feel like a soldier who'd lost a severed limb, as Arthur was a part of him. He didn't want to think about it.

"Why are you and Arthur still alive and together and Lance and I aren't?" Gwen cried. "What did we do wrong? Why were we parted so young?"

"You did nothing wrong," Arthur assured her. "Accidents just happen. There's no rhyme or reason to it. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"You know, I was jealous of you and Lance because you didn't have to hide your relationship," Merlin admitted. "Arthur told me I was being an idiot."

"You _were_ being an idiot," Gwen said sternly. "It wasn't our fault that you and Arthur couldn't be openly together."

"I know," said Merlin. "It was misplaced jealousy. "But never for a second did I wish that your and Lancelot's relationship would fail. I liked and respected Lance very much. I wish I could've prevented his death, especially for you."

"I just want him back so badly! I miss him all the time." Gwen sighed. "I wish he could have been alive to meet his daughter or son."

"Lancelot will always be their true father, but Arthur and I will do our best to stand in," Merlin promised.

"Absolutely," Arthur added. "We want to help raise your child in the best way possible."

"Oh. About your baby – it has magic." Merlin casually brought up a topic that he'd been dying to talk about.

"Really?"

"Yes. Morgana sensed its presence a few days ago. I sensed it just now," said Merlin. "How do you feel about that?"

"Surprised," said Gwen. "I don't think there's anyone on both sides of my family that have that gift. I'm also excited that he or she'll grow up here and learn how to use magic properly."

"Morgana and I will enjoy teaching your child," said Merlin. "We've already got a spot reserved in the magic school for when they're old enough to attend."

"Thanks for letting me know. Just when I thought my life couldn't get more exciting," said Gwen.

"According to my mum, you'll really have your hands full raising a magical baby," said Merlin.

"I'll bet," said Gwen with a snort.

"But we'll be here to help you," Merlin vowed. "Right, Arthur?"

"Right."

They talked for a while longer before Gwen was ready to go to sleep. At Gwen's insistence, Merlin slept in the big bed with her and Arthur. Now, this bed was made for two, not three. Gwen slept between the men, leaving her with plenty of room, while Arthur and Merlin felt like they might fall off the edge of the bed at any moment. Thankfully this was a one time deal, because this arrangement was not conducive to their sleep. Merlin and Arthur finally drifted off, glad that they could help a friend in need.

.~.

Gwen was already gone by the time Merlin woke up. She left a note saying that she was going to spend some time with Morgana. Merlin figured Gwen needed someone to talk to about her lingering feelings for Lancelot, and she felt like she'd already burdened Arthur and him enough.

There was a knock at the door, and Merlin rushed to answer it. He hoped that it was Caelia, telling him that the rumor about Arthur and Gwen had already spread throughout the castle.

It was indeed Caelia. Merlin was thrilled to see her. "So did the rumor spread, that Arthur and Gwen have definitely consummated their marriage?" Merlin asked.

"Yes," said Caelia.

"That's brilliant!" Merlin pumped his fist in the air. Caelia just shook her head at Merlin's strange antics.

"Merlin, there's more," Caelia added.

"What do you mean?"

"Another rumor grew out of the first – I'm not sure how. I certainly didn't start it. I'm sorry, Merlin. I figured you should know, so you can personally inform the king." She whispered the new rumor to Merlin, who paled after hearing it.

"It's not true," Merlin said, shaking. "How could anyone believe that of Arthur?"

"I don't know." She shrugged helplessly. "I just thought you should know." She then made an excuse to leave.

Merlin walked back into the room, as if in a daze.

"Good morning, Merlin," said Arthur with a yawn. "Has Rowan brought breakfast yet? I'm starved."

"I-I've got something I need to tell you," Merlin said, his lower lip trembling. "I was just informed by Caelia about a new rumor that's being circulated around the castle about you. You're not going to like it."

"Did someone find out about you and me?" Arthur asked, suddenly terrified.

"No, it's not quite that bad," Merlin realized.

"Then, what?"

Merlin winced. "Some people are saying that you had a hand in Lancelot's death because you were secretly in love with Gwen. Then, with Lancelot out of the picture, you married Gwen a week after."

"They've got it _so_ wrong," sighed Arthur. "What do you think we should do?"

End Ch. 18

A/N: Finishing this one was like pulling teeth. I hope that you enjoyed it. Reviews are great! Let me know if you got a kick out of the funny part.


	19. Long Live The Queen

9

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind.

.~.

Chapter 19: Long Live The Queen

.~.

(Recap)

"_I-I've got something I need to tell you," Merlin said, his lower lip trembling. "I was just informed by Caelia about a new rumor that's being circulated around the castle about you. You're not going to like it."_

"_Did someone find out about you and me?" Arthur asked, suddenly terrified._

"_No, it's not quite that bad," Merlin realized._

"_Then, what?"_

_Merlin winced. "Some people are saying that you had a hand in Lancelot's death because you were secretly in love with Gwen. Then, with Lancelot out of the picture, you married Gwen a week after."_

"_They've got it so wrong," sighed Arthur. "What do you think we should do?" _

"We could always say nothing and just wait for the rumor to die down," Merlin suggested.

"Yes, but really I don't want my subjects to think that I killed Lancelot," said Arthur.

"This isn't as bad as you think," Merlin insisted.

"Why?"

"Because at least people believe that you're in love with Gwen. If they didn't, the rumor would've never gotten started."

"I suppose that's good," said Arthur. "At least they haven't found out about us."

"What a relief, right?"

"Merlin, I appreciate your positivity, but… I feel like I should address this rumor. Stop it before it gets out of hand."

"Yes, but if you address it, then you are showing people that it has merit, and that you have to discredit it."

Arthur sighed. "So what do you think I should do?"

"I have an idea." Merlin whispered it to Arthur.

"_Mer_lin." Arthur stared at him in disbelief. "You did the exact same thing last time you wanted to spread a rumor. Caelia is going to figure out that you're trying to manipulate her."

"Just like you figured out that I was secretly using my magic _for years_ to save you from all manner of attacks. Oh, wait," said Merlin. "You _didn't_ figure it out."

"Good point," Arthur conceded. "Very well. See if you can get Caelia to spread a new rumor."

"I will."

"Oh and Merlin?"

"Yes?"

"Just out of curiosity, how many times _did_ you use your magic to save me without my knowledge?"

"Wow, look at the time!" Merlin exclaimed. "I've got to go, Arthur. See you later!"

Arthur just shook his head as Merlin ran out of the room. Perhaps it was better for everyone that he didn't know the exact number of times.

.~.

A few days later, Merlin was giving his pupil Caelia some one on one instruction on how to strengthen her shielding charm. They just happened to walk by Gwen and Morgana while they were having a discussion about Gwen's feelings for Arthur. (Of course, the whole thing was staged.) Merlin and Caelia hid behind a large statue so they could eavesdrop.

"As I was saying, Arthur knows that what I feel for him isn't what I felt for Lancelot," said Gwen. "I have a strong friendship with Arthur – it's not a deep abiding love."

"Who's to say those feelings of friendship couldn't turn into something more over time?" Morgana suggested and Gwen laughed, knowing that would never be true. "I heard you two are quite active in bed."

"Arthur needs an heir, and I'm happy to give him one," Gwen said diplomatically.

"I'll bet you had a special wedding night," Morgana teased.

"It was quite interesting," said Gwen, remembering the antics of the night, where she and Arthur pretended to have sex. Merlin had arranged for Caelia to walk by their door and overhear them. She quickly spread the news throughout the castle that the king and queen had consummated their marriage. Gwen had been so relieved – now she didn't have to worry about people thinking that her child wasn't Arthur's son.

"Arthur is a very attractive man. Did you know that I fancied him before I met Lancelot?" Gwen said truthfully, adding that detail to the conversation to make it sound more believable.

"I'd forgotten that," said Morgana. "You don't think… oh this is stupid."

"What? Tell me," Gwen urged.

"You don't think Arthur had a hand in Lancelot's death?"

"No. I don't," Gwen said firmly. "He cares very much for me, and I can't see him wanting me hurt, thus he wouldn't harm the man that I loved. Besides, he was one of Lancelot's closest friends. Arthur is also still grieving for Lance."

"So why did he want to marry you so soon after Lancelot's death?" Morgana pressed.

"He wanted to make sure that I was provided for. I'm sure he also found me preferable to the other women, as we already knew and respected each other."

"So he didn't force you into it."

"No, not at all. We both decided that it was the best course of action for everyone involved," said Gwen. Of course, 'everyone' also included Merlin.

"Wow," Caelia breathed after the women had walked away. "What a story! I was really lucky to get to hear that," remarked the girl. "Come to think of it, I was with you the last time I found out a good tidbit of gossip."

"What a coincidence," Merlin said with a straight face.

"I've got to go tell the cooks what Gwen said! I'll work on my shielding charm tonight. Thanks, Merlin!" Caelia hurried off and Merlin grinned to himself. If it worked last time, it should work again. But he couldn't always depend on Caelia. She'd start to get suspicious if she kept 'overhearing' interesting things all the time. Hopefully he wouldn't need to counter any more rumors.

.~.

By the next day, the newest rumor had swept throughout the castle. Everyone was relieved to hear that Arthur hadn't had a hand in Lancelot's death. Most of them hadn't wanted to think their king was capable of such an action.

Thankfully, no new rumors concerning Arthur and Gwen had emerged. The servants and cooks were simply too busy getting the castle ready for Gwen's coronation. Merlin had excused all those who worked in the castle from attending school so they could assist with the preparations. It was good practice for them to use their magic to help with the chores, and it put everyone else ahead of schedule. All over the castle, the magic users were praised for speeding things up.

Meanwhile, Gwen was doing her best to memorize a speech that she was going to give to the crowd as soon as she was crowned queen.

"I don't know if I can do this," she muttered as she tried for the fiftieth time to remember what she was supposed to say next.

"Just bring your notes with you," Arthur suggested. "You can glance down at them in case you forget anything."

"You didn't use notes when you gave your first speech as king," Gwen pointed out.

"No, but I didn't have any time to prepare. Remember, my father had just died," Arthur reminded her. "I just sort of made that speech up as I went along. It wasn't one of my better ones."

"I thought it was fantastic," Merlin said helpfully.

"I'm trying to prove a point here, Merlin," said Arthur.

"Oh, so sorry I gave you a compliment. I take it back." Merlin glared at Arthur. "Your speech was horrible. I just didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to hurt your feelings. Oh, wait… you don't have any."

"_Mer_lin!" Arthur complained. "Was that necessary?"

"Sorry." Merlin clapped Arthur on the shoulder, and Arthur shrugged him off, pretending to be offended. "Gwen, I think you should use your notes. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Yes," Arthur agreed. "When I gave my first couple of speeches to the public, I used notes. But I soon learned to memorize what I was going to say. Those speeches went better because I wasn't always glancing down at the paper – I was really talking to the people."

"That makes me feel _loads_ better," Gwen said sarcastically.

"Use your notes," Merlin advised. "At least you'll be prepared. You can work up to giving a memorized speech in the months to come."

"Thank you, _Merlin_," said the future queen, shooting Arthur a glare that could've frozen water. "You're much more supportive than my own husband."

"What did I do?" Arthur stared at them, dumbfounded. "I was being encouraging. What more do you want?"

"Never mind," said Merlin and Gwen in unison. They shared an exasperated look, and then changed the topic of conversation to something else.

.~.

It was the night before the coronation. Arthur and Merlin were getting ready for bed early, as the ceremony was to be at first light. At the moment, Gwen was spending time with Morgana, but she would be back soon. Merlin was taking advantage of the time that he had with Arthur, relaxing in the king's bed until Gwen returned and he had to move to the adjoining room.

Arthur was currently thumbing through the pages of his mother's diary until he found the next entry.

"Can I read it sometime?" Merlin asked as he looked over Arthur's shoulder, trying to catch a glimpse of the diary.

"I've got a better idea," said Arthur. "Why don't I read it to you?"

"That sounds great," said Merlin, beaming at his king.

He and Merlin got settled in bed, with Arthur's arm curling around Merlin as he placed the diary in front of both of them. Arthur cleared his throat and began to read.

_Diary Entry Three_

_Ygraine here. Today I went riding with Uther. I deliberately wore breeches just to see what he would say. To his credit, all he said was that I looked nice. After we mounted our horses, I took off immediately, leaving him in the dust. However, he soon caught up with me. We raced each other to a clearing where Uther had us stop and eat. _

"That's the same spot that I always take you," said Arthur. "My father took me there a few times when I was young. It's the best place to set up camp in the woods." He continued reading.

_To my surprise, he unpacked our supplies and set up the food himself. I told him I was amazed that he hadn't brought a servant, to which he replied that he wasn't completely useless and that he wanted to be alone with me. Affronted, I crossed my arms and informed him that I wasn't that kind of woman. Apparently, I had misunderstood him. He blushed stating that he meant that he just wanted to spend time with me and get to know me better. I apologized. He accepted. We actually had a stimulating conversation about the pressures of ruling a kingdom and being in the public eye all the time. _

"See! Your father didn't force your mum into anything," Merlin said, poking Arthur in the side. "He was a perfect gentleman."

"That's a relief," said Arthur, ignoring Merlin's jabs. "I did wonder about that." He continued on.

_We also talked about our last meeting. I asked him why he was so rude to me. He said he was taken aback by my beauty and that he'd had several bad experiences with beautiful women of the nobility. Apparently he's had his heart broken more than once. The last one cheated on him two days before they were supposed to be married. He said it was wrong of him to assume that I would be like the rest, and that it was difficult to give me a fair chance. I told him that I was glad that he had._

"I didn't know that your father had been cheated on," said Merlin with a frown. "Did you know that, Arthur?"

"No. My father never spoke of anyone that he'd courted before my mum. I had no idea," said Arthur. "I almost feel sorry for him."

"I don't know if I'd go _that_ far," said Merlin. "But it sheds a little more light on why he ordered the purge. It sounds like he'd never been loved by a woman other than Ygraine. She was so special to him that he completely lost it when she died giving birth to you."

"That doesn't make it right," said Arthur. "But I understand him a little better now." He quickly read the last part.

_As the sun began to set, Uther began packing up. We rode back to the castle and Uther bid me goodnight. He kissed my hand and I felt a tiny jolt at his touch. I swear my heart skipped a beat as our eyes met. Startled, I pulled my hand away. Stammering an excuse, I fled to my chamber. As I stretched out on the bed, I realized that I had gone on an outing with Uther Pendragon and had actually enjoyed it. Stranger things have happened. There might be more to Uther than I originally thought. We shall see._

"That's the end of that entry," said Arthur, closing the book and placing it on his nightstand.

"It sounds like she's already starting to fall for Uther, but that she's too scared to admit it," said Merlin. "I remember feeling that way, realizing that there was more to you than meets the eye. Not that you aren't easy on the eyes. I mean-"

"_Mer_lin."

"Shut up?" Merlin suggested, his blue eyes sparkling with mirth.

"You guessed it." Arthur pretended to sound stern, but failed miserably.

They gazed at each other for a long while, both happy just to be together. Both king and warlock had no other place that they'd rather be, than here in each other's arms. Arthur ran his hand through Merlin's hair and Merlin sighed as he leaned into the touch. They didn't need words to express how they felt for each other.

Merlin and Arthur dozed as they waited for Gwen to return but she never did. Unbeknownst to them, Gwen had decided to spend the night in Morgana's chambers. She knew she wouldn't sleep well no matter what and had decided not to burden Arthur with her tossing and turning.

Arthur and Merlin fell asleep in the same bed, for the first time since the wedding.

.~.

Merlin was enjoying a deep sleep when he was rudely shaken awake.

"MERLIN!" Arthur cried.

"What? What's wrong?" Merlin said with alarm. "Is there an intruder?"

"You humiliated me!" Arthur growled. "How could you?"

"It's the middle of the night!" Merlin glared at Arthur. "How could I have possibly humiliated you?"

"We were in the forest and you used your magic to-"

"Arthur." Merlin interrupted him. "You were dreaming."

"Oh. I guess I was. Right." Arthur blushed just a bit, but didn't apologize for waking his sorcerer.

"Sorry, Merlin, I didn't mean to interrupt your sleep," Merlin said in a falsetto voice. "You're so amazing to put up with me. You're the best warlock in all the land."

"Don't push it," Arthur warned.

"Okay, okay. Go back to sleep." Merlin rolled over and was just about to fall asleep when Arthur nudged him.

"_Mer_lin."

"Ugh, _Ar_thur," Merlin protested. "I'm tired."

"Please?"

"Fine. What was the dream about?" Merlin asked, knowing he'd never get to sleep until Arthur told him about the dream.

"I was trying to pull a sword out of a stone, just like in the old legend said only a worthy person could. My subjects were gathered around me, watching to see if I could do it. Then, I did it and everyone was clapping. I felt so proud of myself! But later I found out that it wasn't me doing it at all." Arthur glowered at Merlin. "It was your magic that allowed me to pull out the sword."

"Huh." Merlin shrugged. "That's surprisingly detailed for a dream."

"It was so real!" Arthur exclaimed. "My subjects, they believed a lie. I believed a lie."

"It was just a dream. It didn't actually happen."

"Yes, but it brings up something I've been wanting to know for a while now," said Arthur. "How much of what I've accomplished in the years that you've been with me did I actually do? How much of it was you and your magic?"

"Does it really matter?" Merlin asked.

Arthur nodded. "You avoided the question earlier today. I want you to give me a straight answer."

Merlin sighed. "Arthur, I've lost count how many times I had to use my magic to save you."

"So most of the magical creatures that I thought I'd killed were really dispatched by you."

"Yes," Merlin admitted.

"What about the tournaments?" Arthur wondered. "Did I win any of them without your help?"

"Of course you did!" Merlin insisted. "Arthur, you're the best swordsman in all the land. You're also unbeatable at jousting."

"So I won all of them by myself?"

"Most of them," Merlin admitted. "Don't worry - I just took care of anyone who was cheating and using magic against you."

"Well if _that's_ all." Arthur scooted closer to Merlin. "I suppose I should be grateful," he said quietly. You saved my life countless times, with no thought of reward."

"Having you live to see another day was reward enough," Merlin whispered.

"Why'd you have to go and say something nice like that?" Arthur whined. "Now it's really hard for me to stay mad at you."

Merlin grinned. "I know. That's why I said it."

"I suppose it doesn't even matter. I just wanted to make sure that I'm not completely useless."

"How could you think that?" Merlin asked. "Arthur, you're the best king Camelot's ever had and it's only been little over a month."

"You really think so?"

"Yes." Merlin suppressed an eye roll.

"Oh. That's good."

"Now can we please go back to sleep now?"

"Good idea," said Arthur. "Goodnight." He was just about out before he heard Merlin call his name.

"Arthur!"

"What?" The king grumbled.

"I just thought of something."

"Now who is keeping who awake?"

Merlin ignored the comment. "I was thinking about Gwen having her baby. When she does, she's going to have to get up at all hours of the night to take care of him or her. We'll never get any sleep! Also, there will be a nurse or maybe two that will be coming in and out of our chambers all the time to help with the baby. How are we going to find time to be together?"

"You idiot." Arthur gently smacked him on the side of his head. "The nurse will take the baby at night. When I was a baby, that's what happened to me."

"I can't see Gwen letting that happen," said Merlin. "I think she'll want to be a 'hands-on' mother."

"Then she and the nurse can sleep elsewhere," said Arthur.

"Oh," said Merlin. "Well then, I guess there's not a problem."

"No," said Arthur. "We won't have to deal with any of that. I really need a good night's sleep so that I can focus well the next day. I wouldn't want to slip during sword training or miss hearing something important at a council meeting."

"We'll make sure you get your sleep," said Merlin. "I'm the same way – I get cranky the next day if I don't get enough sleep."

"Speaking of sleep, we should probably get some."

"You're right," Merlin agreed. "Goodnight, you prat."

"Goodnight, you idiot."

As they both drifted off, Merlin privately thought that he'd willingly be Arthur's idiot until the day he died.

.~.

_The next day_

Gwen's coronation went off without a hitch. She bravely walked down the aisle, kneeling in front of Arthur, who placed the bejeweled golden crown upon her head as Geoffrey announced her as the new queen of Camelot. When she stood up, she rose as the new co-ruler of the kingdom. To be honest, the thought of having all that power was still really intimidating to her. But she knew she would get used to it, for the sake of her child. The new queen delivered her speech quite well, only glancing down at her notes a couple of times. Merlin was really proud of Gwen as she publicly vowed to help the people who needed it most.

He snuck a glance at Arthur, who caught his eye. Merlin couldn't help but wish that it was _he_ that Arthur was taking as his consort. If things were different, he could have been the one to rule at Arthur's side. But it was not to be. Merlin had to be content with their current arrangement. For the most part, he was. Gwen was more than happy to give Arthur and Merlin have some alone time together. As Court Sorcerer, Merlin had a position where he could influence how the kingdom was run. It was enough. He had to admit, King Arthur and Queen Guinevere had a nice ring to it.

Then Merlin's thoughts turned to the not so distant future. He thought about Gwen's baby and how the birth of an heir would change their lives. It would be a big adjustment, but he knew that he and Arthur would be able to adapt. Arthur had his duties and he had his magic school to run, but they both wanted to be a part of the child's life. Gwen was bound to have her hands full with a magical baby, even with the help of a nurse. Arthur and he had promised to help out with the baby when they could.

A sudden burst of applause brought Merlin back to the present. Gwen had finished her speech, which had really appealed to the crowd. He watched as Arthur escorted Gwen up the aisle and out of the throne room. The crowd began to disperse and Merlin weaved his way through the people, stopping to chat with a few of them. As he headed for Arthur's chambers, Merlin suddenly realized that he was very hopeful about the future. His and Arthur's destiny was just beginning, and Merlin was excited to see how it all played out. Unfortunately, he couldn't shake off the feeling that some great evil was just biding its time to take over Camelot. But Merlin didn't want to dwell on it. His students were improving every day. Arthur's knights were in tip top shape. If trouble did come to Camelot, they would be ready.

Merlin entered the king's chambers and gave Gwen and Arthur a celebratory hug. He stayed in Arthur's arms and Gwen remarked about how cute they were together, and that she was glad that they had such a solid relationship. It was true that Arthur and Merlin's relationship had been almost effortless to maintain even during the busy past few weeks. Arthur was ruling the kingdom as he saw fit, and his confidence had grown. Merlin was heading the magic school and helping so many people learn how to use their gifts for good. They were both happy with their lives and with each other.

But the good times couldn't last forever. There was still the threat that the evil sorcerer had warned them about. Merlin couldn't forget it, even if Arthur had dismissed it as an empty threat. Little did Merlin know that his and Arthur's relationship was to be tested in a way more terrible than any of them could imagine.

.~.

End Chapter 19

.~.

End Part I

A/N: So this is the end of Part I. I need to take a little time to outline my plans for the rest of the story (Part II) before I post another chapter. I've got a lot of cool stuff planned and I want to make sure that I don't forget something and that everything happens in a logical order. Thanks to everyone who is sticking with me! I hope everyone has a great holiday and an even better new year.


	20. Author's Note concerning Part II

A/N: Just a quick update on what I have planned for Part II of _Merlin's Struggles_.

I'm not sure how long Part II will be, but I'd say at least ten chapters. This part will be somewhat darker than Part I so you have a fair warning on that. Merlin and Arthur will be dealing with an evil sorcerer and dark magic. But there will be plenty of scenes between M&amp;A, so there will be even more development about their relationship. There will be some plot twists and turns, so hang on for the ride!

There won't be much detail on Gwen's pregnancy, as this is a Merthur fic and focuses on Arthur and Merlin's relationship. Also, my OCs Rowan and Caelia will be developed more.

If you have any ideas for Part II, leave them in a review. I can't make any promises that I will use them, though.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed for Part I. You guys really keep me motivated! I hope to reach 100 reviews soon. I love the positive comments, but constructive crit is also welcome.

Hope you guys have a great holiday and look for the next chapter in January of 2015! Keep spreading the Merthur love!

Also check out _Do You Hear What I Hear_, a small little piece of Merthur fluff I wrote just for the holidays.


	21. The Great Divide

11

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: This second and final part of _Merlin's Struggles_ is going to be a bit darker than the first. The first scene doesn't feature Merlin or Arthur, but it is setting things up for a confrontation between them, and sets a theme for the rest of the story. Please read this first scene carefully, as not to miss all the details.

A/N2: Woohoo, I've reached over 80,000 words! That's a lot of Merthur, folks. I enjoyed every minute of it.

A/N3: I know this chapter is super late, but it was just really hard to write – possibly because it's darker than usual. I want to thank my mom, my dad, my sister, and my boyfriend for helping me figure out what I wanted to convey in this chapter. I was really stuck, and their help was truly invaluable. Now, back to the Arthur and Merlin show!

.~.

Part II

.~.

Chapter 20: The Great Divide

.~.

In the three months that had passed since magic had been allowed in the kingdom, much had happened in Camelot. Merlin's magic school had accepted a dozen more students from the outlying villages, and was prospering nicely. Arthur was slowly improving the lives of the poor, not with the sword, but with diplomacy. But the most important thing that happened was that the king and queen now had an heir on the way.

Gwen was just beginning to show her pregnancy, and she and Arthur had announced the blessed event to their subjects. Merlin had cautioned against announcing that the unborn child had magic, so they kept that a secret for now. Arthur had called for a feast in honor of the future king or queen, and the whole kingdom had celebrated. It was an exciting time to be living in Camelot, especially if you had magic and were protected under the law. But the day after the feast, an incident occurred that challenged all that.

.~.

Disaster had only narrowly been averted. Two of Merlin's top magic students, Caelia and her beau, Bruin, had been making use of their day off from their jobs. They had decided to have a picnic in the woods, and Merlin had given them directions to the clearing where he and Arthur usually went. Bruin had been planning their outing for months, as he used it to propose to Caelia. In tears, she said yes. Her new fiancé placed a small sapphire ring on her finger and just like that, they were engaged!

The ring that he'd given her was no ordinary ring. Bruin explained to Caelia that it was a ring imbued with magical properties. When she used her magic, the ring would double her powers. Caelia was thrilled, and asked Bruin where he'd gotten it. He mumbled something about Merlin raiding the royal treasury and giving it to him with his blessing for their marriage. (Merlin had cautioned him against telling others about the ring's powers.) Then, as newly engaged couples were wont to do, they got wrapped up in each other and didn't notice that they were about to be attacked before it was too late.

Unfortunately, they had crossed paths with two dark wizards who had overheard their conversation about the magic ring. One wizard was dressed all in black, the other in dark brown. Bruin was able to keep the one in black occupied using his magic, but Caelia didn't fare as well. Even using the power of the ring, her shielding charm was shoddy and she was no match for her opponent. The man she was facing had called on dark magic to render her unable to move. Caelia watched in horror, helplessly frozen in place as the evil man stabbed her left arm. He quickly proceeded to take her ring, smirking as he watched her cry out for help. Then he released his hold on her, causing her to come crashing to the ground.

Hearing Caelia's cries, Bruin temporarily dispatched the wizard he was fighting, leaving the man wincing and holding his side. He immediately rushed over to the wounded Caelia, terrified that he was going to lose the woman that he loved. He reached out his hand and muttered a healing spell, aiming it towards her bleeding arm.

At that exact moment, two of Camelot's seasoned knights came upon the clearing. They were returning from a two month long trip to one of the outlining villages and had heard a woman's screams. At first glance they saw what appeared to be a man aiming a spell at the screaming woman on the ground. Bruin saw them out of the corner of his eye, thankful for the reinforcements. Caelia continued to yell in pain, but the wound was slowly beginning to close up as the healing magic began to take effect.

Upon seeing the knights, the dark wizards took off, not wanting their faces to be recognized. They had had succeeded in their mission and secured the ring.

The knights immediately headed for Bruin, who shouted at them to go after the dark wizards. Instead of doing so, the knights grabbed Bruin and pulled him away from the woman, breaking his contact and interfering with the spell. Shocked by the knights' actions, Bruin tried to tell the knights that he was trying to heal Caelia, not hurt her. Bruin quickly struggled out of their grip, his only thought to get to Caelia and save her life. He wasn't expecting the blow to the head from the butt of one of the knight's swords.

The knights left the unconscious Bruin and ran to Caelia. They tried to stop the bleeding as best they could, using a strip of cloth and tying it around her arm. She weakly protested, stating that the man had only been trying to heal her, but before she could explain further, she fainted due to the loss of blood.

Caelia would have bled out if she hadn't been able to contact Merlin via thought-speak. Very few magic users could do it. Merlin had once met a young druid boy who'd been able to do it, and well. However, Caelia's call was but a faint echo, and it was somewhat difficult for him to pin point her location. Thankfully the clearing hadn't been far from Camelot.

Merlin was in the middle of teaching a class when he received the mental plea for help. Shouting for Morgana to come with him, Merlin sped towards the edge of the forest. The knights and their horses carrying the unconscious couple had just emerged when Merlin rushed to a whitened Caelia and quickly finished healing her wound. Morgana muttered a strengthening spell, and Caelia's color began to return. They helped her down from the horse and gently laid her on the cobblestones. Almost immediately, she began to stir.

"What happened?" Merlin asked her, but Caelia couldn't speak. "We'll get you sorted," He promised, gently feeling her forehead. It was burning up. "Let's get you into the castle." She promptly passed out again, her body still reacting to the loss of blood. Merlin's protective instincts flared. He was so focused on Caelia, that he didn't notice the other person the knights had brought back.

"Merlin, look!" Morgana called the young warlock's attention to the unconscious man that the knights were helping down off the horse.

"He's another one of my students! Is he wounded?" Merlin asked, concern evident in his voice. He'd sent his two students to the forest so that Bruin could propose. He wondered what had gone wrong.

"No, my lord." The two knights exchanged uneasy glances. Neither one wanted to be the person that explained what had happened.

"Then what is the meaning of this?" Merlin glared at the knights. "Why is Bruin knocked out?"

"He was using magic to harm this woman," the larger of the two knights informed him. "We stopped him before he could kill her."

"You _WHAT_?" Merlin's magic flared dangerously and his eyes flashed molten gold. A shimmering golden haze appeared around Merlin's entire body, intensifying around his hands. They began to radiate with power and heat as Merlin's anger continued to grow.

Morgana had _never_ seen Merlin this livid before, and it frightened her. She knew that if he lost control, there would only be one person that could make Merlin see reason.

"Send for Arthur," Morgana snapped at the knights. They just stared at her dumbly, not recognizing the authority of a woman, even one of her stature. "_Now_, before I have you arrested!"

"Yes, my lady," the larger of two the knights answered. With a fearful look at Merlin, he took off towards the castle. The remaining knight quaked in his boots as he regarded Merlin, still illuminated by golden light.

"Stay right where you are," Merlin commanded, as the knight tried to run.

"Merlin, calm down," Morgana hissed. "You're scaring people."

Startled, Merlin realized what was happening to him as he heeded Morgana's warning. He was using anger to conduct his magic, which had summoned dark forces that lurked deep within him. Normally they slept, dormant as Merlin refused to use hate to fuel his power. Immediately, he called his magic back. The warlock's eyes lost their golden tint and returned to their normal blue. All the anger left him, as did the magic humming around his hands. He took a deep breath and released it slowly in an effort to calm himself. He shook his head as if to clear it. His heart was still thumping loudly in his chest, a reminder of what had just occurred.

"I'm sorry," he told the knight, his kind demeanor returning as the anger and frustration melted away. "It's just that I know for certain that Bruin would never harm Caelia. They're very much in love."

"But I saw it with my own eyes," the knight insisted. "He had his arm aimed at her and I heard him cast a spell."

"I'm sure it was a _healing _spell." Merlin gave him a pointed look. "She would've been cured right away if you hadn't interfered."

"How was I supposed to know the difference?" The knight threw up his hands. "The man was using magic so I acted."

"So you didn't stop to think, hmmm, maybe this man could be healing her?"

"The thought didn't cross my mind, no," the knight admitted.

"Did you or did you not receive the notice that decreed that magic was declared legal in all of the realm?" Merlin questioned.

"Yes, I received it. But I've been trained to stop people from using magic for over twenty years. I wasn't expecting to come across a situation where a wizard was using his magic to help someone."

"Well, perhaps you should," Merlin advised, narrowing his eyes at the incompetent man.

When Merlin asked him to further explain his actions, he knight refused to say more. He gave no apology for what he'd done, much to the young warlock's dismay.

Merlin tabled the discussion until Arthur arrived, knowing they weren't going to get anywhere. About ten minutes later, Arthur appeared along with the other knight.

"Sir Caradoc, thank you for bringing me here. Sir Pelleas – welcome back to Camelot," Arthur greeted the knights by name.

"Thank you, my king," they said in unison, bowing before him.

"What the hell happened out there?" The king demanded, looking from Merlin to the knights. Sir Caradoc and Sir Pelleas exchanged a guilty look.

"Tell him what you told me," Merlin urged.

The knights quickly explained what happened, how they had mistakenly thought that Bruin was harming Caelia and stopped him from healing her.

"There you have it, Merlin. It was an understandable mistake. Could've happened to anyone," Arthur said mildly. "You may go." The men hurried away, eager to get away from Merlin.

"What, you're just letting them go?" Merlin was incredulous.

"They are not to be punished for making the best judgment call that they could, given the situation."

"But-"

"Inside, Merlin." Clearly aggravated, Arthur threw his arm around Merlin and dragged him away. Merlin wisely shut up until they were in the privacy of Arthur's chambers.

"What have I told you about questioning me in front of the people?" Arthur asked.

Merlin shrugged. "That it undermines your authority and that I should stop?"

"Yes. That's right, _Mer_lin."

"Alright," Merlin conceded. "But you can't let this go unpunished! Especially for these knights. They're so ancient they're probably still loyal to your father and his outdated policies on magic."

"Come on, Merlin," Arthur laughed. "I highly doubt that. Besides it's only been three months since the law on magic has been repealed. My knights, especially the older ones, are going to need some time to change their perspectives on magic."

"That makes sense," Merlin said begrudgingly.

Arthur continued, "They reacted on instinct, thinking that magic was being used for evil."

"About that… you told me that you sent out a decree to all the knights in the land, informing them of the change in the law. Right?"

"Of course." Arthur shot him a funny look. "You know that."

"What exactly did it say?" Merlin asked.

"It stated that the law against magic was repealed. It stated that anyone using magic for nefarious purposes was to be arrested, as was anyone who falsely accused another of using magic for evil. Any other uses of magic were to be considered legal. It mentioned you as my new Court Sorcerer and Morgana as your apprentice. It mentioned the magic school and the qualifications to attend it. I think that was about it," Arthur recalled.

"It didn't say anything about what would happen to people who deliberately harmed those who were using magic for good?"

"No. I didn't think about that bit. Did you?"

"No," Merlin admitted. "I thought that magical folk would always be able to defend themselves from non-magic users. But even the most powerful of us can be distracted."

"So there." Arthur gave Merlin a smug look. "We're both at fault. It's not just me. In fact, it's probably more your fault than mine."

Merlin frowned. "Arthur, stop trying to make light of this. It could've been much worse. Caelia could've died!"

"I know," Arthur said quietly, all traces of humor wiped from his demeanor. "But she didn't."

"But what about next time, if something similar happens?" Merlin pressed.

"I suppose I need more information before I can pass judgment," Arthur realized.

"I agree. We need to talk to Caelia and Bruin, get their side of the story," Merlin suggested.

"I've got to get back to my meeting," said Arthur. "Come get me when they come around."

"I will."

Arthur turned to leave, paused and then turned back to his sorcerer.

"Merlin?"

"Yes?"

Arthur's eyes met Merlin's and he calmly held his gaze. "Don't worry; it will work itself out."

"I hope so," Merlin muttered after Arthur had gone.

.~.

Merlin ate his midday meal in Ygraine's old room, wanting extra privacy. Her possessions still covered his bedroom, as Arthur didn't want to move them just yet. He began to read Ygraine's next diary entry, which was mainly about Ygraine realizing that she was falling for Uther. Merlin had barely gotten a paragraph in before the door swung open.

"Merlin! I've been looking for you." His apprentice stood in the doorway.

"Morgana." The young warlock nodded at her. "What do you need?"

"I need to tell you something," she said in a rush. "I meant to tell you earlier, but I was so worried about Caelia that I momentarily forgot."

"What is it?"

Morgana winced. "You know how my nightmares have returned?"

"Yes?"

"I envisioned this whole mess happening."

"Really?" Merlin's heart sank. "I thought you said you didn't remember what you dreamed anymore, just that you woke up screaming."

"I didn't remember anything, until I saw Caelia wounded today. That triggered my memory. In my dream I saw men, dark wizards perhaps, who came to steal her engagement ring. Then, a fight broke out. I don't remember much else."

"They stole her ring?" Merlin couldn't believe it. "How did they know its value?"

"I'm not sure," said Morgana. Then she rounded on Merlin. "What were you doing, giving Bruin a powerful magic ring?"

Merlin was saved from answering when a servant came to tell them that Caelia and Bruin were awake.

"I'll tell you later," Merlin promised. "I've got to go meet Arthur." He quickly made his way to the servant's quarters, glad that his students were awake at last.

.~.

Arthur was already there by the time his sorcerer arrived.

"Bruin and Caelia were just bringing me up to speed," said the king. "They said they were attacked by dark wizards and that one of them wounded Caelia. The man stole her engagement ring and he and his partner in crime took off. The knights mistook Bruin's actions and didn't believe him when he said that he was using a healing spell. They caught Bruin off guard and they were able to knock him out."

"I see," said Merlin. "Well. The knights clearly need to be punished for not listening to Bruin and almost allowing Caelia to be killed."

"Not so fast," said Arthur. "Bruin also said that the ring – which is now in enemy hands – has special powers."

"Er," said Merlin.

"He also said that you gave it to him as an engagement gift. Now, there's only one magical ring in Camelot that I know of. It's supposed to be kept under lock and key in the royal treasury."

"Yes, well. About that-" Merlin trailed off as he looked at Arthur's murderous expression. "I'll tell you later."

"Fine," said Arthur, sounding like it was anything but.

"My lord, what punishment are you going to give the knights?" Bruin asked.

"I'm not sure yet," said Arthur. "I need some time to think it over." Then he turned to Caelia. "I'm sorry you were harmed, my lady." He kissed her hand, causing her to blush.

"It's my own fault, sire. Merlin's been helping me with my shielding charm, but I'm just rubbish at it."

"It's not your fault. It's the dark wizards' fault," Arthur insisted. "I promise you, they will pay for what they did."

"Oh please, sire, don't seek them out," Caelia begged. "Who knows how powerful they are now that they have the ring.

"I too must ask that you don't go after them," Bruin advised. "I doubt it would accomplish anything save for more deaths."

"Very well," Arthur said reluctantly, much to Merlin's relief. "Are you feeling any better?"

"Much," said Caelia.

"Take as much time off as you need to recover," Arthur instructed. "That goes for you too, Bruin."

"But I'm not injured," Bruin protested.

"You will need some time to tend to your fiancé. Don't worry, I'll pay you for the days of work that you miss."

"My king, you are very generous," said Caelia, touched by Arthur's declaration.

"Thank you, Sire," Bruin added.

"It's the least I could do, after what you've been through." Arthur looked back at Merlin, who was trying to silently escape from the room. He'd almost made it to the door before a squeaky floorboard gave him away. Now caught, he gave Arthur a sheepish grin, which the king did not return. Merlin swallowed hard – he realized that he was going to have to explain to Arthur why he took the ring.

"I wish I could stay longer, but I need to have a _little chat_ with my court sorcerer." Arthur glared at Merlin, who wished that he could make himself disappear.

Caelia and Bruin bid them goodbye, and Arthur once again dragged Merlin back to his chambers. Once inside, he let Merlin have it.

"Merlin, you _idiot_! I can't believe you. What were you thinking? How did you get your hands on that ring?" Arthur thundered.

Merlin gulped. He was in so much trouble. This wasn't what he'd envisioned happening at all when he took the ring. He should've just left it in the vaults.

"Tell me!" Arthur ordered.

"I sort of broke in to the treasury and took it. But only because it had belonged to his family before the purge," Merlin defended himself. "I was righting one of Uther's wrongs."

"It wasn't yours to give!" Arthur all but shrieked.

"I should have asked you. I know that now. I honestly thought you'd be fine with it," said Merlin.

"You obviously didn't think, _Mer_lin," Arthur growled. "Thanks to your stupidity, the ring is in the hands of dark sorcerers."

"I thought the secret would be safe!" Merlin protested. "There was a one in a million chance that someone would overhear Bruin talking about the ring's powers."

Arthur's tone was condescending. "Well, someone did."

Merlin stared at Arthur, realizing that he couldn't make any excuses his mistake. "I know. I just – I failed, Arthur. Alright? Is that what you want to hear? I fucked up. I definitely should have asked you. I basically stole from you. It was wrong of me to take the ring." He hung his head, properly chastised for his wrongdoing.

"You know, that's not the thing that worries me most."

"What could be worse than me betraying your trust?" Merlin wondered.

Arthur sighed. "Morgana told me that you got angry at those knights today. Like, _really_ angry." Arthur stared at Merlin, watching as his sorcerer desperately tried to stop himself from breaking down. He didn't want to talk to Arthur about this – not now, not ever. "She didn't know what to do. She didn't know if her magic would be strong enough to stop you from hurting someone if you lost control. That's the real reason why she sent for me."

Merlin didn't say a word. He couldn't. What if Arthur was repulsed or frightened by this side of him and called things off between them? He didn't know if he could handle that.

"What happened?" Arthur asked.

Merlin shook his head, his eyes filling with tears. He couldn't let Arthur see this part of him. The risk was too great.

"Please, Merlin. I promise I won't think less of you."

"I almost used dark magic!" Merlin sobbed, the words tumbling out of him. He couldn't hold them back any longer. "I didn't mean to, I swear! It just happened."

"Merlin!" Arthur looked outraged. "This is the very thing we're trying to fight against!"

"I bloody know, alright?" Merlin yelled. "I stopped myself before I harmed anyone."

"Yes you did. This time. But what if there's a next time?" Arthur had a valid point. Merlin wasn't sure if he'd always be able to stop himself if his anger continued to surface. He said nothing, which answered Arthur's question.

"I have to go," said Arthur, slowly backing away from his sorcerer, as one might if faced with a rabid dog. "I don't know what to think about you anymore, Merlin."

"You said you wouldn't think any less of me," Merlin said desperately. "Arthur, you promised!"

"I didn't think that you were capable of using dark magic." Arthur regarded Merlin warily, as if he might start using dark magic at any second. "I need some time to wrap my head around this. I'll talk to you later."

Arthur quickly left the room, taking a piece of Merlin's heart with him. The sorcerer collapsed into a chair, his chest heaving with sobs, recalling Arthur's cruel words to him. After the events of the day, it felt like Merlin's perfect world was coming apart, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

.~.

End Chapter 20

A/N: Sorry about the cliff hanger. I know I'm evil! Don't worry, I will explain more about the ring in the next chapter.

A/N2: Reviews are great! Specific constructive comments would be appreciated, especially about the changing tone and subject matter in the story. I'd like to know what my readers think before I write the next part.


	22. No Easy Answer

9

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: I'm taking liberties, but I'm making Uther have a Court Sorcerer back in the day before magic was banned. This will be important later. Just letting you know. Enjoy the new chapter! There will be some Merthur fluff.

Chapter 21: No Easy Answer

.~.

After a few moments of drowning in panic, Merlin pulled himself together and sought out his dearest friend – the new queen of Camelot. He asked a guard where he could find her, who informed him she was in the lower town. He soon found Gwen speaking with a poor family that had recently lost their home in a fire. Merlin overheard her promise that she would send a few knights to help them rebuild their house. The grateful couple bowed down to Gwen, declaring that they weren't worthy of her generosity. Gwen saw Merlin standing outside, and motioned for him to come closer.

"Merlin, help!" An embarrassed Gwen muttered under her breath. She was still really new at being queen, and the worshipful attention from her subjects was a bit overwhelming.

"So sorry to interrupt," said Merlin, "but I have need of the queen's services."

"Lord Merlin!" The couple bowed before him, awed by his appearance in their home.

"The bowing's not necessary, really," Merlin insisted. "Not too long ago, I used to be a servant. I know I'm the court sorcerer, but when it comes down to it, I'm a just person, not any different than you. Please, get up."

The couple rose to their feet, staring at Merlin in adoration. "We are truly honored by your presence, my lord," said the man. "You are both humble and kind," the woman added.

"Uh, thanks?" Merlin blushed, not used to such compliments. "I was just coming to find Guinevere."

"I'll send the knights here tomorrow at dawn," Gwen vowed, giving them a genuine smile.

"Thank you, my queen," said the man. "You are a blessing to all of us who do not have much." The woman nodded in agreement.

After bidding the couple goodbye, Merlin escorted Gwen back to the castle.

.~.

"Merlin, what's wrong?" Gwen asked, once they returned to their chambers. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Merlin brought Gwen up to speed, telling her about the events of the day. She was horrified to hear about Caelia's brush with death, the knights' mistake in thinking Bruin was harming her, and the dark wizards who had escaped with a powerful magic ring.

"When I saw what the knights had done, I almost lost it," Merlin confessed. "I felt my magic coursing through me, wanting to strike down the men who had interfered in a situation that they did not understand."

"And that's the only reason you're upset?"

Merlin's face crumpled as he swallowed a sob. "I told Arthur about what I'd almost done. He didn't take it well."

"I can't believe him," Gwen raged. "Forget about _your_ anger – he'll have to deal with mine. I'm so sorry, Merlin! You didn't deserve _any_ of that, especially from Arthur." She held him as he finally gave in to the emotions that threatened to consume him.

"Gwen, it was horrible," Merlin cried into her shoulder. "He looked at me like I was a monster, and then left because he couldn't stand the sight of me."

"I'm sure he doesn't think you're a monster." Gwen tried to reassure him. "You're not, you know."

"I could be," Merlin whispered. "I could use my power to kill."

"You wouldn't do that," Gwen said firmly.

"How do you know? I may not be able to control my anger next time."

"Because I know you, Merlin." Gwen cupped Merlin's tearstained face with her hands and stared him straight in the eye. "You don't have a malicious bone in your body. If Arthur can't see that, then he's a fool."

"But my anger," Merlin protested.

"Everyone gets angry," Gwen reminded him. "Even court sorcerers."

Merlin gave her a tiny smile at that.

"In time, I'm sure you'll learn to control your anger. And while you're at it, you can share your findings with your students. I'm sure you're not the only one with magic who is battling this particular problem. It will be a good learning experience for everybody."

"When did you get so wise?" Merlin wondered.

Gwen laughed. "I've always been this wise. You've just been too enamored with Arthur to notice."

"_Arthur_." Merlin's voice caught on the word. "The ball's in his court now."

"Remember, Merlin, whether he'll admit it or not, he's still battling old prejudices about magic that his father instilled in him. He was faced with the possibility that you could be a threat to his kingdom, even if that fear is completely unfounded. He'll come around," Gwen predicted.

"And if he doesn't?"

Gwen had no answer for that.

.~.

For once, Merlin decided to take it easy. The school had closed early because Merlin and Morgana had to leave and deal with the Caelia situation. Merlin knew he needed to cool down from the events of the day, so he did just that. He went down to the kitchens to nick a few pieces of bread, then returned to Arthur's empty chambers. He didn't wish to dwell on Arthur, so he distracted himself by climbing into bed and reading the next entry of Ygraine's diary. He was instantly pulled into the time when Uther was a (relatively) nice person, and Arthur did not yet exist.

_Diary Entry 4_

_I spent every day this week with Uther! We went riding, shared many meals, and strolled around the castle just talking about anything that struck our fancy. I began to see him as more than a spoiled, untested young king. I hope that his original false opinion of me changed as well. We became fast friends and I began to respect him for all that he and Camelot stood for, for freedom from tyranny. _

Merlin gave a snort. Uther standing for freedom and justice for all – what a laugh. He continued to read.

_I have scarcely admitted it to myself, but I do believe I'm beginning to fall in love with him. Somehow, this stern, proud man has wormed his way into my carefully guarded heart. After our disastrous first meeting, I had sizable doubts about the state of our arranged marriage. But now… He has put many of those doubts to rest. When I am not with him, I miss his company. It must be some form of love, right?_

Merlin still couldn't fathom how someone as nice as Ygraine could fall for Uther, but the feelings that she described tallied with what he felt for Arthur. He read on.

_Uther is wooing me in the proper manner. I really appreciate the little gifts that he gives me each day. Roses from the garden, a tasty treat from the kitchens, new riding boots – I cherish them all. But my favorite was when he called in the Court Sorcerer._

_The man was relatively young, looked to be about Uther's age, and seemed eager to impress. Uther suggested he use his magic to make the Pendragon crest. I'd seen magic before, but it was nothing spectacular like this. The man muttered a spell and the magic began to manifest. I was completely awed when a translucent golden dragon appeared above me and began to fly, circling the room. After a few minutes passed, Uther nodded and the dragon disappeared, much to the consternation of all in the room. I thanked Uther for the magical display and told him that I would much love to see more magic in the future. Uther seemed pleased, and thanked his Court Sorcerer for his fine performance._

Uther had once had a Court Sorcerer? Merlin was astounded. He'd always assumed that he was the first Court Sorcerer that Camelot had had in a long time. Apparently not. He wondered if the Court Sorcerer had been executed. That was more than likely the case. However, Uther knew that Gaius used magic and he let the physician live as long as he promised not to use magic any longer. He decided to ask Geoffrey about this mysterious Court Sorcerer later. If anyone knew about him, the old man did.

Merlin then read on about the details of Ygraine and Uther's courtship. He never thought it possible for Uther to be a romantic, but this proved him wrong.

_While the gifts are nice, the best thing about being courted by Uther (what an exciting thing to write!) is getting to know him better. We grow closer day by day. Each day we spend together, I learn more about him, what drives him, what lies in his past, and what his hopes are for the future. It is wonderful to have him trust me with matters that he'd never tell anyone else, especially matters of state – something which I'm well versed in. In turn, he gets to learn more about my background. Normally I'd be very hesitant to share that much of myself with a man, but with Uther, it's different. I don't know why – it just is. I know I can trust him not to laugh or tell someone about what we talk about it. It's a pleasant feeling. _

_And then there's the attraction between us. I can tell that he appreciates my physical features, because he's always staring at me when he thinks I'm not looking. This is fair because I also appreciate his. I can't help but noticing that he's very fit from all the training he does. But the best part is that his eyes draw me in somehow, and when we are alone, I do not wish to look away. I feel attracted to him, and I think he feels attracted to me. Of course, that doesn't mean that he would _only_ be attracted to me after we made our wedding vows. I would hope he would, but there's no guarantee of that. But yes, I was definitely attracted to him. Maybe a little too much, considering we'd only just met. I hope things keep progressing well between us. Until next time._

Merlin smiled to himself. He couldn't believe he was enjoying a love story that was featuring Uther Pendragon! But it was from Ygraine's perspective, so that made it interesting. Not having anything pressing to do, Merlin turned the page and kept reading.

_Diary Entry 5_

_I loathe every part of Uther Pendragon's body! I can't believe he had the nerve to actually say- I suppose I should back up a bit. This is what happened. Today, Uther and I went walking in the garden, per usual. I'd been so concerned that I meet him on time that I'd accidentally forgotten to eat breakfast. About ten minutes into our walk, I became light headed, my vision swam, and my hearing became distorted. I had the presence of mind to sit down and then I fainted the rest of the way in Uther's arms. When I woke he was at my bedside looking concerned. He asked if this was my first fainting spell, and I told him no, I usually get them every month or so. He looked sad for a moment, then he cleared his throat. He informed me that his physician had visited while I was out. Apparently he had told Uther that if I had regular fainting spells that I wouldn't be a good choice to be the father of his children. Some nonsense about how my fainting would be stressful on the baby. 'It's such a pity' Uther had said, looking me up and down. 'I was just starting to like you'._

_I inwardly bristled, then said something like 'is that all I'm good for, bearing your children'? _

_Uther responded with, 'the woman I marry must provide me with an heir to the throne. Surely you knew this.'_

_I did know. But it was one thing to know that I must provide Uther with an heir someday in the future, and another to hear that all I was good for was breeding. I then told him to get out of my sight. He said that he was more than happy to, murmuring something about 'unreasonable women' as he walked out of the room._

_He was so infuriating! I couldn't control my fainting spells just like I couldn't control my monthlies. They just happened, whether I liked it or not. For Uther to hold my fainting spells against me, to use that as a purpose as to why we shouldn't marry and be together, it hurt me deeply. Apparently he thought I wasn't good enough for him. Perhaps I'd misread him, and he never loved me at all. That thought consumed me and I cried for an undetermined amount of time. My ladies' maid tried to cheer me up, to no avail. She too had heard what Uther had said, and hated him for hurting me. I eventually stopped crying, and vowed to conceal how I really felt. I didn't want to give Uther the satisfaction that he'd broken my heart._

_At least I found out now what he's really like before we got married. I suppose that's a blessing. I've decided to return home, probably in disgrace since I couldn't fulfill my marriage pledge. But I couldn't live with a man as insensitive as Uther. The worst part about it was that a part of me still loved him. It was an inconvenient love, as I knew from Uther's behavior that we could never be. The next time I write will probably be from home. Or perhaps I shall destroy this diary all together, as it will only remind me of what I almost had with Uther._

Merlin closed the diary. Obviously Ygraine didn't leave Camelot for good. She married Uther and had Arthur. However, he wasn't surprised that Uther had said what he had. It sounded more like the Uther he'd known. The sad part was that Merlin had learned from his time spent with Gaius that pregnant woman having fainting spells wouldn't hurt the baby, as long as they caught themselves before they fainted. Uther had been misinformed.

Reading about Ygraine's fainting spells also triggered a strong reaction in Merlin, as their situations were somewhat similar. It wasn't fair that Uther held it against her when it was not completely her fault, even if she had forgotten to eat breakfast. His own anger problems were a little different from Ygraine's situation, but it wasn't fair of Arthur to expect him to never grow angry. Everyone grew angry from time to time. He promised to work on controlling his magic when angry, but there would be times that he would fail. He would especially need Arthur's support when those times occurred, although after what happened today, he wasn't sure he'd get it.

Merlin drifted off to sleep, taking a small nap before dinner. He wasn't looking forward to facing Arthur, but face him he must.

.~.

_Later that day_

Arthur returned to his chambers around dinner time to find Merlin waiting for him.

Merlin regarded his king, his expression cold and unreadable. He was finished with crying and feeling sorry for himself. He had come to one conclusion. If Arthur couldn't accept all of him, he wouldn't be able to stay with him, destiny be damned.

Arthur's lower lip trembled, the only indication of what he was feeling. He strode across the room and carefully pulled Merlin to him. Merlin clung to his king, never wanting to let go.

"I'm sorry," Arthur's voice hitched, as he gently ran his fingers through Merlin's hair. "I don't know what came over me."

"It's alright." Merlin instantly forgave him, thrilled beyond belief that Arthur had accepted him, shadows and all.

"Merlin, you are my _life_." Arthur emphasized the last word. "I will always stand behind you, no matter what."

"Even if I used dark magic?"

"Even then," Arthur vowed, and sealed his promise with a soft kiss. "But I don't think that will happen. You've such a pure heart, Merlin. You've used your powers to accomplish so many good and wonderful things. I suppose it only makes sense that your dark side would be great and powerful as well."

"I'll work on containing my anger," Merlin promised. "I can't afford to accidentally lose control."

"Earlier today I forgot that _everyone_ has problems trying to control their anger, including me. Especially me." Arthur made a face, recalling how in the past he'd unfairly taken out his anger on poor Merlin. "How many times have I yelled at you in the past few years?"

"That's true, but you can't literally hurt people with your anger," said Merlin. "I can. I must exercise control over it, so that it doesn't control me."

"I'm glad you've realized that," said Arthur. "But I was unfair to think less of you for it. You may be the most powerful warlock in all the land, but you're also a human being with strong emotions, just like the rest of us."

"I just don't want you to be afraid of me," Merlin whispered.

"My reaction earlier was based on fear, not fact," Arthur said quietly. "I'm not proud of it. I made an incorrect assumption about your behavior." Arthur brought their foreheads together and their breaths intermingled. Merlin enjoyed the warmth and closeness of being near the man that made him whole.

"I temporarily forgot that you've always protected me, even at great risk to your own life." Arthur's normally smooth voice shook as he spoke. "You've stood in the shadows, watching many times as I was honored for something you had done. You didn't want the glory or the accolades - you just wanted to keep me safe. You've proven time and time again that you would give your life for mine. I can't be afraid of a man who's done all that."

Merlin relaxed into Arthur's strong embrace, sagging against his king. "When you left, I thought you might be done with me."

Arthur shuddered at the thought. "How could I be done with that which I cannot live without? When I declared my love for you in the forest that day, I meant forever. We may fight, yes, but don't think for one _second_ that I would want to give up on us."

"Thanks," said Merlin, pleased with Arthur's little speech. "I think I needed to hear that."

Arthur held him close for a few more minutes, then pulled back. "Now that you're sure I'm not leaving you, I do want to know more about that magic ring." Arthur narrowed his eyes at Merlin.

"As I said, the ring originally belonged to Bruin's family," said Merlin. "Then Uther confiscated it during the purge, and it remained under lock and key until I sensed it the other day. I thought I ought to give it back to the family. I thought that it would make a perfect engagement gift. And it would help protect Caelia – she's not very good yet at shielding herself from attack."

"So now we have a magic ring in our enemy's hand that will make the wearer even stronger. Fantastic."

"I already said I was sorry. Honestly, I never thought the secret would get out," Merlin insisted.

"You thought it would be a secret between you, Bruin, and Caelia," Arthur clarified.

"Yes."

"Well, I thought of something while I was gone. Something didn't sit right with me about the ring," Arthur mused. "I think you were right, that it would be a really slim chance that the dark wizards just happened to be in the forest by the clearing when Bruin was telling Caelia of its power."

"Thank you!" Merlin gave him a toothy grin.

"I'm not saying this to make you feel better." Arthur didn't call Merlin an idiot, but it was implied in the tone of his voice. "Who else was around when you gave Bruin the ring and told him of its significance?"

Merlin thought about it. "No one of consequence. We met in your chambers when you were out training the knights. I remember that Gwen was around. I think that's it."

"Hmm," Arthur said neutrally. "Then I cannot explain what happened."

"Perhaps we'll never know," said Merlin. "I suppose it doesn't matter. So what have you decided to do with Caradoc and Pelleas?" He didn't want to cause another conflict with Arthur, but they did need to discuss the matter.

"I'm not going to do anything," said Arthur.

"Arthur, those knights needs to be punished," Merlin insisted. "Then the magical people will be vindicated, and we can all move on."

"I shall not punish them, as they did not actually commit a crime."

Merlin gaped at him. "Is that what you want me to tell my people?"

"_Your_ people?"

"The magical folk. I am sort of their leader, you know," Merlin reminded him.

"Yes. Give them my exact words. Don't worry - all of this will be forgotten in a few days," Arthur predicted.

"Very well, my king." Merlin gave him a mocking bow. "It shall be done."

"Merlin, get up." Arthur scowled at his sorcerer. "You know I hate it when you do that."

"I don't like your decision," Merlin retorted.

"That's obvious." Arthur glared at him, as if daring him to get in to another fight.

"But you are the king and I will respect it," said the young warlock. "I must let the people know of your decision. They are waiting anxiously for an answer."

"Merlin?" It was a question, and Merlin was glad to see the doubt in Arthur's eyes.

Merlin gave him a tiny smile. "I'll see you later, Arthur."

The king watch him go, relieved that Merlin was calling him by his first name. That meant Merlin was willing to agree to disagree, and wasn't truly angry about what had happened between them.

_.~._

_The next morning_

Arthur and Gwen were awakened by the sound of a crowd outside their window.

"Merlin, what's going on? Why are there people making a nuisance of themselves in the courtyard?" Arthur complained as Gwen went behind the screen to dress.

"Big surprise there," said Merlin, not bothering to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. "They are protesting the rash actions of Sir Caradoc and Sir Pelleas. I told them yesterday that you weren't going to punish them, and they weren't thrilled. They believe that the knights deserve a punishment for what they did." He resisted adding an 'I told you so', as he knew it wouldn't help the situation. That didn't prevent him from thinking it, however.

Arthur shook off the last vestiges of sleep. "Since when do my people have the right to protest?"

"Since you made it legal." Merlin smiled happily at him, glad to catch Arthur off guard.

Arthur frowned. "I don't remember saying that in any of my speeches."

"You didn't. But you did sign off on it." Merlin knocked on the top of the king's head. "Don't you remember?"

"I can't remember_ every_ document I sign," Arthur whined. "Meetings are downright dull. That's why I have you there, to remember what I don't."

"I remember that you made it legal. I was very proud of you for that."

"I was too!" Gwen added.

"Fine." Arthur threw up his hands. "They've had their protest. It changes nothing. I'll send the knights to disperse the crowd."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Merlin cautioned.

"Oh? What would you have me do?" Arthur asked, mainly just to humor Merlin.

"You should give the people what they want," Merlin suggested.

"No."

"Those knights made a mistake, Arthur." Merlin's expression was grim. "A woman almost died because of it. They should pay for it."

"Caradoc and Pelleas acted as they saw fit. The end."

"But what about the magic users?" Merlin cried. "They need protection too. Apparently they need protection from misinformed knights."

"Merlin." Arthur rolled his eyes. "Now you're being ri_dic_ulous."

"Maybe," Merlin conceded. "But the knights can't get away with behavior like this. It would set a terrible precedent."

"So you're saying my knights should be punished for their mistake?"

"If the grievance was as severe as this situation was? Yes!"

"It's a knight's duty to protect Camelot's citizens. The knights were just doing their duty," Arthur reminded him. "Gwen, what do you think about all this?"

"I honestly don't know what to think," Gwen said quietly. "On one hand, I feel like the knights should be punished for almost killing that poor girl. But on the other hand, why should they be punished for a mistake? I'm afraid there is no easy answer to this dilemma. Don't you agree, Merlin?"

But Merlin wouldn't give in so easily. He knew Gwen was playing peacemaker because she didn't like dealing with any sort of conflict, but he felt that he had to stand up for what he believed in. "I'm sorry Arthur, but I will not sit by when justice must be served. Those knights _must_ be punished. If this isn't dealt with now, relations between the knights and the magic users will only grow worse."

"In case you have forgotten, _I'm_ a knight." Arthur patted his chest for emphasis. "So, you're saying that if I made a mistake such as this one, I should be punished?"

Merlin winced. "Well, not _you, _obviously. You're the king. You have special privileges."

"I don't want to have special privileges!" Arthur insisted. "I will follow all the same rules that all my knights follow."

"Arthur, just give the knights a punishment," Merlin said wearily. "You cannot just-"

Arthur cut him off. "Alright, if it will get you to shut up. I'll throw them in the stocks for an hour this afternoon."

"I'm not sure if that's-"

"I don't wish to give them a harsher punishment than that. End of discussion, Merlin."

Annoyed, Arthur left the room, shutting the door a bit louder than it needed to be.

What Merlin had been trying to say –before he was so rudely interrupted by the royal prat - was that it might be dangerous to leave the two knights at the mercy of the people. He had a feeling that they might throw things a lot harder than rotten fruit. But he didn't run after Arthur, didn't advise him of that. Merlin decided to let things unfold as they were. If the people got out of hand, it would be on Arthur's head. Merlin would attend and would use his magic to keep the peace. He only hoped that it would be enough.

End Chapter 21

A/N: I would really love some constructive criticism in my reviews. They help me become a better writer. Of course, encouragement is always good too. I hope you liked that one. I had Arthur and Merlin make up, but their argument isn't completely resolved. I thought that seemed true to life. You can't always talk out your problems and have them solved from one discussion. It's nice when that works, but it doesn't always. I wanted to demonstrate that with Arthur and Merlin. Look for a new chapter soon!


	23. Secrets of the Past

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: I got an unprecedented 8 reviews last time! Thank you all! Keep them coming :)

.~.

Chapter 22: Secrets of the Past

.~.

That afternoon, Sir Caradoc and Sir Pelleas were placed in the stocks to serve their sentence for an hour. Merlin hid in the shadows, watching as the men put their heads and arms through the round holes. He winced in sympathy, remembering how stiff his neck and back were after he'd spent time in the stocks. It had been embarrassing for him each time he'd landed in the stocks. Usually he'd been sent there for doing something illicit for Arthur and Uther had punished Merlin instead of his son. He'd always bore his punishment with good humor, as he'd much rather take it over being locked in the dungeon. He knew that he'd never get pelted with anything harder than rotten fruit – the people never had any quarrel with Merlin.

However the people who gathered around the bound knights were angry, and Merlin knew they might be carrying things much more damaging than rotten fruit. He had to be in a position where he could protect the knights. Carefully concealed, Merlin waited, ready to shield the knights with his magic if the crowd got out of hand. It turned out that it was a good thing he was there.

The villagers and many of his students were present, all holding baskets of colorful rotten fruit and some vegetables. Caradoc and Pelleas closed their eyes as assorted produce hit their faces. Some of the fruit was overripe, and left trails of juice on their cheeks. One tomato had hit Pelleas on the forehead and it leaked red juice all over his face, making it look like he was bleeding. The stench of moldy vegetables and fruits was foul – Merlin could even smell it from his hiding place. He did not envy the knights, even though he believed they deserved a punishment.

As the people threw the food at Caradoc and Pelleas, the people taunted the knights, calling them names and questioning their honor.

"You two aren't so tough now, are you?" One of the women cried.

"Without your swords, you're nothing," a short man jeered.

"You'll pay for almost killing one of us!" A taller man added.

"You've had it out for magic users all along!" That was Rowan, who came forward with his arm outstretched and cast a spell on the knights. When he was done, the two knights had their heads transformed into that of pigs. They could only oink in fear as the people began to crowd them, making fun of their appearance. Several of the magic users laughed, amused by their prank.

"Now they look like the dirty pigs they are," Rowan declared. About half the crowd cheered and the other stood stunned by the somewhat cruel action.

Merlin had seen enough. He couldn't allow his students to carry on like this, and use their magic for something so incongruous. It went against everything he was trying to build. As much as he didn't like to use his power to intervene, his students hadn't given him much of a choice.

"That's enough!" Merlin commanded as he stepped in front of the knights. He quickly returned them to their original forms. The men coughed, trying to catch their breaths as they realized they were human again. "You've used magic to humiliate these defenseless men, which was wrong of you. Yes, they made a mistake but mistreating them is only going to exacerbate the problem. Go home. They've had enough."

"But Lord Merlin, we were only avenging the mistreatment of our friends Bruin and Caelia," Rowan protested.

"I said, that's _enough_," Merlin repeated, a quiet power radiating in his voice. "This foolish act will only make matters worse for magic users. I'm trying to convince the kingdom that we only use our magic for good, and now _this_ happens. I'm disappointed that any of my students would act in such a way. We'll have words later."

"Yes, my Lord." Properly chastised, Rowan and his friends took off. The crowd slowly began to disperse as soon as they realized that all the drama was over.

Merlin was not looking forward to telling Arthur what had happened. He'd expected at worst that some hard, rotten potatoes to be thrown at the men, or perhaps some pebbles. He'd never even considered that his people would use their magic to 'get even' with the knights. He knew this would only weaken the uneasy truce between the knights and the magic users.

That was when he saw a flash of red hair out of the corner of his eye. He spotted Rowan trying to sneak away. Merlin ran after him, and quickly caught up with his student.

Rowan's expression was one of guilt. Merlin pulled him into a deserted alley, and then he let him have it.

"Rowan, what were you thinking, using your magic like that?" Merlin growled.

"I don't know, I just wanted to make them pay for what they did. We didn't hurt them." Rowan said in his defense. "It was just a harmless prank."

"Not everyone will see it that way," said Merlin. "Now, thanks to your stupidity, all magic users across the land will have to bear this burden."

"That doesn't make sense," said Rowan with a frown. "It was just a few of us involved in the prank."

"Yes, but what one magic user does reflects on all of us," Merlin reminded him.

"That's not fair!"

"It's not fair, but right now that's the way it is," said Merlin, sounding weary. "We've only had the law repealed for just over a month. We're still fighting the stereotype that magic is only used for evil."

"But surely anyone who had paid attention to the last month knows how helpful our magic has been, especially in making things go more quickly preparing for the coronation and the feasts," said the servant.

"Rowan, many people still are holding on to the fear and hate that Uther instilled in them for twenty years," said Merlin. "All of that doesn't magically disappear in a month, if you'll excuse the expression."

"You're right," said Rowan with a small sigh. He was quiet for a few minutes, but Merlin could tell that he had more to say. "May I take some time off and go visit my family? I think I need a break from all this. My father's always asking me to come home and visit."

"I think that's a good idea," said Merlin. "You can use that time to think about what you did, and how you can make amends for it once you return."

"I will. Thank you," said Rowan, his eyes downcast. "I'll go pack my things. Are you sure you and Arthur can manage without me for a week?"

"We'll be fine," said Merlin, holding back a chuckle. "I did used to be his servant after all. I haven't forgotten how to take care of him."

"Ah," said Rowan, coloring a little as he thought about just how Merlin would 'take care' of Arthur. Merlin's secret relationship with Arthur still bothered him, but since he hadn't seen any evidence of it, he'd kept quiet. "Well, I'd better go. I'll see you in a week."

Merlin wished him a safe journey, watching as the boy walked out of his sight. He knew he needed to have this talk with all of his students, and not just the ones who'd taunted the knights. It was time that he put a stop to such childish behavior. However, he wasn't sure what he wanted to tell them, other than the pranks were out of line and would not be tolerated. He needed to somehow convince his students that the knights and other prejudiced people were not really the enemy. That was easier said than done. No matter, he'd think on it.

.~.

Arthur returned to his chambers for dinner to find Merlin and a hot meal waiting for him. Arthur's worried face told Merlin everything he needed to know.

"You heard," Merlin said flatly.

"Yes. What a disaster!" Arthur exclaimed, falling into a chair beside Merlin. "Why didn't you_ tell_ me it was a bad idea to put them in the stocks?"

"I tried, but you cut me off," Merlin said truthfully. "Then you left the room, telling me that the discussion was over."

"Why didn't you run after me and set me straight?"

"I dunno. I figured it would be a good learning experience." Merlin gave Arthur a tight smile. "I thought you needed to learn the hard way what could happen if the people were granted public access to those knights. I was there to keep the crowd from getting completely out of hand. I sent the crowd away before anything untoward happened."

"_Mer_lin!" Arthur was completely astounded. "You're supposed to advise me, not go behind my back."

"I didn't exactly-" Merlin gave up. He knew he was somewhat responsible for what happened, as he should have ran after Arthur and told him his misgivings about the punishment. "You're right. I shouldn't have let this happen. It was irresponsible of me not to tell you."

"It's not _all_ your fault," Arthur muttered, astonishing Merlin with his words. "I'm the king – it was my decision. I should've seen it coming. At least it's over with now."

"I think it's only beginning," Merlin said heavily, wondering how Arthur couldn't see the larger picture. "Arthur, I still believe your knights need a true punishment."

"What the hell do you call what happened today?" Arthur cried. "Haven't they been humiliated enough?"

"Look," Merlin said frankly. "I'm asking you to take them off duty for a few weeks. Just to show the people that you are serious about this."

"Dammit, Merlin, how many times must we go _through_ this?" Arthur banged his fist on the table. "Those knights had just cause."

"I don't care." Merlin stood firm. He could feel the clashing of their wills in the middle of the room. Arthur's will was stubborn, but Merlin's was built on longevity. He didn't budge when Arthur's frustrations came rushing towards him, threatening to encircle him. And then the unthinkable happened. Arthur yielded.

"One week," said Arthur, pointing his finger at Merlin's face. "That's my final offer. I can't afford to lose any knights on patrol for longer than that."

"Very well," said Merlin, pleased Arthur had finally seen reason. "One week, without pay."

Arthur glared at him. "I never said without pay."

"I thought that was implied."

"No! Merlin, you're being unreasonable," Arthur complained.

"Remember what happened last time when you didn't take my advice?" Merlin said innocently.

Arthur regarded him closely. "Do you really think it will help smooth things over?"

"I think so, yes. Please, Arthur." Merlin begged. "Stop being so stubborn for once and do what you know is right."

The fight went out of Arthur at that. "Alright," he agreed. "If you think it's really necessary, I'll dock them a week's pay."

"Thanks," Merlin said softly.

"There's something else," said Arthur. "Merlin, I know that you have a soft spot for all of your students, but Rowan must be punished for his behavior today."

"You're right," Merlin agreed. "But what punishment should I give him?"

"Well, the knights have lost a week on duty. How about you forbid Rowan from using magic for a week?"

"That seems fair," said the warlock.

They stared at each other, each lost in their own thoughts. The divide between the knights and the magic users was starting to take a toll on them. For a moment, Merlin wished they could just be Merlin and Arthur again, without Arthur's responsibilities as king and his as the head of his magic school. But then they wouldn't be doing what they were meant to do. Arthur and Merlin were crucial to keeping Camelot safe and thriving.

"Merlin, I hate how this whole thing with my knights and your magic users is affecting our relationship." Arthur pulled Merlin close and gave him a soft peck on the lips. "Let me make it up to you."

"Oh," said Merlin, with a little smile, touched by Arthur's declaration. "Wow. How thoughtful. What did you have in mind?"

Arthur whispered something in Merlin's ear and gave him an exaggerated wink.

"THE THRONE ROOM?!" Merlin gave him an incredulous look. "Are you mad?"

"Oh come on, haven't you thought about it?" Arthur goaded.

"No, I hadn't," Merlin said truthfully.

"Well, now you have."

"No thanks to you." Merlin blushed, and tried not to think about what Arthur was referring to. "But I won't ever agree to it. What if people found out? We would be ruined."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Are you a warlock or not? You can make sure that doesn't happen. Just tell people that you want to do a magical experiment and it has to be done in the biggest room in the castle. They should buy that."

"No, Arthur," Merlin said firmly.

"Come on."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"_Mer_lin."

"No."

"It could be fun," Arthur tried.

"For the last time, NO!" Merlin glared at Arthur. "I can't believe you want me to… let you do that to me on the throne. For one, it would be really uncomfortable sitting there while you went to town. Two, haven't you already asserted your dominance enough with me? Three-"

"Merlin, you've got it all wrong." Arthur licked his lips and gave Merlin a predatory stare. "I want you to fuck _me_ on the throne."

"_What_?" Merlin squeaked. A shiver went through him as he imagined what that would feel like. He told his traitorous body to shut up, and not to remind him how delicious it would feel if he took Arthur on that wooden throne…

"You heard me," said Arthur, his voice dangerously low.

"Why would you ever want that?" Merlin asked, needing to understand the reasoning behind this bizarre request.

"I've thought a lot about how we'll never be publicly recognized as equals," said Arthur. "I hate that. I want it to be you sitting next to me on my throne, not Gwen. It would really mean a lot to me if we could make that memory, just you and me. No one else would have to know. Then every time I sit on my throne, I can think about how I surrendered completely to you, in body and soul."

"Arthur, I didn't know it meant so much to you," Merlin said quietly, staring deep into his eyes. "That's really profound of you."

"I want you as my equal in all parts in our relationship. This would formalize it."

"Well, if it means that much to you, maybe we could… wait a minute." Merlin narrowed his eyes at Arthur. "You're making all of that up. You just want to… _you know_ on the throne, and you'll say anything to convince me to do it."

"I am not!" Arthur said, a little too quickly.

"Just last week, I remember you told me that public exhibition was one of your kinks," Merlin recalled.

"Coincidence!" Arthur insisted.

Merlin then had a sudden appalling insight about Arthur's behavior. "You mostly want me to… do _that_ to you on the throne so you can think about it when you're bored during the council meetings!"

Arthur didn't bat an eyelash at the accusation. "You can't even say 'fuck'. Merlin, that's pathetic."

"Don't distract me. I'm on to you…" Merlin glared at the king.

"It's not hard, Merlin. Just say "I will fuck Arthur on the throne."

"No!" Merlin glared at his king.

Arthur made a big show of rolling his eyes. "You're such a girl, Merlin."

"I'm not the one that wants to get fucked on the throne," Merlin snapped.

"Bravo!" Arthur applauded. "See, now don't you feel better?"

"You are such an _asshole_!" Merlin exclaimed. "I actually almost believed that tripe you were spouting about wanting us to be equals."

"I do want that," Arthur insisted. "Truly, I do."

"You have a funny way of expressing it."

"Come on, Merlin. Don't be like that," Arthur tried.

"I have to go," said Merlin, furious that he'd almost been manipulated by Arthur. Uther had been known for being a keen war strategist, and more than likely instructed his son on those tactics. But Arthur was apparently good at using certain strategies in his interactions with others to get what he wanted.

"Let me explain!" Arthur exclaimed.

"You've done plenty of that." Merlin's magic began to flare but he took a deep breath and calmed himself. He wasn't going to lose control. He wouldn't give Arthur the satisfaction of knowing he'd angered him that much. "I can't take anything you say seriously anymore."

With that, Merlin stalked out of the room, leaving Arthur wondering how everything had gone wrong so quickly.

.~.

Merlin was long overdue to visit Morgana, so he decided to make the most of his time and see her. He reached out with his magic and found that she was sitting in the garden. He hoped that she wasn't afraid of him, like Arthur initially had been when he'd heard about his little anger problem. Luckily, she treated him like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

"Merlin! I'm glad you're here. I've been meaning to find time to talk to you," said Morgana. Then she took a good look at him. "What's got _you_ so upset?" Morgana asked.

Merlin blushed and told her about Arthur's request.

"The throne room?" Morgana's jaw hit the floor.

"Yeah, I know," said Merlin, sounding weary.

"What was your answer?"

"I didn't really give him one." Merlin shook his head to clear it. "But I didn't come here to complain about Arthur. I came to ask about your nightmares. How bad are they?"

Morgana's face darkened. "They're pretty bad. I get them almost every other night."

"We could always get you a sleeping potion," Merlin half-heartedly suggested. Sleeping potions hadn't worked well for Morgana in the past.

"No, I think they're too important to forget. I _need_ to have them. I'm a seer, Merlin. It's part of my gift," said Morgana.

"I know, but if you're so sleep-deprived that you can barely walk, you're not going to be of any use to anyone," Merlin reminded her.

"Yes, but if I can forsee someone's murder, then perhaps we can save them, you know - prevent it from happening." Morgana's eyes pleaded with Merlin to understand.

"But the future is always in motion, so we don't know for certain that your nightmares will come true," said Merlin.

"That's true," she considered. "So what should I do? Try and forget about them? Please don't tell me to do that. I don't think I can do that."

"No, just the opposite," said Merlin. "Write down all you can remember as soon as you come out of the dream, and then go back to sleep. "I can try to help you analyze what you wrote the next day."

"Write it down? _That's_ your expert advice?" Morgana stared at him in disbelief.

"Yes, so you don't forget any of the details. What?" Merlin asked.

"Can't I come to your room?" Morgana tried. "If it's so vivid in my mind when I wake up, I feel like I should tell someone. It would make me feel better."

"Morgana, I can't have you waking me up at all hours of the night," Merlin complained. "I need my sleep too, you know."

"What if I dream that Arthur is killed or hurt or something? You want me to just write that down?" Morgana huffed.

Merlin looked scandalized. "No, of course not! If you have a dream like that about Arthur, you come straight to me no matter what I'm doing. Wake me if I'm sleeping, walk in on me if I'm bathing…"

"I get the point," said Morgana, cutting him off. She gave a little laugh. "All I have to do is mention Arthur's name and I can get you to do whatever I want."

"That's not true!" Merlin tried to defend himself, but it was hopeless. They both knew she was right.

"Even after all this time, you're still completely besotted by him!"

"He makes it really easy to be in love with, when he's not being a prat," said Merlin. "Like he's being now."

"You two will work it out," Morgana said. "You always do."

"I know. It's just-" Merlin sighed. "Arthur's got this magnetic presence that draws you in. Don't tell me you haven't felt it. Didn't you have a crush on him when I first came here?"

"Uh, _no_," said Morgana, looking anywhere but Merlin's face. "Gross."

"Even Gwen had a crush on Arthur for a few weeks. Come on, admit it," Merlin goaded. "You thought he was attractive."

"No!" Morgana scoffed.

"At least admit that you flirted with him."

"I flirt with anyone who is moderately attractive!" Morgana said in her defense.

"Ha! So you _do _think Arthur is attractive!" Merlin smirked.

"This is going nowhere." Morgana swiftly changed the subject to a more relevant topic. "I vote we talk about your anger issues."

All traces of mirth left Merlin's face. "I've got it under control, Morgana," Merlin insisted.

"It didn't look like it." Morgana regarded him carefully. Merlin could feel the weight of her stare, as if she could see into the depths of his very soul. "You almost pulverized that knight when you learned what he did."

"But I didn't!" Merlin protested. "I stopped myself before anyone got hurt."

"Do you think you'll always be able to stop yourself when you get angry?"

"Of course I-" Merlin slumped in his chair. "No. I don't know."

"It's okay," said Morgana, taking his hands in hers and squeezing tightly. "We'll figure this out."

"Yeah, right." Merlin scoffed. "You know, when Gaius told me I was destined to be this great and powerful wizard, I was so excited! I would be wielding this awesome force, this pure magic in a way that no other magician ever had. But no one ever told me about the other part, how I'd have to keep my anger under control because if I didn't, I could potentially kill someone without even uttering a spell."

"And Gaius never taught you anything about controlling your magic?"

"No," said Merlin. "I never asked him, because at the time, it wasn't an issue."

"Perhaps Geoffrey could help," Morgana suggested. "He might know of a book that could give you the answers that you seek. Perhaps one from the restricted section, with all the books that Uther collected during the purge. I haven't looked through those yet, have you?"

"No," said Merlin. He'd honestly forgotten about those books. They could hold a wealth of information that he never even knew existed. "It couldn't hurt to try. I'll go down to the library soon and I'll let you know if I find anything of interest."

"Good," said Morgana. "Have you thought about what you're going to tell the students when school starts back up again tomorrow?"

"Yes. Just that they can't use their magic for anything but good, and how what one of them does reflects on all of us."

"That sounds reasonable," said Morgana. "I have a suggestion. Maybe you should raise your voice a little. Let them know you really mean it."

"Maybe I should," Merlin considered. "I'm about to go visit Caelia. Do you want to come with me?"

"No thanks," said Morgana. "I've got some things to do. Tell her that I hope she gets better soon."

"I will," Merlin promised. "Thanks for the talk."

"Anytime," said Morgana, and meant it.

.~.

Merlin went to Caelia, who was resting in her small bed in the servants' quarters. She was recovering nicely, but was still a little shaken up by the whole situation. Bruin was there as well, helping to take care of his fiancé. They conversed briefly about Merlin addressing the school in hopes of preventing any more misunderstandings. After spending a half hour with them, he left the two lovers, promising to return the next day.

The young warlock tidied up the king's chambers and then it was time for dinner. He went down to the kitchens and grabbed two plates for himself and Arthur. It was a little annoying having to do his old menial tasks, but it was only for a week until Rowan returned. Merlin was starting to grow fond of the boy, even if he'd used his magic improperly. Rowan reminded him of himself when he first came to Camelot, lost and in need of guidance. He only hoped he'd be able to guide the boy as well as Gaius had guided him.

Arthur turned up just as Merlin had returned with his dinner. He apologized for his earlier discretion and Merlin decided to forgive him. Then Merlin told him about his conversation with Morgana, and how there was a whole section of books on magic in the library that he hadn't even known about.

"I need to pay Geoffrey a visit," said Merlin. "He might know of a book that can help me control my dark magic."

"That would be good," said Arthur.

"I also wanted to ask him about if he knew what happened to the Court Sorcerer that was here before me."

"There was no court sorcerer before you." Arthur gave him a strange look.

"There was!" Merlin crowed. "Uther had one, and from the sound of it they were friends."

"How do you know this?" Arthur wondered.

"Ygraine's diary. I read the next entry."

"Without me?" Arthur pouted.

"We can re-read it together," said Merlin. "Your mother fell hard for Uther and then he did something that could've potentially ruined their relationship."

"Sounds like my father," said Arthur. "Can we go ahead and read it?"

"What, now?"

"Yes, _Mer_lin. Now. We can have dinner in bed."

"Alright," said Merlin with a shrug.

They read about how Uther had deeply hurt Ygraine when he found out about her fainting spells, mistakenly thinking she wouldn't be suitable for having children.

"My father was a royal prat," said Arthur, after they'd finished the entry and closed the book.

"That must be where you get it from," Merlin teased.

"I can't believe he treated my mother that way!"

"In his defense, he was given the wrong information," said Merlin. "And he knew he _had_ to produce an heir in the future. I can sort of see where he's coming from."

"Don't defend him, Merlin. I won't hear it."

"Just trying to keep things interesting by giving you an alternate perspective," said Merlin.

"Yes, well, I wish you wouldn't. Can we read the next entry?" Arthur asked. "I want to know what happens next."

"Sure." Merlin was agreeable to spending any time alone with Arthur, no matter what they were doing. Arthur re-opened the book to the sixth entry and began to read aloud.

Diary Entry Six

_I was all set to return home, when someone begged me to change my mind and stay. My ladies' maid, Hannah, pleaded with me to sort things out with Uther. I asked her why it was so important that I do so, and she confessed to me that while I'd been out with Uther, she'd been courting someone as well. Apparently, she had been seeing the court sorcerer,__ Ruadhán, and they had fallen in love. I told her that I didn't think I could marry Uther now, not with what had been said. She asked if I could give him another chance, and while I really wanted to, I wasn't sure if I could. His words had stung – he'd practically compared me to livestock and that the only thing I was good for was to breed with me. But I promised Hannah that if Uther came to see me, I would hear him out._

"Ruadhán was the name of Uther's Court Sorcerer," said Merlin. "That's helpful. Did you ever hear of a Ruadhán when you were young?"

"Never," said Arthur. "I've never heard of a Hannah either. Which is surprising because she was so close to my mother. I wonder why she didn't stay in Camelot to help take care of me."

They read on.

_It turns out that I didn't have long to wait. Uther found me, and told me that he'd had a servant swear to him that his wife had fainting spells, but she'd bore him five children without any difficulties. He then apologized for what he'd said, that he'd only said it in the heat of the moment and that he was inwardly distraught about losing me. He then declared that he thought I was the only woman for him, and that he wouldn't be happy with any other. He got down on one knee, admitted once again that he'd been wrong to say what he had, and begged my forgiveness. I calmly granted it. He then praised my goodness, my intelligence, and then finally my beauty, claiming those were the reasons he was drawn to me. Just when I thought he was finished, he asked if I would be his wife. _

"That was quick," said Merlin. "I wouldn't be so keen to agree after what he'd just done."

"Let's see what she says," said Arthur. He continued to read.

_My heart leapt at his words, but my head reminded me that there was still a potential problem. I asked him what he would do with me if we married and couldn't conceive. He then said that he would turn to magic. I reminded him that it was forbidden that royalty use magic to conceive. He insisted that he didn't care, that he'd break all the laws if it meant he could have me as his wife, because he loved me for me._

_Heaven help me, I believed him. I told him that I needed a month of courtship, and by then I would give him my answer. But my telltale smile gave me away, and Uther whisked me into his arms, twirling me about the room. I held tight to him, and we joyfully renewed our love._

"That's good she asked for a month before agreeing to marry him," said Merlin. "She sounds like a very forgiving person."

"I agree," said Arthur. "She must've been a saint to put up with my father and his idiot remarks."

"Sounds familiar," said Merlin.

"Hey!" Arthur put his plate aside and initiated a tickle fight.

"Arthur, stop!" Merlin gasped, as he was extremely ticklish.

"Fine." Arthur took pity on his sorcerer. "So did you think about the throne room?"

Merlin sighed. "A one track mind, you've got."

.~.

_The next day_

Rowan had returned to his village, which was not far from Camelot. He was welcomed back by his uncle, who had been like a father to him.

"So, how was your time in Camelot? Was it productive?"

Rowan nodded. "I created a disturbance that caused an even bigger rift between the knights and the magic users."

"Excellent." His uncle smiled. "Yet another thing that will hopefully tear Arthur and Merlin apart."

"Uncle, I don't like doing this," Rowan protested. "Uther's gone now. Why must we go after his son?"

His uncle's voice darkened. "Remember, boy. Your mother gave you to me, and she died of a broken heart only a few days later. She told me what had happened to my brother, how Uther had murdered him in cold blood. Then, we were almost discovered during the purge. Thankfully, the druids gave us shelter until the search for magic users was called off. I promised myself that Uther Pendragon and all of his line would pay for the atrocities that he'd committed."

"But…"

"Rowan, I took you in and raised you as one of my own sons. I expected that you would be as powerful as they, but that didn't happen."

Embarrassment flooded the boy's features. His cousins had been able to steal the magic ring from Caelia and Bruin in the forest. He would never have been assigned such an important job, as he wasn't powerful enough to hold his own in a magical fight. "I'm sorry."

"No matter. You have a special job, getting so close to Arthur. You overheard Merlin telling the couple about the powers of that ring, and passed that information on. Not only that, but you have learned the king's most secret of secrets – his obsession with his court sorcerer. Arthur trusts you, and that will prove to be useful when we take the throne from him."

"I-I'm not sure if we should," Rowan stammered. "Arthur and Merlin have been nothing but good to me. Magic is legal now, and I get to go to school to learn how to use my gift."

"Don't be fooled, Rowan. You said that Merlin is teaching you mostly defensive spells. He's not letting you reach your full potential because he doesn't want his students to grow more powerful than he and usurp him."

"Perhaps, but I have no quarrel with Arthur. He's made things better for people like us."

"It was your mother's dying wish that we would avenge the death of your father. And not just Uther's death, but the end of the Pendragon line as well. Rowan, you know this!" His uncle reminded him.

Rowan frowned. "I thought you said earlier that it was _your_ wish."

"It was both your mother's wish and mine," Rowan's uncle quickly amended his words. His mother had never actually said anything of the sort, but Rowan didn't have to know that.

"I know but don't you think you might be taking this revenge thing a bit too far?" Rowan asked.

"Arthur is not fit to rule. Let me show you what goes on behind closed doors."

Rowan's uncle pulled out his scrying bowl, which could show a moving picture of any place in the world depending on the intent of the user. Rowan looked into the orb and when the picture cleared, he saw Arthur and Merlin. He couldn't believe his eyes. They were having sex on Arthur's throne and Merlin was the one driving into Arthur. Rowan had to look away, as he began to feel sick. His uncle put the scrying bowl away and turned to his nephew.

"How do I know that you are showing me the truth?" Rowan asked in a trembling voice. His uncle had lied to him about a few things in the past, and he wanted to be certain.

His uncle gave a harsh laugh. "When you return, ask Merlin what he was doing that day in the throne room. His reaction will confirm what I've shown you."

"I just can't believe Arthur would allow such a submission," said Rowan, sounding broken. "No man would allow that, let alone a king." Before, he'd held both of his heroes in such high esteem. Now that illusion was shattered.

"_Now_ do you understand?" His uncle asked.

"Yes." Rowan was determined now. He wouldn't question his uncle's orders any further.

"Remember, your next mission is to…" His uncle whispered what he must do. Rowan nodded, ready to do what must be done.

He would carry out his mission as soon as he arrived back in Camelot. Merlin was never going to know what hit him.

.~.

End Chapter 22

A/N: Reviews are great! This one came pretty quick. I hope you liked getting it so soon after the last one.


	24. This Spells Trouble

9

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. Rowan is becoming more of an important character. I hope his motivations for his actions make sense. Just a minor warning - there's a bit of a graphic description of a love scene. Now, on to the story!

.~.

Chapter 23: This Spells Trouble

.~.

After spending a week with his uncle and cousins, Rowan returned to Camelot. As soon as he arrived, he was met by a guard and told that Merlin had requested an audience with him at once in the gardens. This was fortuitous as Rowan needed to speak to Merlin concerning what his uncle had shown him via the scrying bowl. Surely Merlin hadn't _really_ had relations with the king on the throne. Rowan didn't want to believe his uncle, didn't want to carry out the mission. He liked Merlin, respected him even. But if what his uncle had shown him were true, he'd have no choice but to carry out his mission that would supplant Arthur and disgrace Merlin.

Rowan hurried to the gardens so that he could meet with Merlin, and get his answer once and for all.

"Rowan, how was your trip?" Merlin greeted him with a smile.

"Fine, sir."

"What have I told you about using 'sir'? You know I want you to call me Merlin." Merlin gave the boy a knowing look, that he'd figured out that Rowan was sucking up to him to make up for the pig incident. "Please, sit down." The warlock indicated the stone bench across from him. Rowan sat, his heart beginning to pound as he prepared to ask Merlin about the throne room.

"Morgana and I have determined your punishment for what you did to those knights," said Merlin.

"And what's that?" Rowan asked.

"You must go for a week without using magic."

"What?" Rowan scoffed. "Don't you think that's a little much?"

"I thought that turning the knight's heads into pigs was a little much," Merlin retorted. "Do you promise to do this?"

"I promise," Rowan muttered.

"Do you understand why you're being punished?" Merlin regarded him closely.

"Because I used magic irresponsibly," Rowan stated, as if saying the words for memory. Merlin doubted he believed them, but it was a start.

"Yes," Merlin said sternly. "You did."

"How will you know if I'm using magic or not?" Rowan asked, in spite of himself.

"I won't," Merlin admitted. "I'm trusting you to keep your word. Will you?"

"Yes." Then Rowan subtly turned the conversation to the question that had been on his mind. "How did things go without me to attend to you and Arthur?"

"Fine," said Merlin. "We managed."

"I heard that you performed some sort of magical experiment in the throne room while I was gone. Did it work?" Rowan asked. He prayed that Merlin wouldn't look guilty. Maybe his uncle had conjured the whole thing, that what he'd seen hadn't actually happened.

"Oh, yes… that." Merlin blushed crimson. "I'd rather not talk about it, if you don't mind."

Rowan then asked, "Did it not work?" Merlin's reaction made him nervous. Surely there must be an explanation for it besides what he was thinking.

"Um…" Merlin shrugged.

He couldn't help but remember exactly what had gone on between him and Arthur that day. On the _throne_. Why had he ever agreed to something so ridiculous? Oh yes - it was because he loved Arthur and he wanted to make him happy. It had been an extremely pleasurable experience, no denying it. Before they'd started, Merlin had cast a soundproofing spell so he and Arthur could be as loud as they wanted.

Merlin had loved asserting his dominance over Arthur, who didn't allow it very often. The young warlock remembered pounding into Arthur so hard that the throne began to shake. Arthur's head had fallen back against the throne, his eyes tightly shut as he thrusted in perfect sync with Merlin. Beads of sweat had begun to form at the top of Arthur's forehead, which Merlin had licked off. Engulfed in Arthur's intoxicating scent, his magic had flared, intensifying their already strong passion. Arthur had come apart when he opened his eyes and watched Merlin's eyes flash gold as Merlin held him down with his magic, rendering him completely helpless. Arthur had cried out, called Merlin his king, and at that Merlin came so hard from that sentiment that his magic shattered most of the glass in the windows. After they came down from their high, they clung to each other as their heartbeats slowly returned to normal.

Rowan was speaking again, drawing Merlin out of his reverie.

"Morgana said that you had the king helping you with your experiment. What did you need Arthur for?" Rowan asked, trying to sound innocent. In reality, Morgana had said no such thing. Rowan just had to be sure that what his uncle had shown him that day in the throne room had indeed been the truth.

"I needed Arthur's assistance to…" Merlin trailed off and coughed, muttering something about the acoustics and size of the room being pertinent to the experiment. "I, uh, needed Arthur there to make sure that I didn't get overwhelmed by my magic." It was a flimsy excuse, but Merlin never had been good at making up explanations. Rowan saw right through it.

Rowan's stomach sunk as he digested the fact that Arthur had indeed been present during the 'experiment'. So Merlin and the king had indeed indulged in sexual relations on the throne, just like his uncle had shown him.

"I heard that some of the stain glass shattered," said Rowan. "So _something_ must've happened." He hoped he didn't sound too accusatory.

"I uh, lost control of what I was doing. The experiment was… it was a foolish thing to do." Merlin continued to blush as he remembered how his magic really enjoyed taking Arthur on the throne. The breaking glass had been a surprise. Arthur had laughed so hard at that as Merlin quickly repaired the damage. He had teased Merlin about being so hot for him that his magic had gotten out of control.

"Apparently," said Rowan, trying to keep his emotions in check so that Merlin wouldn't be suspicious. "Well, I'd better get back to my duties. I'm sure your chambers need a thorough cleaning, and if I'm not allowed to use magic I'd better get started right away."

"That would be much appreciated," said Merlin, who was thrilled to be talking about anything else. "I'm glad you're back, Rowan."

The boy didn't smile or react to the sentiment. He was still digesting the new information - that Merlin had as good as told him what he and Arthur had done. He was extremely disappointed, and his anger was starting to grow. He'd looked up to Merlin so much (and Arthur) that this was a heavy blow. Now he had no reason not to carry out his mission.

"Don't take it so hard." Merlin patted his arm. "The punishment's only for a week. It won't be fun, but I know you can get by without doing magic for that long." He had incorrectly guessed the reason for Rowan's lack of reaction. Merlin watched the boy leave, glad that his punishment was going to get through to Rowan. He hadn't the faintest clue as to what was really going on in Rowan's head.

.~.

_Later that day_

Merlin met Arthur in the throne room for lunch. He told his king about his awkward conversation with Rowan, which Arthur found extremely amusing. Afterwards, they went to pay a visit to Geoffrey of Monmouth. The elderly man was waiting for them in the library.

"Arthur, Merlin." He nodded at them in turn. "It is good to see you both. What can I help you with?"

"I wanted to ask you about the books that had been placed under restriction during the purge," said Merlin.

"Yes?"

"Are you familiar with them?"

Geoffrey shrugged. "Some of them."

"Do you know if there's a book that talks about controlling magic? Well, controlling how one feels while they are performing magic." Merlin blushed, not sure exactly how to ask for what he wanted without telling Geoffrey exactly what was going on.

"I'm not sure," said the old scholar. "Your request sounds somewhat vague. Can you be more specific?"

"Merlin's having trouble keeping his anger under control when he's using magic," Arthur happily informed the scholar.

"_Ar_thur!" Merlin hissed.

"What?" said Arthur. "You would've had to tell him eventually. I just saved you the trouble."

"Don't worry, Merlin - your secret is safe with me," said Geoffrey, trying to head off a confrontation. "Remember, I have seen all kinds of magic in my day. The fact that you are looking to control your powers is a relief. I will help you in any way I can."

"Thank you," Merlin said gratefully. "I'd appreciate if you wouldn't tell anyone about this."

"My lips are sealed," Geoffrey vowed. "Let's see. I would recommend you looking through these." He pulled out a few dusty volumes that were larger than Gaius's encyclopedia of medicine. "There you are."

Merlin took the first few books that Geoffrey had brought out, staggering under their weight before muttering a spell to lighten his load. He decided to eventually have the rest of the books brought up to the school, where his students would have easy access to their knowledge.

"That should keep you busy for a while," said Arthur.

"What gave you that idea," Merlin said dryly.

"Will that be all, my lords?" Geoffrey asked.

"No. There is one more thing," said Arthur. "I wanted to ask you something about the purge."

"Yes?"

"Can you tell us about the Court Sorcerer that served my father? Whatever happened to him?" Arthur asked.

"How do you know about that?" Geoffrey looked astonished, almost frightened. "All records of him have been erased."

"Never mind," said Arthur, not wishing to reveal that he had Ygraine's diary in his possession. "We know his name was Ruadhán. What do you know about him?"

"It was a long time ago." Geoffrey's face was ashen. "I think it's best if we left the past in the past."

"Something important obviously happened if all records of him were erased," said Arthur. "Was he killed during the purge?"

"Yes."

"Did my father kill him personally?" Arthur pressed.

"Yes," Geoffrey admitted after a long pause.

"Why?"

"I don't know." The old man heaved a great sigh. "There were rumors, that Ruadhán had something to do with your mother's death. That week of the purge - it was a terrible time for anyone living in Camelot, never knowing who you could trust or who would swear to the guards that they'd seen you practicing sorcery. Be glad you weren't alive during it."

"But how can that be?" Arthur wondered. "We all know that Nimueh demanded a life for a life, so she took my mother's after I was born. Why would Ruadhán be involved?"

"I can tell you no more than that," said Geoffrey, avoiding Arthur's eyes.

"Are you certain?" Arthur narrowed his eyes at the elderly scholar. "If I find out you're keeping something from me, I can have you-"

"Thank you for your assistance, Geoffrey." Merlin cut Arthur off, glaring at his king. He felt there was no need to antagonize the poor man, who'd just been forced to relive a painful memory. "You've been a great deal of help."

"You're welcome," said the old man, baffled at the lack of Arthur's reaction after being interrupted.

Merlin placed his hand on Arthur's shoulder and gently guided him towards the exit. Much to Geoffrey's surprise, the king of Camelot allowed himself to be led away. The court sorcerer held much influence over the king, but Geoffrey had already known that. He remembered how a little over a month ago, Arthur had admitted his love for Merlin, choosing to confide in him so that he'd forge the papers to make Guinevere eligible to be the queen.

"Wait!" Geoffrey called after them. "Before you go… are you two… doing alright?"

"What? _Oh_…" said Merlin, coloring yet again. "Arthur and I are doing quite well, thanks."

"That's good," said Geoffrey. "Well." He cleared his throat. "I just thought I'd ask."

"What?" Arthur gave them a blank look.

"I'll tell you later." Merlin gave a long suffering sigh. Just once, could Arthur be less oblivious?

"What was that all about?" Arthur asked, once they were out of earshot.

"He was asking about us."

Arthur blinked, uncomprehending. "Us?"

"Yes, you nitwit. Us. You know, the state of our relationship."

"He… ohhhhh. That's weird." Arthur shuddered.

"Yes, a bit," Merlin agreed. "He's just looking after us, I suppose."

Arthur wrinkled his nose. "It's not any of his business."

"You made it his business when you announced it to him a few months back," Merlin reminded him.

"Oh, that's right." Arthur gave him a sheepish grin. "I should've told him that our love burns as strongly as it ever did."

Merlin made a face. "I'm glad you didn't."

Arthur's eyes took on a teasing glint. "You know, I think I should have told him about the throne- mmph!"

Merlin had placed his hand over Arthur's mouth. "Shhh! You promised me you'd never talk about it outside of our chamber." Arthur made a loud sound of protest. The court sorcerer slowly removed his hand from Arthur's mouth.

"Alright, relax." Arthur scowled at Merlin. "That was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life, and you're acting like it was some dirty secret."

"It was a moment of weakness when I agreed to it," said Merlin. He then looked as serious as Arthur had ever seen him. "Arthur, if anyone had seen, we could've lost _everything_."

"No one saw!" The king exclaimed. "Morgana and Gwen were guarding the door the whole time. You're being paranoid!"

"What about the glass shattering?" Merlin worried.

"It was explained away easily enough. You did say that you were performing a magical experiment."

"But what about Morgana's nightmare?" Merlin brought up a subject that had been haunting him all day. The day after the throne room incident, Morgana had informed him that she'd dreamed that someone (probably a sorcerer) had used a scrying bowl to watch Arthur and Merlin's private moment. She warned Merlin that this person could very well use this against them.

"You said yourself that even though Morgana's a seer, not everything she dreams will come true because the future is always in motion," Arthur reminded him. "And besides, even if some pervert of a sorcerer did watch from afar, he has no proof of what we did."

"It still scares me, though," Merlin admitted. "If anyone found out how you let me dominate you on the _throne_ of all places, people would believe that you were unfit to be king OR they would think I'd put you under a spell. I can't do anything like that again, no matter how much you'd like it… no matter how much I'd like it. We _can't_." Merlin insisted.

"I understand," Arthur said gravely, pulling Merlin close. "I'll stop trying to persuade you into trying things you aren't sure about."

"Thank you," Merlin whispered. "I love you, Arthur, but I fear that the risk is too great."

"That's fine," said Arthur. "I'll take you any way I can get you."

Merlin bristled at the comment. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

Arthur gulped, trying to find the words to explain what he was trying to say. Apparently Merlin had taken his words as an insult. "I only meant, that if all you wish to do is to remain in the privacy of our chambers, then I'm fine with it."

"Truly?" Merlin's eyes searched Arthur's for any doubts, but found none.

"Yes." Arthur took Merlin's head in his hands and gently kissed his forehead.

"I need to get down to the school," said Merlin, reluctant to leave Arthur. "I've called my students in so I can give them a talking to about just how they use their magic."

"I could come with you," Arthur offered. "I could help you scare them a bit. Give them the royal glare."

"No, that's alright," said Merlin with a chuckle. "I need to do this by myself. Well, with Morgana's help."

"Good luck," said Arthur, smoothing back Merlin's hair, which had an errant curl sticking up.

"Thanks. I'll see you tonight."

Merlin took his leave. Arthur watched him go, disappointed that he wouldn't get a repeat performance on the throne. He always wanted to spice up their love life, but he didn't want to push Merlin into doing anything where he felt uncomfortable. Arthur would enjoy their time together in the privacy of their chambers – that would be enough. He'd never admit it to anyone, but he felt that the sex wasn't the most important part of their relationship. He had Merlin to love and share his life with, to celebrate their successes and to mourn their failures. Merlin completed him, and that was what mattered most.

.~.

_Later_

Merlin met with Morgana for a few minutes before he addressed the school. During that time, they agreed on the particulars of the message that they wished to convey.

"Do you think I'm going to be too hard on them?" Merlin asked, just before they went to speak with their students.

"No, I think that under the circumstances they need a firm hand," Morgana reassured him. "Even if there were only a few people who were involved in the pig incident, we don't want any more of that sort of thing to happen. We have to let them know where we stand."

Merlin and Morgana entered the school room side by side. All of their students were present, solemnly regarding their teachers as they sat at their desks. Merlin spotted Rowan by his red hair in the second row. His speech was meant to reach all of his students but it was especially meant for Rowan and his friends that had caused all the trouble. Merlin caught his young servant's eye before he began the speech. He thought he saw anger in Rowan's gaze, but he blinked and thought he must have imagined it. It was time for him to begin his speech.

He talked about the unfortunate incident involving Caelia and Bruin, as well as the prank committed on Sir Caradoc, and Sir Pelleas. Not that anyone needed a reminder of what had happened.

"I ask that you not be angry with the knights, or the people who still hold prejudices against us," said Merlin. "They are not the enemy. The enemy is _ignorance_. What one of us does reflects back on all of us, so we must be united in this. We must show the people of Camelot that our magic is only used for good. We must prove to them that we deserve the repeal of the law against magic, and now that it has been granted, we won't abuse our power."

"This means, in no certain terms, _no more pranks_," Morgana added. "I know some of you think the knights deserved their few minutes with pig heads. But the fact is, those men made a mistake. The sooner you can forgive them, the sooner we can all move past this."

"I want you all to swear to me that you'll only use your magic to help others, to improve everyone's quality of life, and not for personal gain," Merlin said sternly. He motioned at Rowan to come forward, deciding to start with him. "Do you swear to do this?"

Rowan's face remained impassive. "I swear."

"Good."

Merlin moved on to the rest of the students, asking each person to individually swear to him not to abuse their powers. Distracted by the task at hand, he didn't notice when Rowan slipped away.

.~.

Rowan made his way back to the castle, heading straight for the king's chambers. He removed five tightly wrapped round objects from the satchel that he'd brought from home. His uncle had placed a powerful spell on each of the five tightly tied poultices, which were all intended for Merlin. He carefully placed the poultices under the bed in Ygraine's old room, where he knew that Merlin slept every night. The dark magic would slowly infect him as he slept, and Merlin would never know, never even suspect what was happening. Rowan placed each one under the boards that were supporting the mattress. He did so in such a way that if someone looked under the bed, they would not be able to spot the poultices.

The spell on the poultices was designed to enhance all negative emotions, and diminish all positive emotions. Anger, fear, hatred, jealousy – whenever Merlin naturally felt these emotions, they would be amplified. In contrast, whenever he felt happiness or confidence, those emotions would be muted. The spell would induce the ultimate suffering – the recipient would slowly go mad without realizing what was happening to them.

Rowan remembered his uncle's words – he wished to destroy Merlin's life and therefore make Arthur suffer watching the one he loved go insane. Rowan's uncle wanted Arthur to feel the same pain that he and Rowan's mother had felt after they'd lost Rowan's father to Uther's violent purge. His uncle had given Rowan the vital task of hiding the poultices where Merlin would most be affected by them. Rowan had cleverly thought of hiding them under Merlin's bed. He was the only servant that was permitted in the room, in order to clean it. He believed the plan to be foolproof.

In time, When Merlin was substantially weakened and Arthur distracted, Rowan would alert his uncle. Then, he and his followers could launch a surprise attack and strike at the heart of Camelot. Using dark magic, his uncle planned to take over the kingdom, and let the magic users rule over the common people. Only then would he have completed his revenge and give the magic users the freedom that they deserved.

Rowan had been reluctant to go along with the plan at first, but he realized that his quality of life would substantially improve under his uncle's rule. He wouldn't have to remain a servant, he'd be given a higher position in the royal household, he'd be given access to a title, wealth, women, and power. It sounded like a dream to Rowan, who'd never had much of anything in his life. When his uncle finally took over, he'd be regarded as significant, which was what Rowan wanted most of all.

.~.

End Chapter 23

A/N: I'm at over 90 reviews. Wow! That's a lot for a story based on a show that's been off the air for a few years. I'm hoping to get 100 reviews soon. I know you guys can make that happen!

Also, I've had a few people express their interest in my writing dark!Merlin and that is clearly going to happen. I'm not sure how far I'm going to take that. Stay tuned!


	25. Emotions Rising

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. Warning: Use of the F word and sexy times. If I need to bump up the rating, let me know. I added 'lust' as a feeling that Merlin's going to be dealing with as part of the spell because how fun is that?!

Also, I reached over 100,000 words! Woohoo! I worked really hard on this – I hope you enjoy.

.~.

Chapter 24: Emotions Rising

.~.

(Recap)

_Rowan made his way back to the castle, heading straight for the king's chambers. He removed five tightly wrapped round objects from the satchel that he'd brought from home. His uncle had placed a powerful spell on each of the five tightly tied poultices, which were all intended for Merlin. He carefully placed the poultices under the bed in Ygraine's old room, where he knew that Merlin slept almost every night. The dark magic would slowly infect him as he slept, and Merlin would never know, never even suspect what was happening. Rowan placed each one under the boards that were supporting the mattress. He did so in such a way that if someone looked under the bed, they would not be able to spot the poultices. _

_The spell on the poultices was designed to enhance all negative emotions, and diminish all positive emotions. __Anger, fear, lust, hatred, jealousy__ – whenever Merlin naturally felt these emotions, they would be amplified. In contrast, whenever he felt happiness or confidence, those emotions would be muted. The spell would induce the ultimate suffering – the recipient would slowly go mad without realizing what was happening to them. _

.~.

_The next day_

Merlin had some free time, so he decided he'd look at some of the books on magic that Geoffrey had given him. He settled comfortably on Arthur's bed, propping himself against the headboard with fluffy crimson pillows in between his back and the hard wood. He yawned and stretched, opened one of the books, and began to read. The young warlock sincerely doubted that he'd find something that would help him manage his anger, but he was willing to try. After flipping through a few fairly ancient books, he came across a passage called 'Controlling Your Magic'. It read like this:

_Emotions and Magic_

_Emotions are powerful and sometimes frightening things. They are even more so for magicians, as they could lead to a loss of control and dark magic coursing through you. This could result in you harming someone, or in extreme cases, killing them. Everyone needs to learn how to control their emotions, but magicians especially need to, as they could have disastrous consequences._

Merlin agreed with this wholeheartedly. Perhaps this book would provide the answers he was seeking! He read on.

_When you experience a negative emotion, such as anger, you oftentimes are in denial about what you are feeling. Ignoring this feeling is not helpful in dealing with you anger. It makes you feel better for a while, but it is not an effective long term strategy. In fact, it's just the opposite. Letting your anger fester over time and not addressing it allows it to build up inside of you, and it will usually surface in a negative way. _

Merlin supposed this could be true. However, he didn't always like dealing with his emotions the moment that they surfaced. He'd rather push them away and avoid a conflict with the person he was angry with. Dealing with his emotions as they happened was something he wasn't familiar with. In fact, he wasn't sure he wanted to do such a thing. He really didn't like where this book was headed, but he kept reading.

_During this time you also are apt to blame others for making you feel a certain way. For example, if your friend forgets that they were going to spend time with you, you will usually feel disappointed and hurt. However, that is just you reacting to the situation – your friend didn't cause you to feel anything. Blaming someone else for how you're feeling gives up your control. If you can acknowledge that you are the one responsible for what you are feeling, it can help you release that emotion._

_It is very important that magicians know that __you choose your emotions__. No one can _make_ you have a feeling. You're just so used to reacting to situations in a certain way that you assume that emotions are not a choice. This is untrue. Only when you accept this premise will you become a master of your emotions._

"This is bullshit," Merlin muttered under his breath. "Why would anyone_ choose_ to feel negative emotions? When Arthur says something that pushes my buttons, I'm going to get upset. I can't just choose not to! People make me angry all the time if they say or do something that pisses me off."

That was when he lost interest in the book, not finding it very useful. He skimmed the rest of the entry, just to say that he had done so in case Arthur or someone else asked. At the end of the entry, the last paragraph caught his eye.

_One last suggestion - make sure you eat enough food and drink enough water all throughout the day. One is more likely to become angry on an empty stomach._

That last bit was the only piece of advice that Merlin found to be helpful. He had known that, of course, but he'd forgotten how true it was. This was an incentive to keep himself and Arthur well fed. Perhaps he should quit teasing Arthur about how he needed to be on a diet, as it only served to make Arthur cross.

Merlin closed the book and set it aside. He ruminated on what he'd just read, but he didn't come to any other conclusion than the writer of that book was crazy. He closed his eyes and told himself he was going to take a small nap and then he'd seek out Morgana like they'd planned. He hadn't slept well the night before, so he figured a nap would help renew his energy. As it turned out, he slept for two hours and didn't wake up before Arthur entered the chamber.

Merlin found himself awakened by a soft kiss to his brow. "Mmmm, Arthur," he mumbled. "Five more minutes."

"_Mer_lin, it's been two hours," Arthur gently chastised him. "If you don't get up now, tonight you'll find it harder to sleep through the night."

"Has it really been that long? Alright, I'll get up." Merlin slowly sat up, inviting Arthur to come sit next to him under the covers. The king happily did so, always willing to be close to Merlin.

"Did you find out anything useful?" Arthur asked, indicating the books beside the bed.

"Not really," Merlin sighed. "Just some crap about people choosing their emotions. I need a _real _solution for controlling my anger."

"What if you just walk out of the room when you're angry?" Arthur offered. "That's what I do sometimes. It works pretty well."

"It's a good suggestion, and it can work for regular people. But that wouldn't solve anything with my magic," said Merlin. "I need to release the emotion somehow, purge myself of the emotion.'"

"Regular people?" Arthur raised his eyebrows.

"You know what I mean." Merlin rolled his eyes. "People who don't have magic."

"Ah yes, that's right. The magical people are the _special_ people," Arthur teased.

"Very funny," said Merlin. "Actually, there _was_ one thing from the book that I found helpful."

"What's that?"

"The book said that if you were hungry and angry at the same time, your anger would be more intense than if you weren't hungry. I found that to be true," said Merlin.

"I know exactly what you mean," said Arthur. "A few weeks ago during the knight's training, Sir Leon was trying to use this as an excuse for taking his frustrations out on Sir Gwaine. He was trying to tell us that he was hungry and angry, but it came out as 'hangry'. We teased him mercilessly about slurring his words. Ever since that day, the knights and I have been using that word to explain when we're feeling those two things at once."

"Hangry," said Merlin, mulling it over. "I like it."

"I know_ I_ usually feel more in control of my emotions after a meal," Arthur admitted.

"Yes, that's why I make sure you get plenty of food." Merlin winked at Arthur. "Well, I'd better go and meet Morgana. We've got-" That was when he found himself pushed back onto the bed under the full weight of the king of Camelot. "Arthur, I've got to go," Merlin whined.

"No," said Arthur, smirking at his lover. He had him right where he wanted him, pinned down beneath him.

"Come on, let me up," Merlin insisted, lightly struggling against his king. "I promised I'd meet with her today around this time. We have some important issues to discuss in relation to the magic school."

"You can't escape me," Arthur said matter-of-factly. "You might as well yield; you know I'm stronger than you."

"Yes, but I have magic," Merlin reminded him.

"But you wouldn't use it against me," said Arthur, but he sounded a bit unsure.

"Wouldn't I?"' Merlin's eyes flashed gold and he gently pushed Arthur away.

"That's cheating," Arthur complained, as Merlin grinned at him.

"No it's not. I'm simply using all my resources to defeat you."

"I wouldn't call it a defeat _exactly_," said Arthur. "It wasn't a fair fight. I'm sure if I had magic, I could best you."

"I doubt it," said Merlin as Arthur tackled him yet again. "As fun as this is, I really need to find Morgana."

"Fine." Arthur moved away and Merlin walked towards the door.

"I'll see you later," said Merlin, his words filled with unspoken promises.

"Later," Arthur echoed, returning the sentiment.

Merlin left the room, leaving Arthur wanting so much more.

.~.

Morgana had asked Merlin to meet her in the field behind their school. When Merlin arrived, he found a row of targets set up in the grass. Upon further inspection, he recognized the targets as the ones that the knights used to practice their archery.

"What's all this?" Merlin asked as Morgana came out of the building to greet him.

"I thought we could use some target practice," said Morgana. "Suppose our students need to cast a spell on someone or something far away? They'll need practice learning how to do it. And who knows, while you practice it might help you release some of your anger."

"That's your answer to my problem? Blow things up?" Merlin looked skeptical.

"No, that's not my _only_ answer," Morgana scoffed. "I went down to the library and took some of the old books about magic, same as you. After spending about a half an hour searching, I came across a calming spell. It won't make your anger or whatever emotion you're feeling go away, but it will lessen its intensity."

"That sounds perfect," said Merlin, relieved that she'd found something relatively easy to help him. "What is it?"

Morgana told him, and asked him to remember a time when he was really angry. Merlin chose to remember the time when he'd been angry at the knights who'd almost inadvertently killed Caelia. Then she advised him to place his hands over his heart, so he would give the magic to himself. Closing his eyes, Merlin chanted the spell, focusing his thoughts around seeking calmness. He allowed his anger to slowly melt away, feeling it be replaced by a warm sense of serenity.

"How do you feel?" Morgana asked after Merlin opened his eyes.

"Better," he informed him. "I feel calmer."

"Good," said Morgana. "Then that's one thing you can do. But, if you're in the heat of the moment, you may not remember to use the spell, or perhaps you may not want to. You have to be somewhat emotionally centered for the spell to work."

"Hmm," said Merlin. "What about when I'm so angry that the spell won't help?"

"That's what the target practice is for!" Morgana exclaimed. "If you can focus on releasing your anger on an object, it might help get rid of it, or at least lessen it."

"Sounds good to me," said Merlin. "But you'll need to do something to make me angry in order to see if this will work."

"I'll be happy to." Morgana smirked. "You're a terrible teacher of magic and your failure is really letting our students down. They'll be leaving the school in droves any day now."

"You can do better than that," said Merlin.

"You don't know if you asked Arthur to marry Gwen because you wanted to help her, or if it was because it was a way to let you and him be together."

"Keep going," Merlin encouraged. That one had brought up a dash of guilt, but it wasn't nearly powerful enough to make Merlin lose his temper.

"You're not powerful enough to defend Camelot from a dark wizard because you get distracted too easily."

That one sort of hit home. Merlin felt his magic rising, but he was able to push it back down.

That was when Morgana went in for the kill. "You and Arthur fucking is an abomination and a threat to the future of Camelot," she yelled.

Merlin's entire body shook with anger. The dark magic welled up inside him, desperately seeking a release at the person who had insulted his love for Arthur. Realizing what was happening, he stretched out his arm and let go, focusing on hitting the target.

"Very good!" Morgana praised his success. "Although try not to pulverize it next time. We only have so many wooden targets."

Merlin chuckled. "I doubt our students will be able to do more than knock the targets over, if they can hit the targets at all. Maybe a few will cause them to splinter. I just don't think they're that powerful yet."

"We shall see," said Morgana. "Let's try again."

She was able to spark his anger a few more times, but nothing she said had been as hurtful as insinuating that his relationship with Arthur was unnatural. Merlin concentrated on channeling his anger into cracking the shields, making them easy to repair for future use.

"Was this helpful?" Morgana asked when they were finished.

"Yes!" Merlin felt much lighter, much happier now that he had two skills with which to handle his anger. "If I feel my anger getting out of control, I'll run out of the room and then unleash it on an object. No one will get hurt. Or I could try the calming spell."

"Excellent," said Morgana. They agreed that they'd try this exercise with their students when they felt like it was the right time. Merlin left the field ready to conquer all that life threw at him.

.~.

_Three days later_

After Merlin finished teaching at his school, he realized he had some time before he took dinner with Arthur. He decided to seek out Guinevere, as he hadn't had any 'one on one' time with her in a while. He wanted to see how she was coping with her queenly duties as well as ask about her emotional well-being. He reached out with his magic and easily located her. She was in the empty servants quarters, writing a proposal for the Council about why the taxes on the poor should be reduced.

"Are you busy?" Merlin asked after he entered the room. He surmised that Gwen felt at home here, and had taken advantage of the empty room as the servants were off working.

"Never too busy for you," said Gwen. "What's going on?"

"Could we take a walk?" Merlin asked. "Just for a little while."

"Certainly," said Gwen. "Let me get my cloak."

Merlin led her to the garden, to a secluded spot where they would not be disturbed. He found a bench they could sit on that overlooked the roses. It was the perfect place to have a heart to heart.

"What's this about?" Gwen asked after they'd gotten settled. "Is there anything wrong between you and Arthur?"

"No, nothing like that," said Merlin. "I just wanted to talk to you. I haven't made myself available much lately and I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"Oh, you know… I'm doing alright," said Gwen. "I'm trying to keep busy. I go to the lower town quite a lot, to stay abreast of everyone's needs. Sometimes I can help, sometimes I can't. But some help must be better than no help at all."

"Well said," Merlin applauded. "You seem to be in better spirits lately."

"I am. Mostly. But…" Gwen trailed off, and Merlin automatically pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to go to pieces. It's h-hardest at night, when I can't stop thinking about Lance, and the life my baby could've had if he were still alive." She held back a sob. "I promised myself I wasn't going to cry anymore. But I c-can't help it."

"I'm here for you. Arthur is too." Merlin tried to reassure her that she wasn't alone, and felt a little guilty that he hadn't sought out Gwen before today. Gwen was his best friend (besides Arthur) and the last thing he wanted to do was neglect her.

"You know, Arthur's been great," said Gwen, her voice sounding steadier. "He holds me when it gets really bad, when I can't stop shaking."

"I didn't know that." Merlin was pleased, but then felt the slightest bit of jealousy surface in his mind. Merlin knew that it was completely unfounded, and quickly pushed the thought away, confused as to why he'd had it in the first place.

"Yes, your man is quite the cuddler," Gwen teased. "Although I know he'd prefer it was you he was holding."

"I'm glad you're getting the comfort you deserve," said Merlin and meant it. "Arthur's really good at helping me feel better when I'm feeling down. I'm glad he's helping you."

"You're very lucky," said Gwen, with just a hint of wistfulness in her voice.

"I know," Merlin said quietly. "I remind myself of that every day. Sometimes I see him standing at the head of the table during meetings, leading the conversation and I think, wow, that man, that king belongs to me. He gave his heart to me freely, when he could've had anyone else. That thought completely humbles me."

"Arthur's also very lucky to have you," said Gwen. "Not everyone would put up with his theatrics. He doesn't easily open up to people."

"That's true. Sometimes I feel like I have to pull things out of him," said Merlin, making a face. "But he will usually make the effort, because he knows it's important to me."

"He's lucky to have someone he knows will never betray his trust, or belittle him for revealing his true feelings."

"I'd never do that!" Merlin exclaimed.

"I know you wouldn't," Gwen soothed. "That's my point."

"Oh," said Merlin.

"A little touchy today, are we?" Gwen teased.

"Nah, I'm fine. Just a little tired," said Merlin. "Well, I'm glad you're doing well, as well as can be under the circumstances. I'm just about to have dinner with Arthur. Do you want to come eat with us?"

"No thanks," said Gwen. "I want to finish this proposal by tomorrow."

"Good for you," said Merlin. "We'll see you at bedtime."

"See you then."

.~.

Merlin headed off to Arthur's chambers where they shared a tasty meal, engaged in meaningful conversation about their days, and had a brief interlude before it was time for bed. Merlin was a little more 'enthusiastic' than usual but Arthur thought nothing of it. They both slept well that night.

.~.

_The next day, lunchtime, the throne room_

"Arthur, I need to ask you something in private," Merlin whispered in the king's ear.

"Very well, Merlin. Let's make this quick," said Arthur, a bit annoyed to be pulled away from his food.

Merlin led them back to their chambers, pulling Arthur with him at a brisk pace.

"What's so urgent that you couldn't wait… mmmph!" Arthur was silenced as Merlin pressed his lips against the king's.

"Merlin, what are you _doing_?" Arthur reluctantly pulled away. "We're in the middle of a meeting."

"We're taking a break for lunch. They can't resume the meeting unless you're there. Come on, you know you want to," Merlin goaded.

"I can't argue with that," said Arthur, who shrugged and allowed himself to be pulled down onto the bed. This sort of behavior was a little uncharacteristic for Merlin, who was usually a stickler for the rules. But who was he to complain?

.~.

To Arthur's surprise, this behavior continued for three days straight. Merlin would leave his school to come to Arthur during their lunch hour. They would head for Arthur's chambers, and the second the door was closed, Merlin was magicking Arthur's clothes off.

This day, he was even more forceful than usual. He tackled Arthur onto the bed and attached his mouth to the king's.

"Mmm," Arthur moaned as they shared sloppy kisses. "Merrrrrrlin."

"I'm so hot for you," Merlin growled, spiking Arthur's arousal as they writhed on the bed.

"Your clothes. Off," Arthur instructed.

In seconds Merlin's clothes were on the floor.

"It's so sexy when you use your magic," Arthur drawled. He loved to watch Merlin's eyes flash gold when he used his gift.. "You should do it mo-oh!"

Merlin had bit his neck and soothingly ran his tongue over the spot.

"Nnnngh," was Arthur's response.

Merlin continued kissing his neck, leaving Arthur in pure bliss. "Don't stop," he whined when Merlin eventually pulled away.

"Don't worry, Arthur. I'll make it good for you. I've been wanting to do this to you _all day_," Merlin said in a low voice as he wrapped his hands around Arthur's penis and gave a little tug. "You're all I think about."

"_Really_?" Arthur said, proud that he'd been that one who ensnared Merlin.

"Arthur, you don't know what you do to me," Merlin confessed. "Your scent… it drives me wild." He nuzzled Arthur's neck, inhaling Arthur's musky scent. His pupils were blown wide, his heart racing with anticipation.

"Merlin, please!' Arthur begged.

"Please what?" Merlin smirked, thrilled he could reduce the king of Camelot to this, begging for it.

"Fuck me," Arthur whispered.

"Of course, _my lord_." Merlin's predatory stare made Arthur's cock twitch. The warlock called their vial of oil to him and began to prepare Arthur's passage.

"Get on with it," Arthur insisted as Merlin covered their naked forms with the quilt.

But Merlin made sure that Arthur was ready for him before he lined them up and gently began to push inside Arthur. They both moaned quietly when Merlin was completely sheathed. Merlin looked upon the ecstasy that graced Arthur's beautiful face. _He_ was the cause of that. Merlin slowly pulled back out, teasing his king, making him wait.

Merlin reveled in being the dominant role. He couldn't believe Arthur had allowed it to continue as long as he had. Perhaps Arthur secretly liked Merlin on top? That thought only served to arouse Merlin even _more_. Then Merlin decided to take things further. He used his magic to hold Arthur down. Indignant at this treatment, the king couldn't hardly move his arms or legs, and as he tried to twist free Merlin wrapped his hands around Arthur's neck. Arthur could still breathe just fine, and this act had Arthur bucking his hips, trying to find some bit of friction for his aching cock. Arthur was a little surprised by this train of events, but he trusted Merlin completely. He knew that no harm would come to him, as Merlin loved him more than life itself.

"Is this okay?" Merlin whispered.

"Fuck, yes," Arthur ground out. Merlin stroked Arthur's cock a few times before entering him yet again. His magic took control, finding the pleasure centers in Arthur's brain and stimulating them to make the experience an unforgettable one. Merlin felt his magic encircling them, making them one. The window began to rattle with the force of the magic. All the candles in the room were set ablaze. If Arthur could see Merlin, he would see ripples of golden energy all around his face. However, Arthur had his eyes tightly shut and could only moan incoherently as Merlin thrust faster, deeper, harder. Magic was flowing freely through Merlin's hands and feet. Merlin began to shake uncontrollably as he reached the point of no return. He was _just_ about to push them over the edge when the door opened.

"Hello? I was just…" Gwen trailed off as she looked over at the bed, seeing Merlin entangled with Arthur. They were obviously in the middle of 'something'.

"Guinevere!" Arthur squeaked, embarrassed at being caught in flagrante with Merlin, even if it was by his wife and friend.

Merlin groaned in dismay, cheated out of what promised to be a spectacular orgasm. His magic abruptly ceased. He tried to slip out of Arthur but couldn't.

"Merlin, get_ out,_" Arthur commanded.

"I can't! I'm stuck!" Merlin informed him, wincing from the pain.

"Be quiet, both of you!" Gwen hissed. "Rowan's coming this way! I was going to show him how to clean the…" Gwen trailed off, still not averting her eyes. "The door was unlocked so…" She blushed. "I didn't know you two were in here! Hurry, Merlin. Use your magic make you and Arthur disappear!"

"I can't," Merlin admitted. "Between working with the students and making love to Arthur, I barely have any magic left."

"What?" Arthur growled. "You've left me _defenseless_ again?"

"I'm sorry, alright?" Merlin tried to come up with a good excuse but couldn't come up with one. But right now, they had bigger problems. Rowan was about to walk in on them, something Merlin would rather avoid.

"Why don't you just lock the door and pretend we're not here?" Arthur suggested.

"That's a good solution," said Gwen. "I should've thought of that sooner."

She went to lock the door and found that lock had been broken by magical means and in no way looked fixable. She wondered who was behind _that. _

"The lock is damaged!" Gwen exclaimed. "I think it was done with magic."

"I suppose you can't fix that _either_," said Arthur, indicating his lover. Merlin blushed and muttered something about how it was an accident and that it was Arthur's fault that his magic got out of control.

They heard Rowan's footsteps grow louder. They came to a halt in front of the door. Rowan politely knocked on the door.

Arthur, Merlin, and Gwen didn't say a word or move a muscle.

"I know you're in there, my queen," said Rowan. "I saw you walk in."

"Oh, no," the queen muttered under breath. "Now I have to take care of this."

"What are you going to do?" Merlin asked.

"Pull the covers over your heads," Gwen instructed. "Quick!"

Arthur and Merlin just stared at her blankly.

"What are you going to do?" Merlin repeated.

"Pull the covers up!" Gwen ordered, so they did. "I'll distract him. Trust me."

Gwen went to the door and slightly cracked it. "Rowan! You know, it's better for me if we went through the cleaning protocol another time," she pleaded.

"Oh, I don't mind doing it now," said Rowan.

"It's just that I'm feeling strange. I think it may have something to do with the baby," said Gwen. "Perhaps you could fetch for our physician."

"He won't be back until tomorrow," said Rowan. "He's helping the poor in one of the outlying villages." Rowan pushed the door back and took a step inside the room.

Reluctantly, Gwen left him in. "It's just that I've got this terrible _rash_!" Gwen scratched at her back. "I can't reach it. Can you unlace the top of my dress?"

"I don't know if I should," Rowan cautioned. "Shouldn't you have a maid to do that?"

"I haven't picked a maid yet," Gwen admitted.

"Alright. I can do it," said Rowan. He unlaced her until she could shrug her arms out of the dress. "But I don't see any rash."

"It's mostly on the front," said Gwen, turning around to face him. "That part's itchy too." That was when Guinevere took matters into her own hands and 'accidentally' loosened her grip on her dress. As it had slipped halfway down her, Rowan had a full view of her chests.

"Rowan!" Gwen yelled, sounding appalled, as she quickly covered herself. "You can't look at me half-naked! You should've averted your eyes."

Rowan blushed and gave an incoherent stammer.

"Leave me," Gwen commanded. "I'll overlook your indiscretion this time. Don't come looking for me until I've sent for you."

Rowan didn't need to be told twice. He quickly ran out of the room. And not a moment too soon!

Arthur and Merlin were laughing underneath the blanket. Thankfully, by now, they'd worked out their little problem. When they were sure Rowan was gone, they crawled out from beneath the covers, sitting up in bed.

"Guinevere, did you just flash our servant?" Arthur asked her, astonished by her courageous behavior. Gwen finished pulling her dress up and fixed the ties in the back.

"I was improvising! It was the only thing I could think of that would distract him from looking behind me." Gwen gave them a pointed look. "But I shouldn't have been put in that position in the first place! You left the door unlocked. Anyone would have walked in and seen you! You two have_ got _to be more careful."

"What's the big deal?" Arthur drawled. "Rowan's the only one who comes in here, other than us. He knows how things are between Merlin and I."

Gwen looked scandalized. "You think it's a good idea for him to catch you with Merlin on top?"

"Oh." said Arthur, coloring as he realized the implications of that. "No. I didn't think about how that might look."

"No, you didn't think," Gwen hissed. "You men, always thinking with your-"

"Guinevere!" Arthur interrupted her. "Look, I'm the king. I have a lot on my mind. I have _Merlin_ to think for me when it comes to details. We both agreed that he's always in charge of locking the door."

"And look how well that's working out!" Gwen exclaimed. "Merlin, what do you have to say for yourself?"

"Ummm, I forgot? I don't know why. I've been so scatterbrained lately - I can't help it!" Merlin protested. "Also, sometimes when we're together my magic takes control and I don't know what I'm even doing half the time, only that it feels…"

"Great," sighed Gwen. "Just don't let it happen again, alright? I may not always be around to help you. And by the way, I went above and beyond the call of duty. Showing a servant boy my breasts!" She shook her finger at them. "The things I do for you two."

"We love you, Gwen," Merlin and Arthur chorused.

"Save it," said the queen, but she was amused.

Merlin hated to ask, but he knew Gwen would understand. "Gwen, would you…?"

"I'm going." Gwen knew exactly what Merlin wanted. "Hurry up, you two. Lunch is almost over."

Locking the door behind her, Gwen left the room before she could hear their response. She chuckled to herself. At least her friends were getting some. She wasn't ready for that at all, as she was still grieving over Lancelot. But someday in the far future – perhaps she'd find love again. And then she and her husband might go at it as much as Arthur and Merlin seemed to be doing lately. The thought cheered her immensely.

.~.

_One week later_

Arthur had asked Gwen to stay in their chambers after Merlin left for the day. Gwen wondered what this was all about, and hoped it was nothing too serious. She'd had enough of bad news to last a lifetime.

"Arthur?" Gwen took his hand in his. The was something off about the king. He looked tired, and he was walking a little funny.

"Can we talk?" Arthur sounded miserable.

"You _are_ my husband. I suppose that can be arranged," said Gwen with a straight face.

"Thanks," Arthur said gratefully. "I really need someone to confide in."

"So, what's the matter? You know, we never really talk like this. Comforting me about Lance doesn't count."

"I know, and we should more often," said Arthur, pulling her hand up to his lips and kissing it.

"I feel honored that you'd come to me. Is this about Merlin?" Gwen said knowingly, touched by the sweet gesture.

"Yes." Arthur let out a long breath. "I don't know how to say this. It's rather embarrassing."

"Try me," said Gwen. "I promise I won't tell a soul. Not even Merlin, if that's what you want."

"Thanks. Well, Merlin's been really, er, overly passionate in the bedroom lately." Arthur's cheeks grew hot, but he didn't let that stop him.

"And?" Gwen prodded.

"I know, how is that a problem? Well, he's really wearing me out. Three times almost every day, even for me it's a bit much," Arthur admitted. "Is this too much information?"

"No. It's not any worse than what Merlin's already told me about you two," said Gwen with a mischievous smile.

Arthur looked appalled. "Merlin's talked to you about our _sex life_?"

"Of course. We're the best of friends," Gwen gave him a funny look. "Who else would he tell?"

"Never mind, that's not the issue," said Arthur, letting that slightly disturbing information go. "The issue is, I don't think I have the stamina to keep up with him these days. I don't know what's got him like this."

"Have you talked to him about it?" Gwen asked.

"Of course not!" Arthur exclaimed. "I'd never hear the end of it if I told him he was exhausting me. He'd never shut up about it."

"You need to tell him, Arthur," Gwen advised. "Perhaps he has no idea what you're feeling."

"I know," Arthur sighed. "I suppose I'll have to swallow my pride and just tell him."

"It would be for the best."

"Guinevere, don't you find it a little strange that Merlin is…" Arthur trailed off. "What I mean is that _I'm_ usually the one that initiates things between us."

"That piece of information doesn't surprise me," said Gwen, hiding a smile.

Arthur ignored her. "But lately, it's the other way around. Every time! I don't know what's made him act this way."

"Who knows? I doubt it will last," she predicted. "Enjoy it while you can," said Gwen with a laugh.

"Very funny," said Arthur, who then came to the conclusion that it was silly he was so worked up about this. "I guess I'll have to talk to him, tell him that he's wearing me out. Thanks for your help."

"You're welcome. We should do it again sometime," said Gwen with a smile.

"If I can't go to my wife to discuss my love life with my court sorcerer, who can I tell?" Arthur gave her a cheeky wink. "Seriously though, I do appreciate it."

"I'm happy to help." She gave Arthur a hug, and a kiss on the cheek, which the king returned before he left the room.

Gwen chuckled to herself, pleased that Arthur had come to her about Merlin. It was almost like being in a real marriage.

She had no way to know that Arthur and Merlin's problems were just beginning.

.~.

End Chapter 24

A/N: Tell me what you think!

Has anyone ever heard of 'hangry'? My friends and I use it all the time. I thought it would be funny to include it.


	26. Last Happy Memory

7

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. Sorry I took so long to post this, but getting the non-romancey parts to make sense was like pulling teeth. This chapter almost drove me up a wall. I'm just so thrilled it's finished!

Also, there is nothing more cliché than a double wedding, but I just couldn't resist. And no, it's not Arthur and Merlin's. I wish!

A/N 2: The poultices are a slow acting spell, which is why Merlin isn't affected by it right away, but it's going to happen very soon. It happens in stages over time.

Chapter 25: Last Happy Memory

.~.

That night after his talk with Gwen, Arthur told Merlin how he was feeling about their love life. Merlin had no idea Arthur was feeling that overwhelmed. They decided on no more midday trysts, so that Arthur could concentrate on his work. (It was also probably a good idea for Merlin not to take time away from his students.) They also came to a compromise about the way they spent their 'alone time'. Merlin admitted that he'd craved Arthur's touch but that it didn't have to always be in a sexual way. Merlin thought that Arthur would only make fun of him if he asked for 'cuddle time' so he just kept initializing sexual encounters, since he knew Arthur would respond favorably to that. Arthur was surprised by this, as he thought it was rather evident that he loved holding Merlin close. Merlin realized that he'd been thinking of the Arthur at the beginning of their relationship, who would've teased Merlin and called him a girl. Arthur understood that, but reminded Merlin that he'd changed so much since then, especially after he'd been crowned king. Both men were glad that they'd cleared up their misunderstanding.

Two weeks passed quickly.

During that time, Merlin had found himself getting mad about little things. Luckily, he'd been able to use either the calming spell or he'd excuse himself and harmlessly let out his frustrations on an inanimate object. Arthur was pleased at how well Merlin was dealing with his anger. He told Merlin how proud he was of his progress, which really warmed Merlin to the core. Merlin was _really_ trying hard to control his anger. It seemed like he was getting angry more than he used to, but Merlin didn't have any way to confirm this. He thought about keeping a tally of each day that he felt the intense anger, but decided it wasn't worth it. He was managing his anger just fine.

Since Merlin was putting forth so much effort into channeling his anger, Arthur decided he would put a bit more effort into maintaining their relationship. Sometimes he would leave a thoughtful note for his sorcerer on his bed stand, telling him how much he appreciated his love. He signed it 'Arthur' but didn't address it to Merlin. If anyone happened to come upon it, they would assume that Arthur meant it for Gwen. Merlin didn't hide the notes at the beginning, so Gwen would see them and tease Arthur about how much he'd advanced at expressing his feelings. Needless to say, as much as Merlin loved seeing Arthur blush at Gwen's comments, he took pity on his king and put the notes in a place only he knew about. Arthur was also taking more time out of his busy schedule to spend time with Merlin. Some days he would leave his training sessions early, delegating this responsibility for overseeing the training to whichever knight had proved himself to be extremely capable that day.

This particular day he had given that task to the level-headed Sir Elyan. Free of that obligation for the day, Arthur decided to prepare for a night for himself and Merlin. He had a servant send for his sorcerer at the school, where he knew Merlin and Morgana were pouring over the newly re-discovered books about magic. It was important work, but he knew that Merlin would be happy to have an excuse to take a break.

That morning, Arthur had ordered Merlin's favorite dinner from the kitchens. Their evening meals were delivered to him by Rowan, who for some reason, couldn't wait to run out of the room. The flowers that he'd ordered earlier had arrived during his training session. He'd managed to find forget-me-nots from a gardener in the lower town, which were Merlin's favorite flower. Arthur's final touch was to close the drapes and arrange extra candles so that they could eat by candlelight. He finished lighting the candles and stepped back to admire his work. Their dinners had grown cold but Merlin could easily warm them with his magic. Other than that, everything was perfect.

As he waited for Merlin to arrive, Arthur pulled out Ygraine's diary and turned to the next unread entry. He knew that Merlin loved to read the diary with him in bed, and they'd been so busy that they'd gotten out of the habit lately. Arthur thought that it might be a good activity for them to partake in, where he would have a good excuse to hold Merlin close.

It didn't take long before Merlin came home. The warlock was tired from a long day at the school. He entered the room, closing the door behind him but he hadn't noticed the setting yet. "I had an interesting day, Arthur. Morgana and I discovered a book that told all about the-" Merlin's voice trailed off as he realized what awaited him.

Arthur was awaiting him at the table, which was boasting his favorite meal of chicken dumplings and sautéed onions and leeks in wine sauce, as well as cherry pie for dessert. The smell assaulted Merlin's nostrils and his mouth began to water.

"You got my favorite food," Merlin whispered, touched by the gesture. He then noticed the atmosphere, how dark it was and the candles that illuminated the room.

"You did all this for me? What's the occasion?" Merlin wracked his brain but he couldn't come up with anything. He knew it wasn't Arthur's birthday. He hoped he hadn't forgotten some important date.

"Do I need an occasion to show you how I feel about you?" Arthur grinned at Merlin, who was uncharacteristically speechless. The king pulled out Merlin's chair, and the sorcerer eagerly took his seat at the table. He was about to take a huge bite of chicken when he saw the flowers.

"You got me forget-me-nots." Merlin felt a lump in his throat. "But they're not even in season!"

"I have many contacts and informants who can get me pretty much anything," was all that Arthur said.

"This is really nice, with the food and the flowers and the candles and everything. I love it." Merlin gave Arthur a true smile, and Arthur puffed out his chest with pride. He was glad that he'd decided to go to all the trouble, for a reaction like that.

"You're welcome," said Arthur. "You're worth it."

They had a nice dinner, chatting easily about the events of the day. Merlin spoke of his day at school and his experiences in teaching his students the calming spell. Several of them tried it and it had sent them straight to sleep. Merlin thought this was hilarious, although he didn't say so at the time. He advised his students not to try the spell unless they were feeling out of sorts, since if you were feeling normally, it could relax you so much that you fell asleep. He and Arthur had had a good laugh at that.

Arthur told Merlin about his training and how he liked giving extra responsibilities to Sir Elyan. With Lancelot gone, Arthur had been looking for someone who could be his right hand man, someone he could always count on to have his back. He believed he found what he was looking for in Elyan, who, as Gwen's brother, was incredibly grateful to him for everything that Arthur had done for her. They made a good team, guarding each other's backs as they practiced dispatching the rest of the knights one by one.

Merlin had a fleeting jealous thought, as he and _only_ he wanted to be the one to fight at Arthur's side. Then he realized that this wouldn't always be possible, and that he should be grateful to Elyan for looking after Arthur. The sorcerer tried to figure out why he'd felt this jealousy, as Elyan was no threat to their relationship. Elyan had no interest in men, so why had Merlin felt this way? But then Arthur changed the subject, and the thought was forgotten.

After they had finished their dinner, Arthur suggested that they move this to the bed so they could read his mother's diary. Merlin was agreeable, and they quickly settled in under the covers. Arthur began to read aloud and Merlin began to relax, happy to listen to his king's voice as he told the next part of Ygraine and Uther's romance.

_Entry Seven_

_I can't believe I haven't written before now! It's just been a whirlwind of events that I've been swept up in. After a month of courtship, Uther asked me to marry him. Of course, I said yes! My father sent a considerable dowry, but Uther didn't keep it, swearing to me that it didn't matter to him how much money he was given for me. He distributed it to those in the lower town who needed it most. After that gesture, I knew for certain that he was the man for me._

"That's a relief," said Merlin. "I'd thought about that, about the dowry and what Uther might do with it. I assumed he'd just add it to the royal treasury."

"Obviously my father knew how much that would bother Ygraine," said Arthur. "He knew that my mother didn't want to be bought, and he gave away the dowry to prove the point that he didn't agree with that custom."

"I'm lucky I didn't have to come up with a dowry for us to be together," said Merlin.

"There isn't a dowry large enough to cover the cost of putting up with you," said the king, but then he kissed Merlin's forehead and the sorcerer paid Arthur's words no mind. They read on.

_The best part about the upcoming wedding was that Ruadhán and Hannah had also just been betrothed. Uther suggested that we have a double wedding with them, and they agreed! I could not contain my joy that my handmaiden and best friend was going to share in the happiest day of my life. I knew that Uther was also thrilled that he'd get to share the day with his Court Sorcerer and good friend. Our wedding was going to be cause for even more celebration! _

"I didn't know my father had a double wedding," said Arthur. "I wonder why he never told me that?"

"Maybe he didn't think the detail was important?" Merlin suggested.

"Maybe. It's just that I've never heard anything about Hannah or Ruadhán. I think that's strange since they were both such close friends to my parents," said Arthur. "Don't you think that's strange?"

"It's a little weird," said Merlin, but he wasn't stuck on this particular detail. They continued reading.

_The wedding was held in the throne room. I wore a periwinkle dress, the color symbolizing purity. The neckline was a little bit lower than I would usually wear, but any discomfort on my part was worth it when I saw the awed look on Uther's face. My father walked me down the aisle and handed me over to Uther, symbolically passing the responsibility of caring for me from himself to my soon-to-be husband. Uther took my hands in his, and the ceremony was off and running._

_The ceremony was long and to be honest, a little bit boring. But it didn't matter. I just stared into Uther's eyes, getting lost in his gaze as the priest droned on and on. I remember we did receive a prayer to be blessed for children. Uther squeezed my hands then, as we both desperately wanted children – not just for the good of the kingdom but because we wanted to be parents and experience all that came with that._

"See, Arthur? They wanted _you_, and not just because they needed to have a child," said Merlin.

"Interesting," said the young king, sounding oddly detached. Arthur tried to play it off like nothing important had happened, but Merlin knew better. Arthur wasn't very good at hiding his insecurities around him. He'd often wondered if he'd been born just to fulfill the need to have an heir. His mother's words firmly put this myth to rest. "It's a relief to hear that," Arthur mumbled.

"I know," said Merlin, holding Arthur's hand in his as they returned to the story.

_When it was time for the vows, we repeated the standard promises, that we'd be there for each other in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, for rich or for poor. I almost laughed at that – as if we'd ever be poor. We exchanged rings, the priest pronounced us husband and wife, and we kissed in front of everyone. Just like that, we were married. We watched while Hannah and Ruadhán exchanged their vows and suddenly the wedding was over. Then it was on to the feast, which was the fun part. _

The feast is definitely the fun part," Arthur agreed. "I think it's bold of her to admit that."

"I think most people feel the same way," said Merlin. "They just don't ever say it."

"Then why all the formal wedding nonsense?" Arthur wondered.

"Because if you can sit through all that, you can make it as a married couple."

Arthur frowned at Merlin. "What?"

Merlin shook with laughter. "I'm just making things up. I have no idea why weddings have to be so boring until the very end when the interesting stuff happens." They quickly read through the last part.

_We left the throne room and took refuge in the gardens while the servants prepared the hall for the banquet. Hannah was pleased that she got to enjoy the feast, and not have to attend just as a servant. When it was time, we returned to the throne room and we were announced as husband and wife. I technically wasn't queen yet, as there was a whole separate ceremony for that, but Uther whispered into my ear that, in his eyes, I already was his queen. I blushed, but I was quite pleased by his remark. _

_That night there was food, wine, speeches, and dancing. Dancing with Uther was effortless, as we'd both grown up with the custom. We danced well together, while poor Ruadhán and Hannah had to struggle not to step on each other's toes. Still, I could tell that it didn't dampen their happiness. That was what I felt for Uther, that nothing could ever dampen my spirits. I knew we'd have difficult times ahead – all couples did. But at that moment, I felt like as long as we were together, we could conquer the world. _

"Aw, no mention of the wedding night," said Merlin, sighing with disappointment as they laid the diary aside.

"Thank goodness," said Arthur. "I wouldn't want to read about that. They're my _parents_! Gross."

He then initiated a tickle fight with Merlin, which led to a lot of wrestling and laughing. When they had finally calmed down, Arthur pulled Merlin close as they stretched out on the bed. They laid there for a while, just basking in each other's presence.

"What you did for me tonight meant so much." Merlin turned over to face his king. He took Arthur's face in his hands and gently caressed his cheeks. "I love you, Arthur."

"I love _you_," Arthur replied as he ran his fingers through Merlin's dark hair.

"I love you no matter what," Merlin whispered.

"You know I feel the same," said Arthur. "You're my everything."

They stayed that way, gently touching, until Gwen came to bed.

Arthur didn't know it, but this night was the last time the king would remember Merlin acting like himself.

.~.

As the days passed since the misunderstanding between Caelia, Bruin, and the knights Caradoc and Pelleas, relations between the knights and the magic users had been strained at best. In the outlying villages, there had been a few skirmishes between the magical population and the knights that were sworn to protect all the people. No one had been killed, but the magically inclined were dreading the day that a death would be reported.

Two days after Arthur and Merlin's candlelight dinner, disaster struck once again. Bruin, in a gesture of good faith, was having dinner with Sir Caradoc's son, Hadrian, and his wife. The couple had reached out to the magician, and invited him to their home. Hadrian wanted to get to know the man who had been involved in THE INCIDENT, as everyone in Camelot was calling it these days. Hadrian wanted to make peace between Bruin and his family, and Bruin was willing to accept that olive branch. Sir Caradoc had no idea that this dinner was taking place, but Hadrian was planning on informing him of it the next morning.

The night of their dinner, Bruin learned that Hadrian was currently in training to become a knight like his father. However, unlike his father, he had no prejudices against magic users, as he'd grown up with a friend who had the gift and had to keep it secret. His wife felt the same way, as she too had known magic users who only wanted to use their magic for good. Bruin looked forward to the future days when younger and wiser men were allowed to join the knights. When that happened, he hoped there would be fewer misunderstandings between the knights and the magic users.

When the three of them had finished their dinner and moved to the kitchen to clean up, Bruin knocked over a candle without realizing it. They eventually smelled something burning and rushed into the other room. The table was already ablaze, the flames licking their way across the floor over to the drapes by the window. Bruin looked around in vain for water, but there was none. Immediately, Hadrian sent his wife to the well to bring back water and gather others who would help her.

That was when Hadrian begged Bruin to use his magic to put out the fire. Bruin tried with all his might, but he couldn't produce water from thin air. He just wasn't that powerful – only someone with Merlin's level of magic could do such a thing. After saving a few prize possessions, Bruin and Hadrian admitted defeat and left the house. Then they went around to the surrounding homes to alert the other residents that a fire was coming, as the wind was helping the fire to spread to the other dwellings.

It wasn't long before Hadrian's wife returned with a full bucket of water and gotten other people to do the same. Unfortunately, the fire had continued to spread, and the bucketfuls of water barely made a dent in the flames. It seemed as though fate were conspiring against them.

Bruin then sent Hadrian to run to the castle and find Merlin, who was capable of extinguishing the fire. (Of the two men, Hadrian was the faster runner as he was in good shape thanks to all the training he was doing to become a knight.) After telling Bruin to look after his wife while he was gone, Hadrian departed to get help. Bruin watched with a heavy heart as the house that had recently played host to him burned brightly in the night. The fire had spread so fast that it was too late for them to use water to put it out; the fire would just have to run its course. Bruin knew Hadrian and his wife wouldn't blame him for what happened, as it had been an accident, but he still felt guilty. He knew that it was his fault for knocking over the candle, as he'd been the last one to leave the room.

A crowd soon gathered, made up of the people who lived nearby who saw the blaze. They asked what had happened and Bruin took full responsibility for causing the fire and not being able to stop it from getting out of control. Then they asked why he couldn't put out the fire using magic. Bruin tried to explain to them that he didn't have that kind of power, but most of the people didn't believe him.

Several of them blamed him for starting the fire on purpose so that he could have his revenge against Sir Caradoc's family. Bruin pleaded that this wasn't the case, but most of the people didn't want to hear it. Instead of listening to Bruin, many of them capitalized on this idea of him getting revenge with the knight who had almost inadvertently killed his fiancée. They began taunting Bruin about his lack of magical abilities, daring him to put out the fire, and accusing him of starting the fire on purpose. Bruin said nothing, as he couldn't prove his innocence. It wasn't long before things turned physical. His tormentors goaded Bruin to fight back, but he refused. Merlin had told his students that any action that one of them took would reflect negatively on the magical community, and Bruin wasn't willing to risk that.

Bruin steeled himself for the blows to come, and resolved not to struggle. Two men held him down, and one by one, members of the crowd took out their frustrations on the poor man. A few women slapped his face, and the men left it battered and bruised. Bruin spied two female magic users in the crowd coming to help him, but he caught their eye and shook his head. He didn't want any more of his kind getting involved, especially innocent women who were friends with his Caelia Bruin didn't know how long this treatment had gone on; surely he should've blacked out by now. Just when he thought he couldn't take the pain any longer, he heard a familiar voice cry out,

"What's going on here?!" This voice radiated with volume and power, so that all that heard it took notice.

"It's Lord Merlin! He's come to help us!" Cries of recognition spread through the crowd as Merlin headed toward Bruin. Hadrian stood beside the warlock, who had been summoned from the castle. He hoped that the Court Sorcerer would put a swift end to the fire, and the mistreatment of Bruin.

"Please, my lord, put out the fire before any more of our houses burn!" Asked one of the men who was holding down Bruin.

"Only after you release him." Merlin's tone was quite severe, and Bruin's captors dared not test it. They gently let him down, allowing him to stand on his own two feet.

"I'm alright, Merlin," Bruin quietly insisted, as the warlock had yet done nothing to quell the blaze.

Only after he saw that Bruin was out of danger did Merlin use his magic to produce enough water to douse the fire.

"Thank you, my lord!" Cried one of the men who'd been holding Bruin.

"We're saved!" Cries of appreciation rumbled throughout the crowd, who a few minutes ago, had been so intent on torturing Bruin. How fickle did their allegiances lie, as both Bruin and Merlin had magic. Only when Merlin used his gift to save their homes did they cheer.

"I want you to tell me exactly what happened here," Merlin said tightly, his hand pointing toward the peasants in question.

"We found ol' Bruin here," said the man. "He was just idly standing by, watching as Hadrian's house burned."

"He admitted it, didn't he?" Added the other man. "We heard it from his own mouth that he'd caused the fire."

"Accidentally caused," Bruin interjected. "I didn't mean for it to happen!"

"He wouldn't use his magic to stop the fire," the first man insisted.

"Bruin does not have the power to stop a large fire like that," said Merlin. "I'm sure of that. If he'd been able to stop it, he would have."

"I'm not so sure, since he was with Sir Caradoc's son," said the second man. "It's not hard to put two and two together."

Merlin's anger spiked when he heard the accusation, that Bruin had started the fire to get revenge on Sir Caradoc. He tried the calming spell, but it didn't help.

"Bruin would never want to harm Sir Caradoc's family!" The young warlock visibly shook with anger. He knew he needed to leave to deal with his anger in a safe way, but his feet wouldn't move. The magic had to escape him somehow. Merlin's magic took hold of him and all the warlock could think to do is to have the release of power avoid the people.

A few seconds later, a burning anvil unexplainably fell off the table in the nearby blacksmith's shop. The clank spooked several horses that had been loosely tied up. The frightened horses broke their ties and took off. They ran towards an unsuspecting mother holding her infant. Time slowed and Merlin saw the danger before it could happen. He magicked the woman and child out of the way just in time before they were trampled.

After the crowd saw how Merlin had saved the mother and baby, and sung his praises a second time, they quickly dispersed. The crying mother thanked Merlin for saving her, vowing that she was forever in his debt. Merlin was able to shake her off, telling her that he had one of his students to attend to.

Bruin looked a sight, with a black eye, a swollen lip, and countless bruises. Merlin, Hadrian, and his wife crowded around the battered man as they helped him to sit down on the cool cobblestones.

"Bruin what were you thinking!? Why did you let them go so far? Why didn't you defend yourself?" Merlin had to know.

Bruin was taken aback by Merlin's reaction. He thought that his teacher would've been proud of him for the way he acted. "Because you told us that any action we did would reflect on the entire magical community. I didn't want to jeopardize that."

Merlin looked pained. "I appreciate your efforts, but when I said that, I didn't mean for you to allow yourself to be beaten to a pulp!"

"I'm sorry if I've displeased you," Bruin murmured. "I was only doing what I thought was right."

"No, you haven't displeased me. In fact, just the opposite. I thought you were very brave," said Merlin as a lump began to form in his throat. He hated the sight of one of his favorite and most talented students in such pain. "It's just that this whole situation with the knights and the non-magical folk just seems to get worse and worse. Who knows what people will do tomorrow when they hear this news?" He didn't want to think about that, and how he'd almost added to the problem by allowing his anger to get the best of him. What would Arthur say?

"Shall I help you take him to the castle?" Hadrian asked, bringing Merlin out of his stupor.

"Yes, thank you," said Merlin.

"No, Merlin, thank _you_," said Bruin, as they began to slowly make their way to the castle. "I don't know what would've happened to me if you hadn't arrived when you did."

"I only wish I'd arrived sooner," Merlin confessed. "I'll do my best to heal you, but I'll send for a few healers as well. You've got a lot of nasty bruises and scrapes."

.~.

Merlin was true to his word – he healed most of the bruises, leaving the rest for the healers. When he was done with this whole mess, he headed straight for the king's chambers. Arthur was waiting for him and asked what had just occurred in the lower town. He gave a quick report on what had happened with Bruin, the fire, and the crowd. When he was finished, Arthur continued to stare at him. Merlin looked away, unnerved by Arthur's stare.

"There's something else, isn't there?" Arthur asked, narrowing his eyes at his sorcerer. "_Mer_lin. What aren't you telling me?"

"Why does there have to be anything else?" Inwardly, Merlin was panicking. How was he supposed to tell Arthur about his loss of control? What would the king do when he found out?

"Because you won't hold my gaze," Arthur said calmly. "It's how I know you're keeping something from me."

Merlin knew then that he had to tell Arthur the truth about that had happened, about how angry he'd become. So he did. He then explained that the anger had started when one of the men had accused Bruin of using the fire to get revenge on Sir Caradoc. His guilt was evident as he told Arthur about how he took out his frustrations on the nearby anvil, and the chain of events that followed.

"And that's what happened," Merlin concluded. "I'm sorry, Arthur. But, on the bright side, no one got hurt. Please, just can we move past it?"

"No, we bloody well can't just move past it!" Arthur gaped at him. "Merlin, this is serious. You can't just apologize for this and expect everything to be fine! A woman and child were almost killed thanks to your actions. I thought you had it under control," Arthur said quietly.

"So did I!" Merlin insisted, his voice rising with every word. "I can't explain what happened. It just did. Arthur, I SWEAR I DIDN'T MEAN TO!"

"Please, there's no need to raise your voice," Arthur soothed. "I forgive you." They had gotten into a petty squabble the day before and he didn't want to fight right now, or risk another magical outburst. He needed some time to digest what had happened, and what he should do about Merlin's behavior. "You're tired; we can table this discussion until tomorrow."

"Thank you," Merlin said gratefully. "I just want to get some sleep."

Arthur slowly nodded. He decided to keep things light. There was no need to provoke Merlin any further. "You made a mistake. You're right - it's a good thing that no one got hurt. But I want you to promise me that you're going to take steps to learn to manage your anger."

"I'll work on it more with Morgana. She's been really helpful," said Merlin. He sounded a bit vague for Arthur's tastes, but the king let that go for now.

"I'm glad." Arthur looked at Merlin with the utmost affection, although inwardly he was really worried about Merlin's recent behavior. "I know it must be difficult being the most powerful warlock in the land," Arthur mused. "If you're having troubles, there's no one more powerful than you that can help or give you advice."

"That's one downside," said Merlin. "But there's a lot of perks, too. Inspiring a generation of magic users. Becoming Court Sorcerer. Sharing my life with you."

"We'll get through this, Merlin," Arthur vowed, trying to sound positive for Merlin's sake as he took his sorcerer in his arms for what was meant to be a reassuring hug. "I'll bet we'll have you sorted after a few weeks."

Neither of them had no way of knowing just how off the mark Arthur's prediction would be.

.~.

End Chapter 25

A/N: Yay I got 100 reviews! I'm so excited I look forward to more to come, so let me know what you think of the chapter!


	27. The Threat

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. Sorry this is so short, but I wanted to give you guys something. I didn't realize it but this scene needed to be included before I could bring in dark!Merlin. Enjoy!

.~.

Chapter 26: The Threat

.~.

_The next morning_

Arthur and Gwen were rudely awakened by a loud rapping on the door.

"Your majesty! You must come quickly!" Arthur identified that the voice belonged to his personal guard.

"What's going on?" Arthur asked sleepily. He noted that the sun hadn't begun to stream in through his window. It was too early for this. "Come in." If the guard had awakened him for something trivial, he would place him in the stocks - all afternoon.

The guard did so, awkwardly standing in front of the bed.

Upon hearing the door opening, Gwen began to stir. She quickly sat up in bed and pulling the blankets up to cover her night clothes. "What's wrong, Arthur?"

"I dunno." He pointed at the guard and Gwen quieted. "Speak," Arthur ordered.

"I'm so sorry to disturb your majesties' sleep, but a few minutes ago, the night patrol found a body in the square – a man. There's a note attached to it. You need to see it. A threat has been issued to Camelot." The fear was evident on the guard's face.

Those words jolted Arthur into action. "I'll be right there," he promised, easily stepping into his 'King Arthur' persona. "Wait for me outside." The guard bowed, and left the room. "Gwen, get dressed." She did, not even bothering to go behind the screen.

"Merlin! Get out here at once!" Arthur hollered, his voice tinged with urgency as he pulled off his night clothes. Seconds later, Merlin appeared.

"What happened? Are you alright? Is the castle under attack?" Merlin was frantic, even though Arthur was standing right in front of him.

"I'm fine," Arthur reassured him. "It's nothing like that. Merlin, relax."

Merlin breathed a sigh of relief. "Then what is it?"

"Get dressed," Arthur ordered. "We're needed outside. There's been a death."

Merlin's eyes widened, and realizing the seriousness of the situation he returned to his room without a word.

Arthur ran to his dresser and pulled on the first shirt and trousers he could find.

"What, no crack about getting to see me naked?" Gwen asked as she pulled on her underclothes.

Arthur blinked, just now realizing that they were changing in front of each other for the first time. He hadn't even noticed.

"Arthur, it's going to be alright." Gwen grabbed his hand. "You don't have to do this alone." Arthur was about to say something comforting in return when Merlin burst into the room.

"Where's the dead person?" Merlin cried, his head caught in the collar of his sweater. He was waving his arms around, and Arthur couldn't help but chuckle.

"You idiot!" Arthur exclaimed. "You can't even dress yourself without help." He and Gwen helped Merlin pull his head through the neckline.

"Thanks," Merlin said gratefully. "That's loads better."

Arthur shook his head at Merlin's clumsiness, but the tense mood had been broken. Perhaps that had been Merlin's plan all along. He wouldn't put it past his wily sorcerer.

"Arthur, shouldn't you put on something warmer?" Merlin suggested. The king had only thrown on a thin brown shirt and trousers.

"I think I can dress myself. _Mer_lin." Arthur shot back.

"I don't know. I've had to dress you for years," Merlin said truthfully.

"Arthur! Merlin! Behave yourselves in front of the guards," Gwen hissed under her breath.

The king and his sorcerer looked properly chastised.

Once fully dressed, the trio followed the guard down the stairs and out into the square. Arthur shivered in the cold air and wished he'd listened to Merlin, who looked quite comfortable in his red and gold sweater. He was about to order Merlin to give him his sweater when he saw the body.

It was a grisly sight. Gwen covered her mouth in horror as she noticed that the man's heart had been ripped out of his chest. Blood was splattered all over his torso and had leaked out onto the cobblestones. The deceased's expression was one of absolute horror, almost as if he'd been frightened to death.

"How awful! Who could've done such a thing?" Gwen asked.

Merlin and Arthur shared a concerned glance before they returned their attention to the body. Arthur picked up the blood-soaked note laying on the dead man's chest, and read it aloud.

"_Death to all who oppose magic. Arthur Pendragon and the citizens of Camelot are next." _

The words sounded ominous, as if they carried more gravitas when read aloud. "Merlin, we've seen this man before," said Arthur, passing the note to Merlin, who reached for it. "I can't quite place him."

"I can. It's the Witchfinder. He worked for your father, capturing magic users and selling them to the highest bidder," said Merlin. He was filled with a stab of fear. "We thought he might be the man that sent that sorcerer to kill you. Remember how the sorcerer threatened you right before you executed him?"

"Yes, I remember," Arthur said heavily. "He said he was but the first of those with magical means to try and kill me. I didn't pay the threat any mind, but you did."

"Now we have no idea who was behind it. ARRRRRRRRRGH!" Merlin yelled and took his frustrations out on the offending piece of paper, crushing it in his hand, setting it on fire, and letting it burn into little crisps. They harmlessly rained down on them.

Arthur opened his mouth to say something, but decided that Merlin's anger issues weren't the main issue. The body and the threat were.

"What are these red markings on his neck?" Gwen asked, bringing their attention back to the corpse.

"They were made by the killer. This man was strangled to death," Merlin said grimly.

"Strangled? What about the fact that his heart was cut out?" Arthur gave Merlin his patented 'you're an idiot' stare. Are you sure _that_ wasn't the cause?"

Merlin didn't appreciate Arthur's sarcasm. "I'm sure. He wasn't killed by ordinary means. It was magic."

"How can you tell?" Arthur wondered.

"I can feel the imprint of the dark magic around his neck. It leaves a bit of residue, for those who know how to sense it."

"But if he was strangled, why bother with the heart?" Arthur asked.

"Probably because they needed it for a sacrificial ritual," said Merlin, shivering with trepidation. "Certain types of dark magical spells require the body part of a dead person. The loss of life itself is what makes the spell so powerful. Whoever killed this man had a truly twisted soul."

"Great," said Arthur, throwing up his hands. "So now we have a murderer on the loose, he wants to kill me and every non-magical citizen on Camelot and we have _no idea_ who this person is."

"That's about the gist of it," said Merlin.

"Wonderful," muttered Arthur. This was just what he needed. As if the stress of running the kingdom wasn't enough, he now had a very real threat to worry about. What had he done to deserve this? Why did he have to continually pay for his father's mistakes? As if he didn't have enough on his mind already with the whole Bruin and the fire incident.

"To be clear, it's likely that it's more than one person behind it all," said Merlin. "Also, we have no leads as to who these people might be."

"Merlin?" Arthur glared at his sorcerer.

Merlin slightly winced. "Shutting up."

"Thank you," said Arthur, rubbing his forehead. He felt a slight headache brewing, which was only exacerbated by Merlin's annoyingly obvious insights. He then turned to the guards. "Bring the body inside and for now, lock it in the dungeons. Don't tell anyone what you saw. We want to avoid starting a panic."

The guards nodded, and obeyed their king. Arthur watched as they carried it into the castle, rooted to the spot as he tried to understand what had just happened. How was he supposed to protect Camelot from this danger? He didn't know how to combat dark magic! His sword would be useless in a magical fight. Even Merlin wasn't sure if he was a match for a dark mage. What if something happened to Merlin if these dark magicians showed up? He'd never forgive himself.

"Arthur?" Gwen's voice broke through his heavy thoughts. His queen held out her hand to him, and he clasped it.

"Guinevere." He nodded at her and let her pull him in the direction of the castle.

They walked back into the warm of the castle, with Merlin trailing behind them.

.~.

Merlin, Arthur, and Gwen returned to their chambers. It was almost time for Rowan to bring them breakfast, so they didn't bother going back to bed.

Merlin sat back against the headboard in Arthur's bed and held out his arms to the king. Gratefully, Arthur crawled into them, settling in against his sorcerer, who protectively placed his arms around his love. That was when Arthur remembered that they weren't alone. Guinevere was still present.

Arthur glared at Gwen, who was watching them with her mouth open. "Don't say one word," the king warned, mortified that Gwen had caught him in such an 'un-kingly' position.

"I wasn't going to," said Gwen, hiding a smile because Merlin holding Arthur was one of the most adorable sights she'd ever seen. "In fact, I think I'm going to bring Morgana up to speed."

Gwen left Arthur and Merlin to their own devices. They stayed like that, Merlin holding Arthur, until Rowan knocked at the door. They quickly moved apart before their servant came in.

"Anything the matter, your majesty?" Rowan asked, as he placed their breakfast on the table. "You look a little worried."

"Nothing's the matter," Arthur said tersely. "Please take the queen's breakfast to Morgana's chambers. That will be all."

"I'll see you at school, Rowan," said Merlin, trying to soften Arthur's command.

Rowan nodded, and left with Gwen's breakfast. As he headed down the hall, he couldn't contain a smirk. He was pleased to see Arthur looking so rattled by the threat against his people. It seemed that his uncle's plan was working.

.~.

End Chapter 26

A/N: So I'm hard at work on the next chapter. It's been really difficult trying to write dark!Merlin but I'm going to try the best I can. I usually post much longer chapters, but this scene was really important to show before Merlin has to confront his inner demons. There will be a time jump as Merlin slowly gets worse. I really appreciate any feedback you guys can give me, especially for the next chapter. Thanks! I'm a little nervous about posting because I usually stick to lighthearted fare but I'm going a little deeper for the next few chapters.


	28. Separation

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to post. I broke my laptop the other day and I lost all of my Merlin files of scenes that I'd written for the end of the fic. Like an idiot, I didn't back anything up. Learn from me and please back your docs up on a drive or on google docs, which I just learned about. It really is difficult to have scenes that you worked so hard on just GONE. I'm going to do the best I can to recreate them. Thanks for your patience.

Also, I'm not sure if Merlin could control the weather on the show. I remember him summoning a bunch of lightning, but I really don't want him that powerful in this story. So he doesn't have the power to changer the weather in this fic. Just FYi. Enjoy the next chapter!

Chapter 27: Separation

.~.

_The same day_

Merlin left for his school around the usual time. He reached the edge of the school grounds to find an angry crowd gathering in front. He decided to avoid them and check on his students first before dealing with the crowd, so he slipped in the back entrance. Once inside, he counted about twenty of his students. They looked somewhat relieved to see that their teacher had arrived.

"Merlin, they're throwing stones at us!" Rowan exclaimed. He exchanged frightened looks with the other students. "Several of them have broken the windows."

"I think it's about me," Bruin said quietly. "After what I did yesterday."

"I'll go find out," Merlin vowed. "All of you, bar the door and stay inside. I promise, you'll be safe inside."

"But we can help you!" Rowan suggested.

"No. I won't risk any of you getting hurt. Now, stay inside." Merlin's tone didn't leave any room for argument. After his students promised to stay in the school, Merlin went to deal with the crowd.

The sorcerer stepped outside, to be met with the roar of the crowd. People were throwing stones and rotten fruit at the school. Merlin easily called up an invisible shield that protected the building. Any objects that were thrown at the shield were harmlessly changed into dust. This display of magic quieted the crowd to a low murmur and they stopped throwing things. The people turned their attention to Merlin.

"What's this about?" Merlin asked. Either news of the body and threat of the dark sorcerer had surfaced or this was about the Bruin incident that had happened the night before. Neither option sounded great.

"We want Bruin!" The crowd chanted. "We want Bruin!"

Not about the dark sorcerer, Merlin realized. He supposed he was thankful for that. The crowd would more than likely be more incensed if they'd seen the body of the Witchfinder with his heart ripped out.

On the other hand, this crowd was incensed over what they perceived to be a betrayal by Bruin, a magic user. Merlin just wished that the citizens of Camelot who didn't have magic weren't so prejudiced against those who did. He knew that he wouldn't be able to overturn Uther's twenty year rein of fear, but he thought that the people would be more accepting of the magic users once they saw how useful their magic could be.

"Why do you want Bruin?" Merlin asked, although he already knew the answer.

"He deserves to pay for what he did to Sir Caradoc's son and his wife. He set their house on fire on purpose!" One man shouted.

"He posed as their dinner guest, pretending to make peace with the family. That was when he had his revenge," another man added. "Then once the fire started, he refused to put it out."

"Bruin doesn't have that kind of power," Merlin insisted. "That was why I was called to come and douse the fire. He wasn't participating in any kind of revenge. Now, I must ask all of you to leave the school grounds. If you still wish to protest, you may do so legally in the village square."

"You have no official jurisdiction over us, Court Sorcerer," sneered one of the women.

"Yes, you're not the king. We don't recognize your authority," another woman insisted.

"I am the head of this school, which gives me authority over everyone on school grounds," Merlin said truthfully. "I'm asking you to disperse. I've heard your grievance and I will discuss it with the king."

"We're not going anywhere," a person in the crowd jeered. "Not until you give us Bruin!"

The crowed cheered in favor of that statement. Merlin didn't know what to do. Morgana, who was never late, hadn't yet arrived. Perhaps the crowd would've listened to her, as she had been in a respected position in the court for years. But, alas, she wasn't present. He was on his own.

Merlin didn't want to use his magic on the crowd and give them more of a reason to hate magic users. He certainly wasn't about to give in to their demands. His anger slowly began to rise, as his frustrations against the mob started to build. He was so tired of dealing with people who had misplaced prejudices. If only they could understand what it was like living with magic your whole life and having to hide it, knowing that it could be used to do so much good. Merlin thought that things would be better for people like him now that the law against magic had been repealed. But the people's fear and distrust of people with magic persisted.

Merlin watched as the crowd began to move closer to him and the school's entrance. The court sorcerer knew he'd have to use his magic to repel them if they tried to breech the entrance. He couldn't let them get to his students – he had to protect them at all costs.

"I don't want to use my magic against anyone," Merlin cautioned. "But I will not let you harm my students."

"You can't stop all of us!" Someone cried.

At that, the crowd surged forward, and Merlin's eyes dangerously flashed gold. His body began to tremble unnaturally as dark magic began to flow. He raised his hand and aimed it at the crowd.

Just at the last moment, a familiar voice halted Merlin's actions.

"Stop!"

Everyone, including Merlin, turned towards Arthur, who was escorted by thirty of his best knights. The king's force was a formidable one to behold. Merlin felt the anger dissipate at the sight of his lover. His eyes returned to their natural blue and he stopped shaking.

"You have given me no choice but to demand that you disperse," said Arthur. "Your claim against Bruin has been noted and will be reviewed by my council. Until then, you shall go about your usual business and vacate the magical school grounds."

Nobody moved.

"_Now_," Arthur commanded as the knights headed towards the crowd.

A low grumbling sounded through the crowd, but they slowly began to move away from the school grounds. The knights didn't even have to unsheathe their swords - Arthur's words had calmed the mob for the moment.

Merlin felt his anger return, although not quite as strongly when he realized that the crowd had listened to Arthur and not to him. He knew he should be grateful that Arthur had shown up to help him, but all he could think about was how Arthur's sudden appearance made him look weak.

The king quickly made his way through the disappearing crowd to Merlin. "All right?"

"Fine," Merlin said stiffly.

"What's wrong?" Arthur asked.

"Nothing. I had it under control."

Arthur gave Merlin a stern, knowing look. "_Riiiight_. You looked like you were about to lose it."

"I wouldn't have done anything to harm anyone," Merlin insisted.

"Really? Exactly what were you going to do?" Arthur prodded.

Merlin crossed his arms. "Arthur, I don't want to talk about this now. I need to be with my students, and reassure them that the crowd is gone."

"We'll talk about it tonight then," said Arthur. "That's an order, Merlin."

Merlin glared at him, and then quickly disappeared inside his school. Arthur watched him go, worry etched on his sculpted face. The king was about to head back to the castle when someone tapped him on the shoulder.

"Morgana!" He jumped. "You startled me."

"Sorry. What are you doing here? I got caught up talking with Gwen and lost track of time. Did I miss something important?" Morgana asked.

"Ask Merlin," Arthur said darkly.

Morgana swallowed. "What did he do?"

"It's more of a what did he_ almost_ do," said Arthur.

"I'll talk to him," Morgana promised, understanding exactly what Arthur meant by that, in regards to Merlin's anger issues. Then she dashed up the steps to the school, steeling herself for what she might find inside.

Arthur returned to the castle, finally realizing that whatever was going on with Merlin was more than likely not going to have an easy fix.

.~.

Later that night, Merlin returned to the king's chambers. Arthur, of course, was waiting for him.

"Hello, Merlin," Arthur said, sounding a bit tentative. "How was your day?"

Merlin shot him a death glare, and didn't say a word.

"You're still mad at me," Arthur correctly deduced as his warlock came to a stop a few paces away from him. "That's unfortunate. I had hoped you would've cooled off by now."

This comment only incensed Merlin more. "I'm not just mad, Arthur. I'm f_urious_ at you for what you did today!" Merlin exclaimed.

"Why? You obviously needed me there."

Merlin scoffed at the king. "You just couldn't stay away. King Arthur _had _to rush in and save the day and get all the credit, as usual."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Arthur put his hands on his hips.

"Don't you get it?" Merlin began to raise his voice. "I wanted to take care of the crowd myself. Instead, you rescued me. Now, in the future, the people won't listen to me - they'll only listen to you. I thought as Court Sorcerer, I had the power over anyone who is on the school grounds."

"You do," Arthur assured him.

"Then why won't they listen to me?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe they're not used to obeying someone with magic."

"Maybe I need to_ show_ them what happens when they don't obey a sorcerer," Merlin snapped.

"And now we come to the very issue I wanted to talk about with you. Why don't you tell me about how you almost used dark magic on the crowd." Arthur gave him a knowing look that Merlin absolutely loathed. Recently the king had been giving Merlin a disapproving look whenever he caught him in a lie, or caught him behaving inappropriately. Like today, in a situation when he was about to use dark magic but held himself back at the last possible second. Arthur wasn't afraid to call Merlin out. Someone had to, before his questionable behavior got any worse.

"I did no such thing! Nothing happened," said Merlin.

Arthur held Merlin's gaze. "From my vantage point, it looked like you were about to unleash your anger upon all that dared oppose you."

"You're mistaken."

"_Mer_lin. Don't lie to me!" Arthur thundered. Then he forced himself to calm down and lower his voice. It wouldn't do them any good if he got angry. One of them needed to keep their heads, and since Merlin couldn't right now, it would have to be Arthur.

"I'm sorry for yelling," said Arthur. "It was uncalled for. But Merlin, there's no shame in admitting what happened. All I want is to help you in whatever way I can."

"I don't need your help!" Merlin cried. "There's nothing wrong with me."

"I never said there was." Arthur really was out of his element. It seemed like every thing he said just angered Merlin further. "I just know that you aren't acting like yourself."

"Look, I'm just stressed about the threat of the dark sorcerer," Merlin insisted. "That's all."

"Fine!" Arthur threw up his hands in frustration. "If that's how you want to be. I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped."

"Well good, because I don't need anything from you." Merlin brushed past Arthur and headed towards his bedroom. "Don't bother saying goodnight."

That was the first time since they'd admitted their feelings that Arthur and Merlin didn't kiss each other goodnight.

.~.

Merlin was able to avoid Arthur easily enough the following day. He arrived at the school early and stayed late. As a whole, the day hadn't gone well. His students had been failing miserably when asked to master several new spells. One girl even cried when she couldn't produce the results that Merlin wanted. He had clearly been too soft with them, and needed to change the way that he taught so the students would respect his authority as Court Sorcerer and head of the school.

He was about to leave the school when he was cornered by Morgana.

"Merlin, wait!" She grabbed his arm, preventing him from slipping away. "I found something that I think might really help you."

"Not now, Morgana." Merlin shrugged her off. "I'm busy."

"Merlin Emrys, you will listen to me!" She cried, her tone of voice stopping the young warlock in his tracks. "You have been tormenting the students all day and I wish you'd stop. It's not like you."

"What are you talking about?" Merlin asked, annoyed. "They just aren't living up to their potential. If I don't tell them to work harder, they'll just continue to not take their studies seriously."

"Merlin, if you continue this kind of behavior, the students are going to be afraid of you," Morgana pointed out.

"Perhaps they should be," were Merlin's ominous words. "Was that all you wanted to tell me?"

"No," she said coolly. "I promised Arthur that I'd speak to you about your anger issues."

Merlin scoffed at her. "I don't want anything to do with Arthur."

"Merlin!" Morgana looked aghast. "Arthur _loves_ you. He's asked me to speak to you. Will you just listen?"

"I'm sorry." Merlin shook his head as if to clear it. "I didn't mean that about Arthur. I'm not sure why I said that. We're sort of in the middle of a fight right now."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Morgana, who knew all about it from Gwen.

Merlin shrugged. "It happens when you're in a relationship. He'll come around eventually. What did you want to tell me?"

"Have you ever heard of meditation?" She asked. "I found several mentions of it in the books on magic."

Merlin groaned. "I don't have time to be sitting around trying to clear my mind of all thought. I need to be researching new spells and practicing my defensive powers so that I can instruct the students on how to fight so we're ready for this dark sorcerer and all he might bring."

"But the long term benefits from meditation are supposed to be substantial!" Morgana continued. "The books say that it can have a calming effect on the person, that it decreases their irritability. Merlin, you could at least take the time to try it."

From the furious look on Merlin's face, Morgana knew that it had been the wrong thing to say.

"Dammit, Morgana, I'm so tired of people trying to tell me what to do," Merlin hissed. "I'm the most powerful warlock in all the land. I can take care of myself!" He marched away, muttering under his breath about meddling women.

"Not right now you can't. That's the problem," Morgana whispered sadly to herself, watching as Merlin ran away from her and everything else that he was battling. She didn't know how to tell Arthur that she'd failed to reach the man that he loved. So she didn't.

.~.

Everyone in the castle knew that Merlin and Arthur were fighting. It was quite obvious that the king and his court sorcerer weren't speaking. Their quarrel had dragged on for two weeks, and neither of them would admit that they were in the wrong. The servants were getting tired of side-stepping Merlin as he stormed down the hall. It was also hell on Gwen, who didn't want to pick sides. But since she was the queen, she automatically had to be on Arthur's side. Merlin decided that he'd avoid her too. He only went to the king's chambers to sleep, and if either Arthur or Gwen tried to talk to him in the morning, he'd just glare at them and mumble an excuse to leave.

As if the kingdom didn't already have enough troubles, their crops were suffering due to an extended drought. The farmers estimated that only about one fourth of their crops would be fit for eating, if that much. Of course, some of the people automatically thought that the magic users would be able to save their crops by making it rain. Merlin explained to them that none of the magic users were that powerful, not even him. Then someone cited the incident when he put out a house fire. Merlin told them that conjuring water from nothing was an extremely taxing spell, and that he was only able to do it for less than a minute over a small area. He made sure the people knew that it would be impossible for him to water the crops. Although Merlin was telling the truth, this only served to convince the general population that the magic users couldn't be relied upon when they needed them.

Arthur spent long hours in council meetings, trying to get a law passed to lower the taxes and finding means of distributing provisions to his subjects that made their living as subsistence farmers. He was opposed by almost every single noble. These men wanted to use the drought as an excuse to have the peasants borrow money from them and charge them interest. Arthur had heard of this practice before when his father had become king, and had always thought it was rather harsh. Now, as the reigning monarch, he thought the practice was despicable.

The king couldn't understand how anyone could find pleasure in taking advantage of people in need. He mentioned that during one of the meetings, but it didn't change any of the men's minds, as charging peasants interest was an acceptable notion that had always occurred in the past. Arthur's proposition was repeatedly denied, so each time he resubmitted it, he had to decrease the amount of the tax cut. Then the council got the bright idea to filibuster, which was still a legal practice, one that Arthur had overlooked when changing the laws at the beginning of his reign. Now he had to spend the council meetings listening to the noblemen argue amongst themselves as they stalled Arthur's proposition from passing. Arthur really missed Merlin during these times. Gwen was there to lift his spirits, but it just wasn't the same as having Merlin tell him a really corny joke or do a magic trick.

Merlin was spending almost every waking hour at the school, either working with his students or reading the books on magic that had been seized during the purge. He'd had some small success, finding some more defensive spells that could be used against an enemy. A few of the books he'd come across contained spells laced with dark magic. Merlin had quickly thrown them aside, but every once in awhile his eyes would flick over to where these books lay in the back of the school room. The temptation was there, but he never touched any of the books.

Morgana had become an advocate for the magical students. Every time that Merlin tried to embarrass one of them for making a mistake, she was there to tell them that it was all right, that they would get it next time. Merlin didn't appreciate Morgana's meddling, but he never confronted her about it. Merlin was making the students' lives a living hell and it had to stop. Morgana was certain that he'd make up with Arthur the next day, but that never happened. After thirteen days of misery, Morgana decided to put things right.

That night, Morgana met Arthur for dinner in the throne room. The king was pouring over the latest draft of his proposal to lower the taxes, and barely looked up when his half-sister joined him at the table.

"Arthur?"

"Huh?" The king looked up, his thoughts still with his law.

"Arthur, you need to reconcile with Merlin. Tonight." Morgana's words sounded suspiciously like an order.

"_That's_ what you came here to tell me?" Arthur glowered at her. "Don't you think I would've already done that if I could've managed it? He. Doesn't. Want. My. Help. He doesn't want _anyone's _help. He's just fine on his own." Arthur's voice was heavy on sarcasm.

"That's not true! He's not fine. He's clearly been affected by your fight. He's lost a lot of weight," she informed him. "Haven't you noticed that his clothes are hanging off of him?

"No, I haven't noticed," Arthur said, sounding guilty. "He's been avoiding me, so I've been returning the favor. Now that you mention it, I can't remember the last time I saw him eat. Why didn't you come to me sooner?"

"I thought you knew!"

Arthur shook his head. "I've been so consumed by getting this law passed, I've barely spent time with anyone other than Gwen. I don't see you doing any better. Did you ever get him to try that meditation technique to help with his temper?"

"No," said Morgana. It was her turn to sound guilty. "I know I was supposed to tell you how that went, but I didn't want to tell you that I failed. I think we both really messed up."

"And Merlin's the one who has paid the price. I have to make it up to him! I should be the one to be looking after him. " Arthur's face looked so pained, Morgana tried to lighten the mood.

"Arthur?"

"I promise, Morgana, I'm going to make things right between us," the king vowed. "And I'll do it tonight."

"I believe you. I just wanted to point out that you and Merlin are both insufferable when you aren't getting any. I hope you can remedy that." Morgana gave him a saucy wink, which caused Arthur to color just a tad. "Go get him," she encouraged, and then left Arthur to ruminate on just how he was going to make up with Merlin.

.~.

When Merlin returned to the king's chambers around bedtime, Arthur was waiting for him.

"Merlin," Arthur nodded in greeting. Merlin didn't acknowledge him at all.

"I need to speak with you," Arthur insisted. "Don't make me make it an order."

"That's not happening," said Merlin, moving toward his bedroom.

"Merlin, please! We've let this go on long enough. I've missed you," Arthur admitted. "Haven't you missed me?"

"Not really," Merlin lied, trying to get Arthur to leave him alone. He was just so tired. If he could just get to his bed, he would be home free.

"When was the last time you ate anything?" Arthur asked.

"I don't know. I'm not very hungry these days," said Merlin.

"You look like you're skin and bones."

"Thanks a lot." Merlin supposed Arthur was right. He hadn't been eating. Huh. He hadn't noticed.

"I'm serious, Merlin." Arthur couldn't keep the concern out of his voice as he reminded himself what Merlin had looked like two weeks ago compared to now. The difference was staggering. "You need to eat. Here, I have some left over dinner. You can have that."

Merlin shook his head. "Maybe later."

"This is my fault - I've been neglecting you. I got caught up in our stupid fight, and now you've paid the price." Arthur swallowed hard. He moved towards Merlin and tried to give him a hug, but Merlin flinched and moved away.

"No, Arthur. I know you still think there's something wrong with me," said Merlin. "That's just not true."

"I just want you back," Arthur said quietly. "I want to see you smile again. I want to hold you in my arms and make love to you. Other kings may have replaced their lover by now, but I haven't done that."

"You thought about replacing me?" Merlin looked shocked.

Arthur grinned with satisfaction, proud of himself. _Now_ he had Merlin's full attention. "If you weren't enough for me, I could easily find someone else who would be willing to service the king."

"So you think I'm not enough for you," Merlin said quietly. It was the calm before the storm, and Arthur didn't yet know that he was caught in the current.

"No. I didn't say that. I said that _if _you weren't enough, I could find someone new without having to lift a finger." Arthur shrugged. "It's a fact, Merlin. King's privilege."

"So you think all I do is _service_ you?" Merlin yelled.

"You certainly haven't been for the past few weeks." Arthur knew that he shouldn't have said it the moment it left his mouth, but it was too late now to take it back.

"Is that all you think of me?" Merlin said quietly. "That the only thing I'm good for is satisfying your sexual needs?"

"No, of course not!" Arthur exclaimed. "Remember, I said that I missed you, Merlin. I just want things to go back to the way that they were."

"Why bother?" Merlin glared at him. "It would be so much easier for you to find someone new."

"I don't want someone new. I want you, Merlin," Arthur cried. "No one else."

"Anyone else that you would find would only be with you because you are the king, because they could use you to get money or power or whatever they wanted," said Merlin.

"Why would you say that?" Arthur's stomach was filled with dread. Was that what Merlin really thought of him?

"It's a fact. They wouldn't want just Arthur. That wouldn't be enough."

"So now you're saying that_ I'm _not enough?" Arthur accused. He knew he was getting sucked into the fight, but at this point he didn't want to pull back. The last two weeks had been slowly building to this point between them. He might as well let it all play out. "What the hell, Merlin? I've been the perfect lover to you! I'm faithful, I open up to you – which is not easy by the way - I defend your honor, I picked you even though I'm bloody well supposed to faithful to the woman who is bearing my heir!"

"You, perfect?" Merlin scoffed. "Ha. You probably think you're bloody fantastic in bed too."

Arthur put his hands on his hips. "Are you saying I'm_ not_?"

"There's always room for improvement," was Merlin's scathing remark. He knew it was a low blow – Arthur really prided himself on how well he performed in the bedroom. And it also wasn't very true. He just wanted to hurt Arthur, the way Arthur had hurt him with the comment about being so easily replaced.

"What's that supposed to mean? _Mer_lin! MERLIN! Don't you walk away from me!" Arthur thundered as Merlin took a few steps away from him. He was using his 'King Arthur' voice, something that Merlin absolutely hated when it was used on him.

"Don't you tell me what to do!" Merlin shouted. "I'm not your servant anymore!"

"I'm the king! My word is law," Arthur said haughtily. "If I give you an order, you have to obey it."

"I wouldn't try it if I were you," Merlin warned. His magic quickly flared to life. If he didn't get himself under control, he was going to do something rash. But right now, he didn't care.

"Don't fight me, Merlin. You can't win," Arthur goaded, getting right in Merlin's face as he reached for his sword. "Remember our last fight, the day we met? I defeated you fairly easily."

"You forget. Last time you fought me I couldn't use my full scope of magic." Merlin smirked at Arthur, who began to feel just a tiny bit afraid. The look was rather unnatural on Merlin, who was usually so mild mannered. "This time you'll LOSE!"

The ground trembled around them and the light in Merlin's eyes flashed gold. The chair next to Arthur was flung against the wall and crumbled to bits.

Arthur's blue eyes widened in horror as he realized just what Merlin was capable of. He dropped his sword – it would be useless in a magical fight. If his sorcerer turned that power on him, Arthur could very easily be killed. The king had never truly realized just how powerful Merlin was until now. Arthur was afraid that, now that he'd seen this, he'd never be able to look at Merlin in the same way again. If he survived the encounter.

With a flick of his hand, Merlin magically lifted Arthur and held him up against the wall. Arthur began to struggle, trying to break the invisible hold but it was useless. If Merlin wanted to kill him, Arthur had no way of defending himself.

"Merlin, stop!" Arthur cried, hoping that his voice might be enough to break the hold that the dark magic had on his Merlin. "Let me go!"

The dark magic slowly left Merlin as he took his king's pleas to heart. As soon as it had sunk in what he'd just done, the sorcerer quickly relinquished his hold on the king and Arthur tumbled to the ground, shaken.

Merlin took a few hesitant steps toward Arthur, who looked up at him but didn't move. Arthur was rooted to the spot, frightened by what he'd seen Merlin just do. Arthur never thought that he'd be on the receiving end of Merlin's wrath. He supposed he somewhat deserved it, for provoking Merlin.

"Arthur, I'm so sorry!" Merlin cried, overcome with remorse. "I was just so angry and…"

The fear left the young king the second Merlin began to apologize. The fact remained that Merlin had stopped himself in time before he did any real damage. Now that the dark magic had released it's hold on him, Arthur had his Merlin back.

"It's alright," said Arthur, pulling the shaking Merlin into his arms. "There's no harm done. You realized what you were doing and you let me go. I'm fine."

"Yes, but I destroyed that chair!" Merlin sniffed, and a few tears leaked out. "It could've been you, I could've killed you."

"But you didn't," Arthur pointed out.

Merlin pulled away from Arthur's embrace, still shaking. "All this time I was trying to protect you from outside enemies, and I should've been learning how to protect yourself from me."

"_Mer_lin." Arthur said sternly. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not. I'm serious!" Merlin cried.

"I've lost my temper with you hundreds of times," Arthur reminded him. "This is really the first time you've ever truly been angry with me before. You're not perfect, Merlin. It happens."

"I can't afford to lose control like that with my magic," Merlin agonized. "If I'd harmed you, I'd never forgive myself."

"Merlin, I'm fine," Arthur repeated. "You stopped yourself before things got out of hand. Nothing happened. Alright?"

"What's wrong with me, Arthur?" Merlin sounded so pitiful. "I get angry, I get sad, I treat you badly even though you're the one I love above all others in this world."

"I don't know," Arthur said quietly. "I wish I did so that I could fix it."

"I just feel so out of control, like my emotions just spill out of me and there's nothing I can do to stop it," Merlin admitted. "It's awful to live with."

"I can tell," said Arthur, holding Merlin close yet again. It felt so right to have his sorcerer back in his arms. He vowed right then that he was going to give Merlin all the care that he needed, if the warlock would agree to it.

"What is it?" Merlin asked. Even though they'd been apart for a little while, he could still tell when Arthur had something on his mind.

"Gwen and I have been talking about your, ah… issue." Arthur glanced at Merlin, nervous that he might explode again when he mentioned Merlin's problem.

"You can call it whatever you want," Merlin said wearily. "You were right, Arthur. I do need help, and lots of it."

"We've sent orders to the far corners of the kingdom, asking several physicians who have experience with magical matters to come to the castle. When they arrive, will you promise me that you'll let them examine you?"

"I promise," said Merlin.

"Good. You'll also need to cut back your hours at the school," said Arthur. "You're running yourself ragged."

Merlin tried to protest, but Arthur held up his hand and the sorcerer admitted defeat. "I am really tired," said Merlin. "I haven't been sleeping well."

"That, on top of everything else?! You should've told me!" Arthur admonished Merlin. "From now on, if you're feeling anything out of the ordinary, you need to tell me."

"Alright," Merlin agreed. "Can I sleep in your bed tonight?"

"I would love that," said Arthur, warmed to the core that Merlin would ask such a request. "I'm sure that Gwen would be fine sleeping in your room tonight. If anyone asks, you were so tired that you fell asleep in my bed and I didn't have the heart to wake you. Go ahead, get in," Arthur urged. Merlin kicked off his shoes and got under the covers, pulling them all the way up so that only his head peeked out at the top.

"Arthur… I really want to _you know_, but… " Merlin trailed off.

The king looked scandalized. "Don't even think about that! You're exhausted. There will be plenty of time for that when you're better."

"I just want to be enough for you," Merlin said in a small voice.

"You are!" Arthur silently cursed himself for his earlier distasteful remarks. He'd really made a mess of things, to have Merlin doubting himself like this. That was the last thing that he'd wanted. He promised himself that he'd try to be more careful about choosing his words in regards to Merlin in the future. "You're all I ever wanted. God, Merlin! You're the love of my life. You could _never_ be replaced."

Apparently, Arthur had said the magic words because Merlin reached out his arms for Arthur, a gesture that he hadn't made in weeks. Arthur joined him in the bed, and wrapped himself around his sorcerer. Merlin quickly fell asleep but Arthur had trouble, his mind was filled with worries for their uncertain future. He eventually drifted off, joining Merlin in slumber where his worries didn't exist.

.~.

End Chapter 27

A/N: I hope that you guys like this because I poured my heart and soul into writing this chapter. It's so hard writing them in a fight! I don't like it, lol. Now at least they are making amends. Let me know in a review what you think! Thanks.


	29. Heartbreak

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps  
and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. Merlin gets a bit of a reprieve from his sickness, until he doesn't. Enjoy this next chapter!

Chapter 28: Heartbreak

.~.

The next morning, Merlin told Arthur that he'd slept better than he had in a long time. Arthur suggested that Merlin keep sleeping in his bed, and damn the consequences. Wisely, Merlin turned him down. He didn't want to take the risk that they might be caught. He didn't know that he'd practically sealed his own doom, to keep sleeping in the adjoining room with the magic poultices that enhanced his negative emotions.

When Rowan brought their breakfast, Merlin asked him if he'd be willing to take on more responsibilities at the school, to take more of a leadership position since Merlin was going to cut back his hours. Rowan colored and stammered how he was busy enough already and he wasn't sure he was ready for such a thing, but that he'd think about it. Merlin tried to explain that he'd lighten his serving duties and give him guidance in regards to his new responsibilities, but Rowan had already bolted by then.

"That was weird," said Arthur with a frown. "I don't know why he'd react so strongly to your suggestion."

"I think he's just scared," said Merlin. "I guess I should've been a little more tactful when asking him. I'll use a different approach with Caelia and Bruin. They're the others that I wanted to ask."

"You know what else is weird? Gwen's not up." Arthur realized. "She should be awake by now."

"I'll go get her," said Merlin. The young warlock went to his room to tell the queen that it was time to start the day. Gwen soon joined them for breakfast, pushed her plate aside, and placed her head on the table.

"What's wrong?" Merlin asked.

"Ugh, I didn't sleep well at all. I feel so strange," she confessed, pressing her fingers against her temples. "When you came to wake me up, Merlin, I felt so angry! Don't ever call me a 'lazy daisy' again. I don't like it!"

"Alright, I won't." Merlin held up his hands in surrender. "Goodness, you're touchy this morning," he remarked.

"I am not!" Gwen glared Merlin. "Leave me alone. I had to spend the night in your bed when I'm used to sleeping in Arthur's."

"Oh no. Please don't tell me that whatever Merlin's got is catching," Arthur groaned. "I couldn't take it if that happened to both of you!"

Gwen took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I'm sure it's nothing," she reassured him. "I'm probably just hungry." In a move that surprised both Merlin and Arthur, she attacked her food. The conversation turned to a different topic and Arthur and Merlin soon forgot about Gwen's comment. They had more important things to discuss, like the threat of the dark sorcerer.

"If we're going to try and figure out the plans of this dark sorcerer, we need to go over everything that's happened to us so far," Gwen advised.

"Okay, let's start from the beginning," said Arthur. "It all started with the first sorcerer that was sent to kill me in the tournament. Merlin saved my life, but he revealed his gift to everyone present, including my father."

"That sorcerer was fairly easy to kill, especially since he didn't expect me to be very powerful," said Merlin. Then I was taken to jail and you broke me out that next morning. We rode to the relative safety of the forest. We admitted what we felt for each other and spent the night in the druids' camp."

"Then Lancelot found us, we returned to Camelot and I became king," Arthur said. He glanced at Gwen, but she didn't outwardly react to the mention of her dead lover. Hopefully she was beginning to get over his death.

"Soon after that, you repealed the ban on magic. Then another dark mage was sent to kill you and I was barely able to protect you in time," Merlin remembered. "They sent someone much more powerful that time."

"That was when you didn't protect yourself and you swore to me that you'd never put your life before my own," said Arthur.

"Yes, and I've kept that promise." Merlin waved him off. "Morgana, Caelia, and Bruin all combined their powers to subdue the sorcerer. Then you had him killed in a private execution and he threatened that more of his kind were planning to kill you and take over the kingdom."

"They tried to take you out twice with a single mage and that hasn't worked," said Gwen. "I don't think they'll try that again."

"No, they'll try something different," Arthur agreed. "But what?"

"If I had to guess, I say that they've got someone in the castle that's an informant, a spy for them," said Merlin.

"Why do you think that?" Arthur asked.

"It's just a feeling I have," said Merlin. "It's also what I would do if I were them."

"So how would we go about discovering the identity of the spy, if they even exist?" Gwen asked.

"Let's think about it," Merlin postulated. "Who has easy access to Arthur? Who could let the enemy inside the city without getting detected?"

"He could possibly…" Arthur started.

"Or she," Gwen interjected.

"He or she," Arthur amended, "could possibly have magic. That would make sense."

"Who do we know that fits all those criteria?" Merlin asked.

Just then, they were interrupted by the sudden appearance of a stricken-looking Morgana and forgot all about their train of thought. The pretty witch's dark locks were in disarray, her eyes bloodshot, and she was still in her nightclothes.

"Morgana!" Arthur cried. "What happened?" He asked, although he had a good guess. More than likely she'd had another prophetic dream.

"Arthur, it was horrible!" She cried, sinking to the floor and curling up in the fetal position.

"What did you See this time?" Merlin asked, not sure if he wanted to know the answer. He got down on her level and took her hand in his.

"I had a nightmare where Camelot was defeated by the dark sorcerer and his army," she cried. "Arthur was killed and after you saw that, you went crazy, Merlin."

"It was just a dream," Arthur soothed, getting down on the floor and pulling her into his arms. He rocked her back and forth and her frightened mutterings slowly dissipated. " 'Gana, it's going to be alright. Trust me."

"It's only a possible future," Merlin reminded her, but inside he was filled with dread. More often than not, Morgana's visions came true. If Arthur died, he felt that it was entirely possible that he would be consumed by his magic and his grief. If he ended up in that state, he'd be no help to the kingdom at all, and the dark forces would win.

"Yes, but in the dream the magic users were ill prepared for the fight!" Morgana informed them. We HAVE to tell the students about the dark sorcerer's threat so they'll have an idea about what they'll be up against."

"I don't know," Arthur worried. "If we tell them, they'll end up telling their families, and soon all of Camelot will know. The last thing we need is a panic on our hands."

"Please, Arthur!" Morgana cried. "You have to listen to me!"

"I think Morgana's right," said Merlin, standing up for his apprentice. "They need to know what they're going to be up against. It will be a great motivator for them to work as hard as they can to prepare for the impending battle."

"I agree with Merlin," said Gwen. "If we have any chance of winning this battle, our magic users need to be as prepared as they can. Hiding the truth from them would accomplish nothing."

"We could always swear them to secrecy," Morgana suggested. "Someone might slip up, but it's a risk we'll have to take."

"Alright," Arthur conceded. "I don't think we have much of a choice; we'll tell them about the impending threat of the sorcerer. But we can do better than just swear them to secrecy."

"What do you mean?" Morgana asked.

"I've got an idea. We'll have all the magic users take an oath to protect the king from any enemy in front of their peers. You and Merlin will carefully observe them and see if they act even the slightest bit nervous. If they do, we'll consider them as possible suspects."

"That's a great idea," Gwen enthused, and Merlin and Morgana agreed wholeheartedly.

"When you're giving the oath, make sure that you include the part where they're swearing their allegiance to me," said Arthur. "If they want me dead, they could react right at that moment."

"We will," Merlin promised.

"I need to get ready to go to the school," said Morgana, realizing how much time had elapsed. "Merlin, are you coming?"

"Yes. I'm feeling much better today," said Merlin. All three of his friends turned to him with doubting expressions.

"What? I promise I'm telling the truth!" He defended himself.

"What do you think?" Arthur asked the women.

"I think he's being honest," said Gwen. "He seems alright to me."

"But he should still take it easy and only go in for a half day," Morgana insisted.

"That's not necessary," Merlin insisted. "I'm fine!"

"And we want you to stay that way," said Arthur, making it clear that this was not up for discussion."

"Alright," Merlin reluctantly conceded. "I do have some spell books that I could read in the later part of the day. Are you sure you'll be able to manage with out me?"

"Yes," said Morgana. "But I could really do with extra help in the future. Are you going to ask Caelia and Bruin any time soon?"

"We're going to tonight," said Merlin.

"If they don't agree, I can always order them too," Arthur said casually.

"You will do no such thing," Merlin said sternly.

"I know." Arthur chuckled. "I wouldn't do that. I just wanted to see what you'd say."

"I'd say that I know a king of your caliber would never take such an action unless the kingdom was under attack." Merlin glanced fondly at Arthur. "I like to think I had a hand in that."

"You ARE feeling better," said Arthur with a grin. He reached out and ruffled Merlin's hair, and Merlin let him.

"As much as I love to stay and watch you boys flirt, some of us have work this morning," said Morgana.

"Quite right," Gwen agreed.

"I'll be right behind you," Merlin promised, as the women left the king's chambers. He finished his breakfast, kissed Arthur goodbye, and headed for the school feeling better than he'd had in weeks.

.~.

That morning, Merlin and Morgana made an announcement to their students concerning the threat that had been made against King Arthur and all the citizens of Camelot. Many of the students reacted with fear at first, but after Merlin explained how he was going to ready them to fight, they calmed down. Merlin was proud of how determined his students were to take on this burden of fighting the evil forces that dared threaten their home.

They imposed a new rule for their students to follow in light of the crazy mob that had turned up on their doorstep. The rule was that they were not allowed to be out in public by themselves - they always needed to have at least one other person with them. Almost every student protested, insisting that they were strong enough to handle themselves. However, Merlin stood firm. He explained that there was strength in numbers, and that someone was more likely to be attacked if they were alone. Merlin insisted that he only wanted to make sure that his students were safe and that this protective measure was a way to ensure that. His pupils, rather reluctantly, agreed to follow the rule.

Finally, the duo had each student take an oath to protect the king at all costs. No one sounded nervous to Merlin. All of his students were present except Rowan, who came in late. Merlin made a mental note to have him take the oath later. He didn't really think Rowan needed to take it, since he already served Arthur, but he supposed that in the spirit of fairness, he should insist.

The rest of the morning went quickly. The threat of the dark sorcerer seemed to really inspire his students, as they were all performing quite well.

When Merlin left the school after lunch, he felt relieved that the secret of the dark sorcerer had been revealed, and that all the students had vowed not to tell anyone about it. He was also relieved that he'd imposed the new rule about traveling alone, and that he'd administered the oath. He hoped his students would be able to keep their promises.

Merlin spent the afternoon lounging in the king's chambers, reading through old spell books, looking for anything that could help him counter the dark magic that they would eventually have to face.

.~.

That night, Arthur and Merlin invited Caelia and Bruin to the king's chambers for dinner. They invited them under the pretense of seeing how Bruin was coping. It couldn't be easy living life knowing that half the town had wanted to punish him.

The young couple arrived dressed in their best. Bruin and Caelia were more than comfortable with Merlin, but eating in front of the king was a different story. They knew that Arthur had a good reputation for treating people of lesser standing well, but they were still a little nervous to dine with him. They'd never eaten in front of a noble before, much less the king!

Arthur's personal guard let them into the king's chambers. The young lovers exchanged a determined glance as they prepared to face the king of all Camelot.

"Good evening, Caelia. Bruin." Arthur nodded at them in turn. "It was good of you to join us."

"It was good of you to invite us," said Bruin, giving a small bow.

"Yes, it was," Caelia chimed in as she curtsied. "Thank you."

"Please, sit down." Arthur indicated two chairs at their table across from him and Merlin, and the young magic users made themselves comfortable.

"Good lord, Arthur, quit sounding so formal," Merlin snorted. "They're my students, not some visiting dignitaries."

"Well, excuse me, _Mer_lin for being polite to our guests." Merlin passed out their dinners that had been sent up from the kitchens. Caelia and Bruin thanked them for their meals but they made no move to eat.

Caelia cleared her throat. "If it's not too bold to ask, Sire, I was wondering why you really called us here."

"As was I," Bruin added. They looked expectantly at Arthur.

"Straight and to the point. I like that," said Arthur with a smile. "Well, then. We wanted to ask if you would be willing to accept more responsibility in regards to the school. I know you know about the dark sorcerer's threat."

Bruin and Caelia nodded grimly.

"Not only that, I'm needing to cut back the amount of time I spend there," said Merlin. "I know it's not a surprise to you that I'm being afflicted with… well, I'm struggling with… er."

"Dark magic, Merlin," Arthur supplied. They _know_. Stop trying to gloss over it." He placed a reassuring hand on Merlin's shoulder, but since they were in front of company, the sorcerer shrugged it off. He didn't want his students to think that anything untoward was going on between him and the king.

"Thanks a lot, Arthur," Merlin rolled his eyes. "I would appreciate it if you'd put my struggles with dark magic a bit more delicately than that."

"Why? We all know what it is that ails you. What's the point in pretending that we don't?" Arthur countered.

Sensing a possible argument, Caelia spoke up. "I can't speak for Bruin, but I'd be more than happy to assume more responsibility for ensuring the school stays open."

"Me too," Bruin added. "I assume we would be working under Morgana's tutelage?"

"Yes," said Merlin, relieved that they seemed willing to help. "She will be delegating tasks to you two as well as Rowan, who agreed to help this morning. We'll be dividing the students into groups, based on ability and skill. You'll each be in charge of a group, making sure all your students' needs are met. If you need help, go to Morgana, or come to me."

"We will," Caelia vowed.

"Thank you for trusting us with such a responsibility," said Bruin. "We won't let you down."

"I know you both will be able to handle it," Merlin assured them. "That's why I asked you."

"Now that that's settled, please eat." Arthur indicated the plates in front of them. The couple needed no more encouragement, and they quickly tucked in to their food. The room was filled with sounds of cutlery scraping the plates as the foursome enjoyed their meals.

When they all finished eating, Caelia cleared her throat again. She shared a quick glance with her fiancé before speaking.

"Your majesty, Merlin." She looked at them both before continuing. "There's something Bruin and I wanted to say to both of you."

"Yes?" Arthur prompted.

"Is something wrong?" Merlin worried.

"Nothing's wrong," said Caelia with a smile. "It's something very right. We _know_."

"Know what?" Merlin turned white. They couldn't be referring to what he thought they were. Had someone finally discovered his and Arthur's secret?

"About you and Arthur," said Bruin.

"I don't know what you mean," said Merlin.

He and Arthur exchanged worried glances. They'd planned for this. If someone accused them of being involved together, they would fervently deny it. After all, without proof, their accusations would be dismissed as idle gossip.

"It's alright," Caelia insisted. "You don't have to hide it from us. We don't judge you – quite the opposite. I think it's beautiful that you both finally found someone to love."

Arthur and Merlin didn't move, didn't breathe.

"I agree," Bruin added. "I know men loving men is against the law, but until a few months ago, so was using magic. I have a brother who was always interested in men, and he settled down with a man a few years ago. I know it's not something untoward or unnatural."

"Oh, don't worry - we won't tell a soul," Caelia promised. "We just wanted to tell you that we fully support your relationship."

"What relationship?" scoffed Arthur. "We're just close friends." Merlin flinched at that statement, proving Arthur's words to be false. The king then put his head in his hands, as Merlin had just given them away.

"Can you excuse us for one moment?" Arthur led Merlin into his bedroom and closed the door, giving them some privacy.

"Why, Merlin? For once, couldn't you just control your emotions!" Arthur shook his head and Merlin's face crumbled.

"I can't help it," Merlin insisted, biting back a sob. "I thought I was feeling so much better, but obviously that's not the case. I just can't control how I act right now!" His hands started shaking, and he held them down in an attempt to make them stop.

"Alright. I'm sorry," Arthur soothed, taking Merlin's hands in his own and squeezing them until the shaking stopped. "Forgive me?"

"Always," said Merlin.

Arthur pulled Merlin close, trying to reassure him that he would always be there for him. "It's alright. We'll just have to deal with the consequences."

"Arthur, we can trust them." Merlin smiled at his king. "I know we can."

"Very well," Arthur sighed. This wasn't how Arthur wanted other people to find out about him and Merlin, but he trusted his sorcerer. If Merlin said that Caelia and Bruin could be trusted, then he believed him.

They stepped out from the spare bedroom and came to a stop in front of their guests.

"You were right. Merlin and I are together," Arthur proclaimed. "We're sorry for the deception, but I wasn't sure if you could be trusted."

"Thank you for trusting us," Bruin said seriously. "We will hold this information in the strictest confidence. Won't we?"

"Oh, yes. Of course," Caelia promised. "I do have a question, though. Bruin and I disagree on exactly when it was you admitted your feelings. Was it right before you came back to take your place as king, your majesty?"

"Yes," Arthur admitted.

"I knew it!" Caelia exclaimed with glee.

"You win," Bruin groaned.

Merlin and Arthur just stared at the couple who began to argue about what Bruin had to give Caelia since he'd apparently lost their bet. They thought it was a little surreal for their love life to be the cause of such speculation, but they knew it came with living such public lives.

"How did you…" Arthur trailed off.

"How did we find out?" Caelia asked. She barely stifled a giggle. "Honestly, it was pretty easy for me to tell. You two were always making eyes at each other when you thought no one was looking. Sire, you always treated Merlin better than anyone. I could tell by your everyday interactions that there was a love between you, a deep love."

"And you?" Arthur asked.

"Merlin, you always spoke highly of Arthur," said Bruin. "When you spoke about him, your voice grew soft somehow. It sounded like me when I was speaking of Caelia. We voiced our suspicions to each other and came to the realization about the true nature of your relationship."

"Who else knows?" Arthur asked, feeling a bit calmer now.

"No one else knows for sure. I think a few of the students suspect, but they would never say anything to jeopardize your positions," said Caelia.

"Great," Arthur sighed. "And here I thought we were being really careful."

"It's difficult to hide when you're in love," said Bruin, interlocking his fingers with Caelia's.

"Are people saying that Arthur's being unfaithful to Gwen?" Merlin worried.

"No," said Caelia. "It's just speculation, idle gossip."

"That's good," said Arthur. "She's our greatest supporter," he informed them.

"I figured," said Caelia. "I didn't think that you were the type of a man to deceive your wife. And I imagine the arrangement suits her, since she's still grieving over the loss of Sir Lancelot."

"Yes," Arthur said simply.

Arthur and Merlin prayed that they wouldn't touch the subject of Gwen's child, and thankfully they didn't bring it up.

"So, what is the latest news about your law to lower the taxes?" Bruin asked, and the tense mood in the room quickly evaporated.

Arthur casually lay his arm around Merlin as they spoke about the law. Then the subject of Bruin and Caelia's impending marriage came up.

"We were hoping that you could perform the ceremony," said Bruin.

"Do I have the authority to do that?" Merlin asked Arthur.

"If I say you do, then you do," said Arthur.

"Great. Of course I'll do it. When were you thinking about getting married?"

"The sooner the better," said Caelia. "With the threat of the dark sorcerer hanging over our heads, we don't want to wait much longer."

They discussed dates with Merlin, and decided upon one.

Something just occurred to Arthur. "Does your father live here?" He asked Caelia.

"No, Sire. He passed away a few years ago."

"Then who are you going to have give you away?"

"I don't know," Caelia said sadly. "I don't have any male relatives."

"I'll do it," Arthur offered.

"Oh, no, your majesty!" Caelia blushed. "That's very kind, but I couldn't accept your offer."

"Please," Arthur insisted. "You saved Merlin's life by using your magic to help Morgana and Rowan catch that dark sorcerer. I know it's not enough, but I'd like to repay you. Not only that, but I will be showing support for your and Bruin's union. It will send a message to my people that I favor you both."

"That sounds too good to be true," Caelia stared at the king, in complete awe.

"Believe me, Arthur is nothing but sincere," Merlin insisted. "It would make us very happy if you'd accept."

"Caelia, you won't get a better offer than that," said Bruin. "I think you should take it."

"I don't know what to say," Caelia said.

"Say thank you," said Arthur with a grin.

"Thank you very much!" Caelia cried. "Just think of it - the king giving me away and the court sorcerer marrying us. I'll be the talk of the town!"

"Thank you, Sire," said Bruin, shaking hands with Arthur. "You've made us very happy."

"Please, call me Arthur. I think you've earned that right, considering your support of my love for Merlin."

"We'll make sure it's a wedding to remember," Merlin added, giving them his trademark toothy grin.

After exchanging more thanks, Caelia and Bruin soon took their leave of them, stunned about their good fortune.

"I certainly wasn't expecting that, but I think it turned out alright," said Arthur.

"Your volunteering to give Caelia away was brilliant," said Merlin, his eyes shining brightly.

"Yes, I thought so," said Arthur, his self-important tone of voice making Merlin laugh. "We need to show the people where we stand. Besides, I knew that it would make you smile."

"It did. "

"It was nice to eat with people who knew our secret," Arthur admitted. "It felt good putting my arm around you in front of them. I can't show the world you're mine, but at least I could show them."

"You know, the last time we dined with a couple who knew we were together, Lancelot died very soon after," Merlin said offhandedly.

"Don't be so morbid, _Mer_lin. And don't mention that to Gwen when she arrives for bed."

"I won't, Merlin promised. "I'm exhausted. It's been a long day." He fell into bed and forgot all about the morbid comment he'd made.

.~.

Unfortunately, Merlin's words would come back to haunt him. Two days later, Bruin was running late on his way to school. He was in direct violation of Merlin's new rule - he was completely by himself. He walked through the square, lost in thought about how beautiful Caelia would look in her wedding dress. So when the assassin stabbed him in the side with a dagger, Bruin was stunned. Rooted to the spot, he watched as a masked person pulled the dagger from his side and took off.

Bruin staggered forward and fell to his knees as the wound from his side slowly leaked blood. "Help me!" He choked out as he clutched his side and managed to sit down. A small crowd began to gather as they heard Bruin's cries.

"Someone go find Merlin! Check the school." A bystander yelled. Two knights heard his plea, and went to deliver the message about what had just occured. They arrived at the school, panting as they told Merlin what had happened and where to find Bruin. Without question, Merlin went running with Caelia following close behind.

However, by the time Merlin and Caelia made it to the square, it was already too late.

"Merlin, you have to heal him!" Caelia begged as Merlin knelt down next to the pale Bruin, magically scanning his body.

"I can't." Merlin's hands were shaking. He tried to heal his friend, but his magic was useless. He guessed that the weapon had been laced with dark magic. "His heart's been poisoned with dark magic. There's nothing I can do." He took Bruin's hand and placed it in Caelia's. "He doesn't have much time left. You need to say goodbye."

"No. Marry us," Bruin choked out. "I want you to be taken care of, Caelia. Having my name and inheritance will ensure your future." Merlin's eyes filled with tears as he realized they had only seconds left to officially seal their bond of love. He tried not to think about the day when he'd have to say goodbye to Arthur, but didn't succeed. He vowed to keep it together long enough to marry the couple, who were depending on him.

A crowd began to gather around them, as word of Bruin's injury spread through the square. Merlin had to shout to be heard.

"Do you, Caelia?" Merlin yelled.

"I do," Caelia cried, tears running down her cheeks as the severity of the situation finally sunk in.

"Do you, Bruin?"

"I do," Bruin whispered. With considerable effort, Bruin lifted his hand and caressed Caelia's cheek for the last time.

"With the power invested in me by King Arthur, I now pronounce you husband and wife," Merlin proclaimed before all who stood watching.

Bruin smiled, happy that he finally got to marry the love of his life. He regretted that he had to leave her. "I love you, wife," he declared. Then his hand dropped from his new wife's cheek. Merlin saw the moment Bruin left this world, the moment when his eyes lost their spark.

"No!" Caelia's cries grew hysterical as she frantically tried to wake her husband. She kissed his lips, but was met with no response. "Bruin! You have to wake up!"

"Caelia, he's gone," Merlin said heavily. "There's nothing you can do. I'm sorry.' He tried to pull her into his arms, but she didn't allow it, instead clinging to Bruin's now empty shell.

"Bruin, please. We're married now. Don't leave me!" Caelia called, shaking his body. But, of course, Bruin didn't move.

Caelia kept shaking Bruin but Merlin knew that her actions were all for naught. He knew Caelia would never be with her lover ever again, never kiss him again, never feel his arms around her. Slowly, that began to sink in.

As he watched Caelia continue to try to revive her dead husband, Merlin gave an anguished cry. Then, near the front of the crowd, he spotted Sir Caradoc. The aged knight was smirking as he spoke to his companions, gesturing at the fallen Bruin. Merlin then knew for certain who was behind this. He wanted nothing more than to murder Sir Caradoc for getting revenge on his innocent student.

The young warlock felt the dark power rising within him. He couldn't stop the magic from coursing through his veins. It was looking for an exit, for a release. Merlin couldn't think; all he could do was get lost in the feeling of pure despair. He knew he needed to leave the area, but he was completely surrounded by people. He wouldn't be able to get far enough away in time.

Merlin knew that if he lost control, his magic would instinctively kill Sir Caradoc even if he didn't command it to. It would feel so good just to off the man and be done with him! But deep down, Merlin remembered what would happen to his kind if he killed someone in cold blood. If he did that, everything they had done to convince the general populace that magic users only use their gifts for good would have been for nothing.

Merlin refused to kill Sir Caradoc even though his magic desperately needed a violent release. So he did the only thing he could think of to prevent Sir Caradoc's murder – he put his hands on his chest and turned his magic on himself. As he blacked out on the cobblestones, he thought he heard Arthur's stricken voice calling for him but he couldn't be certain.

End Chapter 28

A/N: Sorry for the sad ending. I just keep killing people off. Muhaha! You know it has to get worse before it gets better. Reviews are great!


	30. A Great Sadness

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind. There is a scene where Merlin's dark magic takes over, and it almost becomes a non-consensual situation with him and Arthur. If that bothers you, I'd recommend skimming over that section. This story is rated M for a reason, and for the first time I'm exploring some really mature themes. 

.~.

Chapter 29: A Great Sadness

.~.

Merlin slowly opened his eyes. Arthur's face swam into vision as he peered down at him. The light hurt his eyes so he closed them again.

"Merlin, do you know who I am?" Arthur asked, as if he was afraid to know the answer. It was possible that Merlin could be addled in the head. He didn't know what he'd do if Merlin didn't recognize him.

"You're an insufferable prat," Merlin muttered.

"He remembers," said Morgana, giving a little laugh.

"Oh, thank goodness!" Gwen exclaimed.

"I'll overlook that completely untrue remark since I'm so happy you're alright." Arthur said, and then placed a kiss on his sorcerer's forehead.

This spurred Merlin into opening his eyes again, and this time they slowly adjusted to the light. He focused on the most welcome sight of Arthur's handsome face. He realized that he was in his own room by the DuBois coat of arms on the wall.

"How are you feeling?" The king asked, taking Merlin's hand in his own.

"Like I just took on a gryphon and lost,," Merlin groaned. He tried to sit up and Arthur helped him, placing pillows behind his back so Merlin could lean against the headboard.

"How long have I been out?" Merlin asked.

"Two days," was Arthur's grim answer. "We were afraid that you wouldn't wake up."

"Did I get in a fight or something? I can tell I've been hurt by magic," said Merlin. "My body aches all over."

"You don't remember?" Gwen asked.

"I know I lost control of my anger, but the details are kind of fuzzy," Merlin admitted. "What happened?"

Arthur, Gwen, and Morgana exchanged concerned looks. "You turned your magic on yourself after you watched Bruin die. You tried to heal him, but you couldn't."

"Oh," said Merlin in a small voice, the anger and helplessness flooding his body as he remembered how Bruin died. "It's coming back to me now. I wish I didn't remember." He rolled over, facing away from his friends.

"Merlin," said Gwen. "You did marry them before Bruin died. Caelia will inherit all of Bruin's property. At least you did that for them."

Merlin recalled performing the shortest wedding he'd ever seen. Then he remembered something really important and turned back over. "Arthur! I saw Sir Caradoc smirking at us, as Bruin's life slipped away. I just_ know_ he was responsible for his death."

"Yes, we know." Arthur heaved a sigh. "Sir Caradoc came forward yesterday, claiming that he was under a spell, and that he can't remember anything that happened that morning. We're holding him in the dungeons for further questioning."

"Good. He deserves to be locked up," Merlin said with venom.

"Merlin! You don't mean that," said Morgana, sounding affronted.

"Yes I do," Merlin insisted.

"If he was indeed put under a spell, it wouldn't be his fault," said Morgana. "It's possible that he could be innocent."

Merlin ignored her and changed the subject. "Any leads on the weapon?"

"Someone saw a masked person drop an object into the well," said Arthur. "We recovered a dagger and the knight that picked it up got a nasty burn on his hand. We're pretty sure the dagger has been cursed with dark magic."

"That explains why I wasn't able to heal the wound," said Merlin. "I just can't believe Bruin is gone." He looked away from his friends.

"Neither can I," said Arthur. "We just had them over for dinner. The world has lost a truly remarkable person."

"It was my fault," Merlin said, sounding hollow. "I should've protected him better. I knew the townsfolk held a grudge against him. I should've personally escorted him to and from school at the very least." He began to shake but he refused to cry. He knew it wouldn't help anything, and he didn't want to go to pieces in front of Arthur and Gwen if he could help it.

"You couldn't have known this was going to happen," said Arthur. "You can't blame yourself."

But Merlin knew that it was his fault, even if Arthur didn't think so.

"How is Caelia?" Merlin asked, remembering his student who had just become a widow.

"Not good," said Gwen. "She's been spending most of her time with me. I know exactly what she's going through so I've been trying to help her."

"Thank you, Gwen," said Merlin. At least Caelia didn't have to suffer through the loss of her husband alone. "I'm happy to do it."

Merlin's friends exchanged a glance.

"Merlin, could you try to stand up?" Arthur asked.

Merlin was a little surprised by the question, but he shrugged and got out of the bed. He was able to stand up without too much trouble. "There," said Merlin.

"Can you walk?" Gwen asked.

"I think so." Merlin took a few experimental steps around the room and soon walked the length of it and back.

"That's good," said Arthur.

"Hang on," said Merlin. "Last time I got injured you wouldn't even let me sit up in bed right away. Why aren't you telling me to rest?"

"We want you to return to the school as soon as possible," said Arthur.

"Yes," Gwen chimed in. "We don't want people to get the idea that your powers have been weakened. "

Arthur added, "I can have a knight escort you, in case you get tired. Do you think you can do it?"

"I can and I will," Merlin vowed, knowing how important his presence would be. "I'm not sure how well I'll be able to teach, though."

"We're not expecting you to teach," said Arthur. "We just want you to be seen entering and exiting the school at the regular time. Anything else would be great, but more than anything we want you to have a fast recovery."

"There's something else," said Morgana. "We want Caelia to go too. She won't listen to me when I tried to persuade her to do it, but she might listen to you. We really need her help."

"I'll try to convince her," said Merlin. "Where is she?"

"She's been summoned here," said Arthur.

Sure enough, just after Merlin changed into suitable clothing, there was a knock at the door. It was Caelia. Arthur, Gwen, and Morgana left the room, leaving Merlin alone with his grieving student.

Merlin sat down on the bed and patted the spot next to him. Caelia sat down and let Merlin wrap his arm around her as she softly cried into his shoulder. They reminisced about the good times with Bruin, and how well he'd been doing with the magical training. Merlin reminded Caelia of their promise to give extra time and help to guiding the students' training. He told her that Bruin would've wanted her to keep her promise. Caelia glared at him, annoyed that he'd use that against her but she finally relented.

.~.

When Caelia was ready, they headed to the school around midday and were escorted by Sir Leon. They went in the front entrance for the benefit of anyone who was watching them. Merlin explained to his worried students what had happened to him. He sat in a chair, helping supervise the students from there as they tried to master a new shielding spell. Merlin didn't dare use magic of his own to demonstrate – he left that to Morgana and Caelia.

Merlin saw his students struggle with the fairly advanced spell and was overcome with an intense wave of fear. What if Morgana's dream came true and the magic users weren't capable to defending Camelot from the dark mage and his followers? What if he lost Arthur? Merlin had to step away from what he was doing and hide in the back room. He soundlessly cried, unable to control how he was feeling or acting. He didn't understand why he was like this, and how Caelia was fine and helping the students even though she had lost the love of her life and he had not.

As he, Morgana, and Caelia left the school that night, Merlin remembered that the physicians from out of town were supposed to arrive the next morning. Merlin hoped that they would be able to give him an answer as to why he was feeling this way.

.~.

Much to Merlin and Arthur's relief, physicians arrived the next day. He finished his day at school and as promised, Merlin allowed them to examine him. Their prognosis was disheartening to say the least.

"We can detect no evidence of disease or of a spell being cast on Merlin," the head physician informed them as Merlin put his shirt back on.

"But we _know_ he's being affected by dark magic," said Arthur. "He's got all the symptoms."

"Many magicians struggle with controlling the dark magic that lives inside them," said the second physician. "He can take a potion that would limit his powers, including his dark ones."

Deeply hurt, Merlin walked right past them, leaving the room. He didn't want to hear how the dark magic was a part of him and how the only solution was to stop using magic. He _wouldn't_ do it.

He hid in the garden until Arthur was finished talking with the physicians and came to find him.

.~.

"Hey," Arthur said softly.

"Hey," was Merlin's listless answer.

Arthur looked both ways to make sure that they were alone. "I thought that tonight we could use some time together. Just the two of us."

Merlin lit up when he heard that suggestion. "Oh?"

"I was thinking I could hold you and we could read more of my mother's diary,  
said Arthur. "I really enjoy that and I think you do too."

"Oh," said Merlin, trying not to sound too disappointed. He was hoping that Arthur was going to initiate sexual activity between them, but it hadn't happened.

"Don't you want to?" Arthur asked.

"We can do that," said Merlin, not giving him a straight answer.

"Well, I've got to get back to the council meeting," said Arthur. "Gwen is holding her own, but I know she feels better when I'm there by her side." Merlin didn't like to hear about Gwen spending time at his Arthur's side, but he didn't say anything.

"When should I expect you?" Merlin asked.

"I'll be in our chambers around dinnertime," Arthur promised. "All right?"

"Arthur. I can't stop using magic. I can't! " Merlin insisted.

"I know," the king said softly. "Don't worry, love. I wouldn't ask you to do that."

"Good," said Merlin. "See you later?"

"Later," Arthur echoed as he left Merlin by himself again.

.~.

_Later that day_

Rowan promptly brought up two plates of food from the kitchen when it was time for dinner. Merlin waited a half hour for Arthur to arrive before going ahead and eating his food. When he was finished, Arthur still hadn't shown up so he grabbed a spell book and began to read to pass the time.

It was dark outside when Arthur finally slipped into their chambers.

"Where were you?" Merlin accused. "Why are you so late?"

Arthur heaved a sigh and collapsed into his chair. "I've had to train several new knights, fight with the council over the new tax law, and talk with Gwen about the amount of provisions we wish to distribute to the people who have lost everything due to the drought. I'm exhausted, but the meetings aren't so bad with Gwen having my back."

"So now I'm being replaced with Gwen?" Merlin muttered. "That didn't take very long. 

"Merlin, are you actually jealous?" Arthur gaped at him with incredulity. "Of Gwen?"

"You're always spending time with her, more than with me." Merlin crossed his arms and glared at the king.

"That's the way it has to be," said Arthur. "We're ruling the kingdom and you're in charge of the magic school."

"And every night she shares your bed," said Merlin.

"Out of necessity," Arthur reminded him.

"Are you tempted?" Merlin asked. "Tell the truth."

"No!" Arthur exclaimed. "I have no interest in Gwen whatsoever. I'd much rather sleep with you."

"Really?" Merlin asked.

"Yes," said Arthur. "Merlin, what's gotten into you? What's really going on?"

"I just worry that you're going to get tired of me," Merlin mumbled. "Gwen's not

having trouble with her emotions. It would make sense if you turned to her for comfort and... whatever else."

"Nothing would make me leave you," said Arthur. "You're going to get better, Merlin. And then things are going to be wonderful again, just like they were when we first admitted our feelings."

"I'm sorry I accused you," said Merlin, feeling horrible for implying that Arthur was being unfaithful. "I just..."

"You don't have to apologize," said Arthur. "You're right, somewhat. I have been spending a lot of time with Gwen, and not as much with you. I'll try to remedy that somehow. Just remember that Gwen is your friend too, Merlin. She'd never do anything to intentionally hurt you."

"I know," Merlin whispered. "I don't know why I thought that. It doesn't make any sense."

"It doesn't matter," Arthur said firmly. "Well. Now that I've convinced you that I'm not cheating, I'd really like to eat my dinner."

Merlin chuckled, relieved that Arthur could joke about their little argument. He handed Arthur his plate full of meat, greens, and potatoes. He magically warmed it, since it had long since gone cold. He watched Arthur inhale his food and gulp his wine. The king finished his meal in record time.

"Did you still want to read the diary?" Arthur asked. "Gwen's spending time with Morgana tonight so we won't be disturbed."

"Sure," said Merlin with a shrug.

They went through their bedtime routine and and then Arthur and Merlin climbed into the king's bed together. Arthur made sure they were both comfortable before he read the next diary entry. He was looking forward to it, as it had been awhile since they'd done this. He loved learning about his mother and sharing that knowledge with Merlin. He picked up the book and began to speak.

_Diary Entry 8_

_I haven't written in this diary in so long. I lost it soon after my wedding, and I found it again when I really had need of it. Since I've last written, I've been married to Uther for a year and a half. Right after the wedding, I had my coronation and was crowned queen and legally recognized as Uther's consort. It was one of the happiest moments of my life, to take my place next to Uther on our thrones._

"That's a nice image," said Merlin. "I wish I could have been there to see it. I wish I could've been there to watch Uther rule with his beloved wife by his side."

"You and me both," said Arthur. "I wish I could've seen how my mother had such a positive affect on him." They read on.

_The first few months were like something from out of a dream. We grew so close – there was nothing that we couldn't solve together. Then, as the months slowly passed, I realized that I wasn't getting pregnant – and not from a lack of trying, I assure you! Uther told me not to worry, that it sometimes took awhile. But after a year passed, all I could do was worry. _

_Not knowing if it would happen was the worst part. I wanted a baby more than anything, not just for an heir but because I was ready to be a mother. I wanted to see a mini-Uther or mini-me running around the castle. I wanted to nuture the child, and teach them what they needed to know about life, love, and ruling a kingdom. Every night, I would wish that I would become pregnant. _

_When I didn't get my wish, I grew cold and distant and became a mere shell of who I was. I felt like a failure; I still do. It's my duty to bear Uther a child, and not being able to do that is putting a strain on our relationship. It is the worst at night, when I remember the whispers of the servants that say it's my fault that we haven't yet conceived. The tears begin and they don't stop. Uther holds me until I can cry no more, and then we try. _

"That sounds awful," said Merlin. "Your poor mother, having to feel all of that."

Arthur knew it was very close to what Merlin was feeling, and he was realizing that this may not have been such a great idea after all. But he thought it would soon turn into something uplifting so he continued to read.

_The royal physician has examined me and says that I am fit to be a mother, that there is nothing physically wrong with me. Uther and I don't know what to do. We have to have an heir – the safety of our fair kingdom depends on it. I won't allow our kingdom to be torn apart by war. Uther wants to fix it, wants to make me feel better, but he's not sure how._

_I'm secretly afraid that Uther's going to divorce me. Uther assures me that he'd never do that, that we'll find a way for us to have an heir, but I just don't see how. I would suggest using magic, but it's forbidden for royalty to use magic to conceive – something about their blood needing to be pure and untainted by outside forces. I love my husband more than anything and I'm afraid that I'm going to lose him. I hope that in the next entry I can announce that I've conceived, but I don't know if I'm destined for motherhood. I hope I am._

"Do you still want to keep reading right now?" Arthur asked. "This part is such a downer."

"Yes," said Merlin. So Arthur relented, and went on to the next entry.

_Diary Entry 9_

_It's been another month and I haven't conceived. I'm as depressed as ever. I go through the motions of my day, not feeling anything other than numbness or despair. I don't feel like eating hardly anything, but Uther insists. I don't have the energy to fight him on it. He tries to show me affection but I always pull away because I know I don't deserve it. I know my rejection hurts him, but I just cannot give in, not when I know he'll be leaving me soon. It will hurt less this way._

"My father would never divorce her," Arthur protested. "I don't understand why she's thinking would."

"I do," Merlin whispered. He couldn't shake the thought that Arthur would give up on him if he continued to struggle this much with his emotions. What if he was too much for Arthur to handle, and he had to choose between Merlin and his duty? Merlin knew he'd pick duty.

"I'm sorry, Merlin, did you say something?" Arthur asked, not hearing his sorcerer's whispered words.

"Never mind," said Merlin. "It wasn't important."

"Are you sure?"

"I was just talking to myself."

"Ah," said Arthur. Merlin did that all the time, so he thought nothing of it and went on to the next entry.

_Diary Entry 10_

_Uther is determined to do right by me. He decided that we should try to conceive using magic. I know it is killing him, going against the law and tainting the child's pure royal blood, but he said he'd rather do that then divorce me. I'm willing to try it this way, if it means I can stay married to Uther. I know I should feel guilty that we're breaking the law but I don't. Does that make me selfish? Probably._

"I don't think that makes her selfish," said Merlin. "If she hadn't agreed to use magic to conceive, you wouldn't be here."

"What a travesty that would've been," Arthur said sarcastically.

"It would be for me," Merlin said honestly. "If we'd never met, I would've gone through life missing half that makes me whole. You shouldn't joke about such things around me."

"I'm sorry," said Arthur, knowing he had to be extra sensitive to Merlin's needs right now, that even the slightest comment could hurt his feelings. "I'll try not to." He kept reading.

_Ruadhan has recommended a sorceress by the name of Nimueh, who has helped his family in the past. We asked Ruadhan why he couldn't perform the magic himself, but he informed us that only a woman could harness the powers of nature and create a life. Uther was nervous about letting a woman that he didn't know create our child, but I convinced him to trust Ruadhan's judgment. _

_I'm not exactly sure how this process will happen, but Nimueh told us that she would magically combine my essence with Uther's and implant it with my womb. I pray that it works, because if it doesn't, we're out of options._

"Well, that was really depressing," said Arthur, laying the book aside, not wanting to read any more. "Sorry. I thought this might help things."

"It's alright," said Merlin. "Maybe we should do something else."

"What did you have in mind?" Arthur asked, not expecting what kind of answer he might get to that question.

"Arthur, I want you," Merlin breathed. "It's been so long since we've…"

"I don't know," said Arthur, "I don't know if that would be such a good idea for you right now, with your, uh, unpredictable moods."

"I'll be fine," Merlin promised.

Arthur allowed Merlin to pull him down on the bed and began to kiss his neck. "Mmm," he breathed. "That feels good."

"Yeah? I can make you feel good, so good," Merlin promised, rubbing Arthur's crotch.

"You're not well, Merlin," Arthur gasped out as he thrust against Merlin's hand. "Something just doesn't -ah - feel right about this."

"You're over-thinking things," said Merlin, pulling away to strip down to his underwear. "Every day you shoulder so much responsibility. It must be exhausting. Let me take care of you, my king. I've thought of nothing else but your body all day."

"I don't want to take advantage of you," said Arthur, inwardly shivering at Merlin's words. Merlin calling Arthur his king in bed _really_ turned him on.

"You're not. I want this. Don't you want me?" His sorcerer asked coyly, as he slowly slid off his undergarments to reveal his impressive erection.

"Yes," Arthur breathed, noting that Merlin had never behaved in such a way before. He'd never once teased Arthur - it was always the other way around. Arthur liked it...a lot. "Alright, we can try it. But if I feel the slightest bit weird, we're stopping."

"I don't want to stop. I want to feel you plunge your cock inside me."

"Yesss," Arthur hissed. It had been a long time since they'd done this, too long. A little voice inside his head reminded him that Merlin had never used such vulgar language before, that he would normally blush at such things. But his need for Merlin overrode any small doubts he was having.

Merlin took Arthur into his mouth and all coherent thoughts left the king's brain. Merlin teased him, taking him to the brink of orgasm but stopping just before Arthur could come. Merlin released Arthur's cock with a small 'pop'.

"I want you to take me, Arthur," Merlin pleaded. "I want to feel it tomorrow."

"Yes," Arthur groaned. Merlin voicing his need to be dominated really did it for the king. A small part of him took pleasure in showing the often stubborn Merlin just who was the boss in their relationship.

He positioned himself over Merlin, who presented himself to Arthur. The king gulped, never before had Merlin done this, tempted him so much. Usually Merlin would be much too shy to do such a thing.

"Merlin you're killing me," Arthur groaned. "Where's the lube?"

Merlin seemed not to hear him - he just wantonly rubbed himself on the sheets.

"Come on, Merlin," said Arthur, starting to get slightly annoyed at having to wait. "Don't make me get up. Can't you just magic it over here?"

Merlin turned around to face his king. He took Arthur's hands and magic encircled them both. Instead of the regular comforting energy, it was charged with heat, and the intensity made Arthur's skin crawl.

"We don't need anything," Merlin offhandedly assured him. "Make it hurt, Arthur. Mark me as yours. Make me forget the sadness and anger, just for a bit."

Arthur's erection immediately flagged as he registered what Merlin was saying. He quickly pulled away, shocked by Merlin's words and the wild look in his eyes. Merlin's sanity was questionable. "Merlin, I could never hurt you."

"But I_ want_ you to," Merlin insisted. Arthur's blood ran cold at that. Something was obviously very , very wrong.

"Please, Arthur," Merlin begged. "I _need_ it."

"You don't know what you're saying," said Arthur as he began to dress. "Dammit. I never should've let you talk me into this."

"Why are you rejecting me?" Merlin looked like he was about to cry.

"I'm not! Trust me, I really look forward to the day when we can be intimate again when you are well. But until that day comes, I can't have sex with you."

"Am I not attractive to you anymore?"

"Of course you are!" Arthur assured him. "That's what's so hard! I hate stopping but…"

"Then don't," Merlin tried.

"Merlin," Arthur said sternly. "I can't take advantage of you in a situation like this. You're obviously not yourself."

"I am so!"

"No. Your magic – it didn't feel like it normally does. It was… strange."

"It wants you. It wants you to fuck me."

"Normally, that's not how your magic works. Can't you tell? You're being controlled by it! Merlin, the dark magic has got a hold on you. You have to stop it!"

"We just need to have sex, that's all. Then it will be sated." Merlin sounded so blasé, like he was talking about the weather.

"Merlin. Snap out of it!" Arthur tried.

"I see how it is. If you don't want to take me, I'll just have to take _you_." Merlin's predatory stare made Arthur's stomach churn with unease.

"No," Arthur said calmly. "You're not."

"I wish to fuck you. You will not deny me. It is my right."

Arthur's heart began to pound in terror. Merlin wouldn't go so far as to force him, would he?

He thought of calling for his guards, but Arthur had sent his guards away for the night, wanting time alone with Merlin. He was truly on his own. His fighting skills would be no match for Merlin's magic.

"You are mine, Arthur Pendragon. You _will _submit to me," Merlin snarled, his magic encircling them, slowly drawing Arthur towards the sorcerer.

"This isn't you, Merlin," Arthur said, as Merlin magically pulled him closer. "I don't want you! Not like this." Arthur couldn't move. If Merlin wanted to have his way with him, there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"I'll make you want it," Merlin purred, gently stroking Arthur's cheek. "I'll make you _beg_ for it."

Arthur recoiled from Merlin's deceptively soft touch. "Release me. Now!"

But Merlin ignored Arthur's pleas. He magicked Arthur's pants away, and crawled on top of the king. He positioned him to take Arthur, with nothing to ease the way. His eyes flared with golden lust, and his hands began to shake as they gripped Arthur's hips.

"Merlin! I'm telling you to _STOP_!" A tear trickled down Arthur's face. He couldn't believe that Merlin was going to do this, to sully what they had. Fear took over him and he wished with all his might that Merlin would stop, not only so he wouldn't be hurt but because Arthur knew it would kill Merlin to remember what had happened when the dark magic left him.

Merlin frowned, watching as the tear ran down the king's cheek and disappear on to the bedspread. Arthur was telling him to stop. This was important, wasn't it? Arthur sounded like he was in pain. Merlin didn't want anyone to hurt Arthur. His

eyes blinked three times, and the golden flare died out.

"Arthur?" Merlin asked, coming back to himself. He was genuinely confused. "What's going on? Why am I holding you down? Why are we naked?"

"You're trying to force yourself on me with dark magic!" Arthur yelled, pushing Merlin aside and running towards the door.

"What? No!" Merlin exclaimed. "I wouldn't do that!"

"Yeah? That's what I thought before today," Arthur said bitterly as he grabbed his trousers and pulled them on. "Your magic took hold of me. I had no way of defending myself."

"Please tell me I didn't hurt you." Merlin sounded anxious.

"You didn't. You stopped just in time," Arthur said.

"But I almost…" Merlin gulped. It was too horrible to think about.

Arthur's look of terror confirmed Merlin's fear. "I'm going to get Morgana," said Arthur, needing an excuse to escape the room.

"No, don't!" Merlin pleaded. "I don't want her to know what I did."

"Merlin, you need help - immediately! Hopefully she'll know how to help you."

"Arthur, wait! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to!" Merlin cried, his eyes filling with tears. "Please believe me."

The king stared at him with sad eyes. All sorts of negative thoughts were swirling around in his head. He wanted to reassure Merlin that it was going to be alright, but he didn't know what to believe at the moment. He never thought that his sweet Merlin would ever use his magic like this. But he had.

"I know that, Merlin," Arthur said quietly. "But I can't handle this by myself anymore."

Merlin nodded. "Do you still love me?"

"I don't know what to think right now," Arthur said honestly.

"You swore that nothing would ever make you leave me."

"That was before this happened!" Arthur cried. "I've got to get out of here."

Arthur left the room, and Merlin crumpled to the floor. The young warlock couldn't believe what he'd almost done. He'd almost raped the love of his life! He was overwhelmed by a great sadness. How could he have behaved in such a way? What was wrong with him? What was making him so wild with lust that he almost did the unthinkable?

Then the shame surfaced, and Merlin began to sob quietly. Even now, a part of him still wanted Arthur. He curled into a ball, hugging himself as he recalled how he wanted to dominate his king. What was going to happen to him now? How could his and Arthur's destiny come true if he'd just destroyed their relationship for good? Merlin lay there, consumed by dark thoughts and wondering if Arthur would ever forgive him.

End Chapter 29

.~.

A/N: Sorry it was so dark. It will get better, I promise.


	31. Changes For The Better

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind.

.~.

Chapter 30: Changes For The Better

.~.

Arthur tore through the halls of the castle, heading straight for Morgana's room. He was shaking, in shock from what had just happened. He couldn't believe that Merlin had almost tried to rape him! Even with dark magic having a hold on him, Arthur didn't believe that Merlin was capable of such a thing, but he'd been wrong. He'd never felt so powerless than when Merlin used his magic to pin him down. In that moment, Arthur knew there was nothing he could do to stop the inevitable from happening. It had been up to Merlin whether Arthur was taken by force or no. Merlin had stopped himself just in time, but Arthur couldn't get over the wild, lustful expression that had surfaced on the normally mild-mannered sorcerer. It had looked like Merlin was _enjoying _seeing Arthur so helpless and afraid. That had frightened Arthur most of all.

When the dark magic had finally left Merlin and his level-headed sorcerer resurfaced, he'd been so apologetic but Arthur wasn't ready to forgive him. He'd had quite a traumatic experience, and he didn't know if he'd ever get over it.

Merlin had asked if he still loved him, and Arthur had said that he didn't know. The king knew that his response had deeply hurt Merlin, but it had been an honest response. The fact remained that Merlin had broken Arthur's trust. Arthur truly didn't know if he'd be able to look at Merlin in the same way again. What if, when he looked at his sorcerer, he could only see the evil inside? What if he saw Merlin's dark persona winning out? How could they ever be intimate if all Arthur saw was a monster?

The king was so lost in thought that he didn't see Morgana heading straight for him.

"Arthur!" Morgana exclaimed. "I just had a horrible dream about Merlin forcing himself on you. Did this happen?"

"No," Arthur said heavily. "He stopped himself just in time."

"Thank goodness!" said Gwen, who arrived close behind Morgana. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that!" She pulled her still shaking husband in for a hug. Arthur held on tight, not allowing the tears to come but finding comfort in Gwen's arms. After Gwen released him, Morgana hugged him and Arthur enjoyed the familiarity of the woman that he regarded as a sister.

"We're going to help you, Arthur," Gwen vowed. "And Merlin."

Arthur looked so lost at that moment. He didn't know how anyone could help him. Then he remembered why he was running down the hall in the first place.

"Morgana, I was coming to find you," said Arthur. "You're the only one with magic that is even close to the power that Merlin has. You've got to do something to save him from himself."

"I can," Morgana promised. "In my dream, I Saw that something in Merlin's room was cursed and that's why he's been infected with dark magic."

"That explains it," Arthur whispered. It helped knowing that Merlin wasn't completely responsible for his own actions, but his trust with Merlin was still broken. "What was it that was cursed?"

"I don't know," said Morgana, sounding apologetic. "I woke up before I could find out. All I know is, we've _got _to get Merlin out of that room."

"Agreed," said Arthur. "Well, good luck with that."

"You're not coming?" Morgana asked.

"Are you mad?" Arthur yelped. "I can't see Merlin right now, not after what he's done to me."

"Please?" Gwen asked. "If we can't get Merlin to leave the room, we'll need your help. I know that deep down you still care about what happens to him."

"All you have to do is wait outside the doors," said Morgana. "We'll call if we need you."

Arthur paused for a few moments, thinking it over. Then he nodded at them. He knew that the women had used his love for Merlin to manipulate him into doing what they wanted, and he didn't appreciate that. Still, he followed them back to his chambers. Gwen and Morgana slipped inside and Arthur stood outside the door to his chambers, listening carefully to what was happening within.

As soon as the women entered the king's chambers they heard a noise coming from the adjoining room. Morgana and Gwen exchanged worried glances and then hurried into the adjoining room. They found Merlin curled up into a ball on the floor, sobbing his heart out.

"Get away from me!" He cried, scooting away from them into the far corner of the room. "I might hurt you too."

"Merlin, it's alright," Morgana said, getting down onto the floor on his level.

"No it's not! It will never be alright again," Merlin sobbed. "You don't know what I almost did to Arthur."

"We know," said Gwen, kneeling down beside him, and gently touching his shoulder with her hand. Merlin flinched but allowed the friendly touch. "But we know it wasn't your fault."

"How do you know?" Merlin asked, his eyes wide with fear.

"I Saw it," Morgana informed him. "I saw you possessed by dark magic, and it looked to me like you were going to take advantage of Arthur in bed."

"But Arthur told us that you didn't go through with it," Gwen quickly added.

"I didn't!" Merlin insisted. "The dark magic left me just in time. I was able to defeat it temporarily. When I saw Arthur cry, it touched something deep within me. Thankfully, I was able to come to my senses before I did something truly horrible."

"We need to get you out of this room, Merlin," said Morgana.

"Why?"

"Because there's a cursed object in here that's affecting you, that's consuming you with dark magic."

"What?" Merlin began to calm down when he heard that. "How do you know?"

"I Saw it," Morgana confirmed. "But I'm not sure what it is, so Gwen's going to search the entire room for anything out of the ordinary. But you need to get out of here. I'm pretty sure that being in close proximity with the object is what's affecting you."

"Alright," Merlin agreed sadly, misinterpreting her words as he stood up. "I'll find somewhere else to live."

"No, that's not what we mean," Morgana clarified.

"That's the last thing we want," Gwen added. "Merlin, this is your home. You're needed here!"

"I should leave, even if it's just for awhile," said Merlin, sounding more certain. "At least until I get this dark magic thing sorted out. I can't stay here knowing what I almost did to Arthur." He walked out of his bedroom into the main chamber with the women following behind him.

"Morgana, I'm going to look for the object," Gwen informed her, leaving Morgana alone with Merlin in the king's chamber.

"Merlin, once we locate and destroy the object, you can start on the path to recovery," said Morgana. "You'll be back to yourself, but it will take time. How much time, I don't know."

"Even if that were to happen, I could never face Arthur," Merlin said quietly. "I'll bet he never wants to see me again. If he didn't, I wouldn't blame him. If our places were reversed, I'd feel the same."

"Why don't you ask him?" Morgana offered. "He's just outside the door."

"He's here?" Merlin trembled. "No! I can't be near him! I might lose it again! Please, get him out of here so I can leave."

"You're not going to lose it while I am here," Morgana said firmly. "I wouldn't let that happen, Merlin."

"Morgana, don't!" Merlin pleaded as Morgana went to open the door.

"Merlin, I need you to trust me."

Merlin eventually nodded so Morgana went to the door to bring Arthur inside. But when she opened the door, there was no one there.

"Damn you, Arthur!" Morgana cursed at the empty hall. She didn't think that Arthur was one to run from this, but she supposed what had happened had affected him more than she'd realized.

"I'm glad he's not there," said Merlin, relieved. He repeated, "I can't face him right now."

"Fine," Morgan conceded. "But you'll have to face him sometime."

"I know," Merlin sighed. "I just don't know what I would say. There's nothing I could say that will fix this."

"Tell him that it wasn't you that did it to him. Remind him of how powerful the dark magic is."

"But it _was _me," Merlin trembled. "I should've been able to control myself."

"Merlin," Morgana said sternly. "Anyone who had been exposed to dark magic for so long would have the potential to do what you did. The fact that you stopped shows how much you love Arthur. You were able to defeat the dark magic within you, and that's a tremendous accomplishment."

"It doesn't matter." Merlin looked down at the floor. "I've alienated Arthur for good. He said that he didn't know if he loved me anymore."

"He was scared," Morgana insisted. "He needs time to come to his senses, to process what happened. I know he'll come around."

"I can't continue our relationship. He deserves someone better," Merlin lamented.

"That's not true. Stop feeling sorry for yourself," Morgana insisted. "It's not helping you."

"I just lost the love of my life! I think I'm allowed to feel bad!" Merlin cried.

"You didn't lose him," Morgana countered. "Well maybe temporarily, but-"

"He'll never forgive me, Morgana," Merlin interrupted her. "Never. And I don't blame him."

"Merlin, you're only thinking about the worst case scenario," Morgana pointed out.  
"Arthur's not going to leave you for something you did while under a spell. Give him a little more credit than that!"

"You didn't see his face when I finally realized what I was doing." A look of anguish showed on Merlin's face. "He never wants to see me again."

Morgana scoffed at him. "You're being ridiculous…"

.~.

While Merlin and Morgana were arguing, Gwen searched high and low for the mysterious enchanted object. She checked all the obvious places, the chest of drawers, the wardrobe, and behind the drapes. Then she got down on her hands and knees, as she often did when cleaning rooms during her days as a servant. When she reached Merlin's bed, she looked underneath it, not seeing anything out of place. But then she crawled underneath and looked up at the bed frame. She wasn't positive but she thought she saw something tucked away above the slats of wood. She reached up between the slats, and pulled out a pouch of some kind. It looked like it was full of herbs, but she knew better.

She immediately recognized the pouch for what it was. Merlin had healed Gwen's father with a poultice that looked like this one. She figured that this one held the dark magic that had been slowly infecting Merlin for the past weeks. Gwen was so glad that she'd locate the object so they'd be able to help Merlin!

"I found it!" Gwen announced, running out of the room and showing the poultice to Merlin and Morgana.

"That's it?" Merlin wrinkled his nose. "_That's_ the single reason why my emotions have been so intense?"

"It's a start. I dreamed that there was more than one object. I'm sure there are more," Morgana insisted.

Gwen nodded and returned to Merlin's room. Sure enough, she found four other poultices under the bed.

"Here they are," she announced, holding them in the folds of her dress.

"Are you sure that's all of them?" Morgana cautioned.

"I'm sure," said Gwen. "I searched every nook and cranny. Believe me, there's nothing else out of place in Merlin's room."

"No wonder the physicians couldn't detect anything," said Morgana. "There hadn't been a spell directly cast on you."

"The poultices must be destroyed, immediately," said Merlin.

"I don't know," said Morgana. "What if we saved them to use on our enemies?"

"Would that even work?" Merlin asked. "What if this spell was specifically meant for me?"

"No, it works on whoever's around it the most," said Gwen. "Remember when I slept in Merlin's room that one night and the next morning I was really grouchy? I think we'd be able to use it on others."

"I'd never wish that on anyone," Merlin said wearily.

"Not even if they were planning on killing Arthur?" Morgana asked.

"Use it! Use it!" Merlin exclaimed.

"We will," Morgana said. "I'm not sure in what capacity yet, but it could be a powerful weapon for us."

"Very well," said Merlin. "I think we should hide them in the vaults for now until we decide what to do with them.

"Good idea," said Gwen. "How about I stay here and keep Merlin company?"

Morgana got the hint. She left to take the poultices to the vaults and keep them hidden in a place that only she knew about.

This left Merlin alone with Gwen, which made Merlin very nervous. He didn't think he should be left alone with anyone until his magic was completely under control. What if he snapped again?

"Merlin, you need to relax," said Gwen, settling down in the king's bed. "The worst is over now that the poultices have been removed from your vicinity."

"Is it?" Merlin wondered. "I don't know how long it will take before I'm free of this spell."

"I'll bet you'll feel at least somewhat better tomorrow. Come up here with me." Gwen patted the space next to her.

Merlin shook his head. "I don't deserve to be on Arthur's bed."

Gwen sighed. "Right now it's my bed, and I want you to get in it with me." Merlin was still hesitant.

"Oh, come on!" Gwen said. "You're not going to hurt _me_."

"That's what I thought about Arthur," said Merlin but he climbed on the bed anyway. Gwen settled against the headboard with a pillow behind her for comfort. She motioned for Merlin to lay down and scoot back towards her. She had him lay his head in her lap, his head just shy of touching the swell of her pregnant belly.

"What are you going to do?" Merlin worried.

"I'm going to help you relax." Gwen started to gently scratch his head, threading her fingers through his thick, dark hair. "I used to do this to Lancelot after he had a hard day's training."

They just lay there, with Gwen massaging Merlin's scalp. He couldn't help but to start to relax. Just having someone touch his head was incredibly soothing. He could feel his thumping heart begin to return to normal. His head began to clear, and he started to think a little more rationally.

"Feels nice," Merlin mumbled.

"I'm glad," said Gwen. "Now that you're more relaxed, let's see if we can't figure out who did this to you."

"You mean who put the poultices in my room?" said Merlin

"Yes," said the queen, continuing to massage his head. "I imagine it would be someone who has magic, and connections with those who could provide him or her with the poultices. It could be someone that we trust, someone that we never suspect.

"It would more than likely be someone who works in the castle, either a guard or a servant," Merlin postulated. "They would have access to the king's chambers."

"Yes, but they'd have to go through Rowan to get it," said Gwen. "He's the only one who has the key."

Gwen and Merlin stared at each other, both having the same terrible thought. "What if it's Rowan?" Gwen voiced. "We might've been overlooking him this whole time."

"I don't want to believe it," said Merlin, starting to get a bit agitated. "He _idolizes _me. He might've played a prank on those knights, but I know that deep down, he's good person. Why would he ever want to harm me?"

"I don't know," said Gwen, "but everything fits. I think we should question him." Gwen watched to see if Merlin would be able to calm himself. Thankfully, he did. The young warlock took a few deep breaths and let them out slowly. Then he uttered a few words, that Gwen recognized as a calming spell.

"Agreed," said Merlin, his breath having returned to normal. "I have to know if it was him or not."

"Let's do it tomorrow," said Gwen. "It's getting really late."

Merlin moved to get up but Gwen stopped him. "I don't think either of us wants to sleep alone tonight, do you?" She knowingly asked him.

"No," Merlin admitted. "But if I'm here, where will Arthur go?"

"I'm sure Morgana will find a place for him," said Gwen. "Try not to worry, Merlin."

But the young warlock could do nothing but. He lay awake, listening to Gwen's gentle snores as he envisioned Arthur turning him out of the castle for good.

.~.

_In another part of the castle_

After Morgana safely delivered the poultices to the vaults, she returned to her chambers to find Arthur pacing the length of them.

"You should sleep, Arthur," said Morgana. "You can have my bed."

"I won't prevent a lady from sleeping in her own bed," said the king. "Besides, I'm really not that tired."

"I don't think pacing's going to help," said Morgana.

"You're right. I need something to do."

He decided to go down to the dungeons to speak with Sir Caradoc, who was being held for killing Bruin. Perhaps this time he'd be able to give Arthur some useful information. After bidding Morgana goodnight, he stalked through the corridors, thankfully meeting no one. Questioning Caradoc would definitely take his mind off of… Arthur didn't want to think about _him _right now.

"I need to see Sir Caradoc," Arthur announced after he descended the stairs to the bowels of the castle.

"Right away, Sire!" The young guard on duty hurried to open the cell and waited at attention outside. Arthur went in and found the older knight sitting on the cold ground with his hands clasped around his knees.

"Your majesty," Caradoc said weakly. "It is such an honor to-"

"Don't bother with flattery. It will get you nowhere." Arthur waved his hand and cut him off. "I'm here to ask if you have any more information that you haven't told us about Bruin's murder."

"As I told you before, I stabbed him," said Caradoc. "I'm not proud of it, but I know I didn't do it of my own free will. Someone put a spell on me."

"Yes, that's what you said last time," said Arthur. "If there's nothing new…" Arthur turned towards the exit.

"No, wait!" Caradoc called. "It took a few hours for the spell to wear off. Now, I remember exactly what happened."

"Go on," said Arthur, turning back towards the imprisoned knight.

"Last night, I went to the Rising Sun tavern," said Caradoc. "I was meeting a contact that said he had an easy job for me. He promised that he would pay handsomely, so I agreed to meet with him. He kept his face hidden, but since I needed the money, I didn't question him."

"Why would you need money?" Arthur asked. "You're a noble."

"I've squandered away most of my inheritance through gambling," Caradoc admitted. "And with the drought, the crops on my estate have mostly died. If I didn't earn some money quickly, I was told I would lose my estate. I was desperate for money, Sire.."

"Why didn't you come to me?" Arthur wondered. "I would've help you get back on your feet."

"I guess my pride got in the way," Caradoc said softly. "I didn't want to admit that I had lost almost all of my wealth. I would've been disgraced if the other nobles found out."

"I would've kept your secret," Arthur insisted.

"I didn't want to accept charity from the king."

"Then I would've given you a loan," said Arthur. He shook his head. "I suppose it doesn't matter now. Tell me about the spell."

"The man convinced me to follow him outside behind the tavern. Then he placed his hand on my shoulder and uttered some words I didn't understand. Then he gave me the dagger and told me that I was to murder Bruin the next morning. He told me exactly how he wanted it done, then forbade me from telling anyone what I was going to do." Caradoc swallowed hard. It had not been an easy memory to recall. "My mind went blissfully blank after that."

"I see," said Arthur, folding his arms across his chest. "How am I supposed to know if you're telling the truth?"

"I don't know, Sire," Caradoc said, sounding miserable.

"I have an idea!" said a voice from outside the cell.

Arthur and Caradoc exchanged shrugs. "Excuse me?" The king went to go see who it was. It was the guard outside, who was looking a little sheepish at having spoken up.

"Did you say something?" Arthur asked.

"Ahem. Yes, Sire," said the guard. "You see, I have magic, so I would be able to tell if he was telling the truth. You see, I can feel the magical residue around someone's body if they've had a spell cast on them." The guard was feeling a little embarrassed at addressing the king, especially talking about his magic. True, Arthur had reversed the ban, but he didn't know what the king's personal feelings about magic users were. Sometimes when he talked to other non magic people about his gift, it made them uncomfortable.

"Right," said Arthur, not really understanding the specifics, but as a good judge of character he was willing to trust what the man said. "Why aren't you at the school?"

The guard colored. "I would love to attend the magic school but my family can't afford to send me. I need to work to be able to provide for them."

"I see," said Arthur, wondering if there were others like this guard who had magic but weren't receiving instruction. "What's your name?"

"It's Galahad, my king," the guard said with a little bow.

"Well, Galahad," Arthur said with a smile, "I'd appreciate it if you'd come take a look at Sir Caradoc."

The young man nodded, and followed Arthur into the cell. Galahad approached Sir Caradoc and touched his clothed shoulder.

"What is the meaning of this?" Caradoc exclaimed, jerking away from the guard.

"He has magic," Arthur said simply. "He's going to either confirm or deny your story about being under a spell."

Caradoc looked appalled. "You would trust the word of a guard over one of your knights?"

"To be fair, you were made a knight under my father," said Arthur, deciding that being polite was overrated and he was just going to say how he felt. "If it were up to me, I probably wouldn't have allowed you to become one, considering how you've behaved towards magic users."

Caradoc sputtered out an excuse. "I may not trust magic users, but believe me I never wanted to kill one of them."

"My king, he was telling the truth," said Galahad. "His body bears the slight residue of dark magic. He's had a spell cast on him very recently."

"Thank you, Galahad," said Arthur. "I appreciate your help."

The guard smiled, warmed by the compliment. Then, realizing he was being stared at, he quickly left the two men alone in the cell.

Caradoc turned to the king and asked, "Are you going to have me killed, even though I wasn't acting of my own volition?"

"I don't know. Even though you were under a spell, you _were _responsible for Bruin's death," said Arthur. To be fair, he had no intentions of killing the man, but he took a lot of pleasure in scaring him. "If you hadn't gotten mixed up with such a shady character, Bruin would still be alive."

"That fact still haunts me," said Caradoc. "Please, your majesty. Have mercy!"

Arthur regarded him coldly. "You still killed a man. I'll let that haunt you for at least a little while longer while I decide what to do with you."

He left a subdued Caradoc behind. Arthur was about to go back upstairs when he remembered the guard that had magic. He did an about face and turned back to the guard.

"Galahad, I wanted to ask you something."

"Yes, Sire?" Galahad looked pleased to be addressed by the king once again.

"Are there a lot of other people who have magic but aren't attending the school due to financial reasons?" Arthur pressed.

Galahad nodded. "I know of at least twelve of us. There are probably more. Some are farmers, some are merchants. A few work in the castle. We all were accepted into the school, but we couldn't devote our time to studying magic, no matter how much we wanted to."

"Thank you," said Arthur.

"You're welcome," said Galahad, wondering why Arthur had asked such a question. He had no idea that Arthur was thrilled that he had discovered an unknown group of people that could help defend Camelot when the dark wizards came to attack.

.~.

Arthur wandered around the castle corridors, not going anyplace in particular. He was intrigued by Galahad's information. Perhaps he could start some sort of scholarship program for those with magic who couldn't afford to attend the school. They could pay the king back by agreeing to serve in a magical force that would protect the kingdom. It was an idea worth considering.

Eventually, Arthur began to grow tired. He didn't know where he could sleep. He wasn't going to turn Morgana out of her bed, nor was he keen to return to his own chambers because he'd have to see Merlin. The only thought that came to mind was to sleep into the stables for a few hours. He knew there were many people in the kingdom who slept in worse conditions. He figured he'd catch a few hours of sleep, wake up at dawn, and return to the castle without anyone finding out where he'd slept. He found an empty stall, and settled down on the straw to rest. But the straw was scratchy, and Arthur wasn't used to sleeping on such an uncomfortable surface. The king didn't fall asleep until the sun began to rise.

A few hours later, he was found by one of the stablehands.

"Your majesty?" The boy asked tentatively, shaking the king to get him to wake up.

"Yes," said Arthur with a yawn. Then he took in his surroundings and he took in the sight of the peasant boy. "Ah. I seem to have fallen asleep in the stables," he realized. "I'd really appreciate it if you didn't mention this to anyone."

"My lips are sealed," said the boy. "I'm sorry to disturb your sleep, Sire, but we've been looking for you everywhere. There's been an emergency meeting of the council called."

"Very well," said Arthur, stretching and pulling himself together. "I'll get back up to the castle right away." He knew he probably looked a sight after sleeping in the straw. Arthur took a few minutes to rake through his hair and pluck out the straw that had ended up taking residence there. He flattened his hair as best he could, shrugged, and headed to the throne room. He was sleep-deprived, hungry, and he just didn't care about his appearance right now, which was usually so important to him.

Arthur made his way to the throne room, and confidently strode in as if he'd meant to be this late. He had barely taken a seat before a messenger came before him. Arthur motioned for him to speak.

"Sire, we have terrible news from across the kingdom. The druid camp has been attacked by dark wizards!"

There was a collective gasp from the council members. While they had no love for the druids, the announcement about the dark wizards frightened them.

The messenger continued on. "Several of the men are dead, and their houses have been burned to the ground. They've lost everything, including their harvest."

Everyone who was present looked to Arthur to see what he would do. The king decided to go with his first thought, which was rather unorthodox.

"Invite them all to Camelot. We'll take care of them," Arthur vowed.

Naturally, this announcement was met by much outrage.

"But, Sire!" One of the old men exclaimed. "We can't play host to an entire community of magic users. We don't know these people! We don't know if we can trust them. They could steal from us, they could put spells on us…"

"Besides, there is no room for them in the castle," another man added.

"There will be tomorrow," Arthur said cheerfully. "You see, I'm going to do something I should've done a long time ago. I'm disbanding the council. With the exception of Geoffrey, of course." He looked at Geoffrey and nodded. "His advice is usually helpful, or at least well meaning. The rest of you just try to block everything that I wish to do to help my people. I tried to be patient with you, but it's clear to me now that you aren't needed. You're history!"

"You can't do that!" One of the council members insisted. "You'll be no better than a dictator, with unchecked power."

"I won't be going unchecked," Arthur said with a grin. "I'm going to build a new council, one that includes, my wife, the Lady Morgana, and twelve of my most trusted knights."

"We won't let you do this!" The first man threatened.

"I'm the king, and I'm afraid you have no more say in the matter," said Arthur. "I'm giving you all twenty-four hours to vacate the castle. You all have summer homes or other places where you can live. If you aren't gone by then, you will be forcibly removed. This council is dismissed," said Arthur. "_Forever_," he added under his breath.

Arthur felt like he was floating on a cloud as he left the throne room. He'd spoken to Gwen about ridding them of these old, stubborn men for good, and she'd encouraged him to do it, but he never thought it was the right time. But now, he'd finally had the courage to get rid of the men who had been a thorn in his side from the moment he assumed the crown. He was the king, and he had the power to surround himself with people who also believed in a fair, shining vision for Camelot and its citizens. He couldn't wait to tell Merlin, who would be thrilled that he'd sacked the old bags.

Then Arthur remembered what had happened between him and Merlin, and his good mood slowly evaporated. He still didn't want to see Merlin. He didn't know how to act around him, and he didn't want to make things worse between them. The king didn't know what to do next. He wanted to return to his chambers, but was afraid he'd run into Merlin there.

But Arthur's hunger won out, and he headed for his chambers. He knew that his breakfast should still be waiting for him there. He realized he was being silly. This was his castle and he could go anywhere he pleased. If he saw Merlin, he'd just order him to leave his sight.

"Arthur," Gwen greeted him with a grim smile as he entered his rooms. "Where have you been?"

"Is he here?" Arthur asked, anxiously looking around.

"No," said the queen, knowing exactly who Arthur meant. "He left right after breakfast. He's gone to summon Rowan about-"

"Good. I don't want to talk about him right now," said Arthur, cutting her off in his excitement to tell her about what he'd just done. "But I do want to tell you that I finally chucked the council. That's where I've been."

"That's wonderful," said Gwen, trying to be genuinely happy but finding it difficult due to the Merlin situation. "But who are you going to replace them with?"

"Well, I'm keeping Geoffrey," Arthur informed her as he sat down and began to eat his breakfast. Between bites of his sweet roll, he told Gwen who he wanted on his new council. "Besides him, I'm going to have you, Morgana, and twelve of my best knights. They are to be my most trusted advisors."

Gwen just stared at Arthur. He had omitted his court sorcerer from his list.

"Will my brother be one of the knights?" Gwen said finally, not daring to comment about Merlin.

"Yes," said Arthur. "Elyan, and then Gwaine, Percival, and Leon. I'm not sure who else, but I was thinking that-"

He was interrupted by a loud knock at the door. "Your majesty?"

It was his personal guard. Arthur knew he wouldn't be interrupting them unless it was absolutely necessary.

"Enter," said Arthur.

The guard came in and uncomfortably cleared his throat. "Sire, you have a visitor in the throne room. It's urgent that you speak with this man."

"I see," said Arthur. "Why does he wish to see me?"

"He says he's a friend of both you and the queen. I shouldn't say more, Sire, other than I think the queen should be there as well."

Gwen and Arthur exchanged a concerned glance. In an unkingly fashion, Arthur stuffed the rest of his roll into his mouth before leaving his chambers.

The guard escorted the king and queen to the throne room, watching as they experienced one of the most shocking events of their lives. Standing before them, dressed in bloody rags, was Lancelot.

.~.

End Chapter 30

A/N: I know, I know! I brought Lancelot back! YAY! Remember, I said that the body was never found. That means he could still be alive! It's always suspicious when the body is never found. Hope you guys are excited that Lance has returned.

Also, I looked up how many knights were a part of the round table and I found between 12 and 25. I went with the least amount of knights, because that's still a LOT of people to have on the council.


	32. True Loves Reunited

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind.

.~.

Chapter 31: True Loves Reunited

.~.

_(Recap)_

_The guard escorted the king and queen to the throne room, watching as they experienced one of the most shocking events of their lives. Standing before them, dressed in bloody rags, was Lancelot._

.~.

One half hour earlier

Merlin summoned Rowan to the king's chambers, to speak to him about the poultices. He wasn't exactly sure how to go about it. He didn't want to make it seem like an interrogation, even though that was exactly what it was.

The boy entered the king's chambers, carrying Merlin's breakfast. "I didn't know if you wanted this early or not, so I brought it just in case. What was it that you wanted to see me about?"

Merlin told himself that he couldn't be taken in by Rowan's innocent look. However, the evidence was stacked against Rowan, and Merlin couldn't ignore that. It had only occasionally happened, but Merlin had been duped before. But if Rowan _was _the guilty party, Merlin didn't understand why his student wish to harm him. As far as Merlin knew, Rowan revered the court sorcerer for causing the ban on magic to be overturned.

"I found out what was infecting me with dark magic," Merlin stated. "There were five poultices under the bed, and all were laced with dark magic so that the person exposed to them would eventually lose control of their emotions. You're the only one who comes in here to clean. Do you know anything about this?"

"N-no," Rowan stammered.

"Have you let anyone else in here?" Merlin pressed, closely watching his student for any tell tale signs of lying.

"I've brought a few girls in here before," said Rowan after a few moments. He nervously chewed on his lip, and didn't quite meet Merlin's eyes.

"What were their names?" Merlin asked.

"Uh…" Rowan swallowed hard. "I don't remember."

"One of them must've been the person who brought in the poultices," said Merlin.

"Yes, that must be who was behind it," Rowan agreed, sounding relieved. "Can I go now?"

"No. I don't believe you," Merlin said quietly. "You're lying to me. What I don't know is why."

Rowan was silent.

"Things will go better for you if you confess," said Merlin.

"According to our new justice system, you can't do anything to me without proof," said Rowan.

"Well, then it's very fortunate that I found one of your red hairs next to the poultices," Merlin said pleasantly, lying through his teeth.

"What?" Rowan gulped.

"We know it was you," Merlin bluffed. "As it stands, your head will roll for treason. However, if you confess, perhaps Arthur will give you a lighter sentence."

Rowan's shoulders slumped. He looked defeated. "Yes. I planted the poultices."

"Why did you do it, Rowan?" Merlin asked quietly. "What did I do to you to make you want to harm me?"

Rowan glared at his teacher. "I did this on my uncle's orders. He said that you're holding us back, that you're only teaching us defensive spells so that we don't all band together, attack, and overthrow you. He says you're not letting us reach our potential."

"That's not true at all," said Merlin, wondering what kind of hold that Rowan's uncle had over him to make him believe something so ridiculous. "We'll get to attacking spells eventually, but I don't believe that my students are ready to handle such tricky and possibly deadly magic. But I know that can't be the only reason. What else?"

"My uncle has wanted revenge on Uther for as long as I can remember, to take the throne from him as payment for the death of his family and friends in the purge. Also, because Uther made him and all of us with the gift have to hide it. But Uther died before he was able to gather enough followers to take over. You see, Uther is responsible for the death of my father - my uncle's brother - during the purge." Rowan swallowed hard. "My mother survived long enough to give birth to me, but then died of a broken heart after she lost my father. Since Uther has died, my uncle has vowed to rid Camelot of the Pendragon line."

"Why would you want to kill Arthur?" Merlin didn't understand. "He's done nothing but help the magical community."

"It's what my parents wanted," Rowan recited, as if from memory. "I promised to help fulfill their dying wishes."

"But you know Arthur, and me. Why would you go against those who have your best interests at heart? We've done nothing but help magical folk. "

"That was before I found out that Arthur was unfit to be king, and you unfit for your public position. My uncle showed me via scrying bowl the truth behind your relationship. I saw you take Arthur on the throne." Rowan shuddered as he remembered the graphic scene. "I can't serve a king who allowed to be buggered on the throne!"

Merlin sighed. He should've known that that act would come back to haunt him. "That was a very private moment, Rowan. It shouldn't have any bearing on Arthur's ability to rule the kingdom."

"It shows that his judgment was impaired if he was having relations with someone other than his wife in a public setting. Imagine what the people would do if they found out that Arthur was cheating."

Merlin sighed. He should've known that that act would come back to haunt him. It was technically true, Arthur was cheating on Gwen by being in a relationship with Merlin.

"I know you don't like the idea of two men being together," said Merlin. "But in everything else, Arthur has been an exemplary ruler. Why would you want to replace him with your uncle, who uses dark magic?"

"My uncle promised me a position of power once he overthrew Arthur and assumed the throne," Rowan admitted. "All my life, I've wanted to be special. But I was just a disappointment to my uncle, as his real sons had more magical abilities than me. He never let me forget it. I could tell he didn't love me the way that he loved his own sons. I came to Camelot to start a new life, away from my family. But when you gave me the serving job to Arthur, I suddenly became important to my uncle. I went home to visit my family and my uncle reopened my eyes to the truth, that you and Arthur were unfit to lead this land."

"Your uncle's been trying to kill Arthur since before he was crowned king. He sent the two dark wizards to try and kill Arthur months ago," Merlin realized. "When he failed, he changed tactics, and sent the poultices to affect me, the person who had saved Arthur's life from his assassins. Was he aslo behind the death of the witchfinder and the subsequent threat on Camelot that we had to keep from the public?"

"Why should I tell you?" Rowan said nastily, confirming Merlin's suspicion.

That was when they heard a squeak. Merlin recognized the sound right away, as Arthur's room had been infested with rats before. He listened carefully and realized there was a rat under the floor. He then cast a sticking charm on Rowan, which stuck his clothed back against the wall.

"I wouldn't try anything if I were you," Merlin warned. "I can do much worse than just a sticking charm."

Rowan cursed under his breath but made no threats against Merlin. The young warlock attended to the rat by peeled back a red and gold throw rug that had covered most of the room. What he uncovered was a secret compartment in the floorboards. Apparently this room held yet another secret of Ygraine's.

"What's this?" Merlin wondered aloud as he magically pried open the floor boards. He saw the rat first, who had gotten his paw stuck. Merlin freed the rat, then placed a spell around the floor so the rat could run around fenced in by invisible magical barriers. He would set the rat loose outside when he was finished with Rowan.

What Merlin found hidden beneath the floorboards made him gasp with surprise. He pulled out a large painting that was obviously created by the same artist who'd made the portrait of a young Uther and Ygraine smiling up at each other. This painting also featured Uther and Ygraine, but it also included another happy couple. Both men stood with their arms around their very pregnant wives. Immediately, Merlin recognized the unknown man. There was no mistaking that curly red hair or the shape of the man's face. Clearly, this man was Rowan's father. Merlin assumed that the woman he was holding was Rowan's mother.

Wordlessly, Merlin handed the painting to Rowan so he could see it for himself.

"That's my parents!" Rowan exclaimed. "But what are they doing in a painting with King Uther and his wife?"

"I don't know," said Merlin. "But I imagine that it's you and Arthur that your mother and Ygraine are carrying."

"I don't understand," Rowan said softly. "My uncle told me that my parents were simple farmers. But that couldn't be the case according to this. Look how well dressed they are in the painting. They must have had positions of power in court."

"It looks like it," said Merlin. "What were your parents' names?"

"My uncle never spoke my father's name again - he said it was too painful. But he did tell me that my mother's name was Hannah."

Merlin wracked his brain for any mention of a Hannah. Why did that name sound so familiar to him? Then his eyes grew wide as he remembered exactly when he'd heard that name.

"Ygraine's diary," he muttered to himself as he reached for the book. It fell open to the last page. The handwriting in this entry was different than Ygraine's usual swirls and flourishes. This writing was smaller, more precise. He and Arthur definitely hadn't read this.

Merlin didn't know why, but he felt compelled to read this passage. So he quickly skimmed it, his heart pounding as he read the real truth about what had caused Uther to start the purge. When he was done, he looked over at Rowan, a sorrowful expression upon his face. It had been such a tragedy, what had befallen the two couples. It was all due to a misunderstanding, but it was one that cost Ygraine her life, not to mention what had had happened to Ruadhán. If this event hadn't happened, Rowan's life today would be very different, as would all the lives so those who had magic.

"What's wrong?" Rowan asked.

"Rowan, this is Queen Ygraine's diary," Merlin explained. "Arthur and I have been reading through it, but we've never made it to the last entry. I just read it now, and it explains the real reason behind the purge against magic."

"So? Why should I care about that? It doesn't change the fact that they're dead," was Rowan's bitter response.

"Don't you want to know what _really _happened to your parents?" Merlin pressed. "You see, I believe them to be Ygraine's ladies maid and Uther's court sorcerer."

"That's impossible," said Rowan with a frown. "Uther had no court sorcerer."

"Not according to this diary," said Merlin. "I've read entries that talk about your father's magic and how legendary it was. Uther did nothing but praise its usefulness."

"That doesn't sound like Uther," Rowan scoffed.

"Not the Uther we knew, no," said Merlin. "But this diary shows him in a different light. With Arthur's mother, by his side, he was a fair, just king. His court sorcerer, Ruadhán, also fell in love, with Ygraine's maid, Hannah. They were married in a double wedding, and the diary paints the couples as the best of friends."

"If this Ruadhan and Hannah were my parents, what happened to them? Why did they have to flee during the purge if they were such great friends with Uther?" Rowan wondered.

"I'll let the diary explain that," said Merlin. He began to read.

_This is Uther Pendragon. I am writing this so that one day, perhaps someone will know the truth behind the circumstances of Ygraine's death. The official story is that Ygraine died at the hands of Nimueh. (This treacherous witch had neglected to inform us that if she created a life, one must be given to restore the balance to nature.) Ygraine died soon after giving birth to Arthur. She had only a few moments to hold him in her arms before her strength began to fade. This is all true._

_But what the people do not know is this. As my beloved wife lay dying, I ordered Ruadhán to save her life with his magic. He uttered a spell, and suddenly life began to fill my Ygraine. She stirred, told me that she loved me and baby Arthur very much. But the spell didn't last, and suddenly Ygraine slumped over, still as death. I asked Ruadhán if she was still alive and he said no. He apologized that he couldn't save her, claiming that the ancient magic was no match for someone even as powerful as he. In that moment, I realized that the love of my life was gone forever._

_In my rage, I reached for my sword and run him through. I honestly thought he would stop me with his magic before I could go through with it, but he didn't. Either I surprised him or he was too drained from trying to save Ygraine to protect himself. Horrified with what I'd done, I let my sword fall to the ground with a loud clang, slick with Ruadhán's blood._

_Hannah slowly backed away from me, stunned as she stared at the body of her dead husband. She turned and ran out the door. When the guards came in, I had to give them an explanation as to why I had killed my court sorcerer. I blamed Ruadhán's magic for not saving Ygraine from death, and I gave the order for the purge against all with magic to begin. A few minutes later, I realized what I'd done, and how unreasonable that order was, but it was too late to rescind it. _

_What people also don't know is that I gave an order for a knight to escort Hannah safely out of Camelot, knowing full well that the child she carried would more than likely be magical. I never knew what became of her or the baby after that. I then had all records of Ruadhán and Hannah erased from the record, and forbade the people from speaking of them ever again as it was too painful to bear. I wish I'd been able to control my anger and that I hadn't killed my friend. I know I'll be filled with regret for my despicable actions for the rest of my life. I hope if Arthur or someone close to him reads this account, they will find it in their heart to forgive me for all the bloodshed I've caused._

Merlin put the diary down, as he'd read the entire entry.

"So if Uther hadn't ordered the purge, I would've grown up in the life of luxury in the castle," Rowan realized. "I would've been raised by my parents who would've loved me, and I would've been able to practice my magic freely. I fucking hate that piece of shit!" Rowan shouted, continuing to curse Uther to the depths of hell. "He ruined my life, and the lives of so many others of our kind."

That was when Merlin had an idea. "I hate Uther too. You know, if the purge had never happened, you would've grown up alongside Arthur. More than likely, you two would've been friends," Merlin pointed out. "You were never meant to serve us, Rowan. As son of the former court sorcerer, you should've inherited a title or some land at the very least. You were meant to be our equal. We can still make that happen." Merlin was playing on what Rowan had told him earlier, about his need for importance and a position of power.

Rowan snorted. "Arthur would never allow it. Not after what I've done."

"He would if you worked for our side," said Merlin. "If you passed misinformation to your uncle, that the poultices were still working and that I was still continuing to lose my mind, that would be enough to convince Arthur to drop any charges made against you. Then, who knows?"

"I don't know if I could go against my uncle," Rowan worried. "He told me that I owed him a debt for raising me when he could've easily given me up to an orphanage."

"You don't owe your uncle anything," Merlin insisted.

"You don't understand! He's the only family I've got," Rowan insisted. "Well, there's also my cousins but I'm pretty sure they hate me."

"It's no wonder," said Merlin. "They're all dark sorcerers hell bent on destroying me, Arthur, and our land. Rowan, what do you think would happen to the magic school after your uncle took over? Do you honestly think he'd want you to learn how to better yourself? He'd do _anything _to stay in his position as ruler of Camelot. He wouldn't want to risk anyone growing as powerful as himself or his sons. He's just using you to get what he wants. He's been lying to you since the beginning. Your parents never wanted Uther or his line dead."

"But Uther killed my father," Rowan spat. "He as good as killed my mother. I can never forgive him for that."

"You don't have to," said Merlin. "It's perfectly understandable that you feel anger towards him. But Uther is gone. Arthur had _nothing _to do with your family's tragic end. The laws that he put in place are there to guarantee that no one can commit such a crime without being punished for it. He grew up watching his father kill his subjects in the name of sorcery. He vowed that when he became king, he'd never do that. And he hasn't. Arthur is nothing like his father. You can't let the fact that Arthur is Uther's son influence your decision."

"You're right," Rowan said slowly after a long pause. "Arthur has been nothing but good to me. But I still can't get over what I saw you two doing in the throne room. It was _wrong_ on in so many ways. A king is supposed to set an example for his people, and that includes how he conducts himself in his personal life. My uncle says that anyone living a 'deviant lifestyle' isn't fit to rule."

"First, Arthur wasn't really cheating on his wife." Merlin had to make Rowan understand that. "She knows of our feelings for each other and she is very understanding. She's still grieving over Lancelot and is perfectly happy to let Arthur be with me."

"Yes, but under the law, Guinevere is Arthur's husband," Rowan reminded Merlin. "Arthur had relations with someone other than his wife. That counts as cheating."

Merlin sighed. "You may not be old enough to understand this, but sometimes in life, things aren't always black and white. Sometimes, there are grey areas." He thought about what they had decided to do about Gwen's unborn child, and how that was a perfect example. Not that he was about to tell that to Rowan. "There's no legal way for Arthur and I to be together. So we did the next best thing. We continued to hide our relationship from the public, and had Arthur marry and pretend to be attracted to women. You see, it would be an entirely different situation if Gwen has feelings for Arthur - but she doesn't. She agreed to be the mother of the heir, and nothing more. We have an arrangement that benefits all involved."

"I suppose that if no one is getting hurt by your 'arrangement' it may not be as wrong as I originally thought," Rowan considered. "But that still doesn't explain your misconduct in the throne room."

"All I can say is that sometimes, people do crazy things when they are in love," Merlin said honestly. "We both made a big mistake, and it was a serious misjudgment on my part to agree to such an act. It won't ever happen again. We thought no one would find out - we made sure that no one would be able to enter the throne room at that time. But we didn't consider that someone might be watching from afar with a scrying bowl, which I consider to be a serious breach of privacy. Your uncle showed you that event so he could use your disgust of male/male relationships to keep you under his thumb. I'm sorry you had to see that, but it wasn't meant for your eyes."

"I'm sorry too," Rowan muttered, but his voice lacked the venom that it had carried before.

"I wish I could make you understand that Arthur and I didn't choose to live a 'deviant lifestyle' as your uncle puts it. We were born being inclined towards men, and slowly fell in love after years of being close friends." Merlin smiled, remembering the moment when he and Arthur had confessed their love. That moment in the forest was one he would treasure forever. "Our story is not any different than that of your parents' love story, or Bruin and Caelia's. It's an age old story - two people get to know each each other, fall in love, and decide to remain faithful to each other for the rest of their lives."

"So you didn't choose to like men, just like I didn't choose to have magic - it just happened," Rowan said slowly.

"Yes!" Merlin said fervently, relieved that Rowan had come to that conclusion on his own.

"Well, I suppose I shouldn't fault you for that," said Rowan. "But while I still don't approve of the practice, I can understand your motivations a little better."

"Good," said Merlin. He closely regarded Rowan. He thought he'd gotten through to the young man but he couldn't be certain. "So what have you decided? Are you going to help us prevent your uncle from taking over?"

"Yes," Rowan said with conviction. "I'm not going to let my uncle's hate to influence my decisions any more."

"I'm glad to hear that," said Merlin with a smile.

Rowan tentatively smiled back.

"However, I'm afraid I'm not going to let you out of my sight anytime soon," said Merlin. "You must prove to me that you're completely loyal to myself and Arthur before I can give you your freedom."

"That's fair," said the redhead. He glanced at Merlin, looking like he wanted to ask something but wasn't sure how to do it.

"What is it?" Merlin asked, recognizing the look on Rowan's face for what is was.

Rowan looked at Merlin with pleading eyes. "Can I have this painting of my parents? I don't own anything of theirs."

"Well, the painting technically belongs to Arthur, but since he doesn't know about it yet, I say that you can borrow it for awhile," said Merlin. "Consider it a gesture of good faith."

"I promise I'll take good care of it," Rowan said in earnest, sounding more like the young man that had worked in the stables before he'd gotten the job serving Arthur.

"I know you will," said Merlin. "Now, how about I un-stick you, we take the painting to your quarters, we take the rat outside, and then we go from there?"

Rowan nodded, then asked, "Why were you so merciful to me? I could've caused the downfall of Camelot and the person you love."

"Because I believe in second chances," Merlin said matter-of-factly. "Like you, Arthur was raised by a man with much hate in his heart. It took Arthur a long time to become the good man he is today. I lost count how many extra chances I gave him to prove himself to me. He made many mistakes, but after he realized that he made them, he always took steps to correct them."

"Like I'm doing now," Rowan pointed out.

"Just like that," said Merlin. "I for one think you'll make a _great _spy for us."

"Thanks," Rowan said shyly.

Merlin gave him a reassuring pat on the back. "Now, let's go take care of that rat."

.~.

When Merlin was finishing his conversation with Rowan, a very different scene was occurring in the throne room. Arthur and Gwen were confronted with the sudden reappearance of Sir Lancelot. At first, all they could do was stare at the man who stood in the middle of the room.

"Lancelot?" Gwen whispered. She glanced over at Arthur, the shock on his face mirroring hers. "No, it can't be!" The king and queen stood rooted to the floor, stunned by the appearance of their friend who they thought was long dead.

"Guinevere!" Lancelot's face lit up when he saw the woman that he loved more than life itself. "You were the thought that kept me going while I was imprisoned by my captors. I knew I had to return to you. And now I have." Lancelot staggered towards them, then his legs gave out and he fell to the floor.

Lancelot's voice roused Gwen into action. She rushed to the man that she still loved, and immediately began looking for the source of the bleeding. "He's wounded in his right side!" She cried, putting pressure on the wound.

Arthur quickly got the attention of his guard. "Send for..." Arthur grimaced, "Merlin." He knew Lancelot needed attention and Merlin was the best healer in the land. Arthur would stomach being in the same room with Merlin if it was to help Lancelot recover.

"Yes, Sire," the guard promised before he ran from the room. This left Arthur and Gwen alone with Lancelot.

"Why didn't you come looking for me?" Lancelot asked, sounding hurt and a little confused. He looked at Gwen, so Arthur assumed that the question was meant for her.

"I wanted to look for you, but Merlin said that you were dead," Gwen sniffed. "He said that he identified your blood on the ground and assured us that you lost too much of it to still be alive. I didn't want to believe it. You have to know that, Lance!"

"She did want to look for you," Arthur piped up. "I guess we all thought that Merlin was right. But I suppose even sorcerers can be wrong on occasion. And I'm so glad he was. It's wonderful to have you back, Lance! I mourned for you too, as did Merlin and all the knights. I'm so grateful to have you returned to us."

But Lancelot only had eyes for Guinevere. "All I thought of was getting back to Camelot so that we could get married," said the wounded knight. "And now, that dream can come true."

Arthur and Gwen exchanged worried glances when Lancelot mentioned marriage, but Lancelot didn't notice.

"I'm so sorry I missed our wedding, Gwen. I never should've gone out on patrol that morning. Can you forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive! I know you just wanted to help," said Gwen. "Oh, Lance! I can't believe you're back! I've missed you so much."

"And I you."

They locked eyes and at that moment, to the two lovers, all was right with the world. Gwen kissed Lancelot's forehead and held his hand. This was all she dared to do for the moment, not wanting to exacerbate his wound.

Arthur cleared his throat. "I'm afraid there's something we need to tell you." The king didn't know how he was going to explain to Lancelot that he'd married Gwen a week after the knight's death. But he thought that Lancelot deserved to hear it from him.

"Arthur, not now!" Gwen hissed. "Not while he's hurt!"

But Arthur and Gwen were saved from answering when Merlin burst into the room, with Rowan in tow. The warlock briefly glanced at Arthur before taking in the sight of a man he believed to be dead. "Lancelot! You're alive!"

"And in pain," the knight gasped out. "If you could heal my side, I'd be very grateful."

"Yes, of course!" Merlin hurried over to Lancelot, placed his hands on the wound, and muttered a healing spell. They all watched as the wound stitched itself up and the skin slowly became flawless. It was as if the wound had never existed at all. "Is that better?"

"The pain's almost completely gone," said Lance. "Thank you, Merlin."

"Don't thank me," Merlin said quietly. "I told everyone not to go after you. It's my fault you were captured and hurt."

"I don't blame you, Merlin. My wound was bad enough that I should've been dead," said Lancelot. "The only reason I'm still alive is they used some kind of dark spell on me to bring me back to life. But I don't want to think about that right now." He turned his attention from Merlin to the woman he loved. "All I care about is you, Gwen, and that we'll finally be able to be married soon."

Guinevere didn't say anything, and tried to keep a neutral expression on her face. How was she going to tell Lancelot that she was already married?

Rowan, surprisingly, came to her rescue by changing the subject. "King Arthur, Merlin and I talked about my crime. I wanted to let you know that I've decided to help you send messages to my uncle. I'm so sorry for all the pain that I caused."

"That's good to hear," said Arthur. "If you comply, you'll get to keep your life."

"Thank you, Sire," said Rowan, sounding remorseful.

"Crime? What crime?" Lancelot frowned at Rowan.

"We'll explain later," said Arthur. "A lot has happened since you were taken." Arthur caught Merlin's eye, and then quickly looked away.

Merlin thought that he'd been given an opportunity. "Arthur, I-"

"Thank you, Merlin, that will be all," Arthur said through gritted teeth. "I'm sure you're needed at the school."

"Of course," said Merlin, with a catch in his voice. "I'll see you later, Lance." Apparently, Arthur found Merlin's presence to be intolerable. He should've known that Arthur wouldn't forgive him so quickly. Merlin ran out of the throne room, with Rowan following close behind him.

"What's going on between you and Merlin?" Lancelot asked as soon as they'd gone. "Did you have a fight?"

Arthur wished that it were that simple. "You know, you look like you could use a hot meal and some sleep. You can have my bed to use for as long as you need," the king offered, easily sidestepping the question.

"I couldn't do that, Sire!" Lancelot looked scandalized.

"Nonsense. I insist," said Arthur.

"Alright," Lancelot relented. "Thank you."

Gwen and Arthur knew that the knight must be really exhausted to give in so easily.

That was when Lancelot noticed Gwen's velvet red dress. "That's a fancy dress for a maid." He frowned at her. "Where did you get it?"

"Uh…" She grimaced. Gwen was at a loss to explain why she was wearing such a dress. "How about I tell you later? All you need to concentrate on right now is resting and getting better."

Lancelot nodded. "Apparently I have a lot to catch up on. Can I have a hand up?"

Gwen stood up, bent over, and reached out for Lancelot's hand. That was when he noticed the tell tale swell of her belly. Lancelot didn't take her hand - he just stared up at her, horrified at what he'd just realized.

"What's wrong?" Gwen asked.

"You're pregnant." Lancelot stated. Then he noticed the sparkling ring on her finger. "You're married as well? To who?" He accused.

"To me," Arthur said nervously.

"WHAT?" Lancelot roared. He stood up and tried to charge at Arthur but Gwen held him back.

"Lance, it's not what you think," Arthur insisted.

"How is it not what I think?" Lance cried. "Gwen is your queen, is she not?"

"Well, yes, but…" Arthur tried.

"Is she carrying the heir to Camelot's throne?"

"That's somewhat debatable," Arthur admitted. "The people believe so, but-"

"Did you force her to marry you?" Lance glared at the king.

"What? No!" Arthur insisted. "How could you think that? I married her to help her because-"

Lancelot cut him off again, and turned to Gwen. He could deal with Arthur later. At the moment he felt more betrayed by his would be wife than his friend.

"Of all people, you're having a baby with _Arthur_?" Lancelot yelled. "How could you do this to me? How could you replace me with him?"

"Lance, let me explain!" Gwen pleaded.

"No, you listen!" The knight bellowed. "Judging from the size of your stomach, you must have taken up with Arthur right after I died. I thought you would've taken at least a few months to mourn me before moving on! And what about Merlin? How could you betray him, knowing what he feels for Arthur?"

"I didn't betray anyone!" Gwen raged, starting to cry. "You're such a moron, Lance! It's _your _baby. I got pregnant right before you disappeared. Since we thought you to be dead, Arthur agreed to marry me so I wouldn't have to live out my life in disgrace. He and Merlin have vowed to help me raise our child. You should be grateful to them!"

"The baby's mine?" Lancelot couldn't believe his ears.

"Of course it is!" Gwen glared at him. "I haven't been with anyone else but you."

Lance visibly relaxed. "You mean to say that even though you got married, you two have never…" Gwen and Arthur shook their heads.

"Oh," said Lance in a small voice. "Well. Now I understand. I'm sorry, Gwen. I must apologize for my behavior - it was inexcusable. I see that I misjudged the situation. I shouldn't have automatically thought the worst."

"It's quite alright," said Arthur, instantly forgiving his friend for his accusations. "We tried to tell you the truth but you wouldn't listen."

But Lancelot barely heard Arthur's words. Instead he was focused on Gwen. He couldn't believe that he was going to be a father! He'd wanted that almost from the first day that he began to court Gwen. She'd taken a lot longer to convince, but after a few years she decided that she was ready for marriage and children.

"I'm so happy that you're going to make me a father," said Lance.

"Me too." Gwen smiled behind her tears. She couldn't stay mad at Lancelot, even though he thought that she'd turned to Arthur for love in his absence. He was back, and that was all that mattered. "I'm so happy you'll be here to raise our child with me."

Lancelot pulled Gwen into his arms and then they finally kissed properly. When the kiss grew heated, Arthur took this time to slip away. He wanted to give the reunited lovers some privacy.

"Gwen, I'm so sorry you had to go through my supposed death alone," Lancelot murmured after they pulled apart. "It couldn't have been easy, especially since you were pregnant and we hadn't been married."

"It was extremely hard," Gwen sniffed. "Not only was I mourning you, but I thought I'd have to raise our child by myself, without a husband. I thought I was condemning them to life as a bastard. I was depressed for weeks. I didn't want to eat or do much of anything. If it hadn't been for Merlin, Arthur, and Morgana's help, I don't know what I would've done."

"I'm so glad they were there for you." Lance gently caressed her cheek. "But now that I've returned, we can be a real family. Your troubles are finally over."

"But they're not! I don't know how we're ever going to be together," Gwen cried. "Lance, if I'd only known, I never would've married Arthur!"

"I don't understand. I'm sure Arthur would grant you a divorce," said Lance.

"He would, but that wouldn't solve everything," Gwen said with much regret. "You see, Arthur and I announced my pregnancy to the people months ago. They believe that the child I'm carrying is Arthur's, and the heir to the throne."

"Oh." Lancelot's heart sank. Gwen was right… there was no easy answer to their dilemma. What were they going to do?

End Chapter 31

.~.

A/N: I hope that I made Rowan's motivations clear. I've had comments in the past on other stories that I've made my "evil" characters turn "good" much too quickly. I tried my best to make Rowan slowly make his decision and give him and Merlin plenty of dialogue before he came to that conclusion. How did I do?


	33. Taking Action

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind.

.~.

Chapter 32: Taking Action

.~.

Lancelot and Guinevere were trying to make sense of their complicated situation. They couldn't publicly be together, since the people of Camelot believed Gwen's unborn child to be Arthur's. It would cause quite the scandal if that information got out. There was no easy solution to their problem.

"I don't know how we'll ever get to be together," Gwen lamented. "This is such a mess. We can't be together due to a law, Arthur and Merlin can't be together because they're both men, Caelia lost Bruin thanks to dark magic… it's like the world has something against love."

"What? Caelia lost Bruin? What happened to him?" Lancelot asked.

"It's a really sad story." Gwen decided just to tell him everything that had gone on in his absence. She told him about the troubles between the knights and the magic users, Merlin's anger issues, and Bruin's murder. She told him about the death of the witchfinder and the threat against Arthur and all who lived in Camelot.

"We don't know who's behind the threat," Gwen concluded. "Although Merlin believes that Rowan might know something."

"I can help with that. My captors are the people you're looking for," said Lance. "I was able to learn a little bit about their plan. I know that they were trying to weaken Merlin somehow."

"Yes, that's what Rowan had just confessed to," said Gwen. "He hid enchanted poultices under Merlin's bed, and they've slowly been driving him mad."

"They are despicable people. They tortured me endlessly, trying to get information on Arthur and the defenses. But I held out and I didn't tell them anything."

"I guess I wasn't the only one suffering when we were apart," said Gwen. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that!"

"It wasn't my first choice on how to spend the last few months," Lancelot joked. "But the thought of you made me fight to stay alive. I knew I had to find a way home to you, and I did."

"How did you manage to escape?" Gwen asked.

"I didn't," Lance admitted. "One of the guards let me go. She would always bring me my food and water. We got to know each other a little. She was curious as to why I was still alive when all the other knights had eventually lost hope and succumbed to death. Each day, I told her a little more about you, and how I was determined to make it back to the woman I loved. She was so moved by my story that she helped me to leave and covered for me so that I'd have a chance to make it here. I got a ride with a kind stranger whenever I could. The rest of the way I walked on foot. I accidentally re-opened my wound when I had the castle in my sights by tripping over a tree root."

"It's amazing you were able to make that journey back. We need to get you out of these old clothes," said Gwen, her practical side kicking in.

"I'm not sure if I'm up for that," Lancelot quipped.

"It's good to know you haven't lost your sense of humor," said Gwen with a smile.

"I've dreamt of our reunion, Gwen, and how amazing it would be. But I can't give you that right now," Lancelot said with regret. "I'm so tired, I feel like I can barely take another step."

"I've had months waiting, with a small part of me hoping against all hope that you might return. I think I can handle waiting a few more days while you recover." They shared a knowing smile.

He leaned on Gwen and she slowly helped him to Arthur's chambers. The stairs took some maneuvering, but they eventually made it there in one piece. Once inside, she helped him remove his rags and get into the tub filled with warm water that someone had left for him. Gwen gently washed Lance, making sure that she covered every inch of his body.

After he was finished bathing, Gwen dried him off and helped him into night clothes made of silk. They were Arthur's, so the pants were a little bit short on Lancelot. But he was so grateful to have something else to wear that he didn't notice. The knight climbed into bed under the covers and let out a small sigh of relief. He'd accomplished his mission and returned to Gwen. Now he could truly get some sleep. Then his stomach growled, temporarily thwarting his plan.

Gwen found a hot meal waiting for both of them on the table. She wondered which of the servants had been kind enough to anticipate Lancelot's needs, making a mental note to find out and thank them later. (Of course, it had been Merlin.)

"I don't think I should be eating in Arthur's bed," Lancelot worried, as Gwen began to feed him some stew.

"Well, it's half my bed, and I say you can eat in it," Gwen announced.

"If you're sure. You know, it's weird to think about you sleeping with Arthur," said Lance with a frown.

"It was completely platonic," Gwen reassured him. She decided not to tell him about the bit where Arthur would hold her close when she had a nightmare about Lance's death and needed reassurance. There were just some things that were better left unsaid.

"I know. I trust you and him." Lance shook his head. "I don't know why I reacted like that earlier."

"You're starving, you're exhausted, you saw that I was pregnant and married to someone else, and you jumped to the wrong conclusion," said Gwen. "It's understandable that you reacted in the way you did."

"Thank you for bringing me up to speed," said Lance. "But there's one thing you forgot to mention. What's going on with Merlin and Arthur?"

Gwen's face fell. She told him the long, unfortunate story, culminating with the fact that Merlin had used his magic against Arthur and had been seconds away from raping him.

"So that's why Arthur wanted Merlin out of his sight today," Lance realized. "On one hand, I don't blame Arthur one bit. I wouldn't like it if someone used their magic to make me do something against my will. But on the other hand, it wasn't Merlin's fault if he was being influenced by the poultices. If you want, I can talk to Arthur man to man and get to the bottom of this."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea right now," Gwen cautioned. "I think Arthur will need more time to get over it. In fact, he might be embarrassed for you to know about that."

"I see your point," said Lancelot, but he was discouraged. "I just want to help Merlin! I know that Arthur's behavior must be torturing him."

"Arthur will come around in his own time," Gwen predicted. "We can't rush it. Eventually, he'll realize that he still loves Merlin, but it will take awhile before he completely trusts him again. They will have to work hard to rebuild their relationship to the level that it used to be."

"We'll have to work on our relationship too," said Lance. "We can't be affectionate out in public. That will probably be the hardest thing for me to remember."

"We'll have to pretend that we're nothing more than friends," said Gwen with a sigh. "There's also the fact that people know we were supposed to be married, so they'll be looking for any sign that shows we're still in love."

"We'll just have to do the best that we can," said Lance. "We _cannot _let the people think you're being unfaithful to Arthur."

Gwen nodded. "Of course, I still want us to be lovers."

"Good, because I'm not sure that I could keep myself away from you, queen or no," Lance said honestly. "But I'm not worried about that. I'm sure our friends will help us out. From what I've heard from you, Arthur and Merlin owe you big time."

"You don't even know the half of it," said Gwen, rolling her eyes. "I once had to show my breasts to Rowan to keep Merlin from being discovered topping Arthur in bed."

"Too much information, sweetheart." Lance shuddered. But they shared a laugh at that, although Lancelot was less than pleased that another man had seen Gwen half naked. They talked until Lancelot was ready to rest. Gwen slipped out of the room when she was sure that Lancelot was asleep.

Her feelings were currently at war with each other. Gwen was ecstatic that Lancelot had returned to her, but angry that they would have to hide their relationship. She realized this was what Arthur and Merlin felt like every day. She wondered why love had to be so complicated and wished that they could all just be with the person that they loved. But perhaps that was not meant to be.

.~.

_Later that day_

While Lancelot was sleeping, Arthur and Gwen were in charge of preparing the castle to host a whole slew of druids. This also included helping the old members of the council take their possessions and leave. Arthur had enlisted the help of Morgana and the students of the magic school, asking for them to take a day off from their lessons to aid in this enormous transition. Of course, Morgana and the students were more than happy to take a break from their schooling to assist the king.

Using their magic, the students were able to move the council members and their things out of the castle. They helped them load their belongings in horse drawn carts and sent them on their way. The non-magical servants assisted by cleaning the rooms, laundering clothing, and preparing extra food for their refugee guests. Arthur knew that without the magic users' help, they wouldn't be even close to being ready in time. When they were finished, the king thanked everyone for their efforts, and decided to give the servants extra pay. He tried to do the same with the magic users, but they refused, insisting that their services were free as they wanted to help the druids, who were like them.

The druids began to arrive that afternoon, bringing whatever meager possessions they had left. Arthur met with their leader, who had remembered giving him and Merlin a place to stay when Arthur was still a prince and they were on the run from Uther. Arthur reminded the man that he'd promised to repay them for that favor when he became king, and that he was happy to give the druids temporary quarters in the castle until the threat of the dark sorcerer was resolved and they could go back and rebuild their homes. He also promised that he would send some of his knights to help with the rebuilding process.

Their leader was taken aback, not expecting such treatment from royalty. "Was there something you want from us? We are not content to accept charity. We wish to earn our keep."

Arthur sighed. "I was going to mention it after you were all settled in, but I was hoping I could count on your people for support when the battle comes."

"We are a peaceful people. War is not our way," said the leader.

"I know, and I respect that - it is an honorable way of life. But war will soon be upon us all," said Arthur. "The signs of this are increasing. Thanks to the actions of several dark wizards, we've lost some of our best knights protecting our outlying lands. You yourself have lost members of your tribe, as well as your homes to dark wizards. Camelot may yet fall if we don't have enough magical protection."

But the druid leader insisted that he would not allow his people to take part in the coming battle. Arthur was extremely disappointed by his decision, but he knew that he had to respect it. Since he couldn't count on the support of the druids, he'd have to come up with a plan that would use the people that he had. He had his knights, the magical students, and a small group of people with magic who were too poor to attend the school but had vowed to help in any way they could. He only hoped he would be able to convince them to set their prejudices aside and work together to save the kingdom.

_Several hours later_

Arthur called a meeting in the throne room with representatives from each group in order to make a plan that would destroy the dark wizards when they attacked. Sitting at the table were Morgana, Rowan, and Caelia to represent the magic school. To represent the poor magic users was one of Arthur's guards by the name of Galahad. To represent the knights were Sir Leon, Arthur's main tactician, as well as Sir Pelleas, Sir Gareth, and Sir Owaine to represent the older knights. (Sir Caradoc was still in the dungeon, so he wasn't there.) He'd also included Geoffrey of Monmouth in hopes he could add some wisdom to their discussion. As well, Lochru the druid was in attendance. (He was one of the men that helped shelter Arthur and Merlin when they were running from Uther.) Merlin was there as well, but he was seated near the end of the table, so Arthur wouldn't have to be near him. As the king's consort, Gwen sat at Arthur's right and the Lady Morgana at his left. It had not gone unnoticed to everyone in attendance that Merlin had been usurped from his usual place on Arthur's left.

"I now call this meeting to order," Arthur announced, and the people quieted at once. They turned their attention to their king, and looked to him to guide them in this endeavor to stop the enemy. "So, we're here to design a plan that will destroy the dark wizards once and for all that will also result in the lowest number of casualties. If you have any ideas, please speak up."

Immediately, Gwen raised her hand. Arthur nodded at her and she began to speak. "I think we need to go over the information that we have about the enemy before we can make a plan," said the queen. Arthur agreed, praising his wife's practicality. He remembered the days not too long ago, when Gwen had been a shy servant who was nervous about speaking in public. This was no longer the case, and he was quite proud of her for that.

"Now I'll turn the floor over to my servant, Rowan. He's agreed to work as a spy for us. He has some information to share on the sorcerers." Arthur didn't mention that Rowan had been on the side of the dark wizards, as he wanted all those present to trust him.

Rowan stood up, nervously wringing his hands. He'd never addressed so many powerful people before. "I'll start by naming our enemies. My uncle's name is Xalvador," said Rowan. "He's the most powerful of the three sorcerers."

"I've heard of him," said Geoffrey. "During the days of Uther's court sorcerer, Xalvador was often seen visiting Ruadhan and his wife. I remember that he had a considerable amount of magic. If he's out to destroy us, this is a very serious matter. We shouldn't underestimate him."

Everyone murmured their assent.

Rowan continued giving his report. "My cousins are named Osrith and Osgau. They also have plenty of powerful magic, although I believe Osrith is stronger than Osgau. Through an ally of theirs, they were able to plant some poultices in Merlin's room in order to give him some difficulties in controlling his magic." He felt guilty about that last part, but Merlin told him not to implicate himself as the ally of his uncle. "They too are out to kill Arthur and take the throne."

"Thank you, Rowan," said Morgana. "We no longer have faceless, nameless enemies."

"Was Xalvador the one behind Bruin's death?" Caelia asked, not able to hold back her question any longer.

"Indirectly, yes," Rowan confirmed. "He put the spell on Caradoc and gave him the bewitched dagger that killed him."

"I want to be the one to kill him," Caelia said grimly.

"I know you want to take down the man that killed your husband, but we can't turn this battle into a personal vendetta," Merlin cautioned. "None of us should be motivated by revenge. Instead, we should be wanting to protect our home. Rowan, please continue."

"My uncle has wanted to kill Uther ever since he lost almost everyone he loved in the purge. Somehow, this notion got carried over to Arthur, and wanting to end Uther's lineage. My uncle didn't have enough support to take down Uther at the time, as they were afraid for their lives if they went against him. But now, he has the support of bandits and outlaws, who he's promised to give positions of power when he takes over and becomes the new king."

"From what Rowan has told me about his uncle, he sounds rather unstable," said Merlin. "It's even possible that he may not fear death, that he only craves power and will do whatever's necessary to obtain it. That makes him a very dangerous enemy indeed."

Everyone exchanged worried glances at that.

"Something else to note about my relatives is that they are in possession of a magic ring that doubles the power of the person that wields it," Rowan revealed. "I'm not sure who will be wearing it, but this will make it even harder to kill them."

"If I had to guess, it wouldn't be your uncle," said Geoffrey. "If he feels like he has unlimited power, he probably believes he doesn't need it, and he will give it to one of his sons instead."

"Yes, but which one?" Sir Leon wondered.

"I can try to find out when I contact my uncle," said Rowan. "But he doesn't always share everything with me. However, I think I can-"

That was when a messenger burst into the room, interrupting Rowan. The man looked tired from running, and his expression was grim. Whatever the news was, it couldn't be good. Automatically, Merlin and Arthur looked at each other, as they always would whenever trouble had reared it's ugly head, reminding each other that they were not alone. Then Arthur realized what he was doing, and quickly looked away. Merlin tried not to feel hurt and to focus on the situation at hand, but it wasn't easy.

"What is it?" Arthur asked the courier.

"Sire, there's been another massacre." The guard looked a little green as he was giving his report, having just come from the grisly scene. "Just as before, exactly ten knights were killed! Only this time, the mutilated bodies were left behind. There was another written threat left, pertaining to you and the city. This time we couldn't hide it from the people."

The whole room erupted with outrage at the announcement.

Arthur held up his hand, but this time it took longer for everyone to calm down and stop talking amongst themselves. So it was happening again. Arthur knew that they had to do something in order to stop the senseless killings, and soon.

"Thank you," said Arthur, addressing the courier. "Please inform the people that at this moment, we are working on a solution to keep everyone safe."

"Yes, your majesty." The messenger bowed and then slowly left the room.

"I wonder why the bodies were left behind this time," Morgana mused.

"That means our dark sorcerer has no reason to torture them, that he already has all the information that he needs in order to attack the castle," Merlin realized. "Although I'm not sure how he got it, because Lancelot swore to me that he didn't tell them anything. It's possible that he questioned Sir Caradoc while he was under the spell."

Arthur turned to Rowan. "Was this your uncle's doing?"

"I believe so," said Rowan. "The last time we spoke, he mentioned that he was going to strike against the knights so that this time you couldn't cover up the threat to Camelot. He wants the people to fear all magic users, to further the mistrust between them and the knights."

"He won't have to do much to achieve that," said Arthur. "By now, I'm sure the word has spread throughout the kingdom that the knights were killed by sorcerers and that their next target is Camelot."

"So, back to the battle plan," said Gwen, trying to bring them back on topic. To be fair, the announcement about the knights' deaths had been quite a distraction. It impressed upon them the need to develop this plan and implement it as soon as possible, so that other innocents wouldn't be killed.

"I think that we need to split up into groups," said Arthur. "One group, say Merlin, Caelia, and half the magic school goes after Xalvador, along with some of my best knights. The other group, which includes Morgana, the remainder of the magic school, and some knights, targets Osrith and Osgau. We separate the sons from the father. Divide and conquer."

"It has potential," said Morgana.

But others weren't as enthused about the plan. "How do we know that the magic users won't betray us and throw in their lot with the dark wizards if it looks like the battle is lost?" Sir Pelleas sounded rather paranoid to most of the people in the room, but they let him have his say.

"How do we know that you won't kill some of the magic users when people aren't looking, like your friend Caradoc killed my husband!" Caelia cried.

Soon the room was filled with shouts of accusations against the three older knights.

"Stop!" Merlin cried. "If we keep accusing each other, we'll never get anywhere with this plan. That is our priority right now. We need to put our personal feelings aside and concentrate on defending our land."

"I agree with Merlin," said Arthur, but he took care not to look at the court sorcerer.

"I think splitting us up is a good idea," said Sir Leon. The dark sorcerers will have bandits, drifters, and other ordinary men that the knights can fight while the magic users take out the sorcerers."

"Yes, exactly," said Morgana, smiling at the knight. "Then once the sorcerers are beaten, the rest of the men will be leaderless.

Galahad cleared his throat, and Arthur called on him to speak. "You forgot about my group of people. We know a little magic, and some of us can hold our own in a fight. I know that we could help, Sire."

"Then you shall lead your group of people," Arthur said. "We need all the help we can get. Thank you."

That was when the druid stood up. "Yes?" Arthur asked.

"My name is Lochru. I have come here to represent the druids. There are a few of my kind that wish to go against our leader's wishes and help you. We can be on hand to heal the wounded. We can defend ourselves if necessary."

"Excellent," said Arthur. "I know that war is not your way. I appreciate your bravery to go against your leader. I know that couldn't have been an easy decision."

Lochru nodded, and then took his seat.

"Sire, the number of magic users in our army considerably outnumber the knights," Sir Pelleas complained, and the other elder knights added their two cents as well. "I don't trust them. They have the capacity to use dark magic, the very thing that we're fighting against!"

Arthur stood up with a scowl, ready to let them have it, but Merlin cut in before Arthur would say something he might regret. After all, they still needed the prejudiced knights to fight for them.

"Let me put your mind at ease about that, Pelleas," Merlin said calmly. How he appreciated having a clear head! "The most important piece of information for the magic users (Merlin looked at Galahad for this, as he wasn't part of the school) is that we can't use dark magic against the evil sorcerers. If we did, they will only absorb that power and it will make them even stronger and more difficult to harm. Not only that, but my students have all taken an oath to serve and protect Arthur at any cost. I believe that all of them will stay true to that oath."

"I'll call a meeting of my magic user friends and be sure to impress upon them what you just said," said Galahad. "We may not have developed our gifts by way of the school, but some of us are quite strong."

Merlin smiled at him. "Glad to hear it." He waited for Sir Pelleas to protest that, but thankfully the knight was silent.

"So, how are we going to draw the dark sorcerers to Camelot?" Gwen asked.

"I'm supposed to meet Osgau in the tavern tonight, to give him an update about Merlin," Rowan said. "I'll have him tell my uncle that Merlin's erratic behavior continues and that he has fallen out of favor with the king. With Merlin out of the way, my uncle will want to take that opportunity to attack, since Arthur would be relatively unprotected."

"That's good, but let's give him yet another reason for him to want to attack now," said Morgana. "It's common knowledge that as Merlin's apprentice, I am the second most powerful magic user in the land. We should stage an incident today that results in my magic being depleted. With both of us weakened, and the school apparently left leaderless, Xalvador won't be able to resist."

"Even better!" Gwen enthused.

"What sort of incident did you have in mind?" Arthur asked.

"I thought we could spread the word that I've grown ill, and that I'm so weak that I've been confined to my bed."

"That should work," said Merlin. Everyone nodded their heads in assent.

"We have a plan, and it's a good one," said Arthur. "Does anyone have anything else that they want to say?"

"Only that I want you all to give them hell for me," said Gwen. "I can't let them get away with almost killing Lancelot."

"Almost killing? You mean Lancelot's alive?" Morgana gasped.

"Alive and well," said Gwen, unable to hold back a smile. The people began to talk amongst themselves and some went to approach Gwen.

"I hereby adjourn this meeting," said Arthur, but no one could hear him. Everyone wanted to talk to the King and Queen about the knight's return.

Merlin took this time to turn to Rowan. He pulled him aside, away from the cacophony of the crowd. "Are you sure you're feeling up to this? You'll have to be completely convincing that you're on your uncle's side in order for them to fall for our plan."

"I will be," said Rowan. "I must. I'm the best chance you have."

"That's what scares me," Merlin muttered under his breath, but he gave Rowan an encouraging smile nonetheless. It was up to the boy now to save everything that Merlin held dear.

.~.

End Chapter 32

A/N: The next chapter is the big showdown! Hold on to your seats, folks. The ride's about to get bumpy! I would really appreciate reviews for the last two chapters. The next one is going to be about the battle, and the final one is going to be about well I can't tell you about that bit ;) I hope you like it. I'm working extra hard to make the last two chapters of my last multi-chapter fanfic ever to be amazing. I've had so much fun writing this, and I've so thrilled that people still review and follow it when the fandom has been off the air for years. Merthur has become a huge part of my life and I feel I've become a better person from studying Arthur and Merlin and their complicated relationship. I know it's not meant to be romantic on the show but I just can't help go there. Merthur practically ships itself. Can I get an amen?


	34. The Battle Part I

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: It's my first Merlin fic – be kind.

.~.

Chapter 33: The Battle Part I

.~.

The moon hung high in the sky when Rowan returned to the king's chambers. He found Arthur, Gwen, Merlin, Morgana, and a recumbent Lancelot waiting for him.

"He bought it! My cousin Osgau bought my story!" Rowan crowed as soon as he closed the door behind him. "He seemed convinced by my story about Morgana's sickness. Osgau, my uncle, my other cousin Oswith, and all of his followers will arrive in three nights. They'll be expecting me to let them in through the back gate. As far as I can tell, they have no idea that we're on to them."

"Excellent. We'll have the element of surprise," Arthur said grimly. "They'll be walking right into a trap."

"Is there anything else you found out?" Merlin asked. "What of the ring?"

"My cousin was surprised that I knew of its existence," said Rowan. "He didn't give me any information on who had it."

"At least you tried," said Merlin. "Thank you for what you did." Then he turned to his friends. "It's time for Rowan and I to say goodnight. We'll be sleeping at the school, where I can use the enchantments inside of it to keep an eye on him."

Everyone bid them a good night, except for Arthur, who said nothing and looked away when Merlin tried to catch his eye.

Merlin grabbed Rowan's shoulder and guided him towards the door. They left the castle and were on their way to the school when Rowan asked why the king wasn't speaking to Merlin. He forbade Rowan from ever speaking of that again, which Rowan was more than happy to do. They slept on the floor in the school.

Merlin knew that Rowan wouldn't try to run away because after the school had faced the attack by the crowd, he'd placed protective enchantments on it. Merlin made it so that he or Morgana could activate the enchantments at any time. He could seal everyone inside, or if need be, he could prevent anyone outside from coming in. It was a magical way of locking or unlocking the building.

The next morning, Merlin and Rowan went to the castle to eat their breakfast. They went to Morgana's chambers to eat, so that they wouldn't have to be around Arthur. Morgana wished that she could help out at the school, but she decided to stay in bed. She was worried that Xalvador had eyes on the kingdom, and decided to stick to the story that she was sick and confined to bed. Merlin thought of the scrying bowl, how Xalvador had the power to see anything that they were doing to prepare for the coming battle.

"Merlin, I have an idea." Morgana's eyes sparkled as she whispered her idea. She suggested that they draw Osgau and Osrith inside the magic school, and then capture them inside until Merlin had killed Xalvador.

Merlin wholeheartedly agreed to that idea, as did Rowan. The dark sorcerers would be trapped like the rats they were. Then they bid Morgana goodbye so that she could 'rest'.

As Merlin walked with Rowan towards the school, he thought about what he would do if he was Xalvador and had the scrying bowl to use at his disposal. How could he use this knowledge against the dark wizard? When Merlin and Rowan arrived at the school, he had Caelia begin the lessons and explain that they were going to be preparing for war with the dark wizards. Merlin went to the back room, pulled out some parchment, a quill and ink. He began to write. When he was finished, he sent two of his magic students to deliver the letters to Arthur. He included instructions to only open them by candlelight in a dark room and to pass them on to the appropriate people.

.~.

_Three nights later_

The stars shone brightly in the clear sky when Rowan met his uncle and cousins at the back entrance to the citadel. Their army of bandits and miscreants waited in the forest with instructions to stay put until they were given a signal. Xalvador didn't want to bring in his army until he and his sons had dispatched the magic users, as they would be defenseless against them. Once they had gotten rid of the magic users, he'd signal his army to come in and finish off anyone who opposed him.

"Uncle, you have arrived at a most opportune time," said Rowan in a low voice as he let them inside. "The battle is already half won. Come see for yourself."

Everywhere, Xalvador saw that knights were locked in battle with magic users. The clang of the swords could be heard echoing in the courtyard. The magic users were obviously more skilled at battle. Some knights were already dead, with blood dripping down their still bodies from flesh wounds. Some knights had arrows sticking out of their backs. Xalvador didn't smell the stench of the the bodies, so he assumed that the battle had begun quite recently.

"Why are they fighting?" Xalvador wondered. He hadn't seen any evidence of recent dissent in Camelot, but he hadn't consulted the scrying bowl in a few hours.

"Another knight was killed, just an hour ago by one of my classmates in self defense. You see, all that you've done has driven a permanent wedge between the knights and the magic users," Rowan declared. "Not only that, but I've convinced some of my magical friends to join us. For that, I should be made your court sorcerer."

But his uncle didn't hear that last part. Instead, he left Rowan and headed towards King Arthur, who was locked in battle with Emrys on the far left corner of the courtyard. Emrys had the king trapped up against the castle wall, using his magic to hold him there. There was nothing Xalvador wanted more than to kill the son of Uther Pendragon, and now it looked like he was finally going to get the chance. Xalvador waited in the shadows as he watched the scene between Merlin and Arthur play out.

"Merlin, why can't you control your anger?" Arthur cried. "What have I ever done to you?"

"How can you ask me that? After all that's happened? After your knights continue to murder my students without any sort of punishment, who can't use dark magic to defend themselves since you decreed it illegal?" Merlin yelled.

"It should be illegal! Dark magic is dangerous. Look how it's got a hold of you!"

"You think that you can rule by the force of your knights. My people may be the minority in this land but we can rise up and supplant you."

"You're talking madness, Merlin!"

"It's clear that just changing the law against magic wasn't enough to help my people. Your knights still persecute them. Your people still fear magic. There's no place for us in your kingdom, Arthur."

"How can you say that? There's always a place for you. I thought you were my friend." Arthur's voice caught on the last word.

"You were wrong." Merlin gave a bitter laugh. "I see the way you look at me, at Morgana, at my kind… we're nothing more than second class citizens in your eyes."

Fury sparked in Arthur's eyes. "Well, I wonder why I think that? Look at your magic students…they've completely lost their senses! They're slaughtering my knights as we speak! I never should have appointed you as Court Sorcerer and given _your lot_ so much freedom."

"My lot?" Merlin seethed, and Arthur was held suspended in the air, gasping as Merlin's magic closed in around the king.

"Merlin!" Arthur coughed, barely able to speak. "Stop!"

Xalvador, looking for a trick, heard the fear in the king's voice as he begged for his life. The king genuinely seemed to be afraid of his court sorcerer. This didn't tally with what he'd heard about Arthur and Merlin's legendary friendship, but he supposed that the poultices had driven Merlin mad. Xalvador finally revealed himself to Arthur and Merlin. Emrys stopped torturing the king to turn towards him.

"Xalvador," said Merlin, acknowledging him with a nod. Arthur still remained suspended in the air. "Rowan has told me about your awesome power. An alliance between us would be quite beneficial."

The dark wizard had no intention of allying himself with Merlin long term, but knew it would be advantageous to have him on his side during the battle.

"Only if you let me kill that piece of filth," said Xalvador.

"Agreed," said Merlin. "Make it hurt."

"Don't worry, I shall," said Xalvador, with a twisted smile upon his gnarled face. Merlin stepped out of the way and Xalvador sent a wave of dark magic directly toward the king. However, the spell harmlessly ricocheted off his armor. Apparently Arthur was protected by some kind of invisible shield. Xalvador turned to Merlin in confusion.

Across the courtyard, Rowan's cousins moved in the opposite direction of Xalvador, meaning to help the magic users on the right side of the courtyard.

Rowan followed them, keeping their attention from the battle by bragging about how his uncle would have to make him the court sorcerer for his role in tonight's event. They continued to watch the battle between the knights and magic users unfold before them, ready to jump in but Rowan would just _not _shut up.

"You're such a weakling, Rowan. You'll never become Court Sorcerer," Osgau snarled. "You're nothing but a wimp, a pawn in my father's game."

"Yes, but I know something that you don't," said Rowan.

"And what's that?" Osrith growled.

Rowan gave him an eerie smile. "You've been duped."

With that, Rowan raised his hand towards his cousins and let his magic course through him. He didn't give in to anger or fear, he found his center before unleashing waves of energy against Osgau and Osrith. At that moment, every single person who had been locked in battle ceased fighting. The bloody, fallen knights picked themselves up from the ground, raising their swords as they readied themselves for the real fight.

Xalvador felt a momentous attack on his shields, from multiple sources. Almost all of Merlin's students had crept up behind him and tried to weaken him while he was focused on Merlin. It didn't do much good, but it definitely got his attention. In retaliation, he sent a wave out towards the magic users and most of them fell to the ground, stunned.

In the corner of his eye, Xalvador saw the 'dead' rise. "It was a trick," he muttered, realizing that he and his sons were vastly outnumbered. "Quick, give the signal!" He shouted. Even though his army would be useless against the magic users, they could at least distract the knights.

Osrith took his father's words to heart, grabbed a torch, and ran up to the ramparts, frantically waving it back and forth. When he came down, Rowan was waiting for him.

"You can't win this battle," Rowan warned. "Even with your army, you'll be no match for our magic users. You should surrender while you still can."

"I don't think so," said Osrith. "Because I know something you don't," he taunted, echoing Rowan's earlier words. "I have the ring and that makes me twice as powerful." It was as he said - he wore the magic ring on his left hand. He sent several lightning bolts in Rowan's direction, but they just bounced off his shield.

"I see that Merlin has shielded you," Osrith guessed. "Very good. But I know your shield won't last forever. And when it fails you, I'll be there."

Rowan called up a defense spell to protect himself from Osrith's attacks until he could find a place to hide. He tried to find an unoccupied spot, but it seemed that every place was taken. He headed in the direction of an empty spot in the courtyard. At least he could lead Osrith away from the others.

When he couldn't find a place to hide, Rowan decided to stop running and face Osrith, man to man. Since his cousin had the magic ring, it was more than likely that he was going to die. But if there was a chance he could win, he felt obligated to try.

Osrith flung another lightning bolt at him, and Rowan absorbed it with his shield. He returned fire, and sent magic in rapid bursts towards his cousin. It might exhaust his energy supply, but perhaps it would take Osrith by surprise, and weaken his shield so that another magic user would have an easier time finishing him off.

Rowan saw that Osrith's shield began to waver, and he was able to score a hit on Osrith's right leg before Osrith flung a barrage of lightning bolts at Rowan, cracking his shield and sending him tumbling to the ground. The last thing Rowan remembered was Osrith smirking down at him, ready to finish him off. He hoped that his actions had made a difference in the outcome of the battle.

.~.

While Rowan was facing off against Osrith, Merlin and Arthur were still facing Xalvador.

King and Court Sorcerer moved together, springing at Xalvador. The dark wizard barely had time to call up a shield before Merlin's magic tried to subdue him. Arthur rushed at Xalvador, swinging his sword high. Xalvador concentrated his attention on the king, while Merlin took that opportunity to hit Xalvador in the back. Xalvador's magic hit Arthur's chest but the magical shield held and the king was unaffected. The dark wizard's shield cracked, and Merlin was able to throw the evil man back, away from Arthur.

"You will not harm him while I'm alive," Merlin shouted, jumping in front of Arthur as he prepared to face Xalvador again. The dark wizard stirred quickly, getting back on his feet and reinforcing his shield.

"I see I'll have to kill you first."

"You may try," said Merlin.

Xalvador and Merlin prepared to face off against each other, readying themselves for a wizards' duel. Such a practice hadn't taken place in centuries. Merlin only hoped that he'd be able to defeat the dark sorcerer and protect the man that he loved. If not… Merlin didn't want to think about it. He _had _to win. There was no other option.

.~.

Elsewhere in the courtyard, Morgana sent spell after spell toward Osgau, which destroyed his shield and struck him in the right shoulder.

"You bitch!" He snarled. "You'll pay for that!"

"Catch me if you can!" Morgana taunted, and then ran from the courtyard. Osgau followed her, hellbent on taking revenge against the beautiful sorceress. When he finally subdued her, he was going to violate her until she learned her place. Five magic users followed him as he chased Morgana, but he was able to dodge their spells easily. He only cared about taking care of Morgana, who was a real threat to his father's plans.

Morgana was also followed by Sir Leon, who took it upon himself to provide extra protection to the beautiful noble. He brought his crossbow and shot arrows at the evil man. However, Leon's attacks were no match for the dark sorcerer, who deflected the arrows easily. Morgana had to double back to shield the knight from Osgau's attacks.

Osgau chased them all across a grassy field, then saw Morgana run inside a fairly large building. He had her cornered! Osgau followed Morgana inside, where she slipped out the back and activated the magical locking spell. Osgau pounded on the door and tried to use his dark magic to escape but the spell held. Morgana smirked, thrilled that she'd been able to outwit the man. The previous day, Merlin had tested the magical locks by throwing every bit of dark magic that he had at them, but they had held. Morgana knew that she could leave Osgau inside until the battle was won. Then they'd decide what to do with him.

"Quickly, back to Merlin!" Morgana shouted as she called the magic users that had come with her to regroup. Sir Leon ran at her side, ready to defend the lady at a moment's notice, but it was clear to him that she didn't need his protection. Leon apologized for deviating from the plan, (which was to protect Arthur.) Morgana gave him a knowing smile in return.

Leon knew that he'd been given an opportunity, and he decided to take it. "Lady Morgana, I was wondering if you would..." Leon's voice trailed off as they began the long trek all the way back to the castle.

"What was that?" Morgana asked him to repeat himself.

"I was wondering if I could court you." Leon blushed but he was glad that he'd finally asked the question that had been on his mind for awhile.

Morgana stopped in her tracks and stared at the knight, open mouthed. "You're asking me this _now_?"

"If you don't want to, I completely understand," said Leon. "Sorry - it just sort of slipped out."

"Leon, I've seen you watching me for the past three months," said Morgana, sounding exasperated. "It seems like I've been waiting forever for you to pluck up your courage and actually ask. Why'd you take so long to ask me when it was obvious that I would've said yes?"

"Well I was afraid that-" He paused. "Hang on, you _do _want to court me?"

"Only if you're not intimidated by my magic. I'm the second most powerful magic user in the land, second to Merlin. That intimidates a lot of men," Morgana said truthfully.

"I happen to find a woman who can defend herself to be very attractive."

"I happen to find a man who goes for what he wants to be attractive," said Morgana. "Percival's too shy, Gwaine's too flirty, Elyan's got a shady past… actually you're the best catch out of all the knights."

"Really?" Leon beamed at her.

"Yes. But we really need to get back to the battle," Morgana reminded him.

"Of course, milady. I just had to ask before I lost my nerve again."

"Lucky for me, you finally asked." Morgana beamed at him.

"Just for the record, I think that your magic is extraordinary," Leon admitted. "I know you'll be able to use it to help a lot of people. You already have tonight, by capturing that evil man."

Morgana grinned at Leon as they began to run back to the castle and their friends. The pretty witch was thrilled that she and Leon wouldn't have to hide their relationship, unlike the rest of her four close friends. But it seemed like she'd waited forever to find love, and she wasn't going to feel guilty that she and Leon could be open about how they felt. Feeling happier than she had in a long time, Morgana rushed back to the battle. At that moment, she felt like she could single-handedly take on the whole world.

.~.

_Meanwhile_

While Xalvador and Merlin were preparing to duel, the bandits had broken through the gates. They had a few other dark sorcerers with them who helped them break in, but they were nowhere near as powerful as Xalvador. The knights found themselves battling the bandits, and while most of the outlaws weren't terribly skilled with a sword, some of them could hold their own. A few of the older knights fell, but the bandits didn't get far. The younger knights stopped them before they could get anywhere near their king. In particular, two of Arthur's best knights were showing the bandits just how well knights of the realm could fight.

Sir Percival found himself locked in a swordfight with two of the more experienced bandits and it was taking him everything he had to protect himself. Then, out of nowhere, Sir Gwaine jumped in front of Sir Percival and they worked together to easily dispatch the bandits.

"Where've you been?" Percival shouted over the clang of the swords and cries of the wounded.

"Oh, you know… I was drinking down at the tavern," Gwaine quipped as they moved their way across the courtyard. "Actually I found myself locked in battle with one of those bandits that had magic. I had to pull out every last trick from my arsenal to defeat him. That experience just reminded me how much I'm glad that Merlin is on our side!"

"Where's Merlin? Is he protecting Arthur?" Percival asked, as he ducked a punch and kicked the bandit in the stomach.

"Merlin's fighting Xalvador," Gwaine observed, as he watched the wizards' duel from a far. "I think Arthur's trying to stay out of the way."

"Are the bandits still coming through the gate?" Percival wondered.

"Looks that way," said Gwaine as he swung his sword and tripped one of the bandits. The man struggled to get up, favoring his right leg.

"I know we're sworn to protect Arthur, but I think Merlin's got that covered right now," said Percival. "Since we don't have magic, I doubt there would be anything we could do to help. But if we could find a way to stop the bandits from coming in, we might be able to end the battle earlier."

"I can get behind that," said Gwaine, glaring at his former opponent who was still coming after him. "You guys just don't know when you're beat," he said, taking the butt of his sword and conking the bandit on the head. The man dropped like a rock, and Gwaine gave him a mock bow. "Let's go!" Gwaine shouted as he and Percival made their way through the fray to the gates.

They watched as one of the enemy held the gate wide open, allowing for his cronies to pass through.

"If we take him down, we can close the gate," Percival rationalized.

"Let's do it!" Gwaine enthused, and they both leapt at the bandit who was holding the gate. However, it didn't take long for them to learn why this man was still standing.

"Oh shit, that guy's got magic!" Gwaine exclaimed as he and Percival dodged the lightning bolt that was aimed at them.

"I think if we surprise him, we can take him. My shield's holding up well," said Percival as they crouched behind some rubble. "How's yours?"

"Pretty much nonexistent," Gwaine admitted.

Merlin had used up some of his power to put magical shields on all of the knights and magic users before they had staged the fake battle, to protect them from dark magic. Merlin had warned them that the shields could take a few hits, but if they took more than five, they'd be useless. They were a safeguard, but they weren't impenetrable.

"Gwaine! What did you do?" Percival cried.

"One of Merlin's students had been injured and was having a hard time fighting back against one of the sorcerers. I stood in front of them and shielded them from harm." Gwaine gave Percival an innocent look, one that Percival knew only too well.

"Was this student by any chance _female_?" Percival asked, already knowing the answer.

"How did you know?" said Gwaine with a wink before he jumped back into the fight. Percival distracted the dark sorcerer while Gwaine swung at him with his sword. Gwaine scored a good hit on the man's left flank, and he fell to the ground with a loud thud. But the sorcerer wasn't dead, and he wanted revenge on the man who'd caused him injury. So he put a lot of power behind a spell that he aimed at Gwaine. Unfortunately, it hit his target.

"Ahhhhh!" Gwaine cried, clutching his shoulder as it bled. He could tell it wasn't an ordinary wound - it hurt way too much. Dark magic was behind this and his shield hadn't been able to withstand the spell. This was what he got for his earlier chivalrous behavior.

While the sorcerer was focusing on Gwaine, Percival quickly knocked the man unconscious. Gwaine crumpled to the ground next to the sorcerer, clutching his shoulder and letting out small cries of pain. Percival knew it had to be bad for Gwaine to be making noise at all.

"Somebody help! My friend is wounded!" Percival cried as he held pressure on the wound in Gwaine's shoulder.

One of the druids who'd promised to help heal the wounded came running. She assessed the situation, and first used her magic to seal the gate so that no more bandits would be able to come through and surprise them. Then together, she and Percival were able to move Gwaine to a spot that was out of the way of the battle.

"Hold on, Gwaine," said Percival. "She's here to help you." The druid girl crouched down next to Gwaine to examine the wound.

"You're pretty," said Gwaine, winking at the druid girl before fainting dead away.

"Sorry. He does that," Percival said helpfully, hoping that this girl wasn't offended.

"I'm flattered," the girl said wryly as she held her hands over the wound. She murmured a spell and the flesh began to heal. "I've stopped the bleeding, but I can't remove the dark magic. The wound will continue to pain him, I'm afraid. But I can reduce the pain if he comes to. I'll stay with your friend so you can continue to fight."

Percival nodded at her, before he rushed back out into battle knowing that his friend was in capable hands.

.~.

_Meanwhile_

Caelia saw Sir Caradoc locked in battle with one of the bandits. The elder knight was holding his own, but he didn't see Osrith preparing to hit him in the back, on his way to come to his father's aid. Caelia pushed the old knight out of the way, bringing Osrith's attention onto her. She ran towards Merlin and safety, but she tripped over one of the cobblestones before she could reach her teacher. Merlin, who was caught up with dueling Xalvador, didn't see Caelia. Annoyed that she'd robbed him of a kill, Osrith sent waves of dark energy toward her, hitting her chest over and over again in hopes of weakening her shield.

Caelia cried out in horror, as Osrith's spell eventually penetrated her shield. The dark sorcerer had scored a lethal hit on her chest. She dropped to the ground, stunned. Caelia's vision swam as she felt waves of searing pain all around her heart. She wondered if this was what dying felt like and hoped that she wouldn't have to suffer for long.

Not far from Caelia, Merlin and Xalvador were still locked in battle. It seemed as though they'd reached a stalemate. One of them would crack the other's shield, but then that person would call up the energy to repair the shield. After minutes of this happening, Merlin knew that he had to try a different strategy, as Xalvador was starting to really drain him of his magical energy. He knew Morgana could've helped him, but she was nowhere to be found. Merlin hoped that she had drawn Osgau and Osrith to the school as planned, but he had no way of knowing. He hoped she was alright. Then Merlin received assistance from a rather unexpected source, in an unexpected way.

That was when Galahad and his group of magic users worked together to launch some of the dead bodies of the bandits at Xalvador. The dark sorcerer was distracted as he deflected the bodies. The blood oozed from the bodies, spraying Xalvador as he tried to neutralize the attack. Merlin used the distraction to concentrate all of his energy on destroying Xalvador's shield before he could repair it.

As Xalvador continued to be drenched by the blood of the dead, Merlin saw it. There was a small hole in the dark sorcerer's shield on his back, where the blood stained his shirt instead of bouncing off the shield. Merlin then concentrated all of his magic around that one vulnerable spot. In seconds, the man's shield had fractured and broken. Merlin turned the dark sorcerer around to face them. Xalvador of course turned his magic on Merlin, but he hadn't noticed that his shields were gone. This gave Arthur the chance to deliver the final blow against Xalvador and he stabbed the man in the heart with his sword. The king stood over the dark sorcerer as he breathed his last.

Arthur then looked over at Merlin, who smiled hopefully at the king. Xalvador was dead - it was over! Perhaps now, Arthur would find it in him to forgive Merlin now that he'd just saved Arthur's life. He was about to congratulate Arthur for helping defeat Xalvador when he saw Arthur's body flinch, as if struck. Merlin whirled around watched as the king's shield evaporated as Osrith appeared behind him and Arthur. Merlin had assumed that Osrith had been captured by Morgana but he'd been gravely mistaken.

Enraged by his father's death, Osrith unleashed all the breadth of his dark magic toward the king. Merlin tried to call up his magic to reinforce Arthur' shield but he'd already spent most of it on killing Xalvador. He sent the last of his magic to strengthen Arthur's shield. Merlin thought that it should be enough, if he could just get Osrith to turn his attentions away from Arthur and onto him. But Osrith's dark magic broke through Arthur's shield, more quickly than Merlin knew to be possible.

"Noooooooooooo!" Merlin cried as Arthur fell, a surprised look upon his face as his head hit the cobblestones. His piercing blue eyes fell shut and his head lolled to the side. Arthur didn't move after that. ""What did you do? That's not possible!" Merlin yelled, trying to hold back his rage. "He should still be protected. I protected him!"

"You forgot one very important thing, Merlin. I have the ring," Osrith revealed. Its magical properties doubled the powers of the wearing.

Merlin realized that was the reason as to how the sorcerer got through Arthur's shield so quickly. There was nothing more that Merlin would like to do than to tap into his dark magic reserves and obliterate Osrith from this earth. However, before Merlin made such a grievous error, he remembered that using dark magic on a dark sorcerer would only increase their power. Merlin took a few deep breaths and got his dark impulses under control. Unfortunately, he'd used up all of his magical reserves. He had nothing left with which to battle. Without his magic, he was a sitting duck.

"Say goodbye," Osrith taunted as he prepared to go in for the kill. Merlin crouched over Arthur, willing to protect his king until the very end.

End Chapter 33

.~.

A/N: I lied. This is the third to last chapter. The battle was so long I had to split it into two chapters. You'll get Part 2 next time and then the final chapter soon after that. Please let me know what you think so far!


	35. The Battle Part II

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: For the druid ceremony, I took parts from several different religions and made it my own. I didn't copy anything directly. If anything, it was inspired by Disney's Pocahontas and Colors of the Wind. "We are all connected to each other, in a circle, in a hoop that never ends." Haha! That part was so fun to write.

Fun fact - a _Triskelion_ is nowadays considered a Christian symbol, the three parts representing the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. However, the origins of the symbol predate Christianity. It's been seen in many different cultures throughout history including the Celts and the Greeks. It's been found as early as 3200 BC in Ireland. This sucker is OLD! I'm pretty sure that they used the Triskelion on the show for the druids. Even if they didn't, I like the symbol, so I'm throwing it in there. Now, back to the battle of the century!

.~.

Chapter 34: The Battle Part II

.~.

"Say goodbye," Osrith taunted as he prepared to go in for the kill. Merlin crouched over Arthur, willing to protect his king until the very end.

That was when Galahad sprang at Osrith, as well as the remainder of the magic students who hadn't fallen. They were able to slowly dissolve his shield by their sheer numbers, attacking him over and over. Ring or not, Osrith couldn't take them all. Galahad managed to pry the ring off Osrith's fingers and put it on. It was easy going after that. Galahad and the rest tied him up, and placed a protective enchantment on the sorcerer so he couldn't move.

"Merlin, you're safe," Galahad informed the court sorcerer as he approached him. "Osrith has been captured."

"I couldn't stop it," Merlin muttered, sitting down on the ground and taking Arthur's hand in his. He could feel the dark magic pulsating throughout Arthur's body. It had already spread. "I failed you. I tried so hard, Arthur! If only I hadn't been distracted. I'd thought we'd won, that we'd be able to… but I'd forgotten about the other threat. I was so foolish. I would do anything to get you back." Merlin leaned over Arthur's prone form and a few tears leaked from his eyes. He knew that crying didn't solve anything, but the situation was truly hopeless. The man that he loved was going to be taken away from him and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

.~.

While the showdown with Osrith was happening, Lochru heard Caelia's faint pleas for help. He dodged several of the remaining bandits and rushed forward to try and heal Caelia. The druid placed his hands upon the wound, but it didn't do any good. He looked over and saw Merlin hunched over Arthur's body as Osrith was captured.

"Merlin! Caelia's wounded!" Lochru called, but Merlin didn't turn around. The druid watched as Caelia's wound filled with dark magic, which slowly ate away at her skin and tissue.

"I'm sorry, my lady," said Lochru, taking her hand in his. He cast a spell that diminished the pain, easing the grimace on Caelia's face. "The wound was made with dark magic."

He didn't have to spell it out to Caelia - she knew what he meant by that. "However, there may be a way that, with the help of my people, Merlin could save one life tonight," said Lochru. "He could possibly save you."

"Is he nearby?" Caelia tried to sit up to look around, but she could barely move.

"Yes, but Arthur's been mortally wounded as well," Lochru informed her. He stared down at her, indecision written on his young face. "I could go get Merlin-"

"No, don't. It's alright," Caelia gasped out. "I won't be responsible for taking Arthur away from Merlin. Save the king's life, Lochru. Soon, I'll be with Bruin."

"Your sacrifice for the life of the king will not be in vain," Lochru vowed as he took her hand in his. "When it's all over, I'll tell Merlin and Arthur everthing."

"Thank you," Caelia said weakly.

"I'll stay with you," Lochru promised, brushing Caelia's hair away from her face as she looked up at him in fear. "You won't be alone."

As the chaos of the battle raged on around them, Caelia slowly slipped away from the world of the living. Lochru closed her eyes, muttered a quick blessing over her, then rushed over to Merlin and Arthur.

.~.

Morgana, Leon, and her group of magic users returned just in time to see Osrith fall. They rushed over towards Merlin, who was openly crying at this point. Lochru quickly joined their group, horrified as he looked at Arthur's still form and back at the grief-stricken Merlin.

Merlin picked up Arthur as if he weighed no more than a toothpick. He stood up, cradling his unconscious king in his arms. "No!" He cried out in anguish. That was when he remembered Morgana's dream. She'd given him a hazy account of how Arthur died in the fight for Camelot and Merlin succumbed to his anger after watching Arthur slowly slip away. Camelot had been overrun by the dark wizards and their followers and Merlin did nothing to prevent his kingdom from gradually crumbling to the ground.

"Your vision was right," Merlin said to Morgana. "I didn't want to believe it, but it came true. Ahhhhhhhhhh!" He shouted, curling his hands into shaking fists. Merlin was breathing in slow, shallow gasps, allowing the fear for Arthur's life to take over. "I'm so _stupid_! I should've known I couldn't alter the future, that I couldn't save him."

"No, Merlin!" Morgana strongly disagreed. "You're the one who's always saying that my dreams don't always come true, that the future is always in motion."

"But Arthur's been hit with dark magic. He's going to die and there's nothing I can do to stop it," Merlin cried. He felt the anger stirring within him. It would be so easy just to let it consume him. With Arthur as good as dead, the future that Merlin had worked so hard to protect would be gone. Not to mention he'd lose the love of his life. At that moment, Merlin looked deep within himself. He knew that if he lived for a thousand ages, he'd never find another soul like Arthur's. He'd never truly be content unless he was protecting his soulmate, doing what he was meant to do. If Arthur was dead, what did it matter what Merlin did?

"Emrys, we might be able to save him," said Lochru.

"How?" Merlin cried. "He's been infected with dark magic. I can't heal that. I tried to heal Bruin awhile ago, but the dark magic was too strong! I don't have that kind of power."

"There may be a way," Lochru said, sounding confident. "We must commune with nature."

"I'm sorry - _WHAT_?" Merlin couldn't believe his ears. "You think that _nature _is going to save Arthur's life?"

"There is a ceremony that we can perform to attempt to rid the king of the dark magic," said Lochru. "There is great magic in our earth, there is ancient magic. You shouldn't underestimate it, Emrys." Merlin thought he head disapproval in the druid's voice, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"He's right, Merlin," Morgana chimed in. "I've read about the ceremony he's talking about. It certainly won't _hurt _Arthur. It's possible it could save his life."

"Alright, we can try it," Merlin reluctantly decided. He didn't have a better idea. He'd never put too much stock in earth magic, finding it too primitive but he supposed it would be worth a shot.

"Bring him outside the castle near the forest," Lochru instructed. "I have mentally called all of my kind to come and help. They shall arrive shortly."

.~.

Fifteen minutes later, the druids assembled in the forest just outside of the castle. Merlin and Morgana stood waiting for them, as did the rest of the uninjured magic users, including Galahad. A light mist had settled over the land, giving the atmosphere an ethereal quality. The air had cooled considerably, and the stars continued to shine above them. It was night in all of her glory. The druids bowed before Merlin, honoring the man they called Emrys, whose very being was magic itself.

Around that time, Gwen, Lancelot, and Elyan ran out of the castle towards them. They'd heard the news and came to see for themselves if it was true. That was when they saw Arthur's still form on the ground. Morgana explained to them as briefly as she could what had happened, and what they were about to attempt. Gwen felt like she needed to make some kind of public gesture towards her husband. So she knelt down next to Arthur, and kissed his cold cheek before backing out of the way and standing next to Lancelot and Elyan. She was putting her faith in the druids, as were Merlin and everyone else.

"Come, we begin," said Lochru. "I suggest that you remove your boots so that your feet can have a direct connection with Mother Earth." Merlin thought it was a bizarre request, but he took his boots off anyway. He let his bare feet grasp the ground, his toes digging into the earth. He hadn't gone barefoot on the grass since before he went to work for Arthur. It felt freeing, in a way. He wasn't sure how this action would help save Arthur, but he went along with it just in case it did.

"Now what am I supposed to do?" Merlin asked, fighting to keep his emotions in check. The longer they waited, the less chance that Arthur had to be cured. Didn't Lochru understand that?

"Emrys, you must calm yourself or the ancient magic will never be able to take effect," Lochru warned. "You must be Arthur's anchor; you must keep him tethered to this life."

"I don't know how!" Merlin cried. "My magical reserves have been depleted from the battle."

"I have plenty of magic left," Morgana offered.

"As do I," Galahad volunteered.

Lochru motioned them forward and had them join hands with Merlin. "Now, draw on their magic - make it a part of you," the druid instructed.

Merlin reached out and sensed the magic flowing within Morgana and Galahad. Between the two of them, there was almost enough to completely replenish his supply. He drew on their magic slowly, bringing it inside himself. When he was finished, he released their hands. Then Merlin performed the calming spell on himself so that he would be centered and not be ruled by his emotions. Merlin could feel the tension ease out his shoulders as he allowed the calming energy to spread throughout his body.

"I've calmed myself as best as I can. What now?" Merlin asked the druid.

"Can you feel the spirit of the earth coursing through you?" Lochru asked.

Merlin didn't think he felt anything more than the grass and twigs beneath his feet, but he agreed anyway.

"Good. It is essential that you connect to the life force of all that is before you attempt such a feat. You see, all of us are connected to the earth, to the seas, to the sky," Lochru explained. "Humans are a part of nature; we are not as separate from it as many people believe."

Merlin wished that the druid would stop waxing poetic about nature and just get on with it.

"I can feel that Arthur's spirit still exists, but it is damaged by the dark magic. His connection to the earth has been blocked, therefore he is trying to reconnect to the source, to all that is. He is searching to cross over to the world beyond this one."

Now the druid had Merlin's attention. "I _won't _let him go!" the warlock said, his expression fierce as he prepared to go head to head with nature herself to save the man that he loved. "Tell me what to do so that he will live!"

The druids came to make a circle around Lochru, Merlin, Arthur, Morgana, and Galahad. They stood bathed in the frothy mist, shrouding their faces from sight. They all joined hands, closing the circle. The druids began to chant in a lyrical language that Merlin recognized but didn't quite understand. He knew the meanings of a few words here and there, but the language was the old tongue and therefore mostly a mystery to him. Gaius had always tried to impress upon him the importance of learning the old tongue but Merlin hadn't really bothered, believing the language wasn't currently in use. Now he wished that he had learned it so that he could understand what was happening.

"What are they saying?" Merlin whispered to Lochru. The druid looked offended that the great Emrys didn't understand their speech.

"We're acknowledging the spirit in each other, and that we are a part of the spirit of the earth," Lochru translated. "If you wish, I can conduct the ceremony in the common tongue."

"That would be appreciated," said Merlin, a little embarrassed that he couldn't understand their language.

Morgana and Galahad nodded as well, as they too wanted to know what was going on.

"I welcome you all tonight to this circle," Lochru began, his voice ringing out into the forest. "We recognize that the spirit of our earth is mother over all. She has the power to bind us together and she has the power to tear us apart. She has dominion over life and over death. Great Mother, we beseech you to heal your servant, Arthur. Grant him a reprieve from death."

"Grant him a reprieve from death," the druids chanted.

"Cleanse him of the negative energies that have settled in his heart," Lochru led.

"Cleanse him of the negative energies that have settled in his heart," Merlin found himself saying, along with Morgana and all who were present.

"Take this burden from him; for his heart is truly pure and his soul is worthy of new life." Lochru continued. "Guide us in removing these energies from him, and help us in replacing them with love and light."

When the crowd finished repeating Lochru's words, they grew silent. Their attention focused on Merlin and Lochru. The druid traced the symbol of the triskelion in the air just over Arthur's chest, imbuing it with glittering golden embers. He drew three spirals and connected them as one, representing the elements of the earth, the sea, and the sky. The ancient symbol remained hanging over Arthur, glowing in the dark and sealing the young king as one who belonged under the protection of Mother Earth.

"Now, take his hand in yours," Lochru quietly told Merlin. "Feel the life that is still within him." Merlin took Arthur's cold hand in his, wishing with all his might that Arthur would stay in the mortal realm with him.

"I can feel your close connection to him, Emrys. I don't even have to touch either of you to feel the strength of your bond. I have never felt such a powerful bond between two people before, especially when one of them doesn't have the gift." Lochru hesitated, wanting to say more but not wanting to reveal Merlin's true relationship with Arthur in front of Galahad and anyone else who might be carefully listening. The druids knew the truth, but they knew it wasn't their secret to tell. They respected Merlin too much for that.

"Yes," Merlin choked out. "He is my best friend. He's the person that matters most to me in the world." The undercurrent of what was not said lingered, but unless one was looking for it, Merlin just sounded like he was worried about his best friend.

"Remember that deep feeling of friendship as you attempt to diffuse the dark magic," Lochru instructed. "Feel that warmth within your heart as you draw the dark energy into your body and release it into the ground. Then, if it is her will, Mother Earth will then destroy it. Arthur was conceived by magic," Lochru reminded them. "It is possible that some of this magic still resides within him, which could assist in the release of the dark energy."

Merlin tried to do as the druid said. He tried to take the dark magic from Arthur's body and bring it into himself so he could diffuse it, but nothing happened. Lochru joined arms with Merlin and tried to help Merlin transfer the magic away from Arthur, but he couldn't do it either.

"It's not working. The dark magic will not leave Arthur - it's embedded in his very essence," Lochru sadly informed Merlin. "Even the cleansing power of the earth is no match for it."

The warlock sagged, exhausted from trying. But he wasn't about to give up that easily. "Is there anything else we can do?" Merlin asked. "Please, Camelot needs… _I _need him to live."

"There may yet be a way," said Lochru, but he seemed hesitant to bring it up.

"What is it?" Merlin pressed.

Lochru frowned. "We rarely use the ritual, but it may be the only way to save the king."

"What ritual?" Merlin asked, not liking where he thought this might be heading.

"There is the ancient rite of a sacrifice. A life for a life - then the balance to nature would be restored." Lochru looked closely at Merlin, as if looking into his very being. "Emrys, would you give your life to save your king?"

Merlin bowed his head, hiding the tears that gathered in his eyes. To him, there was no question as to what his answer would be. "I would give my life, and all that I am. I would give my very soul if it were to save Arthur's."

Guinevere held her hand over her mouth, and choked back a sob. She hoped that everyone watching would think she was upset over her husband's fate, when in truth she was incredibly moved by Merlin's impassioned declaration. Lancelot stood nearby, wishing he could comfort Gwen but not daring to in public.

The queen and her knight had stayed inside the castle with Sir Elyan as their guard during the battle, as Arthur and Merlin didn't want to risk Gwen or her child getting hurt. The three of them hurried out to the forest when the word spread through the castle about the druids gathering around their fallen king. Now they stood as spectators to the druid ceremony, hoping against all hope that Arthur would be returned to them. But they hadn't been prepared to lose Merlin in the process. It was all happening so fast!

Lochru began to speak once again. "Great Mother, we offer to you an exchange; Merlin Emrys willingly gives his life to you in place of Arthur Pendragon. If it is your will, grant his wish."

"If it is your will, so it shall be," the druids replied.

Then Lochru spoke quietly to Merlin. "Whatever has come between you and Arthur, you should resolve it now."

"I don't know if I can," said Merlin, pointing at the crowd.

"I understand," said Lochru. He nodded at his people. The druids began to chant, calling on the ancient magic of the earth to surround the two men. Their voices were low and in unison. The haunting tune was familiar to Merlin. He was comforted by it, as it reminded him of home and a song his mother used to sing when he was very young. It was a song about finding one's true love, and how when you finally recognize them you know deep within yourself that you're meant to be together forever. Ironically, it was fitting, as Merlin was preparing to pay the ultimate price to save his true love's life. They wouldn't be able to live out their life together, and Merlin deeply regretted that. But at least Arthur would live, and Camelot would have her king. Under the circumstances, it was the best scenario that he could hope for.

Merlin began to speak. Galahad was a little too close for comfort, but it couldn't be helped. In anticipation of death, Merlin poured his heart out to Arthur and apologized for his behavior.

"Arthur, I just wanted you to know that I regret what I did to you," Merlin began as he knelt down next to his king. "I swear, I didn't mean for it to happen. I wish I could magically change what happened between us, but I can't. I hope that when you wake up, you'll find it within yourself to forgive me for that, and for giving my life to you." Of course, Arthur didn't answer.

Merlin kept going. "Arthur, my love for you is eternal, but I must pass on and you must stay here. Camelot needs you, Gwen needs you, as does Morgana and the rest of your loyal subjects. I know that you'll help to resolve the conflict between the knights and magic users to the best of your ability. I have faith in you, Arthur. You have become the man you were born to be." Merlin then turned to Lochru after he was finished talking.

"Take my hand," Lochru said, joining hands with Merlin and Morgana.

"What do you need me to do?" Morgana whispered.

"Just send your healing energy to them," Lochru whispered back. Morgana nodded, closed her eyes, and thought about how much she loved Merlin and Arthur, and directed her positive energy towards them.

The druids began to chant again, and their eyes all flashed gold at once. A light blue mist began to rise, encircling Merlin and Arthur, weaving a wiry web around their bodies so that, from afar, they appeared to be one being. The light began to shimmer and pulse in time with Merlin's heartbeat. The warlock enjoyed the soft heat emanating from the blue light. It comforted him, reminding him that there were forces beyond what even he could conjure.

"Arthur, you are destined to unite the five kingdoms," Merlin predicted. "You have Morgana and my students to protect you. With Gwen by your side, you will do great things. You'll never even miss me."

Morgana sniffed, not wanting to lose her mentor and friend but resigned to Merlin's fate. She couldn't blame him - if she were in Merlin's place and her soulmate was about to die, she would've done exactly the same thing.

Merlin realized that what he was about to do was not going to leave any room for interpretation in Galahad's mind about his true feelings for Arthur, but at this moment he just didn't care. He was about to die - he believed he was entitled to this last gesture.

"I love you, king of my heart." Merlin bent over and gently kissed Arthur's lips. After he pulled away, his finger traced the spiral patterns of the Triskelion that hung over Arthur. Then, resigned to his fate, he lay his head on his king's chest and waited for the inevitable.

.~.

End Chapter 34

.~.

A/N: I lied AGAIN! I have one more small-ish chapter before the final one. Don't kill me! I swear, the best laid plans always go awry. PLEASE tell me how you liked the ceremony! There's a little more to come with that, but yeah I'd love feedback about that. I really enjoyed writing descriptions for that, when usually I loathe anything that has to do with descriptions. Thanks!


	36. Resolution

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: There's only one more chapter left! Thanks to everyone who stuck with me for the whole fic. Thanks also for your reviews. If you keep them coming, I just might give you an extra bonus chapter...

.~.

Chapter 35: Resolution

.~.

At first, nothing happened. But then, as Merlin's heartbeat grew fainter and fainter, the pulsations of the light blue mist that encircled the two men began to slow. A small, violet sphere left Merlin's chest and found its home in Arthur's as Merlin's life force was transferred into the king. The light left Merlin's eyes as Arthur began to breathe regularly. Then the blue mist began to dissipate, revealing the separate forms of the warlock and the king. By the time Arthur finally opened his eyes and sat up, all of the magical light had faded, leaving no trace of what had just occurred.

"What's going on?" Arthur asked Lochru, then looked down at his sorcerer's motionless form. "I didn't call the druids. What are you all doing here? What's wrong with Merlin?"

"Sleep," Lochru murmured, directing the spell at the king. He wanted Arthur to have time to recover before he was faced with the truth, that the love of his life was gone. Arthur fell under the spell, and was out like a light. Lochru knew he was only delaying the inevitable, but he thought that Arthur should find out about Merlin's death in private, away from the crowd. It would be better for his image that way. The people didn't need to see their king go to pieces over the death of his court sorcerer and secret lover.

The druids all gathered around Merlin's still form, walking by to pay their respects to the great Emrys who had sacrificed his life for love. Morgana just stared at their queue, not quite understanding what was going on. There was no way that Merlin could be… dead. But the druids were treating him like he was.

Lochru approached the pretty sorceress, placing a comforting arm on her shoulder and jolting her back to reality. "My lady, what do you wish to do with the body?"

Morgana couldn't talk. Her shoulders shook as she watched Arthur sleep, blissfully unaware of what had just happened. And Merlin, he didn't move. Morgana supposed that she was now the head of the magic school. She didn't want to think about that, not now. It was all so surreal. How was she supposed to continue their work without Merlin? She was just the apprentice, not the teacher. She vaguely recognized Sir Leon, and allowed him to pull her away from the scene.

"Bring Merlin to the king's chambers," Gwen instructed after realizing that Morgana couldn't. The bystanders looked at her in surprise. "Do it!" She ordered, not ready to let Merlin go just yet.

Everyone watched, hushed, as four druids carried Merlin's body into the castle. The procession included Lochru, Morgana, and Gwen. Lancelot, Elyan, and Galahad followed, carrying Arthur.

When they reached the king's chambers, they lay Merlin on the bed, and took Arthur into the adjoining room to let him sleep in Merlin's old room.

"I'll stay with the king," said Lochru. "You all should get a few hours of sleep before we face the aftermath of the battle tomorrow."

"Thank you," said Gwen. "Morgana and I shall stay in her room. I can't be near..." she trailed off, meaning that she didn't want to sleep anywhere near Merlin's body.

"I'll see you in the morning," said Lochru. "We can discuss the funeral arrangements then."

Gwen nodded, not wanting to talk about that now. She and her friends left the king's chambers, leaving Lochru to keep watch over the sleeping king and the dead warlock.

.~.

_The next morning_

Lochru had fallen asleep in the chair next to the king's bed as he kept a vigil over Merlin's body. He didn't know what to do when Arthur came in, yawning and expecting to find Merlin still alive.

"Hello," Arthur said politely to Lochru. "Why are you in my chambers?"

"Your majesty, I'm so sorry for your loss. Please, let me explain!" Lochru began, standing up and trying to hide who was on the bed from Arthur's view.

"Explain what?" Arthur wondered. That was when he peered around the druid and saw Merlin laying on the bed. "What's going on with Merlin? Why is he in my bed?"

Lochru bowed his head. "He didn't make it, Sire."

"What are you _talking _about?" Arthur frowned. _Wake up, you lazy daisy,_ he thought, shaking his head at Merlin. "He's just asleep." Arthur rolled his eyes. It was just like Merlin to sleep in, when they needed to discuss the battle, who had died, how many were injured, find out what was the state of the grounds…

As if he'd heard Arthur, Merlin stirred and opened his eyes. It was just as the king had said - Merlin had apparently been merely asleep. "Arthur! G'morning," said Merlin, with a yawn.

"See?" Arthur smiled at the druid.

Lochru was stunned. He had been completely certain that Merlin had been dead last night. He'd seen the life force leave Merlin with his own two eyes. How was it that Merlin was perfectly alright this morning?

"Merlin! How are you still alive?" Lochru wondered. "You were dead last night, I'm certain of it!"

"Just lucky I guess," Merlin demurred, although he knew there was more to it than that.

As if on cue, Gwen, Lancelot, and Morgana burst into the room.

"Merlin! You're alright!" Gwen exclaimed.

"'Course I am. I had to stick around so I could annoy this prat," Merlin joked, nodding at Arthur.

"We're so relieved you're still with us," said Lancelot. "Your magic must be a formidable force if you can cheat death."

"Cheat death?" Arthur asked, looking from Lancelot to Merlin. "Am I missing something here?"

While Gwen and Lancelot fussed over Merlin, Morgana took Arthur aside, and told him what had transpired the night before. Arthur couldn't believe his ears, that Merlin had volunteered his life to save his. That was the very thing Merlin had promised Arthur _never _again to do.

Arthur rounded on his sorcerer. "Merlin, did you really allow the druids to perform a ceremony that featured _you _as their sacrificial lamb in order to save my life?"

"Well, when you say it like that it sounds dumb," Merlin sighed. "But yes."

"You're such an idiot, Merlin!" Arthur cried, gesturing wildly with his arms. "Why would you ever _do _that? I'm not worth that kind of sacrifice!"

"Let's let them catch up," said Gwen, which really meant, 'let's give them some privacy'. Everyone cleared out, leaving Merlin and Arthur alone at last.

Arthur wouldn't stop glaring at his sorcerer. "Dammit, Merlin! You promised me that you'd never do anything like that again."

"Apparently, I lied. A simple thank you would suffice," said Merlin.

"Thank you for saving my life," Arthur said quietly, humbled that his sorcerer would do such a thing when they weren't completely on speaking terms.

"Anytime," said Merlin, and meant it. "I would do it again in a heartbeat."

Arthur frowned, but he let that one go. "There's something I don't understand. If you sacrificed your life for me, how is it that you're still alive?"

"It's a long story that I'd really rather not get into now because honestly, you probably wouldn't believe me and that would really hurt my feelings because-"

"_Mer_lin." It was King Arthur that stood before Merlin, interrupting him and commanding his attention.

"Yes?" Merlin was certain Arthur was about to tell him to 'shut up', but that didn't happen. Nothing could've prepared him for what Arthur said next.

"You must know that what happened last night doesn't change how I feel about you." Arthur regarded him closely, looking to see how Merlin would react to his revelation.

Merlin's blood ran cold. He'd hoped against all hope that when Arthur heard of his sacrifice, it might be enough for him to begin to forgive him. Apparently, he was wrong. Merlin couldn't bear to think of continuing to live in close quarters with Arthur if they continued to exist as they had for the past week - it would be too painful. So he came to the conclusion that he'd have to leave his home and all that he loved there. He would start a new life and try to pick up the broken pieces of his heart that Arthur had left him with. If that was what Arthur wanted, then Merlin loved him too much not to comply. Now all he had to do was figure out how to say goodbye to the man he loved more than life itself.

"I'm going. You don't have to tell me to leave," said Merlin, determined to be the bigger person, to keep his emotions in check. "I'm so, so sorry, Arthur. What I did to you was unforgivable. I'll go now so you won't be reminded of-"

Arthur cut him off. "What are you _talking _about?"

"You want me to leave because you can't bear the sight of me," said Merlin. "I understand. It's time for me to accept that we're over."

"Merlin, you _idiot_, stop." Arthur held up his hand. "Just stop. I know about you being under the influence of the poultices, how that you almost raped me wasn't your fault. I had already forgiven you for that, way before you sacrificed everything for me. I was going to tell you that day at dinner, but you sent me the letter about how everything we did was being watched by Xalvador and I very well couldn't tell you then, could I? I couldn't let him see what you still meant to me. I didn't want him to know that I still cared for you, because he might use that against us." The king felt for his sorcerer. He knew that what had happened wasn't really Merlin's fault, that the dark magic amplified his feelings.

"How can you forgive me?" Merlin's breath caught on the last word. "What I almost did to you was unspeakable. You must send me away to someplace far away where I can never hurt you again."

"But I need you here," Arthur proclaimed. "I need you with me, by my side, as my partner in all that I do. You asked me if I still loved you and the answer is more than ever. Alright?"

"You don't want me as a partner. Not now, not after what I did. You'll never want to be intimate with me again."

"_Mer_lin. I've thought of nothing else for the past few days, ever since the moment I realized what a prat I'd been and that I'd forgiven you." Arthur smiled at him. "Now you're free from the spell of the poultices. It will be as if this never happened. Things can go back to the way they were before."

"No they can't," Merlin said quietly. "The poultices may have exacerbated my emotions, but I know that they still lurk hidden beneath the surface. I have the power within me to give into dark magic."

"I don't think that will happen," Arthur said confidently, and Merlin almost wept at the king's naivete.

"Arthur, you don't know what it feels like when the dark magic takes over," said Merlin, despair clinging to the edge of his voice. "If you only _knew_-"

"So, tell me," Arthur cut in. "Don't let this fear of yours come between us."

"Fine." Merlin hoped that Arthur wouldn't judge him too harshly for what he was about to say, but he felt like he needed to. If he was going to leave, he had to make Arthur understand why.

"The moment you give yourself over to the sweet seduction that is dark magic, you lose all rational thought," Merlin began. "You feel this dark force within you slink to the forefront and take control of your body and mind. The good part of you is instantly paralyzed. Your brain is not your own, your thoughts and your actions aren't your own. You feel that there is a great evil that lurks within you, begging to be unleashed. You see and hear yourself doing terrible things, things you'd never even consider doing if you were in your right mind.

The worst part is while you're under the dark magic's spell, you're still alert and functioning. You're stuck inside your body, still existing as you feel yourself walking and talking. It's like you're locked in a prison cell, banging on the door for someone to come and release you, but no one ever comes. When you finally figure out which way is up and which is down, how to find your way out of the prison, when you finally do resurface, you find that you've done something unspeakable, and that guilt is so hard to bear. You wish that you could only forget what had happened while you were drowning in the darkness but you can't. You have to live with that knowledge forever."

Merlin bit down on the sob that threatened to escape as he remembered what it was like to be living under the dark magic's control. "Arthur, I could fall prey to that darkness at any moment. You deserve better. You're a shining example of what the best of humanity can be, and I will not tarnish that light by remaining at your side."

Arthur glared at Merlin. "First off, even though I'm the king, I'm not someone who should be put up on a pedestal. I make mistakes, just like you. Secondly, you're the one who made me into who I am today. I couldn't be the king I am without having your annoying little voice in my head, influencing every important decision that I make. You're my conscience Merlin, and you guide me towards making the best decisions that I can possibly make. Not just for me, but for all who reside in my kingdom. You made me care about what happens to people who weren't of noble birth. How could someone who does all that good ever be able to tarnish me?"

"Sometimes I'm not always good," Merlin whispered. "Sometimes my dark side wins out."

"But it _didn't _win, not when it mattered most," Arthur said firmly. And then he said the words Merlin hadn't even known he'd been longing for Arthur to say. "Merlin Emrys, I want you, dark side and all."

"You don't know what you're saying," Merlin said, still trying to dissuade Arthur even though all he wanted was to grab his king and never let go. "I could be your downfall."

"You could also be my salvation," Arthur countered. "You sacrificed your life for mine last night, for the millionth time. That's proof enough for me." Then the king grinned at his sorcerer. How Merlin had missed that smile! "Face it, Merlin, you're stuck with me."

"Arthur, I do love you, but I don't know if I can, if _we _can-"

Arthur pressed his lips to Merlin's, effectively cutting him off. "We'll work it out," Arthur breathed.

"But-"

"Merlin, you're my destiny. If you're not here, who's going to protect me from my own stupidity?"

Merlin laughed, almost hysterically. "Arthur-"

"You're not leaving. I _won't _accept that. We need each other. We're so much better together. You make me a whole person, Merlin. How can you just walk away from that?"

"I want to stay, more than anything, but-"

"Then I _order _you to stay."

"I've never listened to your orders in my life," Merlin reminded him.

"Then I beg you, listen to this one. Please Merlin, I don't want to do this alone," Arthur insisted. "And I don't think you do either. Stop acting so noble and for once just let yourself make a choice based on love and not fear."

Merlin gazed deeply into Arthur's eyes. He saw the king's love reflecting back at him. It was possible that he could harm Arthur if they continued their relationship. But it was more likely that they could share in a great happiness, a deep abiding love that would grow and flourish between them as the years passed. Suddenly, his choice became clear. "I choose love. I choose _this_. Things might grow difficult and complicated, but if you're willing to face the darkness, then so am I."

"Thank you," Arthur choked out, relieved that Merlin had finally returned to him. "Merlin, you're _mine_. Do you understand that? If you were to leave, it would destroy me."

"I won't walk away from half which makes me whole," Merlin whispered, and Arthur began to sob, holding tightly to Merlin. Merlin began to cry too, and they became an entangled mess of limbs and tears.

"Look at how pathetic we are," Arthur said after they'd calmed down. "Crying and carrying on like little girls."

"I think after what's happened to us, we can get away with it this once," said Merlin. "I won't tell anyone if you won't."

"You better not," Arthur warned. "It could devastate my reputation as a man."

"A man who allowed himself to be taken on the throne," Merlin pointed out, and then he and Arthur burst into hysterics. Merlin had never laughed so hard in his life. He watched as Arthur threw back his head and chortled.

"I missed this," Arthur wheezed, trying to catch his breath. "I missed laughing with you. I missed sharing my days with you, telling you about the exciting things and the mundane. I also missed our alone time. I say we need to make up for lost time." He waggled his eyebrows at Merlin who couldn't help but point out how ridiculous Arthur looked.

"Later, you prat." Merlin shook his head at Arthur's audaciousness. "We have to meet with everyone and discuss what happened during the battle. We don't even know who survived and who didn't."

"You're right," Arthur agreed with Merlin's sober train of thought. "But when all that is over…"

"Yes," said Merlin. "We'll make time for us."

"I look forward to it," said Arthur, with a smile that could still make Merlin go weak in the knees.

.~.

End Chapter 35

A/N: So I was hesitant to post this author's note because I ultimately want this to be about Arthur and Merlin's story and not myself, but what the hell. I've been using Merlin's experiences with dark magic as a direct parallel with my own struggles with having bipolar disorder. A lot of what he's gone through is true to my own experience (well, not the almost rape part! just, no.) I didn't give him irrational and/or grandiose thoughts or have him hearing voices, but the magnification of his emotions was very true for me. Those few paragraphs where Merlin describes what it's like being stuck within your body when the dark magic takes over was a way for me to convey my perspective of what it was like during a bipolar (manic or high) episode. This story has been very therapeutic for me. Merlin was ultimately able to overcome his inner demons (there will be more about this in the final chapter.) and so was I, so yay for that!

I'd like to dedicate this fic to anyone who has or knows a friend or family member with bipolar, schizophrenia, depression, or any other kind of mental illness. I'm living proof that it's possible to overcome it and have a normal life. It was a really difficult recovery process, but now that I'm on meds that work, I've been stable for over a year and a half now. I have my writing, a good steady job, the best amazing fantastic supportive boyfriend in the world, and a family who has stuck by me through my worst and best. If you have any questions about my experience or mental illness in general, feel free to PM me. I'd love to help. I feel like the stigma around mental illness is finally starting to go away now that people are talking about it more. This is a great thing! The more information you know about something, the less scary it has to be. So that's enough of my soap box. I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I loved writing it! The last chapter should be up soon - it's mostly done.


	37. The End and the Beginning

Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and the four J's - Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps and Julian Murphy. It's not mine. If it were, I'd make Merthur canon!

A/N: So that awful ending of the TV series? In my mind, that never happened. I hope you like what I've done for Merlin and Arthur here. I have gifted you guys with a looooooooong chapter.

I didn't get any reviews for the chapter where Arthur and Merlin made up, so I was a little confused by that but maybe you guys are just saving them for this, the final chapter. I've dedicated a year of my life to this project, and it would be awesome if you could just send me a few words about what the fic has meant to you. Thank you, and enjoy the final chapter (and epilogue) of Merlin's Struggles!

.~.

Chapter 36: The End and The Beginning

.~.

_The day following the battle_

Arthur, Merlin, Morgana, Gwen, Lance, all of the young knights, Sir Caradoc, Geoffrey of Monmouth, Galahad, and Lochru all gathered in the throne room to discuss the battle. Everyone was so surprised to see Merlin alive. People demanded an explanation as to how he was alive but Merlin didn't give them one. Morgana couldn't stop hugging him, thrilled that her mentor and friend had been returned. She had been devastated by his 'death' and was relieved that she didn't have to become headmistress of the magic school. Merlin carefully shrugged her off, citing the need to breathe. Arthur then quickly called the meeting to order, not wanting people to dwell on the semantics behind Merlin's miraculous return.

"I move that our first order of business is to discuss who lived and who died," said the king. "I myself aren't sure."

Lochru took this opportunity to tell everyone how Caelia had died saving Sir Caradoc's life, and how selfless she'd been when Lochru told her there was a possibility that he and Merlin could let her live. Merlin was deeply saddened by this, but he appreciated that she didn't make him have to choose between saving her and saving Arthur. Lochru also announced that three other of Merlin's students had died - two men and one woman. Merlin knew that there would be casualties, as every battle had them. But he didn't know hearing about his students' deaths would hurt so much. Merlin wished that he'd been able to protect them all, and felt like he'd failed those who had died, especially Caelia.

Much to Merlin's surprise, Rowan had miraculously survived after picking a fight with Osrith. When Rowan burst into the throne room, running late for the meeting, Merlin embarrassed his student by rushing over to him and giving him a fatherly hug. Merlin apologized for the emotional reaction, but after hearing the news about Caelia's death, he was understandably overjoyed that one of his other favorite students had lived. Rowan, to his credit, allowed this display of affection. Then Merlin asked him how he was still alive and Rowan said that he didn't know.

The only thing they could figure was that Osrith had spotted his father locked in battle with Merlin, and he'd left to join them before he could finish off Rowan. Whatever the reason, Rowan was grateful to be alive. Merlin couldn't be more proud of him, for playing his part perfectly in order to trick his uncle and cousins. He was less pleased that Rowan took on his cousin alone, but he was grateful that he'd been able to stall Osrith. If Rowan hadn't done that, it was possible that a united force of Osrith and Xalvador could've killed both Merlin and Arthur.

Sir Gwaine thankfully had lived - his shoulder wasn't severely wounded. The court physician told him that his arm would never be the same, thanks to the dark magic that still lived inside. Unfortunately, it was his sword arm that had been injured. But Gwaine was not discouraged. He simply vowed that he'd learn to fight with his non-dominant arm, and that after some months of training, he'd be back doing his regular job as a knight. Sir Percival promised his friend that he would be Gwaine's training partner, since they worked so well together in battle.

Osgau still lived, but he was locked safely within the magic school. Merlin and Morgana had forced the captured Osrith into the school as well, where he would be held along with his brother. Merlin wished that they would simply kill each other, but he knew that he wasn't that lucky.

"We need to decide their fate," said Arthur. "What sentence should they be given?"

They took a vote, and it was an unanimous decision that Osgau and Osrith would be executed. Arthur scheduled their execution for the following day, charging the two with conspiracy to kill the king and the court sorcerer, as well as illegal use of dark magic. Merlin was relieved that after tomorrow, they'd never have to deal with Rowan's power hungry cousins again.

Several of the older knights had been killed by the dark sorcerers, including Sir Pelleas and Sir Owaine. Arthur tried to feel upset that they had died, but secretly all he felt was relief. Now that these men were dead, he wouldn't have to put up with their prejudices any longer. Not only that, but he had the chance to fill their spots with new, open-minded men.

Sir Caradoc had lived, thanks to Caelia's quick thinking. He was very subdued during the meeting, as he was mourning the loss of his friends, Pelleas and Owaine. Arthur hoped that Caradoc would change his perspective on magic users now that he'd been saved by one. He realized that they'd gone through the list of people who had lived. Now it was on to the next question.

"What of the bandits? Have they been taken care of like we planned?" Arthur asked.

"Yes, your majesty," Rowan promised. "They have agreed to your terms."

While the druids were performing the ceremony on Arthur, Rowan and a band of knights had gone out to meet the few bandits that had remained on the castle grounds, tending to their injured. Rowan offered them a choice, one that Arthur and Merlin had come up with before the battle had been won. They could accept the job of repairing the damage they'd done to Camelot as well as the druids' homes, or they would be executed for treason. The men were surrounded by knights, so they didn't have a chance to leave. None of the bandits wished to be executed so they agreed to help fix the damage that they'd done, as well as to work for the king for an undetermined amount of time to serve their sentence for attacking the kingdom.

"After the druids finished their ceremony, many went to the bandits to offer their healing services for their injured," Rowan informed them. "Their service has been invaluable."

"I never doubted that," said Merlin, looking at Lochru with a smile.

"Ahem. Let's get back to business," said Arthur. "What is the state of the grounds?"

"There's a good amount of rubble, along with some of the dead bodies of the bandits," Geoffrey informed them.

"Is anything being done about that?" Arthur asked.

"Yes. I suggested that the knights and the magic users work together to bury the bodies and fix up the grounds, as well to supervise the bandits' work," said Geoffrey. "They're still at it as we speak."

"And they're getting along?" Merlin sounded skeptical.

"They are for now," said Geoffrey.

"Excellent," said Arthur with a grin, before sobering quickly. "Any other business we need to attend to?"

"What ever happened to that magic ring?" Morgana asked. "The one that Osrith used."

"I've been holding it for safekeeping," Galahad assured them. "I can keep it for you if you want."

"Thank you, but I'll take it from here," Merlin said firmly, confiscating the ring from Galahad. "I've learned that the power of this ring is too great to entrust it to one person. It won't be used again."

Arthur asked if anyone had any other issues to address but no one said a word. The king then dismissed them all, not wanting to make the meeting longer than it had to be. He knew that they, like himself, were very tired from the events of the previous night.

Merlin then took the magic ring deep within the royal vaults, hiding it in a special place only he knew about. He'd learned his lesson, about the ring falling into the wrong hands, even if he'd had the noblest of intentions of giving it to a worthy person. It just wasn't worth the risk, especially since Arthur had almost been killed by it. It was best to leave the ring hidden away, where no one could be tempted by it - not even him. Merlin left it in a locked chest in the ground, magically disfiguring the lock so that no one could open it. He was glad to finally be rid of the ring once and for all.

.~.

The meeting hadn't been adjourned for more than five seconds when Sir Caradoc approached Arthur and took him aside. The king, of course, was _thrilled_ to talk with the knight who had been a thorn in his side for so long.

The knight didn't waste any time on the pleasantries. "Sire, I wish to retire and give up my knighthood," he blurted out.

"Is this about how you were saved by Caelia in the battle?" Arthur asked. "I know being saved by a woman can be a blow to your pride, but you shouldn't let it get to you." The king gave the knight a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "There was one time when I was fifteen and Morgana saved me during a tournament. I moped about it for weeks. I questioned if I was man enough to continue with my training as a knight. It was a very difficult time in my life." Arthur laughed at Caradoc's thunderstruck expression. "I'm only kidding," he said. "And you're not laughing," he said, realizing that Caradoc was not amused.

"No," said Caradoc, giving Arthur a strange look. "This is no laughing matter. I've thought long and hard about this decision. I know myself, Sire, and I still have prejudices against magic, even when it is used for good. It would not be appropriate for me to continue to serve on the force."

"Even after Caelia sacrificed herself to save you, you _still _can't accept magic users?" Arthur asked, flummoxed by this man's thought processes.

"I do not wish to," said Caradoc, crossing his arms across his chest. "I don't trust them, and I never will. However, I am grateful to the girl for realizing that I, a knight, should've survived and she should've died defending me."

"That's not why she did it," said Arthur, astonished by this man's arrogance. "She saw that you were about to be killed, and tried to make sure it didn't happen. It wasn't because you were a knight, or because you were a noble. She cared about you, if you lived or died, even though you were the one that killed her husband! That is the true sign of nobility."

"That is your opinion," said Caradoc, with a nod.

Arthur couldn't believe the audacity of this man, and took great pleasure in what he said next, trying to keep the glee out of his voice. "Sir Caradoc, I release you from my service and strip you of your knighthood."

"Thank you, Sire," said Caradoc. "I'll be content to live out the rest of my days with my son and his wife." King and former knight stared awkwardly at each other. Arthur felt like he should say something before Caradoc left, to give them a little closure.

"I really appreciate that you came forward," said Arthur. "Not many men would have the courage to do that. Thank you for all your years of service that you gave my father, and the months you gave to me."

Caradoc nodded, and then left the room. Arthur hardly ever saw him after that. The king was perplexed as to why the old knight couldn't accept the magic users, but he supposed that some people would never change. If Arthur was truly honest with himself, he was disappointed to learn that Caradoc wasn't changed by Caelia's sacrifice. But on the bright side, Caradoc was gone and Arthur never had to deal with his prejudices again. Unfortunately, this meant that Arthur was now short yet another knight. But a solution to that problem presented itself easily enough.

It had not gone unnoticed by Arthur and Merlin how well that Galahad had fought in the battle. Yes, he had some magic, but he was an exceptional swordsman and he could hold his own along most of the best knights of the realm. As soon as Arthur was finished talking with Caradoc, he sought out Galahad, who hadn't gone far. Right then and there, Arthur offered him the position as knight-in-training. The young lad eagerly accepted. He couldn't believe his good fortune! It wouldn't be long before he became Sir Galahad, and he'd be the first knight to also have magic. Arthur and Merlin hoped that he could serve as a liaison between the knights and the magic users, as Galahad would have both perspectives. They had no way of knowing that Galahad would be the first of several knights who also had magical abilities, and that these men would be instrumental in ensuring Camelot's safety.

.~.

It was around sunset that Arthur and Merlin stumbled onto the bed, exhausted from the day's work of clearing the square of all traces of the battle. Even with Merlin's students using magic, it still wasn't completely cleaned. But at least all the bodies were gone, and the stain of blood on the cobblestones had been scrubbed away.

"Ugh, I'm so tired I can barely move," Arthur groaned. He wanted to go straight to sleep, but he'd been outside working and he knew that he probably didn't smell so great. He should take a bath, but he felt bad asking Merlin to get it when he knew that his warlock was as just as tired as he was, if not more so. Still, he wished that Merlin would draw him a bath.

"Lucky you have me," said Merlin, who magically readied Arthur's bath. "The water's ready," he informed Arthur.

The king thanked Merlin for his initiative. He quickly stripped down and got into the bath, sighing happily as he relaxed in the warm water. Then he remembered that there was still some tension between him and Merlin. The king and warlock awkwardly stared at each other. It was the first time that Arthur had been naked around Merlin since that awful day.

"Can I join you?" Merlin asked, sounding rather tentative. "I mean, if you're not okay with that, I can-"

"Yes," Arthur said simply, agreeing to much more than just sharing a bath.

Merlin wordlessly removed his clothes and got in the bath. "Arthur," he whispered. "I want-"

"I know," Arthur cut in. "I want it too."

Merlin took this to mean that Arthur was ready for more. The warlock leaned in for a kiss and Arthur eagerly captured his lips with his own. Merlin let out a small sigh as their lips came together. It felt so right! Finally, they were able to express their feelings that they had recently denied. The kiss grew quite heated, and their hands began to roam.

"Wait." Arthur gently pushed Merlin away before things became too heated.

"Why?" Merlin asked, hurt at the minor rejection.

"You haven't told me how you're still alive," Arthur glared at Merlin.

"Oh," said Merlin, realizing why Arthur had wanted to stop. "Err…" He didn't know how he was going to explain that.

"Morgana told me that she was certain you were dead that night, and you just miraculously woke up the next morning? I don't buy it. There's more to the story than that," said Arthur. "Well?"

"Arthur, I don't know if you're ready to hear all that…" Merlin tried. "It's very complicated and-"

"If there's something going on that I don't know about, I need you to tell me," Arthur said. "Please, Merlin. I deserve an explanation. Trust works both ways."

"Alright," Merlin sighed. "I'll tell you."

They finished washing up, dressed in their night clothes, and got comfortable in Arthur's bed.

"I'm ready whenever you are," said Arthur, curling around Merlin's form and snuggly wrapping an arm around his stomach.

"This explanation is going to sound weird and probably a little confusing, but just keep an open mind," Merlin cautioned.

"I will," Arthur promised.

"That night, during the ceremony, the moment you woke up, my soul travelled to this other place," Merlin began. "I don't remember the details, just that it was beautiful and I felt so calm and safe there. When I arrived, I was met by a woman. Arthur, it was your mum!"

"Ygraine was there?" Arthur couldn't believe it.

"Yes. She came to me and told me how proud she was of you, of us, how we managed to stay together even though you had to marry Gwen." Merlin smiled, remembering Ygraine's encouraging words. He wished he could remember them verbatim, but his memory wasn't that good. "She strongly approves of the way you've been running the kingdom, especially that you've been making things more equal for everyone."

"She said she was proud of me?" Arthur sounded hesitant.

"Yes, very much," Merlin assured him. "She said she couldn't have asked for a better son."

Arthur beamed at Merlin, warmed by the compliment. "Go on," said the king.

Merlin did. "I asked her if I was dead, and she said no, but that the sacrifice worked because I believed that I would have to give up my life for yours. She then told me about the full extent of my powers, that I had been born immortal. I was sent here to watch over you for the rest of your life, to guide your reign so that you would unite the lands. When your life ended, I was to stay here and watch over the fate of the world for many centuries until it was time for you to be reincarnated and return to Earth."

"So I would pass on to the afterlife and you would be stuck in the mortal world," said Arthur. "Oh _Merlin_," the king breathed, concern evident on his fair face as he held his warlock tight. "You don't deserve that!"

"Understandably, I was very upset. I told her that I didn't want that destiny, that I didn't want to be parted from you for so many centuries," Merlin said quietly. "I asked if there was any way to change it. She then said that I could change that fate if I anchored myself to someone mortal who I was close to."

"She better have meant me," Arthur growled.

"Of course, you prat. Who else?" Merlin chuckled at Arthur's reaction. "She said that if I bound myself to you on a soul level and I gave up the full breadth of my immortality, I could live out my years on Earth with you. Then when you eventually died, I could will myself to follow you."

"I'm glad there was an alternative," said Arthur, relieved that Merlin wouldn't have to face that lonely fate, and that he wouldn't have to be without Merlin.

"If I did that, we would share the same life essence and we would both be immortal - relatively speaking. We would still age at a normal rate and we would die when it was our time, but we would be able to heal ourselves from injury and disease," Merlin explained. "I told her that I wanted to talk to you first before I bound us together for all time. But, she said that I wouldn't get the chance, that I'd have to do it if I wanted to ever see you again. She also mentioned that the binding wouldn't work if you didn't want it."

"I hope you did it," Arthur said. "That healing stuff sounds really handy. And then there's the part about you being alive."

"I think I did," said Merlin. "I'm here aren't I?"

"How can we tell for sure?" Arthur wondered.

"Think a thought and direct it at me," Merlin instructed.

/Can you read my thoughts?/ Arthur thought at Merlin.

/Yes. / Merlin heard Arthur in his mind as clear as if he'd spoken. /Can you hear me?/ Merlin asked.

/Yes./ Arthur thought. /This is so strange./

"Arthur, it worked!" Merlin breathed.

"We're really… what's it called...bonded?" Arthur asked.

"Yes."

"And how is it that I can hear you in my head?"

Merlin winced. "The sharing of thoughts, that's a side-effect of the bonding. Don't worry, you'll be able to learn some shielding techniques so you can have your thoughts to yourself. I hope you're not too mad about that part."

"Mad?" Arthur scoffed. "Do you even _know _how much better sex will be when we can talk to each other with our minds?"

"You _would _fixate on that bit," sighed Merlin, but nonetheless, he gave Arthur a ridiculous grin. "I'm glad you're not mad."

"Like you said, the bonding wouldn't have worked if I hadn't wanted it too," said Arthur, returning his grin. "I'm just glad that we won't ever have to be parted."

"Me too," Merlin confessed. "You know, your mum said that our most likely future is one where we both live to ripe old ages."

"I hope so," said Arthur. "I can't wait to see what you look like when you're old and gray. You'll probably have a long white beard and be really crotchety."

"And you'll probably look similar to Uther," Merlin shot back, in retaliation for the crotchety comment. "Only bald."

"Hey!" Arthur gently bopped Merlin on the head. "You know I take after my mother. Take that back!"

"Never," Merlin grinned.

This led to an impromptu tickle fight, which Arthur was able to win because Merlin was ticklish just about everywhere.

"So does this mean that we're kind of married?" Arthur asked, after they'd calmed down.

"We're more than that, Arthur! I don't think two people can be closer than this," Merlin said happily. "We may not be together in title, but our souls know the truth."

"And to think you weren't going to tell me about any of this because it was too _complicated_," said Arthur.

"Sorry," Merlin blushed. "I would've told you about it eventually. I guess I was scared to tell you about the bond."

"_Mer_lin. There was no reason to be scared," said Arthur. "And here I thought I was going crazy, when I would think about asking you to do something and you would do it, like you did with the bath."

"It will take some getting used to," said Merlin. "But it will come in handy in a lot of situations."

"Care to test that theory using thought-speech during sex?"

"Definitely," said Merlin, his heart beginning to speed up just thinking about what all that might entail.

"Well then." Arthur gave Merlin a predatory stare, his voice dipping an octave lower because he knew how that affected Merlin. "Tell me what you want to do."

With his thoughts, Merlin did. Needless to say, their wordless conversation while they made love was a complete success that led to a beautiful new kind of intimacy. Arthur and Merlin eventually drifted off to sleep in each other's arms, the rift between them more than completely healed.

.~.

_The following morning_

Osgau and Osrith were scheduled to be hanged at dawn. Arthur had made it a rare public execution. People weren't required to attend, but many did, wanting to witness for themselves the end of the dark sorcerers who had tried to take over the kingdom. Rowan had asked to be in the balcony, wanting his cousins to see him allied with the king and court sorcerer as they were sentenced for their crimes. Arthur and Merlin had granted his request, and allowed Rowan to stand with them and Gwen.

Morgana and all of Merlin's students were present as the guards led Osgau and Osrith from the magic school to the execution in the square.

The guards didn't have much to do. Osgau and Osrith knew when they were beat. They voluntarily walked up to the nooses, and allowed the ropes to be tucked around their heads.

"Any last words?" Arthur asked.

"I curse you, Arthur Pendragon, for killing my father!" Osrith cried. "There are other sorcerers like us who are still out there, biding their time to take over the kingdom."

Osgau continued, "They'll go after the person you love most in this world - your wife. She'll never be safe. When you least expect it, they'll strike and kill her and your heir."

Gwen gasped in horror. The queen's hands automatically went to her stomach. She glanced over at Arthur, who placed a steadying hand on her stomach, and Merlin, who quietly assured her that they'd never get close to her child.

"Kill them," Arthur instructed, nodding at the executioner.

"Send them back to hell where they belong," Merlin added.

The ground dropped out from under the brothers and it wasn't long before they had stopped moving. "Let that be a lesson to all those who might consider using dark sorcery," Merlin warned as the guards cut the bodies down. "It won't be tolerated in this kingdom. Anyone who uses it to harm others will end up just like they did."

A low murmuring could be heard throughout the crowd, before they began to disperse. Merlin nodded at Arthur. He hoped that they'd gotten through to their subjects, that dark sorcery was not acceptable and that anyone who used it to harm someone would be punished.

Rowan then asked Merlin if he could have time off from his serving duties until further notice while he tried to make sense of what had happened with his family. Merlin granted this wish, knowing Rowan needed some time to himself. But he hoped that Rowan didn't take too long - he really didn't want to have to look for another servant for him and Arthur. The less people who knew the truth about him and Arthur, the better.

.~.

Galahad approached Merlin after the execution.

"You wished to speak with me?" Merlin asked.

"Yes. I was hoping that we could go some place private."

"I was going to take a walk in the woods to clear my head," said Merlin. "It's been a hectic morning. You're more than welcome to come along."

"Thanks." Galahad wordlessly followed Merlin as they left the castle and made their way down the dirt path that led to the forest.

"What is it?" Merlin asked, after he made sure there wasn't a soul in sight.

"I just wanted to make sure you didn't miss the golden opportunity that the dark sorcerers gave you by cursing the queen." Galahad wore a slightly mischievous smile.

"What are you talking about?" Merlin asked.

"Well, for one, I think it's great that they believe that Guinevere is the person that matters most to Arthur. We both know _that's _a lie." Galahad chuckled and Merlin's eyes almost bugged out of his skull. "Now, if it were me, I would assign Sir Lancelot as the queen's official protector," Galahad suggested. "That way they have an excuse to spend most of their time together. Especially when the baby is born - Lancelot will need a reason to be around his son." Galahad gave him a knowing look.

"What you speak of is treason," Merlin ground out, terrified that they'd all been found out. "You have no proof of these accusations."

"No, I don't," said Galahad. "But I spoke with Caelia earlier on the day that she was killed. She'd figured out that you'd used her to fabricate the lie, that the heir was Arthur's when Gwen was already pregnant with Lancelot's child. Caelia wanted me to tell you that she didn't blame you for using her to spread the rumor, and that she thought your plan was a good one."

"What do you want in payment for keeping quiet about this?" Merlin said wearily. "Money? A title? Land?"

"I don't want anything!" Galahad insisted, hurt that Merlin automatically assumed the worst. "I just wanted to help you and the king. I want the best for Camelot. You see, I found something out that might put a wrench in your plans. The other night, I was at the tavern. The knights were there drinking and I overheard Sir Gwaine telling Sir Percival that Gwen's baby was going to have magic. Sir Gwaine thought that was odd, since Gwen and Arthur have no known relatives with magic, but that Lancelot had a grandfather who had the gift." Galahad gave Merlin a knowing look.

"I'm going to fucking murder Gwaine," Merlin muttered.

"So it _is _true," Galahad breathed, correctly interpreting Merlin's reaction. "The baby _is _Lancelot's. I knew it!"

"If you so much as _think _about telling anyone, I'll kill you myself," Merlin threatened, hoping that he wouldn't have to go through with it. He'd seen enough violence in the battle for many lifetimes.

"Relax," said Galahad, holding up his hands. "You just need a good cover story, when it comes out that the baby has magic. Something you can say to prove that the child is Arthur's."

"I've got it!" Merlin exclaimed. "Arthur was conceived by magic itself. Perhaps that would do the trick to explain why his child would have magic."

"Arthur was conceived by _magic_? Really?" Galahad seemed delighted, then shook his finger at the court sorcerer. "You are not very good at keeping secrets, Merlin."

"No, that was the lie I'm going to tell the people to explain why the baby has magic," Merlin countered, but Galahad saw right through him.

"Merlin, you can trust me. I also wanted to tell you that I fully support you and Arthur's relationship." Merlin opened his mouth to speak but Galahad stopped him. "No, please don't deny it. I saw you kiss him the night of the ceremony after you proclaimed your love."

"Yes, well, that was just-" Merlin floundered, trying to think on his feet. "I thought I was about to die. Just because I did that doesn't mean that Arthur returns those feelings."

"Merlin, I've seen the way he looks at you," Galahad said knowingly. "I know you two are together. It's not a big deal to me."

"To most people, two men together is a big deal," Merlin said, still not confirming or denying what Galahad said.

"I just don't think I have the right to judge how people live their lives. Uther thought that he did, and look how that turned out with the purge against magic. As long as you and Arthur continue to be exemplary leaders, I could care less what happens behind closed doors." Galahad gave Arthur an encouraging nod. "I promise you can trust me."

"I'll try. I'm sorry that I'm so suspicious," said Merlin. "I trusted Rowan, and look how that turned out."

"I understand," said Galahad.

"Thank you for your support," Merlin said finally. "It means more to me than you could know. You just took me by surprise."

"I'm so grateful to the king for giving me a shot at knighthood," said Galahad. "If you ever need a personal guard who knows your secret, I would be happy to help."

"Arthur and I both believe you have what it takes to become a knight," said Merlin. "And actually, a personal guard would be appreciated right now. Our servant has been on hiatus," said the warlock, referring to Rowan. "He's having a bit of a personal crisis, and at the moment, he has refused to do his usual duties for Arthur and I."

"I've been talking to Rowan today," said Galahad. "I've been trying to get through to him. He's having a hard time of it. He's lost the only family he's ever had, even if they did have a strained relationship."

"He needs a friend," said Merlin.

"I'll look after him," Galahad promised. "He's confused as hell after being raised by someone like Xalvador. But he made the right choice in the end. Did you have something to do with that?"

"I showed him that his father was Uther's court sorcerer, before the purge," said Merlin. "That made Rowan believe that he was entitled to a high ranking position in the king's household. I told him that if he worked for our side and convinced his uncle to come attack us when we were ready for him, that Arthur would pardon his crimes and that he'd be given a special position. I was, of course, lying about the position."

"Maybe you weren't. I've got an idea," Galahad grinned.

.~.

Later that day, Rowan reported to the king's chambers to meet with Merlin.

"You wished to see me?" Rowan asked.

"Yes. I wanted to tell you that the king has honored our deal. He has given you a full pardon for all of your previous crimes," said Merlin. "We appreciated all you did for us before and during the battle."

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!" Rowan cried. "Now I'll finally be free of Xalvador and the shadow he's cast on my life."

"There's something else. You told me you wanted a position of power, so I made one for you," said Merlin. "From this day forward, you'll have the pleasure of being Head of Camelot's sanitation department."

"No, that's not necessary!" Rowan was horrified.

"No, I _insist_," Merlin said evilly. "If you prove yourself to be worthy of that position, then we can talk about giving you a different job. But for now…"

"Please, Merlin, anything but that!" Rowan begged. "I worked as a stable boy for far too long to know that sanitation is the last thing I'd _ever _want to deal with. I'd much rather be your and Arthur's servant."

"But what about your fear? What if you caught Arthur and I doing something untoward?" Merlin pressed, hiding a smile.

"You know I wouldn't want to see that. You wouldn't be so careless," Rowan realized.

"No, we wouldn't," said Arthur, stepping out of the adjoining room to stand beside Merlin.

"Your majesty!" Rowan colored as he realized that Arthur had been listening the entire time. "I didn't mean to…"

"It's alright," Arthur soothed. "I'm aware that you aren't comfortable with the idea of Merlin and I… being together. That's fine. We'll make sure that we won't engage in any public displays of affection when you're around. I'm just happy to hear that you're going to continue to be our servant."

"Me too," Rowan admitted. "Although it's not a position I want to have forever. I mean…" He tried to recover, not wanting to sound ungrateful in front of the king. "Not that I don't enjoy it, it's just that..."

"You have aspirations to be something more than a servant," said Arthur. "That is commendable. We know that, Rowan. It won't be forever."

"Thanks," Rowan said quietly. "Umm, do you think I might be able to read your mother's diary sometime? I'd like to find out more about my mother and father and what their lives were like here."

"Yes," said Arthur. "Merlin and I want to finish reading it first, but when we're finished, you can borrow it."

"I appreciate it." Rowan turned to go, but Arthur called after him.

"Rowan?" Arthur's voice made the boy turn around. "For what it's worth, I wanted to apologize for my father's actions. He never should've killed your father. Uther had no excuse for his behavior. I wish I could do something to make it up to you."

"There is a painting of my parents standing next to yours," Rowan said, trying not to sound too eager. "Perhaps I could-"

"It's yours," Arthur declared as Merlin went to go get it.

"Thank you, Sire," Rowan said respectfully.

"Just Arthur," said the king. "I think you've earned that right."

"Yes, Sire," Rowan said quickly and Arthur hid a smile. Merlin appeared with the painting, and all three of them admired the artist's work. There was an incredible likeness of Uther and Ygraine, as well as Rowan's parents, Hannah and Ruadhan. Rowan then cast a shrinking spell on the painting to make it easier for transportation.

"You may go," Arthur dismissed him. Rowan hurried out of the room, clutching the painting of his parents as if it were more precious than gold.

"That went well," Merlin remarked.

"I enjoyed the part where you made him the head of the sanitation department," said Arthur with a twinkle in his eye.

"That was Galahad's idea," Merlin admitted. He told Arthur all about what Galahad had figured out about them. "He seems genuine enough," said Merlin.

"So did Rowan," said Arthur, trying not to seem too bitter.

"I think we can trust him to keep his mouth shut. He had a good idea about Lancelot," Merlin admitted, telling Arthur about what Galahad had said about assigning the knight to be Gwen's personal protector. "It would be a way for them to be together without the public realizing what was really going on."

"Agreed," said Arthur. "We can make that happen."

"What about the fact that the baby has magic?" Merlin worried.

"We could spread a rumor that Gwen had a magical relative on her mother's side," said Arthur. "It shouldn't be that hard for people to believe."

Merlin nodded, enjoying just looking at his king.

"Do I have something on my face?" Arthur asked, a little unnerved by Merlin's intent look.

"What? No," said Merlin.

"You're staring at me." Arthur caught him in the act.

"Maybe," Merlin admitted. "I'm just glad things are finally going well between us."

"I am too," said Arthur, and drew Merlin into his arms for a hug. He totally ruined the moment by releasing Merlin and changing the subject. "So I was thinking about our new council. With twelve knights, you, me, Morgana, Gwen, and Geoffrey, the long table just doesn't seem fitting. I just don't know how to fix that. Maybe have two separate tables? But that would just make things more confusing. We'd have to repeat ourselves. Argh, this is so frustrating! There has to be _something _we can do to make this easier on ourselves," Arthur lamented.

Suddenly, inspiration struck Merlin. "What if we used a table that was round?"

"Why? So that everyone would have equal standing?" Arthur asked.

"No, so that we'd be able to see and hear everyone," said Merlin. "It's very practical."

"Ah," said Arthur. "Good point. A round table - interesting. I like it! I'll have our carpenters get on that right away. You know, every once in awhile, Merlin, you do have intelligent ideas."

"Thanks," said Merlin, gladdened by Arthur's response but still expecting a trick. "What's the occasion for the compliment?"

"So, I was thinking, about the round table," Arthur began.

"_No_, Arthur," Merlin said, exasperated. He knew _exactly _where this was going. "We're not having sex on it."

"Aw, why not?" Arthur pouted.

"You promised," Merlin reminded him.

"You're no fun," Arthur grumbled, but he remembered how he promised earlier not to try and talk Merlin into something he didn't feel comfortable doing. So he stopped. "It really is a good idea, though."

"I thought so," said Merlin, trying not to sound too pleased with himself.

"So when is your school going to start up again?" Arthur asked. Merlin's students - those who weren't injured - were still assisting with the rebuilding process, helping the knights return the city to the way it was before the battle.

"I think we'll start up on Monday," said Merlin. "My students will have today and tomorrow off for the weekend, and then we can resume our lessons. I think it's important to return to our regular routine as soon as possible. I know we've lost people, but life goes on. Each day, we have a chance to make the world a better place."

"I agree," said Arthur. "Speaking of making the world a better place - I'm calling another council meeting tomorrow. I've decided that it's time that I take steps towards uniting our kingdom with those of our neighbors. I've put it off long enough. Since my mother reminded you that it was my destiny, I believe that it's time that I start working towards it. There's also the fact that we were somewhat vulnerable during the battle. I would've breathed a lot easier if we knew we had allies that we could count on to help us."

"I'm so glad to hear that," said Merlin, relieved that Arthur was ready to start working towards their ultimate goal. "I know it will take a lot of work and probably a lot of diplomacy. You'll have to spend long hours meeting with the four other kings, finding out what they want in order for the merger to happen. I'll be teaching at the school, so you'll have to pay attention yourself since I won't be there to remember everything for you." Merlin gave Arthur a knowing look.

"I can handle it," Arthur assured him. "I think a part of me will always find meetings to be dull, but now I understand why they are necessary. It is exciting to think that I'll be the one responsible for uniting our lands. It will be beneficial for us, and it will be beneficial for the other kingdoms as well. In the end, everyone will win. I'm sure the negotiations will be tedious, but it will be worth it in the end. Just imagine it, Merlin! All five kingdoms at peace, where everyone has the opportunity to pursue their hopes and dreams. Where the rulers will be just and fair, and the people will have all of their basic needs met. That is what I want for all under my protection."

"I have no doubt that eventually you will make it happen," said Merlin.

"Only if you're by my side," said Arthur.

"I'll be there," Merlin promised. "You know, if you ever _do _get bored during the meetings, you can always talk to me in your head."

Arthur grinned at him. "That sounds great. But I thought you were all about me being responsible."

"Everyone needs a little fun now and then. Even kings," Merlin insisted. They were quiet for awhile, each contemplating their long journey to where they were today.

"Can you believe that you came to Camelot almost four years ago, looking for work as Gaius's apprentice?" Arthur asked, voicing exactly what Merlin had been thinking about.

"Has it really been that long?" Merlin wondered.

"Yes."

"Well, I guess time flies when you're working for a prat like you," said Merlin.

"I had to deal with an idiot servant who wouldn't even tell me he had magic," Arthur countered. "Much less that he loved me."

"We've come a long way," Merlin remarked. "And you know what?"

"What?" Arthur humored him.

"I've enjoyed every step of the way."

Arthur brought his forehead to rest against Merlin's. "I'm so glad we're together. I didn't know what I was missing until I found you." /I love you, Merlin Emrys./ Arthur thought. /Forever./

/Forever./ Merlin echoed as they sealed it with a kiss.

.~.

_The next day_

That morning, Arthur had an insight that might help Merlin concerning his fear about using dark magic; consult with the druids. Merlin thought this would be wise, and went to speak with Lochru after breakfast.

"What can I do for you, Emrys?" The druid was happy to see him, and felt honored that Merlin would seek his council.

"I wanted to ask your opinion on something," said Merlin. "I want to learn how to manage my anger, as well as my other emotions. Even though I'm not under the influence of dark magic, I know I still have that capacity to lose it. I want to be in control of my actions as much as possible. Do you have any suggestions?"

"I would recommend daily meditation," said Lochru.

"I thought you'd say that. Could you teach me how?" Merlin requested.

"I'd be glad to," said Lochru with a smile. "My kind meditates every morning at sunrise. Since some of us will be staying in the castle while our homes are being rebuilt, you can join us. Then, when we leave, you can do the practice on your own."

"Thanks," said Merlin, inwardly groaning that he'd have to rise so early. "I'm still not sure I believe in the effectiveness of meditation, and it sounds really difficult. But I'm willing to give it a try."

"It is difficult when you first start. It's hard to clear your mind, as you're used to having your thoughts run uncontrolled. But when you do it correctly, you feel connected to the earth and all that is," said Lochru. "It is an incredible feeling, and you become at peace with yourself. All of your fear is erased and instead you feel love."

"That sounds great," Merlin admitted. "It is really important to me that I feel more in control of my emotions. I owe it to Arthur and my students, but mostly I owe it to myself."

"Well, it seems you're properly motivated. I'll see you tomorrow morning in the gardens," said Lochru.

"You can count on it," said Merlin, glad to be taking a step that could lead to emotional freedom.

.~.

_The next day_

Just as he'd planned, Arthur called a meeting of the council. After he called everyone to order, he shared the idea of the round table.

"I have decided to commision a round table for us. It will be our special table, to use while we hold meetings."

"Ah, so we can have equal standing?" Morgana asked. "So no one will be sitting higher than another?"

"Exactly," said Arthur with a nod.

/I thought we're getting the table so we could all hear and see everyone better./ Merlin thought at his bonded.

/Shut up, you./ Arthur thought amiably. /Equal standing sounds better./

"Wow, a round table!" Sir Gwaine enthused. "That's certainly different. I think we should have a special name for us. How about, the Knights of the Round Table?"

"I like that," said Sir Percival, immediately agreeing with Gwaine.

"I agree" added Sir Leon.

All the knights quickly voiced their approval. Unfortunately for them, Arthur shot that down.

"No, I don't think that would be appropriate," said the king. "Merlin's not included in that," Arthur pointed out. Then he remembered the rest of the people who were in the room. He inwardly berated himself for the slip, for favoring Merlin over Gwen. _Oh well_, he thought. It wouldn't be the first time it happened, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. "Neither are Queen Guinevere, Lady Morgana, or Geoffrey. I think we should be known as the Council of the Round Table."

The knights weren't as pleased with that title - it just didn't have the same ring to it. But since Arthur was their king, they agreed with what he said. Thus, they were known to the people as the Council of the Round Table.

With that out of the way, Arthur made a very important announcement, one that he hadn't talked to Gwen or Lancelot about. He and Merlin wanted to make it a surprise.

"I haven't forgotten about the threat that the dark sorcerer made towards Guinevere," Arthur began. "I'm taking it very seriously - there are sure to be other dark wizards out there that wish to cause us harm. I can't be there to protect her every minute of the day. Therefore, I wish to appoint someone as my wife's personal guard and protector. They will hardly ever leave her sight to ensure her safety. I've decided that Sir Lancelot would be the best choice. Do you accept this position?" Arthur asked, hiding a smile as Lancelot's eyes widened. The knight looked as if the Yuletide had come early.

"Yes, Sire," said Lancelot, not trying to sound too eager. "I accept."

"Excellent," said Arthur, nodding at the knight. Now, Lancelot would forever be in his debt. Arthur looked forward to cashing that in someday. "Now that's taken care of, I wished to talk about the main reason why I called us here. I'm going to start a campaign to unite our lands with those of our neighboring kingdoms. I need everyone's full support on this. Are you with me?"

Every single person there answered with a loud resounding yes, but the one Arthur was most concerned with was the one that he heard in his mind.

THE END

.~.

Epilogue

.~.

It soon became common knowledge that Sir Leon was courting Lady Morgana. Arthur had called them before him, and asked Leon why he hadn't asked the king's permission to court Morgana. Leon had stammered out an excuse, claiming he didn't know that he needed to ask. Arthur had laughed, and told Leon that he had his blessing to court Morgana. Arthur was happy for her, as she'd waited so long to find love. He knew that Leon would be a man worthy of her character. It wasn't long before Morgana and Leon had announced their engagement.

.~.

Their plan to make Lancelot Gwen's protector worked like a charm. It was, like Galahad had said, a wonderful excuse for them to spend time together. Now they had a good reason to bring in an additional bed to the king's chambers. The new bed was placed in Merlin's room, alongside Merlin's smaller bed. The official reason was that Merlin and Lancelot would bunk in the adjoining room, to be nearby in case anyone tried to threaten Arthur or Gwen, who were sleeping together in the main chamber. Each night, Rowan and Galahad made sure that they are all locked in before Merlin and Gwen switched places. Merlin got to sleep with Arthur in the main chamber and Gwen and Lance pushed the beds together in the adjoining chamber. This way, both couples got to sleep with each other, and no one was the wiser. Rowan and Galahad unlocked the king's chambers in the mornings, and roused the foursome from sleep. No one was allowed in until Arthur, Merlin, Lancelot, and Gwen were dressed. Needless to say, both couples were very happy with this arrangement.

.~.

It took a few weeks before the beautifully finished oak round table was ready. It was so large and heavy that it took all twelve knights to bring it into the throne room. Arthur called the first meeting that day, and drew up a code of chivalry that all the members had to agree to before they could be a part of the historic council.

Somehow, Arthur had talked Merlin into 'christening' the round table. Merlin made sure that the doors to the room were well guarded before he allowed any sort of hanky panky. They had compromised and Arthur promised to only take things as far as Merlin wanted. The warlock enjoyed kissing Arthur on the surface of the object that symbolized the great future of Camelot. It would be a special memory for them both to have, to think of when they were stuck in long council meetings.

.~.

As they all expected, Gwen and Lancelot's baby was born a few weeks early, but luckily no one suspected anything out of the ordinary. He was named Thomas, after Gwen's late father. They had considered naming him Arthur, but the king had strongly objected to that, not wanting to invite confusion by having two Arthurs running around. But they did make Arthur his middle name, which pleased the king to no end.

Thomas Arthur Pendragon was the talk of the kingdom. Nobles came from far and wide to bring expensive gifts for the young prince, no doubt trying to find favor with his father. Merlin, after checking each item for spells, placed them in the vaults.

Gwen easily took to being a mother, and Lancelot got nearly as much time with the baby as Gwen did. Yes, his fatherhood had to be kept secret, but Lancelot understood why it had to be that way. They of course stuck with the fabrication that Arthur was Thomas's father. They all decided that they would tell Thomas the truth about his parentage when he came of age, when he would be old enough to handle it. Merlin had an inkling that Thomas would figure it out before then, since his mother spent more of her time with Lancelot and the king spent more of his time with Merlin.

Arthur and Merlin made sure to take time out of their busy schedules to spend with the baby. They enjoyed the chance to play with Thomas, while Gwen and the nurses took care of the real responsibilities. Thomas was one lucky baby, who had four dedicated parents to help care for him. They would all be there to guide him on the journey to one day becoming the future king and follow in the footsteps of King Arthur, who had united the five kingdoms and brought peace and prosperity to the land.

.~.

End of epilogue

A/N: That's all folks… well, maybe you'll get a bonus chapter. Please review let me know what you think of this chapter, as well as the fic in general. This is my last full length fanfiction. I've decided to work on an original story of my own, in hopes that one day it will get published. However, I won't be able to give up Arthur and Merlin completely. I'm planning on writing a few oneshots about them, whenever I feel like it. Thanks for sticking with me for a wonderful year as I wrote this story of adventure, comedy, and of course, epic romance.

A/N 2: So I was hesitant to post this author's note because I ultimately want this to be about Arthur and Merlin's story and not myself, but what the hell. I've been using Merlin's experiences with dark magic as a direct parallel with my own struggles with having bipolar disorder. A lot of what he's gone through is true to my own experience (well, not the almost rape part! just, no.) I didn't give him irrational and/or grandiose thoughts or have him hearing voices, but the magnification of his emotions was very true for me. Those few paragraphs where Merlin describes what it's like being stuck within your body when the dark magic takes over was a way for me to convey my perspective of what it was like during a bipolar (manic or high) episode. This story has been very therapeutic for me. Merlin was ultimately able to overcome his inner demons (there will be more about this in the final chapter.) and so was I, so yay for that!

I'd like to dedicate this fic to anyone who has or knows a friend or family member with bipolar, schizophrenia, depression, or any other kind of mental illness. I'm living proof that it's possible to overcome it and have a normal life. It was a really difficult recovery process, but now that I'm on meds that work, I've been stable for over a year and a half now. I have my writing, a good steady job, the best amazing fantastic supportive boyfriend in the world, and a family who has stuck by me through my worst and best. If you have any questions about my experience or mental illness in general, feel free to PM me. I'd love to help. I feel like the stigma around mental illness is finally starting to go away now that people are talking about it more. This is a great thing! The more information you know about something, the less scary it has to be. So that's enough of my soap box. I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I loved writing it!


	38. Bonus Chapter 1 (Merthur fluffsmut)

Disclaimer: Merlin does not belong to me.

A/N: It's so cool that on the day I posted my last chapter of my slashy Merthur story and gave Arthur and Merlin a happy ending, _**Ireland voted in favor of gay marriage**_**!** The world is becoming more tolerant of love between two consenting adults and I'm happy to be living in this ever-changing world.

Thank you to **LiliesInMoonlight, mersan123, StarBolt1966, zstarlightz, Guest, MirrorFlower and Darkwind, fortheloveofcamelot13, lovingsiri, Corey Youngblood, Emmee, Killua 17, Oh imaginative and Creative One**, and anyone else who reviewed, favorited, followed, or lurked and read my story. I appreciate all the support more than you can know.

Now, enjoy the Merthur fluffy bonus chapter while they cuddle in bed and read Ygraine's diary. I had some extra entries left over that I didn't use so I thought this could be a way to share them. Think of them as outtakes. I also wanted an excuse to write Merthur fluff, since I had them be at odds with each other for so long. Hope you like!

_.~._

_Bonus Chapter (Merthur Fluff/Smut with extra diary entries)_

.~.

The night that Arthur called the first meeting of the Round Table, he and Merlin got a chance to spend some time together. After they ate dinner, they prepared for the night and ended up snuggled together in Arthur's bed. This time, Merlin held Arthur, putting his arm around the king's stomach. Arthur sighed with relief, needing the comfort of Merlin's touch. He'd asked for Merlin to hold him using their mind-link. It was somehow easier to do that than to voice it out loud. Merlin was only happy to oblige, as times when Arthur let Merlin hold him were few and far between.

"I'm so proud of you today," Merlin praised his king. "Taking the first step toward uniting the five kingdoms. I know that took courage."

"It was a little scary announcing that," Arthur admitted. "It's a lofty goal. What if I can't make it happen? I'll look a fool."

"You'll make it happen," said Merlin. "You're destined to."

"That's not a guarantee," said Arthur, but what Merlin said did make him feel a little better. "I know everyone on the new council wants to work for peace, but it's going to be a long process before we can get the other kings to agree to our terms. In fact, they may not agree to all of them."

"Perhaps not right away," said Merlin. "But perhaps, in time, you can convince them. You're very persuasive, you know."

"Mmmm," said Arthur, turning over so he could face Merlin. They gazed deeply into each other's eyes, and Merlin's traitorous heart began to pound. Whenever Arthur looked at him like _that_, he became ridiculously turned on. That was insane because Arthur hadn't even touched him yet...

"You know, there was one thing I've always wanted to ask you," said the king.

"Yes?"

"The day that we met, did you think I was attractive?" Arthur asked.

"I hated your guts," Merlin reminded him. "You put me in the dungeon on my first day in Camelot!"

"That's not what I _asked_," said Arthur in a sing-song voice.

Merlin sighed, knowing his answer would only serve to inflate Arthur's ego. But he decided to tell the truth. "Yes, I thought you were attractive."

"I knew it!" Arthur crowed, looking too smug for Merlin's taste.

"What about you? Did you think I was attractive?" Merlin asked, fully expecting Arthur to say no, that attraction came later after he'd gotten to know Merlin and came to love him for his personality.

"Yes." Arthur colored a little. "I thought it was hot the way you stood up to me. It made me take notice of you, as if I hadn't already. You're quite easy on the eyes."

"Right. I'm nothing special to look at," said Merlin. "You, on the other hand… some days I can't believe you picked me when you could have anyone else in the world."

Arthur frowned at that. "I don't think you know how truly beautiful you are, Merlin,"

"With these ears?" Merlin chuckled. "I don't think so."

"No, you are," Arthur insisted. "Your eyes, they're so full of life and wonder, and are the most scintillating blue. Your cheekbones are perfectly sculpted, you have a strong nose, and your smile! Your smile reaches all the way to your eyes. I love to watch you smile - it warms my heart to see you happy."

"When I smile, you get to see my big buck teeth," said Merlin.

"Your teeth are adorable," Arthur assured him. "So are your ears."

"I don't want to be adorable," Merlin pouted. "I want to be attractive."

"You are!" Arthur said. "Good lord, Merlin. People stare at you all the time. Haven't you noticed?"

"Only because they want to look at the court sorcerer," Merlin insisted. "They're probably worried I'll cast as spell on them."

"You're impossible!" Arthur threw up his hands. "You don't seem to be listening to any of the compliments I'm giving you, so let's try this. Do you think I would bind myself at a soul level to someone who wasn't attractive, in every sense of the world?"

"Well, no," said Merlin. "You'd only want the best."

"Exactly," said Arthur, beaming at his sorcerer. "And I _have _the best."

"Right," said Merlin, sounding dubious.

"Why can't you just accept a compliment, Merlin?" Arthur looked a little hurt.

"Because I'm still expecting you to ask me for something after you give me a compliment," Merlin admitted.

"I don't do that anymore," said Arthur, affronted. "From now on, whenever I compliment you, there are no strings attached. Got it?"

"Got it," said Merlin, giving Arthur his trademark toothy smile. "Arthur?"

"Yes, love?"

"Can we read some more of your mum's diary? I really want to give it to Rowan as soon as possible, so he can read about what his parents are like."

"Of course. You know, you're always thinking of others," said Arthur, sporting a tiny grin. "That's something else about you that I like - you're selfless. Even when Rowan committed crimes that almost got us killed, you still want to do something nice for him."

"It's what anyone would do," Merlin demurred.

"No, it's not," Arthur said seriously. "Most people don't think like that. They wouldn't go out of their way to help someone who wronged them. You have a good heart, Merlin, and it shows."

"Umm, thanks?" Merlin shrugged his shoulders.

Arthur grinned at him. "See, that wasn't that hard, was it?"

"I could get used to it," Merlin realized. He thought about all that Arthur had said to him, about how attractive he was, inside and out. Perhaps he really _was _all those things.

/Merlin, of the two of us, I got the better deal./ Arthur insisted. /Trust me on that./

Merlin didn't realize he was mentally projecting. /I don't know, I managed to land myself a king,/ said Merlin, but he mentally sent his love to Arthur for his kind words.

"Merlin, you had to wait for _years _while I slowly grew into the man I am now," said Arthur. "I didn't have to wait for you to change. You were perfect the first day that I met you."

"I had to grow to like you," said Merlin. "I wasn't keen to be your servant at first, if you remember."

"What are you talking about? I know the truth. You _always _wanted to serve me," said Arthur, and Merlin threw a pillow at him in response.

"That's the clotpole I know and love," said Merlin.

"Bring me that diary, _Me_rlin," Arthur ordered, just for old time's sake.

"No problem," said Merlin. He located the diary and used his magic to transport it to him. He and Arthur sat up against the headboard, with pillows behind them for comfort so they could read the diary together. "Where did we leave off?"

"I think it was when my parents were so desperate to have a child that they asked the witch Nimueh to help them conceive. My mum was worried that if that didn't work, they'd never be able to have a child, and that she'd have to divorce my dad," said Arthur.

"That's right," said Merlin. He flipped to the next unread entry. He cleared his throat and began to read.

Diary Entry 11

_It worked! Thanks to Nimueh's magic, I've conceived. Oh, I'm so happy I could cry! My mood has taken a turn for the better. Instead of overwhelming sadness, I'm filled with so much joy. I can't stop talking about it, telling anyone who will listen that I'm going to be a mother and that soon the kingdom will have a young prince or princess. _

"I'm so glad that being pregnant with me made my mum so happy," said Arthur. "She said she'd been depressed beforehand, when she thought she couldn't have a child."

"I'm just fortunate that you were born, whatever the circumstances," said Merlin. He read on.

_Uther is thrilled beyond belief. He has become more openly affectionate with me, and he's always trying to do things for me even though I'm perfectly capable of doing them at this early stage of my pregnancy. I'm too overjoyed to say anything, so I just let him since I know it makes him feel good. I wonder if I'll be having a boy or a girl? Uther really wants a boy, since he would legally be the future king. It would be trickier to put a girl on the throne – historically, Camelot has had only kings. But I'm confident that if we had a girl, I could convince Uther to bend the rules for our daughter. Nimueh will tell us in a few months what the sex of the baby is. I don't care as long as he or she is healthy. Until then! _

"That's neat that your mother would've wanted to put a girl on the throne," said Merlin. "She was very open minded, unlike..."

"Unlike my father," Arthur finished. "I wonder how my mum was going to convince my dad to do that?"

"How do I persuade _you _to do things?" Merlin reminded him, laughing when Arthur realized the truth.

"I don't want to think about my parents like that!" Arthur made a face. "Gross." He decided to move away from that idea, and keep reading. This time, Arthur read the entry out loud.

Diary Entry 12

_We're having a boy! Ruadhan was able to determine the sex of the baby by using his magic. We wasted no time in naming him. We're going to call him Arthur, because it sounds very close to Uther's name and because it means 'strong'. He will definitely need strength to rule the kingdom, both physical strength and inner strength. I can't wait to meet Arthur! I hope he will love me as much as I know I will love him. I've taken to talking to him and rubbing my stomach whenever he kicks. Uther makes fun of me, insisting that the baby can't hear me, but I enjoy it nonetheless. I'm really looking forward to taking care of my son and bonding with him as only a mother can. _

"I never knew the reason why they named me Arthur," the king mused.

"It's a name fit for a king," said Merlin. "I'm just glad they didn't name you Uther."

"That would've been bad," Arthur shuddered. "I'm my own person, separate from a tyrant like him."

"He wouldn't have been, had your mother lived," Merlin reminded him. Arthur read on.

_Of course, Arthur will bond with Uther as well. I know my husband will make a strict but wonderful father. I know that our son will need much schooling and physical training, but I made Uther promise that he'll allow Arthur some time to play, especially with children his own age. Even though Arthur is to be the prince, I want him to grow up as normally as possible. I want him to learn that everyone's life is to be valued, even if their station is below yours. Uther balked at this philosophy at first, saying it wasn't at all how he was raised. But eventually, he relented. I know I can be very persuasive, and that he will usually cave to my demands. I try not to abuse that power. I just want our son to have the best possible life that he can. The last thing I want is for him to be as distant as Uther was when I first met him. I want him to be in touch with the people's needs, to have compassion for those who have less than he. When he grows up, I want him to find the person he loves and give everything he has to make the relationship work. I can't wait to show him these things through my example. _

"But I never did get to see her example," Arthur said sadly, as they put the book away. It was the last entry, save for Uther's revealing note about how he had killed his court sorcerer. "My father disregarded all of her excellent advice, and raised me in the way that his father raised him. If only my mother had lived, my life would have be different."

"You can't dwell on the what-ifs," said Merlin.

"I know," said Arthur, his voice tinged with sadness. "I still wish that I'd known her. You're lucky that you got to meet her, in the world beyond this one."

"She said she was very proud of you," Merlin reminded him. "And that she approved of our relationship."

"It would've been nice to have had the support of a living parent," said Arthur. "There was no way I could've ever tell my father about us. He wouldn't have understood, or approved. If he'd known, he probably would've done anything in his power to keep us apart."

Merlin shivered. "That would've been awful."

"You're lucky that Hunith supports us," said Arthur.

"She figured out that I had a crush on you before I did, and that you had a crush on me," Merlin admitted. "She told me that she thought you liked me," said the warlock. "I didn't know what she really meant at the time."

"Your mum is an exceptional woman, accepting the fact that you like men."

"One man in particular," Merlin corrected. "It doesn't surprise me that she's alright with me being with you. She accepted my magic, didn't she?"

"That's true," Arthur considered.

"You may not have had parental support, but we have the support of our friends," Merlin reminded him. "Gwen, Lancelot, and Morgana especially. Even Geoffrey knows and approves! Then there's also Rowan and Galahad."

"Speaking of Galahad, most of the knights know," Arthur admitted.

Merlin looked at him in surprise and trepidation. "Did you tell them? _Ar_thur! I thought you said we were trying to keep it quiet."

"Gwaine guessed," Arthur grumbled. "I denied it, but I think my tone of voice gave it away somehow."

"See? I'm not the only one," said Merlin, remembering the time when he tried to deny their relationship in front of Caelia and Bruin. He didn't want to dwell on that, since both of his students had recently died at the hands of dark sorcerers. "How did the other knights find out?" Merlin asked.

"You know Gwaine - he can't keep his big mouth shut, especially when he's drinking."

"I suppose it can't be helped now," said Merlin. "What do they think about it?"

"It doesn't seem to bother them, as far as I know," said Arthur. "No one has said anything to my face about it, nor have they treated me any differently. They've all remained loyal to me. I certainly won't confirm their suspicions, but if they know, they know."

"I wonder if Gwen's baby will figure it out eventually?" Merlin mused.

"Probably," said Arthur. "As much as Gwen and I will try to act like we're together, I can't help but favor you, and she can't help but favor Lance. I think that when the child gets older, they'll understand about our arrangement. It's not something to dwell on now."

"You're right," said Merlin.

"Of course I am," said Arthur, and puffed out his chest.

Merlin took that opportunity to tickle Arthur's underarms.

"Hey!" Arthur glared at him, pushing Merlin away. He was really ticklish, and he didn't want to demonstrate his high-pitched giggle in front of Merlin, who would never let him live it down. "That's no way to treat your king."

"How should I treat you, my lord?" Merlin breathed. "Should you be needing any of my _services _this evening?"

Arthur almost groaned aloud. He couldn't believe that Merlin was initiating role play, especially using their former roles as prince and servant. They'd never done that - when Arthur suggested it, Merlin had said he wasn't comfortable doing that just yet, and asked Arthur to be patient with him. Arthur, of course, had complied.

"Yes, I believe I will," said Arthur. "I want you to give me a bath, and scrub me all over so that I'm clean for tomorrow. I have a big day ahead and I want to look my best."

"Sire, I-I don't know if that would be appropriate," said Merlin with a genuine blush. "I've never seen a man naked before, much less washed them." So Merlin was going to play the innocent, untouched virgin.

It was official - Arthur LOVED roleplay.

"It will be strictly professional," said Arthur. "There's nothing to worry about. I'm not going to jump you when I'm naked." /Unless you want me to/ Arthur thought at Merlin.

/You know I do/ Merlin answered back, but his verbal answer was quite different.

"Very well," said Merlin. "Strictly professional. As you command, my king." /Can I use magic?/ He asked.

/What kind of dumb question is that?/ Arthur replied. /Of course you should use magic./

/Oh./ Merlin blushed. /I didn't know if you wanted it to be exactly how things were between us back when I was just your servant. I didn't want to ruin the illusion. If you need me to be ordinary, clumsy Merlin, I can./

/Don't be an idiot./ Arthur thought angrily. /I don't EVER want you to stop using magic, even during times like these. You never need my permission for that. I wouldn't want you to deny something that is so integral to your identity. Alright?/

/Thanks. I didn't want to do it without magic anyway./ Merlin admitted.

He magically readied the bath, and waited for Arthur to get in. "It's ready," said Merlin, wondering why his king was stalling.

"You have to undress me," Arthur ordered, motioning at himself with his arms.

"Oh," said Merlin. "I forgot." He honestly _had _forgotten. It felt so long ago that he'd had that particular duty. Arthur preferred to dress himself these days, finding it to be much more practical than having to wait for Merlin to do it.

"You're such a brainless half-wit," said Arthur. "I don't know why I put up with you." /I love you, Merlin./

"It's not easy putting up with you, either," Merlin said, feeling quite daring. "You're such an ass." /I love you too, Arthur./

"How _dare _you," Arthur seethed. "Merlin, you can't speak to me like that, even if no one else is around. You know, I've only let you keep this position out of the goodness of my heart."

"What goodness is there in the heart of a prat?" Merlin retorted. The air crackled between them, and Arthur almost gave up on the roleplay, wishing to take Merlin then and there. But he really wanted to see how this would play out, so he retrained his urges for now.

"I'll let that go because I'm a merciful man," said Arthur. "Now, get on with it."

Merlin complied, and began to undress his king. Flawless pale skin was slowly revealed to him as Merlin removed each article of clothing, one by one. His hands trembled when he finally came to Arthur's undergarment. He paused, uncertainly, and looked up at Arthur with an unspoken question on his lips.

"Go on," the king encouraged. Arthur was thrilled with Merlin's superb acting. It was almost as if Merlin was seeing him naked for the first time.

Merlin pulled the undergarment down, releasing Arthur's penis from its confines. To Merlin's mortification, It was quite erect. The young warlock's eyes grew wide, as he took in the sight of Arthur's penis for the 'first time'. "I've never seen one do that before," he squeaked out.

"You've never seen your own do that?" Arthur teased.

"Well, yes but…" Merlin stammered. "I mean, I've never seen another person's before."

"I get one every time I take a bath," Arthur flippantly told him. "It's perfectly normal - nothing to be concerned with."

"Oh." Merlin looked relieved.

Arthur quickly got in the bath and sat down in the warm water. Closing his eyes, he let out a sigh of pleasure, which went straight to Merlin's groin. Arthur remained like that for a few minutes, just relaxing in the water, leaving Merlin the chance to drink in the king's bare, fighting-fit body.

Of course, the king just had to ruin the perfectly good moment. "Don't just stand there, you lazy sot." Arthur glared at Merlin. "Wash me."

"Yes, Sire," Merlin said obediently, properly chastised. He took the washcloth and rubbed some soap on it. He got down on his knees and began to wash the king. Merlin's hand began to tremble just a tad as he brushed the washcloth over Arthur's chest, back, neck, and arms. He made sure to keep it steady when he was working on Arthur's face. He didn't wish to damage that gorgeous visage in any way, or anger the king by accidentally getting soap in his eyes.

"Merlin, you're getting water everywhere," Arthur complained after Merlin finished with his arms.

"Sorry." Merlin cast a quick spell and cleaned up the water.

"I'm glad you finally told me yesterday about your magic. What else can you do with it?" Arthur asked.

"Lots of things," said Merlin.

"Show me," said Arthur.

Merlin's eyes flashed gold and suddenly there was a small golden dragon resting in the palm of his hand. It was made from magical particles, and it began to fly close to Arthur.

"It's the dragon from my family crest," Arthur pointed out as it flew slow circles around them both.

"Yes," said Merlin. "It's a very important symbol to me. It reminds me of your last name - Pendragon. You have so much _power _behind that name, my lord."

"People are often attracted to people who have as much power as me," Arthur said offhandedly. "It's _such _a problem. I never know if people want me because I'm royalty, or because my body is so attractive, or if they really like my personality." He gave Merlin a knowing stare. "Sometimes I don't know who I can trust."

"You can trust me, Sire," Merlin said quietly. "I would never betray you."

"I don't know," said Arthur with a twinkle in his eye. "Sometimes you refuse my direct orders."

"Ask me to do something," said Merlin. "I promise I'll comply."

"Really?" Arthur grinned.

"Yes."

"Excellent! I want you to keep washing me."

Merlin sighed. "Fine. Stick your legs out of the water so I can reach them." /I hope this is going where I think this is going./

/Way ahead of you./ "No, I don't think so," said Arthur, the smugness oozing from his voice. "I don't feel like moving."

"Then how am I supposed to wash the rest of you?"

"You have to get in the tub," Arthur said with a triumphant smile.

"What?" Merlin paled.

"You heard me."

"Fine." He wasn't about to lose Arthur's little challenge. Merlin took his shoes off, and gingerly stepped into the water.

"_Mer_lin." The _you idiot_ was strongly implied. "You still have your clothes on."

"Well spotted," said Merlin.

"You'll get your clothes all wet!"

"I can magic them dry!" /So there/ Merlin thought.

But Arthur knew how to think on his feet. "Merlin, that's ridiculous. If I didn't know better, I'd say that you were _afraid _to strip down in front of me."

"I am not!" Merlin cried, but his blush gave him away.

"I think you are. I think you're nothing but a coward," Arthur goaded.

"I'm not a coward, and I'll prove it." Merlin removed all of his clothes except for his undergarment. He looked desperately at Arthur. "I'm keeping this on."

"A _ha_," said Arthur. "That's what you're afraid of. Think you can't measure up to me?" He teased.

"Forget it," said Merlin, already moving to put his pants back on. "This was a dumb idea."

"Merlin, wait," Arthur said softly. "You really _are _worried what I would think," he realized. "You don't need to be."

"You'll just make fun of me like you always do," Merlin said, sounding bitter. "I'm always the butt of the joke with you."

/The butt?/ Arthur tried to keep from laughing, but it was hard.

/Thought you'd like that bit/ said Merlin.

"Merlin, I promise I won't make fun of you," Arthur swore.

"The last time I undressed around other boys, they mocked me for a month. I don't feel comfortable doing that ever again."

"I promise on my honor as the next king of Camelot that I won't make fun of you," said Arthur. "Good lord, Merlin. You can't go on like that! You can't let that fear control you. Come on, let me see. It can't be that bad."

Merlin warily regarded the king, but decided to take a chance and trust him. He took off his undergarment and let Arthur look.

"It's…" Arthur trailed off as he got a good look.

"Small," Merlin groaned. "I knew it!"

/I was going to say beautiful/ said Arthur.

/Flatterer/ said Merlin, but he was pleased. He remembered how worried he'd been when he'd really first shown Arthur what he looked like naked. It turned out that those worries were all for naught. Arthur was just happy that he got to see what Merlin looked like without clothes on.

"I didn't say that!" Arthur insisted. "I'd say it's average size. Nothing to be ashamed about."

"Really?" Merlin looked hopeful.

"Yes," Arthur insisted. "I wouldn't lie to you."

"That's not what those guys said," Merlin mumbled. "They said I was tiny."

"Forget them," said Arthur. "I'm royalty. What _I_ say is true."

"Thanks," Merlin said quietly.

"You still have to wash me," Arthur insisted.

Merlin sighed. "Very well." He sat down in the bath and Arthur placed his left leg in Merlin's lap. Merlin took the washcloth and lovingly cleaned Arthur's left leg, and then his right, making sure to wash in between each toe.

"Done," said Merlin, as Arthur pulled his leg away.

"Not yet you're not," said Arthur. "You haven't cleaned all of me."

"Sire!" Merlin flushed. "Surely you can't be suggesting…"

"Oh, come on, _Mer_lin," Arthur goaded.

"Arthur, this isn't very professional," Merlin tried.

"Sure it is. I'm simply utilizing your services as my servant. There's nothing untoward about it."

"Arthur! We're both naked in your bathtub! Anyone could come in and make the wrong conclusion as to what's really going on here. Doesn't that bother you?"

"No," said Arthur, sounding rather nonchalant.

"No, of course it doesn't," Merlin grumbled.

"I'm still waiting," said Arthur with a grin.

Merlin tried not to glare at Arthur. He thought that the prince was enjoying this predicament a bit too much. He seemed to thrive on making Merlin feel miserable. Well, two could play that game. Merlin would quickly wash the rest of the prince, and then make his escape.

"Stand up," Merlin told him.

/I already am/ Arthur teased.

/Not what I meant/ said Merlin, but he let Arthur feel his amusement.

"Are _you _giving the orders now?" Arthur teased, but he complied.

Merlin knelt down before Arthur and readied the washcloth in his hand.

"Don't use that," said Arthur. "It feels uncomfortable when you use it on me down there."

"What am I supposed to use? My bare hands?" Merlin said sarcastically.

"Yes," said Arthur. To his credit, he was able to keep a straight face. "That's what I do."

Merlin tried really hard not to imagine Arthur touching himself but didn't succeed.

/Shut up!/ Merlin said before Arthur could say anything.

/I wasn't going to say a word about how you were thinking about me touching myself./

/Arthur! I'm trying to focus here./

/Sorry. Do continue./ said Arthur.

"The things I do to keep you happy," Merlin muttered. "This goes _way _beyond the call of duty." He took the soap in his hands and rubbed them together. Then he very carefully touched Arthur's cock and balls. After about ten seconds of this, Arthur's cock twitched, showing them how much it enjoyed Merlin's familiar touch.

"Does it hurt?" Merlin worried as he gently stroked Arthur the way he knew would drive him wild.

"No-ohhhh. I was just startled," Arthur assured him. Then he directed their attention to Merlin's penis. "Look, you're getting hard, too!"

"I'm sorry." Merlin blushed crimson. He was surprised it hadn't happened before now. "I don't know why that's happening."

"Don't worry," Arthur breathed. "It's just your reaction to taking a bath. It's perfectly innocent."

"Right," said Merlin.

/Where the hell did you come up with that?/ Merlin had to ask.

/I made it up./ said Arthur.

/It's ridiculous. No one in their right mind would believe that they'd get an erection from taking a bath./

/_You're_ ridiculous/ was Arthur's clever retort.

"Turn around, I need to wash your backside," Merlin instructed. "I suppose you don't like the washcloth there either."

"Sure don't," Arthur said happily.

Merlin couldn't believe that Arthur was giving him another chance to touch him in such an intimate place. He soaped up his hands well, and then began to knead Arthur's cheeks.

"That feels… amazing," Arthur ground out. He loved it when Merlin would give him a butt massage and vice versa. They hadn't done that in awhile, not since before Merlin's difficulties with dark magic.

"Just trying to be thorough, Sire," said Merlin, loving the feel of Arthur's firm buttocks beneath his hands. He finally stopped his motions, as his hands were getting tired. "I've washed every part of you. Would you like a towel?"

"Not yet," said Arthur. "_You_ haven't washed yet."

"That's alright," said Merlin, his heart rate going up again, as he thought about how that situation might play out. "I think most of the dirt has washed away. I can scrub with soap another time. I really don't enjoy that part."

"What if I scrubbed you?" Arthur quietly offered. Merlin's heart and dick both leapt at that. He absolutely loved it whenever Arthur washed him. It just felt to intimate somehow. He felt so cherished when Arthur reverently washed the grime off of his court sorcerer. It was a special time just for them, to remind them of the true nature of their relationship.

"I don't know if that's appropriate. _I'm _the servant, not you," Merlin reminded Arthur.

"That's not all you are to me," Arthur confessed. "Please, Merlin?"

/Hmm, should I protest?/ Merlin thought slyly.

/Please don't! I want to get on with it/ Arthur begged.

"Alright. If you really want to, you can wash me," Merlin relented.

"Good," said Arthur. He found the washcloth, added some soap, then followed the same process that Merlin had when he'd been washing Arthur. When it was time for Arthur to touch Merlin's penis, Merlin looked up at Arthur, afraid how he might react.

"Be gentle," Merlin pleaded.

As if Arthur would ever be anything else. Arthur took hold of Merlin's penis and began to clean it by giving it firm, long strokes from the base to tip.

"I think it's clean," Merlin squeaked as he tried to maneuver away from Arthur and his magic touch.

"Does it feel good?" Arthur asked, giving him a knowing look.

"Arthur this is wrong," Merlin fretted. "I'm your servant, and I've got magic, and I'm a man, and…"

"Does it feel good?" Arthur repeated his question.

"Well…" Merlin didn't know if he should tell Arthur the truth. What if the prince didn't feel the same way? But Merlin decided to hell with it, that he'd just answer truthfully.

"It feels very good," said Merlin, bracing for the rejection. It never came.

"Good. I've waited so long to be able to touch you," Arthur breathed.

"Arthur," Merlin whimpered. "I-I want…" He took a deep breath but couldn't quite articulate what it was he wanted.

"What is it, love?" Arthur asked, gently threading his fingers through Merlin's dark hair. "What do you want? Whatever it is, I'll get it for you."

"I w-want you," Merlin confessed.

"Merlin," Arthur groaned. "You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear you say that."

"How do we do this?" Merlin asked. "I've never done this before."

"I'm honored that I get to be your first," said Arthur. "I'd say we should start by getting out of the bath."

Merlin blushed. "Right." The warlock magicked two towels over to them, and they dried off. Arthur led Merlin to the bed, and after they lay back on the covers, Arthur pulled Merlin on top of him.

Their lips met, and Merlin couldn't help but moan as he opened his mouth to let Arthur in. Their tongues danced and Merlin couldn't help but eagerly respond. They continued to kiss and grind up against each other, giving in to their lustful desires.

/Arthur can we do _this_?/ Merlin sent the king a picture of Arthur on the bottom, with Merlin taking him.

/Hell yes!/ Arthur enthused.

/Are you sure you're ready for that?/ Merlin worried.

/I'm sure/ Arthur promised. /I'm not afraid of having you dominate me. You're my equal, Merlin. Now prove it./

Merlin magically prepared his king so that when he entered him, it wouldn't hurt. Instead it would feel amazing, the joining of their bodies and souls. He positioned himself over Arthur, and searched for clues in the king's eyes to see if he was welcome.

/I'm ready, Merlin./ Arthur's eyes shone with love and acceptance. /I want this./

Merlin lined himself up, ready to enter his bondmate. /Arthur?/

/Now, Merlin/ Arthur begged.

Merlin thrust home and sheathed himself deep inside his bondmate. They came together with grunts and cries, and mentally shared their affirmations of love. Afterwards, Merlin cleaned them up and they clung to each other as their rapid heartbeats began to slow.

/Merlin?/ Arthur asked while they basked in the afterglow.

/Yes./

/That was the most incredible thing I've ever experienced in my life./ Arthur admitted.

Merlin smiled. /Me too. Adding thought-speech during sex makes it even more intimate./ They were just about to kiss again when there was an urgent knock at the door.

"Your majesty, I must speak with you." It was Galahad's voice.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Just a minute." He and Merlin quickly dressed and let Galahad in their chambers. "What is it?"

"We have a delegation from Ealdor who have just arrived."

"Was my mum with them?" Merlin asked, but Galahad shook his head.

"She was not among them."

"Why are they here? Is something wrong back home?" Merlin worried.

"They have brought two men with them in chains. You're not going to believe this, but apparently they were caught engaging in homosexual acts." Galahad wasn't surprised by the angry expressions on both Arthur and Merlin's faces. "They've come to Camelot so that they can have King Arthur give out an appropriate punishment."

"You mean homosexuality is still illegal?" Merlin asked, filled with dismay.

"Yes," Arthur groaned. "And it's not like I can just easily change the law like I did with magic. The general populace would _never_ go along with it. I'm going to have to punish these men, like the law says that I must."

Arthur shared a sad look with Merlin as they thought about the poor men that had been caught expressing their love for each other. What were they going to do?

.~.

End Bonus Chapter 1

.~.

A/N: Looks like you're getting Bonus chapter 2! How will our boys solve this mess? Stay tuned!


	39. Bonus ch2 -Homosexuality Against The Law

Disclaimer: Merlin is not mine.

A/N: Summary: Arthur and Merlin decide how to sentence two gay men who were caught in flagrante. Homosexuality is banned in Camelot, and they have to uphold that law. How will they choose to handle this tricky situation, especially since it hits so close to home?

A/N: I don't know if they used the term 'gay' back in medieval times, so I'm just sticking to homosexual. :)

.~.

Bonus Chapter 2 - Sentencing Homosexuals

.~.

"We'll be right there," Arthur promised. "Take the accused to the dungeons and send the rest of them back to Ealdor. Thank you, Galahad."

The knight in training nodded, and left.

"Those poor men," said Merlin. "In a different circumstance, that could've been us. Arthur, we have to help them!"

"Merlin, you know they might not be like us," Arthur said slowly.

"What do you mean?" Merlin asked.

"I mean, they may not be in a lifelong relationship. They might just be having a fling, and they got caught."

"Ah," said Merlin. He had to admit, when he heard about the two men arrested for being caught in homosexual acts, his first thought was that they loved each other as much as he and Arthur did. But Arthur had a good chance of being right. Homosexual relationships were rare, as such things were against the law. People of that inclination had to hide. Merlin had no way of knowing how many people were in such a relationship, as such things weren't talked about.

"Will that affect your decision then?" Merlin asked.

"Well, yes."

Then Merlin had a horrible thought. "If they were just having a fling, you won't have them killed, right?"

"No, of course not! What do you take me for?" Arthur looked hurt.

"I'm sorry," said Merlin, holding up his hands. "I just know how you are about upholding Camelot's laws ."

"This law is wrong. _Obviously_," said Arthur, gesturing between the two of them.

"Well, I know that technically the law doesn't apply to you, because you're the king and that's how you can get around it, being with me. I just didn't know about the others…"

"They'll be banished at worst," Arthur assured him.

"As the law is written now, they're supposed to die," Merlin reminded him.

"I'm well aware of that, _Mer_lin."

"Then what are you going to do? If word gets out that the king of Camelot becoming tolerant of homosexual lifestyles, it could be perceived as weakness," said the court sorcerer.

"First, I'm going to figure out what they are to each other. I'll need your help for that. Then I'll decide."

"Alright," Merlin agreed. "What did you have in mind?"

"I'll question one, you take the other. We'll each try to get them to betray the other one. That way we'll know how serious they are."

"That sounds fair," said Merlin. "I hope they don't sell out."

"Me too," said Arthur. "But don't be surprised if that happens."

"I'd never sell out for you," Merlin reminded the king.

"I know, Merlin," Arthur said quietly. "I…" The king cleared his throat. "You know how I feel about you."

Merlin smiled at Arthur. He knew that the king was trying to get a good grasp on his emotions, and that admitting his feelings aloud about his loyalty to Merlin was not something he was practiced at.

"I do," said Merlin.

/I'd _never _sell you out./ Arthur promised. /Sorry. I sometimes forget we have this./

/Telepathic speech does take some getting used to./ said Merlin. /You don't have to use it all the time. I realize that it can be quite distracting, especially to someone who never had any sort of magical ability./

/Thanks/ said Arthur, relieved that Merlin understood.

"Now, let's go question the prisoners." Merlin offered his hand to Arthur, who squeezed it.

Arthur let go, then headed for the dungeons with Merlin following his king, as always.

.~.

Galahad filled them in with information about the prisoners and unlocked the cell that contained them. Arthur dismissed him, leaving him and Merlin alone with the accused.

Their names were Phillip and Stephen. They looked to be about Merlin and Arthur's age - perhaps a little older. Phillip had dark hair with calculating brown eyes. Stephen's hair was graying, but instead of making him look old, it made him look distinguished. Merlin could imagine that Arthur's hair would look similar when he began to age. The sorcerer couldn't look away from Stephen's accusatory gaze. His striking blue eyes reminded Merlin a bit of Arthur, as did the protective stance that Stephen had, with Phillip slightly behind him.

Merlin waved his hands, and the chains fell off the prisoners.

"You know who we both are, I presume," said Arthur.

Both men nodded.

"Phillip, you will come with me," Arthur ordered. Phillip moved to follow the king out of the cell. "Don't even think about it," said the king, when Stephen tried to go with him. "You stay with Merlin. We're questioning you separately."

Phillip and Stephen exchanged worried looks before Phillip went with the king. Arthur took him to another cell, on the opposite side of the dungeons where they would not be overheard.

.~.

Arthur gestured inside the cold and damp cell, and Phillip went willingly. The prisoner sat on the floor up against the wall. Arthur casually leaned against the wall and faced Phillip. It was clear to both of them that Arthur was completely in charge of the situation. The king wasted no time, and began the interrogation.

"Phillip, you have been accused of committing homosexual acts with Stephen. Do you deny it?"

"No, Sire," said the man.

"Very well," said Arthur. "Are you aware that the punishment for this crime is death?"

"I am, Sire." The man was subdued, but his eyes carried a spark of defiance.

"However, I find that to be a harsh sentence. I could be persuaded to let you go," Arthur said. "I heard from my guard that you have magical abilities. Is this true?"

Phillip decided to tell the truth. "It is."

"Interesting," said Arthur. "Hmm. You could prove to be of use to me. Someone would have to hang, of course. Would you be willing to trade your life for Stephen's?"

"No, never!" The man vehemently denied. "If someone has to die, let it be me. Let him go."

"Why do you protect him?" Arthur was intrigued.

"I cannot expect you to understand," Phillip said with venom in his voice. "He means everything to me. I love him as a man loves a wife. We tried to be careful, we really did. My brother has always had something against him, and he was the one who had us discovered. We weren't harming anybody. Please! Just let him go."

"I understand more than you might think," said Arthur.

He mentally checked in with Merlin, to see how he was doing with the other prisoner.

.~.

Meanwhile, Merlin was questioning Stephen, and having the same conversation as Arthur. He hoped with all his might that the man before him wouldn't give up the other one.

"Stephen, you have been accused of committing homosexual acts with Phillip. Is this true?" Merlin asked.

"It is," said the man. He glared at Merlin as if to say, 'so what'?

"I see," said Merlin. "Why were you caught?"

"His brother knew about us," said the man. "I'm not sure how, but he figured it out. He was the one who called the guards on us. We tried to keep it a secret, but it obviously didn't work."

"I've heard from our guard that you're quite handy with a sword," said Merlin. "With the right training, you might even be able to pass the knights' test. I'd be willing to let you go if you promised to give your life in service to Camelot. However, the law requires that someone must die for the crime. Would you exchange your life for Phillip's?"

"I couldn't do that," said the man, appalled at the very suggestion. "Of the two of us, let _me _hang. I want him to go on and live his life. I want him to move on. He'll eventually find someone else." The man looked miserable as he thought about this possibility.

"You care about him _that _much?" Merlin asked.

"Yes," said the man, giving Merlin an unflinching stare. "But you wouldn't know anything about love between men."

"Not necessarily," said Merlin. He mentally contacted his own lover. /Arthur, he won't give his lover up!/

/Neither will this one./ Arthur replied.

/Thank goodness./ said Merlin. /What will we do with them?/

/I have an idea./ said Arthur. /I'll meet you in the throne room. It's warmer there. These dungeons are freezing!/

Merlin escorted Stephen to the throne room, where Arthur and Phillip were waiting for them. Both prisoners warily approached each other, watching as king and court sorcerer regarded them with unreadable expressions. They decided to risk an embrace.

"Are you alright?" Phillip whispered as he held his lover. "Did he hurt you?"

"I'm fine," Stephen said. "Are you hurt?"

"No, he didn't touch me."

The couple continued to talk in hushed tones, acting as if Arthur and Merlin weren't even in the room.

/Arthur, we can't separate them!/ Merlin insisted. /They've proven their loyalty to each other./

/We won't./ Arthur assured him. /We'll make sure they get the life together that they deserve./

Arthur cleared his throat and they leapt apart.

"We've decided that we're not going to kill either of you," said Arthur.

"Thank you, Sire," Phillip said gravely. "I know that's what the law demands. May I ask what changed your mind?"

"Neither of you gave the other one up," said Arthur.

"How do you know?" Phillip asked, intrigued by this answer. "You haven't talked to your Court Sorcerer since he went away to question Stephen."

"We have a telepathic link," said Merlin. "I must ask that you don't tell people about that, but let's face it - who'd believe you if you did?"

"We won't tell anyone," said Stephen. "I didn't think that was possible. I thought both people had to be magically inclined. Merlin, your power is renowned but I didn't know that the king had the gift."

"He doesn't," sad Merlin. "However, Arthur was born from magic."

"It's a long story. Back to your punishment," said Arthur. "I've thought about how to handle this, and there's no way around it. We're going to have to banish you from the kingdom," Arthur said, sounding apologetic.

"We understand. I'm just happy we'll both get to live," said Phillip.

"Would it be possible for us to be banished to the same place?" Stephen asked.

"Don't ask for that, Stephen!" Phillip fretted. "They've already been kind enough as it is."

"Of course you'll be living in the same place," said Merlin.

"Have you heard of a small village called Pen Rhionydd?" Arthur asked.

They shook their heads.

"It's just outside our northern borders," said Arthur. "It's empty, as the inhabitants left during a recent plague and never returned. I believe it would be a good place for you to live. You can make a decent living as farmers, especially with Phillip's magic."

"We will send you both there, to begin a new life together," said Merlin. "You won't get to return home, though. I'm sorry about that bit, but we can't have your brother catching you again, can we?"

"But don't worry about your families," said Arthur. "Merlin will send a letter to his mother in Ealdor, and tell her the truth about what happened to you. She'll tell the appropriate people in your families, so they'll know that you weren't killed."

"Thank you, Sire. This is so much more than what we ever could've hoped for," said Phillip. "Why are you so merciful?"

"Yes, why?" Stephen pressed. "Two men together is considered a terrible sin where we're from."

"Because you've proved your love for each other," said Merlin. "That sort of devotion should be rewarded, not punished."

"Merlin's right," Arthur agreed. "You've done nothing wrong."

"I don't understand," said Stephen. He glanced over at Phillip, but he was just as confused. Why would King Arthur be so lenient with them, especially when the law said otherwise?

"Arthur. Please?" Merlin begged.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "_Fine_. I knew you'd want to tell them eventually."

"Hey, you can't talk! You told the knights," Merlin countered.

"I did not!" Arthur insisted. "Sir Gwaine guessed, and then he told the rest when he was drinking at _The Rising Sun_."

"I hope he didn't tell the whole tavern. Sometimes I wonder if all of Camelot knows," Merlin muttered.

"Knows what?" Phillip wondered.

"Arthur and I… what I mean to say is…" Merlin blushed. "We've been together for over a year now. The queen knows, and supports us. We know what it's like, having to hide. It's not easy."

"Then why can't you change the law?" Stephen wanted to know.

Arthur sighed. "It's not that simple. It's not something that most of our citizens would understand. Perhaps one day, people like us wouldn't have to hide. But that's just not possible now. Relationships are between men and women - the end. That's all my people know. To try and introduce them to such a foreign concept… I couldn't do that and risk civil war. Nor could I make us vulnerable to those who would destroy us."

"I understand," said Phillip, saddened by this truth but ultimately accepting it.

"Well, I _don't_," Stephen said hotly. "It's not fair that you and Merlin get to stay together in your positions of power while Phillip and I get shipped off in disgrace to some far corner just outside the kingdom. You're the king - the law doesn't apply to you. You can bugger whoever you want-"

"We just saved your lives," Arthur snapped. "Don't think you can insult us and-"

"Arthur, I'll handle this," Merlin cut in, his tone of forced calm.

Arthur deflated when Merlin gave him the 'you've gone too far' look. He knew that if he didn't pay attention to it, he might be denied 'certain privileges'. That was something he was not willing to risk.

"You're right, Stephen. It's not fair," Merlin said quietly. "But that's the way it is. Lashing out at us won't help. You should be thankful that Arthur and I are in the position we're in so that other homosexuals won't be killed if they're discovered and brought to us. And Arthur's right - we did save your lives. We don't want to banish you, but we don't have any other choice."

"He has a point," said Phillip, glaring at his lover. "You'll have to excuse Stephen. He's a hot-headed idiot sometimes, but he's my idiot."

"You're forgiven," said Arthur, he and Merlin exchanging mental laughter about the idiot comment. "Well, I suppose we should send you on your way. We'll give you a map, some horses, and some food and water."

"Arthur, it's the middle of the night," Merlin reminded him. "Can't you let them wait until morning? It's cold out."

"I guess you could wait until morning," Arthur relented. "But you'll have to stay the night in the dungeons. We have to keep up appearances and all that."

"Can we sleep in the same cell?" Stephen asked.

Arthur and Merlin chuckled as Phillip turned bright red.

"Of course," said Merlin. "But if someone catches you doing anything untoward, we really will have to kill you then."

"We're not that stupid," said Phillip. "Well, I'm not. I'm not sure about Stephen."

"Watch it," Stephen said, slightly annoyed.

"Don't worry - I'll make sure he behaves," Phillip promised. "Goodnight, and thank you both."

Arthur and Merlin locked them in, and started to head up the stairs. But Arthur stopped Merlin, deciding to eavesdrop as he overheard the two men talking.

"Phillip. How many people can say they've done it in a dungeon?" Stephen hissed.

"No. Not going to happen," Phillip stated firmly.

Merlin and Arthur headed back up the stairs, sniggering at Stephen's comment.

"Hmm. They seem a little desperate for time alone. Maybe we should let them have a go at the throne room?" Merlin suggested slyly, just to see what Arthur would do. Arthur bopped the back of Merlin's head. Merlin realized that he should've been expecting that.

"Owww," the sorcerer glared. "Was that really necessary?"

"The throne room memory is ours," Arthur proclaimed. "They can't have it."

"It was just a joke," said Merlin.

Arthur sighed and looked away.

"Something else is bothering you," Merlin realized. But Arthur wouldn't explain until they reached the safety of their chambers.

"I don't like how Stephen said that I could bugger whoever I want and get away with it," said Arthur with a frown, as they closed and locked the doors behind them.

"He's technically right," said Merlin. "You're the king. You're above the law."

"But I would never do that!" Arthur insisted. "I only want _you _to… make love with."

"You don't want to bugger me?" Merlin asked, amused.

"That's _not _what we do," Arthur insisted. "There's a difference, and I don't want that word sullying what is ours."

"Technically they mean the same thing," said Merlin.

"No, not to me. Buggery implies that I'd only want you for your body, for physical gratification. What we have is so much more. We're soul bonded, Merlin. You mean everything to me. I should have that Stephen punished for what he said."

Merlin sighed. "He was just angry. I don't blame him - he won't ever get to return home."

"But he gets to stay with his lover," Arthur pointed out. "They get to keep their lives. He should be grateful to me."

"Arthur, if you were in Stephen's place, and you'd just been told by a king that you and I would never be able to see Camelot again, wouldn't you be angry?"

"Angry? I'd be furious," said Arthur. "Oh," he realized.

"Yes, _oh_," said Merlin. "We need to work on your empathy skills."

"No we don't," Arthur scoffed. "We need to go to bed."

"So we can get back to the buggery," Merlin said sagely.

"I'll show you buggery," Arthur warned as he tackled Merlin on the bed. "Let me help you," Arthur said in a low voice.

The sorcerer let out a bark of laughter as Arthur tried to unsuccessfully remove Merlin's pants. "Need some help?" Merlin offered.

"You were always better at undressing us," Arthur admitted.

"That's because I've had more practice," said Merlin. "I had to undress you for three years, before you got your head out of your ass and decided to do it yourself."

"You enjoyed every minute of it," Arthur reminded him.

"Maybe," said Merlin, remembering how tempting it was to dress and undress Arthur everyday and not being able to do anything about his feelings for the prince. Thankfully, those days were long gone.

As Merlin eventually let Arthur have his wicked way with him, he thought about how lucky they were to be in the situation they were. They had to hide, yes, but they got to spend most of their days and night together. It wasn't perfect, but he had Arthur's love, and that was enough.

.~.

The End

A/N: This thing just kept getting longer and longer! It was only supposed to be half this long. Oh well, it was fun. I've got a few more bonus chapters planned. One is quite funny, with Arthur and Merlin babysitting Gwen and Lance's baby. If anyone has any requests for bonus chapters, I will consider them. Just leave them in a review. Thanks!


	40. Bonus Ch 3 - Adventures in Babysitting

Summary: Arthur and Merlin baby-sit for Gwen and Lancelot's child. They find that it's a lot harder than it looks. Did I mention the baby has magic?

Disclaimer: Merlin is not mine.

A/N: My cousin and his wife just had a baby, so that's on the brain. Someone asked for a story about Gwen's baby. I'm not doing a sequel to Merlin's Struggles, but here's a one shot for you!

.~.

Bonus Chapter 3

_Merthur: Adventures in Babysitting_

.~.

It had been six months since little Thomas Arthur Pendragon was born. He looked just like Gwen, and people often complained that they couldn't see any of his father in him. His real father, of course, was Lancelot. When they all had thought Lancelot dead, Arthur had agreed to marry the already pregnant Gwen so she wouldn't be shunned by society. When Lancelot miraculously returned, they had already announced the baby as the next heir. So they stayed with the charade, that Arthur was the child's father. Thankfully, the people didn't figure out the truth.

Lancelot had been assigned as Gwen's personal protector, after one of the dark wizards threatened to have more of his kind to kill the person Arthur loved most. This was convenient for Lance and Gwen, as he got to spend plenty of time with his baby son.

Of course, Gwen was not the person Arthur loved most. At the moment, that person was walking in the gardens with Gwen, as they had been best friends for a long time.

"Merlin, I hate to ask, but would you be willing to do a favor for Lance and I?" Gwen asked.

"Sure," said Merlin with an easy smile.

"Don't agree to it until you know what it is," said Gwen, amused.

"You're my friend, Gwen. You've done so much for Arthur and I. Of course I'll help you with whatever you need."

Gwen crossed her fingers and hoped for the best. "I want you to babysit Thomas."

"Al_right_," Merlin grinned. "I'd been hoping you'd ask me that eventually."

"Thank you!" Gwen threw her arms around Merlin and hugged him tightly.

"Can't.. breathe…" Merlin sputtered.

"Sorry!" Gwen immediately released him. "I'm just so excited. Lance and I really need to take a breather. Raising Thomas is hard work, more so than we imagined. We just need some time to ourselves, just four hours tops."

Merlin nodded, but Gwen didn't notice. She kept prattling on.

"I'd ask the wet nurse to help, but she's got the day off and I didn't have the heart to ask anyone else, not the with the festival coming up. I could leave him with one of the other servants, but I really want you there, in case there are any magical accidents. He hasn't shown signs of that yet, but you never know. I know it's asking a lot but-"

"I told you I'll do it," Merlin reminded her. "It's not a hardship, honestly. I want to do it."

"Are you sure? I don't want to take advantage of your good nature."

"Gwen," said Merlin, rolling his eyes. "I'm babysitting your child - the end."

"Wonderful," said the queen, grinning from ear to ear.

"What are you and Lance going to do while you're gone?"

"We're going to go out to the forest, have dinner, and relax. But he's a handful - I don't think you should have to care for him all by yourself," Gwen fretted.

"Don't worry, I won't be alone," Merlin reassured her, smirking to himself. "I'll make Arthur do it with me."

"Are you sure he's up for it?" Gwen looked astounded.

"Why not? What could go wrong?" Merlin joked. "I'll go find him right now.:

.~.

It didn't take long to find Arthur, as he was working on paperwork in his and Merlin's chambers. Merlin made his demand and waited for Arthur to answer.

"You want me to WHAT?" Arthur yelled.

Merlin shook his head at the king. Perhaps he hadn't worded his demand very well. Oh well. Arthur didn't have a choice.

"It's just babysitting, Arthur. It's not the end of the world," Merlin pointed out.

"I can't be responsible for a baby," Arthur insisted. "I don't even _like _babies. Well, Thomas is the exception because I'm his pretend father, but…" Arthur shuddered. "It sounds like a horrible way to spend the day. He doesn't do anything interesting. He burps, he spits up, he poops, he cries…that's about it."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "I'm the one who will be responsible for him and I'll take care of the poop. I just want you to help."

"For how long?" Arthur asked. "Are they just stepping out for a bit?"

"Four hours," said Merlin, waiting for the outburst that was sure to come.

"FOUR HOURS?!" Arthur cried. "Are you out of your mind? No. No freaking way," Arthur said, crossing his arms and looking defiant. "I'm the king, and I won't have you ordering me around, _Mer_lin, even if you are the love of my life."

"Not even if afterwards I…" Merlin whispered something in Arthur's ear, making Arthur's eyes go wide with anticipation.

"Babysitting sounds like a _fantastic _idea," Arthur enthused. "Let's go tell Gwen we'll help her out."

"I knew you'd see it my way," Merlin said, a smug look upon his face.

.~.

_Thirty minutes later_

Gwen and Lance had given the king and the court sorcerer all of their instructions, and said their goodbyes to baby Thomas. Almost the moment that the parents left the king's chambers, Thomas began to cry.

But Merlin wasn't worried. All he had to do was figure out what Thomas wanted, give it to him, and he would stop crying.

But it just wasn't that simple.

"Why won't he stop crying?" Arthur asked twenty minutes later.

"Beats me!" Merlin cried. "We've tried everything. We've tried giving him milk, he's not soiled, he's been burped, we tried holding and rocking him, we've tried playing with him with his toys, I even tried to sing him a lullaby, but nothing is working!"

"Maybe he hates your singing," Arthur slyly suggested.

"Hey now," Merlin glared at Arthur. "Watch it. I have a _great _singing voice."

"Maybe he's bored," Arthur suggested. "Why don't you show him the dragon? That always keeps me entertained."

"Okay, but you have to hold him while I do the spell."

Arthur made a face, but he took a strong hold of Thomas as Merlin passed him over.

Merlin concentrated on conjuring the golden dragon, and making it fly close to the baby. But Thomas only screamed harder.

"How could he not like the dragon?" Arthur moaned over the din of Thomas's shrill cry after he handed the baby back to Merlin. "I was _sure_ that was going to work."

Merlin wished he could consult his mother, but she was far away in Ealdor. But then he thought about his mother, and how she had to take care of baby Merlin, who randomly would show his magical powers.

"Arthur, I think I've got it!" Merlin crowed. "It might have to do with his magic."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure exactly. But it's possible that he's trying to make his magic manifest."

Just then, Thomas made his 'poop' face, scrunching up his facial figures, but when they checked him, there was no excrement to be found.

"Well, I'm stumped," said Arthur.

"I think I understand," said Merlin. "He might be trying to use his magic, but he just can't manage it. It looks like he's trying really hard to do something, but he just can't do it. Maybe he's just frustrated."

"I know I am," Arthur muttered. "Babies are just _difficult_. I don't know why anyone would want one."

That was when Arthur was pulled by an unseen force up against the bed's headboard. Instinctively, Merlin tried to stop Arthur from hitting his head, but he only managed to slow Arthur down. The king's head connected with the wooden headboard with a small crack.

"Owwwwwwwwww," Arthur bellowed. "That hurt!"

"Thomas!" Merlin frowned sternly at the baby, then quickly created a magical shield around the baby, where nothing could get in or out. "That's not acceptable behavior."

The baby gurgled and laughed, clapping his hands together at the sight of the injured Arthur, who was clutching his head.

"Are you alright?" Merlin asked his love, knowing that the injury wasn't that serious.

"No, I am bloody not alright!" Arthur cried. "Gwen's baby just threw me into the headboard and my head is killing me! Fix it, Merlin."

"You're such a big baby."

"Am not," Arthur pouted.

"You didn't hit the headboard _that _badly. I made sure of that."

"Merlin, _now_," Arthur ordered.

"Show me where it hurts," Merlin instructed. Arthur did, and Merlin murmured a quick healing spell. Five seconds later, it was as if Arthur had never been injured at all.

"Thank you so much, Merlin, for healing my injury" said the sorcerer in a falsetto voice, when Arthur gave no such thanks.

"I'm not thanking you," Arthur growled. "It was partially your fault that I got hurt. You didn't slow me down in time."

"Thomas took me by surprise," said Merlin. "I did the best I could."

"Why would he ever do such a thing?"

"I think you shouldn't have insulted him," Merlin said with a straight face, biting back a laugh.

Arthur threw up his hands. "What the hell did I _say_?"

"That babies are difficult and that you didn't want one," Merlin reminded him.

"I didn't think that he could actually _understand _me," said Arthur. "Good lord. This is a disaster."

"No it's not. It's wonderful that Thomas's powers have finally manifested!" Merlin's heart swelled with pride. "I'll be able to teach him how to control his magic as soon as he can talk."

"Yeah, bloody wonderful," Arthur muttered. "Perhaps I shouldn't have made magic legal after all, if this is the result."

Merlin glared at Arthur.

"Just joking," Arthur said hastily. The last thing he wanted was to make Merlin mad, especially since he wanted Merlin to follow through with his promise. "Let's not tell Gwen about this."

"Why?"

"Why? Because it's embarrassing!" Arthur exclaimed. "I don't want her to know that the king of Camelot was bested by her baby."

"A magical baby," Merlin reminded him.

"He's still a baby! If I told Gwen, I'd never hear the end of it, from her, Lance, or the knights."

"She needs to know that Thomas's powers have appeared," said Merlin.

"Then tell her that, but don't go into the specifics."

"What if she asks?" Merlin was enjoying this.

"Merlin!" Arthur cried.

"Okay, okay," said Merlin. "I'm going to take down the shield around Thomas."

"Are you insane?" Arthur cried. "He hates me! He'll just throw me against the wall again."

"I won't let him," Merlin promised. The court sorcerer released the shield around the baby. Predictably, Thomas tried to take hold of Arthur, but Merlin easily stopped him. He put a firm magical hold on the baby, much like a mother cat holding her kitten by the scruff of his neck.

"Thomas, we don't use our magic to hurt people," Merlin said sternly. "Arthur is your 'father' - you need to be nice to him."

Thomas scrunched up his face with disgust.

"Arthur loves you very much," said Merlin. "Don't you, Arthur?"

"Uh, yes," said Arthur, rather reluctantly.

"Thomas, we only use our magic to help people," Merlin instructed. "We don't use it to take advantage of magically deficient people like Arthur."

"Hey!" Arthur began, but Merlin shushed him.

Thomas stuck his lower lip out in a pout.

"Look at that," said Merlin. "He's already imitating his 'father'."

"I do not _pout_," Arthur insisted.

Merlin raised his eyebrows. /I beg to differ./

/Shut up, Merlin/ was Arthur's response.

Thomas stopped pouting when Merlin brought over his toys, a little stuffed dragon and a gryphon. He played quietly with them for awhile, taking a break to suck on the bottle of milk that Gwen had left for him. Then, after Merlin had burped him, he fell asleep.

Arthur and Merlin slumped down on their bed, exhausted from taking care of the baby.

.~.

Gwen and Lance returned five hours after they left, but Merlin couldn't blame her for taking an extra hour, now that he'd experienced just what it was like taking care of Thomas.

"So, how was he?" Gwen asked.

Arthur and Merlin exchanged glances.

"Well, he showed the first sign of his magic," Merlin announced.

"That's wonderful!" Gwen exclaimed. "I'm only sad I wasn't around to see it."

"What did he do?" Lance asked.

"Oh, that doesn't really matter, now, does it?" Arthur said quickly. "The important thing is that we know that he's very strong magically."

"He flung Arthur against a wall," Merlin tattled.

"_Merlin_!" Arthur exploded. "You promised not to tell them!"

"I never promised anything," said Merlin. "But don't worry, Gwen. I had a talk with Thomas. He knows that it's not good to use his magic to hurt people."

"What good is telling that to a baby?" Lance enquired.

"Apparently he can understand us," said Merlin. "He only flung Arthur against the wall after he insulted him."

"Arthur!" Gwen and Lance both frowned at the king.

"Give me a break!" Arthur exclaimed. "I didn't know he could understand me!"

"We'll take him back now," said Gwen. Merlin was happy to give Thomas back to his mother. "Thank you for watching him," said Gwen. "I am sorry about the magical incident, Arthur."

"It's alright," said the king. "I know he can't help it."

"It will make for a great story when he's older," said Merlin. "It was really funny to watch."

"Merlin, I swear…" Arthur growled.

Gwen and Lance took that opportunity to slip away, leaving the king and his sorcerer to their argument.

But Arthur found that the whole babysitting fiasco to be worth it, when Merlin fulfilled his promise and made Arthur scream, not in pain this time, but in pleasure.

.~.

End Bonus Chapter

A/N: The next bonus chapter will be about Merlin wanting to eventually have kids, but Arthur is not so keen on the idea. Drama ensues.


	41. Bonus Ch 4 - Future Worries

Disclaimer: Merlin does not belong to me.

A/N: My grandmother has been diagnosed with senile dementia and it's been really hard on my mom and aunts, so I guess that is where this is coming from. She still recognizes us, though. Hope this isn't too much of a downer. If anyone gets the Galavant thing, I hope you laugh!

.~.

Bonus Chapter 4: Future Worries

.~.

Merlin and Arthur had just returned from the lower town. Merlin had been called to see if he could heal one of the elderly men who had served Uther as a knight many years ago. His name was Sir Galavant, and he was 80 years old, which was practically ancient in Merlin's time. When he'd been in the service, Sir Galavant had a reputation of being merciful, even letting those with magic escape the kingdom instead of bringing them to Uther.

Arthur waited outside while Merlin went to examine the old man. He wanted to visit those inside, but he wanted Merlin to prepare the people first. Arthur had quickly found out that people's hero worship of him lessened somewhat if they knew ahead of time that he was coming to meet him. Arthur didn't believe that he deserved his subjects' blind adoration, so he would do most anything to prevent that.

Merlin was met by Galavant's son and daughter-in-law. They took him back to the bedroom where Galavant lay resting. Merlin scanned the man with his magic, his heart sinking as he realized what was ailing the old knight. It was soon clear to the warlock that there was nothing he could do. The man had an illness of the mind. Merlin was a skilled healer, but even he couldn't heal the inner workings of the mind.

"I'm sorry," Merlin softly told the man's son the bad news as they returned to the kitchen area. "He seems to have a form of dementia. I can't help him - my powers don't work that way. I wish I could."

"We appreciate you coming," said the son's wife, giving him a sad smile. "We know you did all you could."

"Sometimes he doesn't even remember who I am," said the man's son. "It's quite horrible when he forgets where he is. He becomes agitated and it takes awhile for me to convince him that I'm his son and that he needs to calm down."

"I have something for his anxiety," said Merlin, producing a small bottle containing a potion. If you can, give it to him when he becomes afraid or nervous."

"Thank you, Merlin," the son said in gratitude. "Well, we don't want to take up more of your time."

But Merlin wasn't about to leave. "I've heard that one of your father's dying wishes was to meet King Arthur," said Merlin.

"Yes," said the son. "He wanted to thank Arthur personally for making so many positive changes to this land. But I doubt that will happen now."

"Don't be so sure," Merlin said with a grin. "Actually, he's right outside."

The couple gasped in unison. "We can't receive the king!" The son protested. "Our humble home is nowhere near what he is used to."

"Arthur could care less about that," Merlin insisted. "I told him about your father's wish, and he wants to meet him. Can I bring him inside?"

Wordlessly, the couple nodded.

Merlin walked to the outside of the dwelling, motioned to Arthur, and came back inside.

"Good evening," Arthur said politely, following Merlin inside to meet Sir Galavant and his family. "It's nice to meet you."

The young couple were flabbergasted by the king's appearance. The son recovered first.

"Your majesty!" He exclaimed, bowing low. His wife did the same. "We weren't expecting your visit, or else we would've tidied up more."

"It's quite alright," said Arthur, trying to put the man at ease, motioning for them to stand back up. "In my younger days, I used to make quite a mess myself, and back when Merlin was my servant, he always had to clean it up."

"It's true," said Merlin, sneaking a glance at his king, who was looking insufferably smug. Merlin decided to bring him down a peg or two. "He was exceptionally messy. He always left me extra work just to annoy me. Being his servant was no picnic, that's for sure."

The young couple looked quite astonished that Merlin would speak towards their king in such an insubordinate manner.

"Just joking, Sire," Merlin added, for the couple's benefit.

"Very funny, _Mer_lin," said Arthur. "So, where is Sir Galavant?" The king asked, trying to change the subject so that the couple wouldn't dwell on Merlin's familiarity with him. The idiot had forgotten that they weren't alone, where it didn't matter if he was respectful towards the king or not.

"Follow me." Galavant's son lead Arthur and Merlin into a small bedroom. "He may not recognize you, my king," the son warned as they approached the bed. The knight was lying in the bed, his eyes focusing and unfocusing on the ceiling.

"Father, you have a special guest. King Arthur has come to see you," the son announced.

The man's eyes lit up as he recognized Arthur by the red and gold Pendragon crest that he was wearing. "Ar-Arthur," the man stammered and reached out with his trembling hand. "King."

"It's good to meet you, Sir Galavant," said Arthur, kneeling down to be on the man's level as he shook the man's hand. "I wanted to thank you for all your years of service you gave to my father. Especially because of how you helped people accused of witchcraft, putting your own life on the line to help them. That was very brave."

"Thank- good - king," the man gasped out, struggling to find the words to express what he felt as the pointed at Arthur.

"I understand," Arthur said softly, and the old knight relaxed. "I try to be a good king. I wish for all my subjects to live in peace. I've made quite a few changes, but I like to think they are for the better."

Sir Galavant nodded his head enthusiastically and Arthur chuckled. Then the man's eyes began to close. It wasn't long before he was asleep. Galavant's son ushered them back to the kitchen.

"I don't know how I'll ever repay you," said the son, wringing his hands. "Never in all my years did I expect you to come."

"You're welcome," Arthur said easily. "And you don't need to repay me. I was happy to come."

"I'm glad that he recognized you," said the son. "Father doesn't usually remember strangers, but he knew exactly who you were. You must be very special to him."

"I don't know about that," said Arthur, mildly embarrassed. "But it was good to reward a man for all of his years of service to the kingdom." Arthur nodded at the son and wife, and then made his escape outside.

"I'll come back and visit," Merlin promised as he followed Arthur out the door. "If there's a change in his behavior, don't hesitate to let me know."

"We will," the husband and wife chorused, both thinking that Merlin had considerable influence over the king if he'd been able to persuade him into visiting their home.

.~.

Merlin and Arthur made their way back to the castle, taking their evening meal in the king's chambers. Merlin noticed that Arthur was rather subdued during dinner.

"What's eating you?" Merlin asked.

"Nothing," Arthur shot back. "I'm just tired, is all."

"Fine," Merlin said calmly, knowing from experience that it was just better to leave Arthur be for awhile. He went back to eating his chicken, wondering what was bothering the love of his life. He thought he hadn't done or said anything to offend Arthur, but one never could tell. He vowed to pull it out of Arthur by bedtime.

.~.

As it turned out, he didn't have to do anything of the sort. They were going through their nightly bedtime routine. While Merlin's back was turned, Arthur sat down on their bed, his shoulders shaking while he silently cried.

"Merlin?" Arthur sounded almost completely broken. The _please pay attention to me_ was insinuated at the end.

"Yes?" Merlin whipped around to face Arthur. He hadn't heard that defeated tone of voice from Arthur in a long time. "What's wrong, love?" He asked, coming to sit next to Arthur. He gently began to rub circles over Arthur's bare skin.

Arthur sniffed in reply, his eyes slightly watering. "What if that happens to us?" /I'm scared, Merlin/ he thought.

"What are you talking about?" Merlin was beginning to worry. What had put Arthur in such a state?

"What if what happened to Sir Galavant happens to me when I'm his age?" Arthur asked. "You can't heal illnesses of the mind - I would have no way to recover. Sir Galavant doesn't always recognize any of his family members. What if, when I'm his age, I don't recognize you?" /I can't let that happen. I'll go insane/ Arthur thought.

"Arthur, I doubt that will happen," Merlin tried to reassure him. /It will be all right./

"Yes, but that sort of thing runs in families," Arthur insisted. "You didn't know this, but before he died, my father was beginning to forget things."

"I think I would've noticed that," said Merlin.

"We tried to keep it as secret as possible," said Arthur. "My father didn't want anyone to know besides me and a few of his trusted knights."

"You could've told me," said Merlin, a little hurt that Arthur had waited until now to share this piece of information.

"At that point in our lives, I hadn't confessed my love for you," Arthur reminded him. "Not to mention, you hadn't confessed about your magic to me. We didn't nearly have the level of trust then that we do now."

"That's right," Merlin remembered. "You still could've told me."

"Well, I'm telling you _now_," Arthur said sharply.

"There's no need to get cross," said Merlin, holding up his hands.

Arthur sighed. "If I ever get to that point, if I don't know who you are, I want you to kill me."

Merlin looked appalled. "I could never do that."

"Not even if I asked you?"

"No, Arthur," Merlin said sternly. "You don't need to worry about what would happen to you. I would take care of you. Besides, we have our telepathic link. I think as long as we still had that, you'd be able to recognize me, at least in your mind."

"Perhaps," said Arthur, but he was still worried. "I wouldn't want you to devote all of your time into caring for me. I wouldn't want to be a burden on you."

"I will be there for you, in sickness and in health," Merlin reminded him. "I know we didn't actually have a wedding, but we're as good as married, especially now that we're soul bonded. I take that very seriously." /I'll never leave you, Arthur./

"Yes, but you could be out doing so much good," said Arthur, warmed by Merlin's mental words of reassurance. "I can envision you as a great sorcerer in your golden years. It would be a waste of your talents if you were stuck taking care of me."

"Let me make that choice," Merlin said softly. "Arthur, you mean everything to me. If I want to spend my time taking care of you, I will."

"Thanks," Arthur said quietly.

"I would hope you'd do the same for me," Merlin said quietly.

"Of _course _I would!" Arthur exploded. "How could even _think-_"

"Just joking," said Merlin, cracking a smile.

Arthur managed to smile back.

"Arthur you can't dwell on this and forget to live," Merlin gently chided.

"I know." Arthur sighed. "It's just that the reality of what happens in old age really hit home with me today."

"I'm sure it's not easy caring for an elderly person," said Merlin. "But if one of us had to, I'm sure we could manage. We would have our friends and servants and my magic students to help us. We wouldn't be facing it alone." /I promise./

"That's true," Arthur considered, brightening a tad. /I feel a little better now./

"Try not to worry about it," Merlin insisted. "Right now we're both still young. We still have our whole lives together. We still have plenty of adventures to go on, you still need to unite the five kingdoms, we need to help raise Thomas… there's plenty we need to do before we reach old age."

"You're right," Arthur agreed.

"I'm _right_?" Merlin chuckled. "What's the occasion?"

"Nothing. Every once and awhile you say something that's sensible. I'm just giving credit where credit is due," said Arthur, smiling at Merlin.

"You've come a long way," said Merlin, fondly ruffling Arthur's hair.

"You had a lot to do with that," said Arthur.

"I know," Merlin said smugly.

They began to talk of happier times, remembering all that they'd been through to get to the point where they had confessed their love for one another. Then Merlin took advantage of the situation and began to kiss Arthur like there was no tomorrow. They had a rather intense encounter, as Arthur was desperate to lose himself in Merlin's body and mind. Merlin held Arthur afterwards as they drifted off to sleep in each other's arms, vowing to live each day with Arthur to the fullest.

.~.

End Bonus Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks for reading! Reviews are great :)


	42. Bonus Chapter 5 - Possibilities

Disclaimer: Merlin and Arthur aren't mine.

A/N: Someone asked me to write about if Merlin and Arthur would ever have a child of their own. (Let's just assume that with magic, it would be possible for their DNA to be combined, and implanted in a surrogate mother.) This is what came of that request.

Summary: Merlin and Arthur are enjoying being around Gwen and Lance's baby. Merlin realizes he wanted to have children with Arthur via magic and a surrogate mother. However, Arthur doesn't want kids. Drama ensues.

Bonus Chapter 5

.~.

_There Are Always Possibilities_

.~.

"What a night!" Arthur exclaimed as he flopped on his king-sized bed next to an equally worn out Merlin. "Thomas wouldn't stop running from me. Then he decided to play his version of 'hide and seek'. He's barely two years old - that's not old enough to know how to make himself invisible!"

"I could always tell where he was hiding," Merlin assured his king. "He was never in any danger. Anyone with magic could've detected him."

"Well good for you, _Mer_lin," Arthur retorted. "Us regular folk have quite a bit of difficulty in caring for a magical baby. It's exhausting."

"Oh, stop complaining. You loved every minute of it," Merlin insisted.

"Yeah," Arthur admitted. "Playing with Thomas is a lot of fun. He really thinks I'm his father, which I think is hilarious."

"Arthur, as far as he knows, you ARE his father," Merlin reminded him.

"I know, I know," said the king. "I'm happy to play the part. I just feel bad for Lance. Thomas won't know the truth for a long time. Right now he just thinks that Lance is a doting uncle."

"At least Lance is alive and part of his son's life," said Merlin.

"That's true," Arthur considered.

Arthur had married an already-pregnant Gwen when Merlin had declared Lancelot to be dead at the hands of dark sorcerers. When Lancelot miraculously returned months later, he and Gwen were thrilled to be reunited. However, they were saddened that Gwen couldn't divorce Arthur because the people of Camelot already believed that Lance's son was Arthur's. They couldn't reveal the truth, and the people would go on believing that Thomas had Pendragon blood in his veins. Arthur and Gwen would have to raise Thomas (named after Gwen's deceased father) to be the heir to the throne.

But for now, Thomas was just a toddler, who was loved by all of his parents as well as his Uncle Merlin. Arthur and Gwen had decided to raise him as normally as possible, as much as they could in a castle where he'd be treated like the prince he was. They didn't want him to rely on servants to do everything for him. They wanted him to be independent and to have plenty of opportunities to grow into the person he was supposed to become. Arthur didn't want to place any expectations on him, as Uther had done with him right from the start. When he was old enough, Thomas would learn what he needed to know to rule the kingdom, and not before then.

"He's already picked up some of my mannerisms," said Arthur. "The servants tell me that when talks, he sounds like me. But the other day, he picked up Gwen's hand, kissed it, and called her 'milady'. Gwen almost fell over in shock."

Merlin chuckled. That action was so utterly _Lance_. He wondered if Thomas had actually seen Lance do that to Gwen, or if he'd done it on his own. Either way, his chivalrous behavior was adorable.

"You know, I think it's neat watching Thomas grow up," said the warlock. "I know I'm just his non-biological uncle, but I already feel close to him. Maybe it's because he has magic, but I don't think that's just it. I feel like I can understand him, that I can anticipate his needs. I've always liked children, but it's different with him, knowing that he's part Gwen and part Lance. Does that make sense?"

"Sort of," said Arthur. "I can't say I've ever felt anything like that, however. Why do you think feel this way?"

"I can't explain it," said Merlin, wishing that he could quantify what he felt so that Arthur could have a better understanding. "I feel a close connection with him - like I want to protect him from all the evils of this world but I also want him to experience the beauty of living life without the restrictions of fear. I'd imagine I'd feel that ten fold if he was actually my son."

"Hmm," Arthur said non-committally.

Merlin now saw his chance to bring up a topic to Arthur that had been on his mind ever since Thomas had been born. He'd been reluctant to bring it up before now because he didn't think it would be well received, but he decided that now was as good a time as any.

"Arthur, I was wondering what you thought about children." Merlin's heart began to race, as he was already nervous about what Arthur would say.

"What about them?" The king looked at him, uncomprehending.

Merlin inwardly groaned. Apparently he was going to have to spell it out for his life-partner. "Would you ever want to have a child with me?" Merlin asked.

"Merlin, you idiot, we are two men." Arthur gave his sorcerer an incredulous expression. "There is no possible _way _for us to have a baby."

"There is a way," said Merlin.

"Oh, you mean adoption," said Arthur, incorrectly guessing at Merlin's meaning. "That doesn't really interest me."

"No, I meant a way to combine our essences and have a child of you and of me."

"How?" Arthur sounded skeptical, and Merlin couldn't blame him.

"It's possible with magic," said Merlin.

"Spare me the details," said Arthur, looking a little green. "Even if we could, I have enough responsibilities as it is being king. I don't have time to be a real father."

"You're playing the part with Thomas well enough," Merlin reminded him.

"Yes, but I only see him every so often. By choice, Lance is usually there to help Gwen. I get to hold him, play with him, and give him back to his "real" parents. That's all I want to do with children - that's all I know _how_ to do," Arthur realized. "I don't think it would be fair to have one of my own if I didn't want to be a parent. If I had to mold and discipline a child… that would probably be turn out to be a disaster. I don't know if I'm up to it; I don't want that kind of responsibility."

"Perhaps that's how you feel now," said Merlin. "But that could change in the future, right?"

"I don't think so," said Arthur. "Why do you want us to have a kid so badly any way?"

"I dunno," said Merlin, very aware that what he said would be closely scrutinized by Arthur. "I think I would be a really good dad. I know I would screw up - every parent does. But I believe that a child I would raise would be an asset to the world. He or she would be extremely tolerant of all people and of all lifestyles."

"Including homosexuality."

"Yes," said Merlin, his eyes shining with possibilities as he gave voice to his distant dream. "And if they had magic or not. And their class difference and skin color and religious beliefs. It would be so amazing to raise a child who didn't have those preconceived notions. They could do something truly incredible with their life!"

Arthur sighed, knowing that he wouldn't be able to make Merlin shut up about this until he'd said what was on his mind. "Go on."

"There's so much that I'd like to teach them," Merlin continued. "Life lessons, how to be kind to everyone, how to be a friend, how to love."

A small crease began to form on Arthur's forehead, but Merlin was on a roll. He decided to keep going.

"Then there's the idea that our child would be predisposed to be a great fighter like you, and it's also quite likely they'd inherit my magical talent. Wouldn't you like to see what that child would be like? Which physical traits of ours they would inherit? What kind of personality they would have? What sort of hobbies they'd develop? How they'd interact with us and Gwen and Lance and Morgana?"

"Merlin, I just don't know," Arthur fretted, wearing what Merlin had dubbed his 'freak out' face. Arthur only wore it when he was having a hard time dealing with a certain situation. "Having a child would completely change the dynamic of our relationship. We'd barely find time for ourselves, even with a wet nurse and the mother helping us out."

Merlin begrudgingly conceded that Arthur had a good point. But then he told Arthur that he was certain that with planning and practice, they would find a way. After all, plenty of other couples did. Raising a child with someone was not without its challenges, but it certainly wasn't impossible.

"Should I be worried about this?" Arthur glanced at Merlin. "Would you consider leaving me and choosing another, who could give you what you wanted?"

Merlin tried to reassure Arthur. "I don't want a child unless it's with you. We're bound for life, remember? Let's not worry about this now. _I'm_ not worried."

Arthur looked pleased. "Well, then that's settled. Goodnight, love."

"Goodnight," Merlin echoed.

A few minutes later, Arthur's light snores filled the room.

That was when Merlin started to worry. As he lay awake in bed that night, he began to replay in his head what had been said between him and Arthur. He _really _had a strong desire to have a child of his own. Not now, but in the not too distant future. What if Arthur never came around? Should he stay with Arthur, or should he look for someone else to share his life with who did want children?

Then Merlin felt horribly guilty. He remembered their destiny and their soul bond. How could he ever _think _about leaving Arthur, who was the love of his life? He had never considered the ramifications of breaking their bond before. He knew the consequences would be detrimental to them both if he suddenly tore their bond apart. He knew that he could (eventually) learn to handle those consequences, but he couldn't let Arthur suffer like that. Arthur didn't have any magical defenses. He wouldn't understand what had happened to him, and Merlin could imagine that depression, headaches, and other things could manifest from a broken soul bond.

There was also the fact that they had an amazing relationship. Arthur accepted Merlin for all that he was, and he wasn't intimidated by Merlin's magic. They'd gone through a rough patch when Merlin had been under a dark magic spell, but they'd emerged from it stronger than ever. Merlin accepted that Arthur was going to act like a prat sometimes and say things to Merlin that he didn't really mean. He accepted that Arthur could be a little closed off until he worked through a problem, especially if it had to do with the safety of the kingdom, but he would eventually ask for Merlin's advice. They were excellent at anticipating each other's needs, and that was even easier now that they had the telepathy. How could Merlin even _think _about trying to meddle with such a good thing?

Then Merlin tried to imagine what life would be like if he and Arthur weren't together. He knew he'd have a king-sized hole in his heart that no child with someone else could fill. And his mind - he couldn't even think about the unspeakable pain if he chose to break their bond. No, he wouldn't break his bond with Arthur. But something in him desperately wanted a child - with Arthur - in the future. But Arthur didn't even want to _talk_ about it. Merlin knew he had to talk to _someone_ about this before it ate him alive.

He decided to speak with Morgana about it in the morning. Merlin figured she'd have good advice. Girls were just usually well versed in such situations as his. He knew that his apprentice would likely have some welcome words of wisdom. At the very least, she would listen to him and not make fun of him. Then there was the fact that she was a Seer. Perhaps Morgana had had a prophetic dream that could help him.

With that thought in mind, Merlin slowly drifted off to sleep.

.~.

_The next morning_

Merlin took his breakfast with Morgana in her chambers, as she had offered to help him with whatever it was that was bothering him. They were enjoying their porridge when Merlin spoke up.

"Have you had any dreams about Arthur and I having a child?" He blurted out.

"No." Morgana frowned. "Why?"

Morgana was one of the most powerful Seers in all the land. Most of the time her visions ended up coming true, although the small details were often wrong.

"Sorry… I just wondered," Merlin said, sounding glum.

"Merlin, what's really going on?" Morgana asked knowingly.

Merlin explained how spending time with Thomas really made him wish for a child of his own, and how Arthur was against it.

"What exactly did he say to you about it?" Morgana asked.

"He said he's not sure about having children."

"So there's still hope," Morgana pointed out.

"I don't think there's much," Merlin said sadly. "Arthur said that he already has enough responsibilities, with our relationship, running the kingdom, and spending time with Thomas. He also didn't want to change the state of our relationship. He's perfectly happy with the way things are."

"Are you?" Morgana asked.

"Yes!" Merlin insisted. And he was happy, _very_ happy. "Everything is almost perfect. We have the occasional squabble, but nothing serious. We live a charmed life."

"Then why do you want to change things?"

"I don't, not right now," said Merlin. "I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility either, not with my duties to the school and to you, to Thomas. But someday…"

"You just want to have that option open," Morgana filled in the blank for him.

"Yes, exactly!" Merlin smiled at her. "You get it. Why doesn't Arthur?"

"Other than he's a prat?" Morgana smirked, always eager to poke fun at Arthur. She hoped to lighten the mood a little, for Merlin's sake.

"Other than that," said Merlin with a grin.

"He probably has some insecurities about being a father, especially concerning how Uther raised him," Morgana inferred.

"I understand that," said Merlin. "Uther screwed him up pretty badly."

"There's also the fact he has almost no experience with children," Morgana pointed out. "Except for Thomas, he's never been exposed to that sort of thing. Perhaps he's never wanted to."

"Perhaps," said Merlin.

"Or perhaps due to his fear of the extra responsibility, he's never really thought about having a child of his own, and what that would entail," said Morgana.

"How could you not think about that?" Merlin cried. "I thought about what it would be like to have a child when I _was_ a child. I always imagined myself to be a father, even though my own was never around. I just knew that, if given the chance, I would do a good job."

Morgana smiled. "Not everyone thinks like you, Merlin. In fact, I would say that most men don't."

"Lucky me," Merlin deadpanned.

Morgana shook her head at Merlin's sarcasm. Sometimes she wondered how Merlin and Arthur worked. At times, they seemed as different as night and day. Although Arthur was the ruler of thousands of subjects, she believed that Merlin was years ahead of king in terms of maturity. His struggles with his magic had forced him to be. And now Merlin wanted a child of theirs in the future, but for Arthur, that idea scared him. Morgana thought that Merlin would probably just have to wait until Arthur matured.

"Alright," said Morgana, bringing them back on topic. "What exactly did Arthur say when you finished your discussion?"

"He asked me if I should be worried, and I said 'there's no need to worry about it now'. That seemed to satisfy him and he went straight to sleep."

"I'm sorry he wasn't more understanding of how you were feeling, Merlin," said Morgana, her lips pursed in sympathy. "But I'm glad you kept your head long enough to tell him not to worry. That was the best thing you could have said. But that's not how you truly felt, was it?"

"I didn't lie, not exactly," said Merlin. "In that moment, I truly _wasn't_ worried about it. I told him not to worry and at that time I meant it. But as I tried to fall asleep, I began to second guess myself. Is it horrible that it crossed my mind that I could end things between us?"

"No," said Morgana. "I think that's normal."

"Maybe, but I shouldn't ever be thinking like that," Merlin moped. "I promised myself to Arthur for _life_. I don't take that promise lightly. I love him more than life itself but, will that be enough?"

"There's no way to know. The thing is, and I know you don't want to hear this, but whatever will happen, will happen. If you and Arthur are meant to have a child, you will. If not…" Morgana shrugged.

"I know, but if Arthur chooses not to, I'll never get to meet them. I'll never have the chance to know what could have been. That choice will be taken from me," Merlin said sadly.

"Then I'm afraid it's up to Arthur," said Morgana. "Unless…" She narrowed her eyes at him. "Isn't it possible that you could create a child of yours and his essence without his knowing it?"

"Yes…" Merlin admitted, not liking where she was going with this. A sinking feeling settled in his stomach, and much like he did if he had to tell a lie.

"Here's a scenario," Morgana began. "You could have a woman you trust carry the child, perhaps one of your students. You could visit her from time to time, check up on your child. You'd never get to tell them about their true background, but you'd have a child of yourself and Arthur. You'd get to watch them grow up. You'd get to be their teacher and spend time with him or her that way."

"I could _never_ do that!" Merlin cried. "I couldn't create a child of Arthur's without his permission."

"Alright - what about this," Morgana postulated. "There could be a magical 'accident', when you just happened to help a woman who desperately wanted a child to get pregnant and had a child, one that just happened to look like you and Arthur combined? And you just happened to mention the child's true parentage to Arthur, that way he'd have to accept them?"

"No! That's no better than a woman who is taking a potion to prevent having children to stop taking it, not tell her husband, and 'accidentally' getting pregnant. That's _wrong_!" Merlin exclaimed. "I could never live with myself if I did that."

"So manipulation is out of the question." Morgana looked almost disappointed.

"Yes, that's absolutely out of the question! Mor_gana_." Merlin glared at her.

She held up her hands in protest. "I just wanted to check, to see how far you'd go to have that child you so desperately want to meet."

"Not _that_ far!" Merlin insisted. "It has to be with Arthur's blessing, or not at all."

"Very well," said Morgana. "Perhaps we can slowly introduce him to children of different ages. Perhaps have a bring-your-child-to-magic-school day, and ask Arthur to attend? I'm sure there are all sorts of volunteering opportunities where he could mingle with his subjects and play with some children. Maybe the knights could hold a training camp for young boys who have dreamed of becoming knights when they grow up? Arthur would love that!"

"That sounds great, but I don't want to push him," Merlin fretted. "But if I _don't _do something, he probably will never change his mind. I don't know what to do! Argh, this is awful! It's so frustrating and confusing and scary and…"

"Merlin," she cut him off. "Take a deep breath. You're starting to get really worked up about this."

"You don't say." Merlin aimed a death glare in her direction.

"Stop glaring at me!" Morgana threw up her hands. "It's not my fault Arthur's like this."

"Sorry," Merlin apologized.

"In fact, if this is anyone's fault, it's _yours_ Merlin," said Morgana. "You bonded yourself to Arthur for life, before considering what all that would mean."

"I never even considered having a child when I was offered that choice," said Merlin. "I guess I just thought if Arthur saw how badly I wanted a child, he would eventually give in. Now, I don't think that's the case."

"You're looking at all this from a love-based perspective," said Morgana. "He's looking at it from a point of fear. He's more than likely focusing on the negatives that go with having a child. If we could remind him about all the good things that came with having a child, it's possible we could help change his mind."

"Just as long as there's no manipulation," said Merlin. "That's not fair to anyone, and honestly, I don't think it would work on Arthur."

"No manipulation," Morgana promised. "I'll talk with Gwen about this soon. I'm sure between the two of us, we can come up with something that would help you."

"Thank you," Merlin said gratefully. "Like I said before, all my life I wanted to grow up to be a father. Perhaps it's because I didn't have a father, that I fixated on that idea. But even when I was young, I knew it was a crazy idea for me to want to father a child because I knew that I'd probably pass on my magic. How could I bring a child into a world that banned magic?"

"But that's not the case anymore," said Morgana. "The law is gone, and people have become much more tolerant of us with the gift. In a lot of ways, Camelot would be an ideal place for a child with magic to grow up."

"Yes," Merlin said sadly. "But there would also be danger. Because of my job and Arthur's, we're in the public eye. I worry about that for Thomas too. Any child of a royal is a target for kidnapping, or worse. Perhaps that's another reason why Arthur doesn't want a child."

"You'll never know unless you ask him," said Morgana.

"I won't be doing that anytime soon," said Merlin. "Bringing that subject up last time was a fiasco."

"It might be best if you don't bring it up for awhile," said Morgana. "Instead, wait for Arthur come to you."

"I think I'll be waiting a long time," Merlin muttered, but he agreed that it was for the best.

.~.

_Four years later_

It was Arthur's thirtieth birthday. The castle staff had outdone themselves in preparing for a feast to end all feasts. Arthur sat at the head of the table, with Gwen on the right and Merlin on the left. There was plenty of entertainment, with jugglers and fire-breathers and minstrels who sang ballads of Arthur's great deeds. One song even mentioned Merlin's involvement in one of Arthur's successful quests.

Merlin noted that Arthur appeared to be enjoying himself, joking with his knights and with his wife. He seemed to be drinking a little more than usual, but Merlin figured this was an appropriate time for Arthur to indulge. Turning thirty was quite a milestone.

After the feast was over, Arthur took Merlin aside.

"What's going on?" Merlin asked, as they moved away from the raucous din of the throne room.

"There was something I wanted to talk to you about," said Arthur.

"Yes?" Merlin tried not to sound too eager. This couldn't be about what he thought it was, was it?

Arthur wouldn't say more until they reached the king's chambers and settled on the bed. Merlin and Arthur were facing each other. Merlin sat with calm acceptance, while Arthur's nerves began to overwhelm him.

"Merlin, now that I'm thirty, I wanted to bring up the possibility that…" Arthur trailed off and nervously cleared his throat. "What I mean to say is, I'm still not sure, but I'm at least open to talking about the idea that we might, you know…have children."

"Really?" Merlin hadn't dared to hope, hadn't dared to dream that this moment might occur.

"Yes. I still don't… _I don't know_, Merlin." Arthur insisted when he saw Merlin's eye grow large with possibility. "I can't say for certain if I want children. But now I'm ready to talk about the what-ifs."

"Thank you," Merlin whispered, as Arthur's arms wrapped tightly around him.

"I know how much it means to you. I was afraid to even speak of it before," said Arthur. "Some part of me wanted to, but I didn't want to give you false hope if I wasn't sure myself."

"It's alright. You just weren't ready to consider being a father," said Merlin.

"Turning thirty changes things - don't ask me why," said Arthur. "I'm still not sure, but parenthood sounds like it could be something I could handle, and maybe even enjoy."

"At least now I have the opportunity to convince you."

Merlin grinned and Arthur returned it.

As Arthur sealed the deal with a kiss, Merlin thought about how he could convince Arthur that they would both make great parents together. Then he realized that he didn't want to have to do any convincing. He wanted Arthur to come to the conclusion _on his own_ that he would make a wonderful father. But there were ways that he could nudge Arthur in the right direction.

Merlin figured if they casually spoke about all the things that Arthur was afraid of in conjunction with being a father, he had a much better chance at having his dream of having children come true. Maybe every few weeks they could tackle a fear that Arthur had. Perhaps the king could talk with Lance about his experience as a father and some of the knights who had children to get their take on it. Arthur probably needed to work through some of his issues concerning Uther. The last thing Merlin wanted to do was rush Arthur, so he was planning on being extremely patient and supportive as Arthur sorted things out. From Merlin's current perspective, their future looked incredibly bright.

For now, Merlin was happy to enjoy the moment of spending time lost in Arthur, lost in their love.

At thirty, Arthur had met him halfway, just as like Merlin hoped he would. The king had compromised, and it was one that Merlin knew that he could work with.

.~.

Two years later, Merlin and Arthur welcomed their magically-inclined baby boy into the world. Merlin was happy to find that he looked exactly like Arthur.

The End!

.~.

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I'm just having too much fun with these bonus chapters. The next one is turning quite scandalous where Arthur and Merlin are forced to have public sex by this evil sorceress who thinking Arthur being taken by his court sorcerer would be incredibly humiliating. In truth, it's just hard for them to pretend that they hadn't already done this hundreds of times!


	43. Bonus Ch 6 - The Ultimate Humiliation

Disclaimer: Merlin doesn't belong to me. Neither does Arthur. Pity.

A/N: I got this idea from another fandom and wanted to try it with Merthur. Indulge me. I tried to make a plausible explanation as to why Merlin couldn't use his magic to free them. But it's basically a PWP, so who cares?

.~.

Bonus Chapter 6: The Ultimate Humiliation

.~.

Merlin couldn't believe that they'd ended up in this situation. King and Court Sorcerer were tied together in binding magical ropes, facing each other. There was very little room between them - it would've been uncomfortable if this had happened a few years ago before they admitted their feelings for each other. Now, their closeness was comforting, if a little unsettling because they were on display for all of Camelot to see.

It was the end of the day, and Arthur had come to the magic school to walk with Merlin back to the castle. On the way back, a crazy sorceress had captured them, using a spell that had zapped Merlin of his remaining magic. She'd then made them shuffle towards the square and forced them onto the platform that was (rarely) used for executions. A crowd had gathered, curious and worried about their king and court sorcerer's safety.

"Merlin, this is unacceptable. Why can't you free us?" Arthur hissed as the sorceress cackled with glee. She seemed too pleased with herself.

"She's using powerful dark magic," said Merlin, "and I exhausted most of my energy today at the magic school. As it stands, I don't know how to stop the curse without it rebounding on us. I could take the hit, of course, but I don't want to risk you."

"I think I can handle it," said Arthur, pouting as he glared at Merlin . "I am a knight, you know. I've trained for worse."

"I'm not letting her hurt you unless it's absolutely necessary." Merlin was firm on that, and Arthur knew from past experience that he wouldn't be able to change his sorcerer's mind.

"Miss, what is your grievance against us?" Arthur asked the sorceress. It must be something important for her to go to all this trouble. Maybe he could talk his way out of this one. It was rare, but it did happen.

"Your father killed my parents in the purge," the woman spat.

"Why does this always happen to me?!" Arthur moaned to Merlin. "I'm _not_ my father." He'd had to pay for his father's mistakes too many times. It really pissed him off when he ran into someone that wanted to take revenge on Uther through him. "I allowed magic to be legal in Camelot. Really, you should be _thanking _me."

Merlin shook his head, wishing that Arthur wouldn't provoke their captor.

"Arthur Pendragon, when I'm through with you, you'll be humiliated beyond belief," the sorceress informed him.

"Are you going to challenge him to a swordfight, cheat by using magic, and make him lose to a girl?" Merlin asked the sorceress.

"_Mer_lin," Arthur warned.

"No, I've got something much worse planned," she assured them.

That was when Arthur's most trusted knights and Gwen showed up.

"Arthur, are you alright? Are you hurt?" Gwen called to her husband. She was escorted by Sir Lancelot, who was her official protector. They, like Arthur and Merlin, were secret lovers.

"I'm fine," Arthur replied, embarrassed that he was stuck in this predicament.

"His pride's hurt," Merlin helpfully added.

"Merlin, I swear…" Arthur growled.

The knights moved to rescue them but Merlin called them off. He knew that they wouldn't be able to compete with the sorceress - she could destroy them easily. The knights reluctantly backed off, and joined the crowd.

Merlin wished that Morgana was there, but she was off on her honeymoon with Sir Leon. He didn't have his apprentice to help him. Which was too bad, because once they finally got out of this, Arthur would be furious with him. Arthur was already furious with him. It was kind of hot.

"I'm glad your wife has arrived," said the sorceress. "I wanted to wait for her arrival before we proceeded."

"Don't you dare hurt her," Arthur threatened, worried for his wife and good friend.

"Don't worry, she is to be just a spectator as long as you cooperate. It's time for the show to begin," the sorceress announced.

"Are you going to entertain us with your magic tricks?" Arthur asked.

"No," she laughed. "You are."

"That's going to be a little difficult seeing as I'm tied to my Court Sorcerer."

"It's all a part of my plan. You see, I'm going to strip you of your masculinity."

"Literally?" Arthur gulped.

"No. I'm going to make you give yourself to Merlin! In front of your wife!" The sorceress giggled.

"Excuse me?" Arthur couldn't believe his ears. Had she somehow found out about his relationship with Merlin? He and Merlin shared a tense look. They wouldn't be able to be together if this had happened.

"You heard me. It's the ultimate humiliation. I know that the great King Arthur would never submit to a man." The sorceress sounded extremely sure of herself.

"Shows how much you know," Merlin muttered under his breath.

Arthur kicked him.

"What was that?" The sorceress barked.

"Nothing," said Arthur, ready to kill Merlin for his comment, even if it were completely true. There were times where Arthur enjoyed submitting to Merlin, and the sorcerer enjoyed them very much. "Merlin was just voicing his displeasure at the thought in taking part in such an act."

"Well, that's just too bad. I'd suggest you start with a kiss," said the sorcerer.

"I won't," Arthur said firmly. Thinking he'd better do it properly, he added, "I'd rather die."

/Thanks a lot/ Merlin thought, but he was amused.

/You know I don't mean that./ Arthur reassured him.

"If you refuse, then I'll hurt your precious Guinevere," the sorceress threatened. "I know you'll do anything to prevent me from harming the person you love most in this world."

"Uh, yes," said Arthur. "Because that person is Gwen."

"It's totally Gwen," Merlin agreed.

Guinevere could barely keep a straight face, but somehow she managed. If only the sorceress knew what Arthur and Merlin got up to every night in the king's bed...

"You'd better get started," the sorceress threatened. "Or I'll-"

"Okay, okay!" Arthur cut her off. "I just… Merlin's my best friend. I can't imagine_ kissing_ him."

"Gross," Merlin added, just for good measure.

"I'm warning you," said the sorceress. "This shall be the ultimate form of torture." She raised her hand towards Gwen, who looked like she was about to laugh and cry at the same time.

"Don't!" Arthur gave in. He locked eyes with Merlin. Slowly, they leaned forward and brought their lips closer until they barely grazed each other.

/Touch me. Good. Now, slowly pull away./ Merlin instructed.

Arthur did. "I can't do this," Arthur stated. "It's just so disgusting, kissing a man, kissing_ Merlin_ of all people." He and Merlin wiped their mouths with their hands. Now, they were intimately acquainted with each other's lips, having been secret lovers for years. It was really hard for them to pretend to hate it. Now that Arthur had just gotten a taste of Merlin's lips, he wanted so much to take his sorcerer back to their bedroom and have his way with him. But not like this. The sorceress was right - this was torture, just not in the way she believed it was.

"I see my plan to humiliate you is working!" The sorceress grinned as Arthur and Merlin continued to act as if kissing each other was the most vile thing they'd ever done. "Do it again, and this time you have to look like you mean it!"

Arthur and Merlin looked at each other, shuddered in fake disgust, and leaned closer. They kissed, and this time they allowed themselves to get in to it.

/Go ahead./ Merlin consented. /Make it look good./ Merlin let Arthur take the lead, thinking it would look more authentic. The king captured Merlin's lips, wishing he could curl his hand around the back of Merlin's head and just lose himself in the kiss. But that would not do in their current predicament. He let this go on for about ten seconds before (reluctantly) pulling away.

"Alright, we did as you asked," Arthur said, blushing as he realized that half of Camelot had witnessed that display of affection. Merlin, on the other hand, looked much worse. His face was tomato red. He never wanted his affection for Arthur to be a public spectacle. What they had was not to be shared - it was literally a private affair. He hated how the sorceress was sullying what was theirs. How he wished he could safely use his magic to prevent this.

"Let us go," Arthur ordered.

"I don't think so. You haven't truly submitted," said the sorceress. "Merlin, grab him through his pants."

Merlin's eyes grew wide, horrified that she'd asked that of them. He didn't want to do that to Arthur, not for someone else's amusement.

"I beg you, please don't force us to do this in front of my subjects," Arthur pleaded. "I'll do whatever you want - willingly - if you let us go back to my chambers in the castle."

"Alright," the sorceress relented, hoping that Arthur would give her a better show if they were in a less public environment. "But your wife has to come. I'm going to make her watch."

"That's cruel," said Arthur, watching as Gwen blushed. "Is that absolutely necessary?" He didn't want to do anything with Merlin in front of his wife and have to put her in an awkward position. But it looked like he didn't have much of a choice. At least he knew she had no real feelings for him. That made it a little easier.

"Yes. Let's go," the sorceress sang.

She magicked the pair back to the castle, with Guinevere dutifully following them. Arthur and Merlin relaxed a little bit when they reached the king's chambers. At least they wouldn't have to be in public while the sorceress had her 'revenge'.

"Now, Merlin, as I was saying, grab Arthur through his pants." The sorceress released their arms from the magical bindings but nothing else.

Merlin gulped. He really wanted to use his magic to free them, but the thought of Arthur on his back in pain stopped him, for that was what would happen if he tried to magically free them. So he complied. He and Arthur sat on their bed and tried to get comfortable. The sorcerer focused on his king and tried to forget that they had an audience. Merlin hesitantly rubbed Arthur's crotch with with his shaking hands, then quickly pulled away.

"There, I did it. Now, that's enough," Merlin said, hoping that the sorceress would relent. No dice.

"Did I say you could stop?" The sorceress glared at him. Merlin bit back a sigh. He reluctantly returned his hands to Arthur's crotch and palmed him through his pants. Predictably, Arthur grew visibly hard. His body was so used to responding to Merlin's touch that he couldn't suppress his desire for the one he loved.

"A_ha_!" The sorceress crowed as Arthur's face burned, not in humiliation, but at the injustice of sharing a private moment with Merlin with others. "What do you think, Queen Guinevere? Your husband is _quite _responsive to Merlin. He's cheating right in front of you."

"I think that they are being put in an extremely unfair situation," said Gwen, mortified that she had to watch her friends. "And it's not cheating if you're forcing Arthur to do this. You should be ashamed of yourself."

But the sorceress was not ashamed in the least. "Now, Merlin, take him out of his pants."

"I would rather not," Merlin protested. Much to his annoyance, he was feeling himself grow hard as well.

"Do it or I'll kill you all!" It was clear to all present that the sorceress had lost her mind.

"Fine." Merlin gave in and carefully took Arthur out of the confines of his trousers. Arthur was rock hard, but the king managed to meet Merlin's gaze, calmly accepting the situation.

That was when Gwen looked away, not wanting to watch this mockery, but the sorceress once again threatened that she'd harm her if she didn't watch. So Gwen did, and tried hard not to enjoy this intimate look into Arthur and Merlin's sexual relationship.

"Stroke him," the sorceress instructed.

/Arthur, I'm really sorry about this./ Merlin told him as he began to gently rub Arthur's length.

/Next time, will you not use up your magic?/ Arthur asked. /That was an idiotic thing to do./

/I promise./ said Merlin. /It was an accident./

/I know. i forgive you./

This felt so good to Arthur. His Merlin was touching him and he couldn't help but respond. It wasn't something that he could turn off, even though right now he wanted to.

"I see that the great Arthur Pendragon is ruled by his impulses," said the sorceress as she watched the king involuntarily buck up into Merlin's hands. "He can't even stop himself from being aroused by his male court sorcerer!" The sorcerer seemed quite happy about it all. "And look at Merlin. He's not immune to the proceedings, either. Observe them, Guinevere."

Gwen wanted to look anywhere else, but the sorceress's words made her watch. She herself was getting a little aroused. It was a beautiful sight watching Arthur and Merlin. She tried to think of Lance, but that didn't help at all. It only made her feel weirder.

"It's just a response to stimulus," Arthur said, trying to justify his reaction. "It would happen to anyone. "

"I don't believe that, and neither do you," said the sorceress, still enjoying calling the shots. "Now, keep stroking him and bite his neck. Mark him as yours," came the next order. "Then kiss him again."

Merlin didn't bother refusing this time. He continued to stroke his Arthur, and leaned up to attend to Arthur's neck. He laved kisses there, alternating them with little nips. An unconscious whimper came from Arthur, as he was loving this sweet torture. Then Merlin nipped at him hard, making the king cry out in pleasure.

"Merlin," Arthur gasped, not able to control his reaction. Merlin promised himself that he'd tease Arthur for his wanton behavior after they'd gotten out of this situation. It would be too good an opportunity to pass up. The best part would be that Arthur would want to punish him for his remark. That made Merlin tingle with anticipation.

Then the young warlock brought his lip back to Arthur's. Their tongue barely touched, making the king lightheaded. Arthur whimpered again as Merlin gently sucked on his tongue. Merlin pulled his hand and lips away, his job done.

"Well, well," said the sorceress. "It almost seems as if you've practiced this before."

Arthur and Merlin said nothing to deny or confirm this accusation.

"You can't break me," Arthur goaded her, wanting to get her mind off the possibility that he might have a thing for Merlin. "My friendship with Merlin and my relationship with Guinevere will endure, even after all these attempts to humiliate me.".

"Arthur, you shouldn't have said that," Merlin groaned. "You've only made things worse."

"Now, Merlin, I want you to suck him." The sorceress leered at them and Merlin stiffened. That was going too far. Arthur more than agreed.

"Merlin, for the love of _God_, use your magic," Arthur grated out. Merlin was about to do just that when he saw the sorceress blasted ten feet into the air. She crashed to the floor in a heap, knocked out cold. They turned around to find that their rescuer was none other than...

"Morgana!" Arthur gasped.

"Thank goodness," said Gwen, relieved. She wanted to find Lance right away so she could take care of her arousal. She had no idea that Arthur and Merlin being together would affect her like that. How embarrassing!

"We came back early," Morgana explained as a stunned Leon took in the scene. Arthur quickly put his pants back on, embarrassed to be caught by one of his knights in such a compromising position. "You're lucky that we did."

"Thank you, Morgana," said Merlin. "It was my fault, because I-"

Morgana held up her hand to stop him. "Do I _want _to know?"

"Probably not," said the warlock.

"I must ask that none of us will ever speak of this ever again," Arthur ordered, relieved to be calling the shots again. "Promise me."

All of them were happy to promise to never bring it up again.

.~.

With Morgana's help, the sorceress was apprehended, but before they could sentence her, she disappeared in a whirlwind. Merlin vowed that if she ever returned to Camelot, this time he'd be ready for her.

.~.

Lance, as it turned out, was more than happy to take care of Gwen. She didn't tell him why she had a sudden hankering for 'fun activities' but he guessed. Gwen was rather embarrassed and hoped that her lover wasn't mad, but she need not have worried. Lance was just amused by the whole thing, and happy he could reap the benefits.

.~.

That night, Merlin teased Arthur about his strong reaction to Merlin's ministrations. The king returned the favor, and this time it was Merlin screamed in pleasure. Arthur held Merlin as they came down from their high. His sorcerer was unusually quiet.

"Merlin, are you okay?" Arthur asked. "Don't I get at least a bit of praise for all that?"

"Sorry, yeah that was great," said Merlin, sounding distracted.

"_Great_? That's it?" Arthur pouted. "You can do better than that, Merlin."

"Give me a break!" Merlin pulled away and glared at Arthur. "I'm still rattled by the events of today. I should've been able to protect you better."

"We've been through this, Merlin. I forgave you," Arthur reminded him. "Let's put it behind us."

"I can't. It was a mortifying experience," said Merlin. "Didn't you think so?"

"A bit. Do you think you could erase the memories of all those people who watched us kiss?" Arthur asked.

"No, Arthur, I can't," Merlin said honestly. "There are too many people who saw us for me to-"

"Relax. I was joking," the king informed him. "I'd never ask you to do that."

"Oh."

"It wasn't _that _bad. Our citizens will have forgotten it in a few days, when the next piece of gossip has come along," Arthur predicted.

"But what if someone figures out that it wasn't the first time we've done that?" Merlin fretted.

"Is that what you're worried about?" Arthur asked.

"Yeah," said Merlin.

"I don't think anyone will," said Arthur, kissing Merlin's forehead as he tried to reassure him. "I think they'll just think we had to do all we could to make the kiss seem believable."

"I just don't want to lose you, Arthur," Merlin admitted.

"You won't," the king promised. "No one will figure it out. Remember, everyone believed us when we said that Gwen was the love of my life."

"That's true," Merlin considered. "Gwen did a great job acting like it was true."

"She did."

"I just hate that the sorceress escaped," Merlin worried. "What if she tells someone what we did, and how much you enjoyed it?"

"She's crazy, Merlin. Even if she did, no one will believe her," said Arthur.

"I hope you're right."

"I'm the king. I'm always right."

Merlin groaned - he'd walked right into that one. He eventually fell asleep in his king's arms, vowing to cherish each day that he had as Arthur's advisor, confidante, and lover.

.~.

End Bonus Chapter 6

A/N: I couldn't make the boys go any further than that, sorry. I hope it was funny and hot and adorable… that was my intention. Poor Gwen, I really put her through the wringer too. LOL! It's not like we all wouldn't enjoy her situation - let's be honest. ;)


	44. Bonus Ch 7 - Remnants Of The Past

Disclaimer: Merlin is not mine.

A/N: This is part of the same universe, only a six year jump when Gwen and Lance's child Thomas is six. Of course he thinks Arthur's his dad because that's the story everyone's been told, that Thomas is the heir to the throne, as Gwen and Arthur are king and queen. Merlin and Arthur have been together the whole time, secretly of course.

.~.

Bonus Chapter 7: Remnants of the Past

.~.

Merlin and Arthur had just sat down to dinner in the king's chamber when there was a hesitant knock at the door.

"Come in," Arthur called after Merlin nodded at him.

"Father?" Thomas hesitantly opened the door and approached them.

"Thomas!" Arthur gave his six year old son a smile that the boy didn't return. "Where's your nurse? Have you run off again?" He teased.

Then the boy's lower lip began to tremble. "What's wrong?" Arthur asked, immediately concerned about his son's emotional state. He held out his arms to Thomas. "C'mere."

Thomas's eyes filled with tears as he was swung up onto his father's lap. "Is it true that Grandfather Uther killed Mum's father?" He blurted out. "The Thomas that I was named for?"

Arthur and Merlin exchanged a look of horror. How could Thomas have found out about that? It was true, that Uther had ordered Gwen's father, Thomas, to be killed. The poor man had been executed on false suspicions of sorcery. But that had been many years ago, during Merlin's first year serving Arthur. The two men couldn't believe that Thomas was asking such a question. Arthur cleared his throat as he stalled for time, figuring out what to say.

"Where did you hear that?" Arthur asked him, trying his best to stay calm as he glanced over at Merlin. His court sorcerer had insisted he'd moved past that incident, but Arthur knew that Merlin still carried some guilt over having caused Gwen's father's arrest. He hated that this subject had been brought up, not wanting to cause Merlin to feel any more pain. Goodness knows, Merlin had endured enough hiding his magic from everyone for all those years. But the subject had surfaced, and Arthur was going to deal with it.

"I heard it from the maids," Thomas admitted. "I overheard them talking in the kitchen."

Arthur scowled, annoyed that his son had seemed to pick up what had been one of _his_ habits when he'd been a child. Gaius had told him when he was older that, as a child, Arthur was always trying to eavesdrop on the servants, eager for a bit of news - especially if it pertained to his deceased mother. "You shouldn't listen to the castle gossip."

"You didn't answer my question." Thomas was stubborn. "Is it true?"

"Merlin, what do you think?" Arthur turned to his sorcerer, seeking his counsel as always.

"Please tell me, Uncle Merlin," Thomas begged.

"I think he's old enough to know," said Merlin. "I think he can handle it, Arthur."

"Yes, but can you handle it?" Arthur had to ask.

"Yes," said Merlin, touched that Arthur was concerned about him. "I think it's good to tell him a version of the truth. Hiding secrets from others never seemed to work well for me." He gave Arthur a wry smile, signaling that he was prepared to discuss this.

"Alright," Arthur sighed. Then he turned to his son. "Yes, Thomas, it's true. Grandfather Uther killed your Grandfather Thomas."

Thomas sniffled a bit, but he'd been expecting this answer. He knew the maids were almost never wrong. "But _why_?"

"There used to be a law in Camelot that said if you were caught using magic by anyone loyal to the king, you would be executed," Arthur said grimly.

"Really?" Thomas's dark eyes grew large. "They would _kill _you? That's really mean."

"It _was_ mean," said Arthur, remembering the numbers of people that had died by his father's hand. Innocent people, who didn't have magic, as well as those who did. At a young age, he had been taught to fear magic by his father. Thankfully, Merlin had been able to change his mind concerning that issue.

"Why did Grandfather Uther think that Mum's father did magic?" Thomas enquired.

"There was a terrible sickness that spread throughout the land at that time," Merlin recalled. "There was no cure, even though our physician Gaius tried his best to find one. However, I thought I'd figured out how to make a magical poultice that would make the sick person well again. Your grandfather Thomas was about to die of the disease. Desperate to save him, I placed the poultice under Thomas's pillow. The next day, he was healed."

"What's so bad about that?" The boy wondered.

"Nothing at first," said Merlin. "But when no one else besides him recovered from their sickness, King Uther grew suspicious. He thought that your grandfather might be using magic to make himself get better. Your grandfather denied it, of course. He didn't know about the poultice - I had done that without telling him. Then Uther's men searched his house and found the poultice in the bed. They arrested him on the spot and threw him in the dungeons."

"That's horrible," Thomas said with a pout. This behavior reminded Merlin so much of Arthur, especially in his younger days. Even though he wasn't Arthur's biological child, Thomas had spent a lot of time around the king and had picked up some of his behaviors.

"It was," said Merlin, lost in the memory of that terrible day. "A few days later, Thomas was executed. I felt so guilty. I felt that by using magic, I'd condemned Thomas to death, even though I only did it to save his life."

"Why didn't you save him with your magic?" Thomas asked, accusing. "Why didn't you set him free or stop the execution? _You're_ the court sorcerer. That's your job."

Merlin tried keep up his indifferent expression, but his calm facade began to slip. "Because I-"

"It wasn't Merlin's fault," Arthur interrupted, frowning at his son. "He couldn't use magic because-"

"Arthur, I can answer for myself," Merlin cut in, sounding slightly annoyed.

"Yes, of course," said the king, properly chastised. "Sorry, Merlin."

"It's alright," said Merlin. He gave Arthur a reassuring smile, which the king sheepishly returned.

Thomas stared at them, wide-eyed. He'd never seen anyone correct his father other than his mother, and that had been on rare occasions. His Uncle Merlin must be _very_ good friends with his father to get away with that.

"I wasn't court sorcerer then. I had to keep the fact that I had magic a secret. I didn't even tell your father about it until years after that event. I couldn't use magic to save Thomas because then Uther would've known about my powers," Merlin explained. "If that had happened, I would've been arrested. I would've had to break out of the dungeons and leave Camelot, and then I wouldn't have been around to protect your father from all the mean people who wanted to hurt him."

"Oh," Thomas said quietly.

"Actually, your Uncle Merlin _did_ try to save your grandfather," Arthur recalled. "This idiot marched right into the throne room and declared to my father that _he _was the sorcerer, that Thomas was innocent, and that he deserved to die in Thomas's place."

"Why didn't the king put you in jail too, Uncle Merlin?" Thomas asked.

"I convinced him not to," said Arthur. "I told my father that Merlin was lying." Arthur remembered that he'd claimed that Merlin had been in love with Gwen, and he played it off as a joke. "I had to pick which person I wanted to save. I felt awful about what was going to happen to Thomas, but I couldn't let my father execute my best friend." Arthur and Merlin exchanged a knowing look that spoke volumes of the deep friendship and love that they had shared over the years. "You scared me so much that day, Merlin." The king glared at his court sorcerer. "I was afraid of what would happen if I couldn't convince my father that you were innocent. It could've been out of my control. Luckily, Father decided to listen to me that day."

"Thank you for saving me," Merlin said quietly. "I don't think I've ever said that to you, at least about that day."

"You're welcome," Arthur replied. "I didn't want to live in a world without you in it."

"But Grandfather Uther was right. Uncle Merlin _did_ use magic," Thomas pointed out, bringing Arthur and Merlin's attention back to the himself. He watched as his father and Uncle Merlin stared at each other again. They did that a lot. They stared at each other more than his father and mother stared at each other. Thomas felt that this was significant somehow, but he didn't know why.

"Yes, but I didn't know that at the time," said Arthur. "Merlin hadn't told me he had magic yet. Which he should have. He should've trusted me."

"I was scared," Merlin admitted. "I didn't want to lose your friendship."

"I know," Arthur said simply.

"If you had known about his magic, Father, would you still have helped him?" Thomas asked.

"Yes," Arthur instantly answered. Merlin beamed at this. "I would have been surprised, but I would have done_ anything _to protect Merlin, even if I found out that he had magic and that he broke the law. I hope that someday, Thomas, you'll find a friend that you'd do anything for, and that they'd do the same for you."

"I have lots of friends," Thomas informed them. "Some of them have magic. Some of them don't. They're all really fun to play with."

Arthur hugged his son, happy that he and Gwen had managed to raise Thomas without any of the old prejudices that had been so prevalent during Arthur's childhood. "Do you understand what happened now?"

"Sort of. Why did Grandfather Uther want to kill people who had magic?"

"I'll tell you when you're older," said Arthur. He didn't want to get into the details concerning his mother's death and the Purge. He believed that was too frightening for a six year old to know about. Although, if the boy continued to eavesdrop, he'd probably hear about it sooner than Arthur would like.

"But Father-" Thomas whined.

"Thomas, that's enough for now," Arthur said firmly. "You're lucky that I told you anything at all."

"Ok," said Thomas, resigned. Then he asked a question that cut Arthur to his core. "Do you think if Grandfather Uther knew me, he would have wanted to kill me because I have magic?"

Arthur swallowed hard. Thomas sounded so innocent! The king tried to speak but he couldn't get the words out. He contemplated that situation. If Uther had lived longer and had remained in power, how would he and Gwen have been able to conceal Thomas's powers without him being discovered? Then he remembered that he wouldn't have married Gwen at all unless Uther had died and he needed an heir. But still… thinking about what Uther would've done if he'd known about Thomas's powers - it was too terrible to contemplate.

Merlin took over when he saw Arthur's 'panic face' surface. "I think he would have made an exception for you, Thomas. I know he would've loved you very much if he'd gotten to meet you."

"Maybe if he had met me, he would've seen that not all people with magic were bad," the boy pointed out.

"Well, the important thing is that your father is king now, and he is completely supportive of anyone who wants to learn how to use magic for good," said Merlin. "You get to grow up in a Camelot who accepts all kinds of people, Thomas. Arthur changed the law against magic almost as soon as he became the king, hoping to provide a safe environment for everyone so that children like you wouldn't have to grow up in fear of being discovered."

"Thank you, Father!" Thomas grinned at Arthur.

"You're welcome. It was the right thing to do. But I didn't do it by myself," Arthur insisted. "Merlin, your mum, and Sir Lancelot helped."

"Sir Lancelot is really nice to me," Thomas informed them. "He doesn't have any children of his own so I'm glad he gets to play with me while he's protecting Mum. I like him a lot."

"Sir Lancelot is a very nice person," Arthur said diplomatically as he once again exchanged a look with Merlin. "He's a great friend and knight. I trust him with my life, and with your mother's. I'm glad that you like him." Arthur was pleased that they'd come up with a reason to give Lance time to spend with his biological son without the citizens of Camelot getting suspicious, and that they were getting on so well.

Thomas looked at his father, then Merlin, then back to his father. Sometimes, Thomas thought that his father and Uncle Merlin had a secret language. They were always looking at each other like they knew what each other was thinking. Thomas wished that when he got older he could find a friend that he could do that with.

That was when Thomas's nurse burst into the room, frantically calling for the boy. She was horrified to find him with the king, who had given the staff strict instructions that he didn't want his dinner time with Merlin to be interrupted. The nurse apologized profusely, worried that Arthur would be annoyed. Luckily for her, Arthur laughed it off, and told her what they'd just discussed.

"Time to go with Nurse now, Thomas," said Arthur. "I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"

"Goodnight, Father! Goodnight, Uncle Merlin!" Thomas called as his nurse whisked him away.

"I think you handled that rather well," said Arthur, coming up to stand behind Merlin. He wrapped his arms around his sorcerer's waist and held him close.

"It went as well as could be expected." Their dinner forgotten, Merlin maneuvered them over to the bed, where Arthur could hold him properly. "I don't like to think about what happened to Gwen's father, but it is was it is. It was a different time, Arthur. We explained it to Thomas as best as we could. The rest we'll tell him as he gets older."

"I try to forget that such a time existed, and then something happens that reminds me of it," said Arthur. "Growing up, I remember being intimidated by my father, and that was on a good day. I can't imagine what it must have felt like for people who had magic, who were living in fear that their secret would one day be discovered. That my father would make them pay the ultimate price. If I think about that time, how it must have been for you-" Arthur buried his nose in Merlin's shirt, shaking as the sobs shook his body. "That I might have lost you before I even knew what we meant to each other."

"Arthur, shhh, it's alright," Merlin soothed, re-positioning them so that he could hold his king. That Arthur let him without putting up a fight was extremely telling as to the king's emotional state. Merlin tried not to worry, concentrating on reassuring his partner in all things. "You fixed it. You repealed the law, and set in motion the events that have led to the peace we have today. My kind are celebrated now - for the most part. It's true that we're still rebuilding, still trying to heal the wounds of Uther's reign, but we're making considerable progress. The older knights are coming around, thanks to Galahad and the others who have joined up that have magic. I couldn't ask for a better world in which to live. I'm free to be who I am, and free to encourage others to embrace their powers - their gifts. _ You _did that, Arthur. Never forget it."

Arthur seemed not to hear him, lost in his dark thoughts. "I should've done something about it when I was prince." Arthur shook in Merlin's arms. "I knew, deep down, whenever my father executed an innocent person who had magic, it was wrong. But I did nothing to stop him. You know, he listened to me, sometimes. I should've tried to change his mind."

"Arthur, you can't think like that." Merlin tried to reason with him. "Don't torture yourself over something that can't be changed. More than likely, he wouldn't have listened to you."

"I should've _tried_, Merlin," Arthur insisted. "I should've tried. I should've tried to save some of those people. Instead, I had my head up my own ass about winning tournaments, impressing the ladies, and trying to please my father. I was too immature to notice what was really happening in my kingdom. All those needless deaths." Arthur shook his head. "They're on my conscience, now. How can you love me when I-"

"Arthur, stop. Just stop," Merlin said sternly. "Look at me, love." Merlin gently turned Arthur's face toward him so they could look at each other. "If anyone should be feeling guilty, it should be _me_. I used my magic to meddle in people's lives when I shouldn't have - sometimes with terrible consequences. But those consequences were mine, and mine alone. You were not responsible for your father's reign of terror."

"But-"

"It wasn't your fault, Arthur!" Merlin scowled at him, exasperated. He absolutely_ hated_ it when Arthur would indulge in this defeated sort of thinking. It was difficult to reach his king during such a time. Arthur _knew _Merlin despised it when he couldn't quickly snap Arthur out of his dark moods.

Arthur must have sensed Merlin's thoughts, because he decided that it was time that he let this go. "Listen to us, arguing over who should take the blame for something my father did." Arthur tried to lighten the tense mood that he'd created. "Perhaps we should let the past stay in the past."

"I couldn't have said it better myself," said Merlin, relieved that Arthur seemed to be coming out of it. "Instead, let's focus on our future together. I'd say that right now it looks bright, especially with Thomas in it."

"Or we could focus on the present," Arthur suggested, bringing his lips down to touch Merlin's.

"Or we could do that." Merlin smiled at his king as they prepared to reaffirm their love for one another. "I always knew you'd grow into the man that I believed you could be. You were worth waiting for."

"I was, wasn't I?" Arthur considered, trying to act as if he hadn't just gone to pieces.

Merlin let him keep his dignity, and never brought up the subject again.

.~.

End Bonus Chapter

A/N: Is anyone still reading these? I'm still having fun with them. In between writing my original story, I like to revisit Merlin and Arthur's world.


	45. Bonus Chapter 8 - Merlin's Secret Memory

Bonus Chapter 8 - Merlin's Secret Memory

A/N: These bonus chapters aren't in any particular order. The last one was six years later after the end of _Merlin's Struggles_, this one is one year later. Just go with it. Thanks!

I like to give credit where credit is due. I have shamelessly borrowed this idea from an episode of Star Trek: The Original Series. I thought it was a beautiful heart-wrenching concept, so I had to use it for Merthur. Enjoy!

.~.

It was the one year anniversary of the day that Arthur and Merlin had confessed their love for each other in the forest outside of Camelot. That day, they went back to that very place in the forest under the guise of a 'hunting trip'. Arthur had surprised Merlin with their destination, as the warlock hadn't any idea where they were going. When Merlin realized the meaning behind their location, he pulled Arthur in for a long kiss. Arthur carried a smug look on his face for the rest of the day, but Merlin didn't seem to mind. He appreciated Arthur's thoughtfulness. To be honest, he'd thought that Arthur wouldn't remember why this day was so significant. It was nice when Arthur proved him wrong.

The king and his court sorcerer unpacked all of their supplies, including their bedrolls which they laid out side by side. As soon as they finished setting up camp, Arthur and Merlin fell into each other's arms, not able to resist the invisible pull between them. It was rare that they had a full day together, and they meant to make it count.

After they christened 'their spot', Merlin instinctively went to the supplies to set out their dinner. Arthur stopped him, stating that he wanted to do it. It was a simple act, something that took no more than a few minutes to arrange the food on their plates and pour wine in their silver goblets. But it warmed Merlin to the core that Arthur would want to serve him. It reminded him of how much their relationship had changed over the past year.

Merlin's servant duties were all but gone, save for drawing Arthur's baths and waking him in the mornings. As Court Sorcerer with jurisdiction over all Camelot's magical subjects, he was practically as powerful as Arthur. Before Merlin had revealed his secrets, Arthur would hardly ever consider Merlin's opinions. Now, he was Arthur's most trusted advisor. With Queen Guinevere secretly promised to Lancelot, Merlin was Arthur's consort in all but name. For Merlin, who had never wanted any kind of power, it was very humbling. He made sure that he wasn't abusing that power, that he only used his magic to help others and not for personal gain. It was wonderful not having to hide his magic. He wished he didn't have to hide his true feelings for Arthur, but that couldn't be helped.

They ate slowly, enjoying their meal and each other's company as they discussed matters of state. That night, they made love under the stars before succumbing to sleep, with Arthur's arm possessively slung over Merlin's lithe form. The king slept peacefully, but Merlin did not. His sleep was disturbed by a nightmare, a glimmer into a past memory that he'd shared with Arthur. Fully immersed in the frightful dream world, he cried out.

"Arthur, don't!" Merlin panted, his words jolting the king from his heavy slumber. "Please, don't make me do this!"

"Merlin!" Arthur firmly shook his warlock awake. "Merlin. Wake up!"

Merlin's eyes flew open and connected with Arthur's. A look of terror was fixed upon the warlock's face. Immediately, Arthur tried to comfort him.

"Merlin, shh," Arthur soothed, running his fingers up and down Merlin's back as he rested his head against his warlock's. "You're alright. You're here with me. It was just a bad dream."

"It wasn't just a dream. It was real!" Merlin insisted.

"Yes, dreams can seem real, but-"

Merlin cut him off. "_No_. This was real. What I was dreaming, it was a memory - of us. I'd been meaning to tell you about it, but I haven't had the courage to."

Arthur frowned. "More secrets, Merlin?"

"Well, yes but this one you asked me to never bring up. I should've told you, I know - I just couldn't." Merlin looked dejected.

"Why? Why couldn't you tell me?" Arthur asked, feeling let down. Merlin had promised that there would be no more secrets between them, and now he pulled this.

"Because of the way I used my magic against you."

"Alright, Merlin," Arthur sighed, not understanding this at all. "Start from the beginning."

Merlin's lower lip trembled. "There was one time we were in the forest, before we confessed our love and before you learned of my magic."

"And?" Arthur pressed.

"We were walking down the path and suddenly we fell into a huge hole in the ground." Merlin sounded calmer now. "We were stuck there for a night until your knights found us the next morning."

"I don't think so," said Arthur. "I think I'd remember being stuck in close quarters with you," he teased.

"The reason you don't remember is because I wiped the event from your memory," Merlin blurted out. There. He'd said it. Now the ball was in Arthur's court.

"_What_?" Arthur sat up and edged away from Merlin. "You tampered with my memory? That's the one thing you promised you'd never do!"

"I know! But I only did it because you asked me to," Merlin sniffed, tears prickling at the side of his eyes.

"Tell me what happened," Arthur demanded. "I want to know every little detail."

Merlin squirmed. "But…"

"Now." Merlin knew better than to argue when his beloved used his "King Arthur" voice. Merlin supposed it could be worse. Arthur wasn't assuring Merlin that everything would be alright between them, but he wasn't running away either. Merlin decided it was best that he told Arthur everything about that fateful day. At least, it would be good to finally have it off his chest. If Arthur couldn't accept what happened, well… Merlin didn't want to think about that.

Merlin began to recount the tale. "It all started when we fell into a large animal trap…"

.~.

_Thirteen months earlier_

"Ow!" Arthur cried as he hit the bottom of the hole. His idiot manservant had led them directly into a trap. He winced, his arm smarting from colliding with the ground.

"Ohhhh," Merlin groaned, clutching his chest. He'd just had the wind knocked out of him. "What happened?"

"_Someone_ led us directly into a hole. A hole, Merlin," Arthur yelled. "We're stuck here in a bloody hole in the ground. This is all your fault."

"How is this my fault?" Merlin cried, gesturing wildly with his hands. He took care not to hit the prince, who was mere feet from him. They were in rather close proximity, which was fine with him. He felt Arthur's breath on his cheeks and inhaled Arthur's unique scent. He tried hard not to become aroused. He didn't quite succeed.

"You're supposed to be looking for these kinds of things," Arthur berated him. "But apparently your pea-sized brain was focused somewhere else. Now look what you've done!"

"Oh, no, you can't pin this on me," Merlin argued. "You're the best animal tracker in the land. Why weren't _you _keeping watch for traps?"

"That's - that's not the point," Arthur sputtered. "I'm supposed to be due back for a council meeting in two hours. You know what it will look like when I'm not there?"

"That you lost track of time?" Merlin guessed.

"It will look like I'm shirking my responsibilities!" Arthur glowered at his manservant. "I'll lose the respect of the council and my father…" Arthur groaned. "Who knows _what_ the hell my father will say."

"Arthur, I'm sure it can be overlooked this one time," Merlin tried.

"No, it can't. You don't know what it's like for me, feeling the pressure to succeed all the time!" Arthur thundered. "There's nothing worse than feeling like I've disappointed my father."

"It's not like you fell in this hole on purpose," said Merlin. "It was just a mistake. I'll explain it all to your father and then you can-"

"Future kings aren't allowed to make mistakes," said Arthur. "I can't be anything less than perfect."

"You're being too hard on yourself," said Merlin.

"That was a direct word-for-word quote from my father," Arthur informed him, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Oh," Merlin said quietly. "I think that's bollocks."

"Good for you," Arthur said sarcastically.

They stood there in silence, with Arthur fuming and Merlin apologetic. How he wished he could use his magic to get them out of this, but Arthur couldn't know about that. Just when Merlin was going to talk about the weather, just to kill the silence, Arthur beat him to it.

"Some days I wish I could be you, Merlin," Arthur confessed.

"What!?" Merlin gaped at him. "And have to run around and do chores all day long? Did you hit your head when you fell?"

"No. Living as a servant sounds easier than bearing the burden of knowing you have to be the next king," said Arthur. "You have no worries to speak of, other than will you get all of your chores done on time to escape my wrath."

"Excuse me," Merlin bristled. "I have a great many worries, thank you very much." The worst worry was, of course, that someone would discover Merlin's magic. Then he would be of no use to Arthur. He couldn't fail in his destiny to protect Arthur. He just _couldn't_. He cared deeply for Arthur. He'd do anything to make sure the prince lived to fulfill his destiny to unite the five kingdoms, even sacrifice himself. Of course, he had to complicate things further by falling in love with the prat. But Arthur could never know how he felt. Merlin would never be more than Arthur's friend, if that. Merlin was still trying to convince himself that would be enough.

"Tell me your darkest secret," Arthur encouraged. "Come on. I told you one of mine."

"I can't," Merlin whispered.

"Sure you can," said Arthur, placing a hand on Merlin's shoulder. "I swear I won't tell a soul."

"Arthur, I would tell you if I could," Merlin insisted, shrugging Arthur's hand away. "I just can't."

The prince didn't take that well. "I see how it is. You don't trust me." Arthur's expression was stony.

"That's not it at all!" Merlin exclaimed.

"Then why won't you tell me?" Arthur pressed.

A look of misery shone on Merlin's face.

"Maybe I could guess," said Arthur. "I know. You're afraid to tell someone how you feel about them."

"Perhaps."

"Is it Gwen? I'll bet it's Gwen. You're always chatting with her."

"I'm not interested in Gwen," Merlin said firmly.

"_Don't _tell me it's Morgana," Arthur looked mildly disgusted.

Merlin made a face. "It's not her."

"Hmm. Perhaps one of the kitchen maids?"

"Arthur, how thick can you be? I'm not into women," Merlin grated out. Then, he realized what he said and clamped his hands over his mouth. "I shouldn't have said that," Merlin said, mortified. "Can you just please forget that I said that?"

Arthur stared at him like he was seeing him for the first time. "You like _men_?"

"Yes. No. Maybe? Wait, Arthur-"

"That's nothing to be ashamed of," said the prince.

"Yes, I know it's wrong, and I'm sorry I ever said-" Merlin paused mid sentence. "You're not mad?"

"No," Arthur said, unruffled.

Merlin closely scrutinized the prince, looking for any signs of disgust. If anything, Arthur seemed relieved by Merlin's admission.

"You don't look very surprised," Merlin observed. "How is this information not shocking to you?"

Arthur shook his head. "You're so naive, Merlin. If you knew what my knights got up to…"

"Your _knights_?" Merlin squeaked. Somehow, he'd thought the knights of Camelot were above that sort of thing. Didn't they have a code of chivalry to follow? Apparently not.

"Don't be such a girl, Merlin." Arthur shook his head. "My men have urges. When we go off on long trips, women are few and far between. It just happens."

"Oh," Merlin said dumbly. Then he had a very disconcerting thought. "Do_ you_ partake in…"

"That's none of your business," Arthur said sharply.

"I'm sorry," Merlin said quickly, fixating on the fact that Arthur didn't immediately deny it. "I didn't think…"

"You never think before you speak, Merlin." Arthur sounded weary.

"But you do like men?" Merlin thought asking the question was worth a possible punishment in the stocks.

"I have been known to explore that option," Arthur said carefully. Then the prince's stomach growled. "You didn't happen to have any food on you?"

"No," Merlin said, regretful. "The food is in the packs, which are tied to the horses."

This led to another uncomfortable silence. Merlin was still reeling from Arthur's confession that he liked men. He was once again reminded of how near the prince was. When they were talking, Merlin could distract himself from their situation, but when they weren't he couldn't help but dwell on it. His heart was racing and he hoped that Arthur couldn't hear it. It was sweet torture being this close to Arthur and not being able to do what he wished. How he wanted to press his lips against Arthur's, to see if they fit together like they did during his midnight imaginings.

"I can't believe I'm stuck here with _you _of all people," Arthur griped, interrupting Merlin's inappropriate thoughts.

"Thanks a lot! I'm sorry I'm not one of your knights," Merlin retorted. "Which one do you prefer? Gwaine? Percival? Elyan?"

"If you must know, I don't prefer any of them," Arthur snapped.

"So you've never…"

"Not for awhile," Arthur growled. "There's someone who's gotten under my skin, and I can't stop thinking about them no matter how much I try."

"Oh," said Merlin, dejected. "Then that person is very lucky."

"Why do you say that?" Arthur said sharply.

"Anyone would be lucky to have your affection," Merlin said honestly. "I know you, Arthur. You would pursue them relentlessly, not stopping until you get what you want. I'm- I'm happy for you." That last part had been hard to say, but Merlin supposed it was somewhat true.

"I haven't told them," Arthur mumbled.

"Why not? Since when are you shy about such things?" Merlin asked.

"I didn't know if he liked men until ten minutes ago." Arthur's eyes caught Merlin's, who gasped as he realized what Arthur had said.

"No," he said quickly. "You can't mean, _me_. I'm nobody. I'm just your servant."

"It's always been you, you fucking _idiot_," Arthur growled before attacking Merlin's lips.

Merlin lost himself in the kiss, letting Arthur take the lead. He whimpered, amazed by how wonderful it felt to have Arthur's tongue sliding against his own. They lost themselves in each other, caught up in the raw need that had festered between them ever since they first met. Merlin tugged at Arthur's shirt, before the prince abruptly pulled away.

"Merlin," Arthur said brokenly.

"What's wrong?" Merlin asked, stroking the back of Arthur's head.

"I have to come to my senses," Arthur berated himself. "I want you, but this can never be."

Merlin's blood ran cold. "Why not?"

"My father."

Merlin wondered what was wrong with Arthur, and gave a small sigh of relief. "Oh, is that all? We won't tell him. Obviously."

"No, Merlin, you don't _understand_." Arthur sounded frustrated. "If my father ever found out about us, he'd have you killed!"

"I seriously doubt that," Merlin tried. "That's a bit extreme, even for him."

"You didn't know about what happened to Morgana." Arthur grimaced, remembering the whole grisly story.

"I'm not sure that I follow you, Arthur." Merlin was confused. What did Morgana had to do with them?

"It happened a few months before you came to Camelot. Before Gwen had been Morgana's maid, she'd had someone else. A girl by the name of Morgause. They were secret lovers. My father accidentally walked in on them in a compromising position." Arthur was trembling now. "That very evening he had Morgause burned and made Morgana watch. Morgana screamed for him to stop, but even her impassioned pleas couldn't move his hardened heart."

"Uther… he-he really did that?" Merlin stammered, his stomach plummeting as he realized the implications of Arthur's words. "Just because he found them together? How could anyone be that _cruel_?"

Arthur shook his head. "My father believes that romantic love can only be found between a man and a woman. Anything else is an abomination. Many people throughout the kingdom feel the same way."

"They're sadly mistaken," said Merlin. "What we feel for each other, it could never be wrong."

"There's more," Arthur continued. "After Morgause was killed, my father called me to his chambers. He warned me that if I ever became involved with someone of the opposite sex, he'd find out and he would kill them. I promised him I'd never touch a man. And I haven't since. Until now."

"Arthur," Merlin tried. "You can't let that stop us."

"I won't risk your life for this!" said the prince.

"Some things are worth the risk," Merlin insisted.

"I _won't_ have you killed in front of me." Arthur fell apart in Merlin's arms. "Don't ask me to risk that."

"Alright, calm down," Merlin soothed. "We'll figure this out."

"I'll have to send you away," Arthur realized.

"No!" Merlin cried, blanching at the idea of being separated from the man that he loved. "Arthur, I won't leave you! Please don't ask that of me. We can just go back to being friends. I'll be your idiot manservant again."

"It won't work, Merlin. I know myself. I won't be able to keep my hands off you," Arthur said sadly.

"We could keep it a secret," Merlin tried. "We could have a rendezvous place. We could meet there once a month, perhaps. That wouldn't be nearly enough but…"

"I'm sorry, Merlin. I can't risk us getting caught."

"Arthur, please," Merlin swallowed back tears. "Don't give up on this, on us."

"I don't know what else to do. I wish I could forget," said Arthur, the pain in his voice tearing Merlin's heart to shreds. "It would be so much easier if I could just forget this ever happened."

"You don't mean that."

"I do mean that. Then you wouldn't have to leave me."

Merlin held him until the morning came. Arthur couldn't help himself, and once again claimed Merlin's mouth for his own. Merlin cherished every moment, believing this to be their last kiss. They only drew apart when they heard familiar voices calling for them.

"We're down here!" Merlin yelled, as Arthur clung to him for dear life. "Arthur, you have to let me go. They'll be here any second," Merlin reminded him.

Arthur pulled away, as if scalded by Merlin's touch. "I'm sacking you as soon as we return to Camelot. You're to return to Ealdor."

"If that is your wish, Sire," Merlin said quietly.

"It is." Up went Arthur's walls.

"I'll always love you, Arthur," Merlin confessed, kissing his prince's brow.

Arthur pulled back and didn't say anything in return. It was just as well, because in that moment, Gwaine and Leon found them. The two knights threw down a rope down to haul them up.

"Give us a minute," Merlin called, his decision made. He wasn't leaving Arthur. There was no other way out of this. He touched Arthur's temple with his left hand. His eyes flashed gold once before he felt the siren call of Arthur's mind. He whispered,

"Forget."

.~.

"That's it," Merlin concluded his story. "That's the memory. I'm sorry I kept it from you all this time."

Arthur said nothing, just stared at Merlin as if he was still absorbing the story, and maybe he was. Merlin let Arthur digest everything he had just said, hoping that it made sense.

Five minutes had crawled by and Arthur hadn't said a word. Merlin didn't know how to fix it. Now he wished that it'd never happened at all. Why had he thought telling Arthur about this had been a good idea?

"Merlin?" Arthur sounded forlorn.

"Yes?"

"Has there been any other times that you've erased my memory?" Arthur sounded hesitant to ask. "I don't think you're capable of that, but I want to hear it directly from you.

"No," Merlin promised. "I didn't want to do it, Arthur! You _have _to believe me."

"You did what you thought was right," Arthur said slowly.

"I never should have touched your mind, I know that," Merlin insisted, shaking as he tried to convince Arthur the truth. "I just couldn't bear to be separated from you. How was I supposed to protect you from harm if you'd sent me away?"

Arthur narrowed his eyes at him. "Do you swear to me that you'll never remove a memory from my mind ever again?"

"I'll never do it again," Merlin vowed. "There would be no need to, as you know about my magic and my feelings for you."

"Alright," Arthur said, a small smile growing on his lips. "I believe you. Come here."

Merlin gratefully crawled back into his king's arms and sobbed his heart out. "Do you forgive me?" Merlin asked, his voice muffled by Arthur's shirt.

"Of course!" Arthur insisted.

"Really?" Merlin sniffed. "Oh. I thought-"

"No, Merlin, I'm not leaving you." Arthur rolled his eyes. This always seemed to happen whenever Merlin shared a secret or confessed something that he'd done. When was his warlock going to get it through his thick skull that Arthur was never walking away? "I was upset, and reasonably so, but I would _never_-"

"Good." Merlin relaxed into Arthur's embrace, relieved that his story hadn't torn them apart. "Ow, my head hurts."

"Merlin, you worked yourself into a right state," said Arthur, shaking his head. "And all for nothing." He gently rubbed Merlin's temples, knowing from past experience that this was where it hurt most.

"I thought I'd permanently cocked things up between us by telling you," Merlin admitted, sighing as he let Arthur massage his worries away. "I thought you'd be furious at me for what I'd done."

"I'm furious that you didn't tell me about this sooner." Arthur glared at him. "Do you trust me so little?"

"You know that's not it! I was so ashamed, Arthur. I thought what I did was unforgivable. I made you forget about your love for me."

"You did it for the right reasons." Arthur kissed his forehead. "Thank goodness I fell in love with you again."

"Thank goodness," Merlin echoed. He shuddered, not wanting to think about what life would've been like without Arthur's love.

"I'm so lucky to have your devotion," Arthur murmured. "I know this must've been a tough decision for you to make. Magically removing a memory is not something you'd normally do. I never would've asked it of you if I'd known you had magic."

"I wasn't about to tell you about my magic then," said Merlin. "That would've just been another reason for you to send me away, to keep your father from finding out about it."

"My father's hatred almost forced us apart," Arthur fumed. "I'll never forgive him for that, Merlin. _Never_."

"You must," Merlin insisted. "You cannot let that hate poison your heart. It will only lead to misery and fear. You're much too good to allow that to fester within you."

"Only because you showed me the good in myself, and in this world," said Arthur. Then he realized what he'd said. He'd never said anything sappier in his life. Well, not counting his declaration of love to Merlin a year ago. "Do _not _repeat what I just said to anyone."

Merlin cracked a cheeky smile. His usual playful self had returned, much to Arthur's relief. "I wouldn't dream of it, sire."

"Not sire. Arthur," the king corrected.

"Arthur. My Arthur." Merlin caressed Arthur's cheek, and the king instinctively leaned into his touch. "I know it's been a year, but some days I can't believe you're mine. I've been alone for most of my adult life, sometimes it takes me a second to remember that we're together. But when I do, it brings me great happiness."

"I'm yours until the end of time," Arthur promised. "That is _never_ going to change. Do you believe me, Merlin?"

"Not completely, but I'm working on it," Merlin admitted. "I know I make things difficult for you, never knowing how much of myself to share, how well you will take it."

"I've done well so far with everything you've thrown at me," said Arthur. "Give me a little credit. If I can handle the times when you were under the influence of dark magic, I can certainly handle this."

"I know that," Merlin said softly. "I just don't want to lose you."

"You need to have more faith in me," Arthur reminded him. "Every time I learn something new about you, something that could be off-putting, I still stick around."

"I know, and I thank you for that. I just, sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better if you had someone who was more, well, normal."

"Sounds boring," said Arthur. "I'd rather have you. Dark magic and all."

"Thanks," Merlin said quietly.

"I've done all I can to convince you that you're worth it," said Arthur. "Now you have to convince yourself."

"That's the hard part," Merlin admitted. "I know I'm going to mess up things between us, I just know it."

"Yes you will," said Arthur. "But so will I. We'll both make some spectacular mistakes in our day. We will work out these issues as they come. But for tonight, for the love of God, try not to worry?"

"I'll do my best," Merlin promised, grinning at Arthur. Perhaps it was time for him to completely trust in Arthur, and not hold back.

The End

A/N: I don't know what happened. It got really sappy there at the end!


	46. Bonus Chapter 9 - Adventures In Bed

Disclaimer: Merlin is not mine. How unfortunate!

.~.

Bonus Chapter 9: Adventures in Bed

Merlin and Arthur were lounging on Arthur's king-sized bed. It was Sunday morning, and they were having a lie-in. Arthur had no morning duties that day, so he could afford to be lazy. The king and his court sorcerer took advantage of this free time. They lay entangled in each other's arms as they stretched out their libs, covering almost the entire bed.

"Merlin, I'm so lucky to have you," Arthur murmured into Merlin's ear. "I was lost until I met you. I was drifting through life, not caring about anyone other than myself. You turned my life around, you gave me something to hope for, something to strive for. I wanted to be the man that you deserve."

"You are," Merlin promised. It was rare that Arthur would bare his feelings like this, so Merlin decided not to tease him about it. This time.

"Thanks," Arthur said quietly. "Even though my quality of life increased tremendously after I met you, I was never truly happy until we confessed our love for each other."

"I'm so glad I can make you happy," Merlin mused, yawning hugely. He still wasn't completely awake. "Especially sexually. When we first started out, I was really worried about that bit. I'd never had any practice before you."

Arthur chuckled, remembering how Merlin used to blush when they came together. "You were a natural. You learned very quickly what I liked. I hope that I learned quickly for you too."

"You did," Merlin assured him.

"I wonder how many blow jobs we've given each other?" Arthur wondered. Penetrative sex with Merlin was fucking fantastic, but there was just something special about being sucked off. The intimacy factor was there, as you really had to place a lot of trust in your partner before you felt comfortable enough to do such a thing.

"A lot," was Merlin's precise response.

"You've definitely brought me off more," said Arthur. "For a few months, you would do it to me, but you were too scared to let me do it to you."

"That was stupid," said Merlin, remembering that his fears had been unfounded. "I missed out."

"It was stupid," Arthur agreed. "You were with me - you had nothing to fear. I wouldn't have done anything you weren't ready for."

"It was uncomfortable and awkward at first, but I came to really like receiving as well as giving," said Merlin. "I think it helped for me that we had years of friendship and trust built up between us before we did anything sexual."

"Mmm," Arthur agreed. "Remember the first time you gave me one?"

"The very first time it almost didn't work because it was really cold in your rooms," Merlin recalled. "I didn't know what I was doing wrong, because you didn't tell me you were cold."

Arthur mock-glared at his sorcerer. "I thought you were as cold as I was!"

"I was focusing on what I was doing," Merlin reminded him. "It was my first time doing that."

"Luckily we could quickly remedy the situation," said Arthur. "You lit the fire with your magic, and as soon as I warmed up, everything worked."

He tightened his arms around Merlin, loving the warmth and security that came with sharing a bed with Merlin.

"Hey, remember that one time I got really thirsty?" Merlin asked.

"I don't remember the specifics - it was awhile ago. But I remember you couldn't stop laughing," said Arthur. "It was pretty amusing."

"Here, I'll show you." Merlin allowed them to view the memory with their minds linked together. Their vision finally cleared to see a picture of the beginning of the memory.

Arthur and Merlin were making good use of the bath that Merlin had drawn for them. Merlin had knelt before his king, his knees resting on a submerged pillow as he prepared to go down on Arthur. The king braced himself, ready for the sudden onslaught of Merlin's lips. Last time they'd done this, Arthur had come so hard he'd blacked out. This time he inwardly vowed that he'd stay awake. Merlin already had enough to tease him about already - Arthur didn't need to add to the list.

"Well, get on with it," Arthur encouraged. He'd just finished kissing Merlin within an inch of his life. Arthur knew that Merlin wanted this tonight.

Merlin blushed a tad. "Alright, you prat." He leaned down and captured Arthur's cock in his mouth.

Arthur moaned his appreciation, encouraging Merlin to continue to keep doing THAT.

"Right there," Arthur praised. "Mmmm, _Mer_lin." They settled into a comfortable rhythm for a few minutes. Merlin realized how thirsty he was so he reluctantly pulled away.

"What's wrong?" Arthur asked, alarmed.

"Sorry, I just really needed a drink," Merlin informed him.

Arthur watched, incredulous as Merlin magicked a wine goblet over to him. Merlin greedily drank his fill, all the while keeping his left hand on Arthur's penis and lightly stroking it.

Merlin finished the wine. "That's better," he sighed. "Where was I?" Then he saw Arthur's glare. "What have I done now?" Merlin wondered.

Arthur gave him his patented 'you idiot' stare. "You kept your hand on me while you were drinking."

Merlin shrugged. "So?"

"So!" Arthur looked incredulous. "Merlin, why would you do that? It makes no sense."

"I don't know!" Merlin blushed. "I wanted to keep pleasuring you while I drank. I was really thirsty so…" Merlin burst into laughter, not a few quiet giggles, but a full out belly laugh. "It's not very funny but somehow, it really is! I needed a drink before I could get down to business! That's hilarious!"

Arthur always loved Merlin's laugh, as he could hear Merlin's innocent delight as well as see the joy on his sorcerer's face. So of course, Arthur was going to do whatever he could to keep Merlin laughing.

"I'm _Mer_lin, and I can't bring my king off because I'm too busy drinking," Arthur mocked him.

This time Merlin actually giggled.

"Merlin, if you really wanted something to drink, you could've just kept sucking me off," said Arthur. This really wasn't that funny, but for some reason it sent Merlin into hysterics. They glanced at each other, and the laughing soon infected Arthur as well. It took them a few minutes to get the laughs out of their systems.

After they finally calmed down, Merlin did a spectacular job of blowing Arthur.

But after Arthur recovered, he told Merlin something interesting. "I can't feel my face," the king admitted.

"Very funny," said the court sorcerer.

"Merlin, I'm serious!" Arthur exclaimed. "Really! I can't feel my face when I'm with you. What did _you _do to me?"

"With_ my_ magic, who knows?" Merlin gave him an honest answer.

Arthur had to wait twenty minutes before the numbness left his cheeks. But it had totally been worth it.

Merlin and Arthur came out of the memory, both rather aroused. They were ready to make some new memories - right then.

End Bonus Chapter 9

A/N: It's not super long, but it's hopefully amusing. I love writing these tiny little snippets of insight into Arthur and Merlin's relationship.


	47. Bonus Chapter 10 - Arthur is Insecure

Disclaimer: Merlin isn't mine. Merlin is Arthur's. Duh.

A/N: Merlin's usually the one that worries, but this time I made Arthur be the worrier. I hope you like the role reversal.

Also… I made it to 200,000+ words. Woooo!

.~

Bonus Chapter 10: Unforeseen Complications

.~.

After a long morning of meetings, Arthur took a post-lunch stroll around the lower town. He wore a hooded black cloak which hid his identity. Sometimes he just wanted to exist in his kingdom without people treating him as the king. He wanted to observe his people as they truly were.

As the king moved seamlessly between his people, Merlin came to mind. Arthur smiled to himself - when was Merlin _not _on his mind? After their rough patch with Merlin's dark magic, their relationship had returned to its usual harmonious state. Sure they got on each other's nerves living in the same space, but other than their normal bickering they'd had no major mishaps or fights. It was almost too good to be true.

Honestly, after Merlin had been freed from the dark magic, and Arthur learned how to trust Merlin again, their relationship grew even stronger than before. They had a higher intimacy level, somewhat thanks to the nature of their soul bond and the thought speech that came with it. But most of it was knowing that, even when Merlin had almost taken Arthur against his will, the king had unequivocally forgiven Merlin for it. He didn't hold Merlin responsible for the his behavior under the influence of the dark magic. Merlin had been so grateful for the king's forgiveness, that he'd do pretty much whatever Arthur wanted in bed.

This arrangement was really working out well for the king. He tried not to abuse it… oh who was he kidding? He totally abused it. However, he could do without Merlin treating him like he was made of glass. Arthur loved it when Merlin 'took charge' but there hadn't been much of that lately. But he savored the nights when Merlin slowly worshipped his body, teasing and toying with him to draw out their lovemaking and make it last. Arthur was the recipient of so much pure love, it was almost too much for him to handle.

There were some days where he didn't feel completely deserving of Merlin's love, especially when he'd had to make a decision that, for the good of the kingdom, ended up causing hardship to some of his poorest subjects. Those decisions never sat well with him, but they had to be made. Arthur knew that he couldn't fix every problem that his kingdom had, but it sure felt like people expected him to. He assumed that Merlin was in the same boat with the magical community, as he was their leader. But Arthur didn't always confide in Merlin about every little decision he made. He simply hadn't had the time, what with him and Merlin being so busy. Any time to themselves was mostly spent in bed. Arthur only went to Merlin for advice about the really important things. He didn't want to disappoint Merlin by informing him of his decisions that had a less than favorable outcome for all involved. Arthur could barely handle watching as Merlin's face fell when Arthur told him about a needless death or a small increase on taxes. So he stopped telling Merlin about such things.

Arthur shook his head as if to clear it. He didn't want to dwell on such thoughts right now. He just wanted an escape from the pressures of being king, even if it was just for short while.

He came across two middle-aged women who were standing near the smithy. From the sound of it, they discussing their families. Of course, Arthur wasn't one to eavesdrop unless it was for the good of the kingdom. However, he rationalized that this conversation might be crucial for him to hear, so Arthur casually stood by and listened.

"Rowena, I can't believe that Owain and I are going to be married for twenty years," the dumpy gray haired woman gushed.

"Has it really been that long, May? Goodness, but the time has flown by. Remember when I convinced you to give my brother a chance?" Rowena asked.

"How could I forget?!" May exclaimed. "I was already courting another boy at the time I met your brother Owain. I almost said no."

"But then I reminded you that only kissing one man wasn't enough," said Rowena. "That you need to have something to compare it to so you'll know when you meet _the one_."

"Quite right," said May. ''I'm so glad I chose to give your brother a chance When we kissed, there was this special attraction between us, which wasn't something I'd felt with the other man. I'm so glad I didn't waste my life on the other one, and that I gained you as a sister." Then the gossiping ladies left the smithy.

Arthur's panic face surfaced as he stood in the middle of the street, watching the women walk away. He couldn't help but apply what he'd heard to his relationship with Merlin. As far as he knew, Merlin had never kissed anyone else beside him. Who was to say that Merlin wouldn't be more attracted to someone else? If Merlin had never kissed another, it could be possible that there was someone else out there for Merlin, someone who was a better match? Perhaps someone with magic, or someone who wasn't always in the public eye.

Arthur didn't know what to do. If he told Merlin about these thoughts, it was possible that Merlin could misinterpret his meaning. Arthur didn't actually _want _to spend time apart, to see if there was someone better for Merlin, but the thought wouldn't leave his head. He returned to the castle and buried himself in his work, but he couldn't shake his sour mood.

The king of Camelot grew more irritable as the day went on. When he and Merlin were alone for the night in their chambers, Merlin pulled it out of him.

"Arthur, what's wrong?" Merlin asked. "You haven't been yourself since your walk in the lower town. Did someone impugn your honor?"

"Very funny," Arthur said sarcastically. If only that was it. The king was glad that Merlin had noticed he'd been feeling off. That was something, at least. He thought about telling Merlin about the conversation that he'd overheard in the lower town, but decided that would make him sound foolish. "Have you kissed anyone else besides me?" Arthur demanded.

Merlin frowned at the harshness behind Arthur's words. They sounded like an accusation. What had he done to warrant such a question? "Where did that come from?" The sorcerer asked.

"Well, have you?" The king pressed.

"Arthur, why does that matter?" Merlin sounded genuinely confused.

"I need to know," Arthur grated out.

"Gwen kissed me once, just after we first met," Merlin admitted. "But it was more of a friendly kiss, I had almost died and-"

"Kisses with women don't count, idiot," said Arthur. "I know you're only attracted to men."

"I'm only attracted to _you_, Arthur," Merlin said in earnest. "But if you must know, no, I haven't kissed another man."

Arthur sighed, putting his head in his hands. This wasn't the answer that he wanted.

"I thought you'd be happy about that," said Merlin, his azure eyes filled with concern. "How is this a problem?"

"If you don't have anything to compare me with, how do you know that I'm the one for you?" Arthur asked.

"How do I know? Well, there's the small fact that we happen to be _soul bonded_," said Merlin, putting emphasis on the last two words. "For life, Arthur. There's no one who could interest me other than you. My magic knows that. That's why it drew me to you."

"But you rushed into the whole soul bond thing because you wanted to come back to Earth and gave up your immortality to be with me." Arthur countered. "We never talked about it, Merlin. If you hadn't bonded us, you wouldn't have been able to come back. You didn't have a choice."

Merlin gave a little laugh. "We didn't _need_ to talk about it, Arthur. I've loved you practically since the day we met. I didn't rush into anything."

Arthur was silent. He didn't completely believe Merlin. "How do you know that there's no one else out there for you if you haven't looked?" The king asked.

"I don't need to look," Merlin tried but Arthur was having none of it.

"I want you to kiss someone else," Arthur decided.

"_Ar_thur." Merlin stared at Arthur as if he'd sprouted two heads. "That's not necess-"

"No, I mean it!" The king glared at Merlin. "I have to be sure that I didn't push you into this. I need you to tell me _for certain _that what you feel for me is different from what you feel with another."

"This is insane." Merlin just stared at Arthur, deeply hurt. He was a bit amused before, but then things quickly turned serious. "Why are you doing this, Arthur? I thought we were perfectly happy. My love for you is true. Why do you doubt that?"

"I don't know," Arthur said softly. "I just… what if in ten years our love had died out and you told me that you'd wished you'd explored other options? I couldn't bear that, Merlin. It would destroy me."

"Arthur, that's not going to happen," Merlin insisted.

"You don't know that for sure," said Arthur. "Even with all your power, you can't foresee the future."

"No, I don't know for sure," Merlin admitted. "But I can't see that happening, as long as we carry on the way we are now. You need to have more faith in us._ I _do."

"I need proof, Merlin," Arthur insisted. "Look. All you have to do is kiss another man. If you don't enjoy it, I'll never speak of this again. But if you do… perhaps we should consider taking a break so that you can explore other options."

"But I don't _want_ to kiss another man! Nor do I want a break from you. Wait…" Merlin gave Arthur a calculating look. "Do _you_ want to take a break from me? Do you want to see other people?"

"No!" Arthur cried. Merlin was completely missing the point. "Not at all. I'm one hundred percent committed to you . Don't over complicate things."

"That's exactly what _you_ are doing!" Merlin shot back.

"I have to know, Merlin." Arthur stubbornly stood his ground. "Or else not knowing will eat me up inside."

"You really need me to do this," Merlin realized, with a sinking feeling. He was going to have to kiss someone who wasn't Arthur.

"Please," Arthur whispered.

"Alright," Merlin said reluctantly. "Know that I'm doing it under protest. Whatever happens is not going to change how I feel about you, Arthur. But if it will put your doubts to rest, I'll do it."

"Thank you," said the king, relieved that he wouldn't have to beg.

"If I do this, it means that you won't be the only person I've kissed," Merlin reminded him.

Arthur wasn't happy about that part, but it had to be done. "It's just a kiss," Arthur scoffed. "It's not like I want you to have sex with him."

"I didn't know kisses meant so little to you," Merlin snapped, remembering all the times that he and Arthur had shared all manner of kisses during the duration of their relationship. He'd thought those kisses had been special, that they had meaning. Maybe he thought wrong.

"That's not what I meant!" Arthur exclaimed. "_Mer_lin…"

"No, I get it," said Merlin. "I'll go down to the stables this afternoon. I'm sure I'll find a willing stable boy to - what was it - _explore other options_. I'll see you later, _Sire_." Merlin stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Arthur realized that he must have really gotten to Merlin if the sorcerer was resorting to such a childish action.

Arthur collapsed onto their bed and curled up into a ball. He shook for a few minutes, but he didn't cry. If tears gathered at his eyes, it wasn't really crying. No man was worth his tears, not even Merlin.

.~.

Once he'd quickly pulled himself together, Arthur located Sir Leon and Sir Gwaine and demanded that they leave on a hunting trip with him at once. The two knights didn't question Arthur when he sounded like_ that_. Arthur just had to get away from the city, at least for a few hours. He didn't want to be anywhere near the stables, not when he knew what Merlin was going to do. Which was ridiculous, considering he was the one who'd forced Merlin into do it.

Servants brought three horses and necessary supplies to the courtyard, where Arthur, Gwaine, and Leon mounted them. They rode out into the forest along one of the lesser used trails, with Arthur setting the pace out in front. He only went a short while, not wanting to stray too far from the castle in case there was need of him.

"Something's bothering you," Leon stated when they stopped to water the horses.

"It's nothing," Arthur snapped.

Leon and Gwaine shared a knowing look over Arthur's head. "What have you done to Merlin this time?" Gwaine casually inquired.

"How do you know I did something to _him_?" Arthur asked in spite of himself. "How do you know it wasn't the other way around?"

"Because most of the time that's what happens," said Gwaine. "You do or say something stupid, and Merlin always pays the price."

"I-" Arthur caved and told them everything. He put his head in his hands, not wishing to look his knights in the eye after that confession. Talk about baring his soul! This was something that the king didn't ever do. But he just couldn't keep it inside any longer. Arthur knew he could trust Leon and Gwaine.

"Excuse me for saying so, Sire, but _what the fuck_?" Leon cried.

Arthur's head snapped up. Leon never swore, so Arthur paid extra attention to what he next said.

"We all know that Merlin will love you until the day you die," said Leon. "You should too. God knows he's proved himself to you enough times."

Arthur knew that Merlin had proved his loyalty. He _thought _Merlin had also proved his love. But if Merlin's love was his only because Merlin had never considered another, then perhaps it didn't count.

"Did Merlin do something that led to this?" Gwaine wondered.

"No," Arthur said miserably. "I was just afraid that if-"

Without warning, Arthur's forehead burned. The young king clutched at his head as he experienced the most excruciating pain he'd ever felt. "Ahhh, my head!" he cried. He knew it wasn't any sort of physical ailment. The bond was scalding him. In his mind's eye he saw Merlin kissing another man who vaguely looked like him. Arthur crumpled to the ground, unable to stay upright as he drowned in the crushing waves of mental pain.

"Arthur!" Leon cried, rushing to help the king sit back up.

"What's happening?" Gwaine asked. "Arthur, talk to us!"

"The bond," Arthur gasped, wincing as he felt a pulsating throbbing in his temples. "It _hurts_. Merlin, he's hurting me!"

"Merlin would never…" Gwaine trailed off. He watched his king cry out in pain and didn't know how to help. There was no monster to slay that would right the situation. The knight was completely out of his element here.

"What can we do?" Leon asked. "I can't see what's attacking him. Is it sorcery?"

"I don't know. We have to get him to Merlin!" Gwaine realized. "Help me with him."

Leon helped Arthur climb onto his horse, and Gwaine climbed up behind him. "Merlin, _stop_…" Arthur moaned before going completely slack.

"Sire!" Leon cried. He shook his king, but Arthur didn't wake.

"Don't worry. He's still breathing, he's just knocked out," said Gwaine after quickly assessing the king, which was difficult as they were on a horse. He tightened his arms around Arthur, watching as the king's head lolled to the side. "The things I do for you, Princess," Gwaine muttered as he cradled the king's head. But the knight was terrified that something would happen to Arthur on the way back to Camelot. He couldn't handle delivering Arthur to Merlin if he was… no, Gwaine wouldn't think about that.

"Come on, Gwaine, it's not far," Leon encouraged. "We'll keep him safe until we arrive."

Gwaine nodded, and urged his horse to follow Leon's.

"I don't understand what's happening to him," Leon worried.

"I only hope that Merlin will," said Gwaine, his words sounding ominous as they rode back to Camelot as fast as they dared.

.~.

Meanwhile, in the stables, Merlin had quickly found a horse groom willing to 'become more acquainted' in one of the deserted corners. But beyond that, Merlin didn't know what to do. He'd never given any thought to propositioning anyone other than Arthur.

"My lord, are you alright?" The boy asked. Merlin noted that the boy had blonde hair and blue eyes and was fairly muscular. Huh. Maybe he did have a type. But this boy didn't shine like Arthur, didn't radiate energy that called to him. "My lord, did you still want to…"

_No,_ _get away from me!_ Merlin's mind screamed. _ I belong to Arthur and no other_. "Yes," Merlin said aloud. He reminded himself that he was doing this for Arthur. "I'm just not sure how to-"

"My Lord Merlin, let me," the boy said. He took Merlin's hands in his and slowly pulled him closer until their lips were almost touching. Their eyes locked and Merlin reluctantly closed the distance between them. Merlin noticed that the boy's lips were plump and wet, much like Arthur's. But when the boy's tongue sought Merlin's, the sorcerer realized that all he could feel was their tongues touching. There was no unseen pull, no desperate yearning for more, no need to lose himself in this boy's very essence.

Then he realized that this felt very _wrong_. This wasn't his Arthur, therefore it wasn't what he wanted. But before he could pull away, Merlin was wracked by a searing pain in his head. His magic instantly reacted and reduced the severe pain to a minor discomfort. Then Merlin had the sense to pull away from the boy. He stepped back, as if scalded.

"What's wrong?" The boy asked, but Merlin hardly heard him. In his mind, Merlin had felt his other half's scream. He knew that Arthur too had experienced the mysterious pain, but unlike Merlin, he didn't have any magical means to dull it.

"Arthur," Merlin breathed, realizing where he was needed. "I have to go." Then Merlin grabbed a horse, swung astride it, and flew out of the stables. He mentally located Arthur just outside of the city and headed in that direction.

He quickly came upon with Sir Leon and Sir Gwaine in the forest. A pale, deathly still Arthur was supported by Gwaine's strong arms.

"What happened?" Merlin cried.

"He was clutching his head earlier," Gwaine informed Merlin.

"It's possible he blacked out due to the severity of the pain," said Leon as they all helped the unconscious Arthur down from the horse. They carefully lay him down in a bed of grass.

"Can you tell what's wrong with him?" Leon asked as Merlin's hands flew to Arthur's temples. "Is it a magical attack?"

The court sorcerer performed a healing spell, to no avail. "I think I did something to him," Merlin's voice shook as he tried to rouse Arthur yet again and failed. "But it was an accident. I swear, I didn't mean to!"

"What'd you do?" Gwaine asked, almost afraid to find out.

"I kissed another, on Arthur's orders." Merlin's shoulders shook as the knights took in his broken expression. "I think our bond thought that I was deliberately cheating on him. How could I have done this to him?" Merlin cried. "It's all my fault."

"No, it's not! Arthur's a fucking idiot for putting you in that situation," Gwaine growled. "You had no way to know how his mind would react."

"I have to reach him somehow," Merlin murmured to himself. Thankfully, the answer came to him quickly. "I think I have to go inside his head."

"Do what you need to do," said Leon. "We'll keep watch."

Merlin nodded. He placed his fingers on Arthur's temples, closed his eyes, and initiated a state where they could share minds. He followed the call of the siren song that was Arthur's golden energy, tracing the illuminated path that led directly into the king's inner sanctum.

Once inside the mindscape, Merlin found himself to be surrounded with dark green fur trees in the middle of a forest of shadows. He slowly pushed through the dry, prickly needles as he tried to move forward to find Arthur. He tried to use a spell to light his way, but his magic was useless in here. Ever so often, he came across brambles of thorns. If he got too close, the brambles would reach out to try and grab him. But Merlin would prevail - he knew that Arthur was in here somewhere. He could sense him, but something wasn't right. Arthur's usual radiant energy was dimmed, cut off from its source.

The sorcerer finally came to a clearing in the forest that showcased a tall ivory tower. Merlin could sense that Arthur was stuck in the top of the tower. Of course, it was covered in brambles. Arthur never could make things easy for him, and that included exploring his mind. Merlin crawled up the side of the tower, carefully climbing stone by stone as he dodged the thorns.

"Arthur!" He called, when he'd almost reached the room at the top. "Hold on! I'm coming."

"Don't bother," Arthur scathingly responded from his position at the top. "You don't want me any more. Your actions made that perfectly clear."

Panting hard, the young sorcerer finally made it up to the room at the top of the tower, climbing in through the windowsill. "How can you say that when I just climbed this tower just to…" Merlin trailed off, having just seen the true state of his king's soul. "Oh, _Arthur_." Merlin said sadly as he took in the sight of his other half. His usually shining king looked emaciated, with bags under his eyes and his hair graying at the edges. Gone was Arthur's easy confidence laced with arrogance. Instead, there was a shell of a defeated man.

"Love, what have I done to you?" Merlin whispered.

"Why did you kiss him?" Arthur accused, wincing as he remembered the searing pain. "You _hurt _me."

"Don't you remember? You practically ordered me to kiss him," said Merlin. "Arthur, _please_. I never meant to hurt you." Merlin's eyes were tearing up during this point. He couldn't bear the fact that he'd caused Arthur pain.

"I would never wish to share you with another," Arthur said firmly. "Don't lie to me, Merlin."

"I'm not lying!" Merlin exclaimed. "I have never wanted anyone the way I want you," Merlin promised. "Arthur, I _love_ you."

"If you love me, then why did you hurt me?" Arthur wanted to know.

"I didn't know that kissing someone would inadvertently hurt you," said Merlin. "If I'd known, I _never_ would have let you talk me into…" He reached to pull Arthur close, but the king backed away.

When Merlin gave him a questioning look, Arthur responded. "I can't trust you anymore."

But Merlin took a step back, and didn't take the bait. "You mean you can't trust _yourself_," Merlin slowly realized. "That's the whole reason why we're in this mess. You think you're not good enough for me. Why, Arthur?"

"I just thought that there might be someone else out there who could treat you better that me," Arthur admitted. "Perhaps someone with magic, who would understand your struggles with it. Perhaps someone who doesn't live in the public eye. Then you wouldn't have to give so many speeches and stand beside me under public scrutiny all the time."

"Arthur, I _want_ to stand at your side," said Merlin. "And as for the magic, that's never mattered." All this talk is getting us nowhere. We need to leave, to return to the present."

"I don't want to leave," said Arthur. "Although my head still hurts."

"I think the only way for you to be free of this pain is to get up and walk out of here," Merlin informed him.

"I'm just fine up here," said Arthur. "Here, nothing can hurt me."

"Arthur, this isn't real," Merlin insisted. "We're inside your mind. Our real bodies are in the forest. I can't get you to wake up, so I followed you here. Please remember, Arthur! You have a responsibility to your people, to your knights, your friends…"

"To you?" Arthur enquired.

"Especially to me," said Merlin. "Arthur, I swear I'll never touch another again. If you must know, I didn't feel anything for the boy. It just felt like kissing another pair of lips. It was nothing special. It was missing the spark, whatever it is that I feel when I'm kissing you."

"Oh," said Arthur. He was relieved by this. "Does this mean you don't want to take a break?"

"I don't want a break from you, you prat," Merlin cried. "Not now, not ever! And don't worry. I'm personally not going to let our love die out in ten years. I'm sure there's plenty of things that we can do to spice up our 'alone time'. We can spend more time alone, go on more walks, more hunting and fishing trips. I also think it's important to give each other council, especially if either one of us is making a difficult decision. I've been slacking on that lately, but I promise I can make it up to you. Our future will be amazing, Arthur. All you have to do is believe in it."

"Kiss me," Arthur ordered.

"Not until we're out of here," Merlin countered. "Climb down from the tower with me."

Arthur nodded, and slowly began the descent. Once they both reached the ground, Arthur wasn't sure what their next move was.

"How do we get out of my mind?" Arthur wondered.

"We can wish ourselves out, I think," said Merlin. "Just picture yourself safe and sound, back in the forest outside Camelot."

Arthur tried, but couldn't do it. He only gave himself a headache. "It's not working."

"Then perhaps there's something we need to do here before we leave," Merlin said reasonably. "Arthur, do you think it's possible to heal yourself in this place?"

Arthur glared at him. "I don't know how to heal myself."

"Maybe you don't, but you have someone who can help." Merlin locked eyes with Arthur's, his breath caught as the sorcerer recognized himself in their stormy depths.

"Hold me," Arthur murmured as the warlock drew his king into his arms. They stood like that for about five minutes, with Merlin hugging Arthur for all he was worth. Arthur buried his face in Merlin's shoulder, finally letting the sobs come.

"Let it out, love," Merlin soothed as Arthur shook in his arms. "It's alright. I'm here."

Arthur eventually pulled back, his tear-streaked face laid bare for Merlin to see.

"Feel better?" Merlin asked as he gently stroked Arthur's cheeks, brushing away the tears.

Arthur nodded. "Heal me, Merlin."

Merlin smiled. "I believe you've already done most of that. I'll just finish the job. Give me your hands," Merlin instructed and Arthur did. "You are worthy of my love, Arthur. Do you believe that?" Merlin asked.

"Yes," Arthur said quietly.

"Good. Now, we'll heal you together." Merlin's eyes flashed gold. A blazing white heat pulsed between them, and Arthur felt the emaciation slip away. His hair returned to it's golden glory. The bags from under his eyes disappeared. He was whole again! When his vision cleared, he found himself on the forest floor looking up at a very concerned Leon and Gwaine.

"Arthur?" Gwaine asked. "Are you alright?"

The king nodded, slightly wincing as the pain in his head slowly rescinded. "I'm fine. Where's Merlin?" Arthur glanced over to his side, and found his sorcerer trying to sit up.

"Merlin! You're back!" The knights exclaimed in unison.

"Yes, I'm alright," Merlin confirmed. "Just tired. You would be too, if you had to deal with this prat." He grinned good-naturedly at Arthur, who let Merlin get away with the insult - just this one time.

The knights delivered the king and his sorcerer safely back to Camelot. They escorted the duo back to their bedroom and snagged them some food from a couple passing servants. Gwaine and Leon bid them goodnight, encouraging them to eat and to fix whatever this was between them. Arthur and Merlin promised that they would.

"Kiss me," Arthur begged after they'd been left alone.

"Only if you understand that there's no one else for me, Arthur," said Merlin.

"I understand," said Arthur, blushing just a tad as he beamed at his former manservant. "Now prove it."

Merlin's lips sweetly found Arthur's. Oh yes, this was so much better than his last kiss! A feeling of_ home/love/safe_ bubbled up from his mind. Merlin slightly opened his mouth and Arthur's tongue slowly tangled with his. This was, to Merlin, the best feeling in the world. But as much as he enjoyed it, Merlin eventually had to pull away. He was getting so dizzy and mixed up as to where he stopped and Arthur began. It was disorienting for him to come back to the real world after he'd experienced this intense attraction to his soul mate.

"Woah," Arthur whispered as his head swam. "What you do to me Merlin, never fails to amaze."

"Now do you believe me?" Merlin asked. "That our love burns stronger than ever?"

"Yes," Arthur said with vehemence. "I'm sorry my inner self didn't remember that we'd planned the whole kiss thing."

"It's okay," said Merlin. "I should've thought of any negative consequences that might have happened to you if I kissed someone else. My magical instincts failed me." He looked away.

"No, Merlin," Arthur said quietly, turning Merlin back around to face him. "I'm the one to blame. If I hadn't been so insecure, none of this would've ever happened."

"Arthur, if you don't mind me asking, what prompted this?" Merlin asked.

Arthur told him about what he'd overheard in the lower town. Merlin immediately reassured his king that there was no need for him to kiss anyone else. He didn't like sharing. "Next time just _tell _me why something's bothering you," Merlin complained. "Arthur, you've been such an ass to me! I can't help you unless I know exactly what's going on."

"Alright," Arthur mumbled. "I think it will really help if we're completely honest with each other, in regards to the decisions that we make when the other isn't around."

"Then that is what we'll do," said Merlin. "Now that that is settled…" He pushed Arthur back onto the bed and had his way with him. He took Arthur face to face, so that the king could see the love in Merlin's eyes as he took the king to great heights. Arthur trembled as he came back down and Merlin held him all the way through it.

"I've got you," Merlin crooned as Arthur's breathing slowly returned to normal. "You're mine, Arthur Pendragon. I'm not leaving you. You've got me forever."

"Thank you," Arthur murmured as he clung to Merlin's lithe body. "I can't get enough of you," he confessed. "Your scent. Your touch. Your mind. God, Merlin. You're my perfect match."

"Honestly, Arthur, I don't know what's gotten into you, sounding this sentimental. Can men have periods? Because you sure are getting emotional," Merlin teased.

Arthur chucked a pillow at Merlin in response, and just like that, they were back to normal.

..~.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this as my as I did!


	48. Bonus Chapter 11 - Comedy and Tragedy

Bonus Chapter 11: Comedy and Tragedy

A/N: In this chapter there's a time jump. Gwen and Lance's son Thomas is thirteen in this one, so it's thirteen years after Merlin's Struggles has ended. Of course, Thomas believes Arthur to be his father. Just reminding you guys!

.~.

Camelot's newest construction project was finally finished! A new addition had just been built, a new tower made of stone with black shingles. It rose higher than the north tower, where the lookouts stood on patrol watching the goings-on below. The magic students had been instrumental in its construction and speeding up the process. It had only taken weeks to complete instead of months.

Building the tower made a sizable dent in the royal treasury. The citizens of Camelot wondered as to why it had been built. The rumor behind the addition was, that Merlin needed more space to conduct magical experiments and it was protected by many magical safeguards, even more than the magic school. The townsfolk found that explanation to ring true, that Arthur had ordered this tower to be built as a gift to his Court Sorcerer. Their friendship was legendary, as one was hardly seen without the other. Of course the king and sorcerer were in a secret relationship but they'd done a good job hiding it from the public. Only their closest friends and servants knew.

Arthur kept hinting to Merlin that he wished to 'christen' the room, but his sorcerer could never seem to find the time. The king didn't understand Merlin's reluctance. He'd had the set of rooms made only for him and Merlin - the least his sorcerer could do was to make the room truly theirs. They were the only two people allowed up there - it would be a perfect romantic setting where they could… have 'alone time'. Arthur smirked. He was going to make Merlin beg for it.

But the empty room called not only to Arthur, but to others in the royal household. Mischievous thirteen year-old Thomas Pendragon and his two best friends decided that the new tower was a perfect place to practice forbidden spells. They snuck upstairs without being noticed and made their way up to the new room. The door was locked, but Thomas quickly unlocked it with magic.

"This is perfect!" Thomas happily exclaimed as his friends high-fived and slapped their book of forbidden spells on the table in the middle of the room. "No one will catch us up here." He'd stolen the book from the castle library, right in front of old Monmouth's nose. "Who wants to go first?"

Thomas and his friends decided to practice using forbidden magic to turn themselves into animals. Such spells were tricky and if done wrong, it could result in the caster being stuck as an animal forever. But to the young teens, it was worth the risk. It sounded so much fun, and they were the top students in their grade at school.

Then the voice of reason prevailed. "Are you sure we should be doing this?" Thomas's male best friend asked. He was Sir Elyan's son, named Geoffrey. "We could get in a lot of trouble if we're caught. Not to mention what would happen if this went wrong."

"You worry too much," scoffed the Pendragon heir. "Well, I guess if no one else is brave enough, I'll have to go first."

"No, wait. I'll do it," his other friend interjected. Her name was Leona and she was the first child of Morgana and Sir Leon. Her name was a combination of her parents' names. Although a year apart in age, she and Thomas were inseparable.

"No you won't," Geoffrey cut in. "_I'm_ doing it first." He motioned for Thomas to get on with it. Thomas cast the spell, shouting the words as they echoed throughout the chamber as he raised his hand, directing the magic at Geoffrey.

"Animagus totallus!"

Geoffrey disappeared and in his place sat a dark green toad, complete with warts and all. Thomas and Leona completely cracked up as Geoffrey hopped around the room and croaked. They got a kick out of watching their froggy friend. That was when Leona realized something.

"Hey Thomas?" Leona gulped. "What's the spell to change him back?"

"Oh crap," Thomas mumbled. He hadn't thought that far. He realized he had no way to change his friend back into a human.

"Don't panic. I'm sure the counterspell is in the book," said Leona. "We just need to-" Both she and Thomas froze as they heard voices.

"Oh no," Thomas whispered. "We weren't the only ones that had this idea."

"Grab him," Leona instructed, meaning the toad. "There's an adjacent room we can hide in until it's safe to leave."

"If they catch us, we're going to be in so much trouble," Thomas worried. as he picked up Geoffrey the toad and they into the smaller adjoining room. They'd barely shut the door behind them before they identified the voices.

It was Leona's parents, Lady Morgana and Sir Leon. "What are they doing here?" Leona whispered, watching them through the crack in the door.

That was when Leona noticed her mother's clothes. She was wearing a very skimpy silky green dress and was giggling into her husband's ear. "Oh, good Sir Knight, have you brought me here to have your way with me?"

"Of course not, my lady," said her father. "I will keep to the knight's code and protect you from all who wish you harm. Unless you_ want_ me to-"

"Mmmm," said her mother. "I've only wanted that for_ months _now, imagining us in this room. You shouldn't keep a lady waiting."

"Oh, gross!" Leona stuck her tongue out for emphasis as she watched her parents kiss and her father run his hands across his mother's chest. "I think they're going to…"

That was when Geoffrey croaked. Morgana and Leon quickly jumped apart, looking around for the source of the noise.

"That's odd," said Leon. "I was sure I heard something. It almost sounded like a frog."

"I think it's coming from the other room," said Morgana, heading that way.

Thomas and Leona knew they were done for. Until something else happened. More voices could be heard coming up the stairs. As if things weren't already complicated!

"Shit," Morgana cursed as she adjusted her dress. "We can't let them catch us! Into the other chamber."

Leon followed his wife into the adjoining room, finding himself face to face with Thomas and his daughter.

"What are_ you _doing here?" Both women asked.

Leona looked disgusted. "I know what _you're_ doing here. Ew, guys. If you wanted to do 'that', why didn't you just stay in your bedroom?"

"Don't talk to your mother that way," said Leon, but he was blushing.

Then Morgana noticed the toad. "Is that…" She looked appalled. "Is that Geoffrey?"

Thomas gave her a guilty look. "How can you tell?"

"Young man, I am the most powerful witch in all of Camelot," Morgana informed him. "Do you really think that I couldn't identify your poor friend's magical energy? You came up here to practice forbidden spells! Why, I should tell your mother that-"

The voices coming up the stairs grew louder.

"Shhh," Leon cut her off. They quickly forgot their quarrel as they listened to the familiar voices.

"It's my mother. And Sir Lancelot," Thomas correctly identified the voices. Sir Lancelot had been assigned as his mother's official protector by Arthur, after a dark wizard spoke of others coming to kill Guinevere and her son. "I wonder what they are doing here?"

Morgana moved to open the door to warn them but she was too late.

"Oh Lance, take me here. Now, on this floor," Gwen moaned.

"Yesss," Lancelot hissed, laying her down and climbing on top of her.

Thomas's mouth fell open in horror as he watched them kiss. Anger welled up in him as he processed what was happening. "Mum is cheating on my dad? With Sir Lancelot?"

"Wait, Thomas…" Morgana tried to explain but Thomas had pushed past her.

"Mum, what are you doing?" Thomas raged.

"Thomas!" Gwen gasped as she saw her son, straightening up as she moved away from Lancelot. Her son wasn't supposed to see this private display… no one was. It was supposed to be an empty room. For thirteen years, she and Lance had been so careful. To have it all unravel now was unbearable. "I- I can explain…" Tears formed at the queen's eyes as she took in Thomas's look of fury.

"That's nothing to explain," Thomas said tersely. "How could you do this to Father? How could you sully your love?"

"I'm sorry, Gwen, he ran past me," said Morgana, rushing into the room with Leon and their daughter.

"Thomas, there's more to this situation that you know," Lancelot tried, but Thomas only glared at him.

"My father trusted you!" Thomas swore under his breath. "He assigned you as my mum's protector, and this is how you repay him?"

"Thomas, I didn't want you to find out this way," Gwen said sadly. "We wanted to wait until you were older, when you could understand the situation for what it is. I see we have waited too long."

"Does Father know?" Thomas asked quietly.

Gwen and Lance exchanged a look. "Well, about that-"

That was when they all heard more voices. "Arthur, I don't have that much time. I don't see why you need me to examine the room."

It was Arthur and Merlin.

"Fuck!" Morgana swore. "All of you, into the other room, now!" When the most powerful witch in all of Camelot speaks, everyone listens.

Thomas, Leona, Morgana, Leon, Gwen, and Lancelot all crowded into the adjoining chamber as they closed the door behind them.

"So what do you think of the new chambers?" Arthur asked.

"Not bad," Merlin considered, hiding a smile. He did love to rile Arthur up. After fourteen years of being together, and four more before that as friends, he was quite good at it by now.

"Let me look," Thomas tried to go up to the door, to see out of the crack, but Morgana wisely blocked his path.

"Shhh," she whispered. "If we're quiet, they won't hear us and we all won't have to explain what we're doing up there. None of us are supposed to be here!"

"Not bad?" Arthur sounded offended. "I get the magic students up here to make this place especially for you and all you can say is 'not bad'?"

"It's not that I'm not grateful, I am," said Merlin. "But isn't this kind of extravagant? Even for you?"

"This is a gift for you, Merlin. I had these room built for you, to use as a workshop."

"For_ just _me?" Merlin teased.

"For us," Arthur clarified.

"Oh no," Morgana whispered. She was quite familiar with Arthur and Merlin's interactions and this sounded like exactly like foreplay.

"Merlin," Arthur said softly, intertwining his hand with his sorcerer's. "Please."

"Please _what_?" Merlin smirked.

"I am the king," Arthur reminded him. "You can't speak to me like that."

"Or _what_?" Merlin leaned in closer to Arthur, his breathing a little heavy. "You'll put me in the stocks? You'll kick me out of our chambers? That's hardly much of a threat."

"Don't make me beg for it," Arthur growled.

"Mmm, I wouldn't dream of it," said Merlin as he magically removed their shirts. He grinned seductively at Arthur. "Only _you _would build a whole new set of rooms just so we could-"

"Fuck!" Arthur cut him off, reveling in his own pleasure as he captured Merlin's lips with his own. He pinned Merlin against a stone wall and began to press close, reveling in the skin to skin contact. Merlin let out a small, breathy moan. "Arthur…I wanted this so badly today. Oh God!" Merlin exclaimed, shutting his eyes as Arthur rubbed up against his crotch, just giving in the the delicious sensations.

"Merlin!" Arthur gasped. "You're mine. Do you understand me?"

"Always," Merlin panted before their lips met once again.

"No," Thomas whispered, as he listened to his father and Uncle Merlin declare their love...no, their lust for one another. The anger returned as he listened to his father and Merlin's breathy moans. Thomas twisted past as stunned Morgana and darted out the door, interrupting Arthur and Merlin's 'playtime'.

"Father!" Thomas cried, confused and hurt by all that he'd witnessed. "Why would you do this? You're supposed to be in love with my mum."

Arthur and Merlin separated, both sporting guilty looks.

"Thomas, please go easy on them," Gwen pleaded. "It's not what it seems."

"Mum, you knew about them?" Thomas was appalled.

"Of course I did," said Gwen. "I gave them my blessing."

"_What_?" Thomas wondered, still wrapping his head around the fact that his father and Uncle Merlin were in a homosexual relationship. "I don't understand. This doesn't make any sense."

"Thomas, Arthur and I have an unusual arrangement," said Gwen. "Even though we are married, I secretly promised myself to the man I love and so did Arthur. He loves Merlin more than anything. That's also how I feel about Lance."

But Thomas put Gwen and Lance out of his mind for the moment. "Father?" Thomas squeaked. "You and _Merlin_? You're with a_ man_? I had no idea that you liked men."

"Well obviously I do. Son, I will love Merlin until the end of time," Arthur grated out. "I know you've been given a shock today, but trust me when I say that, technically, no one has been cheating."

"He's right, Thomas," Merlin added. "Your parents' marriage has always been one of convenience. You don't know the whole story. Did you know that before she married your father, Guinevere was Lancelot's fiance?"

"No," Thomas admitted. He looked from Arthur to Gwen, apprehensive. He didn't think he would like the explanation they were about to give him.

"We loved each other, Thomas," said Gwen. "We were about to be married but Lance didn't make it to the wedding. He was on patrol that morning and his unit was attacked."

"Then we believed Lance to be dead at the hands of dark sorcerers," said Merlin. "I examined the blood left behind, and thought that Lance must be gone with that much blood loss. We were all thrilled when Lancelot showed up back in Camelot months later."

"But by then I had already married Arthur," said Gwen.

"But you didn't love him," Thomas pointed out. You've always told me that it's very important to be in love with the person I choose as my consort. When you didn't do that? Why would you marry Arthur when you were still mourning for Lancelot?"

"Let's go, children," said Morgana, ushering Leona and Geoffrey out of the room. Leon went behind her. They didn't need to be present for this private conversation.

"Because Lance and I had already…" Gwen blushed. "When I thought him dead, I knew I had to find a new husband. So Arthur graciously agreed to make me his queen."

"When Lancelot came back, why didn't you could ask for a divorce?" Thomas wondered.

"Because our people already believed that you were our heir," said Gwen. "Arthur and I had announced it months before."

"Do you understand what we're saying?" said Arthur. "I have never been intimate with Guinevere." Merlin grabbed Arthur's hand and squeezed it in silent support. Both couples were expectantly looking at Thomas.

"B-but…" Thomas stuttered. "That means…" He couldn't finish his sentence, his mind reeling from the revelation.

"Yes," said Arthur. "I'm not really your father. Lancelot is. He and your mother have been in an exclusive relationship since the moment I made him Guinevere's protector."

"You did that on purpose, so they would be able to spend time together," Thomas said slowly.

"That's right," said Arthur. "I wanted them to be happy, as happy as I was with Merlin."

"How did_ that_ come to be?' Thomas asked. He wasn't disgusted, just surprised.

"It's a long story," said Merlin, sharing a glance with his king. "We fell in love just before your grandfather Uther died. It took us four years to figure out that we were made for each other. Our love had blossomed out of a long standing friendship."

Thomas nodded slowly. "Now that I think about it, you and Arthur spend much more time together that he does Mum."

"And there you have it," said Arthur, trying to lighten the conversation. "I try not to favor Merlin over Gwen, but sometimes it just happens. I try to be subtle about it."

"Yes, you were being subtle when you ordered these rooms to be built as a gift to Merlin," Thomas muttered.

"Thomas," Gwen said sternly. "Don't make this worse than it needs to be."

Thomas looked at Arthur. "So what are you to me? You're not my real father, but I believed you to be all my life."

"I have always loved you as a father, even if you're not my biological child. You'll still need to call me your father in public," said Arthur. "But when we're in private, I'd suggest you do so to Lance. He really loves you, you know."

"I know you're hurt because we lied to you," Lance said softly. "But I'd like to make it up to you. Spend some time together, as father and son."

"I don't know," said Thomas. "I'm still trying to wrap my head around all this."

But now that he thought about it, he'd noticed his mother and Lancelot were touching, sometimes holding hands under the table at meal times. At the time, Thomas had thought nothing of it.

Merlin and Arthur had behaved the same way. They would exchange glances, they would defend the other, and they would disappear for long periods of time under guise of getting work done.

He supposed that both couples were having sex. Thomas shuddered. He didn't want to think about his parents and their lovers doing that. They were all so old! Not to mention that Thomas didn't understand the mechanics of how Arthur and Merlin could become intimate.

"I need some time to mull this over," said Thomas. "I'm going to go to the gardens."

"By all means," said Arthur. "But promise me you're not going to tell a soul, other than Morgana and Leon."

"I promise, said Thomas.

"Very well," said Merlin. "We'll leave you to your walk then."

Thomas ran down the spiral staircase, tears prickling at his eyes. He didn't know what to do. This was too much for him to handle. He made his way to the garden, all the while thinking about the news he just heard.

He loved his parents - biological or no - more than anything, and all they loved him, so what was the problem? Thomas just hated being blindsided about the news. He wasn't ready to accept it, that Arthur and Merlin were together, as well as her mom and his protector. And then there was the fact that he was supposed to be the next king although no Pendragon blood ran through his veins. Was that even allowed? He didn't think so, according to the law. Had his whole life been a lie?

The heir to the throne stayed out in the gardens mulling all of this over until it was time for dinner. He took dinner in his chambers, not wanting to see his parents just yet. He called his two best friends to share in the meal. Leona and Geoffrey didn't know why they were summoned. Then Thomas told them everything. He knew he wasn't supposed to tell anyone about what he'd learned in the tower, but if the grown-ups could lie to him, he felt justified in doing this. He only hoped that Leona and Geoffrey could help him make sense of it all.

End Chapter 11

A/N: I know, a bit of a cliffie. I'll address that in the next chapter. Thanks for the reviews and sticking with me! Hugs.

Bonus Chapter 12: How Merlin and Arthur were betrothed in heaven

Bonus Chapter 13: Yuletide?

Bonus Chapter 14: A Plague


	49. Bonus Chapter 12 - Synchronicities

Disclaimer: Merlin is not mine.

A/N: I have no idea the age difference between Merlin and Arthur so I made it up.

Bonus Chapter - Synchronicities

"Tell me something I don't know about you," said Merlin. He and Arthur were lying in their king-sized bed, curled up together as they were indulging in a rare lazily spent morning.

This was a game that they occasionally played. Merlin knew many things about Arthur's past, but he didn't know everything. The same was true for Arthur. So they would ask each other this question to learn about each other. It was a form of intimacy that they both enjoyed as they rested in between 'fun activities'.

"When I was two years old, I choked on a piece of chicken," said Arthur.

"Wow. That's very interesting, Arthur," Merlin said dryly. Perhaps his king wasn't taking the exercise seriously.

"Shut up, idiot," Arthur growled. "Let me finish."

"Fine." Merlin grinned at his king. He did love to provoke Arthur. It was one of his main goals in life.

"The chicken got lodged in my throat and no matter how hard I coughed, it wouldn't come out. I almost died that day due to lack of air."

"Oh," Merlin said softly, squeezing Arthur's hand. "I bet that was awful."

"It was terrifying," Arthur agreed. "Apparently, I turned blue. My father all but had a heart attack, as he almost lost his only heir to the throne."

Merlin shook his head. "I'm sure he was more concerned about losing_ you, _his son that he cared for very much."

"Maybe," said Arthur, but he didn't sound convinced.

"How did you survive?" Merlin asked.

"Gaius happened to be in the room. He did this thing where he got behind me and pushed his arms up under my ribcage. The chicken flew out of my mouth and I could breathe again."

"Lucky Gaius was there," said Merlin. "If he hadn't been, I never would've met the love of my life."

"I'm sure you'd found someone else," Arthur quipped, but he was pleased. "Alright, your turn."

Merlin hemmed and hawed before he settled on a suitable topic. "Let's see. When I was six, I had a really nasty tantrum…" But then he reconsidered. "I don't know, Arthur. I still have a lot of shame around this memory."

"All the more reason to tell me," said Arthur. "You know I won't judge you."

Merlin grudgingly agreed that Arthur was right. It would probably do him good to share this with Arthur. "Alright. I was at the village school and I was knowingly disobeying the rules. I was frustrated about something and I was jumping up in down and whining. My teacher had asked me to stop jumping. I was just about to stop when I was overcome by this sense of total fear. In the confusion, I jumped only once more, right at the exact moment she asked me to stop. My teacher lost her temper with me, which I thought was totally unfair because I stopped right when she asked me to. She, too, was overcome by frustration and told me I had to visit the village elder."

"The leader of the village? That doesn't sound so bad," said Arthur.

"Yes, but that only happened to children who were really bad, and the punishments were severe - usually you'd get a switching. But most of all, I was embarrassed that I had misbehaved so badly that I was being sent to the elder." Merlin hung his head. "I screamed and kicked and bit my teacher, as I did not want to go. My anger triggered my magic, which invisibly blanketed the other children in fear, making them feel exactly what I was feeling."

"You could do that, even when you were that young?" Arthur sounded awed.

"Unfortunately," said Merlin. "My teacher brought me right away to the elder's hut. It took them both a long time before they could calm me down - they had to let my tantrum run its course. After I quieted, they fetched my mother and I had to explain to her what I'd done. Seeing the disappointment on her face was far worse than any physical punishment that would come later."

"Huh," said Arthur. "I probably had tantrums at least once a day when I was that age. It was a long time ago. I wouldn't worry about it," the king said bracingly.

"Yes, but you didn't have magic," Merlin reminded him, not holding it against Arthur that he didn't understand about the tantrums. Being the prince, he must not have been punished for such behavior. "When I came back to school the next day, my teacher made me apologize to all of the students for scaring them. I was overcome by guilt. Ever since then, I've put a tight hold on my magic. I managed to keep my anger in check before I had the trouble with the poultices."

"Did you ever figure out what had caused your tantrum?" Arthur wondered.

"Never," said Merlin, sounding weary.

"You have such a vivid memory," said Arthur, sounding impressed. "I have few memories of my childhood."

"Well, I remember that one because it affected how I lived the rest of my life," said Merlin. "I'll never forget it. It was the first day of winter and the first snow had already blanketed the ground."

"Really?" Arthur was astounded. "What a coincidence! The day I had my choking accident was the first day of winter too. I know because my father always made a toast in my honor every year on that day, to honor my life."

"Wait…" Merlin stared at Arthur, dumbfounded. "I'm four years older than you. If our days and times are correct, it seems that we had these incidents on the exact same day."

"What are the chances of that?" Arthur breathed.

But the sorcerer was way ahead of him. "What if I mentally felt your distress?" Merlin wondered. "What if I experienced your fear as if it were my very own, which triggered the full blown tantrum?"

"_Mer_lin," said Arthur, rolling his eyes. "Come on. The chances of that are-"

"Why not?" Merlin challenged. "We have a very strong mental bond. You know this."

"_Now _we do," said Arthur. "But we never even _met _each other as children. You grew up in Ealdor, while I was here in Camelot. We didn't know each other existed."

"But even as a child, I was a powerful warlock," said Merlin. "It's possible that I sensed you from a great distance. Our destinies have always been intertwined."

"Do you really think that's possible?" Arthur asked.

"I think it's a likely explanation for my behavior," said Merlin. "I was scared of losing you, even if I couldn't put a reason behind that fear at the time."

"Then perhaps it's true," said Arthur. He knew better than to argue when Merlin made remarks like that, even if he didn't quite understand the logic behind them.

Merlin smiled. He liked to think that his magic had always been sensitive to Arthur's mind, even though they'd grown up in different places, at different ages.

"I love you, Merlin," Arthur said softly. "I know that growing up with magic must've been difficult. You didn't know what was happening to you, and you were told that it was something you had to hide."

"Yes," said Merlin. "At that age, my magic would manifest whether I liked it or not. Thank goodness I managed to master it before anyone truly got hurt." That was when he remembered what he'd done to Arthur. "I didn't mean to remind you of…" The sorcerer trailed off.

"Merlin - don't," Arthur said sternly. "I forgave you for the incident with the poultices a long time ago."

"But-"

"But nothing," Arthur snapped. "It wasn't your fault. Neither was your tantrum. Alright?"

"I made a bad choice. Both times," Merlin said with a catch in his voice.

"It doesn't matter," said Arthur, changing tactics. Instead of being firm, he tried to soothe Merlin, to make him realize how much he was loved. Merlin responded better to that kind of treatment. "We all make mistakes. Especially when we're children."

"I couldn't afford any mistakes," said Merlin. "Any more slip ups and I could've been reported to the authorities."

"But that didn't happen," Arthur reminded him. "You're safe now. You're done with that chapter of your life. You've moved on."

"I have," Merlin realized, it dawning on him that he had a better control over his magic than he'd ever had previously.

"And you've got me - forever." Arthur beamed at his warlock, trying to reassure him. "You've taught me so much, about magic, about fairness, about love."

"And you have taught me about patience - having to put up with a prat like you was rather trying at times," said Merlin, trying to fall back into their normal banter.

"Like you were any better," Arthur retorted. "You were the_ worst_ servant I've ever had."

"Thanks," said Merlin, the corners of his lips lifting in a tiny grin.

Arthur nodded at him. "Anytime."

Then he pulled Merlin out of bed. They had a full day ahead of them, where they'd both accomplish great tasks and work towards peace throughout the kingdom. But then they'd return to their chambers at the end of the day and hold each other, and do it all over again. Arthur wouldn't have it any other way.

End Bonus Chapter


	50. Bonus Chapter 13 - Merthur Between Lives

Disclaimer: Merlin is not mine.

.~.

Bonus Chapter 13 - Merthur Between Lives

A/N: This is a bit different from my usual fare. People are always writing stories about Arthur and Merlin being reincarnated in the future, but I don't know of any that explain what happens to them when they are _between_ lives. Hence, this. I've watched a lot of movies and read a lot of books about what people think Heaven (or whatever you want to call it) is like after having near death experiences. This is my take on it.

.~.

Those few mortal souls who have travelled to the Higher Realms and back have tried to describe them to their fellow humans, but words cannot do them justice. Part of this reason is because when you live in the Higher Realms, you can mold your reality into anything you like. You could reside in a calm, sprawling forest with redwood trees that stretched high into the clear blue sky. You could live on a beach, with violet waves lapping at the sand, wrapped in warmth streaming down from the summer sun. You could stay in a frozen world bathed in snow and ice without the discomfort of the bitter cold. You could live in a world all your own, if you wished to have solitude. Or, if you wanted company, you could live in a city of light and interact with the other fellow energy beings that resided there.

These beings could take any form they wished, human or otherwise, but their default was a shimmering orb of pure energy. These orbs had varying sizes and shades of colors, and no one was exactly like another. Many of the orbs liked to travel in groups or in pairs, with those they had known from past lives.

One such pair was floating together through the stars, experiencing the intimacy of joining their essences. They had no names at the moment - they didn't need them as they were identified by their unique energy signatures. This pair had been residing in the Higher Realms for some time. While they enjoyed the peace and the pure love that coursed through them and all of their fellow beings binding them together with the Source, they both agreed that the peace could get a bit boring. Now that they'd had plenty of time to rest since their last assignment, they were ready to take part in a new challenge, to begin a new incarnation.

"Ahem. We've been summoned," said the silver orb, signaling for them to separate as they both received the message telepathically.

"Finally!" the golden orb exclaimed. "Peace and quiet here is alright for awhile, but I'm dying to go on another adventure. I want to experience life in a human body again, and all the pleasures it entails."

"That's not the reason why we incarnate," the Silver one scolded. "We're supposed to use that time to grow spiritually, and learn to help others and work towards peace on whatever world we're on."

"Why can't I do both?" The Golden one countered.

"You're unbelievable." The Silver one bristled while its golden counterpart shone with laughter.

"And yet, you still love me."

"Yes." The silver one would never feel complete without its golden companion, and the reverse was true.

"You won't agree to a mission unless I'll be there too, right?" The Golden one's question was unnecessary.

"It will be like we always do - we protect each other."

"Let's try not to die in battle this time, though," the Golden one said with a shudder. "It was quite traumatizing until we made it back up here and went through detox. It always takes awhile to acclimate to the higher dimensions after being stuck in the lower realms, and that time took the longest."

"Agreed," said the Silver one. "I never want to watch you die like that again."

.~.

They reported to the Teacher's residence, eager to receive their new assignments, which were missions to worlds which were still shrouded in separation.

"Welcome," said the Teacher as they entered his home, which today was a medieval castle, complete with turrets and colorful banners of crimson and gold. "I have selected a mission for the both of you. Of course you may incarnate on whatever planet you wish - this is only a suggestion. However, after reviewing your history, you both seem partial to learning your lessons on the planet known as Earth. Is that correct?"

"Yes," said the two.

"These are some of the most difficult missions we ever give," the Teacher cautioned. "I must remind you that, on Earth, you're completely cut off from the Higher Realms and all who reside here. You have no idea that we exist, or that your life has any meaning other than what you make of it. You believe that your planet is the only one in the universe which has intelligent life. You're taught that death is the end, unless you choose to believe in some form of religion which carries both truths and lies about us. It is a hard life to live. It is often fraught with fear, betrayal, and heartbreak. Are you certain you're up to the challenge?"

"We'll be fine. We've done this many times before," the Silver one assured him. "We can do it again."

The Teacher handed them their dossiers on their new identities. Without further ado, they assumed the human forms at the ages in which the two men were destined to meet.

"Hey, look at me!" The Golden one morphed into the young adult form of his new human host. He inhabited the form of a strong, muscular young man, with striking blue eyes and golden hair. He caught a glimpse of himself in a nearby mirror. "I'm gorgeous." He smirked at his companion. "Wouldn't you say so?"

"Why do _you_ always have to be the attractive one?" The Silver one complained, as he assumed his new form. "I can't even grow facial hair at this age." His form was tall and lanky, with thick dark hair and discerning blue eyes.

The Golden one glanced down at his file and scowled. "There's a lot of extraneous information on here that I'd rather not read. Can you just sum up what we're supposed to do?"

"We really need to work on your interpersonal skills," said the Silver one, giving the Teacher an apologetic shrug.

"Your mission, should you choose to accept it," said the Teacher, "is to assume the forms of these men, and carry out the deeds detailed on the prompt. Which means, yes, you have to read it. "

"Fine. Let's see." The Golden one skimmed the files. "My name will be Arthur Pendragon and I will become king of a place called Camelot. Also, I'm to be quite skilled with a sword and have a command of tactical knowledge. Brilliant!"

"And I'm to be called Merlin Emrys, and I'll be gifted with sorcery. I'm to be Arthur's secret protector from all who seek to destroy him and all he stands for." The silver one frowned. "Is magic allowed on Earth during this time period?"

"That is up to you," said the Teacher. That probably meant no. Merlin hated it when the Teacher was purposely vague, as higher dimensional beings were wont to do. He was no help at all. Merlin would've preferred a straight answer.

"So on what date do we meet each other this time?" Arthur asked. "It's not on the prompt."

"Are you sure you just didn't want to read everything?" Merlin teased.

"Of course I'm sure!" Arthur glared at him. "It's not on here. Why isn't it on here?"

"Fate can only grant so much," the Teacher reminded them. "It is predestined that you will cross paths, but you may not even interact. You could pass each other on the streets, and never realize your connection. At this time, we don't know on what day this will occur. The future is always in motion."

"There must be something you can do! We can't risk a repeat of our second to last mission, where we never had a chance to speak to one another and then all hell broke loose a year later," said Arthur. Then he made an ultimatum. "We won't carry out this mission unless you allow our soulbond to exist on Earth."

The Teacher blanched. "Are you sure that's a good idea? We rarely permit it, as it's a terrible risk. On Earth, this does not translate to a bond of mere friendship, but it pertains to romantic love."

"Yes, that's the idea," said Merlin. He and Arthur exchanged a long glance that spoke of their deep affection for each other. In past lives they had almost always been secret romantic partners. More often than not, if there had been a complication with class, race, or gender difference, those lives had ended in tragedy.

The Teacher continued, "If we allow your bond to manifest on Earth and either one of you deny your love for each other, you'll both become depressed, experience debilitating headaches, and suffer from long bouts of loneliness. It will detract from your drive to carry out your mission."

"But if we're soulbonded, we're guaranteed by you to have a true interaction," Merlin said. "I know that, at least unconsciously, we'll recognize each other."

"I don't know," said the Teacher. "In this life, you'll both be men. During this time period, any romantic relationship between you would be forbidden."

"I always forget that about Earth when I've stayed here too long, how important gender is to the humans," said Merlin. "Gender means nothing here."

"That won't matter," Arthur assured the Teacher. "What time period is it?"

"You will incarnate in the midst of the Dark Ages."

"The Dark Ages?" Arthur frowned. "Sounds depressing."

"Yes, every planet has them," said the Teacher.

"Which Dark Age, the first or the second?" Merlin asked.

"What's the difference?" Arthur wanted to know.

Apparently Arthur needed a reminder of the pattern that most planets followed. Like most worlds, Earth's history was marred by warring tribes that led to rise and fall of many civilizations. Their first true Dark Age started with the collapse of what the humans called the Roman Empire which led to the loss of many scientific achievements and advancements as well as spiritual knowledge.

On other planets whose development was similar to Earth, this first Dark Age always came to an end during a period of enlightenment, mass communication, and creativity pertaining to the arts. Unfortunately, this renaissance period wouldn't last long and the shadow of war and separation quickly returned. The second Dark Age always came to an end when the inhabitants of that planet renounced the evils of war and established world peace. All in the Higher Realms were hopeful that this would someday come to pass on Earth.

"The first Dark Age," said the Teacher.

"Great," Arthur said glumly. "We'll be living in squalor - stuck in the middle of a paranoid, backward, and war-torn culture. Will I even know how to read?"

"As a future king, I expect you will," said Merlin. "Me, on the other hand, I'm to be born a poor peasant boy. I'll probably be illiterate," he said glumly. "How could you possibly be attracted to someone like that?"

"I will so," Arthur insisted. "It doesn't matter what form you take. Inside, you're still you. Somehow, I'll know that."

"I doubt it," said Merlin. "I'll be the one with magic, remember? When we meet, I should be able to sense our connection. The hard part will be convincing you to accept it."

"I have faith in you," said Arthur.

"Thanks," Merlin said softly.

Then Arthur advanced towards him and claimed Merlin's lips as his very own.

"Mmm," Merlin sighed as Arthur began to make his way down his neck. "_Ar_thur."

"_Mer_lin," Arthur hissed, tremors shaking his hands as he molded himself tightly against Merlin's wanting body. "It's been too long since we-"

The Teacher cleared his throat. "Gentlemen, I must remind you that I am still present."

"Oops?" Arthur looked sheepish while Merlin turned positively crimson.

The Teacher's mouth twitched with amusement. "Enjoy the pleasures of the flesh now if you must. But know that when you reach maturity on Earth, you must cultivate your relationship in order to succeed in your mission, to unite the five kingdoms and bring the return of Albion. It cannot be done without both of you," the Teacher warned. "But to me, it doesn't look like that will be too difficult. You seem to be, pardon my expression, joined at the hip." He chuckled as Arthur grinned and Merlin nodded, as it was true.

"We will not fail you," Arthur vowed. He knew that if a mission as vital as this wasn't accomplished, it would not bode well for the future of the planet. He reached out for Merlin's hand, who quickly grabbed it and laced their fingers together. "As long as Merlin and I are together, we will be unstoppable."

"Don't be too sure of yourself," the Teacher warned. "Merlin, you must keep this one humble. He may grow into a king and become a great warrior, but he will not be invincible."

"I shall remind him of that every day," said Merlin with a smile.

"Great," Arthur muttered. "And what about you, oh _magical _one? Who will keep you in check?"

"I will try to exercise control over the use of my gifts," said Merlin. "But if you think I'm exceeding my limits, please tell me so that I can correct myself."

Arthur scowled at his companion. Must Merlin always demonstrate his maturity? Arthur was mature too, thank you very much.

"Merlin has always been wise," said the Teacher. "Arthur, you would do well to listen to his advice."

"I suppose it depends on the manner of how the advice is given," said Arthur, giving Merlin a lecherous stare. "He shall have to demonstrate his exceptional powers of persuasion."

"I believe it is usually _me_ that does most of the persuading, at least according to our past lives," Merlin smirked. Then he addressed the Teacher. "He acts like he's the dominant one in the relationship, but it's the other way around."

"Merlin," Arthur growled. "Did he_ need _to know that?"

"No." Merlin sounded unconcerned with his answer.

Arthur looked affronted. "Then why did you offer that bit of information? It is false, of course."

"Of course," echoed the Teacher. "I know that you are fascinated with each other in your new bodies, but I need to give you some last instructions."

Arthur and Merlin had the decency to table their battle of wills and bring their attention to the Teacher. "You will pass through the Veil of Forgetfulness. You'll have no memory of the Higher Realms, no memory that you're souls living in human form, or that you have pledged to live out all your past and future lives together until the end of time."

"I believe I will be able to remember eventually," said Merlin. "The magic in me should know. I'll remember you, Arthur. I swear it."

Arthur hoped that Merlin would be right.

"You will be born in different places, but your paths will cross when you come of age," said the Teacher. "Are you ready to begin your next life?"

"We're ready," Merlin assured him.

"Hold on," Arthur interjected. "Before we join with our infant forms for the next life, I want us to have some time in these bodies, so we can become… reaquainted."

"Very well," said the Teacher. "We don't usually encourage such practices right before you pass through the veil, but in your case, it may prove to be beneficial. The nature of the mission is so important, that perhaps if you make a memory in this world between lives, you'll be able to remember when it matters most."

"Thank you," said Merlin, his eyes shining with anticipation. "We'll report back soon."

Merlin and Arthur quickly transported back to their home, their little piece of heaven where they usually lived. "Soon I'll have to be separated from you," Arthur whispered. "I do not wish to be."

"We will not truly be separated," Merlin reassured him. "It is but the game we all play. On Earth, we feel like we're completely alone in the world. We feel abandoned by our fellow humans, trapped by the intensity of our love, and caged by the potency of our fear. None of that is actually true - we are just immersed in that illusion. We just can't see the real true with our limited human senses, that we aren't separate from each other at all."

"You will know," Arthur said heavily. "With your magic, you'll have access to the Source Of All That Is. _You'll_ know that you aren't alone."

"That's true," Merlin conceded. "That inner knowing comes with being a sorcerer."

"Then you'll have to convince me," said Arthur. "About our destiny, about our soulbond… all of it."

"I will," Merlin promised. "Do you trust me, Arthur?"

"With all that I am," the future king responded, his eyes locking with Merlin's.

"When I find you, and I will, we are destined to meet - I'll gain your friendship and then your trust. Then when the time is right, I'll show you a memory of us. A memory so powerful that you will not be able to deny your feelings for me."

"What memory?"

Merlin gently caressed his Arthur's cheek. "The one we're about to make right now."

Arthur smirked. "Does this by any chance involve us losing our clothes?"

"How did you know?" Merlin teased as he and Arthur quickly removed their garments. Then words ceased between them.

Arthur tried to sear this moment into his memory, as Merlin gently lay him down on their bed. He never wanted to forget how Merlin sounded when he came apart in Arthur's arms. Their joining was laced with both ecstasy and urgency, with Arthur praying that he would remember his love for Merlin during their next incarnation. That was the most important thing - their love, and their determination to succeed. If they had knowledge of that, then they had a very good chance at carrying out their mission.

"I suppose it's time," said Arthur as their breathing returned to normal.

"It is," Merlin affirmed.

"I don't want to go," Arthur said, sounding plaintive.

"Yes you do," said Merlin. "You hate the complacency of these realms. You've been begging me to do this for awhile, and I'm rather looking forward to it."

"I know, but I forgot how_ different_ from here it feels when we're on Earth. In many of my past lives, I believed that if you got killed, I'd never see you again. I didn't believe in an afterlife - I didn't understand how such a thing could be possible. I was never very big on faith." Arthur's shoulders shook as Merlin tried to soothe him. "That kind of worry gnawed at me, drove me to pushing you away because my feelings were all mixed up and I couldn't make sense of them."

"Don't worry - this time I'll set you straight," said Merlin.

"What if you're captured or hurt before you have the chance?" Arthur sniffed. "If I can't get to you in time, if I can't stop people from harming you, it will destroy me."

"I'll have magic this time," Merlin reminded him.

"Yes, but having magic doesn't make you invincible. I just don't want a repeat of last time, when we were both killed in battle."

"Yes, but Arthur, all of that wasn't real," Merlin reminded him. "_This_ place is real. Our love is real and it will never die. We're going on this mission so that, eventually, the people of this war-torn planet will learn to value peace over war, to value love over fear. When that happens, they'll gradually gain access to the Higher Realms, and learn about our Universal Truths and Law of One. I believe that's worth sacrificing for, don't you?"

"Yes," Arthur firmly agreed. "You're right. I don't know why I lost sight of-"

"It's alright," Merlin cut in, giving Arthur a goofy smile. "Now, let's make good on our promise."

They instantly transported themselves to the Gateway between the worlds. As they approached the Gateway, they were enveloped by such a glorious, shimmering white light.

"This is it," said Arthur, filled with dread even as the soft light permeated his form, making it difficult to see Merlin. "We must pass through the Veil of Forgetfulness. When we wake up on Earth, I won't remember any of this, and neither will you."

"That may be, but somehow I'll always know that you're in my heart," Merlin reminded him. "I will not remember everything right away - that's how the rules of the game are designed, so we can't cheat the game and remember. But when the time is right, my magic will awaken the truth about our mission and our love. I'll just have to convince you that what I say is the truth. If I can't, then all of this will be for naught."

"You'll convince me," said Arthur, trying to sound confident while his voice caught on several of the words. "You'll _have_ to."

"I will," Merlin promised. "I love you, my Golden One."

"And I love you," Arthur whispered. "Forever."

"Forever," Merlin echoed before he pressed his lips to Arthur's forehead. Then Merlin walked through the gateway, swallowed up by the light until Arthur could no longer see anything but a silver mist.

End Bonus Chapter 13

A/N: Comments? Thoughts? Could you follow that? Was it too weird? Did you like the Merthur soulbonded through time and space?!

I'm celebrating 50 chapters of Merthur goodness on this thing. Yayyyyyyyyy!


	51. Bonus Ch 14 - Merlin is NOT the Girl

Disclaimer: Merlin is not mine.

A/N: I wanted to go into the intimacies of Arthur and Merlin's relationship and this just sort of tumbled out.

.~.

Bonus Chapter 14 - Merlin is NOT the girl

.~.

Merlin had recently been - surprise, surprise - having some difficulties in his relationship with Arthur. It seemed that they had been butting heads more than usual. He really needed to get some help from an impartial party. He decided to have a heart to heart with his best friend and queen of all Camelot - she always helped him see sense. Thankfully, Gwen had time to meet with him that morning. They met at their usual secluded spot in the rose gardens.

"Good morning, Merlin," said Gwen, as the young warlock approached her.

"Morning," he said listlessly.

Gwen sighed, patted the spot next to her on the garden bench, and got ready to listen. "What did Arthur do now?"

"He's being a prat," Merlin mumbled.

"More than usual?" Gwen asked without missing a beat.

"Haha," Merlin said sarcastically, but her remark got Merlin to smile a little, so she considered it a win. "He makes me so mad, sometimes. He keeps calling me the girl in the relationship."

"Well, are you?" Gwen asked, managing to keep a straight face. She reminded herself that she was there to help Merlin, not gain amusement from his story.

"Kind of," Merlin admitted. "But so what if I'm more in tune with my feelings than he is? That doesn't make it a bad thing."

"Of _course_ not," said Gwen, trying to sound consoling.

"And so what if I tear up when he tells me that I made him the king he is today? That's completely justifiable right?" Merlin looked at her anxiously.

"Completely," Gwen agreed.

"And so what if I cry almost every time I orgasm with him?"

"Right- _what_?" Gwen tilted her head, confused. "You cry?"

"Well, actually it's a mix of crying and crying out. Sometimes I can get pretty loud and Arthur says it sounds like I'm in pain. You don't do that?" Merlin stared.

Gwen shook her head.

"Oh no! I'm weird," Merlin moaned.

Gwen tried very hard not to laugh but didn't quite succeed. She loved it when Merlin was unintentionally funny. It was one of his quirks.

"Shut up!" Merlin grumbled. "You know what I mean. I'm obviously weird because of the whole magic thing, and now this makes me even weirder!"

"Maybe I could ask Morgana if this happens to her?" Gwen offered.

"No!" Merlin blanched. "I don't want to know any of the details of her sex life with Sir Leon. I'd never look at them in the same way again."

"Why not? You know all about me and Lance."

"That's different," said Merlin.

"Why?"

"I don't know, it just is!" Merlin screeched. "Oh no," he realized. "This is what Arthur was talking about. Now I'm being overly dramatic. I'm doomed!"

"I wouldn't say that," said Gwen.

"You're just trying to be nice," Merlin whined.

"Okay, you got me," Gwen admitted. "But it's alright to be a little dramatic, sweetie. Arthur probably finds it very entertaining."

"I'm glad all I'm good for is being entertaining," Merlin muttered.

"Now you're just feeling sorry for yourself." Gwen tutted disapprovingly.

"Wouldn't you if you had my problem?"

"Can you elaborate on it for me?"

"But it's embarrassing," Merlin tried.

"So what?" said Gwen. "I'll tell you this - I do have some intense orgasms, when I'm feeling really connected with Lance. Is that what you're talking about?"

"Sort of." Merlin blushed yet again and Gwen's heart went out to him. She wanted to help him, but she needed more information before giving him advice. Thankfully, Merlin trusted her enough to explain more.

"What I'm talking about is that, when I come, I feel ripped apart by thousands of emotions. My soul is scattered across the universe and I can become a part of the unity of the cosmos again, just for that one moment. When I'm coming down from the high, I have a hard time coming back to my body. Sometimes it's hard to breathe. Other times I'm still in the process of releasing my emotions and I can't help but cling to Arthur, holding desperately to the one person in the whole entire universe who completes me. Do you feel anything like that?"

"Wow," Gwen said softly. "To answer your question, no, I've never felt anything like what you're describing. You experience all that?"

"That and more," said Merlin. "I haven't even mentioned the part about my magic. There are times when I'm intimate with Arthur I see this glowing purple light and I-"

Merlin stopped when he noticed Gwen's wide-eyed expression. "This is freaking you out. I'm sorry, sometimes I ramble and I-"

"No," Gwen reassured him. "I'm just fascinated by it all."

"Hmph," said Merlin, crossing his arms and glaring at her.

"Alright, here's a question for you," said Gwen. "What do you think Arthur feels when he orgasms?"

"Just pleasure, I guess," said Merlin. "I've never asked him directly. He looks really satisfied, somewhat blissed out, and possibly a little drunk. He always thanks me afterwards."

"Aww," Gwen sighed. "Lance does that too, when he remembers. I don't think most men do that, though."

"No kidding. We're lucky," said Merlin. "I just wish Arthur could feel what it's like for me. It's so annoying - he comes down from his orgasm pretty quickly and he's hardly out of breath. He doesn't have to deal with emotions wrecking _his_ perfect orgasm. Whereas, with me, I'm different. Almost every time, I experience this intense feeling of longing, sadness, or heartache. But when I reach that peak and our souls connect, his love chases those feelings away. Then, when I come back to myself, I HAVE to cling to him. If he ever denied me that, if he just got up and left me by myself, I'd be lost and our trust would broken. It scares me to death, Gwen. I'm so afraid that might happen, maybe if we had a bad fight and-"

"Merlin, is Arthur a man who would ever do that to you?" Gwen asked, exasperated.

"No," Merlin realized.

"Then don't worry about it."

"Oh."

"I thought you were supposed to be the wise one," Gwen teased.

"Apparently that particular insight doesn't extend to my own personal issues," Merlin snorted. "Figures."

"Don't let it bother you," Gwen said bracingly. "You aren't any different from the rest of us, in that respect anyway. You need an outsider's point of view to help you sort through your problems."

"Good thing I've got you," said Merlin. "Sometimes I'll go to Morgana with things that have to do with magic, but I prefer to come to you. I've known you the longest and you're my best friend."

"Save for Arthur."

"Yes, that," said Merlin. "It's really nice to come to you, since I know you won't ever judge me. Morgana, she tries, but I can tell there's some judgement and fear there when I bring up certain topics. It's also nice to have someone who doesn't have magic, to get that perspective."

"Not to worry, I have absolutely no magical abilities whatsoever," said Gwen. "Some days I wish I did, but then I think about all the hardships that you and Morgana have endured and…" She shrugged. "I'm happy as I am. But back to you. I think it's normal that you want to cling to Arthur during your afterglow. That's what Lance and I do and we enjoy it. It makes us feel closer. Has Arthur ever said that he minds that part?"

"No," said Merlin. "Quite the opposite. He says that he likes to hold me afterwards."

"Good!" Gwen smiled. "So what's the problem?"

"I just think it's weird that it takes me so long to calm down," said Merlin. "Sometimes I shake uncontrollably of cold, or I have trouble catching my breath, or I feel like I'm going to faint. Arthur has to rub my back and reassure me that everything's going to be alright."

"I think Arthur probably likes that he can be there for you when you're at your most vulnerable," said Gwen. "It probably makes him feel more like the man you want him to be, your protector and all."

"And that's when I turn into a girl," Merlin groaned. "I hate that I'm so weak that I can't control that part. I've _tried _but I just can't."

"Maybe you aren't supposed to control it. Maybe you experience that because your magic amplifies what you're already feeling," Gwen suggested. "Maybe it needs that kind of release, and you're going through sort of an energetic cleansing process."

"I never thought of it like that," said Merlin, feeling cheered. "It's probably due to my magic! Maybe I _should_ ask Morgana about this."

"It couldn't hurt," said Gwen, her sunny smile reaching all the way to her dark eyes. "But about this 'girl' business, Merlin. Let me ask you something. What would happen if, after you shared a really intimate moment, you called Arthur a girl?"

"He couldn't handle it even if I said it to him in jest," Merlin realised. "Sure, if I ever did, he'd just brush me off but I know that saying something like that would really shake his confidence, so I never cross that line. This is fantastic!" The court sorcerer crowed. "This _proves_ that I'm the stronger of us in this case. Therefore I conclude that I am_ not _the girl in the relationship. Apparently, we both are."

Gwen chuckled. "I'm glad you've figured that out."

"You know, I really don't like that expression, calling someone a girl," said Merlin, making a disgusted face. "Connecting with your feminine side isn't a weakness. Saying "you're such a girl" is a powerful insult, and it really shouldn't be used against anyone."

"I couldn't have said it better myself," said Gwen. "Morgana will be so pleased to hear that you said that."

"Arthur won't," said Merlin, grinning as he imagined how that conversation would go. "But I'm going to tell him any way. I really _hate_ it when he says that - it really hurts me. It doesn't serve any purpose, other than to make him feel superior. If he wants to call me an idiot, fine. That's kind of our thing." Merlin blushed. "But him calling me a girl has a lot of negative connotations to it that I'd rather avoid."

"Good for you," said Gwen. "I know bringing that up to Arthur will take courage, but I know you can do it."

"Arthur never makes it easy for me," said Merlin. "But I enjoy the challenge."

After thanking Gwen, he about-faced and headed back towards the castle. But before he could get far, he heard a suspicious rustling noise.

"Ahem." Arthur stepped out behind a rosebush.

"How much did you hear?" Merlin asked, after he'd recovered from the shock of seeing his lover.

"Enough."

"I didn't mean for you to hear all of that." Merlin gave Arthur a guilty look.

"I didn't know you were feeling all of that," said Arthur, sounding concerned. "You should've told me earlier."

"Will you stop calling me a girl now?" Merlin pleaded.

"Yes."

"Really?" Merlin's eyes light up. "No protests at all?"

Arthur shrugged. "It's important to you. I'll probably forget and it'll slip out, I've been saying that kind of thing for a long time."

"Thanks," Merlin said quietly. "I appreciate your effort."

Arthur grimaced and turned away.

"What is it?" Merlin came up behind him and put his arm around Arthur's shoulder, who tensed. "It's alright, you can tell me."

"This isn't easy for me to say, but you're right - when I say something like that I'm usually trying to cover up that _I _did something that makes _me_ look like a girl." Arthur flushed at Merlin's incredulous expression. "I turn the tables on _you_, so that you'll be distracted and hopefully you don't figure it out."

"_Ar_thur. You don't have to hide anything from me." Merlin caught his king's gaze and calmly held it. "Our days of keeping secrets are long past. You know I won't judge you."

"I know," said Arthur. "And I appreciate your trust. But I'm still fighting many years of conditioning from my father that sharing my feelings makes me weak."

"That's okay," said Merlin. "A lot of times, it's hard for me to share how I'm feeling too."

"Let me ask you something," said Arthur, with a knowing glint in his eye. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to but I'm curious. It's about your orgasms. Are they always that intense, or is it just when you're with me?"

"When I'm with you," Merlin admitted.

"Wow, that makes me feel good," said Arthur, his chest puffing up with pride. "I'm glad that I can do that to you."

"Yeah?" Merlin said shyly.

"Yeah."

"But it's weird, Arthur." Merlin claimed. "I'm weird."

"It's you," said Arthur with a shrug. "And you're perfect to me. That's all that matters. Alright?"

"Uh huh," said Merlin, his brain starting to fog up as he felt the inexplicable pull towards Arthur just before their lips met.

.~.

End Bonus Chapter

A/N: I really hate it when Arthur calls Merlin a girl in the show, and I hate that us fanfic writers use it in our fics, just because they said it in the show. I think it's really offensive, but it's used for comedic purposes, so people don't always realize that it's offensive. I think it's almost as bad as saying 'that's so gay'. I'm very much an advocate for gender equality - well all equality really - so yeah. I didn't want to come off as preachy, but I wanted to bring it to your attention. I think that when all of us, boys and girls, but boys especially feel like they are safe to express their feelings, our relationships will be easier, and our world will be a better place. That's just the Trekkie in me though :)


	52. Bonus Ch 15 The Regurgitation Situation

Disclaimer: Merlin doesn't belong to me.

A/N: Okay, the title sounds like the name of a Big Bang Theory episode. I did that accidentally on purpose? LOL

A/N2: Warning for squick. If you don't like barf, I'd skip this one. Not as terrible as it sounds.

Bonus Chapter 15: The Regurgitation Situation

.~.

After a long, productive day teaching his students, Merlin was closing up the magic school. All of his students had left for the day, as had his apprentice Morgana. He had just put all the spell books away when George came bursting through the entrance. Merlin was surprised to see the servant, who was wheezing and coughing.

"Here, George, catch your breath," Merlin instructed, and helped him to sit down.

"I've a message for you," George choked out. His breathing began to slow as Merlin comfortingly patted his back.

'What's wrong?" Merlin prompted, a sinking feeling in his stomach as he realized from George's pinched expression that he was the bearer of bad news. _Please don't let Arthur be hurt,_ Merlin prayed. _Please don't let the bad news be about the man that I love, the man to whom I've pledged my life._

"The king has locked himself in his chambers," George relayed and Merlin's heart sank. "Apparently he's quite sick. He wouldn't let the physician in to see him, nor would he admit the queen. She ordered me to summon you at once, in hopes that you'd be able to get through to him."

"I'm on my way," said Merlin, all thought of tidying up forgotten as he brushed past George and magicked the front door open.

The court sorcerer sprinted back to the castle, all sort of worries turning over through his mind. He knew Arthur wouldn't behave this way unless it was something serious - the man prided himself of his strong image. What if it was an affliction that was fatal? What if he didn't arrive in time? What if...

He pushed those worries away as he clambered up the stairs, taking them two at a time in an attempt to get to Arthur as fast as he could. Running down the corridor, Merlin skidded to a stop in front of his and Arthur's chambers, where Gwen and the physician stood.

"Merlin, I'm glad you're here," said an anxious Gwen. "He won't let either of us in." Merlin frowned at that. He knocked on the door but there was no answer. Now Merlin was really worried.

"Arthur?" Merlin called. "It's me. Are you alright?"

After a long pause, they heard the faint words, "Go away."

"Arthur, what's going on?" Merlin asked.

"Nothing. Leave me alone." Arthur's voice was strained.

"Arthur, if you're sick, we need to take a look at you," said Merlin. "Please, let us in."

There was a long pause, until Arthur replied. "I don't want anyone to see me." Arthur's voice was muffled. "I'll be fine in a few hours."

"Let me be the judge of that," said Merlin, a determined note in his voice. "Arthur, I'm coming in."

"You can't misuse your magic like that," Arthur tried.

"I can if I believe you're in danger."

"Wait," Arthur pleaded. "I'll see you, but only you."

"Alright," Merlin sighed. "For now." He whispered a spell and the door to Arthur's chambers swung open. After giving Gwen and the physician a reassuring glance, Merlin entered the room and closed the door behind him. However, Arthur was nowhere to be seen.

Merlin reached out with his magic and found that Arthur was hiding in the adjoining room, Queen Ygraine's old chambers, which now belonged to him and Lancelot. Predictably, when Merlin tried the door, it was locked.

"Arthur, I'm getting tired of this," said Merlin, annoyance slipping into his voice. "For God's sake, quit being a prat and open the door."

"Please don't come in," Arthur pleaded. "I just want some privacy." That was when Merlin heard a retching sound. _Ah, so that explained it, _Merlin thought. _Arthur was throwing up his last meal._

Merlin realized that Arthur was embarrassed at being caught in such a 'weak' position. But that wasn't any reason for him to suffer. Merlin was confident that he could perform a healing spell on Arthur's stomach and digestive tract and then Arthur wouldn't have any more trouble. Merlin just had to figure out a way to convince him to let him in. He didn't want to have to force his way in and break Arthur's trust.

"Arthur, it's just me," Merlin began. "I've seen you in all sorts of states. I've seen you drunk, bespelled, depressed, delirious, boiling mad, and ridiculously horny. That last one is of course my favorite of your states but that's not the point," Merlin hastily said. "I know you're throwing up in there. It's alright to let me see."

"No," Arthur insisted. "I can do this myself. I-" Merlin heard the retching sound again, and Arthur's small moan of misery.

"I can perform a healing spell on you," Merlin informed him. "You'll start to feel better right away. But I have to put my hand on you - I can't just perform it from here."

"Merlin, please," Arthur said. "I don't want you to have to see this."

"Arthur, I've been emptying your chamber pots for years," Merlin said, beginning to get exasperated. "Trust me, there's nothing that I haven't seen already."

"But you're not my servant anymore," said Arthur. "I don't want you to have to deal with any of that. It's not befitting of your station as my unofficial consort." Merlin's heart was warmed to the core when he heard that, but he found that Arthur's concern was completely misplaced.

"Let me make that choice," said Merlin. "I want to take care of you."

"I don't need any help," Arthur ground out. "I can take care of myself-" Merlin heard the retching sound yet again. He then heard Arthur's tiny plaintive moan.

Merlin hated to hear the man he loved in pain. If Arthur would just put his pride aside, Merlin could help him. "Arthur, stop torturing yourself," Merlin advised. "There's no reason why you should suffer. I hate hearing you like this. For the last time, let me in!"

"I'm the king. You can't tell me what to do," was Arthur's stubborn response.

Merlin threw up his hands in frustration. "Argh!" Merlin cried. "I won't think you're weak, Arthur. I promise." But Merlin knew that his king was fighting years of conditioning from his father, to not let anyone see your weakness, less Camelot would be in danger.

Predictably, Arthur didn't say anything. Merlin decided to take a different tactic. "Arthur, if our positions were reversed, would you help me?" Merlin asked.

This question gave Arthur pause. "That's kinda gross, but I guess I would help you if you asked me to."

"There you go," said Merlin. "Now let me in."

"I can't," Arthur whispered.

"Yes, you can," Merlin instructed. "I really don't want to have to use my magic again. I don't want to abuse that power. Please, Arthur. I love you, more than anything. I want to be by your side in all things. Even when you're sick. If you really love me and trust me, you'll let me in."

A few moments went by and the door was unlocked.

Merlin smirked to himself, proud of his tactics. That certainly did the trick!

He stepped through the door. What he saw inside tugged on his heart strings. Arthur was on the hard floor, hunched over the chamber pot, which was filled with sick. A fetid stench filled the room, the strong scent a powerful assault on Merlin's senses. But the court sorcerer didn't care about all that. He went over to Arthur and took his hand in his own. The mortified king's face was pale and bathed with sweat and his body was wracked with shivers. Arthur didn't look anything like his usual self. Merlin could understand why he didn't want anyone to see him like this. But Merlin wasn't just anyone. He was Arthur's other half, and although they hadn't been formally married, Merlin took the 'in sickness and in health' vow very seriously.

"Thank you for letting me in, love," Merlin said softly. He gently pushed Arthur's bangs away from his eyes. "Let's fix this." He muttered a spell and placed his hand over Arthur's ailing abdomen. In a few minutes, Arthur began to feel a little better.

"You still might get sick a few more times," Merlin cautioned. "You have to expel all of it from your stomach. My spell prevents any further retching on an empty stomach, and decreases your discomfort."

"Anything's better than before," Arthur said, sounding weary. "I'm glad you're here, Merlin."

"I wouldn't abandon you when you needed me," said Merlin. "Even though you told me to stay away. You know, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't do that-"

Without warning, Arthur hurled into the pot. Merlin held his head while he emptied his stomach contents.

"Here's some water." Merlin magicked a glass from the nearby table and gave it to his king. "Don't drink it. Just swish it around in your mouth and spit it out. It will get the bad taste somewhat out of your mouth." Arthur did so gratefully.

"I'm going to go grab another chamber pot. Will you be alright for a bit?"

Arthur nodded. Then Merlin disappeared, and quickly reappeared with a clean chamber pot. "Here you go, in case you need it," said the sorcerer. "I'm going to take the full one and put it in the next room so we don't have to smell it. Then I'm going to tell Gwen and the physician what's going on, that it's nothing for them to be concerned with."

Merlin returned and Arthur held out his arms. Touched by Arthur's gesture, the sorcerer carefully wrapped his body behind Arthur's, giving him access to the chamber pot should he need it.

"I know I shouldn't be this weak," Arthur murmured. "But I just want you close. Is that weird?"

"No," Merlin assured him. "A lot of people feel that way about their caregivers when they're sick."

"I think I'm done," said Arthur, as his stomach began to settle.

"That's good," said Merlin. "The worst is over."

"I'm never eating anything again," Arthur groaned. "That was horrible."

"I wonder if it was something you ate," Merlin mused. "Perhaps you ingested some spoiled food or-"

Arthur cut him off. "Um, I think I just ate too much last night." He blushed at Merlin's surprised look.

'Huh," said Merlin. "Usually you're pretty good about how much you eat. What happened?"

Arthur sighed. "I'm just stressed out about this treaty with Mercia. If we don't agree on the terms, it could lead to war."

"Really?" Merlin frowned. "The last thing I heard was that the talks were going well. But I've been at school for a few days straight, and have missed several council meetings. Why didn't you tell me, Arthur?"

"I didn't want to bother you," the king muttered.

"But I'm your advisor," Merlin reminded him. "How can I advise you if I don't know there's a problem?"

"I'm sorry - I should have told you," Arthur admitted.

"Yes, you should've," Merlin said sternly. "You've got to take care of yourself, so you can be the best king you can be."

"I know," Arthur agreed. "It was a momentary lapse of judgement."

"It's alright," Merlin reassured him, tightening his arms around his king, taking care to avoid his stomach. "We all have those from time to time. Do you want to tell me about the Mercian situation."

"Can I lie down first? I'm exhausted," Arthur admitted.

"Of course." Merlin helped a limp Arthur up to bed. He decided to put the king in Lancelot's bed, as it was closer than the one in Arthur's chambers. "Under the covers you go."

"No," Arthur mumbled. "Too hot." He stretched out on the bed on top of the covers. Merlin put a pillow behind the king's head, and grabbed a cool cloth. He mopped the sweat off Arthur's brow in an attempt to cool him down.

"Thank you, Merlin," Arthur said, grabbing the warlock's hand and holding it with his own. "You went above and beyond the call of duty. Why you would do that for me is beyond me."

"I was happy to do it." Merlin smiled at his king, realizing he must look quite besotted. Arthur returned his grin, which held a promise for more after he was well again. "I'm kind of in love with you, you know."

"I'm the king, of course you are," said Arthur, but Merlin heard the words that were unsaid. Arthur had bared enough of his soul today already. The king closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. Merlin removed the wet cloth and kissed his brow.

"We'll talk about the treaty with Mercia tomorrow," Merlin whispered. "Sleep well, love. I'll be back after I eat and talk with Gwen and the physician."

Merlin was true to his word, and a few hours later, slid into bed beside Arthur. He watched his king's chest rise and fall. Then he fell into slumber, pleased that yet another wall between him and Arthur had come down.

.~.

End Bonus Chapter

A/N: What did you guys think? I hope it came off as fluffy and not gross. I think that was an intimate situation and for Arthur to eventually trust Merlin shows the amount of his trust in Merlin. Hope you liked :)


	53. Bonus Ch 16 - Arthur's Birthday Request

Disclaimer: Merlin doesn't belong to me.

A/N: Another look into Merlin and Arthur's intimate relationship.

.~.

Bonus Chapter 16: Arthur's Birthday Request

.~.

Merlin wasn't feeling well. He'd been under the weather for the past few days and hadn't the energy to do much of anything besides teach at his school of magic. So when Arthur made an offensive request of him, Merlin wasn't feeling inclined to agree to it.

"Merlin, I wanted to ask you something." The king and his sorcerer were laying on their bed in the Arthur's chambers facing each other. It was late - their dinner dishes had long since been abandoned on the table. Merlin's eyes were beginning to close, the exhaustion setting in. He just wanted to sleep.

"Arthur, I'm too tired to do anything tonight," Merlin sounded regretful. "It's not a rejection, I'm just-"

"That wasn't the question," said Arthur, a bit put out. "I know you haven't been feeling well."

"Then what's your question?" Merlin asked. Hopefully it would be something simple, and then he could get some rest. Unfortunately, when it came to Arthur, hardly anything was simple.

"I wanted to ask you about your gift to me for my birthday," said Arthur.

"Oh," said Merlin. "What do you want?"

Arthur blushed a little. "I've um, got this fantasy where you wear a special, um, costume if you will. Then you dance around and act well… you know - sexy. Then I'll get to have my wicked way with you. How does that sound?"

Merlin's stomach clenched. The last thing he wanted to do right now was prance around in a skimpy outfit and act like a whore. Why would Arthur ask such a thing of him? He didn't understand.

"Why would you think that I'd ever agree to something so degrading as that?" Merlin glared at Arthur, whose face fell. Merlin felt bad for rejecting Arthur's idea, but he stood firm. "I'm sorry, Arthur. I just can't."

"What's the problem?" The king wanted to know. "I'm not asking you to do anything in public - even though I'd really enjoy that - because I'm respecting your wishes. We've done role play before, with you being my servant and I being your master. How is this any different?"

"It just is," Merlin said stubbornly.

"At least let me explain a little more about what I want," Arthur insisted.

"Fine," said Merlin, even though it was anything but. Arthur didn't notice the warning tone in his voice and charged on ahead.

"There was this one time when I visited a place of ill repute with some friends, and saw this male performer on the stage. He put on a show for us, and eventually stripped down to a gold encrusted, erm, undergarment. It was very revealing, showing off his, well, assets. Then he removed it and I'd never been so turned on in my life. But that was a long time ago, before I even knew you," Arthur hastily interjected, trying to head off Merlin's inevitable jealous scowl. It didn't work.

"You want me to wear a revealing undergarment just so you can take it off a few minutes later?" Merlin gaped at Arthur. "That makes no sense."

Arthur shrugged. "That's the fantasy. I shouldn't have to explain myself to you, _Mer_lin."

"How would someone go about making something like that?" Merlin wondered, in spite of himself.

"Well, I'd have the tailor size you for it. Then he would make it. Not sure how, but as long as I'm satisfied with the finished product…" Arthur leered suggestively at Merlin.

"I'd have to be _measured_?" Merlin squeaked. "For an _undergarment_? I'd never be able to look the tailor in the eye again. Why would you make me undergo something like that?"

"Oh, come on, Merlin." Arthur rolled his eyes. "It wouldn't be that bad."

Merlin decided on taking a different approach. "How much would it cost to make something like that?"

"Why should that matter?" Arthur wondered, confusion written on his face. "You know we have plenty."

Merlin glared at Arthur yet again. How did he not get it? "I just can't justify spending our money on something so frivolous, when it could go to helping the people in the lower town, or funding for the magic school, or-"

Arthur cut him off. "It wouldn't be that expensive."

"You said it was going to have gold," Merlin reminded him. "That's going to be expensive."

"Merlin-" Arthur complained. "Just allow me this one indulgence - please. You know how much I hate my birthday. I was hoping that you'd help take my mind off of that for awhile."

Merlin was flooded with guilt. Every year, Arthur dreaded his birthday, as it was also the anniversary of his mother Ygraine's death. She had died giving birth to Arthur. The king still harbored some guilt of his own, as he had lived and his mother had not. Not to mention that this event was the catalyst for the Purge.

"I don't know," said Merlin. "Maybe this will give you some context as to why I'm feeling this way. I never told you about my friend Bronwyn in Ealdor, did I?"

Arthur shook his head. "No, but it sounds like I'm going to find out."

Merlin ignored him. "Her husband left her and she was left to raise two little ones on her own. She quickly ran out of money, and her only option was to get a job at a pub, where she danced for the men. Oftentimes, she'd allow a man to take her home as long as he paid well. She was forced to wear revealing costumes, adding to her humiliation."

"That's horrible," Arthur said quietly.

"Yes," Merlin agreed. "_That _is the reality of people who wear such things, Arthur. I will not allow you to turn me into your sex object."

Arthur frowned. "I would _never_ think that of you, Merlin. You're the love of my life, remember? You're my equal in all things, my best friend, lover, and confidante. If I could, I'd make you my royal consort. You know this."

"Why couldn't you have started with that instead of launching straight away into your sexual fantasy?" Merlin complained.

"Why?" Arthur looked stumped.

"Because it would be nice to remind me that you value me as a person, before you ask me to do… that."

"Of course I value you as a person. _Obviously_." Arthur gave a little pout, when Merlin did not find adorable. "You already know that, Merlin. We're soul bonded. We trust each other. I just wanted to spice up our sex life a bit. I thought I could trust you with telling you about this fantasy but you keep shooting me down."

"I know," Merlin sighed. "I'm sorry. It's just a negative bias that I have. I want to make you happy, Arthur, but I just don't know if I'd be comfortable doing that. Right now I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. Couldn't you have brought this up when I was feeling better?"

"Would that have really mattered?"

Merlin gave him a funny look. "Of course."

Arthur threw up his hands. "You're impossible. I never know what to say with you. I never know what's going to offend you. Do I have to be on my guard all the time, censoring what I say?"

"No!" Merlin vehemently answered. "Of course not. Arthur, right now you just have rotten timing. I can't imagine myself doing anything remotely sexual right now."

"I'm not asking you to! My birthday's not for three weeks!"

"I know," said Merlin. "Still."

"You are such a girl." Arthur knew it was wrong to say, but it was just habit to dole out some sort of insult when Merlin was annoying him.

"I see," said Merlin. He and Arthur had talked about this about a week ago, and Arthur had agreed never to insult him like that again.

"I'm sorry!" Arthur apologized, mortified. "It just slipped out. I didn't mean it."

Merlin decided to let that one go, too tired to start a fight. "It's forgotten," said the warlock. "I know I'm being a bit unreasonable."

"A bit, yeah," said Arthur. "But it's alright. I don't want to push you into doing something that makes you uncomfortable."

"Sometimes it's good to step out of one's comfort zone," said Merlin. "Arthur, let me think about it."

"Alright," Arthur conceded. Then he had an idea. "What if I was to procure said object? If I didn't have it made, if you didn't have to sit through a fitting…would that make a difference?"

"Of course," Merlin smiled. "What were you thinking of, perhaps asking Gwaine?"

Arthur's cheeks colored. "Well, he was the first one in mind that I thought would be able to help with this sort of thing."

Merlin shook with laughter. "I'd love to be a fly on the wall during that conversation."

Arthur gave Merlin a calculating look, ready to strategize. "What if I donated some of the money in the royal treasury to the people of the lower town on my birthday? As a gesture of goodwill?"

Merlin stared at him in surprise. "Don't you have to get that approved by-"

"I'm the king. I can do whatever I want," said Arthur, which wasn't completely true, but Merlin believed that in this case, Arthur could get away with it.

"Wow," Merlin said softly. "That's very generous of you."

"You know we need that money to pay for various necessary expenses, but I believe I can part with some of it," said Arthur. "I know that matters to you."

Merlin beamed at his king. "It does, a great deal. I… thank you. Even though I know you're trying to butter me up."

"How's that working?" Arthur asked, trying to keep the mood light.

"Pretty well," said Merlin. He grinned at his king. "You might have to do some more persuading, but I think I can make your fantasy happen."

"Really?" Arthur was flabbergasted, wondering what had led to Merlin changing his mind. "That's great!"

"Yeah." Merlin blushed. "I'm just not used to doing such things. I just can't fathom why you'd ever want to see me dressed like that. I'm nothing special to look at."

"That's not true!" Arthur protested. "You're ridiculously attractive! I tell you that _all the time_. I don't know how you don't see it."

"I guess I've just gotten so good at hiding that part of myself, much like I did with the magic," said Merlin. "I never wanted people to see me as vain, so I suppressed that part of myself as much as I could. You know how I feel about people judging others based on their looks."

Arthur shook his head. "You're more concerned about what's on the inside than what's on the outside. I _know_, Merlin. And I agree with you. But I like what's on the outside, too - very much. I want to savor that, hence the fantasy. You share that part of you with me, and me alone. Shouldn't I be allowed to enjoy every facet of you?"

"Yes, I suppose," Merlin mumbled.

"Don't you feel the same about me?"

"Yes," Merlin admitted.

Arthur grinned at him. "So it's settled."

But Merlin just had to ask. "If I'm not feeling up to it on your birthday, can we do it on another day?"

"Good lord, Merlin. How selfish do you think I am that I would ask you to-" Arthur paused mid sentence, realizing what he'd said. "Don't answer that."

Merlin chortled. "You're never selfish, my lord. Not at all."

Amused, Arthur flashed his knee-weakening smile at Merlin, who didn't melt a little inside. "Thank you, Merlin. For the first time in my life, I'm looking forward to my birthday."

"Good." Merlin reached out to Arthur for a hug, which was eagerly returned. "Now, if you don't mind, I really need to sleep."

"I know. I love you, Merlin," said the king, the sincerity coming across in his voice.

"I love you too," said the sorcerer with a yawn. Those three words made working through their challenges worth it.

.~.

End Chapter 16

A/N: Comments? I'd love feedback on this.


	54. Ch17 Lord Drumpf Gives Merlin A Headache

Disclaimer: Merlin is not mine. He is Arthur's.

A/N: I promise you'll get the sexy sequel to the last chapter in a few weeks. Here's something else to tide you over.

A/N2: I got a little political in the first page O.o. Skip it if you want. After that, it quickly gets to the Merthur h/c.

.~.

Bonus Chapter 17: Lord Drumpf Gives Merlin A Headache

.~.

Merlin had just sat through the most stressful council meeting ever. (The Council of the Round Table included Arthur, the chosen knights, as well as Morgana, Gwen, and Geoffrey of Monmouth, the old scholar.) The topic of the day was concerning a fanatical, famous fop of a man named Lord Drumpf who was gaining power and favor in the neighboring kingdom of Mercia. He supported outlandish policies and clearly wished to divide the people of Mercia for his own gain. His meteoric ascent to power troubled Merlin, who believed the man was dangerously insane.

The latest reports from the border patrols said that King Bayard was beginning to be swayed by the man and his followers, who wanted to outlaw magic and deport all the magic users out of the kingdom. And, after he achieved that goal, he wanted to build an enchanted wall to keep the magic users from coming back into the kingdom. Lord Drumpf had also been making derogatory remarks about women, people with dark skin, and strangely, people who he considered to be fat. Both Merlin and Arthur were concerned that so many of the poor Mercian proletariat were actually backing this man. They decided to do something about it, and Arthur called for a council meeting to deal with the potential future problem.

Arthur started the meeting off by explaining how terrible things could be for Camelot if this man became King Bayard's main advisor. How it would threaten the fragile peace between the five kingdoms. How it would have their neighboring kingdom regress back to the policies of Uther during the Purge. How it could incense the citizens of Mercia to want to go to war with Camelot, who was known for their acceptance of magic users. Then the king opened the floor for opinions on how to protect any Mercian magic user refugees and keep Camelot out of war, should this man gain power.

That was when things started to become stressful. Several older knights who had served under Uther (but agreed with lifting the ban on magic) as well as Geoffrey of Monmouth didn't think that this man would be a problem, that his remarks were comical at worst. They thought the best solution was to ignore him since he had made no move against Camelot. This outraged Sir Gwaine, as well as Arthur's closest knights, Lancelot, Elyan, Percival, and Galahad, who had magic. They all knew that this man was deceptively dangerous and couldn't believe that the older knights hadn't figured that out. Things quickly escalated into a shouting match. Sir Gwaine was an instigator and the older knights and Geoffrey didn't respond well to his taunts. Morgana was no better. Between them both, there was much finger pointing and insults being tossed around the table. No matter how Arthur tried, he couldn't get them to calm down for more than a few minutes at a time.

They did stop squabbling and pay attention when Merlin spoke, as they wished to hear the opinion of the most powerful magic user in the land. Merlin was absolutely convinced that this insane man would make trouble for them, should he find favor with King Bayard. He suggested that they should send envoys to the magical citizens of Mercia, and show them that they weren't alone in this fight. Sir Leon then suggested that they hold peaceful protests at places where Lord Drumpf was scheduled to appear. Arthur agreed with that idea, but cautioned against doing anything else. The last thing they wanted to do was provoke King Bayard. However, if they could remind the people of Mercia that there was no danger in allowing the magic users to continue to live as they were, that they were normally trustworthy members of the community, then perhaps this whole potential fiasco could be avoided.

Arthur dismissed them after that, wanting to go out on a positive note. Morgana headed straight for Merlin, no doubt wanting to continue the conversation about how poorly the magic users were being treated in Mercia. But Gwen noticed and headed her off, gently steering Merlin's apprentice out of the throne room. She knew that Arthur and Merlin needed this time to be alone together. Merlin gave the queen a nod of thanks and jogged after Arthur. They escaped the crowd by running off to the safety of the king's chambers.

Immediately, Merlin cast a silencing spell on the room and magically locked the doors. He didn't want anyone to disturb them, as they had planned on being intimate that night. Arthur really needed that, especially after such a stressful day. To be honest, Merlin did too. Exhausted by the events of the day, both of them flopped on the bed, ignoring their dinners and their bath.

"I've got a headache," Merlin announced.

"Ugh, me too," Arthur groaned. "That meeting was_ horrible_. The only thing that got me through it was thinking of you and what we planned for tonight."

Merlin blushed. He was looking forward to making Arthur feel good, and then Arthur returning the favor. But first things first. "C'mere, let me work on your head," Merlin offered.

"But what about you?" Arthur asked, concerned.

"I'll be fine," Merlin insisted. Merlin pressed his fingers onto Arthur's temples and slowly drew the pain away from the king and into himself. "How are you feeling now?"

"My headache's mostly gone," said Arthur. "Wow! Your magic never fails to amaze me."

"Thanks." Merlin winced. His own headache had only grown. He tried to transmute the pain but for some reason his usual methods weren't working. He gave it a few minutes, but his magic didn't kick in. Then Merlin made a really tough decision. There was just no way he could carry out his original plan, not when he was feeling this badly. "I'm really tired, Arthur," the sorcerer lamented. "I'm sorry but I'm not feeling up to doing anything tonight. I know I promised, but I swear tomorrow I'll make it up to you."

Merlin turned away from Arthur, not wanting to see the king's disappointed reaction. If it had been the other way around, he know _he'd_ be disappointed, especially if he'd been looking forward to it all day. Merlin absolutely _hated_ disappointing Arthur. He felt like he was letting down his king, even if he really did have a horrible headache. Which, by the way, was the most cliched excuse to get out of sex. Sometimes Merlin really hated the irony in his life. The last thing he wanted was to act cliche.

If only he just could convince Arthur to leave him alone, he thought he could ride out the headache on his own.

But Arthur knew Merlin too well by now, as they'd been together so long. He could tell that something was wrong. "_Mer_lin. What's going on?"

"Leave me alone, Arthur. I'm fine. I just need to sleep." Merlin said, trying to fight the pain that kept worsening. He didn't succeed. At all.

"No, you're not fine," the king insisted. "You still have a headache, don't you?"

"Yeah," Merlin admitted, not wanting outright lie to Arthur. He turned back around to face his love. Arthur didn't sound like he was going to drop this. Merlin didn't know whether to be grateful or annoyed.

"Why can't you use your magic to rid yourself of it?" Arthur wanted to know.

"I don't know," was Merlin's plaintive response. "It just usually works itself out. I don't have to consciously do anything - the magic takes care of itself. Maybe I'll get lucky and it will just go away on it's own." The warlock hoped that Arthur would drop it.

But Arthur was not so easily deterred. "How bad is it?"

"Bad," Merlin admitted. His head kept pounding. Everything was magnified - the torchlight, Arthur's voice, and the squeak of the bed as Arthur moved closer.

"Merlin! How could you let this happen? You promised to always put your own needs first, and then worry about mine." Arthur tried not to sound too angry, as he knew it wouldn't help the situation. Merlin's actions were sweet, he supposed, in a way. But they'd been through this, time and again. Arthur was starting to get tired of it.

Guilt welled up in Merlin's stomach. He had indeed promised Arthur to put his own needs first. "I didn't want you to hurt," said Merlin, which was the truth. "I'm sorry, Arthur. I thought I could handle it." The warlock winced again. "Ahh," he moaned, the pain throbbing in his head.

"What can I do?" Arthur said softly. "Can I go get you a potion?"

"Yes," Merlin said gratefully. "That should do the trick."

"Alright. You just sit tight." Arthur got up to head for the physician's quarters. He got as far as the doors, as they wouldn't open. He turned back around in confusion. "Merlin, there's something wrong with the doors."

"Oh, yeah." Merlin gave him a sheepish smile. "I locked them - with magic."

Arthur gave Merlin his patented 'you're an idiot' stare. "Well,_ unlock_ them."

Merlin reached out with his magic, but he couldn't actually use it. "I can't. I've used up all of my magical reserves."

"Then I'll call for the guards."

"They're not there," Merlin sighed. "I sent them away for the night since I thought we'd be… yeah. And don't bother shouting - no one will come. I placed a silencing spell on the room for the same reason. I think we're stuck here."

"What I wouldn't give for Morgana's help right now. Could she or one of your students help heal you?" Arthur asked.

"Yes," said Merlin.

"I could climb down the window," Arthur suggested halfheartedly, but he knew Merlin would veto that option, and he did.

"Not an option, not when I don't have my magic to catch you if you slipped," said Merlin.

"Alright, I'll deal with this myself." Arthur vowed to do his best to make Merlin feel better. "Where does it hurt?"

"On the top of my head," Merlin told him. "It might feel better if I get in the bath to relax the muscle. It's probably still warm."

Arthur dipped his fingers in their bath. Merlin was right - it was still warm. "Get in," Arthur ordered.

"Yes, _Sire_," Merlin said sarcastically. Arthur was relieved that Merlin's sense of humor was still intact. He watched Merlin stripped down. Normally, Arthur would be aroused at the first sign of Merlin's milky skin, but this was different. He was worried about his warlock and he just wanted to make Merlin feel better. He gently helped Merlin into the bath and into a comfortable position where he could recline.

"Could you pour water over my head?" Merlin timidly asked. "I think that would help."

"Of course." Arthur gave him a funny look, wondering why Merlin sounded so apologetic. "I'd do anything to help you, Merlin. You should know that." He quickly fetched a bucket and poured away. He ended up making a bit of a mess on the floor, but Merlin seemed to like it. The warm water, not the mess.

"Is this helping?" Arthur asked, as he continuously dipped the bucket and poured water over his sorcerer's head.

"Yes, a bit," said the warlock. Merlin's eyes were tightly closed and his hands were gripping the sides of the basin.

Arthur had never seen Merlin like this. It unnerved him. He felt powerless, that he wasn't doing enough to help the love of his life. If only he could get a potion - then everything would sort itself. But that wasn't an option right now.

"Can you tell me a story?" Merlin broke the silence. "It would help get my mind off things."

"Alright," Arthur agreed. "Once upon a time, there was a cabbagehead of a young peasant boy who very foolishly approached a handsome prince in the middle of training. But somehow, that idiot boy got the prince to fall madly in love with him..."

Merlin enjoyed Arthur's story about their first meeting, but for some strange reason he was growing hungry. "Arthur, can you get me something to eat?" Merlin hesitantly asked.

"What do you want?"

"Dessert," Merlin said promptly.

Arthur didn't ask why, he just did what Merlin asked. "Here, you can have my dessert and yours." Arthur brought over two chocolate torts. Merlin quickly devoured them.

"Aren't you hungry?" Merlin asked.

"I'll eat later," said Arthur. That wasn't a no. In Arthur-speak, it was an 'I'd rather focus on you, Merlin'. Merlin, in his pain induced haze, was touched by Arthur's response.

"I'll bet this wasn't how you expected to spend tonight, huh?" said Merlin.

"No, but that's alright," said Arthur. "Don't worry about it. It's not like you meant for it to happen."

"I'm-"

"Don't you dare say you're sorry!" Arthur ground out.

"Not so loud," Merlin whimpered.

"Sorry," Arthur whispered.

"Now who's saying they're sorry?" Merlin tried to smile but it came out as a grimace.

By now the water was growing cold.

"I think I want get out now," said Merlin. "It's getting chilly."

Arthur went to grab a towel and gave it to Merlin to dry himself off with. Then the king helped Merlin out of the bath and into his nightclothes. He also used the towel to dry Merlin's hair. His fingers traced Merlin's cheekbones before he placed a kiss on Merlin's brow.

Arthur had to ask. "Does it still hurt?"

"Yes," Merlin admitted.

"What can I do for you?" Arthur inquired.

"You can try rubbing my head," Merlin said.

"On the top?"

"No. Just above right between the eyes on my forehead," said Merlin. "Right where you just kissed me."

"Whatever you need," said Arthur. He gently placed his two forefingers over the middle of Merlin's forehead and pushed in what he hoped was a soothing, circular motion.

"Mmm," Merlin muttered. "Feels good." He lost himself in Arthur's ministrations. He put Drumpf out of his mind, focusing only on Arthur and the pure love he had received that night.

.~.

Arthur guessed that it had been at least an hour before Merlin showed signs of feeling better. He was awake and alert, and his headache had finally rescinded.

"You should eat your dinner," Merlin suggested.

Arthur was in no mood to argue. He tucked into his chicken and vegetables. He was happy to see Merlin do the same. "Do you know why your head hurt in those two particular places?" Arthur wanted to know.

"I have a theory," Merlin said softly. "But it's magical-mumbo jumbo. You've never been interested in-"

"Tell me," Arthur insisted.

"Alright," Merlin sighed, hoping this wasn't a bad idea to give Arthur more ammunition with which to tease him. "Those two spots I mentioned are right where there are, erm, let's call them energy centers. The highest two centers are right above the crown of my head, and on my forehead right above my eyes. There's some debate in the magical community if there are seven or eight total of these but…" Merlin trailed off. "This is boring you."

"No," said Arthur, not completely convincingly. "I just… well I don't understand how it works. And then there's the fact that it doesn't apply to me at all."

Merlin gave him a funny look. "Sure it does. We all have these energy centers. It's just that magic users can feel them if they're open. People without magic usually can't feel it."

"Really." Arthur gave him a doubtful look.

"Yep," said Merlin. "Us magic users, we're not all that different from you."

"If you say so," said Arthur. He and Merlin shared a thoughtful smile. Arthur had his world of sword-fighting, politics, and running the kingdom. Merlin had his world of based in magic, and teaching his students. Sometimes those worlds intersected, and sometimes they did not. But even if Merlin and Arthur didn't always understand where the other one was coming from, they still respected each other. It was one of the many things that made their relationship so strong.

"You were especially attentive to my needs tonight. Thank you," Merlin said shyly.

Arthur frowned. "Are you saying I'm_ not _always attentive to you?"

Merlin rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean, Arthur. Just accept the compliment!"

"Thank you, Merlin," the king said seriously. "I always want to be the one to take care of you. But I can't do this all the time. You werelucky I don't have anything to attend to early tomorrow morning."

"I swear, this rarely happens," Merlin promised. "Next time I feel a really bad headache coming on, I'll go and ask for a potion."

"Good," said Arthur. "I don't want to see you hurting like that again if you can help it. And next time, for the love of God, take care of yourself first!"

"I'll try." Merlin grinned at him, gracing his king with a mischievous smirk as he knew his remark would incense him.

"Argh! _Merlin_!" Arthur tackled him and started a tickle fight until Merlin promised to look after his own needs first and then worry about Arthur's. This time, when he promised, he meant it. Maybe.

The End

.~.

A/N: You know that Drumpf hates magic users, right? I think that's implied in his policies of hate. One more reason not to vote for him. LOL. I called him a 'fanatical famous fop'. He once claimed that "I have the best words". Who has the best words now? And I even used alliteration. *sticks tongue out*

A/N2: But what did you think of the Merthur? Wasn't Arthur a sweetie? 3 I took a lot of this from my boyfriend helping me when I had a really bad headache. He really is that wonderful!

A/N3: Also, when the song 'Never Forget You' comes on the radio, it reminds me of Merthur. Anyone else think that?

I will never forget you

And you will always be by my side

From the day that I met you

I knew I'd love you til the day I die

And I will never want much more

In my heart I will always be sure

Am I right?


	55. Ch 18 Arthur's Sexy Birthday Surprise

Disclaimer: Merlin isn't mine. He belongs to Arthur because they are soul bonded and are true loves and stuff.

A/N: I promised you guys a sequel to "Arthur's Birthday Request". So here it is! This one has a lot of "fun activities". I think you'll enjoy it. I know I sure did! Warning: It really pushes the Teen rating boundaries, just FYI. I think you guys can handle it.

.~.

Chapter 18: Arthur's (Sexy) Birthday Surprise

.~.

"Happy Birthday, love! Rise and Shine!" Merlin threw open the crimson curtains and Arthur was greeted by the unwelcome sight of sunlight streaming in through his window.

"Ugh, _Mer_lin," the king complained, his voice heavy with sleep. "Couldn't you have given me a better greeting than that?"

"There's nothing wrong with that greeting," Merlin protested.

"I_ hate_ my birthday," Arthur groaned. "Why did you have to bring it up?"

"Excuse me, I think I have the right to wish the man I love a happy birthday," Merlin said indignantly.

"Maybe, but did you not remember the fact that my birth killed my mother, which instigated my father's purge on magic that ended up killing hundreds of innocent people? Who in their right minds would want to celebrate _that_?" Arthur glared at Merlin, as if it was his fault that those horrible things had happened.

"I just thought you'd be happy about getting your birthday present from me." Merlin gave him an exaggerated wink. "_You_ know…"

"Oh yes." Arthur smirked, remembering Merlin's promise to...spice things up. "That."

"See, your birthday isn't going to be so bad." Merlin tried to get Arthur's mind off his depressing thoughts.

Arthur gave him a pointed look. "_Well_, Merlin, I'm ready."

"Not until tonight, clotpole," Merlin affectionately reminded him. "You're just going to have to wait until then."

"Can't blame me for trying," Arthur grumbled, but then he gave Merlin a true smile, reminding the sorcerer just why he was going to so much trouble to do something that could be potentially humiliating.

"Come on," said Merlin, grabbing Arthur's hand and dragging him out of the bed. "The sooner you get started with your day, the sooner we can get back and have our own celebration." Merlin waggled his eyebrows at his king in a failed attempt to be sexy. Arthur just snorted, but he appreciated Merlin's strange sense of humor.

"If you want, I can dress you today," Merlin offered.

"What's the big occasion?" Arthur asked, before he realized what he was saying.

"Oh, I don't know… how about_ it's your birthday_," said Merlin, amused. "That makes you king for the day."

"But I'm the king everyday," Arthur unnecessarily pointed out.

"Yes, but on your birthday I'll actually treat you like one," said Merlin. "Whatever you want, I'll do."

"_Really_?" Arthur gave him a predatory grin.

Merlin swallowed hard. "Within reason."

"How about you _un_dress me first?" Arthur leered.

Merlin_ had_ promised, so he happily did exactly as the king asked. Not that it was a hardship. One thing led to another and Merlin used his mouth and his magic to blow Arthur's mind. The king clutched at Merlin as he went over the edge. It took a few minutes for Arthur to be able to function again.

"Merlin, I take back every insult that I've ever given you." Arthur's voice hitched as he drank in the sight of a very proud warlock. Merlin was thrilled that he could affect Arthur like that, to make him lose control. In a way, it was very humbling that Arthur trusted him that much. They lazily kissed for a while, losing track of time as they reaffirmed their love for each other.

Needless to say, Arthur and Merlin were late for the council meeting. No one said anything about it, nor did they wish their king a happy birthday, as per Merlin's prior instructions. Gwen filled them in, and the meeting continued as planned. The meeting lasted through the afternoon, with them only taking a small break for lunch. Arthur forgot all about his birthday as he focused on matters of state.

.~.

Unfortunately, Arthur couldn't escape the evening feast and celebration planned in his honor. However, after eating his favorite dessert - cherry pie - he was in good spirits, even after the birthday toasts.

"You seem cheerful," Merlin noticed as he tucked into the last of his lamb stew. He was seated at Arthur's right, in the place of honor that was reserved for his position as Court Sorcerer. He lowered his voice and asked, "are you imagining how tonight will go down with us?"

"That," Arthur admitted. "Along with Morgana's good news. Her vision about Lord Drumpf and how he would eventually fall out of favor with the Mercians before he did any real damage - it's a relief. Like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders."

Merlin didn't dare comment of the fact that Morgana's visions didn't always come true, although usually they did.

Arthur had guessed what Merlin was thinking. "I know that what she Saw is not a certainty. But it is encouraging."

Merlin nodded noncommittally.

"I'd rather focus on being thankful for what I _do_ have, rather than dwell on an uncertain future," Arthur continued. "There's you, of course." He and Merlin shared a secret smile when they thought no one was looking. "There's Gwen, Lancelot, and their son. Morgana and Leon. Elyan, Percival, Gwaine, Galahad, and the rest of my trusted knights. My health, and yours. All my loyal subjects. Your magic school. A bountiful harvest. Our peaceful relations with our neighboring kingdoms. I couldn't be more grateful."

"Indeed," said Merlin, smiling fondly at Arthur. "We have accomplished much together."

"I couldn't have done it without your help," Arthur admitted.

"I was happy to do it. I once told you that I'd gladly be your servant until the day I die. I still mean that," said Merlin.

"I know," Arthur said, touched by Merlin's declaration. "But I'd rather have you by my side. Besides, you were a rubbish servant anyway."

"Hey!" Merlin protested.

Arthur quickly redeemed himself. He leaned over and whispered into Merlin's ear, not caring if anyone saw. "If someone had told me years ago that I'd be in love with my _male_ court sorcerer, I would've said they were crazy. Yet here we are."

"I'm right where I belong," Merlin quietly proclaimed. They clasped hands under the table, unseen by the crowd.

Soon, it was time for them to adjourn for the night. Arthur thanked everyone for their kind words of support. Then he and Merlin left together. As soon as they turned the corner, Arthur yelled "race you!" He sprinted off in the direction of their chambers. But Merlin was not to be out done. He ran after Arthur, using his magic to run at an unnatural speed. To Arthur's chagrin, Merlin easily won the race.

"You cheated," Arthur protested as Merlin gave him a smug smile and opened the locked door to their chambers with magic.

"I am the most powerful warlock in the land," Merlin reminded him as he closed the door behind them and magically locked it. "I was simply using all of my resources."

"Uh huh," Arthur said knowingly. He flopped on the bed before turning over and sitting up against the headboard pushing a few pillows behind his head. "So, _Mer_lin…about my _birthday present_..."

Merlin inwardly groaned. "I'll need another glass of wine before we start." He needed a bit of liquid courage if he was going to pull this off. He found an empty goblet that would do. He waved his hand over it, his eyes flashed gold, and then he took a long gulp of red wine He quickly guzzled down the rest, determined to give Arthur a good show. Even if it made him uncomfortable, to Merlin it was a small sacrifice. Arthur was worth it and he deserved to have what he wanted on his birthday. "Alright," said Merlin, determined now. "Let me go put on my costume and-"

"Wait," Arthur ordered.

"What?" Merlin asked, confused.

"Come here," the king insisted.

Merlin did as he was told and walked over to the edge of the bed, taking a seat next to Arthur.

"Get in," Arthur commanded. He pulled back the covers and Merlin crawled into bed. Arthur followed and positioned his body behind Merlin's in a spooning position, swinging a protective arm around his warlock as he held him close. Merlin relaxed in his lover's arms, happy for a bit of downtime to collect his thoughts before he was to perform.

"Merlin?"

"Ymph?" Merlin's voice was muffled by a pillow.

"I know it's my birthday, but you don't have to do this if you don't want to," Arthur said softly. "I know you have some reservations about it."

Merlin didn't answer, as what Arthur said was true.

"But I just wanted to remind you that I won't think differently of you afterwards. You're the love of my life, Merlin. I could never think of you as just a sex object. This is just a fantasy of mine. But if you don't think you're ready, I will still love you the same. I love _you_, Merlin. And not just because you're gorgeous and have a great body, even though you do. I love you because you're kind, and smart, and brave. I love you because, if you wanted to, you could use your magic to take over the kingdom but you wouldn't even consider such a thing. Instead, you chose to serve and protect me, even when I got all the credit for many of your magical exploits. I don't know what I did to deserve you, but now that I have you I'm never letting you go. So this is your choice, Merlin. You're in complete control."

Merlin turned over and smiled at Arthur, touched by the king's little speech. "Thank you. I think I'm ready. I'm just afraid that I'll be so embarrassed I'll lose my nerve. I'll bet that sounds dumb to you."

Arthur squeezed Merlin's hands. "It's not embarrassing if it's just us. This is between you and me. There's no need to be embarrassed. But it's fine if you do. Alright?"

Merlin frowned, as if something just occurred to him. "You're not going to tell the knights about this, are you?"

Arthur blushed, because that was exactly what he'd been planning on doing. Not to mention those times in the past that he'd done so, about their colorful sex life. "Well…"

"Arthur!" Merlin cried sitting up and clutching the sheets. "How _could_ you?"

Arthur desperately tried to backpedal, wanting to stay out of the proverbial doghouse. "I-I won't tell them anything if you don't want me to. I promise!"

Then Merlin let out peals of laughter. He collapsed onto the bed, incredibly amused with himself. "It's fine, Arthur." His blue eyes sparkled with mirth. "I tell Gwen everything, so it's only fair that you get to tell the knights."

"Really?" Arthur let out a sigh of relief. "Oh good. I thought you were mad at me."

"Of course not! I was just teasing," Merlin insisted.

"You sounded so serious! I couldn't tell the difference. That was wasn't very nice, Merlin." Arthur gave that pout that Merlin secretly thought was ridiculously hot.

"Oh, because you've _never_ been mean to me," said Merlin.

"Touche," said Arthur, for it was true.

"Alright, I'll stop," Merlin relented. "You do make it so easy sometimes."

"The things I have to put up with, with you," Arthur grumbled, but he shot Merlin a grin and the warlock knew that he was forgiven. "Now, where's my present?" Then Arthur caught himself. "That is, if you want to," he added.

"I want to," Merlin said firmly. "It's stashed in my room."

Arthur had made sure that Merlin's flashy undergarment had been ready a few days before Arthur's birthday. The official reason was because he wanted to make sure it fit, but Merlin knew that Arthur wanted him to have a chance to get used to the idea. Merlin had blanched when he saw how little it covered. Then Arthur reminded him that he'd seen Merlin naked millions of times, so why did it matter? Merlin bit back a retort about how absurd the whole thing was, why Arthur wanted him to wear it if he was only going to take it off a few minutes later. But Merlin played nice. He did want to positively reinforce Arthur's confiding in him about his bedroom fantasies. Once Merlin got used to the idea, he was secretly looking forward to making Arthur's fantasies come true.

"I'll just go and change," said Merlin. "Be right back!" Before he disappeared, he gave Arthur an exaggerated wink which looked a bit like a face spasm, but Arthur liked it because it was so _Merlin_. The man was the most powerful warlock in the world, but he just couldn't manage a simple gesture.

Arthur stripped down to his underwear and sat in bed waiting for Merlin. The minutes crawled by, and still no Merlin. Perhaps his sorcerer had gotten cold feet or needed more reassurance? Arthur thought he'd done a good job at that, but he knew how sensitive Merlin was about such things. The king decided to wait just a little longer before going to check up on Merlin. He was then rewarded for his patience.

Merlin slowly entered the room, wearing nothing but the golden undergarment that Arthur had commissioned for him. The shiny, jewel encrusted material barely covered his genitals, with a patch of dark curls peeking out the front. Merlin met the king's eyes and calmly turned around so that Arthur could see in the back. The thong showed off his firm ass, with nothing but a tiny golden string between his cheeks. It was a little uncomfortable to wear, but it was all worth it to Merlin when he saw Arthur's reaction.

"God, Merlin." Arthur's voice had caught in his throat as he drank in the welcome sight of his love in the skimpy outfit that he'd picked out. "You're beautiful."

"It's all for you, Arthur," said Merlin, which was the first thing that had come to mind. "Only you." He was relieved that Arthur hadn't laughed at him. Not that he thought Arthur would, but one never knew until the scenario played out.

Arthur swallowed hard. He knew Merlin would look fetching, but he hadn't expected this. Merlin wasn't blushing and stammering excuses why this was ridiculous, he wasn't covering his front with his hands in an attempt at modesty, and best of all, he wasn't lecturing Arthur on the dangers of objectifying people. He just proudly stood there, letting Arthur stare as much as he wanted. Merlin had risen to the king's challenge. He was also starting to make Arthur rise as well.

"Are you ready?" Merlin asked.

"Huh?" Arthur had been staring at Merlin's milky white chest, at his pert nipples, but mostly at the bulge tenting in his undergarment.

Merlin smiled. "I'll take that as a yes." Then his eyes flashed as he muttered, "Sonorous."

Slow, sensual music floated throughout the room, blanketing Arthur a mix of flute and drums as Merlin began to sway to the beat. Arthur wondered how on earth Merlin was making the music, but those thoughts quickly evaporated as he watched Merlin dance.

Merlin twirled and jumped, every once in awhile moving closer to reach for Arthur, only to move away at the last second, denying Arthur his touch. The warlock was sure in his movements, confident as he gave in to the rhythm. As time wore on, his movements became more suggestive. A shake of the hips here, a pelvic thrust there. He graced Arthur with a sultry look, and reached for him again, this time lingering to give Arthur a quick kiss.

Shocked, Arthur couldn't believe he'd never seen this side of Merlin before. This mischievous side, where Merlin would coyly beckon for him to join in the fun. Arthur would've long ago gathered Merlin into his arms and taken what he wanted, except he wanted to keep watching the show. But all good things must come to an end. The music gradually dissipated, and shy Merlin resurfaced.

"What'd you think?" Merlin asked, wringing his hands and hoping that Arthur's review wouldn't be too scathing. He thought the king had enjoyed it, but it was _Arthur_, so he might've had high expectations that Merlin hadn't been able to fulfill.

"That was the hottest thing I've ever seen," Arthur admitted.

"Even hotter than the dancer at the pub that inspired all of this?" It tumbled out of Merlin before he realized what he was saying. Luckily, Arthur didn't let it spoil the mood.

"Much," said the king. "You know why?"

Merlin shook his head.

"Because it was _you_. Merlin, I had no idea you could dance like that!"

"Did I do alright?" Merlin asked, sounding a tad apprehensive.

"Are you kidding me?" Arthur rolled his eyes. Wasn't it obvious to Merlin that he'd enjoyed the performance? He'd been practically salivating the whole time. "That was fucking amazing! How did I not know this about you, Merlin?"

Merlin shrugged. "You never asked."

"Yet another secret you've been keeping from me," Arthur teased.

"Not really. I haven't danced in a long time," Merlin admitted. "Not since I learned back in Ealdor. I did practice a few times in the magic school after everyone had left. I wanted to be good enough for you."

"Mmm, you aremore than enough," Arthur promised. "Thank you for that, Merlin. For overcoming your discomfort for me."

"You're welcome," said the warlock, with a bit of a blush.

"I must say, you have _great _technique."

Merlin chuckled. "Yes, because my technique was what you were concentrating on."

"Obviously, I was captivated by your almost completely naked body," said the king. "Which was the point of it all."

"So you like this?" Merlin sat on Arthur's lap and grinded down for mere seconds before jumping away. He smirked as the king's expression turned from one of lust to one of outrage.

"Merlin!" Arthur growled. "Don't you dare start something and not finish it. Come back here at once!"

But Merlin didn't obey. "Not yet, Sire. First, I've decided to give you a massage. I want to make sure you're… taken care of." Merlin's voice dipped dangerously low.

A massage - what a perfect birthday surprise! Arthur wondered how he'd gotten so lucky to have this man, the love of his life,_ his _Merlin. It had been awhile since he'd had a massage. Merlin used to massage his aching muscles after a long day of training. Before they had admitted their love for each other, that time of the day had been absolute torture for Arthur. He always got hard, knowing that it was Merlin, sinfully delectable innocent Merlin who was touching him. The fact that such a liaison would be forbidden between them only increased Arthur's desire for the boy. Then, after he'd gotten to know Merlin, his feelings had morphed into more than just simple attraction, and his heart had gotten involved.

From then on, he had been silently pining for Merlin. Since he couldn't confess his love - that just wouldn't be proper for a prince to love a peasant, and a male one at that - he decided to make Merlin as miserable as he was and he heaped on the insults and extra chores. But Merlin usually managed to get them done on time, to Arthur's chagrin. He didn't know Merlin was using magic at the time. Arthur would vent his frustrations on Merlin, and the servant never knew how Arthur truly felt about him. Unbeknownst to Arthur, Merlin was also struggling with his burgeoning feelings for the prince.

However, Merlin had to wrestle with demons of his own before he could admit his own attraction to the prince. He always told himself that nothing could even happen between them, because if he let Arthur get too close, the prince would eventually discover that Merlin had magic. Merlin couldn't bear to see the look of betrayal on Arthur's face, so he kept the prince at arms length. It had been even more difficult when they became friends and Merlin saw the good man that Arthur had become. Merlin had fallen hard for Arthur, and keeping that secret as well as his magic had almost been his undoing. There had been nights that he'd silently cried himself to sleep as not to wake Gaius, thinking of the man that he'd never get to call his own. Thankfully, due to a circumstance where Merlin's magic had been revealed, Merlin and Arthur had confessed their love. Deep in the heart of Camelot's forest, they'd discovered that they'd been mutually pining for each other. It had been a beautiful moment, one that neither of them would ever forget.

After they'd admitted their feelings and began their exclusive relationship, Arthur preferred to use their "alone time" to bed Merlin as often as possible, or rather, whenever Merlin was in the mood. (Arthur was always in the mood.) He'd forgotten about how much he loved getting massages from Merlin, whose magic fingers had loosened the many knots that had happily taken up residence in Arthur's back and shoulders.

"Just lay back and let me do all the work." Merlin winked at Arthur again, and this time he actually managed it. Arthur was more than happy to take Merlin's suggestion.

"How do you want me?" Arthur asked. It was a loaded question, but Merlin wasn't phased by it.

"In a prone position," said the warlock.

"_Mer_lin." Arthur sounded a tad aggravated.

"Sorry." He'd forgotten that Arthur wouldn't know that word. "On your stomach."

Arthur relented, and turned his head to the side so that he could breathe and watch Merlin.

"Where does it hurt, your majesty?" Merlin asked, procuring some massage oil that he'd magicked from the nearby nightstand.

"_Ev_erywhere," Arthur sighed with impatience. Then he rolled over to look up at Merlin. "Especially right here." He pointed at his crotch area, which had taken an interest in the proceedings.

"I'm sorry, Sire, but that wouldn't be appropriate," Merlin said firmly. "I'm a consummate professional."

"Ohhhh. I see." Arthur's cock leapt at that, because it meant that Merlin was instigating roleplay. "Consummate, huh? I would enjoy that," said the king, clearly ogling Merlin. It was a laugh, really, Merlin being a professional wearing _that_, but he played along.

Merlin, to Arthur's dismay, didn't even react. "I must insist that you turn back over. I need to work your back, as that's one of the main places people hold their tension. As a swordsman, you would be no exception."

"Very well," Arthur acquiesced. He let Merlin call the shots, for now.

"Also, I must insist on using a sheet to keep you covered," said Merlin. "I wouldn't want your royal highness to get cold."

Arthur made a sound of protest as Merlin draped an unwanted layer of fabric on him. Merlin peeled it back to uncover his toned back. The king almost mouthed off at Merlin for being such a tease but he decided to hold his tongue. He was rewarded when Merlin began with long, soothing strokes up and down his back, pausing just above his hips.

"How's the pressure, Sire?" Merlin innocently asked.

"Good," said Arthur. "You can go… harder if you want."

"Yes, Sire," said Merlin, and adjusted his pressure accordingly. Then Merlin really got into it, starting to work out the knots right at the edge of Arthur's scapula by using his elbow. "How does that feel?"

"Mmm, great," said Arthur sighed. He began to relax as Merlin loosened up his knots. "You have magic hands."

Merlin held back a chuckle. "I am a sorcerer, you know."

"Interesting," said Arthur. "You know, I used to have a servant who gave me regular massages. He was a sorcerer too."

"Really," said Merlin.

"Yes," said Arthur. "But I haven't _had _any massages lately." The king gave a rather pathetic sigh. "I do miss it."

"Perhaps your servant attends the magic school and is very busy," Merlin suggested. "Perhaps he forgot how much you enjoyed massages. I wouldn't take it personally, Sire."

"How can I not?" Arthur all but whined. "It's a great honor to massage the king. Ow!"

Merlin's eyes sparkled with amusement, as he'd let his elbow "accidentally" slip. He hadn't really caused Arthur pain, he'd just put an extra amount of pressure one of the knots without any warning. "_So _sorry, Sire. I'm afraid I'm rather clumsy at times."

"I could have you sent to the stocks for that," Arthur threatened.

"You could," said Merlin. "But then you wouldn't get your regular massages."

Arthur was quick to counter. "I could find someone else."

"Yes, but my massages come with special perks."

Arthur was intrigued. "What kind of perks?"

"You'll just have to wait until the end of the massage to find out." Merlin smirked as Arthur tried not to look too excited.

"Very well," said the king. "By all means, continue."

After a few more minutes, Merlin finished up with Arthur's back and covered it up with the sheet. Then he paused.

"What's the matter?" Arthur asked. "Go on, get on with it."

"Sire, how sore are your gluteals?" Merlin asked.

"What's that-" Arthur asked, and Merlin very nearly broke character at Arthur's cluelessness. He gently patted Arthur's rump, remembering that not everyone had his knowledge of human anatomy from his time spent studying with Gaius.

"Oh, _those_ gluteals," said Arthur. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, sometimes I work on my clients' skin, but sometimes they prefer that I work on top of the sheet. I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable, but I just wanted to ask your preference."

"I am _not_ some blushing maiden, Mer… er," Arthur cleared his throat, not wanting to address his sorcerer by name just yet. "I want to feel your hands work my muscles."

"As long as we keep this professional," said Merlin.

"Of course," said Arthur as Merlin undrapped the royal arse.

Without warning, Arthur felt a cool dribbling on his cheeks and he involuntarily flinched..

"Sorry," said Merlin. "That's just the oil." He began to rub it in and the king had to bite back a moan. He didn't quite succeed. It just wasn't fair - Merlin _knew_ how much he loved having his ass fondled. His warlock was using that knowledge to his advantage.

"Are you alright, Sire?" Merlin asked as he continued his massage.

"I'm fine," Arthur grated out. He was furious at himself for giving Merlin even the slightest bit of ammunition.

"It sounded like you were moaning. I don't want to hurt you," said Merlin. Arthur almost believed Merlin's innocent words. Almost. One of Merlin's thumbs 'accidentally' trailed down Arthur's crack to stop right before his hole, prompting the king to shudder. "Oh, I'm sorry." Merlin worried. "My thumb seems to have a mind of its own. Did I hurt you, Sire?"

"Not at all," said Arthur, vowing that he would _not_ let Merlin win this battle. "Please, continue."

Merlin kept at it for a few minutes before deciding to give Arthur a little break, as the king's legs kept involuntarily twitching. "Are your thighs sore, Sire?"

"Not really," Arthur lied. "But my feet are. I guess I'll just have to turn over so you can work them."

"If that is what your majesty wishes," said Merlin, not buying it for a second. "Here, let me hold the sheet while you turn over." Arthur did, wishing he could tear that bloody sheet into shreds. No matter - now Merlin wouldn't be able to miss the evidence of his… excitement.

But to Arthur's disappointment, Merlin just ignored Arthur's massive bulge and just focused on massaging his callused feet.

"How does that feel?" Merlin asked, biting back a grin.

"Ah.. Alright," Arthur grated out.

"Just alright?" Merlin sounded concerned. "What can I do to make this experience better for you, my lord?"

Arthur caught Merlin's eye, and he could tell that Merlin was almost to his breaking point. That was fortunate, because Arthur was way past his.

"I just… I have an itch," the king admitted.

Merlin had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing. That was all that Arthur could come up with to get things rolling? He must be feeling rather desperate indeed.

"Then I would suggest that you scratch it," Merlin said reasonably.

"I just didn't want to seem indecent," said Arthur.

"I don't understand," Merlin bit back a laugh.

Arthur brought his hand toward his crotch and began to stroke himself under the sheet, all the while never breaking eye contact with Merlin.

"Sire!" Merlin squeaked as he realize what Arthur was doing. It was very hot and it was really turning the warlock on. Arthur was playing dirty. "That's not very… professional."

"But I didn't bring you here to be professional," said Arthur, still stroking himself under the sheet. "In fact, I think I'm more than ready for my perk."

"That is very presumptuous of you, Sire," said Merlin, sounding horrified. "To think that I would…"

"You've been teasing me all night," Arthur growled. "Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about."

Merlin looked mortified. "Are you asking me to massage your…you know."

"Yes!" Arthur exhaled. "Just like you, I have a _penis_, you don't have to refer to it as 'you know'."

"Oh," said Merlin. He had to turn away to hide his laughter. Arthur's word play was really getting adorably pathetic. He filed that away to tease him about it later. "Well, I don't want word to get back to my employer that I wasn't thorough," said Merlin, pretending to consider it. "But I don't want people to think I'm unprofessional either. This is a really_ hard_ decision..."

"It's not considered unprofessional if you're massaging the king," said Arthur. "It's a little known fact."

"Really?" said Merlin.

"Of course," said Arthur, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Merlin thought about protesting, but thought the better of it when he saw the predatory look in his lover's eyes. "Well, then that's alright then," said Merlin, his shoulders relaxing with relief. "I'd better get started." Hesitatingly, he began to touch Arthur's cock through the sheet, making it twitch. "How's the pressure, my lord?"

"It doesn't feel very good doing it on top of the sheet," Arthur said honestly. "I would suggest that you remove it."

"Very well," said Merlin as he casually threw off the sheet. "I want you to be comfortable."

"And you'll need some oil to use as well," Arthur directed.

"Yes, I suppose I will," said Merlin, pouring some onto his fingers. "Are you ready, Sire?"

"Are you?" Arthur countered.

Merlin chucked as he wrapped his fingers around Arthur's cock and began to lightly squeeze the head. Arthur choked out a whimper as Merlin stroked him from base to tip. Merlin was almost too good at this, and he knew it.

"So _responsive,_ my lord," said Merlin.

Arthur directed the patented 'royal glare' at Merlin.

"You think you're so special," said Merlin, as he continued to pump Arthur's cock. "So high and mighty. The great King Arthur, reduced to this, begging for it from a lowly_ servant_." Merlin smirked, knowing that his remarks would incense the king.

"Fuck you," Arthur snarled as he bucked into Merlin's hand.

"No, Sire, fuck you!" Merlin gripped him hard, but not painfully so. "What about the boy that used to serve you all those years ago, the warlock? What ever became of him? Did you cast him aside when you were finished with him?"

"No. He never left," said Arthur and with much effort reached up to push Merlin's hand away. "He saved my life a thousand times over. Despite my best efforts to resist my feelings, I fell in love with him."

"Is that so?" Merlin breathed.

"Yes," said Arthur. "And he fell in love with me. As soon as I became king, I amended the law on magic so that his kind could be free. Then I made him my Court Sorcerer and my most trusted advisor. He is everything to me."

"I am?" Merlin whispered. All this time they had been together, and yet he still needed to hear those words from Arthur's lips, especially after what he'd done tonight.

"Always, Merlin," Arthur reassured his warlock.

That was when Merlin engulfed Arthur with his mouth, and the king almost screamed as Merlin took in all of him.

Things quickly escalated from there. Merlin brought Arthur to the brink and then evilly pulled away. In retaliation, Arthur asserted his dominance, wrapping his hands around Merlin's neck and choking the warlock as he rutted against him, knowing that Merlin could free himself with a mere thought. Arthur knew that Merlin loved that, craved it even. It was a game of trust, and nothing turned on Merlin more than offering himself completely to Arthur.

"Merlin, _please_," Arthur's voice hitched as he bit back a sob and pulled his hands away from Merlin's neck.

The warlock knew what Arthur wanted. He'd been met with Merlin's resistance to his advances all through the night. He_ needed _to lose himself in his warlock before he went mad with desire. But most importantly, he needed Merlin not to fight back - not any more.

"Alright. I won't keep you waiting any longer. Would you like me to remove this?" Merlin asked, indicating his thong.

"No, I want to do it," Arthur said hoarsely. He gently pulled down Merlin's shiny thong and held it while Merlin stepped out of it. Then they crawled onto the bed and stretched out, facing each other. Arthur very much wanted to reach out and take what he wanted, but he'd given Merlin control. He didn't know how far Merlin wanted to go tonight. Thankfully, Merlin let him know.

"Go ahead, Arthur," Merlin said softly, reaching out his hand to stroke the king's stomach. "Take me." His eyes flashed gold and Arthur knew that Merlin had prepared himself. The warlock turned over, spread his legs, and lifted his ass, presenting himself for Arthur. That sight alone caused Arthur to snap and to take Merlin hard and fast. Soon both of their moans filled the room as each one reached their peak. They clung to each other as they slowly came back down to earth.

"Merlin, I think you broke me," Arthur announced as he lay against his sorcerer, their heartbeats intermingling as they gradually slowed to normal. "Congratulations."

"You better not be broken, I quite like making love to you," Merlin chided. It took them a few more minutes to calm down before Merlin asked, "How did you like your birthday present?"

"Best. Present. Ever. Thank you, Merlin." Arthur grinned at his court sorcerer, whose face turned bright red at the thought of everything that they'd done that night.

"Remember our rule, Merlin?" Arthur reminded him. "You don't need to be embarrassed if it's just us."

"Right," said Merlin pulling himself together. "I _did_ enjoy it, more than I thought I would."

"See, I told you. Nothing to worry about." He gently kissed Merlin's forehead and Merlin did_ not_ melt into their bed.

"Thank you for making my fantasy come true," Arthur said quietly. "It means more to you than you know, showing me how much you trust me.'"

"You're welcome," said Merlin. "It was kinda fun, in a way." He snuggled closer to Arthur, nestling his head on Arthur's shoulder.

They fell asleep, exhausted from the events of the night.

.~.

The next morning, Merlin automatically reached for Arthur. But the king wasn't there, there was only an empty indentation where Arthur had slept. Merlin was alone in the bed and Arthur was nowhere in sight. Merlin's heart sank - what if Arthur thought differently of him after that night?

Suddenly, the door was flung open and Arthur came in, carrying their breakfast. "Merlin, are you awake? I just picked this up from Rowan and-" Arthur stopped when he saw Merlin's stricken face, placing the silver tray at the bottom of the bed. "What's wrong?"

"You weren't there and-" Merlin trailed off, realizing how stupid he sounded. "I was afraid you'd think differently of me after what we did last night."

"I sure do," Arthur said pleasantly. "I've never been more in love with you."

"Oh," said Merlin, struck dumb by Arthur's sincerity. Arthur was here, bringing Merlin breakfast. Not a thing had changed, other than Arthur was actually _serving_ him. Relief washed over the warlock.

"Come on, let's enjoy our breakfast!" Arthur slid into bed next to Merlin. He ruffled Merlin's hair and then gently kissed his cheek. "Look, I even got you some sausages. You made my birthday so special that I wanted to do something nice for you."

"Thanks," Merlin stared wistfully at his love as he magicked the tray over to them. Arthur quickly dug into his food, and began to prattle on about the knights and their patrols but Merlin wasn't really listening, he was just basking in the happy realization that nothing had changed.

Merlin had just finished his last sausage when, out of nowhere, Arthur asked, "you'll do the same thing for my birthday next year, right?"

Annoyed, Merlin hit Arthur with a pillow, while secretly wondering how on earth he was going to top this year's shenanigans.

.~.

The End

A/N: I'm a massage therapist, and I've been resisting writing Merlin giving Arthur a sexy massage cause I'm like, mixing work and pleasure, that's just _weird _but I went ahead and did it. I think it turned out pretty well! WHAT DID YOU GUYS THINK? THIS WAS A REALLY LONG CHAPTER AND I'D REALLY LIKE FEEDBACK! THANKS!


	56. Bonus Ch 19 Merlin's Worst Nightmare Pt1

Disclaimer: Merlin is not mine - he is Arthur's!

A/N: I know when you read the beginning you'll be like WHAT? But just keep reading, I promise it will all make sense.

.~.

Bonus Chapter 19: Merlin's Worst Nightmare Part I

.~.

_Merlin and Arthur had returned to the king's chambers after a long day of hunting in the forest. To Merlin's dismay, Arthur hadn't given him any signs that he was interested in any sexual activity that night. Normally, Arthur would send an innuendo or two his way. But today - nothing. There wasn't even that much of their familiar banter. But Merlin wasn't too worried. He figured that Arthur must be tired, or that he wanted to wait until they were in the safety of the king's chambers to speak of such things. _

_They finally made it into the privacy behind closed doors. Merlin gave Arthur a coy smile, ready to initiate a night of intimacy but Arthur just ignored him, or at least pretended to. _

"_Merlin, bring my bath."_

_Merlin shrugged, thinking Arthur sounded a bit more conceited than usual but quickly dismissed that thought. He magicked the tub over, which already had water in it, presumably thanks to their own personal servant Rowan who anticipated their needs quite well. Arthur's back was turned when Merlin magically warmed the water. The king turned around just as Merlin lowered his hand._

"_Merlin, undress me."_

"_Oh, it's going to be like that, is it?" Merlin chuckled, relieved that Arthur was initiating this tonight. He was definitely up for some more roleplay. He expertly undressed his king, lightly brushing his fingers over Arthur's penis, ready to tease his soulmate. _

_Arthur inhaled sharply. "Merlin, what are you doing?"_

"_Servicing you, my lord. What does it look like?" Merlin tried to wink but his cheek wasn't cooperating, so it came out looking like grimace. He still hadn't mastered that yet. _

"_Merlin, I'm not that kind of person. You don't have to do that for me." Arthur looked troubled, obviously wrestling with his attraction for Merlin and not wanting to order Merlin to do… that. _

"_Why not? You obviously want it," Merlin teased, stroking his king's hardening cock._

"_I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage of you." _

"_Arthur, you know I want it too," Merlin reassured him as he helped Arthur out of his clothes, enjoying the familiar view of his naked king. "I have for years." They hadn't been together for all those years, their relationship was still relatively new, but it felt like they'd always had a special bond, practically since the fateful day that Merlin rescued Arthur from the sorceress who had impersonated songstress Lady Helen._

"_Yeah?" Arthur genuinely looked surprised. Merlin had to give him credit - his acting was spot on. Usually Merlin had to push him a bit to get into the role, but tonight Arthur didn't need any prodding._

"_Yeah." Merlin gave him a predatory grin. _

"_Can I… see you?" Arthur said timidly._

"_Of course." Merlin was once again impressed by how well Arthur was acting, as if he'd never seen Merlin before. Usually the shy, submissive one was Merlin's role, but he was happy to go along with the reversal. "I'm yours to command, Sire." Merlin was thrilled with this shy Arthur, as this side of the king wasn't something he'd seen much of._

"_Are you sure?" Arthur asked, concern lacing his voice._

"_You know you don't have to ask," said the warlock. "You can take what you want, like you usually do." Merlin gave him an amused smile, feeling completely comfortable around his king._

_Arthur gave him an uncomprehending look, but then carefully took Merlin out of his trousers. Merlin slipped out of his shirt, not bothering to use magic. He had vowed not to use magic unless it was absolutely necessary, in hopes that he wouldn't become too lazy._

"_Anything I should know before we try this?" Arthur asked, pulling Merlin's pants off so that they were both laid bare before each other._

_Merlin was really getting into it now, spurred on by Arthur's stellar performance. "You know how I like it. Just hold me afterwards like you always do and I'll calm right down."_

"_Alright," Arthur said dubiously. "Sorry, I'm a bit nervous. I've never done this before. I've had plenty of people who have…"_

"_Arthur," Merlin groaned. "Now is not the time to bring up your past exploits. You belong to me and only me now."_

"_I do? You mean, you'd want that?" Arthur's eyes caught Merlin's and he looked so vulnerable that Merlin just wanted to hold him close and reassure him that he was Arthur's and only Arthur's. But Merlin wanted to let this play out, so he didn't. _

"_Don't you?" Merlin teased._

"_Yes. I had no idea you returned my feelings," Arthur admitted._

"_I have never wanted anyone more," Merlin said seriously. "I've told you before, I'd gladly serve you, 'til the day I die."_

"_When I'm with you, I can barely hold myself back… I just need you so badly." Arthur's voice cracked. Merlin felt Arthur's hands shaking as they roamed across Merlin's body, as if exploring for the first time._

"_You have me," Merlin promised. "My king." He pulled Arthur up to kiss him, wanting to put him at ease._

_The kiss was filthy, tongues sliding, teeth clacking, and lip sucking as both men battled for dominance. Merlin kissed his way down Arthur's neck, laving his tongue on the spot just where Arthur's shoulder met his neck. From the desperate sounds he was making, Arthur was enjoying Merlin's attentions._

_Feeling bold, Merlin wrapped hand around Arthur's back and slowly scratched him up and down, not hard enough to leave a mark but just enough to make the king take notice. _

"_More," Arthur gasped. He let Merlin turn him over so that he was face up. Out of his mind with lust, Arthur actually let Merlin climb on top of him. He'd never let anyone dominate him like this before, but he believed that he could trust Merlin. It was a fragile trust, as Arthur had been drilled by his father to never trust anyone completely, lest they try and manipulate him. But Arthur believed that Merlin was different - at least he _hoped _Merlin was different from the others that had sweet-talked their way into his bed. No one had lasted more than one night, but perhaps Merlin could change that._

_Merlin gently draped himself across his king, wiggled his hips a bit, and waited for Arthur to move. He knew it wouldn't take long for Arthur - his king was usually rather impatient. Arthur groaned at the sensation and rocked his hips against Merlin's. The sorcerer reached down and encircled their cocks, gently pulling them in a way that drove Arthur wild. Some nights he wanted to make it last, but tonight wasn't one of those nights. Arthur's desperation was catching and Merlin just wanted to fix them. He sped up his ministrations, and Arthur's gasps of pleasure spurned him on. Merlin wanted to make sure that they both came, so he used magic to aid him in bringing them both to completion._

_As usual, Merlin's eyes burned gold as he brought them both to orgasm, letting his magic run free as a tingling, sweet pleasure ripped throughout his body, gently encircling him and Arthur. One of Arthur's favorite things about their love making was watching Merlin's eyes fill with magic, so he made sure that the king saw the familiar golden flash. Merlin held Arthur's gaze as he came down from his high, completely wrecked from the intensity of their coupling. But instead of the usual expression of adoration, Arthur's eyes were filled with terror. Merlin had never seen that look directed at him before, and it quite unnerved him._

_Hoping to ease Arthur's fear, Merlin held him tight, whispering that he was always going to be there for him. It was hard for Merlin to find the energy do this, as he was exhausted from his own orgasm and he was still shaking, needing the reassurance of Arthur's words and his touch. Merlin held the king tightly against him, craving the comfort of skin on skin._

_Then he realized that Arthur was pulling away._

"_Sorcerer," Arthur whispered, breathing hard as he shuddered in horror._

"_You caught me," Merlin chuckled, before quickly sobering. He quickly noticed that Arthur wasn't laughing. Merlin felt a wave of dread. Something was terribly wrong. Arthur had recoiled from his touch, which was something he'd never done before. "Arthur, what's wrong?" Merlin asked, worried now by the fear he'd sensed in his soulmate._

"_Let go of me," Arthur growled through clenched teeth._

"_What?" Merlin was confused. "Why?"_

"_Stop clinging," Arthur raised his voice. "Get off. Now!"_

_Hurt, Merlin released the king without further questions, feeling the sting of being rejected while still coming down from his high. "Arthur, it's not funny anymore." Merlin was still racked with vulnerability, wondering why Arthur was denying him comfort. Had he done something wrong? Merlin didn't think so, but he couldn't be sure._

_Arthur scrambled up out of the bed, wrestling his trousers on. "I can't believe I let you share my bed. Guards!"_

_Two of Arthur's guards that Merlin had never seen before rushed into the room, ready to carry out their king's command. _

"_Arrest him!" Arthur spat. "He's a sorcerer."_

_The guards moved swiftly and pulled a naked Merlin out of the bed. Having quite enough of this insanity, Merlin called upon his magic to throw the guards off of him, but nothing happened. He tried again and again, but his magic didn't even stir. That was when Merlin realized he was helpless, completely at Arthur's mercy._

"_Arthur? Arthur, I don't understand!" Merlin started to hyperventilate, looking around for something to cover himself with. He reached for his pants but the guards held him back. "What is _wrong _with you? Why are you so afraid of my gift? You reversed the ban on magic months ago." _

"_No, I didn't." Arthur glared at him. "Sorcery killed my mother, and my father. Magic can only be used for evil. There is no room for it in my kingdom."_

"_What about the magic school?" Struggling to breathe properly, Merlin didn't understand what was happening. "What about our confession in the forest?" He didn't want to bring this up in front of the guards, but he had to do try. "What about our love? Why don't you _remember_?"_

"_You know, you almost had me fooled," said Arthur, his hands shaking at his sides. "I can't believe I thought that I might've lo…" He trailed off, his blue eyes blazing with fury as he harshly slapped Merlin's face. "You're nothing but a whore, Merlin, trying to gain favor with the king, just like my father always said."_

"_That's not true," Merlin choked out. "I've never been with anyone besides you. You know this." _

"_You scream like a whore." Arthur shared that intimate detail in front of the guards, to Merlin's humiliation. "You're no better than an animal in heat. Clinging to me as if your life depended on it."_

_Merlin wanted to point out that Arthur had done practically done the same thing, but he held his tongue._

"_Take him to the dungeons," Arthur ordered. "Tomorrow, he will burn at dawn for his crimes."_

"_Arthur, no! Please!" Merlin cried. "Don't kill me. Don't do this!" Once again, he tried to use his magic, but he couldn't. It was as if his gift had disappeared. He didn't understand it - he'd just used his magic to bring them to completion._

"_Get him out of my sight." Arthur turned around so he wouldn't have to watch as a still naked Merlin was dragged out of the room, all the while still reaching for Arthur and wondering why his king had lost his mind._

_As if he wasn't embarrassed enough, Merlin had to endure the stares and jeers of the people that he walked past them in the castle corridors, some of whom he'd thought were his friends. He noticed Guinevere standing out in the crowd. She wasn't pointing and laughing, but she disappeared immediately as soon as she saw him. Merlin didn't think he could feel any worse, but he did. Now everyone had abandoned him. Lost in waves of despair, Merlin didn't struggle as the guards led him down into the deep dark depths of the castle._

_Laughing at Merlin's fate, the guards tossed the young warlock in the smallest, dirtiest cell in the dungeons. Thankfully it had a pallet with a blanket, which Merlin used to cover himself. He shivered, as a chilly draft wafted in through the window. But the cold was the least of Merlin's problems._

_Burned at the stake. Tomorrow. Merlin tried with all his might, waving his hand towards the lock, but try as he might, the lock didn't budge. He still couldn't access his magic! So that option was out. Merlin accepted this for now, and then sat down to think. There was something very wrong with this scenario. Magic shouldn't be banned, not when Arthur was king. Right? His mind went a little fuzzy and he had a burning itch in his left ear, which he absentmindedly scratched. _

_Why had Arthur turned on him? Try as he might, Merlin couldn't figure out what had caused Arthur to react in the way he had. But he was growing tired now. Perhaps his magic would return before tomorrow. Exhausted, Merlin lay his head against the cool stone, vowing to rest for just a moment. _

.~.

_Meanwhile_

Arthur retired to his chambers for the night. "Merlin!" The king yelled. "Where the hell have you been? The council's been on my back about the Mercian threat of-" Arthur's breath caught in his throat as he found Merlin lying on the bed, white as a sheet.

"Merlin." Arthur shook his warlock's shoulder, but Merlin didn't move. "Merlin, stop it, you idiot. You're scaring me!"

But Merlin would not wake. Arthur watched as his chest rose and fell. This was the only indication that Merlin was alive. "Merlin?" Arthur's voice broke as he ran his hand through Merlin's dark hair but got no reaction. He grabbed Merlin's hand, and it was stiff as a board. Arthur swallowed hard as he realized that Merlin's entire body had gone rigid. It was possible that he was somehow bespelled.

"Guards!" Two of Arthur's most trusted guards who were stationed outside his chambers entered at their king's command.

"Yes, your majesty?"

"Call George at once!" Arthur cried. "There's something wrong with Merlin."

"The physician?" One of the guards asked, needing clarification.

The new physician that took over after Gaius died was named George. This made things a little confusing as there was also a prominent servant on staff named George who was a little overzealous with his work. He had once served Arthur when he and Merlin had been fighting. Those boring few days made Arthur miss Merlin more than ever. After that, he had appreciated and respected Merlin more, which had eventually moved their relationship in the right direction.

"Yes, the physician," Arthur snapped. "Go!"

The guards scurried off to do their king's bidding.

Luckily for Arthur, the right George was quickly summoned. He reminded Arthur of a younger version of Gwaine, with long dark hair flipping in front of his face. But unlike Gwaine, he carried himself with an air of professionalism that Arthur appreciated. The king still missed having Gaius there, a man he knew he could trust, but George was beginning to prove himself a worthy successor.

"What happened, Sire?" The young physician asked, placing his hand on Merlin's forehead. It was burning up.

"I don't know," Arthur said in a rush, trying not to sound frantic. "I just found him like this. He won't wake up and his entire body is stiff."

"I must conduct a thorough physical examination," said George, but he sounded troubled. "I've never seen anything quite like this before, not on someone who is still alive. Rigor mortis usually sets in after…" George quickly changed tactics after he saw Arthur's murderous stare. "Don't worry, Sire. I'll figure out what's wrong with him."

"You must." There was a threat behind those words but George wasn't frightened by it. He knew that Arthur was only worried sick about his court sorcerer. He had always wondered if there was more to that close friendship, and Arthur's territorial reaction to Merlin's current state confirmed those suspicions.

"Do you wish to stay during the examination?"

Arthur just stared at George, sizing him up. This was a question that a physician would only ask a family member or the spouse of the patient.

"It's alright, Sire," said the physician, placing a reassuring hand on Arthur's shoulder. "I take my vow of confidentiality very seriously." It was then that Arthur knew that George would keep his and Merlin's secret.

"Thank you," said Arthur, his tones speaking volumes, not just thanking the physician for his care. "Yes, of course I wish to stay. I don't have to tell you-"

"What he means to you?" The physician finished. "No. I know, your majesty."

"I didn't mean to come off so harshly earlier," said Arthur. He always made it a point to try not to speak in anger to his subjects, not wishing to make them fearful of him, the way that Uther had. When he did slip up, Arthur tried to apologize.

"That's all right, Sire," said George, looking at Arthur with understanding. "We sometimes say things we don't mean when the people we love are threatened."

Arthur cleared his throat and looked away, not wanting the physician to see the tears gathering in his eyes. He did have an image to maintain, after all. Arthur quickly got control of his emotions, turned around, and prepared to do whatever he could to help Merlin.

George went to remove Merlin's clothes with Arthur's assistance. Then Arthur sat next to the bed and watched while the physician conducted a thorough examination of his patient. Unfortunately, he but didn't find anything suspicious.

That was when Merlin surprised them both. "Ah… Ar…" Merlin gasped out.

"Merlin!" Arthur rushed over, taking Merlin's stiff hand in his.

"Arthur." Merlin clearly said the king's name, but he sounded terrified.

"Merlin, can you hear me?" Arthur dared to hope.

"Arthur, no!" Merlin cried. "Please, don't kill me!"

"I would never kill you!" Arthur insisted, torn inside that Merlin would ever say such a thing. "Merlin, please wake up."

But Merlin fell silent once again. "Merlin, you have to help me _help_ you." Arthur was absolutely wrecked, trying to communicate with the love of his life and failing.

"George, what's happening to him?" Arthur asked, not bothering to hide the catch in his voice.

George gravely delivered his prognosis. "I believe that Merlin is experiencing a very powerful hallucination, most likely brought on by a form of dark magic."

"A hallucination? Are you sure?" Arthur prodded. " He isn't just dreaming?"

"If it were just a dream, he wouldn't be experiencing the stiffness in his limbs," said George. "He believes he is somewhere else. He literally can't move until the hallucination is broken."

"Why would he ever think that I would kill him?" Arthur asked. The king knew another one of Merlin's secrets, that he was immortal. So it would be impossible for Arthur to kill him. It troubled Arthur that Merlin had forgotten that.

"In his reality, he believes that you would," the physician said grimly. "Sometimes hallucinations are manifestations of the person's worst fears. That seems to be the case with Merlin."

"How can we break him out of it?" Arthur demanded, not wanting to dwell on what Merlin might be experiencing. "I _won't _stand by and let him suffer."

"I don't know yet, Sire," said the physician. "We must discover the cause first."

Arthur realized he needed help, that he shouldn't be facing this on his own. He ordered the guards to send for Morgana, in hopes that she could use her magic to assess Merlin. It was probable that dark magic was involved, and Arthur would need Morgana's explanation of what was happening to Merlin.

"Hold on, Merlin," Arthur whispered in his sorcerer's ear as the physician began to conduct his examination. "Hold on."

.~.

_Merlin jolted awake at the sound of footsteps approaching. He took stock of his surroundings - he was still in the dungeons. The sun had since gone down, leaving him in almost total darkness, save for the lit torches on the wall. A brown rat squeaked and ran across his path, but Merlin barely paid attention to it. He was focused on a familiar figure headed straight for his cell. He would recognize that proud gait anywhere. Merlin dared to hope. _

"_Arthur!" Merlin's heart leapt as he saw his lover. Maybe Arthur had come to his senses and had decided to free him! "Are you-" He stopped mid sentence, recognizing the hate in the king's eyes._

"_I came to tell you I'm taking this back." Arthur held up the tarnished silver coin that bore his mother's sigil, a gift that he'd given Merlin soon after he'd become king. It had been as close as an engagement ring as Arthur could've given him without arising suspicion. "You aren't worthy of such a gift. By using magic, you've not only betrayed me, but you've betrayed all of Camelot."_

"_This can't be real. The Arthur I know and love wouldn't do this," said Merlin, but he sounded unsure._

"_Don't you dare speak about love to me," Arthur snarled. He reached through the bars to grab at Merlin, but the sorcerer jumped back. "You did well, Merlin, casting a love spell on me. It almost worked. But after tomorrow, I won't be haunted by you ever again."_

_The reality of the situation washed over Merlin. Arthur couldn't have made his feelings more clear. "You're really done with me. With us." Merlin tried to hold his voice steady, but a hitch betrayed him on the word 'us'._

"_There never was an us," Arthur actually chuckled at that. "Even if there had been, I never wouldn't been satisfied with just you. I would have had lovers on the side, like all noblemen do."_

_Merlin's chest was heaving, his lower lip trembling as he tried to fight the sobs that threatened to escape. Each word was like a dagger to his heart. _

"_You don't deserve to live, Merlin," Arthur continued. "Not after what you've revealed yourself to be."_

"_You would let me burn?" Merlin's eyes filled with tears. "I was your friend! Everything I did was for you! I only used my magic to help you, to save your life."_

"_What good is the word of a sorcerer?" Arthur snapped. _

"_You'll hate yourself afterwards," Merlin said quietly, because he knew it would be true. Even an Arthur who didn't remember their love would still be hurt if he ordered Merlin's death._

"_It has to be done." Arthur sounded absolutely certain about that. _

"_We could've had years, decades maybe," Merlin pleaded. "We could have been happy, Arthur. We still can."_

_Arthur shook his finger at Merlin. "If only you hadn't decided to learn how to use magic. You've brought this on yourself."_

_Merlin tried to explain that this wasn't how his magic worked. "But I didn't-"_

"_Shut up, Merlin." With that, Arthur walked away, those three words sentencing Merlin to death more than his inevitable appointment with the stake. _

_Merlin watched Arthur's retreating form and his legs gave out from under him. Another brown rat ran across his path. Merlin dully noted that it looked just like the one that had ran past him earlier. Not even the rats wanted to keep him company. Merlin retreated into the corner of his cell, resigned to his fate. He drifted off, only to be woken by someone unlocking and opening his cell._

"_Come with me," said a female voice, reaching her hand out to him. Merlin took it and let Morgana pull him out of his prison._

.~.

_Meanwhile_

George had almost completed his examination, ending with his patient's face. He pulled Merlin's eyelid back to see if looking at his eye would give them any clues, but Merlin's startling blue eyes didn't reveal anything telling. George moved on to the nose, but found nothing unusual. Discouraged, he almost didn't check the ears, as they almost never revealed anything about a patient's state. But he decided to examine the ears anyway, just for the sake of being thorough.

The physician pulled Merlin's left ear back, trying to get a look inside. Just then Merlin's ear twitched and George caught a look at something peeking out from inside Merlin's ear canal. It looked like a tiny red leech had latched onto it and was wiggling around inside.

"Sire, look!" George directed the king to closely examine Merlin's left ear.

"What is _that_?" Arthur's stomach lurched as he caught a glimpse of it before it burrowed back inside Merlin's ear.

"That must be what's giving him the hallucination," was George's prognosis. "It's a Taurien mollusk, more commonly known as a sleeping slug. They're very rare, and very expensive. Someone wanted to put the court sorcerer out of commission, but was too afraid to do it himself. Such cowardly tactics," the physician said, disgusted. "It's the ultimate revenge. It won't kill the person - it will do something far worse if it has enough time to embed itself into the brain."

Arthur's heart sank. It had to be something terrible if George sounded this upset.

"What is worse than death?" Arthur asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer. He knew that Merlin was immortal, so he wasn't worried about his sorcerer dying.

George inwardly sighed, hating to be the bearer of bad news. It was his least favorite part of his job. "Now that the slug has taken hold of his mind, Merlin will remain in limbo, in a deep sleep. It's possible that he'll never regain consciousness."

"No, that's unacceptable. We have to remove it," Arthur said firmly, refusing to accept that he might have to live out his life without Merlin's reassuring presence at his side.

"I don't know if that would cause him permanent brain damage or not." The doctor pursed his lips. "It would be risky."

"It would be risky not to try," Arthur countered. "We have to do something!"

Just then, Morgana burst into the chamber. She had Gwen with her, the queen wanting to check on Merlin as well.

"How is he?" Gwen asked.

"Not good," said Arthur, not wanting to take the time to explain it to his wife. "Morgana, we need your magical expertise."

"What do you need me to do?" Morgana's voice sounded calm and steady, which was more than what Arthur could say for himself right now.

The physician filled her in about the properties of the sleeping slug that was currently inside Merlin's head.

"I'll be very gentle as I try to remove it," said the sorceress, determined to free her mentor and friend of this menace. "If it hurts him, I'll stop immediately. With your permission, Arthur."

"Do it," Arthur ordered.

Morgana whispered a spell, and lifted her hand. She tried to take hold of the slug, to coax it from it's warm nest in Merlin's brain, but it held firm. Merlin began to whimper and oddly, his nose began to bleed.

"Stop!" Arthur cried.

Morgana ceased her magic the second she heard Merlin's whimpers. "I'm sorry, Arthur." Morgana's eyes blurred with tears as she easily healed Merlin's nose. "There's nothing I can do. I tried my best, I promise..."

"Shh, we know you did." Gwen pulled Morgana away and comforted her because she knew that Arthur couldn't right then.

"Now what?" Arthur asked, a flash of fear falling over him. "We can't remove it without hurting Merlin. What do you suggest, physician?"

"I don't think there's nothing else we can do," said George. "There's only one way I've heard of that the victim can escape the slug - Merlin will have to think himself out of the hallucination. He has to believe with absolute certainty that his altered reality isn't real. Then, he'll wake up. If he can't, he might be stuck in that distorted reality forever."

"No," Arthur growled. "I won't let that happen. There's _got_ to be something we can do to pull him out of it."

Just then, one of Arthur's guards burst into the room. "Sire, there's a disturbance at the magic school."

Morgana immediately stood up to leave. "I'm on it."

"They're asking for you specifically, my king," said the guard.

"Is it the Mercian rebel rousers?" Arthur asked.

The guard nodded. "Yes, Sire."

"Arthur, I'll stay with him," Gwen promised. "Go."

Arthur took one last look at Merlin before steeling himself and striding out the door behind Morgana, ready to do his duty.

The physician watched the king's retreating form, imagining that it had been very difficult for Arthur to leave Merlin's side. Out of all his patients, he had rarely seen someone care for Merlin the way that Arthur did. He wondered where the queen fit in all of this.

"Thank you, George," said Guinevere, bringing the physician back to the present. "I know you're doing everything you can for Merlin."

"I'm trying, my queen," said the physician. "I'm not sure what else I can do-"

That was when Lancelot burst into the room. "Gwen, are you alright?" Lance asked, effectively cutting off George. "I just heard about Merlin, and…" Lancelot froze when he saw George. He hadn't meant to sound so familiar with Gwen when someone else was around, even if he was the court physician. The knight hoped that he hadn't just blown his cover.

Gwen handled the situation with the calm grace that her people knew so well. "George, I don't know if you've officially met my personal protector, Sir Lancelot."

"I don't believe so, my queen." He turned to Lancelot. "It is good to meet King Arthur's first knight."

He and Lancelot quickly dispensed with the pleasantries. Now this whole situation made sense to George. Arthur wasn't really cheating on his wife with Merlin, because she was involved with her protector. He was relieved, really. He hadn't liked the thought of Arthur sneaking around on his queen. Then he remembered that Guinevere had been originally promised to Lancelot before his supposed death, and the pieces fell into place.

Lancelot was asking him a question, bringing George's mind back to the present. "How long does Merlin have until…"

"Until this becomes permanent?" George finished. "I can't be sure, but I know of cases where patients have lasted days under the slug's influence before willing themselves out of the hallucination."

"The hallucinated world must be very strong to have convinced Merlin that it is real," Lancelot postulated.

"I believe so," said George. "But according to one case study that I read, the hallucination that the slug produces isn't perfect. There are little glitches, signs that all may not be as it seems."

"Such as?" Gwen asked.

"Repetition, or deja vu," said George. "A black dog running across your path. Then, moments later, you see that exact same dog again, doing the same exact thing. It makes the person in the hallucination question if their environment is real. If Merlin is paying attention to little details, he might have an inkling that what he is experiencing isn't reality."

"That's a big if," said Lance. "We need to think of something that we can do to alert him from our side, something to grab his attention."

George was intrigued. "What did you have in mind?"

As the physician debated with Lancelot and Guinevere, Merlin fell deeper under the spell of the Taurien slug, and the horrible distortion that he was being forced to experience.

.~.

_Merlin allowed himself to be led out of the castle. Morgana's strides were swift, and the warlock was able to match her pace. They had to duck into the shadows to avoid the guards a few times, but they managed to arrive at the stables undetected._

_After Gwen had alerted her, Morgana had arranged for Merlin's rescue. A stable hand had a horse saddled and ready to go. Morgana swung up on her horse and took the reins. Merlin climbed on behind her, and under the cover of darkness, Morgana steered them through the streets and navigated them successfully under the drawbridge. They had waltzed right out of the city and no one had been the wiser._

_Merlin knew he should be thanking Morgana for getting him out, and he was, but all he could think about was Arthur. How the man that he loved had thrown everything wonderful that they'd shared in Merlin's face. He relived that moment over and over, when Arthur's eyes had clouded with fear and his words had branded Merlin a sorcerer. It was like Arthur thought he was the scum of the earth, as if being a sorcerer was just as horrible as being a murderer or rapist. _

_The warlock didn't understand why Arthur would ever _think_ that Merlin had it in him to place his king under a love spell. How could Arthur not realize that his love for Merlin must be genuine and pure, not tainted and wicked? _

"_Merlin, you can relax now." Merlin hadn't even realized he was clenching and unclenching his fists. Morgana slowed their horse to a walk, and reached for a waterskin, figuring that he must be thirsty. _

"_I can't believe Arthur did that to me," said Merlin, sounding broken before he took a drink. "After all we shared. I really loved him, you know." _

"_You know what he's like towards people who have magic," Morgana said grimly. "You took a big risk in sharing his bed. What did you think would happen? That he'd be so in love with you that he'd automatically forgive you?"_

_That was_ exactly_ what Merlin thought, because he remembered it happening that way. Arthur had been so happy to have Merlin's love that he'd overlooked the fact that Merlin was a warlock. _

"_Speaking of magic," Morgana continued, "there's something I need to tell you."_

"_You have magic," Merlin said simply. _

"_How did you know?" Morgana was awed by Merlin's supposed perceptiveness._

"_You're my best student, you're my apprentice at the magic school…" Merlin's left ear began to ring and his thoughts grew muddled._

"_Merlin, there is no magic school." Morgana sounded worried. _

"_Arthur… lifted the ban." Merlin gasped, trying to remember his life separately from_ this_, a horrible dream that he couldn't seem to wake up from. "I'm his Court Sorcerer. Don't you remember?"_

"_Merlin, you're talking madness." Morgana said firmly. "Arthur would never let that happen, not after a powerful sorcerer killed his father right in front of him."_

"_What?" Merlin shook his head. "No. Uther died of natural causes. Arthur barely made it back to Camelot in time to say goodbye. Then, a few weeks later, he lifted the ban on magic. All of us with the gift are free, we don't have to hide any longer."_

"_That sounds like a beautiful dream world, Merlin," Morgana said quietly. "But it's only fantasy." _

"_No, it's not. I could prove it to you if I could use my magic and show you my memories," Merlin insisted, frustrated. "But something's blocking it and I don't know why."_

"_Merlin, you're confused. You need to rest." Morgana brought their horse to a halt. She climbed off, secured the horse, and helped Merlin down. Morgana loosened her grip on him, which turned out to be a mistake. The warlock faltered, swayed, and hit the ground. He blacked out, losing consciousness as he heard Arthur's harsh voice repeating over and over, "shut up, Merlin."_

_.~._

End Part I

A/N: Look for the second half of this chapter in about a week. This was supposed to be one chapter but then George showed up and took over the story. I thought it was kind of neat to get a new character's perspective, figuring out what was going on with the two couples, an outsider looking in. Hopefully Merlin will get out of the hallucination, or will he be stuck in an alternate reality for all eternity, separated from Arthur?!

Let me know what you think! I hope it was jarring, reading Arthur treating Merlin so horribly. That was my intention. Did it give teh feels?


	57. Bonus Ch 19 Merlin's Worst Nightmare Pt2

Disclaimer: Merlin isn't mine.

A/N: Thank you for the reviews! You guys are quick. I know, I really tortured Merlin. We'll see how you like the last part. Sorry it took so long to post.

.~.

Bonus Chapter 20: Merlin's Worst Nightmare Part II

_.~._

_Merlin awoke in an unfamiliar place. Looking around, he found himself in a tent made of animal skins. He shook off the fur blankets and immediately wished he hadn't when he was met by a chill. He poked his head out the tent's flap to look outside, and found that he was at the end of a long row of tents. The sun was beginning to set in the distance. There were people of all ages crowding around a large fire. Sheep, fowl, dogs, and cats roamed free. The smell of some kind of stew was wafting through the air, making Merlin's mouth water. By the looks of it, he was in some sort of camp. He watched in awe as one of the woman casually cast a spell and the fire grew higher. _

"_Oh good, you're awake." Morgana approached the tent. Merlin moved back and let her come inside. "How're you feeling?"_

_Merlin shrugged. "Fine, I guess." His head was still reeling from what he'd just seen. "Morgana, they were using magic! Freely!" There was only one place where that would be allowed. "Is this the Druid sanctuary?" _

"_Yes," said Morgana, beaming. "Isn't it wonderful? We're with people like us. We don't have to hide anymore."_

"_How did you convince them to let us stay?"_

"_I didn't," Morgana admitted. "The chieftain took one look at you and stated that you were someone called Emrys, the most powerful sorcerer in all the land. They all bowed before you and then helped me bring you into the healing tent."_

"_What if Arthur finds us? We could bring great suffering to these people," Merlin worried. _

"_I'm sure they have magical protection enchantments set up around the camp," said Morgana. _

_Enchantments, right. Merlin remembered how yesterday he couldn't use his magic. The young warlock tried to call up the tiny golden dragon with his palm, but once again he couldn't do it._

"_I hope so, since I can't do anything to help," said Merlin. "My magic is still gone."_

"_Maybe they can help you," Morgana suggested. "I'm sure that-"_

_Merlin hissed, as a pain surfaced yet again in his left ear. "Ow, my ear."_

"_Don't worry about it," Morgana said bracingly as Merlin stuck his finger in his ear, trying and failing to find relief. "I'm sure it will pass."_

"_That was strange," Merlin commented. "I wonder why…" He was interrupted by a loud, insistent clanging._

"_It's time for the evening meal." Morgana helped Merlin out of the tent. " Boy, that stew smells good."_

"_Great. I'm starved," Merlin realized. They joined the others around the fire, and accepted the Druids' offer of chicken stew with vegetables. They were respectfully silent when the leader of the Druids thanked the Gods for the bountiful harvest that provided them with this meal._

_Merlin silently thanked the Gods for delivering them from Arthur. He didn't want to think about the man that he loved right now, the man who'd betrayed him. But Merlin couldn't help himself. Arthur was his destiny. Arthur was his soulmate. Arthur was… everything._

_His thoughts resting with his king, Merlin mechanically took a bite of chicken. It tasted odd, like something was off. If he hadn't known he was eating chicken, he would've sworn that he was eating broccoli. Then he took a bite of broccoli, which tasted like chicken. As he continued to eat, the noticed that all the chicken tasted like vegetables, and the vegetables tasted like chicken. He asked Morgana if she had experienced the same thing, which she hadn't._

"_Someone's probably playing a magical joke on you." Morgana laughed. "Don't pay it any mind."_

_That's really weird_, _Merlin thought to himself. It was such a small detail, but it made him wonder. _

"_Are you really Emrys?" The question distracted him from his earlier thoughts. In front of him was a little boy, with who appeared to be his younger sister bashfully tagging along behind him._

"_Yes," Merlin answered truthfully. "What are your names?"_

"_My name is Gilli. This is Freya." _

_Merlin made small talk with the druid children, who had approached him bursting with curiosity. The young boy and girl seemed fascinated by the great Emrys, and they tugged at his sleeve, wanting him to play with them. Merlin thought their names sounded familiar somehow, but couldn't quite place them. Merlin shared an amused glance with Morgana as he put his bowl aside and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet._

_That was when a young druid scout came bursting into the camp. "We're under attack!" He bellowed. "King Arthur's coming and he's leading an ambush with his knights!"_

_A chill passed through Merlin's body at the thought of Arthur here, now. The man that he knew and loved was gone, replaced by a cold-blooded tyrant who hated all magic users._

"_How did he find us?" The chieftain asked. Then he realized the answer to his own question._

_Slowly, all the druids turned towards Merlin and Morgana._

"_I'll give myself up," Merlin promised, stumbling to his feet. "It's me they want."_

_The druids began to protest, vowing that they would fight for the great Emrys, but Merlin wasn't about to have it. Ignoring Morgana's words of caution, Merlin raced towards danger, hoping to save those who had taken him in._

_.~._

_He found Arthur and his posse of knights waiting just outside of the camp. Merlin didn't recognize any familiar faces among the knights, just war-hardened soldiers. The king's expression darkened as he recognized the lone figure in front of him._

"_Arthur, you found me," Merlin said bravely. He approached the king with his hands up. "I cannot fight you, I will come willingly. Now that you have me, we can return to Camelot and I will serve my sentence. Let us leave this place." Please, forget about the druids, Merlin prayed. Please._

"_And leave the druid savages to live another day? I think not," said Arthur._

"_Please, don't harm them," Merlin pleaded. "They've done nothing wrong."_

"_Nothing wrong?" Arthur scoffed. "They're magic and therefore a threat to Camelot." Arthur hopped off his horse, heading towards Merlin. He stopped just in front of the warlock. "Burn it," the king ordered, meaning the village. "Cut down anyone who tries to escape."_

"_No!" Merlin cried. "Arthur, at least let the children live." He thought of the young boy and girl he'd just met, and despaired. How could Arthur justify killing children? All because they had magic? _

_Arthur backhanded him across the face. "You _will_ show me proper respect." Merlin fell to the ground, his cheek smarting from the blow. He wanted to cry, wanted to yell in frustration that he didn't have his magic to protect the innocent from Arthur's wrath. _

_That was when his vision grew fuzzy. Everything sounded distorted, the terrified screams, the roar of the flames as they spread throughout the camp. Through the thick smoke, Merlin saw the villagers running in fear, trying to escape the fire but many were slain by the knights as they ran past. Why weren't the druids using their magic to fight back? Merlin knew they were a peaceful people, but surely they would use their magic for self defense. It just didn't make sense._

_A frightened ,bleating sheep ran past him, somehow managing to flee the chaos that had descended on the camp. Merlin noted the splatter of blood on its otherwise white fleece and blanched. How could Arthur order his men to kill a peaceful people in cold blood? Arthur had repealed the law on magic. Arthur had publicly rejected Uther's policies of terror. Arthur had pledged his love to him in secret - he was sure of it. How could Arthur have changed his mind? _

_His thoughts full of memories that he and Arthur had shared. He recalled a moment that they'd shared on the throne and blushed, remembering how his magic had exploded that day. Arthur certainly hadn't been afraid of him then. He remembered reading Ygraine's diary together and learning about how the queen's relationship with Uther had mirrored their own. He remembered Arthur's wedding to Gwen, and how they vowed to help her raise Lancelot's son before they realized that he was still alive. He remembered a whole other life, a life that he was desperately trying to return to._

_His mind stuck on Arthur, he almost missed seeing another sheep run across his path. It was soaked with blood on its white fleece. It looked exactly like the last sheep that he'd just seen. Merlin frowned - was he seeing things? Had he experienced another moment of deja vu? He remembered seeing the exact same rat cross his path in the dungeons the night before. Was there some sort of connection? His left ear began to throb yet again, and he sank to the ground, exhausted. He thought he heard Arthur calling him, begging him to wake up, but Merlin couldn't stay awake any longer. He passed out on the ground, no longer caring what happened to him. _

_.~._

_Meanwhile_

It was a little before midnight before Arthur returned to his chambers. He wondered if there had been any change in Merlin's status. He doubted it, or else someone would've summoned him. Gwen was sitting at Merlin's bedside, holding his hand as she quietly talked to him. Arthur hung back, wanting to hear what Gwen was saying.

"Merlin, you have to come back to us," the queen begged. "Arthur will never be the same if you don't, and I don't know how to fix that. I want him to be happy and he can't be if he's not with the man that he loves. With the Mercian threat looming over us, we need Arthur's concentration to be on matters of state. That won't happen if you don't wake up." Gwen then sensed another presence in the room as Arthur walked up behind her, and rested his hands on her shoulders.

"Arthur." Gwen looked at him sadly. "I wish I could give you better news."

"No change, then?"

"No." Gwen sounded regretful.

"Did he say anything else?" Arthur asked.

"I think he mumbled Morgana's name once. That's it."

Gwen got up and Arthur took her spot on the chair. "Merlin." Arthur took Merlin's stiff hand in his. "How I wish you could talk to me. I would do anything to get you back. I don't know how to help you. Give me some sign that you can hear me."

But Merlin didn't move.

"I'm going to get ready for bed in the other room," said Gwen. "Lance is waiting for me."

"Fine." Arthur wasn't really paying attention to her.

"Oh, there's something else."

"What?" Arthur tore his gaze away from Merlin to focus on his wife.

"George knows about me and Lance."

"He's our physician, it had to happen eventually," said Arthur. "He knows about me and Merlin as well. I'm not worried. I believe that we can trust him."

"I think so too. Are you going to stay with him all night?" Gwen asked.

"I don't think I can," said Arthur, grimacing as he rubbed at his eyes. To say that he was exhausted was an understatement. "I need to get at least a few hours of sleep."

"Morgana will be back in a few hours. We're going to help you keep watch," said Gwen.

"Thank you," Arthur said quietly. "Gwen, I _need_ him."

"I know."

"I can't rule without him by my side." Arthur's voice broke.

"Yes you could," Gwen insisted. "Merlin would want you to. If you had to, you would go on."

"How could I, when everything reminds me of him?" Arthur cried. "We've christened most of the rooms in the castle. There's the bloody_ throne room_ for God's sake. I couldn't even hold a council meeting without being reminded of him, of us."

Gwen took Arthur's free hand in hers. "Don't lose hope, Arthur. Not yet. He could still pull through."

"I haven't lost hope." Arthur gave her a brave smile. "Our Merlin's a fighter."

"Your Merlin, " Gwen corrected.

"Yes," Arthur whispered. "My Merlin. I never knew I could love another person so much until I met him. I wish we hadn't wasted so much time before admitting our feelings. If I'd known that this would happen, I would've-"

"Arthur, don't," Gwen interrupted him. "You'll only make yourself feel worse. Don't torture yourself about what could've been. Think about your future together, when he wakes up."

"Right," said Arthur. He wanted to adopt Gwen's positive attitude, but it was difficult. "Well, goodnight."

"Goodnight."

She turned to go when Arthur commanded, "don't take Lance for granted."

"I won't," Gwen promised. She never did, as she'd thought that Lancelot had been dead for months. Upon his return, she cherished every day that they had together. Gwen knew Arthur was just projecting his own feelings, and paid his grim words no mind. "Arthur?"

"Hmm?"

"Have faith that this can turn out right."

The queen kissed his cheek and then disappeared into the adjoining room to be with Lancelot.

Arthur found himself truly alone with only Merlin's still form for company.

"What am I supposed to do?" He asked. "If you were here, and I was in your place, what would you do?"

Merlin, of course, didn't answer.

Then Arthur recalled watching a few of the druid priests and priestesses meditating in the forest just outside the city. One of the priestesses had been so deeply ingrained in her meditation that one of the others had to slap her face in order to pull her out of the altered state. It had worked, too. Arthur wondered if this technique could apply to Merlin's situation.

Of course, he never wanted to cause the love of his life any pain. But if there was even a chance that a brief moment of pain would bring Merlin out of his state… Arthur was going to have to risk it.

"Forgive me, Merlin," Arthur whispered. Then he slapped his sorcerer's cheek as hard as he could.

Merlin didn't even flinch.

"What have I done?" Arthur stared at the red hand-sized red mark that he'd made on Merlin's face and the dam broke. He sobbed quietly, as not to alert Gwen, not wanting anyone to see him in this shameful condition. Then Arthur climbed in bed with Merlin, pulling him close, not caring if anyone might come in and see.

"Merlin… Merlin… come back to me," Arthur pleaded, but no response came.

The king slept fitfully for the rest of the night, holding Merlin to his chest.

.~.

_When Merlin woke again, he found that he was back in Camelot, locked in the dungeons once again. Morgana was nowhere to be found - Merlin hoped that she'd escaped somehow. He didn't even want to think about what had happened to the Druids. _

_Then Arthur came into view, striding towards him and coming to a stop before Merlin's cell, presumably to deliver his sentence. The king's face was wiped carefully blank, the only telltale sign that he was being emotionally affected was a periodic twitch in his left eye._

"_I must have an appointment with the stake tomorrow," said Merlin, calmly accepting his fate while hoping he could come up with a plan to escape. "Have you come to say goodbye?"_

"_No, I changed my mind." For one wild moment, Merlin thought that Arthur had actually forgiven him. "I'm not going to simply kill you," said Arthur. "I'm going to make you suffer. You'll live out the rest of your life in the dungeons, isolated and alone." _

"_What?" Merlin paled at that. He had accepted death, welcomed it even if he had to live in a world where Arthur had rejected him in every sense. "No, you can't! Please, Arthur. I'd rather die!"_

"_I'm afraid that would be too merciful," was Arthur's reply. "You must live with what you've done. It's the only way to atone for your sins as a sorcerer."_

"_Why are you doing this?" Merlin asked, desperation lurking in his tone. "After all I've done for you, all I've sacrificed so that you may live…"_

"_I've decided that I can't admit to my subjects that I've had a sorcerer among my staff for five years. It would make me seem incompetent, and we can't have that," said Arthur._

_Then Merlin had a possible insight into Arthur's reasoning._

"_You're not going to kill me because, deep down, you still care about me," said Merlin. _

"_Not even close. However, I should kill you, to remove the temptation," said Arthur. "Your sorcerer's ways have ensnared me, make me want for something I shouldn't."_

"_What are you talking about?" Merlin's skin began to crawl, not sure if he wanted an answer._

"_Every night, in my dreams, I see your face. I see temptation, I see your body. I'm haunted by visions of that night that I never should've given you. It's maddening!" Arthur thundered. "I want to take what I want. No one has ever pleased me more than you. I know that it's your sorcery that's making me feel that way, but there's something about you. You're so beguiling yet you seem so innocent." Arthur gave him a predatory grin. "I'm keeping you around just in case I finally break, and decide to take what I need."_

"_No," Merlin gulped. "Y-you wouldn't. You wouldn't force me." Merlin's red neckerchief suddenly grew itchy, so he slowly removed it. "You're better than that, Arthur. I know you are."_

_Arthur greedily took in the display of white skin as Merlin stripped away the offending garment. "If you would stop flaunting yourself in front of me, I wouldn't be feeling this way."_

"_Flaunting?" Merlin let out a hysterical laugh. "I'm stuck in my cell. What could I've done that could constitute flaunting?"_

_Just then, a loud buzzing sound caused Merlin to fall to his knees, clutching his ears. His vision faded and he began to see splotchy patches of white light. He heard a kind male voice clearly saying_, _"Merlin...Merlin…come back to me." _

_The voice quieted, and when Merlin's vision cleared, he was back in his cell. Arthur was gone._

_.~._

_Meanwhile_

The next morning, Arthur was roused not by a servant, but by the royal physician.

"How is Merlin this morning, Sire?" George calmly asked as he approached the bed. "I came to check on him before I began my rounds."

Arthur was still in bed, his body entwined with Merlin's as it had been for the entire night. He actually blushed at being caught in such a compromising position. Yes, he was aware that George knew about them, but knowing was different than showing incontrovertible evidence that he and Merlin were… physically involved.

"I uh, I'm not sure." Arthur cleared his throat and disentangled himself from his sorcerer. He sat up in bed, propping himself up against the headboard. He took Merlin's hand in his, bringing it to his lips. Arthur gently kissed Merlin's hand, not caring that George would see, as he'd just been caught sharing his bed with Merlin. Hiding seemed useless now.

But Merlin didn't move. Arthur's face fell as he realized that Merlin was still unreachable.

"Sire, I've been thinking," said the physician. "There might be a way that we could reach him. But we have to act quickly. It's likely that if he doesn't wake up by midday, he might not ever recover."

"I cannot let that happen," Arthur vowed. "I won't."

Morgana burst into the room, wearing a determined look that Arthur had seen right before they'd gone into battle with the three evil sorcerers. "Tell me what to do," said the most powerful witch in all the land. "Tell me how to help him."

"He has a magically enhanced tattoo on his left forearm, correct?"

"Yes," Morgana and Arthur answered simultaneously. The Druids often adorned their bodies with symbolic tattoos, the most popular being the triskelion. After the battle was won against the three evil sorcerers, they suggested that Merlin get one to commemorate their connection. Arthur hadn't been too keen on the idea, but they arrived at a compromise. The tattoo wouldn't always show on Merlin's arm - it was only in the presence of strong magic that it would reveal itself.

"How did you know?" Arthur wondered.

"I overheard one of the his students mentioning it once," said George. "My suggestion is that we magically stimulate the tattoo. It's possible that it might trigger a response during Merlin's hallucination."

"What sort of response?" Arthur asked.

"Pain, perhaps," said the physician. "However, it is my hope that it might trigger his memory and help him reason his way out of the hallucination. The numbers on his arm do have some significance, do they not?"

"It's my birthdate," Arthur admitted. "I _hate_ my birthday, and yet Merlin insisted on magically inscribing the date into his flesh."

"He wanted to commemorate the day that his true love came into the world," said Morgana. "I think it's terribly romantic."

"I don't care _what _you think if you can use it to get through to him," said Arthur. "What must you do?"

"I'm not sure," Morgana admitted. "Let me try something." Holding her hand just over the spot on Merlin's arm, she whispered an incantation. Morgana's eyes flashed gold as the numbers on Merlin's skin began to glow for a good five seconds before they faded.

"What now?" Arthur anxiously turned from Morgana back to Merlin, but nothing miraculous happened.

George's expression was grim. "Now, we wait."

.~.

_Merlin awoke to the sound of Arthur's condescending voice._

"_Merlin - wake up," Arthur sneered. "It's been a week - did you miss me?" _

_Merlin bravely stood up, grasping the bars to his cell as he shook off the last vestiges of sleep. Had it really been a week since he'd last seen Arthur? It didn't feel that long. Perhaps he was beginning to lose his memory. After all he'd been through, it wouldn't surprise him. Once again, he felt the familiar pain in his left ear, but he tried to ignore it._

"_Why are you here, other than to taunt me?" Merlin asked._

"_I've decided to give into temptation." Arthur gave him a maniacal grin as Merlin slowly realized what was about to happen to him. In vain, he tried yet again to use his magic - but it was hopeless. _

"_No," Merlin whispered, scooting back into the far corner of his cell as fear began to overtake him. "Arthur, no!"_

"_I _will _take what is mine," Arthur vowed as one of his guards opened the lock to Merlin's cell. "Come here, Merlin," he ordered in a deceptively gentle voice. "I promise I'll make it good for you."_

_Merlin whimpered in fear, wishing with all his might that he had his magic available. Arthur only had to walk inside and take what he wanted. Merlin needed a miracle._

_That was when Merlin felt the skin on his left forearm burn. He hissed with pain as he recognized the numbers 6-21 glowing gold. What did they mean? They must mark something significant, perhaps a date. June twenty-first. Something very important happened on that day. Merlin tried to think, and the pain in his ear intensified. Logically, it had to do with a person who was close to him. Why would else would he have these numbers tattooed onto his skin? June 21st was the summer solstice, but that in itself wasn't important enough. He reasoned that it had to be a birthday of someone he loved. June 21st was the day of the summer solstice, the day with the most light of the year. It was also the day that his Bright One came into the world to one day rise to the throne and bring peace to all the lands..._

_Then Merlin's memories flooded back to him. Arthur, celebrating his 21st birthday, the toasts during the birthday feast, the fact that the day that brings the most light into the world was the day that his king had been born. Arthur had been a shining beacon of hope for Camelot, and for him. How could he ever forget the day that his soulmate had incarnated?_

_Merlin reasoned that someone was helping him, they were giving him a clue as to how to get out of this terrible world. It was then that Merlin knew what he needed to do._

_Crossing his arms, he goaded, "Arthur, when is your birthday?"_

"_Everyone knows when their king's birthday is," said Arthur. "Stop stalling, Merlin."_

"_Really?" Merlin called on false bravado, acting like he hadn't a care in the world. "Then why don't you tell me when it is?"_

"_I don't need to explain myself to you, _Mer_lin." Arthur glared at his former servant. "'l'll teach you the proper way to address your king."_

"_You don't know," Merlin realized. _

"_Of course I know," Arthur scoffed._

"_Then when is it?" Merlin goaded._

_Arthur desperately tried to think of an excuse why Merlin didn't need an answer, but came up blank. He was rattled as to why he couldn't recall the day of his birth. Merlin recognized the look for what it was. _

"_You can't tell me because you don't know."_

"_I know when my own birthday is," Arthur insisted. "I'm just choosing not to tell you."_

"_This isn't real," Merlin proclaimed. "It all adds up. The weird taste of the food. The feeling of deja vu, off seeing things repeat. The children's familiar names. Your uncharacteristic behavior. My ear hurting for no reason. My magic deserting me without any sort of explanation. You not knowing your birthday. I've got to be under some sort of enchantment. Well, I'm not going to play this game anymore." _

"_Merlin, you're mental. You've completely lost your grip on reality." Arthur tried to insult Merlin, as a means of distraction but the warlock didn't fall for it. He'd been distracted many times from putting the pieces together, and he wasn't going to let it happen again._

"_I'm not," Merlin said firmly. "I'm perfectly sane. The only logical explanation is that this all has to be an illusion."_

"_Don't be an idiot, Merlin. No one would ever believe that." Arthur glared at the warlock. _

_Then Merlin spoke his truth, the truth he'd known all along but that he'd never completely believed until now. "You're not my Arthur."_

.~.

Suddenly Merlin jerked upright. He opened his eyes to find Arthur sitting next to him. Morgana and another man were standing in the background, but Merlin was more concerned with Arthur's presence.

"Arthur?" Merlin timidly asked, noting that he was lying in the king's bed, in Arthur's chamber. But this also his chambers - wasn't it?

"It's me," said the king with a tender smile. "You did it, Merlin! You reasoned your way out of the hallucination. I knew you would." He bent over to kiss his warlock's forehead but Merlin quickly shied away.

"Don't touch me," Merlin growled as he moved away from Arthur, putting some distance between them. He was still not sure where he was. Did this Arthur remember their love, or did he wish to take him by force?

"Merlin, it's _me_," Arthur insisted. "What happened?"

"I…" Merlin blanched, remembering just how horrible Arthur had been him, calling him no better than an animal in heat, humiliating him in front of an audience, and arresting him for sorcery. And not to mention there was the last bit, that Merlin didn't want to think about.

"Tell me," Arthur insisted. He supposed that it must've been something awful for Merlin to react in such a way.

"Arthur, you locked me up in the dungeons and I couldn't use my magic to get out. You tried to force me to...service you."

"I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I would _never _do that to you." Arthur soothed as Merlin choked back a sob, his shoulders shaking as he released his emotions. "Merlin, none of that was real. You're in Camelot, with me. There's nothing to be afraid of."

When Merlin began to break down, Morgana tried to rush forward but Arthur held out his hand to stop her. "Just let me talk with him," he pleaded. Morgana nodded, and let Arthur try to calm down Merlin. She would intervene only if needed. She knew that Merlin needed to realize that he was safe, and that_ this_ Arthur was the real one.

"I _was_ in Camelot with you." Merlin cried. "Or at least I thought I was."

Having overheard Merlin's voice, Gwen came in to see him. Arthur exchanged a worried look with his queen as Merlin wasn't calming down.

"You're safe, Merlin," said Gwen. "I promise. I've never lied to you before, and I'm not about to start now."

Merlin kept trembling, barely meeting Gwen's eyes. He didn't know what to believe. Had he made it out? Could he trust these people? Would they try to lock him away again?

"Merlin. Look at me. Look!" Merlin couldn't disobey when Arthur gave a command. His eyes locked with Arthur's and he didn't look away. Merlin allowed the king to reach over and gently brush his sweat-drenched dark bangs away from his forehead. Arthur tried to assuage the look of terror on his sorcerer's face by reassuring him that his ordeal was over, repeating the same sentiment over and over because he knew it was something Merlin needed to hear. "I would never force you to do something you didn't want to. You're here with me, now. You're home. You're out of the illusion. Do you understand?"

"I'm _safe_?" Merlin's voice broke.

"You're safe with me," Arthur promised.

"My magic?" Merlin asked. He couldn't completely be sure if he had made it out of the hallucination without testing his magic first.

"Let's find out. Show me the dragon."

Whenever they needed to check to see if Merlin's magic was working, Arthur would suggest that Merlin call up the first bit of magic he'd ever seen Merlin perform.

Merlin's eyes flashed gold and the familiar shape of the small golden dragon flew around Arthur's form.

"It works!" Merlin's head fell back on the bed in relief. "I'm really back." He reached for Arthur's hand, which quickly clasped his own. He needed a tangible reminder that Arthur was real, that he was indeed back to reality.

"Yes." Arthur nodded. "I was so afraid I was going to lose you, Merlin. I thought you might not wake up. I love you so much."

"Y-you do?"

Arthur frowned. "Of course."

"But you didn't before when we were being intimate in bed and you accused me of being a sorcerer…"

That was when Merlin realized that George was in the room and had witnessed the whole exchange. While Arthur was in bed with him, clutching his arm after confessing his love. And Gwen was present.

"Um," Merlin said nervously, directed at the physician. "It's not what it looks like?"

Morgana couldn't manage to stifle a tiny snort. Anyone with eyes could see how much Arthur and Merlin cared about each other, even if they didn't catch them in bed together. But now that George had, there was little use in denying it. Morgana thought that for all his wisdom, Merlin sometimes wasn't very intelligent.

George chuckled. "Never fear, Merlin. My lips are sealed," he promised. "I'm more concerned with your condition. Are you feeling better? Any sign of a headache? Fever?" He felt Merlin's forehead but the temperature was normal.

"No," Merlin realized. That was when he felt a twinge of pain in his left ear.

Arthur gasped as he watched the sleeping slug admit defeat and crawl out of Merlin's ear. He grabbed it and passed it on to Morgana, who used magical means to kill it.

"Is it dead?" Arthur had to know.

"It's dead," Morgana proclaimed. "Good riddance. Those things are a menace."

"What was that?" Merlin asked, disgusted by the fact that whatever it was had been living in his ear, of all places.

"It was a sleeping slug," George informed Merlin. "It produced the hallucination that you just experienced."

"We tried to stimulate your tattoo to help you remember. Did it work?"

"Yes," said Merlin, remembering how the tattoo had helped him realize that the hallucination wasn't real. "Thank you."

The physician nodded. "I'll leave you to it. I'm so glad you pulled through." He, Morgana, and Gwen left, giving Merlin and Arthur some much needed privacy. He scooted a little closer to Arthur, and rested his forehead against the king's.

"So none of that which I experienced was real," Merlin realized.

"No," said Arthur.

"It felt real," Merlin said quietly. "But the illusion wasn't perfect. There were a few glitches, which helped me realize that something strange was happening."

"Tell me what else happened," Arthur urged.

"It was awful," Merlin recalled, moving away from Arthur so he could sit up properly. But he didn't break his hold on Arthur's hand. "I had these memories of us, of our life, but everyone kept telling me that I was crazy, that they didn't happen. But I_ knew_ they were real."

"I'm glad you didn't lose hope," said Arthur. "If you had, you wouldn't be here right now. The only way for you to shatter the hallucination was if you saved yourself, if you rejected the false reality."

"But I _did_ lose hope," Merlin remembered. "I was convinced that you were going to r-rape me." He shuddered, and Arthur squeezed his hand in reassurance. It was all that the king dared do at this point. "If I hadn't seen the tattoo, I never would've figured it out."

"So you had help. So what?" Arthur shrugged. "You _never_ gave me magical help in order to save my life." He smiled, hoping that Merlin would get the humor behind his words.

But Merlin didn't seem to find his remark funny. "Arthur, this was different."

"No, it wasn't," Arthur insisted. "We helped you, and it worked. What is wrong with that?"

"I should've been able to figure it out for myself," Merlin castigated himself. "I should've known that you never would've acted that way towards me. I should've known it was an illusion, right from the start."

"George told me how powerful the sleeping slugs are," said Arthur. "They influence the mind, make you believe that what you see is real. You can't blame yourself. Anyone would've gotten lost in the illusion. I'm just happy that you're back. Can we focus on that?"

"Yeah." Merlin took a shaky breath and let it out slowly. "Arthur, _please_."

Without a word, Arthur got into bed and curled his body around Merlin's. He snugly draped his arm around Merlin's stomach and entwined their feet. He leaned over and kissed Merlin's cheek.

Merlin gave a small sigh, and Arthur felt his body began to relax. "Arthur?"

"Yes, love?"

"Do we know who gave me the slug?"

Arthur's body tensed. "No, but once I find them, I'm going to make them pay."

"I hope you do find them, so they won't hurt anybody else. Don't kill them though," said Merlin. "It wouldn't be right."

"What are you talking about?" Arthur turned Merlin around so that they could talk face to face. "They as good as killed you! They deserve to die."

"I just don't think that the punishment fits the crime. Can't we just banish them?"

"I'll think about it," said Arthur, which probably meant no. But Merlin didn't feel like arguing about it at the moment.

"Arthur?" Merlin asked in a small voice.

"Yes, Merlin?"

"Um, when we 'do stuff' again, do you promise to stay with me afterwards so I don't feel so wrecked when I'm coming down?"

"I always stay with you," Arthur reminded him. "That's not going to change now."

"I know that," said Merlin. "It's just… I experienced that rejection and I never want to feel that again."

"And you never will," Arthur vowed. "Not as long as I'm around."

"Good," said Merlin, sounding relieved.

Arthur tightened his hold on Merlin, who appreciated the gesture. They lay there together, enjoying the closeness. Arthur had never been more grateful to have Merlin alive and safe in his arms. He thought that since Merlin was immortal, he would never find himself in a situation where he could lose him. He'd been wrong.

"Merlin?" Arthur asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Yes?"

"Do try and keep out of trouble, will you?" Arthur suggested, trying to bring their old dynamic back to break through the heavy mood. "You seem to attract all kinds of unsavory types. A sleeping slug - _honestly_."

"I'll try," said Merlin. "But I can't make any promises."

"I know," Arthur said quietly. "Can you pretend and promise me anyway, even though we both know that such things are out of our control?"

"I promise to be as careful as I can," Merlin vowed. "Now you promise."

"I swear it, on my honor as a knight and king, that I shall do my best best to stay safe," said Arthur. "I always want to be there for you, Merlin."

"Thanks." Merlin gave him a wry smile before his expression turned serious. "I love you, Arthur."

"I love you too," the king declared. "I hope you never forget that again."

Merlin yawned. "Me too. "

After a quick peck on the lips, they turned back around so Arthur could hold Merlin again. Merlin drifted off to sleep, exhausted from his ordeal. Arthur had a council meeting to attend in an hour, but until then, he would stay right here with his court sorcerer, who he loved more than life itself.

.~.

The End

A/N: What'd you think? Did it match up with the other chapter alright? Feedback is really appreciated.

A/N2: Coincidentally, Prince William's birthday is on June 21st. His first middle name is actually Arthur. :P

_2X06 35:00 anachronism_


	58. Bonus Ch21 Merlin's Cracktastic Birthday

Disclaimer: Merthur does not belong to me. I will make credits for the quotes at the end, so I don't spoil the surprises.

A/N: Time for teh crack fic! Warning for the F word.

.~.

Chapter 21 - Merlin's Cracktastic Birthday

.~.

It was Merlin's 24th birthday, and Camelot threw a great celebration to honor the sorcerer who had saved them all more times than he could count. It was nice, he supposed, to get some of the credit for keeping the kingdom safe. In the old days, Arthur and the knights always got the credit. But now, he no longer had to hide his magic, and with his position as Court Sorcerer, life was pretty great. Also, he had Arthur, in all the ways that mattered. Advising the king, waking and bathing the king, sleeping with the king, fucking the king… Well, it was usually Arthur fucking _him_, but Merlin wasn't picky about that sort of thing. He was Arthur's secret consort, they were bonded to each other forever, and he couldn't have been happier.

That morning, King Arthur had gotten up early to make sure that everything was in order to make Merlin's birthday perfect for the man that he loved. He shouldn't have worried. The servants had outdone themselves with the decorations, and hung them along the eaves with the help of Merlin's students. And the food! The cooks had baked delicious meat pies, prepared roast chicken and duck, to be served with white wine flavored gravy. The royal gardener had supplied the fruits and vegetables, including cherries, which were Merlin's favorite. Fresh hot bread and wheels of cheese rounded out the feast. For dessert, there were cakes, cookies, and sugary concoctions of every kind, including those of the chocolate variety. It was every bit a lavish celebration and Arthur had probably overdone it. But the king had wanted to show Merlin how much he meant to him, and that meant sparing no expense.

As soon as the sun peeked through the curtains, Arthur woke Merlin for a change and wished him a happy birthday. Merlin broke out in a grin, thrilled that his Arthur remembered. It was wonderful to be acknowledged by the love of his life on his birthday. It was a new first. He and Arthur had shared many firsts in the last year. Those moments were very special to Merlin, and he treasured each one, committing them to memory so that he could recall them when he and Arthur were old and gray.

King and Court Sorcerer exchanged a quick kiss before getting ready for the day. Arthur led Merlin to the throne room, under the guise of a council meeting. He made sure to watch Merlin's expression as he entered the throne room and took in the festivities. He hoped that Merlin was impressed - he wanted to show the love of his life how much that he and their subjects appreciated all that he did to protect them. Honestly, a feast even as ostentatious as this one wasn't nearly enough to repay Merlin for what he did, what he sacrificed. A lesser man would've fallen to the temptation of power and taken the throne for himself. But Merlin would_ never_ do something like that - he wouldn't even consider it. Merlin wanted Arthur and only Arthur to rule. To Arthur, that was very humbling.

Arthur need not have worried. Merlin's bright blue eyes shone with delight as he took in the sights. Arthur was always taken aback by Merlin's childlike expression of wonder and fascination as he regarded something mundane like flowers, or in this case, paper lanterns. But even Arthur had to admit, the lanterns did look quite stunning with the enchantments that made them sparkle and glow Pendragon red and gold.

"Sire, you have truly outdone yourself," said Merlin, honoring Arthur by addressing him by his proper title. He did so occasionally, just to keep Arthur on his toes. "Thank you. It truly isn't necessary. We never made a fuss of such things back home. In fact, you never celebrated my birthday before in the years I've been in your service. What's the occasion?"

"Last year, you weren't my court sorcerer," Arthur said with a grin and a wink, reminding Merlin of that fateful day in the forest when their secrets were shared and their love was declared. "But don't thank me yet. You haven't even seen the entertainment," said Arthur, clapping Merlin on the back, all he dared do in public. "I've commissioned only the best for my-"

The doors were magically thrown open to reveal a jester and his dancing troupe of acrobats. The garishly dressed jester approached the throne, and bowed to King Arthur. He was dressed head to toe in the god-awful combination of chartreuse and fuchsia. Then he nodded to Merlin before turning to the crowd and announcing, "I am Trickler the Fool. I come to share my jokes, laughter, and of course, magic. I wish the happiest of birthdays to Lord Merlin, savior of Camelot."

"Savior?" Arthur scoffed. "_I'm_ the king. That's going a bit too far," said the young monarch, but no one heard him over the cheering.

"_I'm the savior, you're not,"_ Merlin mouthed at Arthur, just because he knew it would piss him off.

Arthur glared at his court sorcerer, thinking of all the wonderful ways that he could punish Merlin after all this was over.

Trickler didn't waste any time before beginning his act. "For my first trick, I'll conjure butterflies from thin air!" The fool raised his hand, muttered a spell, and the ladies of the court were inundated with shimmering blue butterflies.

The women politely expressed their appreciation, except for Morgana, who didn't bother to hide a yawn.

"Does my magic bore you, my lady?" Trickler asked.

"It's _nice_," said Morgana, with a tone that implied it was anything but. "It's just that I'm the most powerful witch in all Camelot. Forgive me for not applauding your cheap tricks. Merlin and I have used our magic to defend the city from dark sorcerers. To us, this is child's play."

"She's right. Butterflies aren't very exciting," said Arthur. "Not when you've had Merlin, er had Merlin around, that is. You'll have to do something really special to impress us. And I suggest you do it soon, as so you don't spoil my court sorcerer's day." Arthur's voice was light, but the threat was implied.

"Very well," said Trickler, not bothering to hide a creepy smirk. "Now that I have your permission, I shall continue my act." He whispered a few words and waved his hand at Arthur.

Without warning, Arthur stood up, cleared his throat, and began to sing, "_United we stand, now and forever. In truth, divided we fall."_

Sir Gwaine stood up next to Arthur, and joined in. _ "Hand in hand, brother to brother, no one shall be greater than all." _He and Arthur demonstrated this sentiment by clasping hands

"_It's been ten years we celebrate all that makes our kingdom great,"_ Arthur continued.

"_Liberty and justice for all." _ Gwaine added.

"_Each of us shall now divide in equal shares our countryside, promising equality for all who reside," _Arthur sang, his gorgeous tenor tone ringing throughout the throne room. Merlin had to admit, Arthur was a good singer. It was so frustrating how Arthur was good at everything he tried. It made him very attractive. Of course Arthur had plenty of flaws as well, one being his temper. The warlock had been on the receiving end of that too many times. But Merlin enjoyed being on the receiving end, probably more than he should. Merlin blushed at that line of thinking.

The warlock was amused by the spectacle, but he didn't want Arthur to get too cross when he realized that he'd been ensorcelled. So, Merlin blocked Trickler's spell.

"Arthur, we're not dividing up Camelot," Merlin cut in.

"We're not?" Arthur pouted as the song came to a halt.

Gwaine frowned, not sure why he was standing up next to his king. He promptly sat back down, sure he'd been made a fool of. By the fool. Sometimes Gwaine hated irony.

"No, Arthur. You were put under a spell for a bit," Merlin gently broke it to him. "But you do have a beautiful singing voice, even if that 'united we stand' stuff sounded suspiciously patriotic and pertaining to a country that doesn't yet exist."

"I've been under a _spell_?" Arthur sputtered. "_You're_ the court sorcerer. I keep you around so that this sort of thing doesn't happen. Why aren't you doing your job?"

"Because it's my birthday, and it was funny," Merlin said honestly.

"Arthur, you should've seen yourself!" Morgana snickered. "You were really getting into it!"

"I see we have another volunteer. Excellent!" Trickler clapped his hands together in delight. He waved his hand and suddenly Merlin, Arthur, and Morgana were center stage in the throne room. They began to act out a play of Trickler's design.

"Morgana! There's some lovely magic crystals down here …" Merlin pretended to see Arthur for the first time. "Oh! How d'you do?"

"How d'you do, sir ... I am Arthur, King of the Horny," said Arthur. "Can you tell me who lives in that castle there?"

"King of the WHO?" Merlin asked, not sure he was hearing things correctly.

"The Horny," Arthur repeated.

"Who are the Horny?" Merlin and Morgana wondered.

"All of us are ... we are all horny. Well, hopefully not all at the same time." said Arthur. "Then, life would literally be a clusterfuck." He straightened up, stuck his nose in the air, and tried to look a bit more haughty and intimidating. "For your information, I am your king."

"No shit," said Merlin. "I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were  
an autonomous somewhat magically-inclined collective."

"Well, you're wrong." Arthur said. "And I am right. Obviously."

"Bullshit," said Merlin, happily starting an argument with the much too handsome man. "We're living in a dictatorship. It's a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes, the servants, are taken advantage of by their kings, and not in the good way. Not in the way I wish you would..."

Morgana shook her head. "There you are, Merlin, bringing servants into it."

"Please, good people. I'm on a quest to find the kitchens," said Arthur, gesturing with his sword. "I have a severe hankering for a fruit tart. But before I go, I must know - who is your lord?

"Morgana likes to think she can lord over me," said Merlin. "But the truth is, we don't have a lord."

"He's right," Morgana added. "The last one left after he spent the night in my bed. I'm afraid I completely wore him out, if you know what I mean."

Sir Leon, Morgana's husband, went bright red. He didn't want people to get the wrong idea about him and Morgana, even if what she said was true.

"What?" Arthur stumbled over himself in shock. "But you _have_ to have a lord. How else can you look after yourselves? Without one of the nobility to guide you, you'd be lost. Especially since you have magic. You'd probably blow each other up without a proper lord to bring order to your pathetic lives."

"That's very hurtful," said Merlin with a frown. "I told you, We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune," the warlock explained.

"I see," said Arthur, even though he didn't know what most of those words meant.

"I don't think you do," said Merlin. "You see, we take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week."

"Sounds kinky," said Arthur with a grin. "Here's an idea. Why don't_ I_ become your lord?"

"But all the decisions of that officer …" Merlin prattled on, all the while blushing as he watched as Arthur removed his brown leather jacket and then his crimson tunic that he'd worn to the feast. He really wouldn't mind if Arthur showed him who was boss. In fact, he might fantasize about it on a regular basis.

"Yes, I see." Arthur slowly approached Merlin, like a predator circling his prey.

"It must be approved at a bi-weekly meeting by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs," Merlin continued.

"Be quiet!" Arthur commanded, getting exasperated with this insolent - but very cute - peasant. "Are you just talking to hear yourself speak?"

"But a two-thirds majority…" Merlin swallowed hard as he began to harden in his pants. He really loved it when Arthur got demanding, not that he'd ever tell the prat. He'd never hear the end of it.

"Shut up!" Arthur snapped, as he began to grow aroused as well. He secretly loved it when Merlin verbally defied him. "I order you to shut up."

"Make me!" Merlin gulped, it had just slipped out.

Arthur looked like he was about to do just that when they were conveniently interrupted.

"Order, eh - who does he think he is?" Morgana chuckled.

"I am your king!" Arthur reminded her. "I'm the greatest ruler in all the land. Show me some respect and I might give you two a favor."

"What kind of favor?" Merlin asked, looking up at Arthur through fluttering eyelashes.

Arthur smirked at the warlock. "The kind where a servant takes care of his master."

"Oh, that kind of favor." Merlin gulped, hoping that Arthur wasn't able to read his thoughts. He was imagining a scene that played out in Arthur's bedroom, where the king displayed his dominance and Merlin happily let him take him any and every which way possible known to man.

Then, Morgana spoke and ruined everything.

"By the way, how did you get to be king?" Morgana asked, bewildered. "I didn't vote for you."

Arthur laughed. "You don't vote for kings."

Morgana asked, perplexed, "well, how did you become king, then?"

"I was secretly conceived with magic," Arthur confessed. "My parents couldn't produce a child naturally, so they asked the sorceress Nimueh to help them. Then, when my mom died giving birth to me, my father was so desperate and horny that he purged the kingdom of anyone who used sexual magic to enhance their lovemaking. He was just jealous that he had no one to bang that he loved. So many needless deaths." Arthur shook his head in disgust. "Also, I have the sword Excalibur. I pulled it out of the stone and everything!" He finished lamely with, "and that is why I am your king!

"Look, pulling a sword out of a stone ... that's no basis for a system of government," Merlin insisted. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some outdated phallic mythic ceremony."

"Will you shut up?!" Arthur roared.

"You're talking about your sword and pulling it out of something. How could I not mention the word 'phallic'?" Merlin asked, an evil smirk in his eye.

Arthur grabbed Merlin by the collar, and Merlin told himself not to breathe as Arthur's hands deliciously closed around his windpipe. "Shut up, will you. Just shut up!"

Merlin gasped out, "Ahh! Now we see the repression inherent in the system!"

He and Arthur stared deeply into each other's eyes and the undercurrent of lust fizzed between them. Merlin's magic flared. It realized that something else was happening to them, some unseen force had a hold of them. Merlin's magic, now aware of the threat, quickly freed him, Arthur, and Morgana from Trickler's spell.

"Leave us alone," Merlin snapped, turning to address Trickler. He was worried, as he found that his magic was no match for this seemingly simple jester.

"Merlin, Merlin, Merlin… you're spoiling all my fun. Tsk, tsk," said Trickler. "No matter. I'll send you somewhere no one can find you." The jester held out his hand and sent a spell Merlin's way. To Arthur's surprise and horror, Merlin disappeared.

"Merlin?" Arthur called, but the love of his life did not respond. He then turned to Trickler. "Did you make him invisible?"

"No," Trickler smirked. "He's not here, my king. I sent him somewhere else."

"Where did you send him?" Arthur asked, narrowing his eyes at the possibly formidable sorcerer.

"I sent him to Bermuda, in the 20th century." Trickler chuckled, thinking about all the trouble that medieval minded Merlin could run into.

"What?" A confused frown appeared on Arthur's handsome face. "That's not a real place. I've never heard of it."

"Oh, just because you've never heard of it means it can't exist?" The fool shook his head. "You really are that arrogant."

"I don't care where you've sent him - bring him back!" Arthur ordered, but the magician just shrugged.

"In a little while," said the man, casually leaning against the wall. "When I'm ready."

Arthur saw red. "Bring my.. er, bring Merlin back, now! If you don't, I'll lock you in the dungeons for a week, with nothing to eat."

A great gasp arose throughout the room. Arthur had never threatened anyone with a punishment that made them go hungry. The king must care a great deal indeed about Merlin if he'd been pushed to this point. Arthur realized this, too late. He'd unknowingly revealed his only weakness. Any citizen of Camelot knew it, but it was possible that Trickler hadn't known. What if they couldn't bring Merlin back? Arthur didn't want to think about life without his slightly dim but loveable warlock by his side. Without Merlin, he would be lost. Worse, he'd be without his true love to bang, and wouldn't that be a tragedy! But Arthur shouldn't have worried.

Suddenly, Merlin reappeared in a cloud of gold, skidding across the throne room in the strangest shoes Arthur had ever seen. They were red, yet the toes were white and they featured white criss-cross laces. Merlin's get up was rather odd as well. He wore baggy, loose fitting yellow shorts with adorned with a lazily drawn palm trees. The shirt swallowed him whole, a hideous striped garment of red, yellow, and blue. Upon his head sat a red cap with an elongated brim. Merlin's eyes were covered by dark glasses, which he immediately took off and threw them across the room. "I can't see hardly anything in these!"

Sir Lancelot caught them and put them on. Gwen's heart began to race as she saw her protector wearing the strange glasses - she thought they made him look irresistible. She wondered what he'd look like with _just_ the glasses on.

"What are you _wearing_?" Arthur stared at Merlin, dumbfounded by his warlock's appearance while secretly relieved that his love was still in one piece. "You look_ ridiculous_!" Arthur hoped that this insult towards Merlin would help convince his subjects that Arthur didn't, in fact, favor Merlin over anyone else. Although, that really was a lost cause.

"Why yes, Arthur, I am, in fact, unharmed," Merlin said sarcastically. "Thank you so much for your concern."

"You have magic, I knew you would be fine," said Arthur. "What the hell happened to you?"

"It's a long story," said Merlin. He gave a shudder. "I don't like Bermuda - too many half naked people. I'd rather stay here, thanks."

"How on Earth did he manage to transport you?" Arthur wanted to know.

"Because he's not who he says he is." Merlin's eyes flashed and the fool's get-up disappeared, leaving behind some sort of strange-looking red and black uniform with a little triangular figure upon the right side of his chest. "Funny you should ask how on Earth he moved me, when he's not even from Earth at all!"

"That's impossible," Arthur said with a frown. "Everyone is from Earth."

Merlin sighed, wondering if he could ever expand Arthur's limited knowledge of the universe. How could he make Arthur understand that Earth was like a globe floating in space, and wasn't flat at all, like they'd all been taught to believe? It was a lost cause.

Trickler, who wasn't really Trickler at all, was speaking. "My name is Q. I come from a world far away from this one, part of a Continuum of other talented beings like myself. I meant to travel to Earth in 2364, but somehow I ended up here in this backward century. My powers have been lessened considerably since my exile. I knew I had to see Merlin, as he's the only one who has the power to send me back. He's quite famous, you know."

"Excuse me," Morgana bristled at the accusation. "I'm quite powerful myself. It's just like a man, only thinking another fellow man could help."

"I doubt I can send you back by myself," Merlin said truthfully. "Transporting to a different time - that sounds tricky. Why don't you just send yourself back? You've already demonstrated you have the power to send me away."

"It doesn't work that way," Q looked put out. "The Continuum currently holds me in contempt. They've left me stranded here for a crime that I most definitely didn't commit, and I cannot leave by my own steam."

"I'd love to help you out," said Merlin. "You're a pain in the ass, and I'd love to be rid of you. But I'll need to combine my power with Morgana's to send you back."

"Good luck getting me to do that, Q," Morgana smirked. "Also, that's a really unimaginative name."

"Yes, I get that a lot," sighed Q. "I'm sorry, Lady Morgana, for insulting you earlier. I hope you will let bygones be bygones."

"You think a mere apology will make me change my mind?" Morgana laughed. "It doesn't work like that. Just ask Leon."

"She's right," Leon admitted.

Morgana asked Q, "Why are you in such a hurry to get back to your time anyway?"

Q shifted uncomfortably. "It's rather embarrassing. A being of my powers, harboring secret feelings for the most attractive bald man I've met and not being able to do anything about it. His name is Jean-Luc, but he doesn't like me at all. All I seem to do is annoy him, even though I try and try to impress him with my powers. He then turned to Arthur, then to Merlin, then back to Arthur again. He gave them a knowing smile. "It's a bit like you and Mmmmph!" Q just happened to lose his power to speak at that moment.

Merlin did his best to look innocent. "Morgana, what do you say we help him out? So he can get back to his love?"

"Very well," said Morgana, but she looked annoyed.

With Merlin and Morgana's powers combined, they were able to send Q back to where he belonged. Everyone heaved a sigh of relief when they found the throne room to be Q free.

"Is he really gone?" Arthur asked.

"He won't be bothering us any longer," Merlin promised. "We sent him back to his Jean-Luc, whoever that is. I have to say, Arthur, this was not your best judgement in choosing the entertainment." The sorcerer shook his head in dismay.

"That's not my fault!" Arthur protested. "How was I supposed to know that I'd hired some guy named Q?"

"You wouldn't," Merlin relented. "At least he was amusing, and there was no lasting damage."

"By our standards, he was relatively tame," Arthur agreed. "Nobody died or got injured or anything. I count that as a win."

"Whew, I'm really tired after all that," said Merlin feigning a headache. "I think I'll just take some food in your chambers."

"But the feast!" Arthur protested. "I had your students work so hard on the decorations and-" Arthur caught Merlin's eye. "Ohhhh, you're _tired._ Well, Merlin - it is your birthday. If you want to retire early, that's your prerogative. You know, I'm feeling a bit knackered myself. Mind if I join you?"

"Of course not," said Merlin, with a tiny wink.

They adjourned together, leaving two seats available at the royal table. One of the visiting knights took Merlin's spot, so he could better converse with Morgana.

"I think the rumors are true.," said the knight, under his breath. "The king is involved with the court sorcerer," said Sir Belvedere, who was visiting from the neighboring kingdom of Mercia.

"What gave you that idea, other than the fact that they left together, they wouldn't stop gazing at each other, there was much snarky banter between them, and that Arthur got really pissed that Q took his Merlin away?" Morgana asked.

"All of the above," said Belvedere. "They really need to try harder if they want to pretend that Arthur and Guinevere are being faithful." He glanced over to see Guinevere laughing and fawning all over Sir Lancelot while sitting in his lap.

"Or not," said Belvedere.

Morgana chuckled. "Welcome to Camelot, land of the horny."

.~.

THE END!

A/N: I need teh feedbacks!

Here are the credits for the King Arthur centric movie quotes that I used...

Quest for Camelot - the United We Stand song

The Sword in the Stone - Merlin goes to 20th century Bermuda

Monty Python and the Holy Grail - The whole play bit, starting with How do you do, ending with the repression in the system. Of course I modified it quite a bit.

Q comes from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Q has a crush on Captain Jean-Luc Picard. Well, I totally made that up, but there is a funny scene in TNG when they're in bed together, totally out of context though. Still counts!


	59. Bonus Chapter - Merlin's Fear

Disclaimer: Merlin isn't mine. He belongs to Arthur, and Arthur belongs to Merlin. It's that simple.

A/N: Takes place after Chapter 19, Merlin's Worst Nightmare. I just rewatched Season 1's 'Valiant' and wanted to have them comment on that.

.~.

Bonus Chapter 22: Merlin's Fear

.~.

It was the night that Merlin had awoken from the spell-induced nightmare produced by the sleeping slug. Merlin, understandably, was traumatized. He'd been rejected, verbally abused, and humiliated by dream-Arthur, and it was taking him awhile to sort out that none of it had been real. Of _course_ Arthur would never want to burn him at the stake for being a sorcerer, or drag him out into the crowd-filled hall naked, or mock him for being loud in bed. But existing in that dream world, it had felt so _real_! Merlin needed some time before he felt like he could trust himself to be sexually intimate with Arthur.

As usual, they had taken dinner together and discussed the topics of the day. When the sun set, they started their nightly routine. After they were locked in, they bid Lancelot and Guinevere goodnight, who slept in the adjoining smaller chamber. Arthur and Merlin climbed into their bed, with the warlock on the left side of the bed, and the king on the right. Arthur noted that Merlin had left his undergarments on, even though they both normally slept in the nude. The court sorcerer quickly blew out the candle by the bedside, and scooted close to Arthur. The king immediately pulled Merlin into his arms, holding him tightly as they adjusted themselves and got comfortable. They lay just like that for a few minutes. When Merlin didn't start talking, Arthur could tell that something was different. Usually, Merlin would prattle on, continuing the topic of conversation that they'd discussed at dinner. But tonight, Merlin was silent.

"Are you feeling alright?" Arthur asked, concerned by Merlin's lack of annoying behavior.

"Yes, just tired," said the warlock, feigning exhaustion. He didn't want to trouble Arthur with his unreasonable fears, and hoped that they could just go to sleep.

But Arthur didn't get the message. The king found Merlin's hand nestled under the covers, and placed it over his crotch so that Merlin could feel how much Arthur wanted him.

"Did you want to…" Arthur trailed off, hoping that Merlin would be amenable to his advances.

Merlin tensed, and pulled away. "I'm sorry, Arthur - I can't right now. I can't get the hallucination out of my head. I know you're not that person, but I don't feel comfortable doing that yet."

Arthur was deeply hurt, but he didn't tell Merlin. He promised that he was happy just to be with Merlin, even if they weren't doing anything sexual. That was what he was supposed to say in that situation. But what he really wanted to say is that it_ hurt _that Merlin was punishing him for something that he didn't do. Then he had the insight that, although it hurt for him to be denied, it must be hurting Merlin even _more_ to say no to the man he loved, especially when he didn't have a good reason. Arthur wasn't cheered by this insight at all. What a mess! Whenever he got his hands on whoever gave Merlin the sleeping slug, they'd wish they'd never been born.

"Merlin?" Arthur said softly.

"Hmm?" The warlock sounded miserable, wishing that he wasn't so weak and that he could just get over his ridiculous fear. But he couldn't, at least not right then.

"Please don't feel bad - it's really alright. We can wait until you're ready," Arthur vowed, praying that Merlin would be ready tomorrow night. The king really hated going without, especially when he was used to… well. They usually had a very colorful sex life, all behind locked doors because Merlin wanted it that way. He didn't approve of Arthur's taste for public displays of affection. After that one time in the throne room, Merlin had firmly put his foot down. Arthur had been disappointed, but knew it was for the best. They couldn't take the chance that they'd be caught and their illicit love affair exposed.

"Thanks," Merlin said quietly.

"You're welcome," Arthur muttered, trying to keep the resentment from his voice. Merlin's hand soon found his in the darkness, needing more reassurance that Arthur wasn't holding this against him. "We'll get through this, Merlin," Arthur vowed. "You'll see. It will work itself out."

Merlin didn't reply. They lay there, each lost in thought.

"Arthur?" Merlin asked in a small voice.

"Yes?"

"I always wondered about the time Knight Valiant tried to kill you in the tournament with his enchanted snakes," said Merlin, shuddering as he remembered how close they'd come to killing Arthur. "I came to you with hardly any evidence concerning his treachery, but you believed me anyway, and without much persuasion. Why? You'd only known me for a week."

"What made you think of that?" Arthur wanted to know.

"I don't know. I glanced at your armor before we got into bed, and I was reminded of the first time I dressed you in it. It was right before the tournament when you defeated Valiant."

"I believed you because I knew you." Arthur gently squeezed Merlin's hand. "I know I'm not always the best judge of character..."

Merlin snorted at that, remembering Agravaine and all the others who'd tried to take advantage of Arthur's trusting nature.

Arthur continued on. "But I could tell that you had a good heart and that all you wanted was to protect me. When you came to me about Valiant, I could tell that you were terrified for me, that I might lose my life to him. You were so earnest as you made your case about the magic snakes, so brave to even mention it to me. How could I _not_ believe you?"

"But I was just your servant at that time, and a new one at that. My word shouldn't have counted for anything," Merlin reminded him.

"You've_ never_ been just my servant, even though I've said otherwise," Arthur confessed. "I've always been drawn to you, and I felt that attraction the minute I met you."

"It was the same for me," Merlin admitted. "When we first met, I hated the way you were mistreating that poor servant boy, but your presence…" He smiled. "I don't know how to explain it. I knew you were someone special, even if I didn't yet know why."

"When our witness died, so did our chance to prove that Valiant was using magic," Arthur remembered. "I yelled at you that day and I sacked you, all because my pride had been torn to shreds and my father had publicly expressed his disappointment. I don't think I ever apologized for that. I know it's years too late, but… I'm sorry."

Merlin chuckled. "Don't worry about it, Arthur. It was so long ago!"

"I know, but I never should've gone that far, I _never_ should've sacked you." Arthur's lower lip began to tremble, and he bit it to make it stop. "What if you'd gone home and never came back? I would've missed out on the love of my life, on everything that we've built together."

Merlin could hear the desperation in Arthur's voice, and he noted that this Arthur sounded nothing like the cold, sadistic faux Arthur in his hallucination. Merlin needed to remember that his Arthur would never purposely hurt him, never want to humiliate or embarrass him. He might be a prat at times, but he was not cruel.

"I shouldn't have taken my temper out on you," said Arthur. "It wasn't your fault that our witness died," said the king. "Merlin, there are times I wish I could rewrite the past and take back everything that I've said and done to you in anger. You didn't deserve that."

"I'm sure I deserved some of it," Merlin admitted. "I knew you weren't really mad at me, but at your lot in life, having to carry out the whims of your father when all you wanted was to keep your people safe. You were under a lot of pressure to always succeed. I learned not to take it personally."

"That's good," Arthur said, relieved. "But that doesn't excuse my behavior towards you. I never should've acted that way, nor should I have taken you for granted. You are so precious to me, Merlin. I don't think you understand just _how_ precious. I would do anything for you. You're the love of my life, and I never want you to forget that."

"Thanks," said Merlin. "I think I needed to hear that from you right now."

Wishing to show Merlin that sentiment, Arthur began to kiss his way up Merlin's neck, ending up nipping his sorcerer's ear.

"Is this alright?" Arthur asked, stopping to make sure that Merlin was enjoying this..

"Yes," said Merlin. "It's more than alright."

Arthur returned to his work, leaving soft bites down Merlin's left shoulder, and soothing them with a gentle swipe of his tongue. Merlin let out a soft moan of pleasure, not bothering to stifle it. Arthur pulled away, not wanting to push his warlock too far.

"I love you, Merlin," the king declared as Merlin settled against his chest. "I would never hurt you. I'm not the man you saw in your nightmare."

"I know," Merlin whispered, yet the fear remained.

They fell into an uneasy asleep, the unspoken tension between them continuing to threaten their happiness.

The End

A/N: More to come in the next chapter!


	60. Bonus Ch 23 - Learning To Trust Again

Disclaimer: Merlin doesn't belong to me. He's Arthur's! The end.

A/N: Whoever send the 200th review gets a shout-out!

A/N2: At the end of the story, Arthur and Merlin had a telepathic bond. They stopped using it after a few bonus chapters, and here's the reason why. Now they will be using it again, and will communicate with thought-speech! Denoted by /

.~.

Chapter 23: Learning To Trust Again

.~.

After they finished discussing the recent senseless killings in the neighboring kingdom of Mercia - more than likely secretly organized by the evil Lord Drumpf - Arthur dismissed the council. He watched as his knights and Geoffrey dispersed, along with Morgana and Gwen, who waved goodbye to him. The king had one more audience with an unnamed visitor before it was time for lunch. Arthur took a seat on his throne, informed his guards that he was ready to receive his audience, and thought about how much he wanted chicken for lunch.

As the door opened, Arthur's mind drifted from lunch to Merlin. He wondered if his love would feel comfortable enough to be intimate later that night. Merlin was still suffering the effects of his hallucination, when he'd dreamed up an Arthur who had humiliated him in bed, had almost had him burned for sorcery, and had almost raped him in the dungeons. Thankfully Arthur and Morgana had found a way to help Merlin escape the illusion, but poor Merlin still didn't trust Arthur enough to return to their usual expressions of intimacy. It was causing both of them a lot of pain, and Arthur wished he knew how to fix it. He was brought back to the present when the doors closed behind his visitor.

"Greetings, King Arthur." A strong, female voice addressed him properly, and nodded her head in acknowledgement. She approached the throne, and politely bowed, but Arthur didn't feel like he was the one in charge of the situation. He closely regarded the woman. She had rather severe, swooping dark eyebrows, but they did not detract from her otherworldly beauty. A silver diadem sat upon her brow, her black, wavy hair flowing down her shoulders, obscuring her ears from view. She carried herself with the air of nobility. The mysterious woman stared at Arthur, looking into his very soul. The king couldn't help but feel unnerved.

"Who are you?" Arthur commanded.

"I am called T'Gem." The woman brought her hands together and gave him a small bow. "I am glad that we finally meet. I come from a land far, far away from here."

"Are you from across the sea?" Arthur asked.

"You could say that," said the young woman.

"That is quite a feat," said the king, wondering why this woman would travel so far just to have an audience with him. "Why are you here?"

"I'm here to answer a distress call," said the woman. "Someone was having difficulty shielding his bondmate from telepathic interference with forces that we shall call, meddlesome."

"You heard Merlin," said Arthur, impressed. "He's my… well, I'm sure you know what he is to me. We started having trouble with our new bond months ago. We barely had any time to enjoy it before the attacks on my mind began. Merlin called them psychic attacks. There were a few sorcerers and sorceresses from afar that could benefit from accessing my thoughts, especially concerning the defenses of Camelot. They tried to command my mind, but Merlin prevented it.

However, it was too draining for Merlin to shield me all the time, so he eventually admitted defeat and shut off our connection. I missed it, of course, but in time, I practically forgot that it had existed. But for Merlin…" Arthur trailed off. "I could tell it really affected him, the loss of our telepathy. He tried to hide it from me, not wanting me to worry. But I knew. He yearned for that closeness, of those few wonderful days when our bond was new. Are you going to help him?"

"I am going to helpboth of you," said T'Gem. "I have a fair amount of knowledge when it comes to telepathic bonds. You and Merlin need not sever or block yours."

"I'm willing to do whatever it takes," Arthur vowed. "I want this, mostly for Merlin. But also for myself."

T'Gem nodded. "I have several techniques I can teach you."

"Should I tell Merlin that you're here?" Arthur suggested.

"That will not be necessary," said the woman. "I have already contacted him."

"Using your mind," said Arthur, frowning at the thought of someone else using telepathy to commune with_ his_ Merlin.

"Do not worry, young king," said the woman. "I would never harm another's bonded. It is against my people's most sacred law."

"Forgive me if I don't automatically trust you," said Arthur. "I've had enough people betray me over the years, people that I would've sworn were my friends. I believe I have the right to be suspicious."

T'Gem blinked at him. Then she approached the king, reaching out her hand and gently placing it over his heart. "All that I am, let you see." The woman's eyes flashed, but instead of gold, they turned purple. A faint purple glow emanated over Arthur's heart.

Arthur gasped, feeling the endless stream of love that T'Gem was pouring into his heart. "I believe you!" The king cried. "Stop, it's too much."

"Forgive me," T'Gem apologized. "I forgot that those of this world are too susceptible to my particular brand of healing."

"Of this world?" Arthur snorted. "What other world could you possibly be referring to?"

T'Gem gave him a small smile. "It is not important. You must learn how to shield your mind from enemy attackers."

"Very well," said Arthur. "What do I have to do?"

That was when Merlin burst through the doors, looking like he'd run all the way from the magic school.

"T'Gem! You're here," Merlin enthused, running up and giving the woman a hug. The woman initially stiffened at the contact, then accepted it.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Merlin fretted as he quickly pulled away. "Public displays are frowned on in your culture. I just forgot, I was so excited about seeing you that-"

"Please forgive him," Arthur cut him off. "He's an idiot. If left to his own devices, he'd ramble all day."

"You are standing in front of the most powerful warlock your world has or ever will have known," said T'Gem, affronted by Arthur's behavior. "Forgive my intrusion, but I believe you should treat him with more respect."

To Merlin's amusement, Arthur actually blushed.

"No, no," Merlin waved her off, his cheeks tinged pink as well. "He's fine. It's honestly just a pet name. You should've seen him_ before_ we admitted our feelings. He would chuck things out of my head, make me go to the stocks for something that he'd done, insult me day and night… should I go on?" Merlin grinned at Arthur, wondering what he'd say to that.

"Merlin, was that really necessary?" Arthur hissed.

"No. I was just providing her with some background information concerning our relationship." Merlin gave Arthur a beatific smile.

"I treat him very well now," Arthur insisted. "Usually. _ If he deserves it_," he added under his breath.

"I think the reason why he was so hard on me before is because of the burgeoning sexual tension between us," Merlin said seriously.

"Merlin, I swear…" Arthur growled.

"But now he's my unofficial consort and we're bonded for life," Merlin quickly added.

"I hope you do not judge me too much based on my past behavior," said Arthur.

"I do not," said T'Gem. "That would be illogical. Now, shall we begin?"

The mysterious woman had a considerable breadth of knowledge concerning the intricacies of bonds, mind techniques, and how life force energy worked. She taught Arthur how to shield his mind from anyone who was not Merlin, and taught Merlin how to reinforce the shield. This way, Merlin didn't have to solely use his magic to shield Arthur's mind. Then she had Arthur practice keeping his energetic body free from unwanted intruders, so the king wouldn't have to completely rely on Merlin.

"Now, remember to use the bubble technique every morning when you wake up," she instructed Arthur. The exercise that the king was supposed do was to imagine that he had a energetic 'bubble' that encased his entire body. He was supposed to make the bubble very thick and impenetrable, so that no uninvited parties could touch him.

"I'll try," said Arthur, not looking completely convinced about the legitimacy of the energetic exercises.

"I promise, if you practice these techniques, you should be safe," said T'Gem. "If nothing else, do it so that your unguarded thoughts aren't a threat to the security of your kingdom."

"That's a very good reason," Arthur relented. "Very well."

"Thank you for coming to assist us," said Merlin. "When I was young, I'd dared to hope that I'd be able to form a bond with my intended, if my magic was strong enough for it. When it happened with Arthur, my dream came true. It was awful to have that taken away from me, but it is truly wonderful to get it back." He gave Arthur a completely besotted look.

"I must express my gratitude as well," said Arthur, softening at Merlin's gaze. "You've made Merlin very happy, which in turn, makes me happy."

"I wish you the best of luck learning to use your bond," said T'Gem. "Now, I must depart. It truly was a unique experience meeting you both."

"For us too," said Arthur.

She turned to go, hesitated, and then looked back at them. "You know, where I'm from, your story is legend. However, they have gotten the details wrong. It was understood that a young Arthur met Merlin in his elder form. Merlin used his wisdom to help Arthur rule, and they built a fair and just kingdom together."

"What?" Arthur gasped. "You mean they thought I was bonded to Merlin when he was masquerading as crazy old Dragoon? That's disgusting!"

T'Gem's cheeks twitched in amusement. "They don't believe you were bonded at _all_. That part of your story has been erased from history."

Merlin frowned. "They left out the most important part?"

"Indeed. In fact, in the later form of the Camelot legend, it was said that Sir Lancelot stole Queen Guinevere from you, Arthur."

"Well, at least they got it right about Gwen and Lance being together." Arthur shook his head. "But Lance stealing her from me when I never loved her in the first place? Honestly. Our historians must truly be incompetent to get that wrong."

"Much of what we to believe to be history has been re-written, to benefit the writers," said T'Gem. She turned to go.

"Wait!" Arthur called. "I wished to ask you something."

"Yes?" T'Gem turned back around. "What is it?"

Arthur motioned for her to follow him.

Merlin moved towards them, but Arthur insisted, "in private." To emphasize his point, the king raised his shield. Merlin couldn't read his thoughts.

"Very well, keep your secrets," Merlin chuckled, and moved away.

T'Gem faced Arthur and mentally contacted him. /Yes?/

/I wanted to know how to.../ Arthur blushed. /Now that our bond has been reaffirmed, is it possible for me to tap into Merlin's magic to sexually stimulate him using my mind?/

T'Gem gave him a tiny smile, her eyes crinkling with amusement. /Of course you wish to know this. It is simple enough. I will tell you how./

/Why did you not want him to know?/ She asked, after giving Arthur that coveted piece of information.

/I wanted to surprise him./ Arthur shared with her the story of Merlin's hallucination, and the difficulty he was having being intimate with Arthur.

/If you use the bond to speak to him, and ask if you can stimulate his mind directly to enhance your experience, he should grant you what you wish./

/Thank you./ Arthur smiled, watching as T'Gem tucked her hair behind her left ear, revealing a startling physical feature.

Arthur couldn't help but gasp as he noticed the woman's pointed ears. /Are you a fairy?/ Arthur asked.

/No./ T'Gem couldn't hide her amusement.

/You must be a creature of magic. What are you?/ Arthur wondered.

/That would be difficult to explain./

/Does Merlin know what you are?/

/Yes./ The woman held Arthur's gaze. /Your Merlin knows more than you can ever dream of. He is a keeper of knowledge and ancient wisdom. Unfortunately, this means that he knows terrible truths concerning your life, much of humanity's tragic past, and its many possible futures. It is a heavy burden to bear, but he does it willingly. For you, and for all of Albion./

/He could share it with me./ Arthur offered.

She stifled a laugh. /You haven't the capacity to understand all what Merlin knows to be true./ Arthur couldn't help but pout, but quickly schooled his expression into one of vague annoyance.

/Try me. Where do you come from?/

/There are worlds within worlds, Arthur. That is where I'm from, a far distant world./

/I don't understand./

/See?/ The woman teased. For all her time observing humans, this one quite intrigued her. He had quite a tough exterior, but he was truly pure of heart. He stood up for what he believed in, and took actions to ensure that all in his kingdom could have the freedom to live life without threat of tyranny. Then there was the fact that he was quite physically attractive. Not that this mattered, it was simply a fact that she couldn't help but noting. He was a truly worthy consort for Merlin.

/You're just like the dragon, being vague on purpose./ Arthur complained. Then he heard the mental equivalent of laughter.

/I must return to my people./ T'Gem insisted. /I have tarried too long./

/Of course./ Arthur understood.

/Goodbye, young king. Take care of Merlin. He needs your anchoring presence, more than you can know./

/I will./ Arthur vowed.

T'Gem broke their mental connection. Arthur noted that her energy was quite clinical, much like the detached way a physician's touch was when examining a patient. He much preferred Merlin's.

"Goodbye, Merlin. Do not break him tonight." T'Gem's suggestive comment left both Arthur and Merlin sputtering, giving her a chance to turn around and pull something out of her pocket. While Arthur and Merlin were distracted and arguing, she spoke into her gadget. Then, to the king and sorcerer's surprise, she vanished in a golden swirl of light.

"That's amazing!" Arthur exclaimed as the light faded away. "What magic she has! Did you know she's some sort of fairy? It's obvious since she has pointed ears."

"Oh, Arthur," said Merlin, smiling fondly at him as if he were a simpleton.

"What? What did I say?" The king wondered, looking extremely put out.

"Nothing, love. How about we return to our chamber and _you know_." Merlin winked suggestively at his king.

"What, now?" Arthur couldn't believe his luck.

"It's your lunch break, right?" Merlin reminded him.

Who was to argue with logic like that? Arthur couldn't leave the throne room fast enough.

.~.

When they reached the safety of their chambers, Merlin magicked all of Arthur's clothes off. The warlock knew that he didn't need permission. Arthur let Merlin use his magic however he wished during their bedroom activities. Arthur really enjoyed not knowing when or how Merlin would use his magic to enhance their 'fun activities'.

"You seem awfully eager," said Arthur, the evidence of his arousal stirring. "What changed?"

"The bond," said Merlin as he lay down on their bed.

"I thought so," said Arthur, lying next to Merlin so they were facing each other. "It's really that important to you?"

"Of course." Merlin gave him a funny look. "When I speak to you with the bond and you answer, I'm able to tell if you're sincere or not."

"_Mer_lin," Arthur complained. "I would never lie to you."

"I know," said the warlock. "But the bond lets me know for sure."

"It will also let you know if I have any ill intentions towards you as well," said Arthur. "No, don't look so upset, Merlin. I know you need this, need to know that I'm not that man from the hallucination."

"Yes." Merlin said simply.

Arthur waited for Merlin to make the first move. The warlock tentatively leaned forward and captured Arthur's lips with his own. In a rare concession of power, Arthur let Merlin take the lead. This wasn't about him, it was about Merlin feeling comfortable. They lazily kissed for a while, reacquainting themselves with each other's lips. Merlin enjoyed the familiarity of it all, of Arthur's taste, of the gentle way that Arthur's tongue twirled with his, of the loving care that Arthur was pouring into the kiss.

Merlin slowly pulled away, catching Arthur's eye.

"What is it?" Arthur said softly.

"I need you," said Merlin. He rested his forehead against Arthur's and activated their bond.

/Arthur, can you hear me?/ Merlin mentally projected.

/Of course I can, idiot./ Arthur pretended to be annoyed, but Merlin saw right through him. Merlin could feel that Arthur was also thrilled that their metal connection was unblocked.

Merlin gave him a toothy grin. /It worked! Arthur, it WORKED!/

/It's such a strange feeling./ Arthur noted as Merlin worked to solidify their connection. /But so wanted. I want this, Merlin. Now that I remember how this feels, I can't believe I lasted so long without it./

/It's a little addicting./ Merlin admitted, giving Arthur a wry smile. /Thank you for being so patient with me. I've rejected you and you don't deserve that./

/You're welcome./ Arthur sent him a wave of love over their bond and Merlin basked in the warmth. /It's not your fault. Don't worry, Merlin. We'll make it right./

/Arthur, I want you to take me./ Merlin decided.

/Are you sure you're ready for that?/ Arthur cautioned.

/Yes. I'm more afraid of you taking me than anything else. I just want to get past all this. I think I can handle it./

/Alright./ Arthur reluctantly agreed. /But if you can't, tell me and I'll stop right away./

/I will./

Then Arthur had an idea. /Use your magic to push me away./

/Why?/

/Just so you know that you can do it if you need to./

/But I trust you.../ Merlin said, but they both knew that he wasn't completely convinced.

/Go on./ Arthur urged.

The king found himself pushed to the foot of the bed by an invisible force. Merlin gave him a small smile as the gold left his eyes.

/Looks like your magic is working just fine./ Arthur thought wryly as he crawled back up toward Merlin. /Unlike during your hallucination, it's there if you need it./

Merlin nodded. Then he pulled Arthur on top of him. /Arthur, I want you to take control. Just go slow, and be gentle./

/I will./ Arthur promised before he closed the distance between him. The king tried to distract Merlin by kissing him senseless, while at the same time lightly brushing his hand over the warlock's crotch.

/Is this okay?/ Arthur asked as he stroked the outline of Merlin's rapidly growing cock.

/Yes./ As if giving him proof, Merlin magically loosened his laces on his breeches, making it easier on Arthur.

/Do you like it when I touch you?/ Arthur teased as he pulled Merlin out.

/You know I do./ Merlin admitted. /I was made for you, Arthur./ Merlin let that truth sink in, giving Arthur pause.

/I know, Merlin. As I was made for you./ Arthur continued to stroke Merlin to full hardness, reaching out with the bond to make sure that his ministrations still felt good to his partner. /I may not have magic, but I can certainly feel the undeniable connection between us./

/Mmm, Arthur./ Merlin moaned aloud. /Feels so good./

/I've missed this./ Arthur and Merlin both thought instantaneously. They both chuckled, glad that their thoughts were on the same wavelength. It happened occasionally, when Merlin and Arthur were in their chambers but deeply entrenched in their own respective work. Then they'd hear a noise, and they'd look up at the same time and say the same exact words. Arthur cherished those moments, more than Merlin might think.

/I just want to be one with you./ Merlin began to shake, both with arousal and emotion.

/We'll get there./ Arthur gently prepared Merlin with the oil that they used to ease their way. /Does it still feel alright?/ The king asked as he added another finger.

"Ow!" Merlin winced, and Arthur slowly removed himself.

"Did I hurt you?" Arthur worried.

"Not bad," said Merlin. "I'm sorry, Arthur - I can't relax. I don't know what's wrong."

"I think I can help. Do you trust me?" Arthur asked.

"I…" Merlin bit his lip. "Yes. You stopped when I asked you to. I can trust you."

"That's right," Arthur affirmed. "Can I try something?"

"Yes." Merlin stared at Arthur, his big blue eyes filled with fear.

Arthur wanted to do everything in his power to erase that fear. In his mind, he followed the bond to where his and Merlin's mental link met. Using the technique that T'Gem had taught him, he was able to stimulate the pleasure centers in Merlin's brain.

"Ohh!" Merlin made a startled yet pleased sound. "How are you doing that?"

"T'Gem gave me a few pointers," said Arthur, sounding smug.

"That's what you were talking about in private," Merlin realised.

"Yes," said Arthur, this time using a bit more energy.

Merlin moaned louder this time. /Arthur, more!/ Merlin encouraged.

/As you wish./ Arthur teased, but gently increased his mental pressure. From there, things progressed nicely. Merlin was able to relax under Arthur's touch, and eventually Arthur was ready to enter him.

/Are you ready?/ The king asked, finding it somewhat difficult to not plunge into Merlin and have his way with him. But he wouldn't give in to his basest desire, he was going to make Merlin feel safe with him again. Arthur quickly got ahold of his lust, determined to be the man that Merlin deserved. And then, once he had earnest Merlin's trust again, he could fuck him senseless and show his warlock once and for all who was the dominant one in the relationship.

But Merlin didn't answer. Arthur's lust receded as he realized that Merlin's fear had returned. "What's wrong?" Arthur prompted.

Merlin stared at Arthur, terrified. "Promise not to leave me after I come."

"I won't." Arthur promised. "I'm not going anywhere."

"You pushed me away, Arthur," Merlin remembered. "You were afraid of me, and repulsed by my magic. You called the guards and they dragged me out into the hall, naked, as a crowd gathered to jeer at the foolish sorcerer who had found his way into the king's bed."

"I didn't," Arthur insisted. "That was the hallucination."

"I thought it was real. But it wasn't," Merlin realized.

"No." Then Arthur switched to thought-speech. /_This_ is real./ Arthur kissed Merlin, pouring every ounce of love and warmth into their bond. /I'm not afraid of your magic. Quite the contrary it really turns me on./

/Yeah?/ Merlin shivered as Arthur ghosted his fingers over his erection.

/Yeah. I know that you could use it to kill me, or torture me, or bespell me any time you wished. But you don't. Instead, you gift me with your love. Do you know what that means to me, Merlin? Other people who have your power might have been tempted to use it to steal the crown, but you don't. All you want is to protect me./

/True./ Merlin agreed. /And I want your love. I crave it. Without you, Arthur, I fear I'd go mad./

/Then let's not ever test that theory./ Arthur smiled at his bondmate. /We can stop if you want./ The king really didn't want to stop, but it wasn't up to him.

/No, Arthur./ Merlin took a deep breath and let it out slowly. /I'm ready for you./

/If you're sure./ Arthur lined himself up and gently pushed inside of Merlin. He hoped that taking Merlin face to face would help alleviate some of the fear.

/All right?/ Arthur asked.

/Move, dammit!/ Was Merlin's insisted response.

Grinning, Arthur finally let Merlin have it. His hips snapped as he slid in and out, in and out of his bondmate. Merlin pushed back to meet him, slowly getting into the rhythm.

"Arthur!" He moaned, forgetting himself as he pushed back on Arthur's cock. "Please!"

"Merlin - unh." Arthur couldn't help but to say Merlin's name. All he ever wanted, was to stay inside this tight, warm heat. This warmth, that love which came with Merlin. He started to lose himself as their rhythm began to fall apart. It wasn't long before they were both very close to the edge.

"Ar-Arthur!" Merlin groaned. "I'm about to-"

"Me too," Arthur gasped out.

/I'm scared./ Merlin admitted. /Even though I don't have any reason to be./

/Let go, Merlin./ Arthur commanded. /I'll be here to catch you./

/Right./ Merlin had to trust that Arthur would hold him until the aftershocks wore off, and his need for cuddling subsided.

After a few more strokes to his cock, Merlin came. He became one with the cosmos, and experienced many emotions - love, fear, shame, joy. As he slowly drifted back to earth, he felt Arthur come very soon after.

Merlin clung to Arthur with all his might. Arthur was more than happy to accommodate him, letting Merlin get his fill of his king's touch. Merlin shook with fear, and with the leftovers of the euphoric bliss.

/Arthur, I can't breathe!/

"Yes you can." Arthur's arms tightened around Merlin's chest. "I'll help you calm down. Just listen to my voice."

/I'll try./ Merlin thought.

Unfortunately, Arthur was drawing a blank. He wasn't sure what to say to help Merlin, so he decided to wing it.

"It's okay, Merlin," said the king, rubbing his back in an attempt to soothe him. "You're with me. We're in a committed relationship, even if it's hidden from the public. Our friends all know. I would never abandon you." /Better?/

Merlin caught his eye and nodded. /Getting there./

Arthur continued on, "Just know that I'm choosing to be right here with you when I could be anywhere else in the kingdom. I'm with you because I love you back. We'll be together forever. I'm not going to leave you. I promise you that, Merlin."

Merlin's heart rate began to decelerate, as Arthur continued to croon into his ear. "I love you, for being exactly who you are." Arthur continued on. "Without your prattish behavior, who knows what would've become of me."

"I saved your life so many times over the years!" Merlin was talking, which was a great sign.

"I know. We're pretty good about taking care of each other."

Merlin smiled as he realized that Arthur wasn't leaving. The king kissed him on the forehead and Merlin had never felt so loved and cherished. He finally loosened his vice-like grip on Arthur, and just enjoyed their closeness.

"I'm good," he told Arthur.

"See?" Arthur said. "Nothing to worry about."

"Thank you," said Merlin. "I love you, Arthur."

"I know," Arthur grinned. They lay there spooned together for a good long while before Arthur spoke. "I have a question for you. It's about T'Gem."

"Yes?"

"When I talked with her right before she left, T'Gem spoke of your knowledge and wisdom. I was wondering - can you tell the future?"

"No." Merlin shook his head. "I'm not a Seer like Morgana, and even she isn't always right. I can only catch a faint glimpse of a possible future."

"Oh," said Arthur, mildly disappointed. "What about you and me? Do we get a long and happy life together?"

/The most probable scenario is yes./ Merlin smiled at Arthur., switching to thought-speech just because he could. /We get to know our grandchildren./

/We'll have grandchildren?/ Arthur was delighted.

/More than likely. Thomas should eventually marry and produce an heir./

/That's good to know./ Then Arthur asked a sobering question. /How old will I get before I… you know./

Merlin shrugged. /It doesn't work like that, with ages. My predictions are usually quite hazy - concrete facts are few and far between./

/I know that you have given us an extended lifespan when you forfeited your eternal immortality, but we won't live forever./

Merlin nodded. /That's true./

/Do you know who will die first?/

/Yes./ Merlin looked sad.

/It's me, isn't it./ Arthur realized.

Merlin nodded again. /Don't worry about it. I can will myself to follow you. After all the arrangements have been made and after saying goodbye to our family, I won't be far behind./

/Still, I feel terrible, knowing that you'll be the one left behind, having to endure the pain of feeling our bond break when I pass on to the next world./

Merlin shrugged. /I can handle it. You'll always be with me, Arthur. Even if you aren't physically there. I know that I'm never alone./

/Never./ Arthur echoed. /Do you feel like you can trust me again?/

/Yes./ Merlin beamed at him.

/Good./ Arthur returned his smile.

/I have just one question./ said Merlin.

/What's that?"/ Arthur asked.

Merlin blushed. /Can we do it again?/

Arthur was more than happy to oblige.

THE END

.~.

A/N: 60 total chapters! Holy shit, that's a lot! I've enjoyed every minute of it. I've already got a few more planned. The next will be Arthur going through his own version of hell. I had Merlin go through it, now it's Arthur's turn.

With T'Gem, I have heavily borrowed from Star Trek.


	61. Bonus Ch 24 Arthur's Worst Nightmare

Disclaimer: Merlin doesn't belong to me. He's Arthur's!

.~.

Bonus Chapter 24 - Arthur's Worst Nightmare

.~.

_Only a single candle illuminated the prince's chambers. Two bodies fumbled around in the darkness, tossing their clothes on the floor and breathing heavily. They kissed slowly, savoring the moment. Even though they'd been doing this for weeks, every time felt like the first. Ever since the servant confessed his deepest secret, they'd barely been able to keep their hands off each other. It was torture having to remember to act appropriate in public, but they'd managed._

"_I need you," the prince groaned. "Do you have the oil?" _

"_Yes," said the servant. "Right here." _

"_Prepare me," the prince ordered._

_The servant gasped. "Arthur, are you sure?"_

"_I'm ready."_

"_What made you change your mind? I thought you said that, as royalty, it was beneath you." _

"_I realized one very important thing," Arthur murmured. "I love you, Merlin. And because I love you, I need to trust you in all things. So… yeah."_

"_Thank you!" Merlin's face burst with happiness. Arthur was finally ready to trust him enough to top. Their relationship was still relatively new, and Merlin had been very patient with the prince. But he hadn't expected this tonight, this soon. Arthur was giving him a precious gift, and he would treasure it always. _

_When they joined together, it was glorious. It was intense. It was love. Arthur surrendered all that he was to Merlin. Seeing his servant above him, his face in ecstasy flickering in the candlelight made Arthur come undone. Merlin came just after, and then collapsed on top of Arthur, exhausted. They basked in the afterglow for a few moments before it all went to hell._

_The unlocked bedroom door was flung open and Uther thundered inside, carrying a torch. He was followed by two guards. Merlin climbed off of Arthur but it was too late. Uther had seen them._

"_Arrest him!" The king commanded. _

"_Father, no!" Arthur cried as the guards pulled a naked Merlin out of their bed. "It's not what it looks like."_

"_It's exactly what it looks like," Uther snarled. "My son allowed a servant to dominate him in bed. How could you, Arthur?"_

"_Merlin, get out of here!" Arthur cried, tossing his pants to him. "You have to run before it's too late!" When Merlin made no move to leave, Arthur sealed his fate by saying, "for godsakes, use your magic!" Too late, he remembered that Merlin had been taking magic suppressants, carefully concocted by Gaius. Recently, his magic had been acting up at strange times. Since he couldn't control it, Merlin knew he had to take desperate measures. So far, it had worked and his secret had been kept underwraps. But that meant that Merlin's magic wasn't currently accessible._

"_He has magic?" Uther thundered. "That explains it. My son must be enchanted."_

_Merlin winced at the accusation. The guards allowed him to put on his pants, and then they seized him by the arms, preventing him from struggling._

"_I'm not enchanted, I swear," Arthur shouted, then lowered his voice so he didn't sound as hysterical. "I love him, Father," the prince declared. "Please, have mercy for my sake. He means everything to me."_

"_You're in love with a male servant?" Uther scoffed. "That ridiculous statement just proves you're enchanted. Then he addressed the guards. "Take Merlin to the dungeons. Tomorrow he will be flogged and burned until dead."_

"_No!" Arthur bellowed, his stomach roiling as he thought about Merlin shrieking in pain as the flames consumed his body. "You can't!"_

"_I assure you, I can," Uther said calmly. "You'll be locked in your chambers until the enchantment wears off. If somehow you escape and go see him, I'll have you flogged as well."_

"_Arthur?" Understandably frightened, Merlin reached for his love and an anguished Arthur tried to fight off the guards but he couldn't best both of them_ and _his father. He barely managed to give Merlin a peck on the lips before he was abruptly yanked away. _

"_Merlin, hold on," Arthur urged. "I lo-" But he dropped to the ground and blacked out, due to a blow to the head from one of the guards. The last image that stuck in his mind was of a panicked Merlin being dragged away by his father, with the intent of separating them forever._

_.~._

_Meanwhile_

"Where is he?" Annoyed, Merlin traipsed up to the physician's room, familiar to him as he'd lived in those quarters for years when Gaius was still alive. He'd been summoned from the magic school because Arthur had been injured. Merlin was going to kill that prat. They'd been in the middle of transfiguration spells, and he'd been about to demonstrate his ability to turn Morgana into a toad… temporarily.

He found the current physician, George, leaning over the bed, tending to one of Arthur's wounds. Sir Gwaine was also present, his expression grave.

"What happened?" Merlin asked.

"Training accident," Gwaine said softly. "He slipped on some uneven ground, and he took a blow to the head. I did it, Merlin." The warlock had never seen Gwaine so subdued before.

"Don't worry about it," Merlin said with a grin. "I used to hit him over the head all the time, to make sure he didn't find out about my magic. I'm sure he'll be back on the field in a day or so."

"I'm afraid it's more serious than that," George announced. "He's suffered a severe concussion. I can't say when he will wake up." Merlin's stomach plummeted as he realized the seriousness of the situation. He also understood what George had not said. _If he wakes up._

Merlin assessed his king and came to the same conclusion. "Not to worry. I can reach him," Merlin said, determined to bring his king back to consciousness. "I'll just use our bond." The king and warlock had recently had their mental connection re-opened. It was possible for them to speak in their minds, which would come in handy in a situation like this one.

Merlin placed his two forefingers on Arthur's temples, and initiated a joining of the minds. But when Merlin tried to access Arthur's mind and coax him to wake, he was abruptly blocked and thrown out.

"Oww!" Merlin winced, coming back to himself. "My head!" Merlin's temples were throbbing. He'd never felt such a push away from Arthur before. It _hurt_! The only explanation he could come up with was the Arthur's mind was trying to heal itself and it incorrectly identified Merlin's intrusion as a threat, blocking his entry.

"Merlin? What happened?" Gwen trotted into the room with Morgana following behind her. "I heard something happened to Arthur."

"Is he hurt?" Morgana asked as they crowded around the bed. Merlin couldn't bare to look at Arthur's still form, focusing on the women instead. But it was hard, as he was still reeling from Arthur's rejection.

George explained about Arthur's concussion as quickly as he could. Sir Gwaine slipped out of the room, ridden with guilt. Merlin let him go, not sure how to deal with him at the moment. He couldn't blame the knight for what had happened. It had just been a freak accident.

"I couldn't reach him with the bond," Merlin confessed. "I don't know what to do."

"Why don't you get some rest, and then when you feel ready, try again?" Morgana offered.

"Maybe by then, he will have woken up," said Gwen.

"Maybe," said Merlin, but he wasn't convinced.

"Lord Merlin, there is nothing more I can do for him right now," said the physician. "Shall I take my leave?"

Merlin nodded absently, magically enlarging the bed so that he could climb in next to Arthur.

"We'll let you be with him," said Morgana.

"I'll have a servant send your lunch up," Gwen added. "It will be alright, Merlin. You'll see." She kissed his cheek before following Morgana out the door.

Merlin climbed into the bed, pulled Arthur to him and whispered, "Fight, Arthur."

But Arthur didn't wake, not even when Merlin tried using the bond a few hours later, and a few hours after that. After failing a third time, Merlin fell asleep holding his king, his meal left untouched on the table.

.~.

_Arthur awoke and found himself locked in his chambers. He remembered the recent encounter with his father, who had condemned his warlock to death. He had get to Merlin! The prince couldn't figure a way out other than to scale down the wall of the castle, so that was what he did. Several times, he almost lost his footing. But when he was about to fall, he thought about Merlin's face if he learned that Arthur had died trying to see him, and his resolve returned. _

_Using his wits, Arthur managed to find his way into the dungeons. He was stopped by one of his father's knights at the entrance to the jail._

"_Sire, what are you doing?" Sir Leon hissed. "You can't be here! You're in direct violation of your father's orders."_

"_I have to see him, Leon." Arthur's shoulders were squared and determined. He was so close to reaching his goal - he wouldn't be stopped at the last obstacle. "Please. What if it was Morgana in that cell?" Arthur was playing dirty. He knew that Leon had a sizable crush on Morgana and was he using that to his advantage. But the prince didn't care - he was going to see Merlin, dammit, and no one was going to stop him._

"_Oh, go on," Leon sighed, handing Arthur the keys to Merlin's cell. "I'll just volunteer for the pyre as well, shall I? Because that's what will happen to me if your father catches you." Arthur shook his head. Surely Leon was exaggerating. But perhaps not. Arthur hadn't thought his father capable of what he'd done to Merlin, but it had happened. "I'll keep watch," the knight promised. "If the king comes, I'll yell and you can hide yourself before he catches you."_

"_Thank you, Leon. You're a good man." Arthur clasped the knight on the shoulder, distracted as his thoughts turned to the man he loved._

_The prince raced all the way back to the furthest cell in the dungeons. There Merlin sat, freezing and huddled in the corner, with only the rats for company. _

"_Merlin?" Arthur called, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice but failing. _

"_Arthur!" Merlin cried. Arthur noted that even though Merlin was in a dire situation, he still sounded happy to see Arthur, in his idiot, chipper Merlin way. _

_Arthur ran towards Merlin's cell, holding back a sob. His innocent Merlin was in jail because of him, all because they had forgotten to lock the bedroom door. When he reached the cell, the prince saw Merlin's outstretched hand reaching for him through the iron bars. Arthur grasped it, and carefully kissed Merlin's knuckles._

"_Arthur." Merlin gave him a bittersweet smile as their fingers entangled. "You came."_

"_Of course I came!" Arthur began to tremble as he thought about what was going to happen to his love. "I couldn't leave you all alone. I'm so sorry I mentioned your magic!"_

"_It's alright, Arthur," Merlin assured him. "Truly it is. He was going to kill me anyway. Sodomy is punishable by death, and he caught me with you, doing… well." _

"_I should've locked the damn door," Arthur berated himself. "How could we have been so stupid?"_

"_There's nothing we can do about that now," said Merlin, practical as usual. "How did you get here? "Your father locked you up."_

"_It's not important," said Arthur, unlacing his fingers from Merlin's. "Stand back." He placed the correct key in the lock, turned it, and the cell door swung open. Arthur wasted no time, striding into the cell and pulling Merlin into a crushing embrace. Arthur inhaled Merlin's familiar scent as he swallowed his despair. There was no need to upset Merlin further. He had to keep it together so that he could help Merlin as best he could._

"_Arthur." Merlin's voice shook with worry, tightening his arms around his love. "You shouldn't be here. If your father catches you…"_

"_I don't care," Arthur proclaimed. "I had to see you."_

"_He threatened lashes for you, Arthur," Merlin reminded him. "You can't risk it."_

"_I can, and I will. Please, Merlin. I don't want us to spend our time arguing." 'Our time left' was what Arthur meant, but he couldn't bring himself to say it aloud. "I wish I could get you out of here, but we'd never make it."_

"_I know that," Merlin insisted. "I just want to spend my last night with you."_

_Arthur stifled a sob. "I can't let you go. I can't!" His plan for being in control of his emotions so that he could be strong for Merlin wasn't working out so well._

"_Arthur." Merlin gently caressed his cheek, and Arthur leaned into his touch. "You will go on without me. You'll hold on until it's time for you to assume the throne. Then you can repeal the law and make it safe for magic users in Camelot again. Promise me."_

"_I promise, Merlin," Arthur vowed. _

"_If only I could use my magic," Merlin said wistfully. _

"_I wish that too," Arthur agreed. "But you can't."_

_Merlin leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Arthur's. "I just ask that you remember me, Arthur. I know you'll eventually find someone else, and that's fine. I want you to be happy. Just don't forget me, alright?"_

"_How could I ever forget he who is half of my soul?" Arthur shook his head, burying his face in Merlin's dark curls. "How I wish we were in my chambers."_

"_You can take me here, if you wish," Merlin said softly._

"_No, Merlin." Arthur looked stricken. "We have nothing to ease the way. I could never hurt you."_

"_I think we do. Check your pocket." Arthur did, and found a small vat of oil that usually sat in Arthur's top drawer. "You left it in there last night," said Merlin, grinning with anticipation. "I guess you never bothered to take it off your person."_

"_Good thing," Arthur whispered, kissing his servant like his life depended on it. "God, Merlin. I want you."_

"_Then take me," Merlin challenged. _

_Things were a blur after that, and they found release in each other's arms. Arthur began to shake in fear, and Merlin did his best to reassure him, even though they both knew that they would be separated forever tomorrow._

"_How could my father take you away from me?" Arthur couldn't fathom why his father was so quick to judge and condemn, without even taking the time to listen to his son's side of the story. "After how I told him I loved you. I wasn't exhibiting any of the known signs of enchantment when I spoke of my feelings."_

"_He doesn't understand what this is between us," said Merlin._

_Arthur's jaw clenched with anger. He had never hated his father more than he did at that moment. _

"_Don't hate him, Arthur," said Merlin, as if he could read the prince's thoughts. "He's not worth it."_

"_I'll never forgive him," Arthur swore. "Never."_

"_I hope that one day you can," Merlin said. _

_They both went silent, and just focused on the feel of their bodies, intertwined with no plans to separate. Arthur vowed that he wouldn't fall asleep, but he did anyway, lulled to sleep by Merlin's heartbeat and gentle breathing. _

_Hours later, Merlin sent Arthur back to his chambers so that he wouldn't be caught. It had been the hardest thing Arthur had ever had to do, to leave Merlin all alone in that cell. They'd hugged and kissed and wept, but in the end, Arthur had to go. He snuck back into his room, fell into bed, and into an uneasy sleep, dreading what the next day would bring. _

.~.

_Meanwhile_

Merlin awoke to the gentle sound of a knock at the door.

"Come in," he called, his voice weary. He'd slept fitfully all night, curled around Arthur, as if his presence might coax his king into waking up. But there had been no change in Arthur's status. He was still unresponsive.

"Merlin," said Morgana, stepping into the room. "We need you at the school today. Camelot has just received another written threat from Mercia. I've decided we should practice strengthening our shield charms and I really need you there to demonstrate and assist the students." With the looming threat of Lord Drumpf gaining favor in Mercia, Merlin and Morgana had been working their students extra hard, pushing them to their limits so they would be prepared in case they were needed to defend Camelot from an attack.

"Alright. Give me a minute," said Merlin, as he tried to collect himself. He stood up and stretched, yawning as he shook off the last vestiges of sleep. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, mentally preparing to meet the challenges of the day. The warlock leaned over to Arthur and kissed his brow. "I'll be back as soon as I can," he vowed. "It would be really nice if you woke up before I got back." Arthur, predictably, said nothing. Merlin turned around and followed Morgana out the door. The last thing he wanted to do was to leave Arthur, but it was his responsibility to attend to the magic school. Arthur would want it that way, and when he woke up, he'd be so proud of Merlin for attending to his duties instead of waiting at the king's bedside.

All throughout the day, Merlin's mind wandered to Arthur. He knew if there had been a change, they would've sent a servant to notify him. Still, he didn't give up hoping. When he returned to the castle in the eventing, he tried using the bond again to contact Arthur but it didn't work. There was still a mental block in the way.

Morgana and Gwen joined him around dinner time, to make sure that Merlin ate. He forced the food to go down to please them. The last thing he wanted to do was eat. He just wanted to fix the connection between him and Arthur, but he didn't know how. Although, the last time he tried to enter Arthur's mind, the bond had reacted with its usual warmth for a few seconds before firmly shutting Merlin out. Perhaps Arthur was beginning to heal? Or perhaps Merlin had been imagining it all.

Lancelot and Sir Leon joined them after dinner, there to comfort the girls and to cheer up Merlin. The warlock allowed himself to get caught up in their conversation, and turned towards them. He didn't notice when Arthur's eye twitched, but Lancelot did.

"Merlin, he moved!" Lancelot exclaimed.

"Quick, Merlin, try again!" Morgana urged, and Merlin wasted no time in initiating a mind joining.

.~.

_The next morning, Arthur woke with a start. He remembered that Merlin was to be publicly flogged that morning, for supposedly having cast a spell on the prince and talking his way into Arthur's bed. Ten lashes were the standard punishment, but Merlin was receiving fifteen. Then, hours later, he was to be executed. Arthur had a suspicion that his father only bothered with the flogging to teach him a lesson, that he couldn't trust his heart to a mere servant and one with magic no less. _

_Skipping breakfast, Arthur went straight to his father to beg for a lighter sentence for Merlin. Uther of course said no, but Arthur had to try, so that he wouldn't wonder if he could've saved him. Then the prince tried to sneak into the dungeons to see Merlin before his punishment was carried out, but this time he couldn't get past the guards. Arthur had to resign himself to accepting Merlin's gruesome fate._

_It happened at noon, with the hot summer sun overhead, watching from afar. Merlin was dragged into the square by two burly guards. He was strapped down to the platform so he couldn't make a run for it. Uther gave the signal and the first lash resounded loudly as it hit Merlin's back and pierced the milky white flesh. Arthur was glad to see that Merlin didn't cry out, that he didn't give Uther the satisfaction of knowing that it hurt. The lashes fell quickly, with Arthur flinching each time he saw Merlin recoil. Then, after the seventh lash, Merlin screamed. Arthur knew he must be in agony if he couldn't stifle his cries. By the ninth lashing, Merlin had resorted to calling Arthur's name. _

"_Arthur, make them stop!" Merlin wailed. "It hurrrrrrts!"_

_Reacting to his love's cries, Arthur tried to run towards Merlin, but it was hopeless. Arthur was quickly restrained by three guards. Apparently his father had thought of everything. One guard, maybe two, he could best, but not three. _

"_Father, please!" Arthur cried. "You have the power to stop it."_

"_I can't do that, Arthur. His sentence must be carried out," said the king. _

"_Then let me take his place," Arthur urged. "Don't hurt him any longer!" _

_But Arthur's pleas fell on deaf ears. Uther ignored his son's impassioned plea, and the lashings continued. Arthur knew that Merlin's cries for Arthur to help him would haunt him for the rest of his life. Finally, the lashes ceased. Merlin was cut down and escorted back to the dungeons. _

_Arthur was not permitted to say goodbye. It was killing him inside, that he'd never have the chance to say goodbye right before his Merlin met his end. He reminded himself that he and Merlin had said their goodbyes the night before, enjoying one last night of intimacy that would burn in his memory forever. But it wasn't enough. _

_Before he knew it, Merlin was brought out again, this time to be killed. The guards guided him up onto the platform and tied him to the wooden stake. _

"_Any last words?" Uther called from the royal box._

"_Every time I used my magic, I did it for him," said Merlin, addressing the king. Then he locked eyes with Arthur, who was sitting behind his father. "Arthur, it was all for you."_

_Then Uther gave the order and a guard lit the pile of wood at Merlin's feet. _

"_Merlin, I love you!" Arthur cried, not caring that the whole kingdom could here him. He prayed that the smoke would get Merlin first, so that he wouldn't have to endure the flames. Arthur didn't take his eyes away from Merlin, determined to hold his gaze until the last possible moment. How he wished that this was all a bad dream, and that he would wake up with Merlin, safe and warm in their bed. Then Merlin's eyes closed and Arthur was just about to attack his father in a blind rage when he heard it._

"_Arthur," Merlin called. Arthur could hear Merlin's insistent voice in his head. So much love came with it, encircling him and warming Arthur to the core. "Wake up, love." _

_Arthur watched as Merlin slumped over on the platform, the smoke overtaking him. How was it possible that Merlin could be speaking to him? _

"_Arthur, fight it," Merlin coaxed, his warlock's voice clear and strong, resounding in his head. _

"_Merlin," Arthur mumbled, as his vision began to grow spotty. Then he heard Merlin's voice commanding, "WAKE UP." _

_Arthur, finally, received the message._

_.~._

Back in the physician's quarters, Arthur was stirring. Merlin felt their connection reopen, and let go of Arthur's mind, returning to himself. He was met with a welcome sight.

"Merlin," Arthur croaked, his eyes fluttering open at last.

"Arthur!" Merlin swooped down to capture his king's lips. Arthur eagerly returned the kiss, reveling in the fact that his Merlin was there, alive and unhurt. "God, Arthur!" Merlin cried. "I didn't know if you were going to wake up."

"You're safe," Arthur realized as he reached up to touch Merlin's cheek, to reassure himself that the warlock was indeed real. "But how? My father burned you alive - I saw it! He whipped you and then he…" Arthur trailed off. "It didn't happen, did it?"

"No." Merlin shook his head. "Your father is long dead. You're the king, remember?"

"Oh yes," said Arthur, remembering all that had happened since his father had passed. They'd achieved so much since then. Then he frowned. "This is real, right?"

"Yes," Merlin promised. Arthur looked around and saw Gwen, Morgana, Leon, and Lancelot all staring at him with worry etched on to their faces.

/You're safe now, Arthur./ Merlin spoke through their link. /You're with me./

"Then I believe you," Arthur spoke out loud. Merlin gave him that dopey smile, and Arthur just knew that he wasn't dreaming. Then he felt a dull ache in the back of his head. "How did I get in this state?"

"You don't remember?" Merlin exchanged a worried glance with George. "You took a tumble during a training accident. You prat, always trying to show off. Watch where you're going next time. I know you have to train hard, but did you really have to…"

Arthur tuned out Merlin's prattling, and just focused on the welcome sight of his bondmate's eyes. Merlin's blue eyes pierced his soul, looking right through him and inside him all at once and all Arthur wanted to do was fuck him into the mattress to remind Merlin who he belonged to. But since that wasn't an option right now, he'd settle for holding Merlin's hand.

Arthur enjoyed catching up with his friends, accepting some goodnatured teasing from the men about falling during a training session. Sir Gwaine was quickly summoned. Arthur endured listening to Gwaine's almost tearful apology for his injury. Arthur was quite insulted that Gwaine had felt the need for such a gesture. Embarrassed, the king assured Gwaine that he was not at fault. Once Merlin did the same, Gwaine's easy confidence returned.

Eventually, it was time for bed. Everyone left except for Morgana, who helped Merlin magic Arthur back to his chambers and onto his bed. Then she bid them goodnight, leaving them alone together for the first time since the king had woken up.

"I thought I'd lost you," said Merlin. "Don't you dare do that again," he admonished as he helped Arthur into bed.

"Quit insulting me," Arthur muttered as he settled into Merlin's arms, something that he would only allow this once, and only because Merlin needed it. "As if I would make such a mistake _twice_. Let it go, Merlin. It was just an accident. I'm back now, alright?"

"Alright," Merlin relented.

"How did you manage to wake me up anyway?"

"I don't know," said Merlin. "I kept telling you to wake up every few hours using the bond, but it didn't work until just now."

"Maybe I had to think the same thought too," said Arthur. "I was watching you on the pyre, wishing that it was all a dream and that I'd wake up somewhere safe with you. And then it happened."

"Perhaps," said Merlin. "It doesn't matter. I'm just glad to have you back."

"Me too," said Arthur. "I'm glad to have me back."

"Prat," Merlin muttered, and swatted Arthur with a pillow.

Although Arthur tried to convince Merlin to be intimate that night, the warlock vetoed him, stating that he needed a night to recover from his concussion before they took place in any strenuous activity. Arthur reluctantly relented, begrudgingly admitting that Merlin was right. Instead, they let their lips do the talking. Merlin finally pulled away from Arthur with a satisfied sigh, content to entangle their minds. Arthur, of course, still wanted more action.

/Tomorrow?/ Arthur asked as they settled down to sleep.

/Tomorrow./ Merlin affirmed.

As Arthur drifted off to sleep, he smiled to himself. Merlin was alive. From now on, he was never going to take his sorcerer for granted.

This sentiment lasted for a week.

The End!

.~.

A/N: I know I basically wrote the same scenario twice, but I wanted Merlin to have to suffer and watch as Arthur lay there, not sure if he'd ever wake up. And Arthur would be facing a nightmarish situation, where he was about to lose Merlin due to his father's inability to comprehend the deep, loving connection between the two sides of the same coin. What did you guys think? Was it different enough?


	62. Bonus Chapter 25 - The Wedding

Disclaimer: Merlin isn't mine, he's Arthur's.

A/N: My sister just got married this weekend and I wrote her a speech that I gave at the reception. I wanted to work it into the Merlin universe, so this was the result.

As always, my bonus chapters don't follow any particular order in the _Merlin's Struggles_ Universe. This actually takes place during the epilogue, which speaks of Morgana and Leon's wedding but doesn't go into detail.

.~.

Bonus Chapter 25 - The Wedding

.~.

_The King's Chambers_

"Merlin? You awake?"

"Ugh, Arthur, I'm tired," Merlin moaned into his pillow. The sun had just set and all the warlock wanted to do was to drift off. Arthur should've noticed that Merlin was clearly exhausted from the events of the day, but that didn't happen.

"Tell me about your speech," Arthur pressed, lightly pulling on his arm.

"What about it?" Merlin asked, trying to stifle a yawn.

"You kept it together during the entire thing, except you got choked up when you thanked Leon for having the courage to fight for her. Why?" The king wondered.

Merlin cursed Arthur's keen observance. Any other time it would've been appreciated that Arthur had noticed such a thing, but Merlin really didn't want to give an explanation to that question. Mostly because it wasn't something that someone who wasn't magic would understand.

It was the night of Morgana and Sir Leon's wedding. After months of them dancing around each other, and Leon being too shy to formally ask to court her, he'd finally plucked up his courage to ask. Happily, she'd said yes. Their wedding took many months to plan. As Morgana was of the highest standing in court, as a lady, and a powerful sorceress, as well as Leon's status as a knight, the entire affair had to be an ostentatious, overblown occasion.

That being said, it had been worth it because Morgana finally had the fairy tale wedding she'd dreamed of having as a little girl. It had been almost painfully gorgeous, how well she and her knight fit together, with her dark locks and his light hair. They were each other's perfect complement. The delight on Leon's face when he first laid eyes on her during the ceremony, the pure emotion when they spoke their written vows, the relief in Morgana's eyes when they had been pronounced husband and wife - all of it had been perfect. The romantic in Merlin had loved every minute of it, and he had a sneaking suspicion that Arthur had too.

But Merlin been rather nervous about having to give a speech at the feast after the ceremony. Morgana had asked him to, and as her friend and mentor, he knew he couldn't say no. So he spent a few hours writing out a speech that spoke of the deep love that he'd sensed between the couple. He wasn't sure that their love story was quite as grand as his and Arthur's with destiny and fate and all that, but it was pretty close.

Merlin was used to addressing crowds, as his position in the kingdom called for it. But this was different. His nerves were starting to build, and he was so focused on re-reading his speech that he almost didn't pay attention to Leon and Morgana's first dance.

That was when he experienced it, whatever_ it _was, as he watched Leon lead Morgana around the dance floor. A stream of consciousness entered his mind, with images moving, dancing around each other, of a time long past when a great war had raged across the five kingdoms. In another life long before this one, Leon and Morgana had both been royalty, but they belonged to two very different cultures. They had been betrothed in a love match, but before the marriage could be recognized there had been a grave misunderstanding. There had possibly been another suitor, or a more advantageous match, or some other obstacle that had occurred to prevent them from being together.

Merlin wasn't sure about the details, which were often muddled whenever this sort of thing happened, but what _was_ clear was that it was Leon who had screwed up the whole thing. He hadn't spoken up when he needed to, hadn't convinced the spoiled, wily young princess that he was good enough for her. He hadn't communicated that his love for her was eternal, and that he would fight any who challenged him for the right to own her hand in marriage. When Leon had failed to solidify their alliance, a heartbroken Morgana had been scorned, the treaty between the two kingdoms had crumbled, and a long and bloody war commenced.

Merlin considered what he'd just internalized as he vaguely noticed Morgana and Leon's dance coming to an end. How much of what he'd seen could actually be true… or was he'd experienced a part of his overactive imagination? He considered the facts. One thing the sorcerer was absolutely certain about was Leon's noble background. While Leon was usually a humble person, after he'd had a few drinks, he'd brag to anyone who'd listen that he had the most pristine royal heritage, tracing his lineage back to a time before the Roman Empire. Merlin could verify this in the dusty records below the castle. It would fit for Leon to have been a prince in a past life.

Morgana as a spoiled young princess, in Merlin's mind, would also fit. Morgana, like everyone, had flaws. One of those was that she could be deceptively manipulative as a means to an end. However, once she'd realized her magical potential and her confidence had grown, that had mostly disappeared. But in another life, Merlin could definitely imagine that this quality could have flourished, especially if she had no other way to gain attention or power.

Merlin could feel the truth of this story in his heart, in his gut, and in his head. Their failed attempt at a marriage had been the first in a long series of lives where Leon had continued to fail at convincing Morgana that they were meant to be. So much misery had resulted in these lives, all because Leon couldn't grow a pair and tell the woman he loved how he felt about her. But now he had. He'd righted an ancient wrong, had broken the cycle of never ending despair and replaced it with joy and hope. That was the real reason why Merlin had lost it. He'd been shaking in his seat, crying as he gave thanks that _this time_, love had won and it had turned out right. Arthur had looked worried, wondering what on earth had gotten into his usually level-headed court sorcerer.

But it wasn't every day that Merlin received such an intense, prophetic message that his friends, after centuries of searching, had finally found their other half. The warlock thought his emotional reaction was totally justified, him losing it at that moment when he realized that their love story was_ finally_ getting a happy ending.

"Why did I get choked up? It's really hard to explain, Arthur," said Merlin, because how could he even begin to attempt to convey all of that to his king, who didn't believe in such things?

"Try me," said Arthur.

So Merlin tried. When he was finished, Arthur simply raised his eyebrows.

"Merlin, you really are a special one, aren't you?" Arthur teased. "It's not enough that you're the most powerful warlock in all the land, you have to be a certain kind of Seer too."

Merlin didn't bother to tell Arthur that he wasn't a true Seer, because he honestly didn't have a name for the phenomenon that happened to him. After all, Seers could receive information about one possible version of the future, but Merlin's 'gift' seemed to pertain to the past.

Then Arthur gathered Merlin into his arms, and promised that he would never discount any of Merlin's magical 'whatever that was'. A relieved Merlin quickly went to sleep, content that Arthur wouldn't think differently of him.

After Merlin fell asleep, Arthur slid out of bed. He grabbed the candle at his bedside and walked over to his desk, which held the piece of parchment he was looking for. He sat down and read Merlin's speech, wondering if he'd ever fully comprehend the inner workings of his sorcerer.

_Gentlemen and Ladies of the court, honored guests, I am pleased to be standing here before you today after witnessing the marriage of Sir Leon and Lady Morgana. I couldn't be happier with Morgana's choice and I know I can speak for Arthur in that he's thrilled to be gaining a brother. Not only that, but we don't have enough knights in the Pendragon family, so I'm glad Arthur is gaining another one. _

_The day I knew Leon was the one for Morgana was a certain night where we went to the tavern. This was before they began courting. Leon was celebrating a victory with the younger knights and he'd had a few drinks. Let me tell you, Leon gave the most heartfelt declaration of love that I'd ever heard. He told us that if he had the chance to court her, just how far he would go to remain faithful. Rather than cheat on Morgana, he insisted that he'd prefer to cut off his own… well. The point is, he spoke of his full commitment and his intention to marry Morgana someday. Two things I took from this is that one, he's very secure in his masculinity, and two, he is the kind of man that I would trust with my apprentice's heart. _

_Leon, in Morgana you are gaining a strong and unique young woman. Leon, her love for you is a gift, and should be cherished. _

_Morgana, in Leon you are gaining a courageous and compassionate young man. Morgana, his love for you is a gift, and should be cherished._

_I ask that you both treat each other with care and with respect, even on the days when it seems like your world is falling apart. I hope you will challenge each other and help make each other better. I hope that you will both grow together on your life journey, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I hope that you will enjoy the happy times, and comfort each other when things become difficult. Even if your paths diverge for a time, I know that love will draw you back together in the end._

_The philosopher Aristotle once said that "love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies". There is a Greek myth that speaks of one soul that splits into two parts before incarnating on Earth. The two parts spend their lives trying to find each other so that they can be whole again. Some people wander the Earth for their entire lives searching for their other half, the one person who makes them feel complete. And if they find that person - their soulmate - it's the most joyful reunion of the spirit. It is then only logical that those two people decide to spend the rest of their lives together. __Leon, thank you for fighting for Morgana.__ Congratulations to you both on finding your other half._

_.~._

Arthur lay the paper aside. He was, of course, impressed by the depth of Merlin's speech. He returned to bed, wondering if Merlin had ever wished that they could have a formal wedding, as he himself had secretly wanted. It couldn't happen, of course, but perhaps they could find another alternative. Arthur decided that he would visit the leader of the Druids tomorrow, and ask if he would be willing to give them an informal blessing of some kind. Arthur could invite their close friends, and surprise Merlin with a secluded ceremony in the forest.

The king of Camelot fell asleep with a smile on his face, and wondered how he hadn't thought of this brilliant idea sooner.

.~.

The End

A/N: I'd love to write out a ceremony for Merlin and Arthur's Druid (not quite wedding) ceremony if anyone would be interested. I've really got weddings on the brain, guys!


	63. Bonus Chapter 26 - The Golden Years

Disclaimer: Merlin doesn't belong to me. He's Arthur's!

A/N: Hi! I just wanted to thank you for your interest in my fic.

I've got something exciting going on, and I want you to be part of it. I'm writing my first original sci-fi novel and I want you to be part of it! The first two chapters are online. It's adventure story with some romance thrown in about Earth in 300 years. The Earth is at peace, but alien time travelers are threatening the space time continuum. Our heroes have to stop them to protect Earth's history. Please PM me so I can give you the link.

Please leave a comment (click on show comment) and subscribe so you can receive alerts when I post a new chapter. THE FIRST 100 SUBSCRIBERS WHO ALSO COMMENT ONCE ON MY SITE GET THEIR NAME IN MY NOVEL WHEN I GET IT PUBLISHED! I would be forever grateful if you can help me with this. I look forward to reading your feedback. Thank you!

.~.

Chapter 26 - The Golden Years

.~.

Arthur had reigned for thirty glorious years, starting at age twenty-five after Uther had died. Camelot entered a Golden Age of peace, and its citizens adored their noble and just king. With Gwen at Arthur's side, the king and queen had governed their people to the best of their ability. They had eventually reached their goal to make sure that every citizen had access to food, water, and shelter.

Merlin was also beloved by the people. While he wasn't directly in power, he often attended counsel meetings to share his wisdom (which Arthur didn't always take, but he usually did) and his magical expertise. Merlin and Morgana still headed the magic school, which produced many fine sorceresses and sorcerers. Some of them served in Camelot's forces, alongside Arthur's knights. The prejudice and mistrust of people with magic gradually lessened over time. By the time Arthur abdicated the throne, it had all but disappeared.

When Arthur had turned fifty-five, he turned the kingdom over to his son, Thomas. (Technically he was Gwen and Lance's son, but the people didn't need to know that.) Thomas Pendragon had been crowned king at thirty, but Arthur still ruled in all but name as he trained Thomas for a year, letting him ease into the enormous responsibility.

Today, at forty, Thomas had successfully reigned for ten years. Now at sixty-five (ancient by the standards of the day) Arthur was enjoying his golden years with Merlin. The warlock still presided over the magic school, showing no signs of slowing down even as he grew older. He had grown into the wizened old man that he'd often used as a disguise when he'd been young. Arthur still teased him about it sometimes, as he looked like crazy old Dragoon with white hair and a long beard. Merlin retaliated by conjuring a mirror and showing Arthur his own reflection, that was marred by crows feet and age lines.

But Merlin still found Arthur to be as attractive as he'd been when they met all those years ago. Merlin knew that Arthur felt the same way about him. They had gotten to spend more time together as of late, as Arthur's responsibilities had lessened quite a bit after he'd abdicated the throne.

Arthur still had a seat on the Council of the Round Table, and he was involved in the knights' training, although usually from the sidelines nowadays. He couldn't fight like he used to, and walked with a slight limp when an old battle wound flared up. There was only so much healing Merlin could do, and he couldn't completely counter the effects of old age. It had been a blow to his pride, but Arthur had learned to let it go. It was the younger generation's time now, and he had to accept that.

Arthur and Merlin's relationship continued to flourish. They still were learning things about each other, even after being together for decades. Even though they were getting on in their years, the sex was still amazing, partly due to their telepathic bond. They were also enjoyed spending time with their growing family.

Arthur's son Thomas Pendragon (named after Gwen's late father) has married Leona, daughter of Morgana and Leon. After dancing around each other for a few years, the childhood friends had finally tied the knot. (This concept was very familiar to Arthur and Merlin.) They married at twenty, and had their son Arcturus Pendragon the following year.

Arthur was thrilled that his grandson had been named after him. He and Merlin made sure to spend plenty of time with Arcturus as he grew into a man that would be worthy of assuming the throne someday.

It soon became obvious to Arcturus' family members that, after he reached the age of consent, he tended to favor boys. This practice was still heavily frowned upon, however as part of the royal family, Arcturus could get away with it. His parents, Thomas and Leona, were concerned when the rumors circulated that Arcturus had bedded some of the servants. They didn't believe his behavior was fitting for a future king, although they were somewhat relieved they wouldn't have to worry about any bastard children. They asked Arthur and Merlin to speak with their grandson, hoping that they could get through to him.

Arthur and Merlin had put off that conversation as much as possible, as it was not one they wanted to have. Not only would it be uncomfortable, but Arthur felt like a hypocrite asking Arcturus to stop his liaisons, when he'd done the same thing all those years ago before he met Merlin. It turned out they didn't have to worry.

.~.

The former king and his warlock met with Arcturus one day after much nagging from Morgana and her daughter Leona. They met in the North Tower, where Merlin had his magical workshop. It was out of the way, and it was a place they would not be overheard. The three men had barely sat down before Arthur began to talk.

Arthur decided not to mince words, and bluntly stated, "your parents wanted us to speak with you about you, ah, proclivity to tumble the male servants."

"Oh." Arcturus looked down at the floor, a blush creeping up on his cheeks.

"Not that there's anything wrong with that, per se," said Merlin. "It's just that it could damage your reputation. How would it look if most of the lower class thought you have a different man in your bed every night and then cast them aside the next morning? It might look like you're using your status to coerce them, then there's the-"

"I'm not doing that anymore," Arcturus interrupted.

"Really?" Arthur asked, not believing him. "May I ask why?"

"There's someone who has caught my eye," Arcturus admitted. "I don't feel right being with anyone else when I have feelings for him. I tried, but I just couldn't do it. It's driving me mad, though. He has no idea of my feelings. He's everything I could want. He treats me like a real person, not just as the prince. He's clever and smart and gorgeous..."

"You sound like you're smitten with this boy." Arthur smirked at his grandson.

"I wouldn't put it that way." Arcturus glared at his grandfather.

"Arthur, stop teasing him," Merlin chided. "Tell us who it is! Why did he capture your fancy? What does he do? Why don't you-"

"Merlin, you're rambling," Arthur cut in, as Arcturus looked more uncomfortable after each question.

"I suppose I am," said Merlin. "I'm just so happy for you!"

"Nothing has happened yet, though," Arcturus said glumly.

"Why don't you tell him how you feel?" Arthur asked.

"For the same reason you just mentioned. I don't want him to think that I'm using my influence as a prince to charm him into my bed. Then there's the fact that he's barely sixteen, past the age of consent. I don't want to take advantage of someone that is practically still a child."

"Arthur, we've got to help him!" Merlin exclaimed, his mind spinning a mile a minute as he thought of ways that he could set up the two boys. "We need a foolproof plan to get them together."

"Ugh, Merlin, you're not playing matchmaker again," Arthur groaned. "Remember what happened when you tried to set the cook up with the gardener? That was a disaster in the making."

"That was one time," Merlin insisted. "Don't worry, Arcturus. We'll help you."

"Thanks," said their grandson, relieved.

"Who is it?" Arthur pressed.

"He works in the stables." Arcturus didn't offer any other information.

"What's his name?" Merlin asked.

"You're going to make fun of me," Arcturus muttered.

"No we won't," Merlin insisted. "Right, Arthur?"

"Right."

"Well, it's just a coincidence," said Arcturus. "But his name is Myrddin."

Arthur's laugh rang out across the castle as an irritated Arcturus fled the tower.

.~.

_Later that day_

The very Myrddin in question was currently mucking out the royal stables, muttering about his miserable lot in life, when he heard someone's footsteps crunching on the hay. Then the owner of those footsteps entered his stall. The stable boy's eyes grew wide as he recognized the most powerful sorcerer in all of Albion.

"Good morning," said Merlin, nodding at the boy. "You're just the man I wanted to see. Myrddin, right? I heard that you have magic."

"How do you know?" The boy demanded.

"I've watched how good you are with the horses," said Merlin. "I can see how you speak to them, and how they respond. Only someone with the gift of magic can do that."

"Thank you, my lord," said the boy, giving him an awkward bow.

"Just Merlin will be fine," said the aged sorcerer. "You know, I see a lot of myself in you."

"Is it because I'm _named_ after you?" The boy said sarcastically, before he clammed up. "I'm sorry, I meant no disrespect…"

Merlin chuckled. "You have a mouth on you. I had the same problem at your age. I'll bet you're wondering why I'm here."

Myrddin nodded.

"I wanted to know if you'd be interested in attending my magic school."

"I can't afford it," the boy muttered, his expression sullen.

"We have scholarships for people who are in your financial situation," said Merlin. He figured the boy knew this already, but he wanted to ease into this conversation.

"I'm flattered, but I'm the only source of income for my family," said Myrddin. "I have to work full time in order to meet our basic needs."

"Would you be interested in attending if you, besides studying magic, taught others how to commune with animals? It is a natural gift that few with magic have, and I feel that it could be beneficial for my students to learn," said Merlin. "You would be compensated, of course, with plenty to be sent home to your family."

Myrddin's face lit up at that, but then slowly darkened. "Did Prince Arcturus put you up to this?"

Merlin's mouth twitched at the boy's perception. "You think the most powerful warlock in all of Albion is here to grant a favor to Arthur's grandson?" Merlin asked, letting the boy draw his own conclusions.

"No, I suppose not," said Myrddin.

Merlin smiled, for that was exactly what he was doing, but he had to make the boy believe otherwise.

"Will you take my offer?" Merlin asked. "If you need some time to think about it-"

"No, I want it," Myrddin insisted. "I can't believe it. Me, a student at the magic school! And teaching too! I never thought I'd ever be anything but a stable boy."

"There was a time when I was in your shoes, running after Arthur and doing chores. I never thought I'd ever rise above my station, but I did."

"I had forgotten that you were his servant," said Myrddin.

"It was a long time ago," said Merlin. "But it was well worth it." Merlin remembered all the times when he'd worked so closely with Arthur, suppressing his feelings as he struggled with them and his magical secret. He was glad that those days were over, and he had Arthur all to himself.

Myrddin's question brought him out of his reverie.

"When do I start?"

"You can start school tomorrow if you want. I'm just happy you can attend," said the elder warlock, giving the boy a genuine smile. "Although there was one other thing I wanted to discuss with you. It has to do with you and Prince Arcturus…" Merlin trailed off, giving him a knowing look.

Myrddin blushed and began to stammer. "Ww-e haven't done anything unt-toward, sir. Honest! We're barely even friends and he only comes down to the stables to annoy me."

"I never said you did," said Merlin, hiding a smile. "But the desire is there. Am I correct?"

"Please, don't tell anyone," Myrddin pleaded. "I can't let him find out. If he did, he'd toss me aside and never speak to me again."

"I won't tell anyone," Merlin promised. He was curious how close the boys had become, and thought of a question to determine that. "Did Arcturus tell you the story about his father Thomas's heritage?"

"He told me that his real grandfather is Sir Lancelot," said the boy. "But most of us had figured out that one already. When former Queen Guinevere eventually moved Sir Lancelot into her chambers, it was pretty obvious what was going on there."

"Indeed," said Merlin.

"I always thought that Arthur got dealt a bad hand with that," said Myrddin, giving the aged warlock a calculating look. "His wife falling for another, I mean."

"Once Guinevere had moved out of the king's chambers, Arthur was free to spend time with other people, namely me," said Merlin. "Now I am asking you to keep _my_ secret. Arthur and I have been together since before Arthur married his queen. It's a long story, but it has a happy ending. Arthur means everything to me. When I was young, it was very difficult to tell him how I truly felt about him. Like you, I was afraid he'd be repulsed by my desires. But it ended well for us, and I think it will end well for you and Arcturus."

"But he's so handsome and regal and fit," Myrddin protested, "I'm just… not any of those things." The stable boy was not phased at all by the news about Merlin and Arthur's relationship.

Not for the first time, Merlin wondered how many citizens of Camelot knew the truth, but decided not to dwell on it. "Let's get you trained up a bit, and then you can compare yourself with him," Merlin suggested.

Myrddin chuckled at that. "Then perhaps I could best him in a fight."

"In my experience, magic beats the sword every time," said Merlin.

Myrddin smiled, then quickly sobered. "If only I could be sure that he returned my feelings."

"Have you seen the way he looks at you?" Merlin grinned. "Also, he doesn't keep stopping by the stables for no reason."

"What if he just only sees me as a friend?" Myrddin worried.

"He might unless you tell him you're interested," said Merlin. "He believes that you are just a child."

"But I'm sixteen," Myrddin whined. "Past the age of consent. I'm not a child."

"Then go after him," Merlin urged. "And I'd recommend you do it soon. At some point, he'll have to settle down and beget an heir." That wasn't completely true, but Merlin wanted to give him a kick in the pants.

"An heir!" Myrddin groaned. "I knew there was something I was forgetting, something that wouldn't let us be together."

"He doesn't have to have a blood heir," said Merlin. "If possible, he will settle down with someone he loves, as did his father Thomas. "He just needs to know soon if you're interested. More than likely he doesn't want to make the first move as he doesn't want you to think he's using his rank to take advantage of you. That was Arthur's logic concerning me, all those years ago."

"I don't know if I'm that brave," Myrddin said plaintively.

"Let me give you some advice from an old man," said Merlin. "If you don't tell him how you feel soon, you might lose that chance. If you tell him how you feel and he rejects you, at least you'll know and can move on."

"That makes sense," said Myrddin, but he still looked terrified. "But how could I ever be what he wants?"

"I'd imagine he wants you just the way you are."

That was when they heard an uppity male voice calling. "Myrddin? Myrddin, are you in there? I must speak with you about the appalling state of the stables..." Arcturus trailed off when he noticed Merlin there with the boy. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt anything."

"No, I was just leaving," said Merlin, with a secret smile. "Myrddin has some exciting news to tell you." Merlin winked at the boy, hoping he would take this golden opportunity to tell Arcturus how he truly felt about him. The aged warlock left the stables to tell Arthur how it went.

.~.

That night at dinner, the castle gossip had spread that crown prince Arcturus had taken up with a precocious young stable boy named Myrddin.

"Arthur, they are so much like us, it was uncanny," said Merlin, leaning into his former king so he could talk without being overheard. "I'm thrilled that your grandson has found someone worthy of him."

"You were being extra tricky leading with your offer to let Myrddin teach at the magic school, then easing into asking him questions about Arcturus," said Arthur. "It was an excellent strategy."

"Anything to keep your grandson happy," said Merlin, basking in the compliment.

"Our grandson," Arthur corrected. "We've both been major presences in his upbringing."

"That's true," said Merlin. "I only hope that they will be as happy as we are." He reached for Arthur's hand and held it under the table, a promise of what was to come that night.

The End

A/N: I haven't forgotten about Merlin and Arthur's druid wedding. This one just had to come out! Please be sure to check out my original work, the site is listed at the top. Thanks!


	64. Bonus Ch 27 - The Secret Ceremony

Disclaimer: Merlin is not mine.

A/N: Here is Merlin and Arthur's "wedding" as promised! I hope you enjoy!

.~.

Bonus Chapter 27 - The Secret Ceremony

.~.

Arthur had made his excuses as to why he was going to be absent at the council meeting that day. Grinning like an idiot, he rode out of Camelot and met two druid scouts in the forest at the edge of their camp. They and their kind were willing to put on his and Merlin's 'almost wedding'. It had been little more than a wishful dream, but the druids were going to make it happen. Arthur had never been more grateful, as there were few people in his time that would accept two men being together and living as husband and wife did.

The king knew how the ceremony was supposed to go. He would walk out to the front of the altar. The priestess would say a few words of welcome. Then his first knight Sir Lancelot and his queen would join them, as witnesses to the handfasting. Arthur thought it was a little strange to have his wife as a part of the ceremony, but everyone in attendance knew that their marriage was unconsummated. Guinevere was more than happy to show her support for her king and court sorcerer's union. She would be Merlin's witness, and Lancelot would be his.

After the witnesses had arrived, the musicians would begin to play and Merlin would be brought out, having to walk through the guests to reach Arthur up at the altar. Poor Merlin had not been told about the ceremony, and would no doubt be reeling with shock as he realized that Arthur had organized this for them. Arthur imagined Merlin bursting into tears, falling into his arms, and enthusiastically kissing his king before the ceremony had barely started.

However, things did not go according to plan. Arthur was dressed in his best gleaming silver armor, complete with his Pendragon blood red cape. He was brought out in front of the guests, ready to take his place at the altar when he saw Merlin already standing there, waiting for him. Merlin wore this infuriating, innocent smile that made Arthur's heart pound. How had his sorcerer arrived before him? Merlin wasn't even supposed to know about the ceremony!

"Hello, Arthur. Surprised to see me?" Merlin gave him a cheeky wink as Arthur approached him. Arthur was pleased to see that Merlin looked rather fetching in his black robes. The back was marked in gold with the triskelion symbol, three spirals tied together in the middle as one.

"You knew about the ceremony?" Arthur complained. He knew he wasn't supposed to talk, that he was supposed to let the ceremony take place now that they both had arrived, but he had to clear up some things. "I tried to make it a surprise for you. You weren't supposed to have any clue that this was happening!" Then he narrowed his eyes. "Did you use your magic to read my mind?"

"No, Arthur." Merlin rolled his eyes. "You weren't the only one who had this idea," said his sorcerer. "I'd been wanting to do this for ages. Ever since you married Gwen, I wanted to do something to commemorate our relationship. But I wasn't sure if you wanted something this public, something this formal. I didn't want to complicate things, not when our relationship was going so well. But when Lochru told me that you approached him about a handfasting, he passed the information to me right away." Merlin nodded at the druid who was co-officiating their ceremony. Lochru nodded in return, his dark eyes sparkling with mischief. He had enjoyed surprising the king.

"_Mer_lin," Arthur complained. "There are over one hundred people here - it's not exactly what I'd call private. And why wouldn't I want to formalize us?"

"I don't know." Merlin looked down at his feet. "I wasn't sure if you wanted anyone else to know about us, besides Morgana, Gwen, Lance, and some of the knights."

"Of course I would!" Arthur exclaimed. You're not some dirty secret, Merlin. You belong to me, and I belong to you. If I could announce it to all the citizens of Camelot, I would. But that's just not possible. They would never accept us being together."

"I know, you prat," Merlin muttered. "I just wasn't sure… your father wasn't the biggest supporter of the Old Religion. I didn't think you'd go for a somewhat pagan ritual."

"It doesn't matter what kind of ceremony it is, as long as it binds up together," said Arthur. "The druids are some of our most respected citizens," Arthur stated, glancing out at the audience. It was mostly full of druids, come to support their revered Emrys. Arthur's most trusted knights were in attendance - Leon, Gwaine, Percival, Elyan, and Galahad, who also had magic. Those were the only people besides the druids that Arthur trusted to keep their secret. "The druids' peaceful ways are what all of us can aspire to. I'm sure that their ceremony will be beautiful and meaningful. And their magic… it's just amazing. Just like yours."

"Thanks," Merlin said quietly.

"So are we still on?" Arthur asked.

"Yes." Merlin beamed at him.

"Good." Arthur held out his hand and Merlin firmly clasped it. The young king was prepared to stand up next to Merlin and declare in front of all these people that Merlin belonged to him. Merlin pulled Arthur up next to him right in front of the altar, standing opposite the hooded priestess and Lochru. Merlin wanted the man who had gone against his oath to help him and Arthur in battle, but he also wanted a woman to officiate, someone with which they had a more personal connection.

That was when the priestess removed her hood.

"Morgana?" Arthur stared at the priestess in disbelief.

"Hello, Arthur," said Morgana with a tiny smirk as Arthur's mouth fell open. "Oh, don't look so surprised. You know I've been studying magic with the druids in my spare time."

"Yes," said Arthur. "But I didn't expect that you'd be the one to preside over our union."

"Aren't we thrilled, Arthur?" Merlin tried.

"Ecstatic," Arthur muttered with sarcasm. But Merlin could tell that he didn't mean it. He knew that Arthur was as happy as he was about Morgana being such an integral part of their ceremony.

"Shall we begin?" Morgana asked, a bright smile on her pretty face.

"We're ready," Arthur and Merlin chorused in unison. They turned to look at each other, amused that they'd said the same thing at the exactly same time. Merlin secretly loved this, as he and Arthur were often on the same wave length. It was one of the things that made their relationship so special.

The two officiants began with a blessing of the earth, sea, and sky. They also blessed Arthur and Merlin's relationship and explained the symbol of the triskelion. According to the druids, the symbol represented three things in their relationship - Arthur's life force, Merlin's life force, and the eternal force of the universe. For their relationship to succeed, Lochru insisted that they remember that there were invisible forces at work that guided their relationship and their destiny. Merlin knew this already, and he was pretty sure that Arthur did too, but it was nice to have a reminder, that even when they fought, their quarrel was insignificant compared to the vastness of the universe. This part had Arthur shaking his head, uncomprehending the concept of a universe, but the druid quickly moved on so Arthur didn't dwell on it.

Then, someone was supposed to give a short speech about the couple. Gwen had volunteered, as over the last year she knew them best. Arthur enjoyed Gwen's speech about how Arthur and Merlin would do anything for each other, even die if necessary. She waxed poetic about how deep their bond ran, and that she'd never seen such devotion between two people. The audience cheered as she resumed her place close to Merlin's side.

After that, Morgana said a prayer and led them in a moment of silence, remembering those who had passed on and couldn't attend the service. Arthur thought of his father and was reminded that he never would've accepted his relationship with Merlin. He shivered, grateful that Uther had died before they had confessed their feelings. It had been hard enough to keep it secret - Arthur couldn't imagine the terror that would plague them both, had they tried to hide from the former king. Then he remembered his late mother, and believed with all his heart that had she still been alive, she would've wholeheartedly accepted his and Merlin's unorthodox relationship.

Next, they exchanged vows.

Arthur took Merlin's hand in his, and pulled out a piece of parchment that he read from.

"Merlin, I vow to love you until the end of our days." He met Merlin's eyes, staring at his warlock who began to tear up when he felt the intensity of Arthur's gaze. "I promise that when I'm angry, I won't take it out on you. I promise to always tell you when I am bothered by something, and not keep it inside for you to guess. I also promise that before making any rash decisions concerning the kingdom or our relationship, I will discuss it with you first. I promise that when I make mistakes, I will take responsibility for my actions and ask your forgiveness."

"You, ask for forgiveness every time you make a mistake?" Merlin scoffed, trying to break the unbearable tension.

"Well, not every time," Arthur amended. "Only when I deem it necessary." He winked at Merlin, who smiled and began his own vows.

"Arthur, I vow to love you until the end of our days." He let his free hand comb through Arthur's hair, which had fallen in front of his face. Arthur allowed it, and slightly leaned into Merlin's touch. "I vow to not keep any more secrets from you. I vow that if there is any difficulty with my magic, you will be one of the first people to know. I vow to put my own needs first when necessary and stop my almost suicidal tendencies to protect you. I promise that when I make mistakes, I will take responsibility for my actions and ask your forgiveness."

"Only when I deserve it," Arthur added.

"Right," said Merlin with a grin. He pulled his hand away from Arthur's, as it was starting to sweat.

Then they made a joint vow. "We promise that our relationship will be one of equals, where neither of us will be considered more important than the other."

"Swear it to me, Merlin." Arthur narrowed his eyes at his life partner. "No more reckless behavior."

"I promise," said Merlin, who crossed his fingers behind his back. He would always put Arthur first, no matter what he promised.

Then it was time for Arthur to offer Merlin a token that symbolized the permanence of their relationship. There would be no exchange of rings or necklaces or jewels, but Arthur would give Merlin something more meaningful than that. He presented Merlin with a tarnished, silver coin that bore his mother's sigil. It was a trinket that Arthur did not wish to part from, but he shared it with Merlin anyway. It was the only thing he had left of his mother, save for one painting. Arthur was taking an awfully big risk. What if Merlin accidentally lost it? Arthur would be devastated.

"Arthur, I can't accept this," Merlin protested when the king presented it to him. "It was your mother's! It should be yours."

"I'm well are of that," Arthur said quietly. "That's why I'm giving it to you. I'm entrusting you with an object so dear to me. That's what our relationship is all about - trust."

"Thank you, Arthur," Merlin said, sincere in his words. "I'll treasure it always, and keep it safe."

"I know you will," Arthur said gruffly, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to come. Morgana cleared her throat and they returned their attention back to her. Lochru thanked the audience for their support on this day and in the days to come, and made them vow to keep what had happened here a secret.

Then Morgana and Lochru brought out a small piece of rope, and tied Arthur and Merlin's hands together, symbolizing their union. The couple turned around to face their audience, their bound hands in the air. Although it wasn't part of the traditional druid ceremony, Arthur pulled Merlin in for a chaste kiss. After they broke apart, the applause was deafening.

Arthur couldn't remember much about the feast, as he'd taken the opportunity to imbibe a little more than he should. He did vaguely remember dancing with Merlin and reveling in the fact that he was free to do so. Merlin had guided him back through the forest to the castle, and into his chambers. He gently magicked the rope that bound them together away, saving it for later.

The king was very sleepy when he collapsed on the bed. Merlin crawled in beside him and wrapped his arms around Arthur. The king sighed as Merlin's arms tightened around him. This was one rare occasion where Arthur allowed Merlin to hold him. They didn't engage in any "fun activities" as they were too worn out for that. But Merlin promised that tomorrow night would be spectacular, knowing that his libido would be increased tenfold now that they'd had their ceremony. Arthur looked forward to the moment where he would make them one again, in body, mind, and soul.

End Chapter 27

A/N: What did you think of the wedding? I followed a general idea of what weddings were supposed to be like that back then.


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